#1357 - Ari Shaffir

Oct 1, 2019

Ari Shaffir is a stand-up comedian and also hosts the podcasts "Ari Shaffir’s Skeptic Tank" & "Punch Drunk Sports."

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LegalZoom where life meets legal my guest today is one of my best friend's he's hilarious stand-up comedian and he has his own show called Ari shaffir skeptic tank podcast give it up for my pal Ari shaffir

The Joe Rogan Experience trained by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day Ari shaffir we are here that's over October we a lot of smoke cigars yeah well I smoke cigars smoke the cigar let's fucking bend the rules a little I have three in my trunk I have two right here yeah yeah these are good I was smoking cigars with bear on the show people going to be mad at us this is what you back oh you're using tobacco products you're totally cheating well it can suck my cheese hmm they can or it can they can suck my cheese they're fucking stupid rules shorter hard enough okay cheese do you remember one time you weren't you weren't masturbating for a month yeah I remember that yeah and all those people like you have you having sex don't do with sex I can't like do it I'm not playing your game yeah I'm doing a thing for myself doing my game yeah buddy what's rules I start working out or you do it I'll just bench y'all do what you got to do leg

not doing anything I can you give me two times yeah well I opened one eye so isn't that the problem deal with just with the with just interacting with people online there's always gonna be someone is upset at you for ya mad at you yeah for trying for anything you rather I don't try anything no matter what you doing to someone pissed yeah we can do it such a crazy place the internet so crazy and that's where we make our home that's what's really great really is nuts it's just one that light phone now what do you think he hasn't come yet it's coming at the end of October oh I'm trying a regular phone this month a regular yeah I liked so I got a new number spark that oh yeah like yeah like yeah like a real cell phone like a smartphone no I got a new number and due to regular flip phone okay but the old number I'm keeping it on on a smartphone Lucy if I can handle it for a month you can handle it I don't know signs are not great already it's the fucking being alone and just kind of flipping through watching Walking Dead and

flipping like double screens my daughter has a phone now but she has a little thing my young my middle daughter not like the older one I'll be ridiculous but where you she has a screen limitation which you can only use the screen could you turn it off can she yeah it's not just one alarm no she doesn't get to we do it so she got an hour and then what happens after the our stops working what stops working everything except phone calls you can get phone calls in an hour of total use see I need that I can't find anything like that so how does she not be able to turn off because you have the passwords for it yeah so I just can we just don't give yourself the chance to do the passwords what do you mean just just put it on an hour when the hours on over just accept it in your head that's not gonna happen that's crazy talk JB it's Play-Doh that's crazy talk I know our kid maybe the matter what the time limit is as soon as you see like your time's up and go oh well let me finish setting this one thing I'm hoping that Bert and

both say that we cheated already because we're we're we're good dude the first year I'll take everybody to dinner somewhere somebody said can't bucho there were like how much aren't you let guys do you tell me right now this is cheating cause I'm done yeah it's cool I'm out one of the great things about our contest is there's no real ramifications other than talking shit you know like Burt came in last but what happened to him what happened to him nothing nothing which is he just talk we just talked and I do is talk shit and then dealt with no repercussions we all knew that we couldn't lose to Bert that was that was a massive motivating factor for everyone including Tom and when Tom came back here in 13 fuck he was done on injury he was done we set he got really sick yeah yeah he came back in the day back here M13 fucking miles to try to catch up and he did catch up to catch up and pass them Bruiser

who's gonna win what's your body ha ha ha now the belt stays well I feel like there's no belt because it's not a competition this year this is the problem the problem we going to explain this folks on the sober October podcast which is right after this but the problem is we none of us have the time for the competition I can't go crazy why what's different from this year to last year I'm too busy is question yeah this is your schedule not exactly the same as it was last year more podcasts for sure are you doing more Pike yeah more podcasts and other various activities outside of them podcast and then the heat that I took for my family like my kids didn't see me for a month yeah that's why I thought I had some sort of chance that's to be home but I forgot the you guys also

Jim's in your home yeah have a full gym I had that 24-hour gym I would go to sleep yes yeah on the way home from cell that's where I get some nice points yeah that's a good move well you when you first figured out that you could just watch a movie and that that distracts you enough to do cardio and you get some pretty good numbers I was like oh that's pretty smart because that does distract the shit out of you it makes it way easier yeah I would just post my workout would just be the movie that I watched dude I'm already high from the cigar I feel like yeah right I feel like we're out I'm just hoping Tom and Burke coming in a small look would you just watch

first because we could cigars I don't know we're doing the scars as well oh you guys are out but let's just win one bubble bubble splits down on the platform together first place let's have a dance off for first place when he was talking dance-off I was like he's just gonna take his pants off I know what he's gonna do and then he did that video and that's exactly here it is fucking pants those what Big Jay did fucking first two years in her comedy when he was said he was terrible he would do the pants off thing good mood and out some birds doing now 28 years in a comedy you should stop that but people get mad if he's if he doesn't take his shirt off I know she's trap I would be mad too if I went to see Bert Kreischer his final time doing stand-up in the my city

what's mine is loud it sounds like there's a fucking tornado in here does it I can hear it through the headphones is it cuz it's working cigars damn I got a head rush off the cigar that's what I'm saying we're high do with cheating we're fucking for sure cheating I don't know what I'm gonna do dude this whole fucking the Yankees are going all the way I'm gonna have to find your Yankee games well I'm not cast to take a drug test right now like elevated levels of nicotine we should be doing so bombed October we really should be going for it the other way that we can talk to those guys into it let's just switch it up you guys some whiskey meals really go hard yeah mushrooms every other day yeah imagine what kind of a person you'd be at the end of the month of you did mushrooms every other day can I tell you a story sure so I went to a music festival and there was this guy who had a lot of my Camp I've never done any mushrooms and this guy did mushrooms for four straight days

four straight days hit the second day he was like we do mushrooms again I'm like they're not going to work you really have to twice as much and just kept going Third Day kept going as much and mushrooms for days didn't touch his phone at all didn't touch it he had like four percent battery the whole time was off and then he turned it on and he texted and here to tell work he wasn't going to come in Monday you know I work from home they gave me some shit he just looked at his phone after being on shrooms for four days he looked as fuck you just see it rush into his head like this thing brings me such fucking misery and I had such a good time without it and you can just see all that said in his head he just goes

are you fucking launches it whoa he just chucked his fucking iPhone as far as he could wow yeah it was such a great moment you can't do mushrooms do many days in a row you get fucked up yeah what did he did he sober up after that and then go apologize other phones other friend went and got it and like held it and pointed out like no I'm holding his for you it wasn't broken no it didn't break amazing are we guys that was a dirt through it on it was on a dirt / Rock path could easily hit a rock yeah he's really wooof give a case on it I don't know I don't know I think one of the point is that he do it the new ones are supposed to be way more resistant to drop it I love how the I soon as it came out there like oh and if you drop it from within a foot away it's going to break this Grand new design the iPhone 2010 it is a weird thing right where guarantee you're going to drop it can get TV drop it's going to break like I had Neil deGrasse Tyson on recently and he's always

got no case on his phone that's the thing he Marvels about the design this amazing design and what you do is you get Jamie rocks no case because of Neil deGrasse Tyson's big old cop gotta listen to him yeah why what do you say but anyway came back and it's fucking phone was broken really had dropped it because he pulled his pants off like or his jacket off or something like that it was in the pocket of his jacket and it fell to the floor when he like pulled his jacket avocado yeah he didn't he didn't account for the centrifugal force of his pants coming down on there are lots of torque yes of all that it didn't account so he has The Starry Night Van Gogh painting it's like that it a thing on his back the back of his phone and little bits of glass we're coming off it he realized it was cracked like huh you're not smart so smart that you don't have a case but it is weird that they're we have this super expensive thing that everybody carries around with them that if you do drop it it will get fucked up yeah what make what do you said new fold fund the cost of $2,000

years ago use a pen or you can't use your fingernail or anything it will scratch oh what that's crazy huh the Galaxy fold yeah if you use a pen like you can't use like that S Pen you can't barely not even a fingernail that old um how do you use that I don't well so flexible you know because it has two discreet when he just left fingertips like it's not it's not durable already yes the second design right this is second iteration of it and the first iteration like immediately started breaking as soon as all the those you know those influencers those YouTube guys like unbox therapy and M KH D MKBHD want to take the be out MKBHD set right you got it write a lot of letters Marques Brownlee anyway he's awesome These Guys these YouTube guys that make these videos explaining all the details technical details these phones they got them early and they all broke really everyone's bra so they had to send it back and they did a revision of it was supposed to come out in April and now just came out here in October

and a couple people have been broken already it's two grand you know it's so expensive for a phone but your bones maybe 1,200 bucks I think I'm not buying it either I don't like the fold I don't like the whole idea by looks nice but you have a tablet argue is point right moment you have a full tablet you can really tired but it's not that much bigger than like a Galaxy Note but those are this is so big for your YouTube videos and Netflix videos on the go that light photo I'm excited about the light to you download the Uber on it and stuff like that you know is that a couple app there's yeah there's a ride-sharing app I don't know which one I guess probably over right there's some maps out but like this

that's pretty good look how this works ocean outside oh wow it's all protected this is the Galaxy case it's a special case it has like a little salt thing on the not this is my note so I have a note now and I have an iPhone but the note the S Pen's pretty fucking sweet I'm not gonna lie there's a lot a lot of sweetness to it yes but you do right on it mmm yeah write notes on it but the the thing about this thing that's very impressive this a lot of thought of things the size the fact that when you have it open it has an imprint in in screen fingerprint reader but there's no bezels likely that what's a bezel is no outer rim on the outside it's just all screen there's no thick black line around the outside edges all right all right yeah just off screen is one little button on the top one little hole on the top where the selfie camera is I'm excited for Joker

