#1355 - Mark Normand

Sep 20, 2019

Mark Normand is a stand-up comedian and actor. Check out his podcast "Tuesdays with Stories!" with co-host Joe List available on Apple Podcasts.

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Penn jillette said Penn jillette told you that it's Fourth not Forte yeah and he's you know I don't know well-read man oh yeah he's he was just on yeah yeah is an interesting cat is that true is he correct Jamie there's a little thing over the E right to pronunciation like yeah well that's like the word literally you know the term literally has we've actually changed the meaning because so many people used it wrong okay for Forte with the are right there too uh-huh well the a thin port and then we're downstairs so there's two different ones huh but it might be like selfie how it just creates itself over a while yeah thing that someone excels that small talk was not his Forte a or Fort well maybe Fort was original and then someone kept fucking it up like tumeric yeah terrific yeah I we were just talking about how to Marik has

an r in there it's to you are which I didn't know at all until Laird Hamilton put his coffee machine in here to just turn the volume down well gee sorry is that my mic my high my head cans are a little hot I'll turn it down appreciate it sir is that better yeah she's kind of really cut yourself crazy here's Pat Carney likes to hear himself flowery talk shit he's got some hearing problems oh yeah oh yeah rock star drummer all those guys go deaf right they have issues well though that's the dude from AC/DC the lead singer he can't say anymore right because his ears are just shot that's awful man yeah every song sounds the same did the best that I don't know about the BET come on bro I mean I like them looking fast don't know what the best well they are an iconic band I'll give you that I like their songs their certain songs I'm on my way yeah they're great road trip video game songs but I feel

the kind of bleed together a little bit this is sound they have an AC/DC sound for sure oh yeah it's all one sound yeah but but you know but back to turmeric say that you know how like the Middle East there's not a lot of funny people out there it's not that's not big part of their culture it's comedy in the Middle East and Seinfeld thinks it's cuz we have a love of language he's think that's why Americans and British people are really funny because it's what we think about the words hmm I don't think they're saying with German not a lot of German ha ha you know what I mean we had a German comic that was big in Germany to came to the store and was here for a couple of years that he kinda like he didn't suck but he was real he was it was all physical exactly in Germany he's huge but it was all like slipping on stage pratfalls yeah come on we can do better than that we got word the words of the the interesting part the what you say the writing

you know it's a thing that people don't consider those pratfall guys I'm always in pain they're always hurt that's true like so are we mentally yeah but in physical way I think I was always wondering about Chevy Chase because you know Chevy Chase is supposed to be kind of grumpy yeah I've heard that yeah he's a dick everybody gets real grumpy and I wonder if the dude is just in constant pain hmm because you know I remember how many times he used to fall down like you fell down all the time on Saturday Night Live did he yeah and Fletch the the the detective movie yeah he Pratt fault all the time like Wicked heart Falls where it clearly him wow I didn't know he was a Fall Guy you know Buster Keaton he's like so underrated he broke his back and didn't realize it and the doctors like so when you break your back heel he's got that crazy story like that guy fell all day long I think it was his neck and face was it neck was it now someone just brought this up in the show didn't they Jamie didn't somebody just talk

that was just a few episodes ago I blow maybe but he's like not really brought up a lot he's fucking crazy how ballsy he was and how Innovative he was he would do stuff like he would draw he Weimer one of his gigs he would paint on a wall a hook and then hang his hat on it yeah this way there is who brought up Jamie I'm trying was it pain might have been patent been him or maybe I forget even look at that I mean it's all bits that's clever shit this is like amazing 19 what 24 yeah I mean that was just right there is amazing yeah jumping through that person and I mean you could do this all day it's all clever it's all redone a million times but he did it first wow and there was no one before him right so now no guidebook yeah and everything ends in a punch at all they'd always pays off there's no weak ones

