#1279 - Jessimae Peluso

Apr 8, 2019

Jessimae Peluso is a stand-up comedian and television personality. Checkout her podcast called "Sharp Tongue" available on iTunes & Stitcher.

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ladies and gentlemen welcome to the program this episode is brought to you by Squarespace the host of Joe Rogan.com and maybe soon the host of your website you can make your own now it used to be hard used to be you had a code you to learn shit you to learn a program that did it it always looked whack it was on Windows if you made it for a Mac that's not anymore now with Squarespace if you have regular computer type skills you know how to move files around on the desktop can you do that okay you can make an amazing website you can they have beautiful templates and a simple easy to use drag-and-drop user interface then even a dumb dumb like me will understand and you can use that to sell products and services of any kind each website comes with a free online store and they have powerful e-commerce functionality lets you sell anything online so if you're thinking about starting a business you could do it with Squarespace they have built-in search engine optimization

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today and when you download the cash app enter the referral code Joe Rogan all one word five dollars goes to you that's five free dollars and better yet five dollars would go to support our good friend Justin's Ren just in rennes fight for the Forgotten charity helping to build Wells for the pygmies in the Congo we're also brought to you by movement watches ladies and gentlemen our all-time favorite Underdog success story M VM T movement watches there are founded on the belief that style shouldn't break the bank and they sold almost two million watches worldwide by bringing quality designs at fair prices there are minimalist watches they're very nice-looking with beautiful materials and they got a bunch of different styles they just drop their first-ever automatic watch The Arc automatic it's beautiful they have 1960s muscle car inspired blacktop collection

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it has chaga mushrooms and lion's mane mushroom in it as well yeah it's great for your whole body chaga is it's got powerful antioxidants and it's got a taste similar to coffee so the three blend very well together and it doesn't make you jittery it's good I like it mushroom coffee comes an easy to use and carry single-serving packets you can stash them at your desk or in your gym bag in your course we have a special offer for listeners this podcast you can receive 20% off your for Sig Matic order when you go to for Sig Matic.com Joe Rogan or use the discount code Joe Rogan at checkout that's fo you are SI G m-- atic.com Joe Rogan or use the discount code Joe Rogan at checkout for 20% off my guest today is a hilarious stand-up comedian good friend of mine from the comedy clubs of Los

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Alice and you might have seen her on Girl Code and a bunch of different things she's awesome please give it up for my friend Miss Jessie Mae peluso

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The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day

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life really centered with Sean I centered you made it happen we've been having problems with our tricaster doesn't want to try it's like not today every third show it don't I'm tired Wonka live I centered the Cheeto I sent the energy dude you made it happen that's a rare wake-and-bake day I don't do this you don't know no I get shit done first usually can you not get shit done when you wake and bake I kind of fuck off things if I get if I get hired at o'clock in the morning like what's the what's important really I get stuff done really yeah I have like you know I'll do like my cup of coffee in a joint and I'll get some stuff done I joke that it's like makes me super motivated to do not a goddamn thing but I get stuff done I mean all the stuff I get done as I like vacuum seven times looks like my apartment like four times the other day some meth thing you sure someone's not slipping meth into your we must not put all the rumors out there now but you got any Petty Bravo used to say that about girls like

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if it was dating a girl has already used to work at a strip club and he dated a lot of the gals that were performers there and he said you really know when a girl's a meth head because you go over house it's always clean he's always playing the big never clean enough maybe I'm a method or just a Virgo apparently speed freaks not method part 8 francs when people are on speed maybe coffee is the thing that does it to me and then I just get focused from the weed there's not one ounce of dog hair in my house really fresh that's crazy you have like 50 dogs you're crazy dog lady

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do I have three dogs wait don't you have like a pack of chicken in your backyard dude I used to what happened to him coyotes got them all I thought you were up with the bow and arrow no we we had an issue where our chicken coop burnt to the ground oh fuck fucker knows fires you lost you ladies know we didn't they managed to fly out and they were in the yard we lost two of them because they wouldn't we couldn't round them up to get them into the chicken pen and because we got a new chicken pen would it wasn't as big and then they were too good for iot zait those two and then they realize that they're all in this one pan and one day we were gone they opened it up and gotten them killed all nine of them how they how they opened him up pulled it apart with her teeth Yo Dawgs are listen he's in domestic ones domestic dogs but they're smart the difference between a coyote and a domestic dog is like the difference between a hardened Criminal on death row yeah and a baby now you hundred percent right and the experience and what you had to do

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survived it's all they've done is survive and murder they don't have a house that's feeding them food I mean they're fucking little wool yeah and it's like literally dog-eat-dog world out there yeah what was the gentleman Dan coyote America the the author goddamn it was he like a doodle lived amongst the world's yes Dan Flores know he's a wildlife biologist and historian yeah he was talking about the history of coyotes and wolves in North America apparently all wild dog species came from North America even like jackals yeah she like that like they made it across over there somehow like during the pangaea's period or such as yeah the outside is it's an era no it's well when they think that all of the continents were connected together yeah we are one we were One Flat Earth and has one flat table that's flat no no it's obviously not a giant chunk and then the rest was water

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it spread out which is fucking weird what we see happening how did that in like also is that happening on our insides on like a it's obviously on a cellular level of the things just splitting and being torn the fuck apart is here's the the modern Pangaea map this is modern the modern country separations and all that because oh this is what it looked like it's brought up I thought this is there's more about it depends you still real America what is that I thought there was some Knuckleheads I thought that is that really all of the continents together whoa it shows you how much goddamn water there is so much water that's a mind fuck yeah because you really like to think that we're all dirt and not as much water it's so much water it's all water it's like a little speck in a huge-ass ocean that's what's really crazy is it was ground-dwelling motherfuckers of figured out how sock all the fish out of that water I know it's crazy did that just to be able to get those suckers out your bare hands and then they're like yeah we need something we need the smaller see

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raishin I think until they came up with the Nets and stuff like that I don't think they were real effective I think they just got what they got and they ate that but the populations were fine yeah but in the last whatever hundred and fifty years they've been using nuts they just jacked out whole ocean what do you think happened to the do to figure it out like the hook you probably got all the pussy in town but due to like hook the fish she was getting all those fishies he was getting the ones that were way deep what the kind of pussy that you would get back when you invented you don't want it but in your modern mind you don't put back then you're like he'll this is fresh fresh it only smells like must intend you had you become an American something's happening to you

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wakin bacon is taking you to another another level another level for sure yeah I come to my group let's guess how long ago do you think they invented the fish hark do they even know I'm going to say it's a really old invention called Arrowhead time yeah exactly like native Native before pre Native American those bitches would just break if you think about a big fishhooking like a little thin what would they make it up bone probably must be bone maybe but you think going to be too heavy yeah it was thinking what would also break yeah wouldn't be able to hook it well yeah it must have been bone I bet it was born yeah but bones get brittle especially after like you know they're off the body and they start to hmm calcify and all that

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look how old do you think it is it's got some really old Juniper what it says Juniper wood was the first one oh wow 23,000 years ago he would rais'd there it is Norwegians yeah the oinking sharks there are made from sea snail shells oh that's crazy crazy bunch of information I'll put together in this in Okinawa Island dated between 20 2003 80 and 20 2007 70 and that crazy they get it that close they're basically in an inner you know give or take 80 90 years hundred years I don't that neighborhood it's like the is it carbon dating I mean that's the only thing I remember from high school how do you even how do you date it back to they fight is it like a forensic thing where they grabbed a fly in there like yeah this was six years ago because of the juices on the wings I think it's there's like a bunch of factors like one of them is the dirt that's around where they find it like if they find it on the ground then it's covered with dirt over hundreds and hundreds of years it could take some of that dirt and last it yeah

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I can see what's in it they are the trying to test I think whoa that's crazy I want those earrings is that a fish hook click the that's how the shell you know those are fresh those are really nice I would rock those would you yeah we're Comedy Store oldest Fish Hook found in Okinawa wow 23,000 years ago that's crazy and as so they're saying that the oldest Fish Hook is linked to the Norwegians I would say Japanese says Okinawa yeah Norwegian thing was saying that and up until the 1950s there were they were still using wood and oh I see it's like added fact yeah Japanese makes sense I wonder if they all figured it out the same time different spots in the world you know wonder if it's one of those things like you know like they there's just some weird thing who's that is that Rupert sheldrake is the morphic resonance Theory he's got this weird theory that I think the idea is that if some rat learns a maze on the East Coast Rats on the west coast will learn that maze quicker

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what what how like a like a little know the collective Consciousness amongst the rats as weird as it sounds there might be some sort of strange connection that all rats share and not just all rats but all living beings his argument was that if this is demonstratable with a rat in a maze that if they did something like with human beings if they could figure out a way to prove this it's likely what's happening is it like he was he brought up a bunch of different factors like inventions that are simultaneously taking place like all over the world like one strain you can attribute some of that to education right like yeah definitely education what's going on like the the the trends that are happening in education but like but they also think that might be something else going on underneath the surface like on a different realm like if you learn if we're all species and you're on one side of the world you learn something the people on the other side of the world have like greater access to it and some weird way that's really bizarre

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don't that freaks me out that's like Matrix e shit right there it's also unprovable and you bring it up to real scientists to get upset with you what's interesting though is the mat the map thing the maze thing with mice and rats the cuz I think that's see if that's been proven a pretty sure maze thing that if you show amazed to rat on one side of the country they learn it quicker on the other side how the I don't understand how that can even be a thing well there's another one that's really interesting but I don't know how much of this is just because they didn't observe it before but they've noticed that apes are starting to use tools like cell phones to text each other no not that yet what weren't monkeys using tools so I wants to go home no but apparently they use tools like to get like they'll stick sticks into anthills to get ants but they're also use rocks to break things open or money before I would imagine Apes would follow suit I think they've what they're saying is

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saying officially that they've entered into the Stone Age oh boy so like if we are watching if you saw a human evolved from being a person that you know what we whatever the fuck we used to look like when they first figured out Fish Hooks grunting to today you know there's many many generations of change and all sorts of different shit that we learned that we are watching literally the birth of that separation between like the regular chimps that are just chilling in the forest to The Chimps that are starting to figure out tools and weapons right like the first day we see a champ make a fucking spear or just fear sharpen it up and stabbed another chimp to death planning to the yeah stay in chimps are becoming woke is that what's happening like they're becoming an enlightened and smarter I know that just chimps there's one with an orangutan it was amazing American with spearfishing no oh dude you got to see it that's crazy mayor I mean it's really crazy but like it's a beautiful thought was going to be walking down the highway with a like a briefcase soon I don't think it's going to be there

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freaky man that freaks me out but it is so we're witnessing Evolution they're learning things and this one I think the issue was that this orangutan had watched fishermen do this so he had apparently watched some fishermen like standing on a Ledge and stabbed fish so he decided to try to figure it out himself that makes sense I mean that's how all creatures essentially I mean puppies kittens they all learn it's just it's to a limit they don't get past that sort of being able to use tools yeah that picture that's wild bringing a video too so I thought there might have had video of it but I'm my dog opened his daughter this dog food container When I Was Gone damn a Twist a twisted yes he did it I got to get a camera but I came home and that top was twisted off in his belly was like look at that look at that picture

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ha ha ha orangutan spearfishing I mean that's crazy if you saw that in a movie you would say that is fake that is so that looks like a still from Jungle Book it's amazing it's an amazing photo get that photo framed Jimmy get out yeah be that photo and let's do that that's really cool that fucker she's like that framed I talk about this picture all the time that is so wild so fascinating it really looks like the Jungle Book you know if you ever had you 23andMe done I don't want I don't want to know about it but like how accurate is it you know it's like what's with the science you're just gonna trust a piece of paper that comes back I wanted to go to the lab and see who's doing this like how do you know you're not just getting some like you know General packet that they're sending back to you how do you do it why would they do that because they're got your money why would anyone do anything why are motherfuckers throwing fits and grocery stores people are crazy you know we're talking about if you get high

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you get a little bit just a little bit psychotic like there's something yeah something happens yeah and you really do like entering the world schizophrenia yeah you just did how do I know this science is good yeah yeah and what did it say all kinds of stuff mostly stuff I knew that I'm mostly Italian and Irish but they put Irish and English together which I thought was interesting I've 1.6 percent African 57% more Neanderthal traits than the average person I could have told you that I could have told without even the blood work I saw that I saw the paperwork I'm like duh figures I mean I know I'm wrong look at that look at that face look at that head you're definitely Neanderthal you're like you're a link that's missing for sure no it's just Italians in general and then don't be angry my Italian people because I'm Sicilian what strange monkey Folk

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right that should be your next special title so this is so when I was in Italy we had a cab drivers and the cab drivers would like to stick their head out the window stare at someone's ass like we're gonna do some odd on the Slow Down Speed up there they're smooth but it's just it's just their Savage they're like and then I thought about I was like well of course they are like they used to be the Romans yeah thanks to be the Curt everyone he met you imagine how gross life must have been like back then with people gross it's gross now but it was really gross that without plumbing and I will say yours toilet seats are the warmest I've ever sat on thank you very much so it compared from here to the Roman era yeah nasty yeah what did they do they going on their oil or their shit though went through the streets right I'm not part of the problem that's why everybody was infected in sicken I mean there's no system they couldn't figure that out mulch you know maybe like fertilizer to pour over

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it but that was it you know what I bet it was like is like people throw their cigarette butts on the ground like someone will clean it yeah someone else to clean it some little you know some little hand will grab it some old poor kid so but I mean there's no perspective they were just in their own little yeah they didn't know they didn't they were living as sophisticated as anybody that ever did this shit holes is that what you shedding that's a shot hole and you around a bunch of other people Shadow hello hello Saul shit together you put your toes and you get a manicure pedicure that's what that little thing spread your toes apart do you think that those folks had like curtains in between them when they shot nah look at that look at that corner seat number one upper yeah right there how about that one he's touching everybody's touching shit in there yeah they were all they were all just in it having a conversation talking about the latest Gladiator Sports yeah can you believe the tiger got them I don't know why I sound like when we were there they were talking about the front rows the