yeah looks looks pretty good it does look pretty good everyone Joaquin Phoenix was pretending to be crazy yeah what was that and you can sort of tell at the time that he was sort of pretending yeah he was he was he had a character who's dealing for a documentary and it was like what is this I don't get it have did you see the guy from Empires speech like interview yes yes yes yeah that seems almost like he's not pretend like he's if he's pretending he's doing a better job acting them joacquin Phoenix what is this is Terrence it's our gay power yeah our of life well Terrence Howard the guy who interviewed me for Rolling Stone told me the Terrence Howard is like a legitimate Genius Like you said you talked to the guy the guys absolutely brilliant maybe figured it all out I think you got high as fuck on DMT that's what it sounds like he's talked about figuring it all out yeah it does sound like that right hundred percent yeah yeah it all makes sense like this but the inability to explain it just kind of like it's all connected but he was it's not explaining it very well but very articulately like he was using it wasn't like nonsense

let's talk right he was like like oh this is like shockingly coherent for a ridiculous thing to say

there are shining on to talk about what happened to him Shane which one Che Moss no he did I feel ya know I've had actually had a my back which which what happened to him though which I think he's in mushrooms every day for a month or DMT every day for a month and he also covered himself in getting the terms on but maybe cirie and Bruce or those shit couldn't come out of a system anyone a little bit not a how long ago was this hmm maybe a year and a half ago okay so I had one before that before that so we went to see Roger Waters he got tickets from worked in Providence went down there and he was like talking like he was like I figured out these math equations and he was like the whole thing was like dude I know I'm getting I'm a science guy get the seems ridiculous like understand why you wouldn't believe me but I can like figure shit out to the point where mathematicians are like mmmm I never thought of it that way he's like I don't understand how it's possible but I get why you wouldn't believe that yeah yeah he was like he was

you know when you're coming out of a mushroom trip yeah because like 30 40 minutes you're like not quite coherent he's got a foot in there and a foot out here he was like that for hours and I guess for like months yeah it was just caught in a constant state of coming out of a mushroom trip I did DMT three times in a day wow the third time it was a really strong one and it fucked me up for a while I don't remember how long afterwards but this was during the Fear Factor days but I remember reality the way I described it the reality was very slippery yeah very slippery like I kept thinking that cars are going to fly over the incoming Lane crash into my car and kill me real slow yeah I kept thinking like be really careful but then I realized that what that is is like my ego trying to protect me by making me aware of imminent threats and trying to re-establish its position as in the chain of command

because like the one of the things about really extreme psychedelic experiences that they dissolve the ego to the point where you realize like you don't really matter like you're a part of some crazy system and the only reason why you think you really matters because your biology wants to stay alive because there's these inherent existential threats to your existence that have always existed throughout time and you know ultimately though it doesn't matter because you're just going to live and die and probably live again yeah I again in this is like this never ending cycle yeah and you're part of some one of those guys that anytime you like fighting it like you're stuck and it just made you haven't taken enough I think that was like Terence McKenna one of those guys was like you just have to take more in the you can't fight it right right right gone you know

yeah but I was fucked up for a while really but I was functional I was but I was real nervous and weirded out by that how long how long weeks maybe months why'd you do it three times in a day where you try and do that on purpose or you can see for the first time was light I went in but I didn't go into deep but I saw the visuals and I laid there and I was like I got to the door and I could see through the windows of the house but I didn't go inside the second time it just like opened up a fucking Vortex and sucked me through the center of the universe and then it was really really really intense than I did it again after that because I loved it because it was so awesome I wanted to do it one more time

I do it more hmm I got the vape pens yeah that's what we should do on November 1st very pens yeah we should do DMT in the morning yeah in here you're going to be in New York oh yeah well soon as we get back kind of my apartment okay yeah don't work what that'll work yeah

yeah is it comes out of those fights no I got a wedding oh Jesus yeah who's getting fucked grunts ow okay I fucked over do you have kids there were those gate no not yet member this game over t-shirts but showing America are all there is I love on Venice Beach I love those that's so Bleak it's such a crazy institution that works out half the time it is not stirred I was talking to my high-school friends is one of them were talking about how long they've been in their place without their wife or kids like how long it's been since I've been alone in their house you know not in the road right and not with other wife but with their kids like alone one friends dated ten years

he hasn't been alone alone slept alone in his house when no one else was there well I think that for Comics one good really good thing about going on the road yeah get these little resets and you miss them you come back yeah you happy yeah I've I meet guys that don't ever leave their family yeah ever and they look beaten they just look emasculated and shrunken like deflated like I'm sure some people are doing if you listen to that fuck you man I'm happily married I believe you why is the mad then I believe you I believe you I'm just saying I see a lot of people that are beaten down people get annoyed with each other like if you and I lived together you need a break here there if you and I lived in a two bedroom we were kill each other be so mad at each other with it how long a month or even faster we would be trouble first of all I'd be immediately saying okay this is temporary right we're gonna get our own Apartments there's no way we can live here laughs like this but when I lived with Duncan in

big house yeah hello line for us the whole time docket live with me for six months I think some of it helps if you know it is temporary kind of like summer jobs were okay because you knew what the end of August this is over but then that first year where you are just like working you like there's no end in sight well to see roommates can be cool if they're cool right like if they pay their rent they're never there that's the best thing you can do is to never be there yeah or if it cleaned up after themselves yeah always clean yeah that's big that changes everything like if your roommate just leaves their shit everywhere it's annoying even if they're not home but if your roommate cleans up yeah then they don't leave a shit everywhere then it's just a person that you really like that you see every couple days like hey what's up man what you been up to that's fine yeah but my have six themselves this is kind of big and stretched out so Duncan was over in this corner and I was over in that corner it was always your Kate oh yeah yeah he's my kid okay I live in a separate house though right but man you did a job he was like I didn't really see much of anything yeah hey what are you gonna do I didn't really see much of anything that has been really cool to me didn't see much of anything ask me again

I love in this tension I didn't see much of anything though I did an audition once with Kate oh really yeah yeah it was something that I was doing with McGuire and some other guy that never wound up getting made but anyway we're all together and Kato came in to read for it how shitty is stand up when on your way down that's what people go into before their last out of out of complete show every Daniels is doing stand-up now Piven yep yeah they're all like well just try this at the end well stand up if you look no respect but here's the thing if they did it and loved it and respect it and was fucking gung-ho for it I I have a unique opinion I mean I know a lot of comics get real mad at people trying to do comedy yeah I feel like anybody trying to do comedy as a comic yeah if you respect it and you treat it raw that's how I've always treated open Microsoft have you are an open my career in my opinion you are a comic except the one black thing you always say no no no that's not anymore oh no sorry

how are you woke up you woke up sorry sir now it's it's only Asians of a certain can we say even joke around about it anymore there's serious there's so serious third there's been so many more Asian jokes around the seen lately it's almost seems like this is reminded people of that whole fucking angle yeah it's like open up the door oh yeah we should not be talking about because right now there might be ninjas in here in this room yes that's good from that guys fucking that cigar yeah we're totally cheetah everybody cheetah blitzed but no I really feel like anybody right boy yeah straight trans whatever the fuck you are if you're doing stand-up you're one of us that's how I feel I mean you might be might be terrible you might be on the one you know you first couple of days but yeah you could eventually be my peer I think that's why the store specifically even those just like respect for the door guys because like they go on to become the real comic that half the real comics

word or guys yeah large number so there's like yeah you're just me but earlier yeah I mean you Duncan there's a bunch of P Sam Kinison Bill Hicks they were all door guys yeah yeah the store is uniquely special in that way that it really promotes this a lot of people The Improv to though that are comics and really I'm a comment that's cool but the door like the store rather they make a big deal out of the fact that you can get spots you can get those late-night spots which are giant you know five minutes to open to that's pretty cool hugely never had that those are huge and you know you get those occasional belly room shows and although you get to meet guys like us that will take you on the road we also can see real could comedy night after night after night dance styles yep you'd to see the murderers the murderers yeah we grow a lot in ways that yeah is he doing killing can't do that like

intentionally fuck up for five minutes when he was doing like 30s and 40s you know you like fucking five minutes and get everybody a kind of against him and then I could test this stuff out yeah yeah we do it on purpose corny jokes he would do corny jokes and he would also just go what else what else tell people like I don't even know the guy we just an actor yeah yeah he would just dig a little what else what else I love that but I can't because that what else would he do that if you could dig those holes and then dig yourself out then you know that's a real bit right a bit the digs you out of holes are real bit that's so cool that's a fucking shovel you could dig a hole with that shovel you know like to bits you know bits are pieces of expression but some of them are just tools so whatever their tools like like opening bits like I've had an opening bits we're like okay I need to detonate this door to get into this room clear boom detonate the door okay now we're in you know I mean like it's a tool it's a tool to get the job done

yeah yeah Jake Johansson's do this joke eye open for months and DC he's a great guy yeah he's really nice really really nice killer stand up to ya never see that guy yeah I've never run into some the road yeah mostly always but built his own house he's tall guy who's like finding a showers are coming from over I don't kill herself had somebody built I mean I'm sure he is someone built it oh yeah no that's not really possible that would be something Unabomber in it yeah but it's all got lame and it's all falling apart because I don't know what I'm doing I didn't have time to learn carpentry is like Band-Aids overhauls my song out of me she left me that late-night tape that supposed to stop leaks keeps a boat yeah let's start up the bottom of the boat is filled with tape but yeah you had some joke at the very beginning and you'd go behind so like you introduce something you go off so I couldn't tell what he was doing he just said it's good to be here in DC

everyone would laugh and I'm like what is that joke and I asked him I finally saw because it every night I would do it and he would like it's good to be here in DC and everyone would laugh and I'm like I don't see where there's a joke that could only hear it so I ran out to the curtain opened up slightly so I can see and it's just an easy one he just goes good to be here and then he like turns around to look at the sign and goes oh do you see how my oh I get it now because oh do my first job five minutes like don't judge any of that yeah that's just me getting him on my side yeah just working yeah because in that I got them from me and then I can do whatever I want little tools well things to get going technique favors You've Ever Saver start off joke doesn't go anywhere I'll make a fuckin real quick yeah you always going to have those get-out-of-jail-free pass and yeah yeah you only got one or two of them and then it's like well now it's just going to be a full bomb yeah it could easily be a full bump but one of the most satisfying sets you can ever have is like you start bombing and then you pull yourself out yeah

crowd doesn't like you and then they slowly start to like it yeah yeah it's a bit that for whatever reason just turns them yeah