any just sometimes he would just try it and I heard an interview with him he was like yeah I would just go for it and sometimes you would be in midair and you think of another thing and then you do that before you hit the ground I mean it's brilliant guy check them out if you don't know him and he's right now we're watching a video with him running over the top of a train he's and clearly really doing it yeah he's really doing he's gonna do some of that hook there it is wait for it wait for it and it come on the waters broke his neck no that's right is that right but the video yeah that he underestimated the force of the water coming out of it because I think about how much weight there is behind that water miserable like waterfalls yeah look if you jumped off of the Niagara Falls and hit the bottom what would kill you I mean might best be the force of the water hitting you against the Rocks right right I think that's what happened with him like he got hit so hard I believe it was pain because yeah but whoever it was well that that they were just explaining the was the way

the water he underestimated that kind of kills the whole fucking and the waterfall scenes and every movie who do you suppose you could ruin yeah you get pummeled imagine like you're headed up there and it's your idea and she slips and bashes our brains out against the Rocks because it was your stupid idea she's like let's just do it right here right here it's for the waterfall and you're so stupid you understand how much force is coming down yeah yeah that was a hot scene and cocktail wasn't oh yeah that'll it believes it Elisabeth Shue they fucking the Jamaican waterfall I'm a big Ike I had no cable as a kid so we would just watch everything that came on do you remember that movie with Elisabeth Shue and Nicolas Cage where he leaving Las Vegas gets a boner at the very end of course what that's a good drunk I think I mean those random drunk boners we've all been there here it is cocktail scene there it is waterfall this is all this is my whole childhood just these weird

80s movies on VHS they were weird somebody raised a good point about how we have so many op like I'm dating a lady who's a little younger than me she's about 14 and she's always like I'll bring up a movie like Ghostbusters like never seen it Godfather never seen it I'm like don't you care you don't you want to see that she's like I've never seen it that was born it would came up for my time and I'm like yeah but I know about the 70s in the 60s why do I know about that hmm I know but the fit I know about Buster Keaton why didn't younger people now they only go forward they don't go back at all have you noticed that yeah I think they're inundated with too much stuff I guess so think about it they got Hulu they got Amazon they got Netflix their streaming things constantly they're doing Tick-Tock and Instagram and everybody's checking social media to force a kid to sit down and watch you know National Lampoon's Family Vacation good luck I know but it's good it's great it's great I don't think they do that as much yeah a lot of kids are playing video games

sure and they're streaming things and YouTube yeah giant for the best giant you can never suck it all up but here's the here's the clinker is they're missing out on a lot I watch the office with her and she's missing references to a fucking Indiana Jones joke and I'm like you like the show but you know that since you missed that joke and then I got explain it to her and she's like who's that I'm like it's Harrison Ford he was of this he was an archaeologist he's archaeology that sounds terrible my God was fun yeah my nine-year-old watches these little videos on YouTube where they blend things is kids to get together they're silly and the laughing it's so dumb and they blend things but it's dumb because I'm 52 right if I was nine it would be awesome like for her it's awesome like she's really enjoying it she's laughing it's like it's not fake laughing she watches him whether or not you tell her to or not she's interested in it like in a blender they just throw food in a blender and try to drink it it's so it was so dumb shit it's so

and there's being silly and you know things slip out of their hands then they saw show a slo-mo of the things slipping out of their hand like it is a name it's just made for nine-year-olds by people who are like odd yeah and Tina 19 and I bet it's got millions of views millions of you that say you can't predict I'm trying to write the best joke ever put this video out is the funniest video nobody cares and then you fart on a taco salad and that goes viral well do you know the makeup artist a drama that took place on YouTube do you know about all that now I got roped in that too because of my kids I was just sell your CI yes this is Young homosexual fellow who has makeup tutorials and he got into some sort of a public scrap with his mentor James yeah something something here but yeah this this guy wow he's good look the videos are fucking entertaining that's quite hilarious and he got in a scrap with that person right