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Rose where all the rich people sat to watch the Coliseum and that was when if a tiger did get out that's where they usually got to those people and killed a bunch of them that's iron ironic just there to get a front row seat and then Nature's like a cow gotcha it's partly these buckets that they're all jerking each other off my God they're shitting and sandals of course this is everything in sandals who's the guy with a satchel all the way on the left he'd Play Doh okay covering his cock forget it okay I get it dog shitting in the hole oh I bet that's not true but dogs didn't shit in the whole year that all this shit on the floor shit on the everything so there's that me what they're like what are these spoons for there's a living shit scooping the poop out of your butt spoons to in case it gets all probably scoop the water out disgusting fax them to pull it up Hollywood scoop out the water oh boy who's this guy some guy with a video on discussing things with poop yeah you guys have the nicest toilet here ever I can't imagine I mean what was sex like back then him

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even though they're in their own era and their perspective is limited because of you know just where they're at it still must have been gross this guy had to be disgusting they must have smelled terrible there's no soap there's no soap there's no no well they must have had someone point out but was like you know it just wasn't as fancy as our soaps yeah there's no deodorant no deodorize just oils and water what is going on here Jamie they holding hands or they're sharing that spoon thing I can't tell what is this he's in a real moment wipe with or if the yeah that guys are on it looks like Little Dicky and Cosby here's the other thing to why not be a little further apart boys yeah why are they so close hey hey fella with the robe how about you scoot over there's a couple extra stall sure that spoon you don't be reached to break things loose he was down a couple seats but homie needed a hand to hold I think what that was is they would take that spoon and they would wash their hands and use their hand to wash their

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but that's so barbaric so I think you're not supposed to shake hands with your left hand In some cultures I think taking such a butt wipe in here yeah so you would take the water you pour it in your hand if I had a guess and you lather your butthole that's discussed I mean why not grab a leaf those fuckers were wearing Leafs anyways is outfits and leaves one day a couple points couple dudes are running around the Leaf shirt and a leaf outfit I think the Leafs is something the added to those Roman statues when people got mad about the peonies it got a little weird they got a little modest they were sensitive their modest then without any Plumbing well I think they they just decided to differ bad somewhere warm along I decided that a long time ago a sponge on the end of a stick they would wipe them they shared a sponge no oh man Duncan no no no

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but sponge since we got these toilets that actually clean your butt with warm water when you press a button nicest well it's also the cleanest like what are we doing smear and shit around all you're doing is like smear and some of it off everywhere on your body is on the handles of shit came out of your nose would you be comfortable just smearing it like that and just give it a good wipe are we in drummer we and you know right now Ventura California yeah no I'm a very clean person I wet nap that bunghole whenever I can all day long keep it crisp good move keep it crisp and clean do you think that you would use one of those toilet things hell no you wouldn't absolutely not you'd see me crapping in the woods I mean this one the one we have are you kidding me that's the most luxurious gel one though you have ever taken in my life translation there was like a remote control yeah that's like the upper echelon of society crap right there it's very fancy it's not that expensive really no that's not me for what it does it's like very very valuable

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at first I was confused because there was a couple of Lawndale what's it called bron bron L bron bron door

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say give them some love I think gave it to us for free too there's a remote there too with a bunch of settings Brandel yeah it's a very nice toilet and that's like a model from like many years ago they have it nailed they had it nailed like oh no these are recent these are ones that we bought when we got the studio right yeah it wasn't too hot either didn't feel like someone was just sitting there you know you ever have that experience where it's like there's a there's a but just here right there's a pleasure that you don't want to feel good I'd rather see the uninviting him can't stay here all the bags here is long since abandoned how the crabs do you do you like only crap in certain places or where you go like cuz on the road you travel a lot like you just gotta go when you gotta go you gotta do do what you gotta do yeah I'm not scared you're not discriminating in public no not even just being Joe Rogan and like being next to the person who's like what are you gonna do I heard you're shitting huh yeah the bathrooms like Adventists Beach though are you going in there I have what you want are these public toilets

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speech see whenever you deal then that smell of homelessness that why no peace in Rome that is Rome there's nothing worse you got pissed so close that people wearing forever you know that super ripe pungent homeless crazy person smell it's the most thick smell ever it's a weird smell that you get you lie to a more but it's real similar like this is what what when you get it's usually a person that's got mental illness and they piss themselves or shit themselves they get this really deep horrible odor to them doesn't even know but it's so similar it is similar to like same it's like the same smell like Bo like really bad Bo is almost always the same kind of smell been first of all that's the main reason why I've never been I would imagine yeah we're just using salt rocks to clean our pitch we found out that modern

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don't industrialized uterine is really just a plot it's just a plot you know what else like furthermore to your point they really abuse it chemicals and ingredients so this is like cruelty free free yeah Frank nobody's like offended well they make the product yeah you either get it all natural which is like rocks ever seen those things like mineral rocks you're supposed to rub your armpits for real work at all smell like a salty homeless person what is this salt in your pits work is that what people do you know what works what if you don't have a deodorant or anything lemon Citrus it's a you know antibacterial natural notion yeah that makes sense Spritz some oregano oil on that that's it also antimicrobial natural and asset into antiseptic eucalyptus oil yeah put some oil some men in your nether regions though that might hurt my heart the couch couch are you member Kitty a soap called defense soap it's all made with natural oils

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it's the best the eye is designed for Grapplers because Grapplers get like skin Scrat like scratches and infections and a lot of ringworm and shit wow so have you get ringworm Bunch times what yeah I've had ringworm I've had staff twice and I had ringworm I think three times isn't that basically we're like three times because I've had it on my feet which is basically the same thing you poke your finger and poop and scratch right that's science you are a doctor clearly the fuck is wrong with Mike from like it's put bacteria I don't think so I think ringworm is just a parasite and it's what happens is it gets through I think it gets through broken skin scratch skin and then it forms this weird ring like a logo bull's-eyes dude fucking gross I can't I can't deal with it like shows like the monsters that inside of me I don't want to know someone sent me a link it was Josh Wolf sent me a link about the

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the little like mites that are in your eyelashes handle people in their cars in the 405 I don't want to know about fucking mites in my eyelashes imagine if you could just see on the 405 as you drive and how many people have lice if lights on the cars there should be that's the future that's what we need I don't want to know your followers I want to know how many licenses you have in your fucking life is a weird one because life is around when I was a kid but everyone's not around first of all I can't get any more thank you I know you're hearing Moon I'm lice-free your impervious to lice but when I was a kid um I was like what are they going to figure this life thing out because apparently adults don't get it so one thing that's what the fuck no hardly ever have like those last time you had your hair check for lice well I'm not hanging out napping in a kindergarten where the children are riddled with it but if I did how are the kids getting it because they roll around going head-to-head talking about you know just got to be patient zero what the fuck's going on with page position 0 some little kid was probably some rich kid

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parents neglect and when he's had been there for a long time yeah he's got rich lice rice

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he thinks it's funny marijuana it really does it does it's kind of it's an amazing amazing medicine for your brain it's super weird when you're not high and you watching people that are and yeah this is unattractive what's happening right now no we're both High three of us that's right Jamie's hi to Jimmy he's yeah he's very responsible those oven mitts on your shirt Jamie oh that makes me want like a grilled cheese sandwich I don't know why yeah what is that Johnny Cupcakes oh cool when it be amazing if grilled cheese sandwiches were super good for you oh God it's my one thing that I just it's my food like the one thing french fries imagine french fries were the shit it's like they've found out that it actually turns your age back sweep is that work because it's a fry part that's the worst if you just said the sweet potato fries bacome you're good what is bad I don't I think it depends on what kind of oil you cook it under but I think whenever you cook

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anything in hot oil there's something about the way the oil breaks down that your body's like what tickets carcinogenic doesn't it I don't know but I like when you use big words can you pretend you're a doctor again doctors like hey bleep eat french fries doctors like I think it's carcinogenic right goddamn this Health Plan fuck you Obama fuck your singer pay care you know pants you can't afford Healthcare come over my house I'll let you know if your carcinogenic or not There's Something Real gross about people that are like oh you know Get Better Health Care Go Get Better Health Care yeah like it's just readily available that's one of the grossest ones when you don't you don't feel for fellow citizens in our community that don't have health care you know I've I didn't have health care forever got it all right go yo I got it a week ago and I booked all the appointments did you everything I got the kitty cat schacht got

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teeth checked nice eyes do you worry about the teeth you ever have the feeling like you have a cavity like a phantom cavity like shit yeah that's my tooth hurt to have a fucking cavity I definitely did my teeth were like crevasses oh J Bunche cavities yeah she felt me like four times because I haven't been because Healthcare is ridiculous we meet again no I wasn't eating candy you know these holes in your face I don't know I think like you know changes in my life maybe I got ringworm from you change your attitude changes yeah little kids get it all the time they do oh dude you're the Roman dirt I'm gonna blow you away blow your mind away okay hookworm is was super common in the South and it literally diminishes your capacity for thinking so like the idea of like this laughs oh God Southern dumb person Theo no I'm sorry I didn't know she's gonna do that I would never have her on bro you know I love you

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I love you for you know not see you but maybe people Co knows his relative if you had to say that the of on voice like maybe a few people that I know yes yeah there were all hookworm victims what so how do you get hookworm walking around Barefoot oh I mean there's just too many opportunities to get these worms in your body oh for sure that's so gross like when you see dudes who go to like some foreign country and they get scratched and they come back on a botflies going out of their head and their bellies a kid just died recently in India I think it was India he got a infection he was having headaches and it turns out worms from Pig feces had they had made it all the way up into his brain and they were making cysts all throughout his brain yeah they said it was so bad they couldn't even give him deworming medication because

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they did the reward his brain would start bleeding and then you know he would suffer from a stroke what I am not gonna sleep tonight all is warm talk that is a Tim hearable to cirrhosis pull those pictures up on the pics they have pictures of the dudes brain it's like filled with sis God what are we looking at this because we're too high and it's like 10:00 in the morning oh you know what I was saying before I forgot to bring my fanny pack you gave me one of your fanny packs and I travel with that everywhere thank you very much I'm glad you enjoy it's the most trying to spread the word source for thing ever broken this is my fanny pack I know I can wear this forever the same one and a couple people have talk some shit and I was like you better step back step back step back I've got my Pharmacy in there I've got my whole thing so I can be a doctor on the road you know Seth scope I got a scalpel what's up he complained of having pain in his groin and swelling in his eye and then they found out he had sis all over his brain I mean I have pain in my groin every week

► 00:36:51

point one look at his brain on the on the right I'm assuming is the result both of us different views of they're both different views those little holes are all cysts inside his brain yeah his brain is literally imploding all those little spots those little white spots those are all little cysts inside his brain that must have been painful fucking pure Agony and must be pure act and this was an India you said what country was this man India yeah you know Tom fuck that and just imagine like people having not the access to health care in this country but at least we're a little bit modernized being in one of those countries and being poor you're fucked you really are you're so fucked by swallowing microscopic eggs passed in the feces of a person who has intestinal pork tapeworm by never going to brunch again but think about that's not even just pork tapeworm it's the eggs in the shit of a

► 00:37:51

who has the tape when you see what the God Jesus Christ holy hell is getting your mouth from shit I smoked a joint before this shit I am in a pure panic attack yeah don't eat ass in India unless that person is on anti tape worm medication also never eat ass again I mean this is a PSA for anti a seating it is I told you I had E.coli a few weeks ago that was my life Lois and Jimmy there's been a change in the way that the pork industry is going to be doing inspections at the government's going to stop doing it apparently has of like early May and the industry is now taking over oh that'll be the variable here that's just that's exactly what you want this is one of those things where people that are all in favor of deregulating everything you need to understand this shit like this happens if these people cut corners and we know people have cut Corners before maybe it's not all of them may be most of them are going to be great people going to die people get sick they're going to get E.coli they're gonna get all sorts of fucked-up thing

► 00:38:51

40% and replacing them with plant employees my God how did the number of federal inspectors by about 40 percent that is such a bad idea well looks like America and everywhere is going to get a whole bunch of hookworms this is like having the mafia police the streets this is a taking away there would be no limits on its Slaughter line speeds that is so gross nobody trying to make it quicker pork is a weird one Mark is a weird one is too risky man it's way too risky not even that I mean if they're fucking smart yeah the one of the weird things are they like smart like a dog they're like a five-year-old aren't that they're maybe not your kid like a five wow shots fired wow doctor a real doctor fired right into my reproductive heart your five-year-old be like what do you think he'd be like Stoner rude rude a good point be rude see you're probably right I'm sure you have a great five-year-old

► 00:39:51

my kid will be chill you know what he want to be beaten up your kid but he may be nice if you'd be surprised my parents are hippies I know it's true I do know that yeah my mom's a super happy so but Port get eating pig is weird because they are very intelligent creature there until but here's the other weird part about you gotta kill him because they breed like crazy in a while they go nuts are everywhere in the water tusks grow very fast they become those very barbaric those are tusks see that little tray right here yeah those pigs are they look like wow board that's from my from Adam Green Tree he killed that in Australia they have a problem with them in Australia to it's wild how how hollow it is but it's so so it's so strong even still yeah that's a big-ass hook we should go fishing with us and see what we can catch a couple well with that yeah we would we could definitely cut catch like a humpback or something with this puppy it's a weird thing their teeth are they're shaped like these weird swords that is crazy and they gross

► 00:40:51

fast if you release a pig that those things things pop out in a couple months yeah there's starts wild yeah they start changing when they're not taking care of its like it's like remember that movie with Howie Mandel Walk Like a Man do remember that where he was like a kind of vaguely he was like Raised by Wolves or something that's kind of like almost the equivalent of him coming back to society is releasing a pig and it becoming wild not that I'm calling Howie Mandel a pig but he's a nice keeps the opposite of a pig very nice gentleman but he's also like a super clean free he's not getting ringworm or hookworm there's the he's not getting any of the worms but he might because you like wash his hands a lot too much yeah you can do too much and you kill your skin para you fuck up your fauna and Flora get the imbalance going on here when you show us oh that's how we met wow he's like a dog man is at the ideas like raised by creatures in the wild and this lady cause you know women especially a white lady's trying to like you know save them she wants to save them and do

► 00:41:51

it for him and so he's just trying to acclimate to society great stoner movie by the way what year do you think this was the 89 787 Evan yeah I'm always moving and Al's been around for he's been around and he looks younger now than he did then dudes you fucking dudes maybe it's washing your hair maybe it's a good move which washing it shaving it off wash your hands yeah it probably is a good move and so he's crazy maybe play some young how we're very clean in the society we you know we can't handle like natural bacteria that exist in nature it fucks us up we're going to we're going to end up just murdering ourselves because of how clean we are I think much more likely we're going to develop resistant strains of bacteria that are murderous we already have those in everything there's new one that they did just did you see that thing flu virus that's like that article there's an article that just came out about some mysterious infection that's been Merkin people