you know you said something that I think is so true that this is a great time for real comedy yeah yeah it's great comedies dangerous again it's so much fun people hear stuff like whoa It's back into these little basement rooms everyone's attacking it all the time it's so great you know people get mad at you for saying something like harsh and you walked with that fuck yeah well cause you know like you made some Catholic joke and they're all like butthurt because they're Catholic yeah you know you got them can you know it's okay cuz the only their lat angry and everyone else is laughing like crazy yeah now the scale of that is just way to larger yeah your stuff and go out and just like get a bunch of people language is the people that are cool enough to like actually like the stuff it feels way more dangerous and fun you know we should do with this podcast with Tom and Bert we should do like buds training bring in buckets of ice and just have vodka all over the table I see if they'll be okay yeah to see if they tap the ring the bell yeah I could see Burt doing that we can talk Burton the ringing the

especially we tell them we smoke cigars we got high we smoked cigars laced with formaldehyde yeah was that called Sherm kids less motion get wet yeah but that lady has nothing to do with that but she just got convicted today of Murder She walked into the wrong apartment oh cop right yep she thought this guy was in her apartment she shot him and killed him she said let me see your hands yeah and but he in for his Wanted music what the fuck are you let me see your hands yeah and she shot him I didn't hear that part but I just know that she shot him and murdered him accidentally she thought he was in her place yeah yeah it's it's it's like I heard her like crying on the phone yeah and it was like damn but it's just like I don't know why do you keep going is shooting right and I'm intelligence don't shoot right it's the guy run at you yeah it's like like when do you shoot someone if you find them on is the training bra NG y on

our people are getting shot it's not even like hey go get a sandwich real quick it's not like that right right just like I mean you got it wrong at very least you got it wrong well I've said this many times and I think the vast majority of interactions that people have a police are there positive there's no problem yeah that's why you don't hear about them but you hear about one every now and again but that's just because there's 300 million people and if you could you count up all those one every now and again it seems like this is fucking just yeah salt on unarmed people doors or listened to over over statistics let's just it's people that suck at being a cop got kind of especially girls no no offense ladies but you're physically weaker right so you could get that gun taken from you someone's in your house you live by yourself maybe and you see this guy in your house and you're so terrified because like it's like a Monster yeah like a big man it's like a monster to a woman yeah and then at the same time that dude is in his apartment not dead so that's also

great oh it's terrible but like you're not supposed to just shoot people yeah you're not supposed to shoot in her eyes yeah if she really thought that she was that's why I don't understand how it's murder like what what's the what's the accident isn't manslaughter like accidental shooting I understand any of that how's it not manslaughter yeah you know I just was following the story a little bit I remember for some facts from a few weeks ago that there are a lot of there are at least three or four things in place here that like made it not seem like an accident so really the door for instance the door in those apartments I was reading like it shuts automatically so she I think she said it was like unlocked it was kind of open and everyone that's sort of knows about that apartment was like that's not possible to store should automatically behind you you would have had to open the door physically she opened the door bins and shut all the way I don't know and I think they had a relationship maybe two or something like that what I heard the new supreme

mrs. Cavanaugh oh and I heard you had a chance to it and he denied of that dick after a while it's like no more dick for you yeah I think it's a great time to be a stand-up I really do think it's dangerous again people like it's like you hear something when you are one of those people just go to shows you hear something you're just like as an audience member you just like well so the woke outrage has totally worn off and has the opposite effect like with Dave Chappelle like you know you can just skip Dave Chappelle's new special must be awesome I love the red by the internet all coming together just to respond to the people go school one who shot check out those people Banks exactly the fact that she's like I didn't want her to yeah you know but but ship how special you know the whole thing with Rotten Tomatoes The only allowed five different woke reviewers to take the get out of it yeah and they gave it a zero percent and then they release to the public we all loved it because everybody was mad like your job is to tell us what we'd like you failed at that job well their job is to review things and their ideology

that they're forced to exist him is woke ideology anyone who's worried working as a journalist like there's really anything the Christians did when they used to review stuff for like Christian content remember that oh yeah when they would rate it based on how many kissing scenes are there how many curses are there yeah it's like you don't take you don't have to see those reviews those are like a separate people's reviews well somebody wrote something about it that I actually retweeted today see if you can find out about the connection between theology the the resemblance has between woke ideology and theology there they're so similar yeah it's it's about compliance we watch it doing it our way yes our where are we put your hat on you know who your special underwear on it's Tom it's so fucking whatever so dumb I hate even talking about it I love dogs just like we're just writing jokes and doing fucking good things but whenever someone who's woke says something that's ridiculous it makes for great comedy Richard off those stupid yes I'm Dawkins is

one of the podcasts going to try to talk to him the righteous in the walkway evangelist and social justice Warriors click on that so I can get with the actually

why evangelist is social justice Warriors trigger me in the same way and the same like you got to do it my way shit it's the right way it really is yeah well it's about compliance people love compliance they love getting other people to fall in line yeah and they get scared when people are just out there doing what that whatever the fuck they want to do and that that's that's what everything meant that's with their diet that's with the way they behave this is the clothes they wear our people get mad they get mad if you wear your hat backwards they asked my my friend who's now Rabbi asked him for help with the thing I'm doing in my our hmm and to look it up just factually I wanna make sure I get it exactly right right and he's like no I'm not gonna look that up for you just so you can make fun of it like what that's not your job your job to tell me yeah like I'm a Jew asking and it goes no I'm not gonna be part of this mockery I'm like you have even seen it you haven't seen it wow someone to help you I know but it's like fucking hard to find somebody who knows it knows it I don't have any people left my that part of my life

you really won't help ya my fucking shut up all you religious people all exactly save every religion it's fucking real and then what you want in terms of like not being embarrassed but it's hilarious that they would have something they don't want you mocking just let me hide this information you can't hold it for me right like imagine if there was something like that would stand up like no I'm not going to tell you how we write jokes you just kind of mock it ha ha ha well how do you get up at this hey Mike tonight I'm not telling you I mean I'm gonna mock him it's gonna be in a fun way how do you go from being an opening act to be in the middle to be a headliner I'm not gonna tell you I can tell you that we're gonna mock it it'll be so crazy anything you can't mock is bullshit that I was so mad I was like you're fucked he was like come on don't use that language you know I'm a rabbi like eat my shit I'll usually just fuck her exactly a fucking same I'm asking for help as a Jew but howhow are you still a Jew this is what something that's always is

troubled troubled people that are non-religious using the rare people that can also be atheists yeah it's kind of like you know stand up is rare in the art form that it needs other people to exist juice rare because you can see big cultural and racial Jew yeah being a religious Jew but it's a racial Jew but you could be born in Europe or you could be born in Israel you can be born anywhere and be a racial Jew but yet you are not religious at all at all but Jewish is a religion yeah Judaism is a religion it's both yes yeah I talked about this is my new way our I do yeah that Jew stuff is a lot of like it's all just stand up but it's a lot of like stuff you've always wanted to know yeah well you remember back when you used to tell me those stories I'm like how are you not talking about this stuff on stage I wasn't good enough yet for us to close to it but so good that you waited to hear a really good at stand up and now you can like really delve into all the absurdities yeah really go into it in a way

and know how to like he's out and like so Jews don't feel attacked and then gotta be a rabbi out there that will give you the fuck I gotta find what I've had problems come to the shows and some of them have corrected me on stuff and so interesting thank I want to get it right find those guys yeah I gotta find him your friends lame he's lame fuck he's always also trying to get me to come back he's always demeaning me like oh yeah you to come back to the fold I don't mind in a nice way but not like a here wasting your life listen we got to cover up your bald spot with a nice yarmulke yeah exact height get you a sweet one but all the ladies like your of conservative friends who don't even understand your life they don't like what they insult you on your like no that's a good thing yeah yeah Freedom yeah when they're like came up drunk at 5 a.m. on a weekday and yeah right isn't that awesome it was great I got a got a ride I'm responsible I remember a Blog you wrote a long time ago and you wrote like people you coming home and somebody like leaving and then like I think the line was if

I could smell my finger will blow your mind

some people get super self-righteous about their choices well people like to feel like if they're getting up early and you're coming home as they're getting up at somehow another they're doing better than you yeah that's not true yeah I've had a most fucking amazing night ever yeah pussy what you been doing watching Golden Girls and sleeping hahaha fuck are you especially as a cock like you can't tell like like Marc Norman came in here with the clothes he was wearing the night before he came in here I was up all night and then he slept till noon and made his way overslept 11 or suit made his way over here with a suit on that was great I love it love the fuck it yeah man but that's that's us that's our that's our religion yeah if I have a religion it's comedy yeah yeah for sure if somebody tells me something I was like well they joking yeah well you know that's where my thing now is whenever I hear comic my instinct right now is one of the can you believe they say this ridiculous thing even if it's not on my side of things I believe you know I start to get angry and then I stop and go wait a minute let's look at under the lens of

comedian writing something and sometimes there are serious but a lot of times like oh you this is a joke there's a tongue-in-cheek like exaggeration on purpose or yeah or you try something and it doesn't work you know don't hold someone to what they're saying what is you know like this is it goes back to the Shane thing right let's Shane Gillis thing like if I'm alone he was just trying to be funny it was trying to talk shit and be funny and you miss and people like it's just racist Mike hmm yeah but sometimes racism is funny if you if you if you say it in a way why don't you call jokes about race relations yes jokes about race relations which is something like can we talk about that isn't that one of those big taboo things you should touch on you can't you tell what race is can you openly mock with no white yeah right Indian I guess it's going away Indian and Chinese was an Asian I mean yeah you used to be able to I remember yeah it's

way right now had a joke about Pakistan yeah Pakistan was about to go to war with India and he was like what are they fighting over who smells the worst and he did this all the time and this is like you know early 2000s but if he did that joke now people would be fucking mad at various but that's what makes it more fun to the getting so mad well this dude was from Texas he'd never been to India or Pakistan it's like no idea if they smelled bad doesn't just joking it's like it's like it's very harmful no it's not you ever see a picture of like or a real racist somewhere you know I got real race yeah and you're like oh and then you remember what they just were mad about some other guy in bike comedy being racist and you like guys that's not even close like this guy made a joke and that guys here's how you know who's a racist when you accuse him of racism and they don't deny it they're like yeah fuck them that's the racist person not one there you go like no no no I didn't really mean that that's how you know they're not really feeling that way if you make a joke about murder are you a murderer really

you can yeah you are really I think so wow that's there's certain things right you're allowed to joke

you could even you could basically you could joke definitely jug about fucking animals mmm right nobody thinks you're really into bestiality well what I think is all this stuff about like you can't joke about race or gender but he makes child murder stuff like all the better hmm like it's a grand time for that that used to be too harsh when I started comedy is right at the Columbine and that was like no you're going to ruin the room but now it's back really yeah child murder yeah yeah yeah school shooting shit you didn't joke about school shootings your problem yeah if you do it well if you do it well but if you don't it's still like a cheese astute I got mad at a lot of people over that Louis C.K thing I got mad at a lot of people yeah not because what he said was great you know Lewis said what you just because you push some fat kid into the way it relevant irrelevant he the relevant whether it's good or bad it was let me tell you something if he was left alone with that bit he would turn that bit into a great bit he would have figured it out did not done comedy for almost a year yeah this is one of his first sets back and he was trying to turn this into

comedy he could have turned that into combat the people are like it's not even funny it's like okay but if it was just about not funny because I think I'm not going to say whether it was or wasn't I thought it was funny actually but it's irrelevant because like if I make an unfunny joke about traffic no one's coming after me you know it's clearly not about whether it's running or not it's got nothing to do with it well it's whether or not you should be able to make light of something terrible and you can't let somebody not fail that direction there will be a fill in all directions you've tried to find the line Y understand regular people not understanding that I really do but I don't understand comic comic I don't understand Comics not understanding the process of creating material you are disingenuous your know I can understand it if if you are if like say someone like is like a Jim Gaffigan type comic that's never offensive and just like kind of

you know family-friendly could anybody can go see Gaffigan he's hilarious but you could take your grandma to see her with no worries well if he did a joke about a school shooting you be like whoa Jim but even then I would still say he's trying to find an angle yeah let him do it what do you mean let him figure out the angle the people don't laugh that's indomitable eyes on the wrong one talk to a Catholic and after that you like how do they do they go for it maybe like not really yeah I like what they're gonna try to get in because maybe but maybe a pullback did I had a bunch of bits like that where I was like I gotta bail on this bit yeah where it's like you try it try it try it just doesn't work but that's the process so now if I'm a young comic if I say can I even come close to the line because if I go over it that's what you do when you're kind of blindly walking towards a line if you go over it in that direction your fakt yeah you might be really be fucked forever so I'm not going to come close to the line that's not good it's not good they want to go in finding it takes that and puts it in quotes and just write together

contact takes it out of context and then writes it down yeah that is a context to the tone of voice you know sure yeah and all the things you said before that right yeah I hate it I hate it but it's a good time that guy is really funny yeah it's still a good time to stand up yeah it's a great time for standing up I mean look the fucking store sold out every night I know so people like it's the end of day and I was like what are you talking about this place when they're not going to see any specific person they're just going to see stand up in general those are mob the stand in New York mob the seller mom I got on at 1:30 at the seller sometimes 1:30 a.m. on a fucking Wednesday and people like is anybody there my kids so there's no room dude I was reading an article when they're talking about Hannah gadsby in the death of stand-up comedy I was reading it in my limo on the way to a sold-out Arena laughs this is hilarious showed it to his Cliff look dude I go I guess it's not going to be anybody there it was special on Netflix I guess it's all terrible huh

just no comedy anymore yeah I missed it fuck listen that's all these people complaining all you got to do is shut your fucking phone and then another of that shit exists for the most part here are there the yeah there's some bad shit about somebody made a joke and unfair level of punishment but generally it's just like shut your phone it's just people being angry yeah that's what the internet is anyway it's like it's a really easy way for people to complain dude I loved it I was waiting for it I did you see that video I made for so bombed October yes okay yeah so I was waiting for because I knew or come people like this hilarious won't we my friends are the points aren't the right that's we had to do more points for this let's punches and I was just waiting for it and then I finally saw it was like this is very responsible you should be ashamed of yourself people have real problems there it is and now it's just a question of what percentage of people have that reaction and what percentage don't ya so there's only one guy No One's Gonna listen if it was ten guys or was one guy that has a big Twitter following now everybody's like feels like they should be mad you ever see one of those

her things where you don't quite get it you know like sometimes you like I see the other side I think it's too far but I see those aside and then sometimes you're like I don't even understand why this is even a topic you ever see those mmm you know the ear ages where it's like really oh yeah it's something you just don't even see that's a light week maybe yeah Duncan told me that half the anti Star Wars tweets for Russian Bots I think maybe they're trying to shove should under the radar

that's what I've heard I like the idea of erring yeah whatever so you just have people in the crowd like botsko I think this guy was terrible like in a real like animated them is real like brawl between two people two groups and you could just go into one and be like he called you a faggot crime that everybody turns around and gets it going again right these things don't seem real a lot of their Comics to take the wrong side I'm like I don't think you really care if I showed somebody whatever that first one was for that for the for that guy for saying that funny comic if I showed of the back table cell but what do you think of this so one of those whoa Comics who said or people who are like I think it's too far if I show them that video if they really didn't like it they would go to this will go they look at it and go that's dumb and that'd be the end of it right that would be it but they have an opportunity to say what you gotta say something up and let everybody know that they're on the team that deserves virtue like you don't think I've taken enough abuse

at some point you got to see the damages internet should does the people and it's like you're gonna pile on it's covered he's been it's it is punished I'm hard I like recognizing who's gonna always fold SNL will fold well I'll Comics to as soon as an organization with a bunch of advertisers and apparently that was the big deal they had a cave to The Advertiser but my thing is this can't the Network's just call each other Netflix and FX and CBS and and Hulu and Amazon and all call each other just have a meeting the people who run it and say we got to release a statement and the statement should go no matter what somebody said in the past we feel like for starting from here on in we don't even know what the range is going to be about we feel like we shouldn't be responsible to be judges and juries on that we feel like we've gotten it wrong to me times and if you guys don't want to watch it's up to you but you got to take it up with the performer the artist whatever and if they all just released that statement together people just wouldn't go to them the never gonna do that why that make you feel

It Ain't Us you guys because every gotta take it up to the comic advertisers are uses an opportunity for them to merge virtue signal and get more people to buy their product they'll say we do not support this idea that hate speech is something to be casually dismissed there but they won't because they're saying it's not even about anything in particular it's about we're not getting involved in this what somebody did in the other side or what you're going to Define it as we've been through this with rap in the fucking 80s it's just we're not getting involved I get it it for a month we're not touching anything it just takes all the pressure off you you don't think of Amazon and Netflix fucking talk to look let's just all put it out together and then what do you want to be the net worth is is no no we're going to actually like boycott our Comics if they actually do say something and a separate platform or do you want to be the network going yep we also agree Comics do whatever you want you're not here it's not like you're saying something to somebody in the hallway of SNL you're saying something separately for the fucking 6,000 followers you have we sign up for that shit right

they're never going to do it why because it's too much outrage you put that takes the heat off you then you're not the deal with it from now on too dangerous right now re happy perfect it would be perfect that's why you don't run a business it be they all should just do it they're never gonna do it what does that wristband you have on Music Festival yeah I gotta I gotta get tickets for next year and once I know once I do I'll cut it off really yeah you got to get tickets for next year yeah once you do you cut it off does that help you get tickets yeah dude it's all about the mindset what is this why is guiding us I gotta do it cut that fucking thing off dude I gotta tell you about well fuck 50 years old what are you doing with this fucking thing it's good luck hey I went to this nightclub in Germany in Berlin it was fucking so far dude I would have it fun going around places yeah yeah but what was it okay it's fucking not say

is it on another level there I'm not into EDM and stuff but like it was great as soon as you walk in it's like okay first of all you can't even get in oh my God okay the first thing you see when you get in is just a bunch of people on leather worn out it goes from Friday night midnight until like Monday at about noon well you just stay in and do hella drugs and Just Dance for like techno and like house music on different floors will die in there they must they must they must go too hard and have heart attacks yeah but everyone yeah they must yeah but when you're down there son of the third level where there's no and just people just coming down I went in like a day and a half so it's like Sunday when I went so people just like out of it sweaty girls with like two 2s and like whatever there's a coat-check place where somebody said somebody check their gimp one time well yeah coach - yeah like you're gonna go wait for me yeah okay the very first thing I saw I go in it's overwhelming me and my

over there were like this is fucking too much and I would like our let's get beers and I saw this is so great dude the way to get it is to wear all black or wear leather or just be with gay people gay people just get in and they make sure it's like a good time for everybody and they make you put a sticker over your phone no pictures the throw you the fuck out do whatever drugs you want anyway soon as I see it there's a guy at the end of the bar just getting jerked off as he's ordering by guy or girl by a guy tripped up by God yeah yeah and he's fucking after the beer out of it on drugs I still try to get some to do these other hand is just gone inside his asshole cheese yeah a fall like cause it didn't make sense The Jerk doesn't yeah I think I mean I don't know something it might have been openers it might have been I don't know who is doing it inside a might even open or closed I can pop it yeah and then it's just debauchery you just get drugs in the bathroom and dance and dance and dance ooh yeah full you see fall like blow

jobs going on wow it's like anything goes people are out with their dicks dicks out just fucking jumping and dancing we gave everybody drugs that's what they would do oh my gosh yeah good times it was the best you just walk around and you go to the bathroom somebody run she was looking for like anything

well we trying to get ecstasy probably right Molly you know something like that somebody eventually gave me one I was like I got enough for my promoter got to and he was like no no I'm going home I'm only staying till like 3:00 I got my kids like soccer game tomorrow and I was like all right so I'll throw this out there I won't we'll just draw out the excess and he's our fucking relax so he took some of that we just start dancing man it was so fun the music is nuts are they got like the best DJs in the world like go down there and just like show off oh just like do sets yeah it's kind of like The Comedy Store kind of like The Comedy Store it's like the best comics in the world doing it for what 15 bucks wow nothing to do with the money they're trying to show off wow oh God it was so fucking fun they just had this like night club culture they leave have like rockabilly bars there and then people are dancing in the back do you remember when the early days of the internet you would get shit porn from Germany uh-huh it was always from Germany they go they are whatever your enter just go for it why Germany like do you think after World War II they just went crazy no