► 00:42:48

that's because we're to clean we keep we should have we should bring back the Roman toilets just to level it all out a bit have a couple of them sprinkled around I don't think that's a good just a couple of them you know like maybe want to parties what's the difference between those in a porta potty if you like work on a construction site I can't hold a hand in a porta potty you ever go to like a music festival fuck no and use one of them in the shit that blue liquid or not I'm not doing that sallow point I'm not doing that so I can get that worm that Theo's cousins have I'm not doing that shit don't do it Barefoot how do you show me Jamie what festival are people at the art Barefoot Morris the deadly fungal infection resistant to treatment that's what it's called that sounds bad yeah all right sounds like a new solar system Unstoppable fungus killing the world's banana Supply man addicted to sniffing the Stars separately old man addicted to sniffing develop severe

► 00:43:48

learning it infection oh my gosh this is not real this can't be real this is like Stoner news the here's another will link socks aren't sexual says kiwis schoolgirl they fall down and click bait clickhole real quick who's writing these like Gary Busey who's writing these headlines this how about what Tim pool told me ready for this you know those click bait sites where you go to and it's like you won't believe what she looks like now and then you click on that and then you go to another one just like never-ending click click click click click they get they gather up all these clicks like if they have a site that's responsible for like 400 thousand unique clicks a day if they have something like that right they sell it to another company those clicks another company attaches those clicks to their site and says we get a hundred thousand is a day they don't so they're not real they're just bought their clicks you can buy clicks dude what

► 00:44:47

world are we in right now by and clicks I don't have time I don't have time please find out that's true I think it is it sounds about right nobody's saying pool doesn't lie he's a know a lot of people right now like who's gonna leave it here so everybody loves people buying likes people have done that or like followers it's the same it's the same the other will they definitely do that internet there's a way to do that people get busted because like they don't have any interactions like so they'll put up something and like a put up a video and the video gets like a thousand views but they have like a million followers yeah it doesn't make sense there's no that that doesn't make any sense when the engagement doesn't match up with I watched people all kinds of dumb shit the amount of time that I've wasted watching People's internet videos so it's those little Instagram videos they make ya talking about their morning

► 00:45:39

the thing you posted today about the the Florida headline oh man that was something that was like the Florida headline for sure that's like what you said in the caption that was legit yeah I was writing this bit about exotic pets and when I'm in the middle of this bit I just decided to start researching Florida what inspired you to write something happen I'll tell you I don't want to do the bit right there is enough to says Florida man tries to start Naked Bike Club at Chick-fil-A a Florida man was arrested after he challenge others to fight and to stare at his genitals outside of Chick-fil-A restaurant what did Dan Bilzerian say people have sort of just can't act right trust me I'm fine that's a good job at himself points points to bilzerian's or at least come and correct with that is funny that is a ridiculous head also where can I sign up it sounds fun it's like Game of Thrones for meth heads naked Fight Club yeah why not you want to go to watch from like a neighboring parking lot with binoculars

► 00:46:39

hell yeah that's you want to do you want to be a gate that you want to be far enough away so if they start running at you balls out dick swinging keep your engine running mombi's do yeah keep your car in park engine running and then use those by knows absolutely you know I shut my Nami come on dear ujamaa professional Jamie with your oven mitt t-shirt sir got to be video of that right if someone was out at a Chick-fil-A has got it there's not video that's a very different depressing fact there has to be some video video of almost any kind of interaction yeah this dude it's people create interactions so that they can videotape them parents man they got to stop putting her kids on video we got to stop it's enough you say that but there's a little kid that's like six years old at reviews toys and he makes 20 million dollars a year in are 20 million dollars a year think Disney toys just looking at toys hundred bucks I'll open up a box of you know toys I'll do it a hundred beans that's it nobody wants to see you open up here

► 00:47:39

not a baby I'm gonna find something else they want to see little cute kids I'll dress up in a ton a diaper what has this I'm going to help fuck I gotta find another gotta find another thing to make money find another angle yeah that can't he's making a lot of money gonna be the YouTube toy guy there's a lady who does it with just her hands a grown woman what does she do with her hands she opens things up same thing for hands I don't know if they're beautiful I don't know four feet out and start using the refuse what I gotta do yeah I'm gonna open children's toys of my feet is that weird no you should do it you should do it and see which one gets better views do it with you with painted toenails and doing you with kind of like neglected toenail

► 00:48:20

neglected toenail you know say like what little chips and your paint you know this is the thing about sadder than a neglected toenail say that but it's also kind of hot because it's kind of checked it'll take some chances like yeah she's like that she doesn't even have her toenails in order so abandoned wherever she lives she'll move with you across the country she's crawfish or cannot switch to enter into a bank-robbing skiing with you are taking care of herself she's got a chip toenails nobody Gil first that's a bitch who puts people first Colonel check just can't get it together some people just never quite get it together right yeah and then you see their toes and it's a reflection of their own downfalls their Their Own Worst Enemy or they have a job yeah that you're busy too busy mom with a job in a couple of kids who's got time to do nails then unless you know you're a rich wife so you can do it yourself that's the nail thing is interesting why is that because here's why because it's like a service that

► 00:49:20

the people love right and love going and getting pedicures and manicures the people that are into that shit they love it they love Duncan their feet in the thing and then they get to talk to each other but they would never want to do that yes one of those weird things it's like

► 00:49:38

if you found out your mom was given strange dudes pedicures like that's our new gig he'd be like Oh I'm like Mom we got go to a therapist what's going on well we'd say why do you why do you have this job do you want to clean people's feet what about it brings you Joy because if you need money like you might as well just sliced mangoes in the side of the highway or something different this isn't that weird that that's one where people love getting it done but to do it would be like wha well I get my nails done regularly I love it it's very relaxing but yeah it's that weird thing where you know saying this it's like it's one of those jobs that's worked by you know non-white people for the most part which I think is interesting don't you think that's interesting as a woman who's got our nails done entry level jobs for people that are first-generation immigrant that like what would happen realistically if all immigrants removed from this country all the ones Nails would look like shit and your clothes that are man they got rid of all the illegals every everybody who

► 00:50:38

barely speaks English out restaurants would fall arrestor we know delicious food there'd be no fun music there would be some fun music so I mean some but like let's be honest but traffic is a lot of fun most fun music there's a lot of fun like you know wasn't their idea Latino music that's true yeah fun Latinos that's true not many like songs and like our culture can you do one of these and it fits you know especially like a wedding but yeah everyone would be jacked up no food food no no Nails you like Gipsy Kings I don't know if I know Jim I how it sounds very familiar put it on fuck are you can hear some can't wait to straight to expensive no no it's not we'll just yank from YouTube oh that's right you can't put any music on what anybody's look I think I just somebody sent me a song of Gipsy Kings recently they've been around forever yes that's really ER badass latino band and what I love it is because I can't speak Spanish so when they're singing it's just beautiful yeah like whatever they're saying it just sounds great it doesn't have

► 00:51:38

like I know there's a motion I can feel the guys emotion when he's singing but I have no idea what he's saying so I don't I don't need to hear it I just love the sound of it is very nice the language is like very melodic oh yeah like Spanish Italian he's a Latin based languages are very pretty to listen to this little goes a musical flow yeah you ever hear people from Brazil speak Portuguese I mean I feel like a bean to it all the time that's just have met that shit sexy did they have a way of talking there's an up-and-down so go dance yeah it is a little dance and then people were I'm from like Syracuse it's like hey you guys want to go get a sandwich it's like I just don't want us to talk you don't know what it is it's actually the trying to keep people from breeding that it's like the in the places that suck the most you have the shittiest accents because they're trying to make everyone disgusting well I guess I'm not supposed to have a baby then tell you they're just trying to limit the number they don't want over populations in places that suck there's probably some

► 00:52:38

like legitimacy to what you're saying dude I'm a scientist you're a doctor and you're a scientist anybody who needs some advice just call us at one eight hundred good look there's a new documentary by the guy wrote Copa Cocaine Cowboys did Cocaine Cowboys and bunch of other documentaries a billy korb yep Billy Court I'm Corbin you got it I don't why did I choked on his Lane some water anyway Billy has a new dock in the radar called screen screwball yeah it's all about Alex Rodriguez and the steroid Scandal and one of the guys in is a fake Doctor Who would wear stethoscope around his neck like he got his he's got his degree thunk janky overseas University and wasn't legal to practice medicine the United States but who called himself a doctor and he had like the stethoscope to dude we're in public it was in his office you'd walk around with a stethoscope around his neck like hanging around his neck I just gave you to check your heart meanwhile always doing

► 00:53:38

I would steroids is amazing he's got his kid that was walking around he posed as a doctor and had multiple patients oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah I remember this isn't Florida same play I guess in for two must be pretty of course it's in Florida is this name does his name say Malachi yeah that's a creepy name that's like Children of the Corn right that's like how do you pronounce that demonic Malachi Malachi yeah that's that is ballsy do wait a minute that's not his real name mayor Malachi love-robinson that sounds like a character from like some sort of porn oh there he is dr. Malak iae's love-robinson PhD hhp - CA MP - TV - all those things HIV what are all those other things that he is Health Care proxy maybe some bullshit a MP I don't know what the hell that sounds like a gas station in Kansas let's read his his Thang Le sauces is a well dr. Malachi

► 00:54:38

love-robinson is a well-rounded professional that treats and cares for patients using a system of practice at basis treatment on physiological functions and abnormal conditions on natural laws governing the human body that doesn't even that's a run on nonsense sentence to AZ list it hold on a second dr. love-robinson utilizes physiological psychological and mechanical methods such as air water light heat earth phototherapy food and Herb therapy Psychotherapy electrotherapy physiotherapy meccano therapy naturopath Corrections and manipulation and natural methods or modalities together with natural medicines natural processed foods and herbs and Nature's remedies what what you just said the only thing I was true about that was manipulation well how is this guy like who who read that and went all right we're in yeah who read that was like I need to make an appointment immediately

► 00:55:38

on the real Doctor all these other bullshit doctors that don't use manipulation

► 00:55:45

the photo all of them now has it that became the new thing I would not go to that doctor huh yet offices so someone had to like rent him the spot so they believed him to not just the kid multiple offices at least had an off a office like an off you gotta think a guy who's that good of a bullshitter that pretends to be a doctor actually gets patients got a stethoscope got a website is it that good but it's good enough that he's got patients likes it actually worked like imagine being so crazy that you tell everybody you're a doctor you don't know shit about medical medical practices you know you read his little bio there and you get offices then you get patients you treating patients it's the same as like religion it's a similar is a similar approach you just find people who are going need in who need something in there gullible and vulnerable in the follow you anywhere or religion is either that or it's a part of your culture yeah right you're born into it absolutely it's a cultural thing for sure it's when you hear about your

► 00:56:45

45 year old dude becoming a Mormon or you're like what happened what are you doing you're lost maybe just have a great group of people that are also Mormons he's like fuck it I'll join I guess it would happen you know maybe even like with scientologists what happens if people like especially in Hollywood they just get so desensitized or like they get everything they want and they're looking for more I need purpose if I was jaded I would say that they think they're going to enhance their career you think so I used to think that because there's a lot of like there was at least a lot of people in the film industry that were Scientology right have you ever gone to a meeting no but I did go to one of those um they had like a conference tables a folding table set up in San Diego and they had like the the to Coffee cans with the strings on them that you hold on to God and you know like they ask you questions about your childhood and weird stuff and then you say it into the coffee can now you hold these things it's called it's called what's it called Annie meter I snoring so loud it's called Annie meter

► 00:57:45

hold on to it and did it gives you some sort of a reading on this fucking graph that's totally non-scientific tour shit right but you know the guy who is it was really interesting because the guy who was doing it must be just like some regular dude who's in the church that they make do it it's not like he wants to do it nobody wants to do that tell he was like a volunteer because you like that yeah I'm really maybe maybe have a problem with your dad or something is really selling it at all so basically how I am as a doctor right this is what you have he was selling the Scientology yeah as a Scientology Pusher see what it's like just out of curiosity just to be in there you know in that moment and see what the hype is about well there's a lot of money right you have to think that they their massive real estate holders they've earned millions of millions dollars and they have tax-free exempt status because it's a religion yeah tax-exempt did I believe taxes it's crazy they sued in

► 00:58:45

it yeah they sued the IRS see this is the problem we're on one side of the coin like people are good manipulators on the other side people are idiotic yeah to believe in deal with half of the shit that they believe in deal with it so I think they're what they're they're a bunch of different things at once you know there's the wacky beliefs that l.ron Hubbard all that stuff that he created but then there's also the clan it's like a mentality like yeah crying tribal mentality yeah absolutely it's funny the Ku Klux Klan that kind of stole the word clan right like the word cloud you say you get self-conscious you know it's the correct word for like a tribe of people right and it's not it's not reserved for just oh group of white supremacist I mean it definitely I know but indicate the whole bunch of groups of people like I used to play Quake competitively if you tell people how quick teams are that their Clans the quick slant people like what and then they were like you mean like the KKK you're like no just a group of people like wake you fucking

► 00:59:45

it with a common mentality that's it a group of a band of people a band yeah Brothers but that that happens people just take over something and then that's something becomes negative from then on well then they have a platform as well you know they can then they're like social social justice Warriors about it you know they're like cheering it from the rooftops and making tweets about it and how how it's a fucked up situation are they really yeah Kim is doing that well you know like when you fuse if you were to say any word people like oh my God I could this person said this it's racist like I was just saying Clan I wasn't saying anything else but it's like the Hitler mustache you just gotta let it go

► 01:00:22

it's too tricky it is anybody wants to wear the Hitler mustache now like you can't what really you can't who wants to wear it is there is somebody wearing it were for a while that's right he did crying oh my God he did playing basketball that's kind of fun if he was playing basketball think he was he wasn't he was retired like a hands commercial or something I think oh yeah I had my goddamn Hitler you can't Brazen you can't even like when does it become a Charlie Chaplin it starts as a Hitler like when it gets to the outer edge of the nostrils is it a Charlie Chaplin with Charlie Chaplin had a Hitler he might he molded it after modeled it after Hitler did he yeah it was a huge fan of chaplain absolutely there's there's some crossover their chaplain was of huge fan of Hitler Hitler was a fan of Chaplin right in Chaplin just kind of you know because Chapel was a little bit of a rebel man so why did chaplain whereas most I think it's like a little tongue-in-cheek how Michael Jordan my mustache boosted