I think that after World War Two I think after the Berlin Wall fell I think it's all reaction of that shit really yeah because they're not really in Berlin at least they're not really thinking about the Holocaust anymore they're thinking about that East-West hmm that's their most recent massive right you know and that was what was that the 80s yeah yeah that was during the Reagan Administration wasn't mr. Gorbachev tear down that wall didn't I know I think I know somebody who had a piece of the wall I had one you could buy it at Spencer's and stuff yeah I had one sir give a huh I had a piece of could also buy a poster of a guy with his like that dick Roots showing just like a little bit you know yeah it's like hanging out with my cowboy hat mmm you know Abercrombie & Fitch you know that store Ambercrombie and paunch yeah you know you go there they spray you with some fucking toxic chemicals yeah you know that there's a go at it so like the whole place is filled with perfume it's really strange that used to be a place where you would go and buy like legit outdoor gear and give you were going

fishing so if you and I were going to go down the fucking River in Montana Abercrombie & Fitch was yes that's what he used to be wow this is so like kayaks and shit it was like flannels by the time I was and now it's now it's just like DJ gear but it's all these weird hermaphrodite looking people like everyone is everyone is like a sexual or weirdly thin just strange you know gender neutral you know what I mean like the girls are all look like they're 14 The Crying Game yeah all the crying yeah nobody knows The Crying Game is anymore I was I was like just one of the first transgender things we'd ever experienced yeah a culturally The Crying Game that sign across the street from the store and the Hyatt that was another way I could gender-neutral Asian lady without like a slightly less gender-neutral Asian lady where's that it's on the store the one with the parking lot faces you know you're right now there's a sign there right now what is it it's just these two

two Asian levels yeah but they look like what the fuck are you a boy or girl yeah but that's in now it's in people can't tell if you're a boy or a girl yeah it's nice mysterioso it's mysterious but why is that in my people into that I don't know

look what they are but it's it would they're into it for advertising right but our the into it like how many people like what is the market for like people being gender neutral looking who's going to like hey man you going out tonight yeah I'ma try to meet somebody what are you trying to meet someone who I can't tell what the fuck I just don't want to know I don't want to know I'm doing anal and I don't want to know when I pull their pants down I don't know what the fuck to expect well you looking for a boy or a girl who cares wow but holes that's about holes I don't care I don't care if you're gay or straight or trans or what the fuck ever ever lasts just signed their first ever transgender boxer it's a trans female-to-male boxer and my first thought was

this guy's gonna get lit up he goes and fights actual men it was female-to-male yeah well hope they're all amateurs I guess maybe sooner we start scanning fast naked roast battle say this is it that's a female to male really yep look at the shoulders that was the Andy Dick shailaja Face it is had like a perfect track teams do a mixed gender races yeah really races disaster are tweeted about it yeah it's a disaster roids yeah well the the men blew by the women like they were parked that's how it works kids I want those transgender shit who you know transgender athletes you know suffers with him that's who suffers it's always women and when you when you try and feel like make everything diverse let's diversify and include everyone know you're not including everyone you're including men to compete as women that's what you're doing because the women competing his men like that Everlast boxer Did I haven't sparred in forever I'll knock that do the fuck out there's just no way this is a difference there's a giant

difference those guys never going to beat Deontay Wilder he's never going to beat a real brother remember Andy Kaufman was full-on challenging women wrestlers and he was going as hard as he could mazey going as hard as he could there's a lot of women Jiu-Jitsu people that will fuck you up hmm But that's a different animal you're not punching things I mean there's a lot of female boxes little fog like claressa Shields of fuck you up you know there's a few Ann Woolf she'll fuck a lot of men up but it's not normal you're not going to fuck a normal man up who weighs the same weight as them just it is not just not fair it's not fair and women suffer with this transgender athlete thing what do you think that are suffering figure it out or what they well the Olympic weightlifting committees already figured it out powerlifting committee they've already banned transgender women they've banned along yeah the whatever the organization of powerlifters is but they've put the fucking kibosh on it because all these trans women who are fucking men

breaking all these World Records girder how weird they're crushing these records it's fun because I really want to be like okay I want to understand your plight for the same time you guys got to see it from our point of view you are setting World Records all the time it doesn't make any sense it's just this weird City you know what it is is where the rubber hits the road when it comes to this whole trans activism thing like this is what it where the really hit like when gender dysphoria becomes a real issue when is that one physical competition and physical altercations if a trans woman beats the shit out of a regular woman in a bar is it a girl beating up a girl in a bar let's be honest it's not yeah so a male it's a biological male beating up a female that's what it is that is what it is and there was a study recently released about trans athletes and their physical performance after you know one year of transitioning and how much the males have lost versus how much the females have gained

female to male gained very little male to female lost very little there yeah very little it's like a very small decrease in their overall strength after a year of transitioning well small like below 15% it's outrageous these it's women it's biological women getting fucked over by people who want to be a woman that's what it is and everyone who wants to be oh we're diverse and we're inclusive and you know we're Progressive and what if he went from woman to man could you then fight against the women know if you went from woman to man you fight against men and you know but can't you understand the world could you fight back in the whooping you like if I'm born a woman now I'm a man yeah can you wear can't where should I fight you have to fight man no yes but I'm saying I'm in your world and my world yeah where they do they can't fight fight trans people are this France this is a Cinderella compete against other trans people and I'm just saying to like how about we get the races separate as well he's black guys should fight blacks and these white sugar White

it's we need a chance we need someone to move point of your fighting we don't get that I would definitely watch a white fighting League I've been telling I told Dana White I was like if you really want to People Into The Ultimate Fighter you got to do it Ultimate Fighter race and have four teams Mexicans or any Latinos blacks whites and Asians and then have them fight against each other have four captains each of that it'd be so much fun all amateurs be a real issue it'd be so fun people get so angry but then you sign up for it well they it's really weird when they do like Brazil versus the US yeah you've done those I know there were what you want it was great right but it was Brazil like Brazilians Brazilians are you know ultimate fighter like that yeah I raced a no I believe it's tighter race I believe they did Ultimate Fighter Brazil versus u.s. all Brazilian team all us team but the thing about I'm on team whites I'm on the flag but you're Jewish what are you Jewish or Y up you know that there's Ry juice

we could I tweak you can we could just be the guys who wear the suits and right outside the ring premises hate the Jews that's one of the things they always got mad at they really goes crazy they always had yeah Wanda lace Wanderlei Silva vs Chelsea London yeah that's right no I want full race this is a good start for sure what but hold on hold on put that back up Jamie make that so I can read the whole thing maybe a little smaller make it make you so it's at that yeah the coaches I think he might have coached team yeah I don't know about that that's it that's just vandelay versus chale I don't know if it's specifically Brazilians Versa right Americans Maybe I'm Wrong you can do it all the fighters of sign up for it they know it's a joke

I think it should be we're more at odds with each other than ever why not capitalize on that I think you should be white racist versus angry black eyes

yeah that would be fun yeah you can have cowboy Cerrone coaching on it's not I don't know I would assume he's a cowboy no no cowboys he's got a lot of you can have only like half and half people coaching each side okay like only yeah mixed-race the only mixed race people yeah yeah no that okay let's we're tweaking it we're tweaking it I think are some of these things out loud I realized that maybe that won't work hmm you should be coached by your race well it's weird when you go to other countries right because did you see what happened you can make it friendly to you can be like if this if the Spaniards win one you could be like now you guys I'm going to show you something about our culture we're going to all go to this this restaurant and I'm going to show you what you know horchata tastes like and whatever else are you going to go to the bullfights sure well that's yeah yeah if that's part of their culture catamites at least weird like bullfights are off largely offensive thing that's still romantically received by a good portion of the world like if you think about what a bullfight is like a bullfight the matter

or that is that it's not thought of as an offensive thing but it's hugely offensive what they're doing I want to go I went to Barcelona I look but they don't really haven't Barcelona live in Madrid you gotta go to Madrid yeah that's what I've heard but they don't really have it there but because it's like inhumane but like I still want to go I just watched a guy got gored really aren't ya fucking killed you killed by the bowl that he went to Cock fights I've been a cock fights yeah I had a Gardener He's a slip back and forth back from Mexico to the United States and what eventually went back to move their have you ever since this is the Border I was looking at this one did was order States yeah right by Tijuana and those and those bullfight sitting right on the edge here like that's the walls right here that's in Tijuana that's right I mean it's basically San Diego oh wow that's crazy swim out and around the active but it's right there I bet it's active

what was let's Google it I tried looking around one day and they don't have Google right well I mean I couldn't find like an event there they have concerts and shit in this thing so I don't know so maybe they use it maybe they use it as not just a is that but it is a just a color swap me too it was a Bullring it seems like I mean take a peek at what it is you can see it looks like it for sure you yeah it looks exactly like that I want to go to what I want to find out what I want is in Spain and go to one it's probably really sad Joe where do you want to go if you go anywhere and it was like no not you hmm Jamie you too you have to like ever have countries just like Pullin phone H I think Africa Africa yeah me too I would like to go on Safari I go legit Safari out there in a car you know I wanted to go to the Congo but every time I talk to Justin Randy's got some new fucking disease he's got some horrible parasite that's eating away at him right now great similarity of three times that guy's a saint you know is a fight for the Forgotten guy he's

he's a he's a belt or heavy weight is over there making Wells for the pygmies oh yeah yeah we contribute this this podcast and through the sponsor called the cash app every time someone signs up these the the promo code Joe Rogan all one word they get 10 bucks towards fight for the Forgotten that's cool yeah it's great it's raised a lot of money and build a lot of Wells it's really cool so they're building he's going down there all the time to build Wells and last time we came back with some fucking terrible parasite and the doctors are trying to figure it out it's like some jungle shit he's in the Congo he's literally in the jungle you know it's catching these weird things I had this guy dr. Peter hotez on he's a specialist in tropical diseases told me literally everyone who lives in a tropical jungle environment has some parasites wow everybody shouldn't be there you just you just live with parasites you're going to have worms and fight this thing in Laos we sleep up in trees like the called by the Gibbon experience or something I didn't do it but I talk to people who did and then you just hiked all the way through the jungle