► 01:01:22

sales at Haines let me see that photo wow it larger dude that is so crazy that is so crazy that is why 11 he had to give it up even Michael motherfucking Jordan what is that second paragraph say Jordan camouflages the mustaches to a small extent with a corresponding soul patch under his bottom lip but the lip beard appears to be exactly that a beard trying to disguise the Teutonic neighbor upstairs a great sentence that's a great that's a great fit into tonic neighbor Teutonic neighbor that's really good Teutonic means do you know what your tonic means I've never used that word capitalized I would have hit it hit it maybe like probably because it's not a real word motherfucker thinks it's a game wore something like some child suit says related to tones denoting Germanic branch of the Indo-European language family definition you're like what's happening so go back to that go back to that

► 01:02:22

even again

► 01:02:24

back to the statement the with it that we're just reading from yeah okay which is a beer trying to disguise his Teutonic neighbor upstairs how's that so maybe those people wore those stashes maybe Hitler got it from the no it's because it's Germanic right yeah but like who's looking at your map maybe it was a Germanic mustache yeah maybe it was all a mode of the times yeah I mean maybe a bunch of people at Hitler's kind of like how there's full beards now this is like is a full beard the Hitler of our society just like a common beard think so can you imagine if somebody wrote will roll around with it or stash today that'd be really wild you can't you can't that's too much right you but here's what's weird I've talked about this on stage to why is it okay to dress like Genghis Khan who's dressing like Genghis Khan if she want to do it for Halloween why is it okay yeah what do you mean like it shouldn't be awake yeah being a Nazi you can't be Hitler yeah that's I mean that's just won't let you that's what's also kind of lacking creativity like you want to be a Hitler

► 01:03:24

dressing up like a sexy baby are we really doing this is this necessary no one needs to see sexy babies no one needs to see a Hitler well slow your roll because some girls should definitely dress like a sexy baby so girls can dress like sexy babies but I can't dress like a baby and open up packages on YouTube you could just like a baby and open up packages on YouTube no one's stopping you look funny do invisible foes because you just said that it would be cute and now before it wasn't when I wanted to do it

► 01:03:55

I wasn't I wasn't joking around cut to this afterwards and it's just 10 videos of me opening up packages of toys yeah those cereal yeah in your underwear in my underwear yeah fuck the pronoun with my terrible terrible chipped toenails yeah it's amazing how many people have created a career just reviewing stuff on on YouTube like those tech review guys they make a shitload of money even have to have like degrees in electronics or an engineering or anything they just have to have a love of tech like our friend for it will unbox therapy first of all Louis like think about how many views those videos get his videos he's one of the top ones but there's Marques Brownlee who's also been on here guys on there at yeah they're doing it what are people getting not Duncan yeah it's what do they get here what are they like as a viewer to watch somebody else open gifts that's like that's like the worst part of Christmas morning watching other people open gifts you're like where the

► 01:04:55

my toys people get really into it they do it is Art do you think it's bizarre flossie Carter's my favorite I've been there's a thing to know here is yeah yeah yeah Jack black guy who looks like a like a powerlifter yeah tattoos on his hands nice like full out right and and he uses like he and he uses technical terms mixed in with like slang and he has a cat he's got a cool little cat it's always like in the videos hanging out and he opened his unboxer yeah he's a super knowledgeable guy yeah when he when he reads like when he's talking about like the different details from what cameras doing don't but he does it in a funny way right like he's very funny yeah hin it's like also knowledgeable so if you're a dork like me and you're into like phone technology and I'm really into phone technology I'm always fascinated by Innovations and phone technology because it's like I'm watching someone build a bomb Mike Stanton back like where the fuck are they going next we're just going next

► 01:05:55

is ruining us now they want to make them faster and better and more and see all hands to yep yep he's off yeah so this is this Fosse Carter shout out to flossie as far as the feel lightweight super comfortable you can easily wear these all day and for the look this will take a look like when you wearing them neck tattoo yeah we but some people like them some people don't these really ate my cup of tea not without your big hands big manly hands he's a there's pictures of them on his Instagram he's jacked like he lifts weights huge what's his background I don't know that's do I look at that time million 750 3495 views or his top ten truly wireless earphones he's got a huge following but it's because of that because he knows what he's talking about but then on top of knowing when he talks about his kind of fun to listen to his voice is interesting his voice is amazing the whole room yeah voice is powerful powerful voice to do a TED talk to show me those fellas out there that are car

► 01:06:55

in their own Niche and gals reviewing things talking about things like there's so many different people doing shit like that now it's interesting I guess it makes sense because there's such a huge space for the techie nerds to indulge in that stuff and become fans of that sort of well also no one would have ever made that a television show and if it was a television show people might not have watched it yeah that's one of the are on YouTube where you can just clear that you're at your leisure that's the beautiful thing about the on-demand westec TV though which is Ron so this is sort of just replaced whatever job at xev was never this in depth they would go you know they would gloss over things they would have like a synopsis of still TV they still had yeah they started like commercials I guess they were they did everything like a toast so great it was great I love remote control I mean not remote control what does it call detective screensavers remote controls the MTV show I was just I thought that was a little harder yeah

► 01:07:55

soul patch then as well yeah he had like a downstairs Hitler Hitler in the basement is what they're allowed to have a Hitler in the basement yeah you kept Hitler in the basement just not in the Attic it's too close but isn't it weird though that I mean not saying that anybody wants to dress like a Nazi I don't I don't want to just have to say that I have to say that but that if you dress like a murderer from the past like Genghis Khan or something like that well you actually we get in trouble now for cultural appropriation you know where you wouldn't get in trouble is it the renaissance fair when they have like heroes and villains day goes on what you're doing with your eyes sure had some squinty I thing going on with take too far right now we're taking it too far as that but why is it weird that a physical characteristic like eyes like small eyes is like offensive to discuss is that fascinating it is fascinating but I recreate I think is it offensive or is it people enjoy the feeling of being offended I think there's a there's a sweet spot

► 01:08:55

it'll there I would beg to differ that some of the people in society who are offended by words term sentences aren't necessarily truly offended as much as they want to say they're offended I am a hundred percent on board with you so Lou so dr. Pugh so sorry I thank you dr. blue so I have HPV HD Phi a b d i can't I mean people get offended they love it they let's try offended and you know what they also love doing not doing shit about it but in their defense if you see like a movie where a dude is playing an Asian man but he's a white dude and they do some Malarkey with his eyes are like motherfucker what did he turn into a leprechaun something Irish Charlie Chan

► 01:09:55

special effects Malarkey and change them into a Chinaman I that God damn leprechaun that fucker you could be an Englishman no one has a problem with councilman Englishmen we call someone a Chinaman no no whoa whoa you getting weird there it's just weird it's exhausting when people are offended and then it's like girls being offended and writing articles about guys that are doing me to moments but they're not going to the vet the rallies they're not involved in the community they're not really like moving the needle there just screaming is it good to go to rallies I think it's good to be also actively and physically involved in whatever movement you believe in I think just saying it and posting it on Twitter is a facade but it's good for likes you can get a lot of likes boom I mean I guess there's some eyeballs on it you're creating a conversation but I don't know I just believe in like living walking the talk a little bit more what the fuck were we just talking about that is calm oh Chinese actors that get fucked out of roles

► 01:10:55

why people they don't do that anymore but they used to yeah one of the big ones was Charlie Chan Charlie Chan was like a famous detective show remember that show was it but was it casted as a white man it was a white dude playing a Chinese detective that was like Super Wise detective that's busted but he looks like like a white guy who eats good like Matlock more like the commish know like that's that's all right there my

► 01:11:26

holy hell yeah that was Charlie Chan I'm offended yeah you should be he looks more like he looks like a shitty magician who looks like Chewy from The Comedy Store you don't you guys don't remember chewy that is offensive at the same thing happened with let me see that picture look at that that shit is ridiculous I can't be happening there these he looks like he runs a casino in Upstate New York you ever hear him talk can we play some of the need to hear it from Charlie Chan it was very offensive oh my God tan tan tan let's listen Charlie I'm shocked right now it's at Jimmy what do you think what year what year do you think this was 1945 it says yes I say the 50s Scarlett Johansson had that whole issue member she was cast in that movie and was supposed to be an Asian roll yeah and how and people went crazy over it bail will build let's hear some of this here we goes I can't

► 01:12:23

they had already you have telephoned me why the minute I got your telegram I started watching all trains you contact mysterious mr. Rauch sure pick him up when he got off the train and Hajj that's one of my men over there he and I have trailed him for seven hours grounds of know you follow him he could help it I figured you were apart on around so we've kept close to it look at his face he doesn't even look remotely and she taped his eyes for sure they did some weirdness but not much because he looks like every housewife and Bev Hills - the facial hair the pulled back face okay yeah we're like take off 10 years but back then you know this guy could get away with that you know what's his face John lady in the Saran Wrap she's a ghost or some shit dude what's happening to her that is bizarre you know they had Saran Wrap back then I could just chill

► 01:13:23

bujji it and take it home after the party balloon put your food inside of it which is puts up with my fucking face what is that shit it's weird she's wearing like a glass Veil or it's a Shia LaBeouf is it Louis Gomez and Shia LaBeouf their time travelers this is I mean isn't it great to live in this time where our movies are so much better but we're gonna laugh in the future looking back at how stupid things aren't today you just can't see it coming number one you thought the look at that guy that's a cool chair what is that dude so another Chinese guy that dude it's not really a Chinese guy think he's got some terrible face makeup I think added to it I think it looks like a like Joey Diaz on acid look at that with a head wrap that's fancy Tate it does look like Tate a Regal tape like a boulder hate on acid yeah at an acid really angry and ruling a kingdom after a couple divorces he's like an 80 year old Tait yeah that's a mountain where well that's what they used to do but look up

► 01:14:23

John Wayne as Genghis Khan that's even dumber didn't even man didn't change anything including the way talk he talked like John Wayne we're gonna go out there and we're gonna fuck up these Russians he talked literally like John Wayne but he was dressed like a Ferb fucking hat on me cry laughs oh my God so dumb oh my God you have to see it ah shit how would they made that movie where they're like this is it this is it they didn't know everything sucked I'm everything did kind of suck I'm sure there's only a few like Gone With the Wind like whoa what do they do there is a few movies you know Rose Citizen Kane like whoa you're like wow this one doesn't suck yeah that's weird if I got lost in the film they get out there right yeah Genghis Khan I mean the likeness is a little amazing two weeks wow imagine look at that beard for playing like a fucking sheriff and some wide west wild west town to Genghis Khan Holly

► 01:15:23

was so white washed it really really was well they knew back then if they did a John Wayne movie they would sell a million tickets you know it's that's really what the what the thing is I mean an aspect of that still going on and I let this go on you know and I sort of I don't know if you feel the same way I get it to a certain point like when you go out in the comedy clubs and there's like a YouTube influence are booked on a weekend you're just like a fuck but then you're like well I kind of get it from a business standpoint if they're filling the rooms I did a gig in in Arizona once and they had a daytime gig booked from a YouTube influencer they pack this place out at 11:00 a.m. with like 12 year old kids as fans was his name Bert Kreischer yes it was it was a Bert Kreischer Day show

► 01:16:07

he did she just pull shirt off it was a crop top wear a halter Burt does those day shows he's a little do radio and then I'll do a show at like noon for people that don't have jobs yeah it's like work call in sick to work or someone to call it something like that like that yeah call in sick to work - yeah but he took his shirt off so funny that lady is looking slim yeah that is slim for Bert that's only like 19 months pregnant yeah and that's a protrusion and it's part eight-year-old in the valley Barbara eight-year-old inside of them has to take a shirt he takes his shirt off in the OR know every time yeah used to take his shirt off only in the main rooms like bowl or keep my shirt on

► 01:16:47

no no I decided no more of that does it come off all every show we should write one stage takes his shirt off what is the side when that happens I wonder like is there a moment just write out that's how you do it pre my crab or grabs the mic well his body is a source of Pride he enjoys what the fruits of his labor yeah and his appetite for Indulgence I don't know if it's a body as much as it is a building it's a body people know it's his body they know he's a party animal pink shirt off and they go all right it's burnt fuck yeah well he's fun it is a lot of fun it's AB article that was written about that like put talking about I was reading these this guy was like talking about how hilarious was it is it's a party it definitely is a party he is an animal and sometimes you know I mean there's the opposite where people are just kind of quiet on stage but I'm gonna laugh just by taking off my shirt I think I'd go for it why not start off with a but now the problem is I think

► 01:17:47

Barone's it which is weird you know like he's like you think he should have some like a little bit of a feeling about it no like he owns it like if you wanted to go up and take your shirt off people go what are you copying yeah huh it's a good point he's the only one doing it he's the only comic D robing every time but there's some weird ones like that Bobby Bobby Lee takes his pants off I mean I've seen that that weenie weenie a few times winking at me from the green rooms of the comics she should probably not tell people that first stop doing it people are surprised I get mad now get mad and throw things out yeah he can you can't not do it they're like take off the shirt does a jump on him on stage tackle him yeah yeah but I mean there's there's a couple dudes who go clothes Clovis yeah their pants and their shirts but the but it's weird that that's births thing yeah it is weird you're right though if anybody else were to do it they would know that that was a Bert situation there's another one like that but we were just talking about the other night at the comic store like how

► 01:18:47

is it is it someone like took over like a thing yeah a stand-up comedian I think so it doesn't remember remember when I know what it is well there's like a cup There's a comic in New Yorker to snaps like a snap every time they sit you know what fraser-smith out I love watching fraser-smith when he's like come on people these are jokes and he likes yeah it's like a it's like a timekeeper I like that right yeah in Rhythm yeah keeps you in Rhythm its musical up there sometimes if it's going well but it goes well it's weird how people can become like a thing like this is the guy who talks about food I know I was thinking about that like how what what what comes first in that scenario does it naturally evolve or does it happen once in the person builds around it because it's a crutch hmm there's there's a fine line between the art in the marketing exactly yeah and in who you know do your thing like it's a short life why not find that little niche that works for you and