sleep way way up in these tree tree houses monkeys all around you and shit and like every day you have to take off your shoes and burn off the leeches because a non dangerous leeches but they're all on you gotta burn them off yeah do you have set like a match or cigar and like fucking touch it it's like wow fall off yeah Jesus Christ the parasites yeah so gross they get like someone died recently some guy was swimming in some Lake I think in Florida and he got some bread or maybe Texas got some brain-eating parasite to win into his fucking Noggin and just want to beat his head

like it happens man did I watch a new episode of Skeptics I kept my podcast but we just talked about things that will kill you you've been talking about that ship for 20 years different things that I'll kill unit we were last time yeah about doing another episode it would be about that yeah let's do that I'll be back in November we'll do that so I'll just got back from elk hunting and oh yeah was it was awesome my friend John was 20 yards away from a mountain lion they were both stocking the same elk and you know he's moving so slowly such a great hunter that the mountain lion didn't know he was there so he's creeping up on this elk and he looks over and 20 yards is 60 feet can you shoot the mountain lion no you have to have a tag which means you have to have it's a limited draw hunt if you want to hunt from outlines it takes like 13 years get a tag it's very difficult in the state of Utah so he is he's creeping up on this bowl and he realizes like

there's a fucking cat right there big-ass Mountain Lion was like 20 yards away from him so he jumped up near and scream the mountain I fucking took off where the elk to also took off to also took off everybody everybody scattered yeah he was trying to figure out what to do yeah we should well you have to be careful because if you get too close it might decide if it's in you these animals if you're inside the area where they don't think they can get away they'll turn to fight and that's when you're fucked most of the times it just going to just run away to fight another day like they especially Mount minds they operate on stealth their whole idea of sneaking up on people yeah things dude I was I was in so what I do as soon as I try go from car from Syria city sometimes I'll do it at on show you know on a Wednesday or Sunday sure and I'll get a car and I'll drive I'll drive around the country but so I was doing in Tampa driving across I oh maybe I was my parents first anytime I see a swath of green I'll just pull over and like hike you know and this yeah sure take thing in the well anywhere but in between Miami and Tampa is just a big

with the grain so I started hiking but they had this big fence around everything and I open it up and start hiking and they talked about like Sabers or whatever Panthers Panthers yeah first they go like those Panther attacks are rare we strongly advise you not to be out alone Panther attacks to happen I was just like I don't need a hike that bad today it's a mountain lion says hey yeah it's like a slightly different gene pool but I don't know what they're sneaking up on you I don't know any of the tricks I don't want no part of that

well you be definitely be fucked yeah but there's other things that can kill you in Florida Florida is filled with stuff that can kill you snakes and shit yeah I like the fucking travel on those I like walk getting out of my car just randomly and some like the nobody's out in a weekday right nobody doubts up yeah what if you found a meth lab back in the woods what is this is four years old no human has been attacked by a Florida panther in State history Wildlife officials say oh then I would definitely should have done it so true in fact is where this is from that seems interesting yeah that guy my just been saying because he loves Panthers maybe yeah leave him alone I'm alone get out there pussy ha ha ha yeah people get attacked by a mountain lion so it's basically the same animal but I think the Florida Panthers a really small population this is a very small population of them I got so scared when I'm walking alone in the woods and I'm like shaking my keys and a squirrel makes me fucking my heart beat so fast whenever I hear anything much care

gun then you feel empowered yeah yes in the woods with a fucking assault rifle and your site start cracking off rounds it is soon the air comes near you dot dot dot oh yeah attack yeah fuck that squirrel this is America you said I'm a fucking man it's coming at me I'm a human being with a gun

yeah the woods and make you realize what a bitch you are man yeah I'm frightened of everything and you know what's going to hear your screams and you start thinking like how am I going to get out of here if it's a snake does bite me like a rattlesnake like how far do I have to hike by myself out yes some endurance athletes some famous endurance athlete just got bit by a rattlesnake he's in the middle of some like long track shit not that singer like well sir Mike Posner he got bit too oh I don't know I got to yeah Mike Posner he got bit icon is what was he doing he's walking across the country and like walking across the adventure across Colorado is a story but I feel like someone else got bit to someone and then had to get somewhere I feel like I got this like medevacked out suddenly numbers problems for a couple weeks or something no that's rich rebuilds that's a guy who he's like yeah it does it's a very interesting guy he has a YouTube channel and he bought a Tesla that was junked and then bought another Tesla and with the parts that it needed like to junked Tesla's

pieced it together and made his own Tesla at school like for a significant discount that's cool yeah it's really cool right but this Tesla people don't like them because they don't like the fact that he's doing that so he can't get a shit fixed at a regular Tesla dealership because a black ball them basically yeah so he opened up a place called the electrified garage so he's got his own Tesla unauthorized above are the center I love that gorilla shit well he's a great he's great too because he's just a real techy nerdy sort of very very informed guys for and a car guy too so he just like well this isn't make any fucking sense like how can I do this and so like okay he bought one that had been over run with water so all the electrical systems all fucked up but the body was good and he got another one that was in a car accident but the electrical systems could so he took that put it in there pieced it all together now he has a working Tesla so fucking handy yeah very clever fellow he also was one of the first guys I ever met that have one of those

these it's called a rat rod this is new shit you made that yeah okay so he got a fully electrified old-school hot rod Ford Model A wow uh-huh he's a smart dude motorcycle engine in it smart dude I love those guys are like find their passion yeah just really likes doing that yeah there's no other way to make money at it yeah but he's also just an interesting guy the thing about his YouTube videos it's like his perspective on things is just interesting like okay how do I fix this fucking thing yeah let's figure it out but the way to figure it out was he had to buy another one that was junk but then he had to get a key because like Tesla will give you a key for one of their cars like if you have a broken Ford right you go hey I fixed this mustang but I need a key for it can you guys you know make me a key Ford dealership or make you a key right there yeah we'll replace the cylinder yeah because why who cares what you do with it yeah we want what we want for it is different right if you have a Mustang and you have like a 1965 Mustang that you rebuilt yourself that

oh great that's cool that's cool yeah Tesla's like what are you doing this is unauthorized get away yeah it's going to explode you don't know how to work with battery fucking bullshit what are you definitely my rabbis direct just give it to me just give me the information I'll do what I want with it and the key fuck yeah so he had to have it hacked so that you can get the updates to because Tesla update won't do updates for you on the Block and I'm here to get a hacker to hack into a system so that he could get the updates that's a should impeach this guy that she got rid of them yeah it's they didn't want everybody following their rules are Zafir Jew in Chicago this November Chicago and San Jose what are you doing you doing comedy I'm doing stand-up comedy I'm doing a great New Era of stand-up comedy and now if you filming soon to be honest soon film and start figuring out if it should figure out where don't have this special pretty locked down pretty locked out I did have a Orthodox friend come Orthodox friend come to see it to be like point out like things are wrong factually and he got like

one and a half I'm so my guys so I got to change that was like a last effort to make sure everything is accurate no just some or something's headed a lot of these shit I was like dude I had like a three minute chunk that was murdering about Noah's 40 children yeah and then I went back to my Sheba and Jerusalem to my seminar and I was learning that stuff and it was like he had like did not have four children it was like two sons and a daughter back so I'd like to scrap if I can honestly four and a half minute murder chunk about Noah's wife pussy shit yeah but whatever that's all part of it but hold that are something else yeah right right I'm going to actually look up are there any other Jewish historical figures that have had 40 children or he doesn't even have to be Jewish historical figure anybody anybody can track someone else some other asshole yeah maybe a little miss muffets out of the whether it's with the the shoe the shoe lady curds and whey yeah yeah yeah right what's that shoe The Brothers Grimm shoe one long can the old spider

that aside I said oh that's not a dice album recently it's so over the top it's crazy how fucking bravado it is oh yeah oh my God he's like it look at you sweetheart it's just like oh my god I'm an album with albums like mattered right no record well you've heard when the laughter died right yeah that's great it's album a lot of separate out because it's terrible it's just like this is what stand up early is well he put no no no he had no material he decided to make an album with zero material just showing up stir just pop in at Dangerfield's in New York City record it with Rick Rubin and have no fucking idea what he was going to talk about and I'm sorry either know wow and this was when he was selling out a ring what a great follow-up to the one of the biggest albums of all time dude ice has unique cat it doesn't get enough credit for being as unique as he is he's a unique guy like just that alone like people talk about ego and

now do you know how healthy your ego has to be to release a 2-cd fucking release 2 CDs was to you couldn't fit it all on one day the laughter died was a 2-cd thing of people even bomb walking I remember this guy yelled at him you're about as funny as a glass of milk

it was so bad those finds a glass of milk that's a great thing I said to get re-evaluate every single time yeah oh my gosh oh my God he didn't give a fuck didn't care at all give a fuck he's this thing at the store just to entertain the door guys who were friendly with him who do his thing where he could see how long he'd go without saying anything of note so like and we'd be in the back dying those so I'll get up first he would like walk over to the mic and like tap it with the cigarettes and then like put it down test like not saying anything real right eventually we started our car I turned it up and then eventually he would go so I was at the thing you know with the guy comes over and he fucking talks you know how it is and then it's like you got to decide you know I did you just say nothing real and we're dying in the back as you just milking a fucking non and then you know the weather's out so of course there's that and then you gotta you gotta think about everything you know what I'm saying right sir it's just that and then finally