► 01:19:47

fucking make that money and have fun and bring some joy to people who gives a fuck I have a problem when people talk shit about people going after what they're doing and finding a little trick to it who cares what everybody's doing do we get angry if they get tricked God - yeah that's true that's true fucking trick ya believe this shit dude I remember there was this lady who reviewed video games she was like talking about video games and they found a video of her from years earlier saying that shows the in play video games they like ah I don't even play video games you're right they were using is like evidence I was like this is this is this is during that whole gamergate thing might this is evidence that the world has gone mad people are arguing over whether or not someone is a real video game player you're not even a real player you fake play people have too much time on their hands man too much time and they get stuck in that they stuck in that like web Universe well not just that like yeah people change like I was

► 01:20:47

playing video games just three months ago now Jamie and Jeff and I were playing every fucking day we play this Quake game oh that's a video game Jamie fucked me up yesterday he beat his ass beat me the last one how did that feel it doesn't feel good are you good fun yeah we have fun we have fun we talk a lot of shit just going to say you probably talked a lot of shit I lost no did you cry I did what he did fuck me up on this one map that I was very angry at this map because keep falling off so whack you fall off you suicide he did a much better job than me he owned me on the other side I just agree that one mapped we play on because when you do go out you do suicide but it's not that common that other one is just like every time I can and if you're jumping and you don't look behind you you like fuck ah you watch yourself fall yeah explode when you hit the rock how many times how many times I fall

► 01:21:47

some some of the range of 30 not joking you really are doing it no and here's befallen fuck God damn it fuck that and fuck this map this map son of a bitch suck God fucking suck what the fuck and then Jeff's getting good to come problem Jeff fuck me up history to I think it's good to have like I wish I was good at video games I'm not I'm not that good at what do you wish why would you want that skill because I think it's good like the hand-eye coordination and just like I don't know being able to relax play a game of fucking Chinook you want be them drone pilots in Vegas I do so what do you think about UFOs a hundred percent real harm some really ever see one um I did actually see one really I did a New York City this was years ago I was walking downtown I used to bartend at this place called Puffy's Tavern and in Tribeca walking downtown beautiful sunny day and as I'm crossing the street I'm just looking at everybody everyone's looking up like what are these people

► 01:22:47

I look up and there's this like I don't know like a weird oval Chrome thing in the sky pretty far up but you could see what it was and I was I remember talking to dude I'm like what is that and he was videotaping was like I don't know I we've all been standing here hasn't really moved just was kind of suspended in the air not a lot of sound at all and I had to get to work I'm like all right well I gotta go make Cowboy cocksuckers for investment bankers so let me know what happens and I went to the bar and it was on the news at the bar and it was just this weird it looked like like that bullet little Bullet Vibrator thing or like a little suppository in the sky it was like a like a like a balloon yeah like almost like a balloon but a little bit more elongated very quiet it was bizarre a blimp nah not like a bit set up right it was almost like an this was oval shaped like a can yeah soda cans that glowing in the sky right but old side up yep it's bizarre but that was like the only real time I was like

► 01:23:47

what is that I've never remember being a little kid thinking that I might have saw something but I might have just convinced myself to sales board and also as your memory recalls you recreate what was a hundred percent but what do you remember I don't remember anything really okay but but I was going to say is I'd watch this Bob Lazar and Area 51 documentary oh boy holy shit it's really interesting it's a lot more interesting than I thought I always like to like dismiss a lot of the UFO stuff because the most likes is nonsense this is so silly but my friend Dave Foley who I treasure and I value his opinion very highly he told me that he started getting obsessed with UFOs he said thanks to you I'm obsessed with you above I'm like thanks to me I don't know what even obsessed them anymore a lot of sessions I'm sure no but he and I when we used to work together on Newsradio I was deep in my obsession with UFOs I was convinced what kicked it off just hearing people's stories if you only had one experience as a kid I don't even think

► 01:24:47

really did have an experience I think I probably saw a jet fly overhead and like I think that might be your father and I talked myself into it I don't think weird that you had an obsession not based off of your own experiences that's our yeah I've always been super super obsessed with space ya think I had a really good teacher in seventh grade science and I remember he said if you really want to make your brain hurt just look up and try to imagine something that has no end try to my mind reverse has no end just you can't you want to hurt your head just look up at the sky and understand there's no end to this doesn't make any sense doesn't make any sense because everything else in life and existence has a finality to it every single thing yeah we think but this guy when he planted that shit in my head I remember thinking wow I never even thought of that before like I just looked at the stars and be like oh there's a Stars they look cool oh there's the moon I want to go to another dumb kid

► 01:25:47

perspective of like the vastness of yeah but when I was 13 this guy said that 13 maybe 14 no 12 I guess 12 somewhere in that range seventh or eighth grade you just started out right yeah I remember him saying that to me and then being obsessed with space after that she sassed like one thing that that is the teacher said and I was immediately like what like there was one of the first cool things I've ever heard it's cool you know we're someone cool he was a cool teacher he was a Vietnam vet there was a couple of these guys that were Vietnam vets that were super scary there were scary it's good to have a teacher like that though so many like that whole thing like our education system really fails the student sometimes but have teachers who invoke curiosity out of children who actually care and have a you know interesting curriculum that they bring to the table I only had a couple teachers like that that I can really remember but yeah I think three the three teachers that are really remember the like wow that lady was so nice out of your entire schooling yeah same I had a really

► 01:26:47

cool Miss let one is my first grade teacher and she'd have us line up outside of her door and she always had a pop collar so we smelled good show is that a pop collar and when you'd walk in her classroom if you had a caller she'd pop it to everybody said class on the pop color ha ha that's hilarious brought this like come to the comedy right like it just we felt like we were our own little clan in there like the Miss lot when Clan that's what it was like when did you know that you wanted to be a comedian early early on like eight years old I was young I was entertaining my sister no shit but I didn't know that I could make a career out of it because where I grew up there wasn't those like Outlets there you know we didn't have like theater or any sort of cultural exposure that I could you know adhere to I'm just like okay cool I'm gonna be no gay people that's it guys thank you okay people we did they were hiding because I didn't want to be murdered hahaha LOL JK yeah

► 01:27:47

do when you first went on stage 19 oh yeah I was 19 years old I thought you had to wait until 21 I didn't realize afterwards that you can get into a bar as a performer I know make sure you don't drink yeah there was this cool place called The can tab Lounge which is a Boston right but you know you know about all about it Cambridge area had this bar called the can tab lounge and downstairs there was this little performance space called the third rail and I see do improv for like six months and then one of the dudes like you should try stand-up you might you might like it and this is in Cambridge we're doing yeah that's right started stand-up and Boston's this was a CI was 1936 now what you're doing them I can't do that math I thought you would you're the scientist I'm the doctor I don't have time to do math I have to write too busy with my calculations about the size of the universe stethoscope I can't do the math if he doesn't want to so what it means and I was 1919 I don't know what year it was twenty nine thousand 2000 I was in me 22 years ago

► 01:28:47

2006 holy 23 years ago what 80 years ago fuck you were bad at math just like me well it was whatever that I'm not even counting this making numbers are it was so you're 36 now yeah it was nice cars stand up when you're 90 almost 20 years ago almost 20 yeah yeah yeah and my dad was there actually of on tape you have it on today I do the first time I ever did stand out I did it I had a fucked me up for months my god dude it fucks me up for a month why did I think I could do this in like it was just everything you can imagine it was it was it was all the things I don't think it was just all the little clumsy clumsy and fast and not rooted in like a narrative about my life it just was sort of a reflection of what I saw essentially you go up there and you imitate something until you have your own voice for the most part yep Pusher but I have it on tape and I'll never forget you know even videotaped afterwards my dad came

► 01:29:47

out from Syracuse to watch it my dad he said he's since passed in October when he came out he was there for my first stand-up show and he's like babe you're going to be fine dude my dad's not in the industry he doesn't know shit it's dude was like you know he sold real estate and bartend like he wasn't like in the entertainment and she was like babe you're going to be fine you're great because you got high energy he's like a gonna be fine because you're up there and you got high energy that's in the people like all right like okay Dad so I just kind of always thought about that like aspect of it like just my my physicality and not feeling embarrassed by it you know what Jeff said your dad hey what about Steven right yeah you know he definitely liked comedians like that my one of my dad's favorite Comics was Stanhope he loves Stanhope I'll never forget I did a show with Stanhope and Syracuse actually and my dad was sitting next to me while we're watching Stanhope and he leaned over he was like man the mind on this guy it's like one of the brightest brightest people I've ever heard

► 01:30:47

in my life - get out more he well he's in a grave now he's only getting out was a ghost he's probably a drunk ghost at some girl's house right now because he can't find mine dad was getting ready to film another special yeah very excited to watch yeah it's going to be great stand-up was he's like the I don't he's like The Equalizer when it comes to what's going on in society it just has a way of being like boom this is what's going on with gun control and with people being offended by terminology and words here's why it's ridiculous yeah he's good like that well he works you know he's a guy that he and he works on his own schedule he decides when to write when to perform when the tour went to do and he was always like I might just fucking retire and then right back at it you special coming out next year yeah he's always he's always working he is always working he has his own glad he's out there yeah he's amazing I love watching him glad he's out there because he's just like he's basically an older version of the guy he was like 20 plus years ago it's not lie

► 01:31:47

it's not changed at all other than like become more wacky yeah let's fucking goofy suits the body suits and let's fucking suits every time I see what the fuck but here's the thing like that's one of the things like he owns the suits just gonna say to know what can wear the suit you wear a goofy suit like a really shitty suit like Stanhope was like a Dusty peach colored suit with ruffles he wears like are loafers like an old man from Caddyshack days yeah he looks like he used to sell cars 20 years ago and kept the outfit yeah and I love it Frasier Smith's long-lost cousin he looks like a ghost Toledo

► 01:32:25

cousin from Toledo Sells Cars he looks like a ghost from the Titanic he rents out clowns look at him yeah that shoes he's a rock star with those shoes I put near right that's his that's his thing yeah that's his look no one can hear his suits and he's been rocking this look for quite a while now like he used to dress like a normal person well a semi I mean there was a liver was always a level of eccentric yeah but he could replace his entire wardrobe for $40 sorry yeah I mean you could get that jacket for two dollars and it's amazing that he finds them all that seemed to be tailored but he gets her face a fraud he takes these good thing he takes these shitty Fabrics to like a real high-end Taylor and he has some like slim fit it and it gets them for 10z finds them he definitely find someone we definitely get some nice tailored look at that shirt bum jacket that sure it's not bomb though it's all nice and clean it's nice and clean but I'm saying looks like a bum that struck it rich real quick

► 01:33:25

okay got money fast didn't know what to do so we just bought the same suits but cleaner Nova bomb struck it rich they'd be wearing like the finest things really on the Windows those department stores and they're on the outside if you just go on living in a in a garbage bag to Prada yeah that's perfect yeah yeah once you got on your feet and cleaned up and stuff I don't know if I put days to get used to the fact you're rich now I don't know if I'd be able to I obviously I don't have a knack for fashion I'm in like a gangster hillbilly overall outfit but works I don't know if I'd be able to like just know what to wear after being homeless for so long first you gotta Kick the heroin and the piss-stained shirt yeah you gotta Kick all that yeah you gotta clean your body up you got a hundred million dollars in the bank now Claud what I'm saying there's a little bit of a process yeah you know you're not going from like shitstain shorts to Gucci pants well most people don't even make it you know like when when people win money and a lottery but they almost always spend it all or go crazy

► 01:34:25

I think people get adjusted to that idea that all of a sudden boom so we just drops off a giant chunk of change if you got inheritance money from Grandpa yeah yeah million dollars like you're gonna burn through that shit most people I don't even think it's reserved for homeless people I mean like rappers athletes comedians yeah it's like the that's what goes back to our education system we're not taught financial responsibility in high school we should be listen it doesn't matter if you teach comedians financial responsibility most of us are not going to follow it I was like whole Civ I wanted to just at least have something saved for the future because I knew that about myself that I did not know enough so I started to save some and do a little bit of Googling for every Kevin Hart who has like real knowledge about finances right is like four Dudes like me have no idea what's going on I've got like a custom gym in 16 cars on the way of thinking I don't have any time for thinking but do you like that like what you know as a woman

► 01:35:25

you know our indulgences are like you know going to the spa or maybe shopping like what's your thing like on a day off what do you do that brings you Joy that is it is a commercial like a material can material thing obviously like your car's enjoy cars but I enjoy I'm a big fan of engineering like I'm a mile of mechanical things like like I think my favorite car have this car that doesn't have any power steering doesn't have air conditioning and it's got an air-cooled engine so one of my favorite cars what is it what's the 1993 Porsche RS America it's a really light car it's not really even that fast it's not fast like a modern car looks definitely not fast compared to my Tesla Tesla is the craziest fucking car I've ever driven by far every other car seems stupid what model is it dumb it's the model S I was just 100 yeah whoa fucking Preposterous how fast our cars and just a technology on it and does it also have Auto oh yeah

► 01:36:25

drives does everything how does that work like if you're driving down the highway if you set up Auto does it legitimately go to your destination you have to hit this little thing to switch lanes to see that you want to switch lanes middle switch lanes for you it will drive with the speed of traffic so it'll slow down when traffic slows down speed up and traffic speeds up it turns it makes perfect turns wow it's crazy so could you just be yourself now and let it go really shouldn't but I'm just as a government you probably could wow you hold your hand on the steering wheel like you're supposed to have light pressure on the steering wheel apparently some crazy fucks have that's what it looks like on the screen wow they just updated it like last week yeah the updated to recognize stoplights that is so I mean the future is now that is so wild bananas but someone told me I don't know if this is true it's irresponsible for me to even say it but I'm going to say it do it this is your podcast your long-term gonna go crazy someone said that you

► 01:37:25

bypass the touch sensors on the steering wheel that knows if you're holding on the steering wheel with a tennis ball you shove a tennis ball in there and if you do that you just go to sleep and the fuck well you know what modern Darwinism will take care of the rest I hope not I like Elon well people that dying is calling people to die either but people do dumb things all the time but there's a difference between those kind of cars and the cars that I really liked I liked me these mechanical cars they feel you feel the gears like see this guy's got a tennis ball was going to Orange oh shit in there he's got a little Citrus Citrus works for driving as well as getting rid of bacteria yeah he debunked Tesla's autopilot orange hack oh he debunked it owes to see if it worked or not I see it seems like it's working it does look like it's working but your it makes you hold onto it like every now and then it doesn't make you hold on to it all the time as it should fail dunking failed it actually does work that way I mean how much are

► 01:38:25

on in your life that you can't I enjoy driving I enjoy the mechanism of it I enjoy where my mind goes I like blast at my music I may or may not hit a joint may or may not allegedly probably not but you know I enjoy driving well I do too but I think if there was a button that you can press and say you drive in the car just drives you hit that button all the fucking time most the time when you're in traffic you just don't want to deal you just hit that button especially in La I'm going to the airport I get up in the morning and I just hate that but yeah hit that light hit that button let's go bitch press that button no I barely pay attention tap that shit all the way to the airport yeah see that's there's certain situations where it would be useful definitely but when you're driving like say if you're driving in a canyon you know like you're up these Hills and driving around these like beautiful Scenic places you want to be driving like a little sports car with a manual transmission bra

► 01:39:25

I feel it grabbing the wheel and hugging the corners like I mean as a person feel like he can add that to the Tesla know why not why not feel the gears you won't feel the grinding you won't feel the shifting of the oh the gear yourself doesn't have any gears like you're so many oral experiences you have to be lying to me about first of all here's one the revving of the engine like when you get up to Red Line when you're shifting gears like back there's a sound that especially like a really well engineered German car has when they hit those High revs it's a just a it's a symphony of coordinated mechanics it's all why you're shifting and youth really good hit the fucking you blip on the downshift like on the downshift you do what's called he'll Towing well you got one foot on the brake and you go like this wrong so that as you're going from third to Second you give it a

► 01:40:25

extra juice so that your engine RPM catches up with where the gears going to be when you get into second gear is going to rev higher so what are and you're all dislike a coordinated effort all these things are happening it's not just like sitting there with an orange on your steering right now around is there something else going on I just came in my pants from that whole description of

► 01:40:47

I'm saying you made fart sounds know you can make but here's the thing it doesn't matter if you make this sound I feel I want to feel the shift take it you push the no slimy shit Jimmy you're pushing your foot into the clutch you're putting the thing into gear it's a mechanical action you can't fake that know you can't fake that even Elan I bet you Lankan face not going to if he did it would be less good than what he has what he's got is better than any other car right because it's a basic level of driving it's not you know you're not interactive with shifting and everything which is probably the fun of having a car where you can actually drive it manually well there's a feeling all of that things first of all with his car they don't have any gears it's just one gear when it doesn't shift it doesn't change yeah it doesn't hit a red line and then you have to move to third gear right or it does it itself it just has one gear and then on top of that it has this giant navigation screen I mean it's crazy huge fucking thing you've ever seen in your life it's like

► 01:41:47

inches tall right and then on top of that it's got like all these safety features it's looking at things and warning you about this and shows you all the cars are around you as you're driving like having my mom in the front seat sounds like just to get something over there something here watch out for that Huns like all right shut up what if your mom was psychic and you just sending it to your brain that's what it's like saying anything showing it right it shows it doesn't like say everything but doesn't it have like a fart machine in there I read that there's like a fart machine in the in the Tesla's well you should read more about what it was was it whoopee cushion it's a fart sound that it can make if you want it too right so when people think in part machine due to fart machine would make actual farts well it makes a fart noise though right yes right so I mean essentially it's a fart machine just not like a well there's no sound effect mechanics to a machine there's no machine but there's like the yes that's great that's and there's enough for me to get different kinds of farts

► 01:42:47

yeah you can have like wet farts short little tiny farts hookworm farts what do you think hookworm farts smell like like rotten fish carcass some dead worms inside your body but like a like a river soaked carcass have you ever seen an animal I know you have a lot of dogs you ever seen an animal shit out worms know and I definitely don't want to but now the images just Vivid in my mind have many times like how many worms we kidding I like worms coming out of there but like you look in there but you see like little worms yeah you never seen that it's super common dog crazy they have and they have had so many dogs in my life that's what is that mean that they're like not normal dogs I haven't had them crap out worms well they probably didn't get dewormed you know they didn't get their pills right right right right rescue dogs yeah for you know the deworming stuff takes place when I was a kid our dog had it and I remember watching like little worms come out of her but I was like

► 01:43:47

crazy little white worms wiggling around in there but I was like what in the fuck is this it's Nature's weird man there's something are feeding on everything yeah oh yeah there's an organism feeding on an organism that's all this is just organisms feeding on each other yeah one big fuckfest with organisms or we're leech fast yeah it is a leech Fest yeah well these things I think the fuck do you think those parasitic worms fuck no they just probably separate they probably just you know they just divide themselves there's no sex happening there like it's good speaking of fuck did you see that python that they found in the middle of the Everglades it was 17 feet long my I was like so I Googled it I saw this is one things I took a certain I was talking about exotic pets I Googled it they get to 30 feet long I can't even understand that that is ridiculous that's what then I went down a hole I did I saw that python whole the record record 17 foot long python carrying 73 eggs captured in Florida's Everglades another reason we should just get rid of Florida

► 01:44:47

snap it off and push it into the ocean there's too much craziness happening there that fucking snake now here's the thing that freaked me out I found of those snakes get twice that length so this is only been going on apparently for like the last 15 or so years they apparently didn't have a real population of pythons in the Everglades 15 years ago did somebody's pet get loose that thing had 73 eggs I know no it didn't get loose some asshole just released his snake right someone just chucked it out the window and then it fuck's up the balance of the ecosystem they escaped from a breeding facility destroyed by Hurricane Andrew in 1992 that makes sense a hundred percent horror movie starts it is a great horror movie somebody write that script tens of thousands of Burmese pythons are estimated now be living the area and that's just now they've completely wiped out all the raccoons all the skunk's all the rabbits it's a snowman out yeah they're eating alligators now nice those things eat alligators that's it

► 01:45:47

geodyssey forget the dude naked at Chick-fil-A is a photograph of one that died because the alligator chewed its way out of its body nature is so brutal man nature is so damn ruthless but there's some beauty in that ruthlessness just just that like undying desire for survival that exist in creatures like that that can't there's no empathy there's no sympathy they're just going to eat their way out of you to survive yeah there's something cool about as long as it's not your five-year-old kid that gets snatched the lutely absolutely that's a goddamn nightmare this show this but this is for you guys so is this one doing this is this is this is meeting the video look at that as a different one I think this is an anaconda and a caiman says python eats alligator alive I mean he eats the whole thing alive is that a python for sure yeah it seems like it is seems like it is that's actually a video of me eating a grilled cheese into am look at how it

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is sped up a look how it gets all the way down to the fucking tail that is amazing I wonder if snakes have taste buds or if it's just for pure hunger to just stop and think about what we're looking at here this fucking snake just ate a whole alligator there goes a tail oh my its body and it's just gonna break it down look at that evil he's gotta go away and chill because they're vulnerable when they eat that he's gonna go and just hide in a hide under a canopy well that's why there's like snakes everywhere on Earth well now there are in Florida yeah but I mean they're not everywhere because if they there really could just eat and then go out and eat again like real quick-like look how aligned could write it would be they would eat at all the ecosystem would be destroyed baby the baby thing where the alligator chewed its way out look at that also kind of badass of that alligator it looks like the tail popped out yeah maybe the tail you know because those tails are very strong and they're so thick it's like an armor go to that website

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that's wild man

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Jesus Christ is really wild but that's just shows you how hungry these fucking things are they've eaten everything that's out there but also their masters their their ability to capture something and then kill it that's that vicious brought an alligator like those are kind of hard to sneak up on and capture and hold onto I don't think they are I think you don't think so no I think that's one of the reasons why it could get it so quick I think they just lay around most of the time I think alligators don't tweak because they don't have any natural enemies until the pythons came along I don't think there's real badass yeah I don't think they're equipped for this yeah they're probably not equipped for you're probably right where they're just there the snake found a vulnerability in the system he's like I'm going to snack on alligators wonder how long it takes a snake with ass nasty gut juices to break down alligator hide three three three days three to four days that's my guess I'ma say at least a week to break down all that maybe even longer yeah

► 01:48:47

it's got to have some gnarly like acids acids in its stomach to break that down yes some shit like from the movie Alien yes like battery acid just burns right through it why aren't we like using snake acid to break down rust on cars and stuff we should be looking into that yeah would clean up everything I would clean up everything and animated re-creation of the Python alligator battle suggest that the python might have survived its massive meal but that a second Gator came to the rescue and bit off the snake's head oh was that the alligators bitch being like know the force of the tussle the new Theory says is what caused the python wow whoa so alligator came and fucked him about me eat alligator homie came and rescued they have any home he's really know it may be assholes I think they're assholes with tiny little brains and they just chew things in suck them down they just fuck reptilian style did you ever see that video of the crocodiles and they go to feed them

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and it was on my Instagram Jamie the one with the crocodile well that's really a nation goes to throw some chicken out for the crocodiles the crocodiles snap up the chicken and one crocodile reaches over to the guy next to him and bites his leg bites the crocodiles leg and just roll oh God snaps it off and like sit down swallows it and the other alligator the other crocodiles it doesn't even budge he just got his arm bit off he's like what happened oh my fuck this is when you realize what these things are they don't give a fuck there it's so crazy to watch they're digesting worse doesn't even freaked out that it's arm got bitten off and swallowed by his name I will say if I'm eating a really delicious sandwich and someone bites me and we'll be like I'm just going to finish the sandwich I have to be honest how hungry are you if you're very hungry well he's not even finished he's lying there and the other Al Gore these are the crocodile bites his leg and then rips it off watch this that's some bullshit just watch it boom now watch they run in see this one's snacking up and look

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ABS it and then watch Gator Roll death snaps it off now watch Chuck sit down go look at him he doesn't even do anything what the fuck bro he just lost his leg and he's like what the fuck bro I mean those are not regenitive right yes they are they can he grow another pod whoa yeah they grow other pause all the time that's yeah that is so wild when I was playing some Gator DNA on my face I bet you that's really good for just like keeping your shit fresh or you look like scales you want that that'd be kind of cool forever scales I'll be a superhero I could probably capitalize on it then you have to worry about what you look like right just go scales to your face solutely into their right now I'm not going to wear any Rouge I got scales I'ma go out some girl had to be the first girl get a face tattoo

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you could be the first girl to get scales probably some probably really long time ago somebody's got a face tattoo well mostly tribal yeah most likely trochlea tribal maybe like one of those polyandrous tribes what is this Jamie so that looks like a snake with alligator inside of it it does take three days for it to break down scientist dr. Simon is coming into your lane better watch out I'm a doctor and a scientist and know all about gut acid I know about got acids because I'm Italian I've got AA Judah Ben-Hur Dodge again forever is a real thing that science that's Sicilian science is good the fuck can I just like anything you know meatballs and give me the adjutant uh you know what's crazy about the Everglades is if this is how it is now imagine what it's going to be like 20 years from now when these things just keep reading yeah it's gonna take its gonna take a few generations for that to balance back out they need to put some wolves in that area and get it all back to where it should be well they have crocodiles in there now too there's been confirmed sightings of Nile crocodiles not

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crocodiles Nile crocodiles for the same reason that's wild where the alligators are yeah that's fucked yeah it's fucked because those are the ones that eat zebras and shit yeah they're gonna be everything they're going to be eating that watch hide your kids hide your wife yeah they don't Definitely Maybe raping everybody know that guy he I mean he this is what I'm saying he found a lane and may He capitalized off of that little moment he did for a little bit yeah for a hot minute and now we know who he is by just saying a phrase yeah I met him you did yeah I met him at one of the UFC's oh that's wild how was he a gentleman or very nice guy is super confused about his life like fuck is going on here why am I here everybody knows me like he went from being just a regular guy talking about break-ins yeah it was on the news interview to do it on the news and he was so funny that he became like a viral star and the next thing you know like Dana White flew him out to the UFC we're hanging out with them backstage that's hilarious like what is this life Wow how about that like cash me outside girl she is a

► 01:53:34

she's a rapper she's got like 20 million followers on Instagram dude she's wrapping because a giant billboard on Sunset when I'm buildings where they have the whole thing it's likely be body what how do you but bad baby bad Bobby bad biddy biddy everybody boo but you know when I sometimes when I work out I put female rapper station on Spotify and she pops up look at look at this here now live in your truth with a minute hold on a second formerly gay yep Antoine Dodson announces his baby boys birth after expressing his desire to get married I think confusing headline but live it do it he formally get well you know he looks great there you should be open to change people who should be do you think that someone can be gay and then that it could switch over absolutely and they stop being gay and they start being attracted to women absolutely why not we're on a DOT spend it in nothing that's expanding hmm why not why not I think that's so stunning to think right like

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what is a possible because I think what you just said people exist some people exist in these comfortable Bubbles and they have the routines and they fear change because of the exhaustion because of what it takes and then when they hear somebody else living a life that's outside of their little bubble regimen they freaked out because maybe it reflects their own inability to change themselves or their fear of changing so I think a lot of that were people like you know look at someone like Antoine Dodson who's in a wig and wears lip gloss or like what's that first of all you don't know that's a wig that's hurtful it is real hair did I trigger you that's his real this is Harris is exact same hair is Beyonce it's his real hair I think the same thing when I wake up is real too by the way that's a real woman Okay Christian Saints backed yeah better watch out those hips will snap you can you can turn on people that way yes I bring something up that they didn't even say yep and then saying don't ever fucking say anything about her and right but I didn't like what he was about I'll send you on the defensive be careful people like that the sneaky Fox

► 01:55:34

they are now I know what you're gonna say next you're gonna say yes that's mental illness you're going to say the Donald Trump is a strong leader but how's it going to say that you're like wait a minute you gotta say that we need border security I know what the fuck I'm doing racist like no no you're going to have a conversation here I mean we need some poor security don't we what the fuck God damn it that Wormhole with crazies did you ever see what the board looks like in Canada the middle of the forest I would imagine just like maple syrup fountains no that's paved it's like not paved it's um it's like trimmed all the trees are trimmed and it's like can hundred yards wide there's like a path that's a hundred yards why that is like the border between us like say if this table was like Baron rights Forest on this side force on that side that's what the path is like the entire length of the the connection between the United States and Canada that's true it's crazy that's trippy also did you just call me Baron no I didn't I said it's Barren hi