a little bit yeah we're just trying to piss them off sometimes it was great I would love to talk to him when he was releasing that that CD the day the laughter died like what does he think your mind here yeah would you why did you decide to do this yeah because it was clear he wasn't trying to kill know he's trying to be I'm just damn if I think he was really trying to show what a pop and said is really like I don't think so really think so no because a lot of times popping sets you're trying to get laughs he was trying to get laughs though Florida he just wasn't using his best ammunition it was only using any it's like playing Duke Nukem but only using knife no no it's like playing dumb nerd punch people yeah right right right right yeah yeah it's fucking awesome of death left and right still trying but not knowing how to punch I got to listen to the album again did he had no material its he was just fucking around like it seemed like everything he was saying he's inventing on the spot I need to ask him if that's the case I'm pretty sure it is because it seemed like it was all invented on the spot I got a record player finally

and I started like getting some comedy albums during their walk around and I'll just look Sam has our Dollar Bill Cosby's our fire sale yeah yeah so by them and they're amazing you get like you can see a state sales of Cosby stuff where people just got rid of them dollar dollar towns our would you have him on your podcast Bill Cosby yeah yeah for sure if he gets out of the Pokey I'd want to know what it is like in prison and I want to talk to him about like an outstanding new story oh yeah that story yeah I made for sure I want to hear from people like that do you think you know my biggest come out I don't know you'd have to ask them ahead of time you don't want to trap or anything but like my biggest regret the one get I wanted to get for skeptic thank for my podcast is Fred Phelps he died before I get I really want to just ask him the guy who ran the Westboro Baptist Church I want to ask him to legit way like what are you looking for do you think these methods will get there not make fun of them not argue with him just like what are you into

well did you ever see Louis the ruse documentary on him no it's amazing really really good yeah as I was just just talking to Louis about some new things he's got coming out now and it made me sort of revisit it Megan Phelps who is his granddaughter she's a little crazier no no well he's on the pot she was on the podcast she's she's really got out she's want to go to other daughter that runs it no no Megan is Megan's like remarkably kind and nice she got out knowing Because the Internet like knowing people online and meeting them and they sort of poured it out the hypocrisy and all the contradiction that all the different things and then and then she realized like oh my God I'm in a cult yeah yeah I mean a christian-based Cults yeah a lot of people also don't understand what your upbringing gives you you cut that thing off please drive me crazy that's happened why do it 50 year old man with a beard I took July off of all the of my internet and everything yeah I just took it off and I got so bored that I shaved bald in my head I saw that yeah

just so bored look thanks but I did it for the same reason I leave this on my girlfriend hates it I was trying to share my head with the back of you know the back of a beard I've of a are of a Tremor yeah so the back is just for their sideburns right but I was trying to shave all my head and I feel like 40 minutes I was back to like there and I was like fuck this I'll get a go by real like you know a real beard trimmer the next day and I saw my girlfriend she's like hey what no come on no and I was like no I'm gonna oh no I'm not keeping it now I kept it for a month and a half I only shave because somebody died in the comedy scene and I didn't want to beat his funeral like that but it was great dude I bronzed it it was so much fun I got it once I got at and you couldn't really tell you tend to the stripe yeah so it's just yeah so it was just full of just a bald cut nice bronze it was a lot of fun how come bronzing is okay but black face isn't acting like a Tanner person yeah

what you're acting like you're Brazilian yeah they right yeah shouldn't be allowed you acting like you're from Ecuador something like you're a jungle person I have a new theory about cultural appropriation only hear it yeah okay so you don't have to respect every person's culture right you have to yeah okay and if a part of that culture Kill You Is Wrong like I say about the Chinese pushing on subway I have been like two specials ago about Chinese people if they try to get on an elevator before you get off that's always a Chinese person that's almost always a Chinese person not Asian Chinese but that part of their culture you don't have to respect right no you have to pick everything so fine white culture is appropriating other cultures that's what we do best that's what Elvis did that's what we crush it at Mexican food hot dogs it's all appropriating other people's couches that's what we do so

I have to respect that in our culture which is taking on your culture like it yes like it because this whole country's a Melting Pot it's a Melting Pot that we are with this country it's the fondue place that's right you got to allow us to fondue your culture you can still use your culture right but we also can use it why can't you respect America's culture exactly our culture says he'll be respect exactly now you get it and that's why I'm running for president in 2020 for you can't handle me yet he's Ben gleib going to be your vice president Gable be my vice president hoping my minister of Affairs nice Trump is getting increased he's getting impeached Jamie you pay attention this I know you ever see one where you're just like I don't even know what you guys are talking about him I don't trust the media worth shit any time they say something like I love maybe boy who cried wolf yeah every single thing you like guys you just rile me up for nothing over and over again I don't know what any of the truth is all these people like what about this person said this Mike I never even heard of

guys what about the steel dossier yeah what about what about what about Ukraine I don't know about Joe Biden what about when he did what about this week yeah there's some fuckin shitty tweets we already got that it's already on the books no one's fighting that anymore stop it stop everything cancel everyone oh shut up all you to shut up seem quite man let's get so angry about it such a fucking annoying place now the internet make sure you get the right cigar that ashtray because I got out of those are Mike Tyson weed oh really it's Fat Boys right there that's Mike Tyson we joint damn yeah I smoke one of those a long time ago to that two hits yesterday wouldn't doing the that it's rarely comes in podcast I didn't know what I was talking about half the time

Sturgill school he's great got to see me the Troubadour good place that's my that was my line of like what is a good rock Club a big size Rock Club in La yeah apparently it's eats like 500 people but it doesn't really cause you're all standing yeah you got to be up on the top level 2 you can be there yeah I love that place I was being called the fuck once there was a last they were great and this is there was their farewell show they gave up there were done yeah but I'm like that sucks so bad they were really good really yeah I bought an album about a see you meant that couldn't get anywhere you know how it is like just like stand up when you have a name called fuck yeah I mean you went for it there were mellow music too really yeah fuck music with a music too fucked up maybe maybe I doubt it's even on there it could be but they're done you like to fuck the music it seems annoying yeah I don't if it's still on it's like I fucked him music but not like you know the idea that Quagmire idea of like putting something on to fuck to yeah Sade mmm I want I want to utter silence hmm

really over here the sheets move I like jackhammers The that that set a pace and that gives you a place to go and like it's kind of like a trouble with one of those things for a piano this process called metronome metronome yeah that's it natural but jackhammers explosions machine guns going off screaming that's what I like no I mean if you're going to listen to some music while you're fucking I get used to it when I was young I think though I think that was like a thing you put on candles play some music and get your fridge lose your virginity to what what yeah what song what music I think - Mazzy Star Mazzy Star happened to her I don't know certain people like they were great Tracy Chapman whatever happened to Tracy Chapman I actually got enough car that was going too fast and

boom my professional stand up comedian ass for them not fly away they had to make a decision tonight or live and die this way they were riding riding their car speeds of fast is felt I was drunk did you gotta go to Egypt yeah it would really like it I do want to do that you would like it how dangerous is it over there not very at all but there's a sense of danger for sure especially in the touristy Parts the problem is like we talked about one of those tours these cities in Italy where it's like it's too much you know I mean what's tourism has taken over town too much it's like no longer the field Venice okay yeah and you like want to be there but really what you want to be is there 25 years ago well Venice apparently they change the laws and allow these gigantic cruise ships to pull in the Venice but while we were there yeah uh cruise ship hit a dock and apparently they've been two accidents in the last month and they're trying to re-evaluate but they're addicted to the money of all these two

oops dude you ain't seen nothing like it man when we were there like it's kind of calm and then all sudden the cruise ship pulls up and then 20 minutes later sorry

Father of people just just ruining the place ruining any Vibe of the place we were on one of those gondolas and there's like a fucking traffic jam of gondolas behind us like this is not what we are is not what anybody signed up for is that one hitting oh my God is this invest and they're all like starting to walk slowly another walk a lot fast in oh my God I got caught in the middle get out of there okay get out of there no oh man the bond so what happens if they just can't back up quick enough and all these old people on a fucking shit but trying to like do their vote slamming into the fucking doc look at a crush that boat oh Jesus Christ it's just nailing that other bow my God is this just a moron who doesn't know how to drive or is there some sort of tactical break too much vermouth you got a little crazy with the Chianti yeah hey move out of the way already I want a glass of red wine right what'd you just say that you didn't know you can you wanted I would be really great right now yes glass of red wine nice glass of red wine we got a really been in Italy sure

no I'd like to know I was on the border the Austrian Italy border we hiked for On The Border for like six or eight days have gone to Italy the last four summers in a row yeah it's fucking great oh so what I'm going to tell you is the other places you kind of go which is like a way you know which is has more Italian feel is like the problem with Egypt is all those places stuff you want to see is in the touristy spots right because people are going to hear about see you in like if you go to the Colosseum is just surround Yeah by people but if you go early enough to the pyramids you're pretty good couple Hawkers will bother you but really you're good yeah I read this blog to tell me how to do it right I'd be in there first thing and you just have your run of the place I think I'm going to get some self tanner so I fit in smart so smart appropriate yeah you can wear a turban how come you can do that how come you can go full tan you can get this but at a certain point in time you get to a point where you're doing blackface yeah you doing blackface we talked about that when these two mutton shop had a bit we're talking about that with the line what's a color wheel bodybuilders but yeah there's

they do self tanner but then they leave their face out now and if it's out of the self tanner yeah that looks strangely the Photoshop fucking crazy so their face is white and their body is black that's a Photoshop then scared oh my God that black face but the here I blocked body but you used to have if they have chocolate body have chocolate body but they can't have chocolate Face I always thought that black face was the thing when you're doing like soft shoe and like you have like around I Sarah Silverman did yeah but like you're making fun of the black face yes but like but like black face wasn't when you were little and somebody would go full costume of something like if they were going as the Hulk that would go green everywhere you can do that some people just go green nose like why don't you commit right and then if you're doing a mr. T you go full-on yeah see ya you go people like Wow you went for it but he'll Jam but that back then that wasn't offensive to it wasn't that was like not black face that was just black makeup right what happened I think once dummies find the line they don't really know how to put it into play it's not like a dr. Cornel West was saying something