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here I was like true probably that's wild have you seen it in person no no I just found out about what two weeks ago that's really cool crocodiles apparently can't regrow their limbs oh that's a bummer are you sure I just looked it up even their tails other amphibians can but crocodiles and alligators can't I guess there really can live without a limb or two it says but they can't regrow that's a bummer hmm you would think they would because you would think like genetically they're similar like salamanders a couple websites I mean I'm not I'm not the scientist here well we come we know you aren't because he's sitting right here I'm not a scientist either there can't be a doctor of something that sounds good you're a doctor of your Rogen comedy we that there's no path that just looks like a power line path to downtown looks like cocaine it don't like a big Line to See ya no no touchies own I have no touching Zone to zone right there that's my it's all my zones there's no crazy that's the border between the useful that's beautiful

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you go up there at that is God's country that is so spectacular I would love to blaze a blunt and walk that whole fucking thing it'll freak you out do you ever go hiking deep in where you got no cell phone reception and you get to not like we're it's that deciduous but like in you know like you deciduous second Big Brother day but I am somewhat well-read I'm a fucking doctor I forgot you were a doctor I'm a doctor has I did dr. of something what do I feel you're a doctor of I feel you're a doctor of Comedy for sure I don't have it though there's no there's no I know there's no Mastery at you and I have talked about this before and you know I said something like I don't know you were like house comedy I'm like I'm just trying to figure it out you're like none of us ever will I am not saying that like your the end of it but I think I was watching you on stage at The Comedy Store and Hinchcliffe was next to me and you know you're doing your set Killin and having a having a great show and this woman yells out in the middle of a joke and you just

► 01:58:34

fucking going you were so disciplined you didn't miss a beat you didn't acknowledge her you didn't give her any sort of energy or tension you just were so like in your joke and I just looked at Tony and he was like I know everybody else would have went to her event you know totally just like abandoned their joke in messed up the flow but you just and that day I was like damn I need to I need to stick to my jokes more than like indulging people who are yelling at me from the audience sometimes you have to indulge in sometimes they are also going to ruin it for the people around them that's the number one thing to I could people go yeah you just can't fucking hang like people have said that to like Chris D'Elia there was this lady called him what did she say she goes you're a planner not a comedian a real comedian can deal with someone yelling something out like okay Chris told to shut the fuck up and get out of there and they kicked her out and that was her thing that you're a planner it's over now that I'll text Crystal you have know where you're a fucking planner bro he's such a planner comedians are

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don't organize people ever if anything they're the worst planner sometimes you have to address them sometimes you do the real problem is that they're they're fucking it up for the people around them they think they're just they're interacting with you but they did not take into consideration the fact that even if the you don't like what someone saying let them say it because there's 300 other fucking people in the room and you you don't get to decide you're not the program director you don't get to decide what you like or don't like it just because you're in front of that person you yell something out if the whole audience is sitting there watching the performance in the guys working his way through some material there are the woman by the way sorry let them fucking finish their shit man do you find you have which gender yells out more or is it equal so it's equal it's just dumb equal men to women yeah - most women really yeah I'd say for me it's been like 95% women I think I'd probably say

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maybe there's a little bit of a an advanced a little bit of a number difference in favor of men doing it obviously you probably have a more male dominated audience than I would yeah but guys bring their girlfriends girlfriends like fuck him you listening to they're always listening to him he's a fucking idiot asshole you really believe what he's saying enough people just listen you can get confused and think you know what the fuck you're talking about that's what he is that's exactly what he is just because a lot of people are listening to him doesn't mean he knows what the fuck he's talking about and you worship and like oh my god do you love him are you in a bromance is that is going on you should be embarrassed of your sad I don't give a fuck what Joe Rogan it's not a real man bringing that up God he's not even rowm disgusting he's very angry it'll he looks like a man ape yeah yeah also the appeal is that you look like a Manny well I get it gals I don't want to listen to fucking Taylor Swift songs either

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I get it you know if you're in the car and she's like Haters Gonna Hate You rock out to tailor a few songs that are not bad you've got daughters in your house I know you dance dealer Swift I probably have if I've been hammered the thing is it's like it's not my thing it's not like what I would listen to all the time yeah it's not my go-to you know and people have different go twos doesn't make it right or wrong but if you get dragged into someone else's go to you got a grin and bear it your anybody ever take you to a musical Jesus fucking Christmas it's it's a it's a thing I went to one musical I went to like three musicals one of them I only went to because Stamos was in it do do do do is tell everybody Jessie Mae might have a bit of a stalker issue with John Stamos stalker is I am not stalking is a very nice man he reached out to me when my father passed he was very nice to me that message she was very very nice well but all joking aside you do have about a hundred photoshop's of you with John Stamos

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those various positions in bed on a plane together on vacation together I'm sorry Caitlin who yeah my fans my fans make be no they superimpose me I find a photo of his it's funny and I'm like put me in this there's one horse he posted a picture of him on bed like from like the full how Sarah I was like somebody put me on the bed I apologize to Kaitlyn I always apologize to his wife a child I mean for the most part I try to joke but it's a long-running joke that you've been doing for years now kidding me like I loved him as a kid and II told this story before but I have a I had a poster of him above my bed as a kid that I literally kissed so much I wore a hole in his mouth you be rude rude Joe Rogan did you ate through the paper we need tongue horse we licking it and doing all the things okay yeah all of the things yeah

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but I went to a musical he was in Bye Bye Birdie very delightful very talented man and then I went to a couple others but they are I fell asleep in the other ones the ruthless there it's in the intermission kills me it's like why don't we just get it done straight through yeah I think I would like to see The Book of Mormon that's like oh yeah you know that's that's that's the exception I saw that it's awesome yeah I would imagine they're really think those guys are geniuses it's just really well read to a really well-written rather it's really funny there's a really good story like the way they did obviously did their homework but I saw cats once when I was on a date I was public 19 fuck that fuck cats in general who I guess they're scary and real life why you want to go see him sing and they're standing upright that's a nightmare you're a dog person not a cat person I'm not saying I would like a hairless cat like a sphinx I think they're cool this shit in a box in your house perfect so do I piss your house I'm going to change my toilet to be Roman fuck yeah man - in a box yeah they shouldn't have box but that's a great things grow sometimes my dog's crap on the carpet with their you know

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irritable but cats are weird man cats I don't know if you can trust a cat you could try some cats you have a couple cats don't you yeah you got a fucking zoo I'm so jealous I want to come over and just put everything in your house to my dogs died recently I'm sorry the last I guess it was probably almost a year now it was Marshall said he didn't understand what was going on he looks like he's just pure joy and happy he is all the time he's the happiest arguments he's so he brings me joy I just started following on Instagram he's so happy oh your dog on Instagram he's my buddy he's so weird like he's straight Bond C so affectionate do you run him off leash in the morning when you go oh yeah no tissue no he's been he's got tick medication that he's taken but we have caught him with a couple of ticks home without all that luxurious hair this takes up I like when we're drunk he loves it though he never seen anything in his pure joy as that dog is like running through the canyon he just loves it he so happy so

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do you keep him so clean I mean I know you got that like Joe Rogan Experience money but he is luxurious cold water well I mean I'll take everyone else haircut owners have water and I've seen these mingled Beast take her there they really don't and they wonder why they lash out Marshalls not like for cats when you die cats will start eating your face and like 16 hours dogs made about a week-long yeah the pie dough in wait that long dogs we want to eat them yeah they love you a little bit more they won't you right away I don't even know if Marshall would eat you I think you'd way I wouldn't even know what you were I wouldn't understand it he would just keep throwing balls at you just rolling him over to you just wine my he woke me up yesterday it was fucking really annoying whining you watching the size to get up like I got home from The Comedy Store I'd like to and then I watched some goofy I've been on this UFO documentary kick watching UFO documentaries yeah told you it's David it was I'd say I started talking about yeah we were talking about that what were you did you have something specific that you would saw recently the documentary one of them is error

► 02:06:32

Area 51 Bob Lazar and a lie of Area 51 and flying saucers it's a some documentary on this guy who claimed that he worked on these alien ships in Area 51 in the 1980s okay chills as Times Gone on more of the things that he said a proven to actually be true like what hooding an element that he talked about Element 115 I think it was called like I'm organism from outer space no no an element Like a Man created element you know at this carbon right yeah well there's an element that they created that he talked about way before it was ever publicized and he talked about this thing and then it turned out to be true he talked about these there's these hand monitors that you would put your hand on this thing and these lines these metal lines would detect the distances in the bones of your fingers the exact distance is and everyone is different it's like a signature thing and that they could find out if it was you

► 02:07:32

or not you it was trying to go through so the way they would scan people to bioscan would literally measure the bones in their fingers and people said that was horseshit why I talked about this in the 1980s people said it was horseshit but then later on it turned out no they did have that and Los Alamos they did have that in Area 51 and that this technology was very very Advanced very not just very Advanced but very not it was not well known at all like very few people did in the sky whose creative this documentary was very difficult for them to get photos of this hand scanner but this hand scanner did exist and existed exactly as this guy described it in the 80s I mean that's super Progressive for that time was also in for now that did approve is top secret clearance to get to this place they know that he actually worked there there's people that worked in the same Los Alamos lab with him they tried to say never work there but his names on the Manifest it's very strange it's like they've tried to erase parts of this guy's past

► 02:08:32

see he filmed a bunch of their crafts as they were flying around like he knew what days this is the thing that thing right there you put your hand on that it actually measures the distance of your the size and length of your bone that looks that looks like something that's inside of an escape room and LOL but I went into this documentary skeptical I wanted good yeah but I am I'm so done with all those things but listen to this guy talked for a while after a while I was like what if he's telling the truth like what if he is actually telling the truth because if he's actually telling the truth there is some part of the government that had access at least in the 1980s to alien technology I mean is it probably is some truth to that crazier things have happened and also like just your mentality of believing him is probably the same thing that made dr. Malak I love Joyce Robinson the third become successful con artist yeah I mean either this dude there's validity of what he's saying and this

► 02:09:31

Commander which I can't wait to watch or he's just really great at painting a picture some people are so good at convincing you that's true of truths true there's you know people with like borderline personality disorder and every sort of spectrum in between there they become really good manipulators that is true however usually they do that in more than one Avenue absolutely this guy's not doing that yeah so it's really documentary then also hasn't varied as story like mean he might have like changed the way says things in terms of like the words he chooses but the actual story is exactly the same as he was telling a long time ago it's a self-produced documentary there's their production company no production company that's where it's like okay there's probably some validity to this what this guy's been around for a long time I remember reading about him and watch videos about him you know 20 years ago I mean don't you think you're somebody who you said you know and I know it's about you you love space you're obsessed with that the idea of what we are in the solar system and beyond like how impossible is it too

► 02:10:32

I think that there could be a creature that could breach our atmosphere with some advanced technology and be able to just sort of chill you know scoot around scoot scoot Smith boots check us out and fucking piece out back up to wherever they're probably that's how they would do it but yeah I know what you're saying

► 02:10:49

scoot scoot scoot scoot we're good yeah they just kind of cruise around you know they're looking at us well he had an interesting analogy since he said if you brought a an atomic engine to these people that live in the Victorian era and said hey this is a this is a nuclear power plant like here here check this out they would fuck with it they wind up getting sick from radiation they wind up dying no one would understand what it was or how it worked they would never figure it out right he goes why would we assume that this is only from that one time with this one device why would we assume that there would be some other technology that maybe we will create some day in the future I'm paraphrasing and very poorly it's okay or someone else from another planet would create that we wouldn't understand at all and he said that's what we were dealing with when we're trying to back engineer the propulsion systems at these things use the they use some gravity-based propulsion system and it was something that would mean

► 02:11:49

Billy gravity in front it's very look I don't I'm too stupid to know the science of it I don't know if he's town like if you were a scientist you're supposed to know these things I have to get my dick Joseph Rogan degree so I can call myself you should just want to get an honorary one like Cosby had what it's gone now he doesn't have it doesn't happen anymore they still hunt away one thing to take back doing in back he can keep those yeah he could keep that actually I think he wrote an essay and that's how they gave him his Doctorate I'm that's neither here nor there those probably got more than one doctor I'm yeah sure he did and he didn't he didn't deserve them but I think I mean there's got to be stuff out there a hundred percent a hundred percent but I like to say there's not it's like a stop you think that's just it no no I don't think it is but it is entirely possible um I use that phrase too often and it's entirely possible you got to get a mash-up of all of those it's already out there

► 02:12:49

yeah hilarious like a hundred fifty thousand of them but it seems to be on a shirt possible that really where the most advanced that's possible to ability because something has to be the most advanced absolutely and something has to be the least we could also be on that part of the spectrum or maybe we're the last to evolve it's a hundred percent a hundred percent possible if there's if there's an infinite number of life forms out there like if there's an infinite number of planets there's an infinite number of Earth-like planets that could you know have beings like us on it who's to say that we're not the most advanced maybe they're all like people from the 1820s yeah there's no caught up to a ceiling shit they're still doing you know I think they chiseled me don't and chisels but I'm talking like old old shit they don't even have pens and papers yet like the orangutan efficient with a spear exactly there's just a bunch of advanced orangutans that are like you know put in hieroglyphics in caves it's possible it is very possible totally possible but because we're just we're just basing it off of our own experience and perception of what we have been exposed to

► 02:13:49

no idea you know the other really interesting scenario is that there are Time Travelers oh that's really and that's exciting that's what they are is some being from the far distant future that understands that it could come back and observe us and see like where things went wrong where things weren't right but do so in a way that's as minimally intrusive as possible and occasionally interfere that's things that gives me chills that freaks me out what you start fucking with time and our perception of it and how it exists in like being able to hop along that spectrum of it freaks me should the fuck out there's this movie I saw called a ghost story and it's not a horror movie it's kind of about that Patrick Swayze it's a Casey Affleck and Runa Mar I think Rooney Rooney Mara it's a gopher wasn't in it let's ghost I miss Patrick Swayze's so much you miss him I miss him he's one of those actors I love if you could bring Patrick Swayze back and and take away

► 02:14:49

Full House boy hold you how dare you what's his name again Joseph Nathaniel Rogan I don't know I mean that's a tough call I mean Swayze gave us he gave us Dirty Dancing he gave us that beautiful what a beautiful man he could move those hips that was when he was a surfer member that was Point Break he was the rebel surfer dude do you remember the video on Saturday Night Live of him and Chris Farley doing the Chippendales audition iconic that's iconic comedy that is like such a great Crossroads between Beauty and Chris Farley Christmas