just think it just some idiot on Twitter and they go well I think that's like the thing that they said yeah well they never get mad at you they were going after white girls wearing hoop earrings yeah there were saying the white girls wearing whooping earrings at hoop earrings are black and Latina which is hilarious because no they're not they're actually invented and some are the oldest known hoop earrings were in Mesopotamia Yaks they had they would I saw this article on the bottom me there made it in somebody's dining hall of a college and I got really mad because Vietnamese it's like that's not how you even make it you're doing it but get with this and somebody's like yeah but get you think that's Vietnamese the baguette you got it from fucking friends 70 years ago you idiot when they were there yeah I mean Italian stole spaghetti yeah it's like whatever I enjoy your shit I'm going to use it yeah that's what I'm saying bro it's fucking good food good music yeah that's one of the good things about America right we steal somebody on a daily shows making fun of me I had this thing and Burrows in a burrow

and I saw it a charity Shop thrift store this beautiful Asian designs like Chinese designed velvet shirt button down shirt with his beautiful like inlay and stuff and I was wearing it and she was like wow that might be you know kind of cultural appropriation I'm like why it's just pretty I thought was pretty and good looking and she goes out it's not intent my guess a my intent was I think it's good looking so why are you still talking about it's like well maybe and the right as we're talking four or five like Chinese people walk by like Chinese tourists and they like stop like oh hey and they pointed like yeah yeah yeah we like it and it was a gassy they're fine yes stupid

shut up everybody shut up well you know they ask Japanese people about what was her name who was it that what dressed up like a geisha mmm was it Katy Perry she got in trouble for dressing up like a geisha people are mad the Chinese people were very are the Japanese people were very happy they like those people show the show the respect for our culture and they enjoy our culture if people dressed up like Jews Like Hasidic Jews I really put myself in the place I'm like I think that would be hilarious and fun to for make sure I don't think and I don't think instead of Jews would give a fuck one way or the other right they might accidentally talk to you now well what if you're doing an activity that requires you to dress in a traditional garb like in Thailand when you have those fucking elephant pants on every tourist Backpacker dude house yeah those are so you can ride elephants yeah me and more they make you part of this like makeup stuff so stop you from getting burned oh look it's a sunscreen makeup yeah yeah you're allowed to do that but I mean it helps you you need it you're out what about cultural appropriation is not much I don't care

they think it's funny no I guess it's not more important answer that are really they're not really concerned with that all these things by the way these things like funny words like that cultural appropriation and you know dead naming all those are a lot to San Francisco's exports to the world you know is it all from San Francisco yeah they invent all those things and Export it but those are all things that like only exist and get people angry in a in an opulent society when you can afford to be angry about tiny things like that it's a sign of like we're all doing great meanwhile that city is the most overrun city in the country when it comes to drug abuse and when it comes to use folks ya know like in the streets yeah but you're doing you shooting up in front of people's houses that's abuse dude I see those people in New York the bent-over Tweakers bent over look like a fucking human question mark and I know they look awful but I know they're having a blast I think so oh for sure just looks wrong they are fucking

love and they're in another place what if while they're in that other place they just shit their pants when I come back ankle when they come back it's gonna be problem but they're having a great time they're not they're not in pain where do you think all this social justice Outreach goes do you think it's it dies off when people realize how ridiculous it isn't it becomes like bell-bottom jeans dude I think it's all caused by the Internet by these Echo Chambers you live in yeah and these algorithms that want you being angry yeah I think it's making everybody angry about it's the same fervor as the Blue Dress gold dress it's on one of these things now and it's the same fervor is like this was too dirty before it's like was to race-related this is to misogynist whatever it's just like people turning on each other on a level of like why you guys would sit next to each other at a ball game and have a good time everybody's pretty fucking nice to each other most people most people aren't get that fucking and word on my way I mean you just never see those people anymore right so it's like are we just looking for someone to attack

so in the Bible in the Torah there's this med Rush as like a fable of so got to choose to choose what they taught us in Yeshiva to choose the Jews it's unfair to have us as a chosen people right it's unfair to the other cultures so there's this Fable that says God tried every other culture let him live their entire existence and then they died out they killed each other off never got to the Messiah age and then died out so one time he picked the Christians one time you pick the Chinese one time he picked the fuckin Norwegians one time you think the Germans as his like this is my race right and every time it didn't work out and one time in one of these things and they said maybe that's what a dinosaurs are he gave them the world for a while and it didn't work yeah but yeah it's like you guys are kind of reaching you can just say whatever but they're trying to explain it away because I got no explanation for dinosaurs but anyway what they said it used to be where crops just grew and animals were just abundant and you know what had to Toil and so the mankind would toil

and then didn't have to everything just grew right so they would think that maybe this would be easier to be nicer there's this guy who has his theory on like since computers are going to come up we're not going to need like 40 hours of work week anymore probably 20 and his theory I forgot his name is that with those other 20 hours will read more will do crazy things but I don't think it is because in this Fable of Judaism when man didn't have to toil they just went to war they just start murdering each other hmm because you need conflict so in great times that we're in right now where everybody's doing well on iPhone costs a lot of money and almost nobody had doesn't have one right we're doing great we're an opulent Society racism's down tool super low levels but you need someone to attack so even when you're in a bubbles I love you New York and almost everybody's 95% on your side you're like I need to attack somebody because everything's too easy so it's a sign of how great we are I think that's accurate I think that's definitely what's going on at they don't there's not real problems like real war

real like hard hard crime and violence in the streets and so we're looking for things to be upset at I also think there's a lot of people that have access to their phone whether it work and I think they're bored as fuck I think there's only rods yep there's a lot of wasted time if you were an employer and you're paying someone to do stuff by the hour I guarantee you most of their time spent listening to podcasts watching YouTube videos and talking shit on Twitter getting what's making you angry yeah angry yeah it's all those things used to be so good do that July I was off computer completely didn't do anything how to house phone no texting no nothing didn't look at a computer how do you feel I felt I mean obviously it was like harder I had to write down all my flights and stuff ahead of time so you can take care of it you know I felt really free bored as shit you know I would do that shave my head cause I was just bored or weekend but like really free of it all and just kind of like Smiley and happy and everywhere I just wasn't seeing the negativity wasn't like right

coming in but now I'm using it and I feel it coming back why don't you just avoid reading comments I mean it is possible it's tough in the in the board moments of life right where I'm sitting on the toilet or whatever like the ideally board moment things can you just read stuff with one right that's right there and I have five minutes to fill these are checking out social media yeah something like that or look at my friends posted Google news feeds I just start reading articles to that's most of what I do with my phone read articles read articles and watch videos and the videos that I'm watching they're almost always videos on like science or space well there's that too where I'm looking at espn.com or something like that but it just feels like wasted time sometimes it's wasted time sometimes it is sometimes taking a shit but you but I've also decided to take shits without my phone sometimes and then I sit there and think and you think so the sauna you go to the sound of the steam room right and it's just like boom boom boom and then you realize like why am I not entering into that more that's where my brain is going boom boom boom that's why the tank is amazing you need to use the tank use a sensory deprivation

until you can't bring anything in there you're fucking floating in water so nothing in there yeah you're telling me I could yeah exactly and just thinking and it's just explode so that's what I was getting a lot more of yeah and I started getting bored I started looking at my axe a lot more and writing everything out like how many personal Biz don't have any or how many like historical bits and how many everything and really looking at it cause you're bored just pour yourself into it right instead of this wasted hours yeah well negative folk and doing that and I'll go to people's feed and see them constantly arguing with people I don't engage in that anymore yeah I don't gauge in engage in any of it zero I do 0 arguing with people on Twitter zero argument people on Instagram I post things and I get the fuck out of what is this program that lets you like shut off after an hour I love that it's like a thing that you use for your kids you can but you could use it for yourself to it screen time and someone else will preside built into your phone so you can't snooze it out you're like done now it's done that's great yeah that's great because even when you're not using it by the are you're like I don't want to like but you can do it later messages and you can still make this a phone that's what you need that's what you need and you have a

just your camera if you need to keep pushing for social media if you got to put stuff up and then like Get Right Out yes yeah

but just don't read it I just so hard though that's so weird I know it's just pull such a weird Pole right yeah and then you want to read these like even these anti comedy or Pro comedy stuff it's like it gets me riled up I want to get in there and read it and you realize it's almost nobody in real life talking about it so you're getting riled up over nothing but it is funny to read like Vox articles like whoa yeah it's funny how ridiculously wrong they get stand up hey like that's not even the way it works yeah yeah I was I was listening to this video where they were criticizing so a right-wing comedian they were talking about it him saying yeah fucking gay gaze funny right black people black people that's fucking funny seeing black people no one says that now once these caricatures of conservative people and of other people that have different perspectives all you're doing is making people not like you and pushing people in the other way you're not yeah I really make your point you just say it's how we doing something it's that old joke that never liked when it's like all

do is say something like a lame way and your and that's your proof of it being lame yeah you know what's up man it's like no that's not your son but you just didn't take different voice on that you just week just have a weird tired way of expressing yourself yeah it's fake so we're going to do another podcast any minute now I think they're here yeah shut this one down going to shut this down Ari shaffir but I'm not going to be enough isn't it yeah Chicago in November and San Jose I'll be in Nashville in October and all through Texas is week San Antonio whatever doing Ari shaffir Jew and just tweet re he'll get back to you he reads all the comments are the great.com are they going to come at pockets is kept saying I have a double special on Netflix see that so people can understand that's a great idea is the skeptic tarisha fears skeptic tank he's not good at least listenable guy when it comes he's a professional orator that stuff faster than anybody it's fought every week is a different topic we cover a podcast you really have an excellent products that I love it listen all the time

there's a ton of great episodes and I know the State of the Union One with Dave Smith is always X just came out first up video podcast we did it a gas station recorded a beautiful you should be putting video yeah I do a studio I can just turn on yeah why not man is he's producer later Z DZ beautiful all right we're going to be back with the official sober October podcast with other fucking losers who are going to tell us that we tried it already by smoking cigars come see me Chicago November tickets at Ari shaffir.com or are you the great.com yeah that's he'll tell us were cheating fucking fine thank you everyone for tuning into the show and thank you to our sponsors thank you to LegalZoom you can save 10% for a limited time on the things that you've been meaning to do with LegalZoom just go to legalzoom.com right now and use the offer code Rogan at check out Legal Zoom where life meets legal we're also brought to you by the Anthony Jeselnik podcast the Jeselnik and Rosenthal Vanity

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