► 02:15:37

we put it all out on the table during the sketch it is so funny I miss I really do miss Patrick Swayze but I crazy that he was so fit but yet he smokes cigarettes he did it did he really yeah you probably have cancer he probably smoke cigarettes to stay fit some people get stuck in that you know they are afraid of letting it go because they think it helps with their physique and maintaining the look on the models do that stain skinny yeah because you know it's an upper yeah Chris is your heart rate and all that and what not it also kills your appetite I think I'm totally kills your taste buds you can't taste anything everything is glued to your ass maybe you should smoke that's the only way you should look asses by smoking cigarettes they don't keep getting those brains tests like you have to have to choose God this is a brutal dude you're making me lose Stamos and get hookworm I'm just saying Stamos or Swayze Stamos all day bro really was for Life sorry Swayze see you on the other side Whoopi and I will be messaging you later stop for a moment

► 02:16:37

and really reconsider what you're saying think about the great films Swayze provided us with okay I will fuck the selfish bitch Mankind's entertainment falls on my shoulders Road House I wanted a song and like also you know how I know I feel bad when you look at his IMDb that poster for Roadhouse please you're either going through ten seasons of Full House or Roadhouse Roadhouse either Full House sir it's full house or Roadhouse dude I mean okay indulgently and selfishly it Stamos but on an overall spectrum and Swayze also mankind for mankind yeah I will I'm sorry Caitlin I'm going to have to go with sways sways all day that's what we said we're going to start doing Jamie is doing like fight companions for like terrible movies like we may do that Stamos we should get

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be queued and place showgirls

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that just had its 25th anniversary you have two people don't even know dude you don't know the cult classic it's an amazingly bad move it's it's so epically bad it's kind of like what what how I felt when I watched the dirt recently it ended this gals career it did it basically no not at all didn't it no did she take off after that she stayed she stayed pretty plateaued but she was this she was on her way to being a gigantic Superstar she's a star of this movie she's super hot she's half-naked think she took this movie I'm speculating but I thought she took this movie because because it was going to be the next thing and ended up being such a such a brutal failure that maybe I don't know it's so good it's so bad it's good it's crazy and it's got great actors in a to like Kyle MacLachlan guns cock o'clock o'clock is a great actor if he's had a bad actress Gina Gershon

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isn't that amazing she was in Bye Bye Birdie with Stamos on on Broadway she was amazing what's the cast scroll back all the way up to the top it is a great cast of the all not just images I mean her body there is amazing in this obviously yeah it's kind of like number to me more when she did that stripper movie as well she was a GI Jane she was amazing and GI Jane but didn't you to me more do a stripper my favorite part gij Elizabeth Berkley my favorite part in GI James when she says suck my dick I was like okay that's I need to put that on a t-shirt now just she said suck my dick in the movie yeah she was like on our way to being a Navy SEAL that's great you know GI Jane's going through boot camp I never met my dad remember those like shirt is suck my dick striptease shirt dude du me Moore's body and striptease was all the things she was so banging in that movie She's beautiful yeah Amber I just remember I mean we'll be burning your head it's just one of those movies that

► 02:19:40

I remember she was she was like jacked in that movie hmm and dancing very awkwardly the very awkward stripper dance that happened I think going on with that outfit looks like she belongs on a wedding cake like something on a television show tonight show looks like Telemundo what do you think she's doing these days some people get super super famous where they're everywhere and then they go I'm done I think she's just chilling I think so I hope so hope she's just chilling and just kind of you know what was she gonna do another movie maybe maybe an integer we should absolutely she maybe she should do it because it would tap into a different era we haven't seen when you record your now you imagine a doctor give me where she's good at work where she is I she's taking a break you know we got a couple projects on the table I don't know what you say know what she's gonna do I don't know either who I didn't expect you to like defend yourself that way

► 02:20:33

she's gonna do an indie I don't know and I'm like no one's pressuring Jessie Mae who's marijuana you're still high I'm sorry I was late oh I've been high for 4 days who's your celebrity crush don't have one you don't know I'm good you don't have like a like a fantasy you know like a fantasy chick maybe Madonna from the 80s wow she was young bold Choice pointy bra was also you know that she was never going to get hooked on you should take off yeah it'd be like yeah okay well maybe do you think you care yeah I knew she wouldn't like me I knew she would like me for long that's that's a real strategy that men some men employ like this one is not going to last it's great that's that's an honest answer yeah it really is yeah that's the that's the Allure of the positive Independent Women powerful positive independent woman is like she does not need you to need me yeah I need a tall she's like yeah well see ya there she is

► 02:21:33

look at that Saldana from the that's all real to oh yeah that's that's from her closet for sure she's in like dudes briefs and some like doilies on her legs and apparently she'll like them fucking awesome we actually to smash said Warren Beatty Sean Penn Bad Boys see this movie that these this is the three identical sure these are the three identical these are the twins of that documentary is about you haven't seen the identical strangers no I heard it's amazing I was brought up the other day cause you gotta start talking about something I forget which podcast it was that this movie sort of bleeds into not spoiler because it moves me can't spoil it right genetic testing type shit yeah back in the day like in the in the 50s right they were doing it like in the 50s and 60s in an in like an orphanage yeah I need to find some time to watch that it's everybody recommends it yeah it's just when you think like a revelation happens in your like what the fuck and then another one happens you like this has got to stop and then you're just like holy hell and

► 02:22:33

it's just a thing where if somebody wants to get something done sometimes they take really drastic measures it's selfish and it's terrible and it breaks all ethical you know rules but I don't know there they do it well we're spoiler alert did I do it I'm out for a while do it as an experiment on these guys on purpose yes a psychologist who wanted to find out stuff who is Christ running an orphanage and not in and withholding information from the family's just a fart to find out how it would work out what what they were doing was nature versus nurture they were they were seeing what effects it has on a child based on how its raised wow by also by the socioeconomic status of the family about the neighborhood it's in about the type of unit the love all of those factors and what results it has on the individual right what do you say Jamie that's kind of the data they have a bunch of data apparently somewhere and it never came out

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it's missing it's gone the files are just gone disappeared years of them basically ruining the lives of children and the effects of that is just dissipated Into Thin Air it's such a such a heartbreaking story but it's also very interesting and that's why I'm saying like how would you ever not that needs to happen but there is a question I mean you're gonna find out unless someone did something right you just guess I mean we could look at like all the things that are happening in society especially with like Mass Shooters and people who commit these random acts of violence and go back to their upbringing in their rearing I'm pretty sure I would take a gander and I guess it they probably weren't raised with the most amount of love there's certain things that you don't really know how it's going to work out yeah till you experiment yeah and that's what I was saying like it's a little brutal but we'll people are scared of that kind of thing because that's where Hitler came from yeah that kind of thinking I mean you hear about some of the experiments they did on people man that was just scary dr. supposedly I think came in with Operation Paperclip

► 02:24:33

she's in no way was that deep into oh my God that's horrible it's pretty fucked up it's you know an operation do you know what Operation Paperclip was wasn't that something like a Hitler thing back in the day with babies no no no it was not a scientist that were taken from World War Two so the United States took Nazi scientists including Wernher von Braun who was the head of NASA write a bunch of other scientists and all these Nazis that were working for Germany making rockets and involved in like high level science and they brought them over to America and sort of whitewash hold and they called it Operation Paperclip holy it weirder Von Braun when he was at the head of NASA he was a fucking legitimate not see like the Simon wiesenthal Center said that if he was alive today they would prosecute him for crimes against humanity I feel like there's still you know they're still they've got wrinkling of yeah people in there from that sort of they've chased these guys down to the far ends of the Earth dude that's scary those are very powerful positions

► 02:25:33

be in to have that sort of mentality driving it that's scary as fuck for sure you know what's really crazy is Argentina Argentina and South America a lot of Nazis went to Argentina and South America they fled Germany and Tim Kennedy who's a good friend of mine who was a former UFC fighters Soldier he was on a show called finding Hitler where there was there's been speculation over the years because so many Nazis landed in South America that Hitler had escaped and lived out his life in you know protected by these other Nazis and the South American towns there's towns in South America congrats dude there's towns in South America where they all they do is speak German they have Oktoberfest they have photographs on the walls of their grandfather and SS Garb that is very very scary oh dude it's crazy it's very scary blew me away when I when I when he was telling me about this in describing the he's a known

► 02:26:33

intense guy so when he's explaining he's like you gotta understand you're coming to these towns everyone is German oh my God they all look like Germans they all talk German they all have German Like Houses in German like the like German style stuff in their house that's bizarre I mean that's great had to be what happened I've oh no no no no it's maybe not what happened to Hitler right the pretty sure the Hitler died but I'm sure they relocated that's definitely what happened that is yeah see if you can find that yeah Jamie will find some it is so did a blow you away this is just the South America look it looks like a German Town it does look like a German Town it's crazy there's a whole village these fucking people I mean and there's not just one there's many many of these little little pockets that looks like an Oktoberfest bar that's really bizarre I mean that one looks a little Japanese that well there's videos though it's really crazy they're drinking out of Stein's and like the whole deal and they're really wild dude is crazy

► 02:27:33

obviously we couldn't get them all I mean they had to flee somewhere yeah and they're going to set up shop make it there you know make it there homogeneous they saw the ship was about to hit the fan is it listen I know a place we can get some cool Margaritas we can catch some fucking toasty waves let's do it I wanted a drink

► 02:27:55

that's a wild I never knew that oh it's yeah I didn't know it either it's crazy and it is really crazy math is too much to know there is too much no but it's one of the great things about the the stuff you talked about on this is you got to look just like a plethora of information just got most of it useless most of it's useless self it's useless wasting wasting time in order to do anything with it dude I'll be taking CBD with THC oh that's great he delivers it got a bit of a problem what's the matter bit of ribbon tie every day for the last six days same I pop these little tablets in the morning it's CBD and THC it's not a lot of fun to 1 yeah it's one-to-one perfect it's amazing yeah that's you know that they work with each other and they help the THC helps deliver the CBD and vice versa you feel great yeah you feel balanced yeah I feel like energized clay clear I don't know about you I feel clear no no problem in terms of like feeling foggy or fatigued no just the right amount but I fucked up and took one an hour

► 02:28:55

before I went to bed last night I went to bed at sensible time I knew I was going to do a podcast with Jessie Mae and what it is well I want to be awake and fresh and then I got you baked so that's fine but I went to bed and I taken one like an hour or so before I was in bed I woke up two o'clock in the morning bang ready to go great train fill of ideas why did you write some stuff down wrote that's cool I have I keep my laptop right now by the bed I started doing that too I just knew it near in the bathroom next to the bed yeah I literally if usually everyone's else sleep I grab the laptop and I just go into the other room and I start writing but I keep it in the bag I put it right by my bed so if I have an idea in my head twice I've written bits that came out to be like real legitimate bits because an idea came to me while I was lying there and I said I gotta just try this yeah just run in the other room and I start writing and then boom it becomes a bit not always twice over the last year

► 02:29:55

like legitimate bits have come out of just a random thought that it was popping through my mind while I was laying in bed now were you were you on the marijuana's both times yes I mean there's something to it definitely when you when you have a moment to escape because our brains like an onion data with information all the time just daydreaming being bored that's where the creativity for me is the most active like getting a good nap or even just in a dream you think of something like in the shower driving those are my ideas I've had this similar situation where I'm like oh this might be a good joke yeah that's my argument for ignoring phones to the allow yourself to get bored and when you allow yourself to get bored then that's when these creative ideas will come like if you're in your car like that's the other thing about that little car that I was telling you about it doesn't have a radio oh that's great no radio so you have to daydream yeah not just date your it's like the you're tuned into the thing as you're doing it and you think about stuff like I used to come up with some

► 02:30:55

best bits when I first started doing comedy when I was a deliver newspapers I would deliver newspapers in the morning and out of my car check them out the window how old are you 21 wow and when I was doing that I would come up with some of my best bits when I wasn't listening to the radio I was just driving around and then I have an idea what why is it that we what the fuck is this yeah just be thinking to myself almost like those hours became productive they are yeah it's daydreaming is probably one of the most important things you can do for your brain especially for Creative people and people in general you know I think when you're doing something that requires you to do something mechanically like driving even just washing your body paper route anything that you sort of have to do this like regular machine thing your brain sort of just can yeah Rome in the woods and just pick off little ideas off the trees and you know you're able to sort of give your brain a break yeah your brain doesn't always need to be stimulated

► 02:31:55

externally fuck no I thought that that's probably one of the causes of mental illness that probably it is attributed to a lot of neurological issues down the road like bubbly yeah your brain it needs a break you know those synapses can't be firing all the fucking time they got shit to do give them an app you have a man now I'm exhausted you know the brain needs a break but yeah I definitely I think of random things sometimes in the shower yeah you can you can do that while you're driving you could do that while you're in the shower running like I like to run and listen to books on tape but sometimes I just like to run and just listen to my voice just the breathing and then you get into this like meditative State yeah yeah that's deep deep Bro I don't know it's pretty noon it is dude fuck yeah 12:05 three hours of hang out with you yeah I'm still it's not enough started a little late because we had some try crash caster and we also started late because you had me on these machines

► 02:32:55

these moments a machines oh that's a sponsor the so right these are amazing I have like chronic stiffness in my neck from traveling and sitting awkward and Jamie was nice enough to give me one of these oh yeah they're awesome they're great for leg releasing these weird hard to get muscles in your back and lying I think yeah digs in and it's like real light to you can carry and take it with you it's someone who's the first one was it Michael Chandler told us about it yeah he was the first guy that it's for the psoas muscle to Target it yeah but where the V were girls who like that v formation that muscle down there the dudes who have the V you probably don't get it because you're yeah Jamie was talking about I think I that's not as much just go with that's what we're trying to see what kind of fucking podcast is this I am a goddamn doctor Jessie Mae tell everybody how they can find you on the internet you can find me my websites just seemed a.com I'm at queef he met on Twitter

► 02:33:55

he met on Twitter out of me because of that Instagram is jessimae peluso and you can check out my Sharp tongue podcast and she's touring all over the country hilarious stand-up comedian my friend I love this so much one of my favorite things are Beyond this was such an honor that we find it yeah thank you by fuckers I'm a scientist thank you everyone for tuning in to the podcast and thank you to our sponsors thank you to mushroom coffee from for Sig Matic mushroom Elixir mushroom coffee and you can save 20% off your forcing Matic order when you go to forcing Matic.com Joe Rogan or use the discount code Joe Rogan at checkout that's fo you are SI G m-- ATI si.com Joe Rogan or use the discount code Joe Rogan at checkout for 20% off thank you also to movement watches ladies and gentlemen constantly drop a new Styles beautiful minimalist design with

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