yes and you know it was a lot of a lot of terrible things were said but it was I had you know I'm like what is happening here so I'm like what is he what does he do he just he does makeup tutorials and I'm watches makeup to to their oddly entertaining yeah well if it's impressive anything is good you know just the things like networks missed sloppy but entertaining they missed that everything was done well everything ended with a laugh track right they missed this there's a whole Avenue it cool you know I'm saying yeah we'll look at me I'm on the fucking Fallon I'm wearing a suit I don't wear a suit but they make you wear one yeah they make you wear one the gritty off of everything in the grid is the good well use the good the who you really are who you really are you really are yeah when you want someone to conform at least aesthetically to who you'd like them to be like what are we doing here well that's the guy we're a fucking t-shirt who gives a shit right what is the matter we should have learned that when

remember when you were kidding bloopers came on it was the fucking greatest thing ever yes yeah but we would rather bloopers what are you gonna do but they wants that was we should have held on to that we should have gone towards the bloop well Marik is Funniest Home Videos was the original YouTube that's right right kicked in the balls by Shetland pony I mean that was that was it yeah that's that's what everybody realized they wanted to see people get kicked by animals the way they run the show now you submit a YouTube link to them and they just take it from YouTube and put it on the show wow but it's on TV but it's YouTube clips that's Larry this is gave up they tapped out they gave in to their maker various they tapped now that was Danny Tanner who was a dirty comic or not - Bob Saget so nice yeah but that's a stage name right that was his name in the show well that was Full House name for house named yes I got was a dirty comic if filthy still is me is now a but I think he probably had to take some time off while I was doing the show right he did

do any special or anything America's Funniest People what was the difference it's a spin-off they needed more time slots to dominate yeah probably getting tons and tons of tapes they had to put him out another show they have animal ones to write the difference is that's what they can't compete with YouTube because YouTube chose nine-year-old girls getting launched into the air by bison rails don't park look really getting launched yeah you like holy fuck yeah that's the TV unclean version It's a guy get hit by a car or you know yeah I've seen my phone fistfight you can watch all sorts of like cartel shootouts it on YouTube and YouTube but yet you can't say you know some weird right wing joke it's not funny how it's the words were all about now like that's what I never got about like if I do a pedophilia joke everybody's up my ass but we'll all get around the campfire to watch the Michael Jackson doc

yeah like that happened he's splitting your at he's talking about split the kids asked you could partner was like this is crazy but the joke that some comic tells bothers people I find that odd well I think both those things bother people for sure I mean the reason why the documentary was made was because people were bothered by it I know what they're they're excited to watch it's like a yeah cultural phenomena I would like well was gonna be big big show tonight well it's popcorn we knew we know something was really wrong with Michael Jackson you know yeah someone's some was really wrong there was never anybody quite like him that was from a tiny little boy like how old was Elvis when he got famous probably like 20 or something right maybe later and that was probably the biggest thing that had ever happened in pop music before Michael Jackson but Michael Jackson was the first that we ever saw that was a baby when he was on ABC cheesiest wanted to be was a little kid who's dancing around with his beautiful afro

and then we watched him become a grown man one of the biggest superstars in the world and we watched him go insane sure we knew anybody who got that much plastic surgery you know they're insane I know something's really wrong yeah so we all knew it so when the the sex accusations the pedophilia accusations happen of course everyone's going to want to tune in it's not like you know it's it's an a human Oddity as much as it is celebrity gossip agreed but what is it about jokes that really bother people more than a movie you know you could have a movie rape but a bunch joke you can get really graphically show the rape yeah everything the Holdings acted out in the movie and then you always hear these actors is later like it was pretty appalling I had to like cry in the trailer after and all that we're like alright you win an oscar but this guy in a nightclub talked about this rape he's he's evil

I don't know I'm not I don't tell you I'm not a big rape joke guy I'm just saying like it's weird to something about jokes are really crawls up people's sphincter and because it sounds one of the things is it sounds like you're just talking right if you if you are if you got a movie and in the movie you play some serial killer and you know they you know prepared the scene for you you're ready you're wearing the clothes they told you to where you're not doing the lines in the script we all know that we all agree this is a dramatic interpretation I don't know what you're doing when you're doing stand-up some people are just being doing satire right like some people are pretending to be racist to pretending to be a republican asshole right but then it's just a character we've is a bunch of guys do stuff like that or some people are you know some people are sarcastic some people are like Jeselnik they say the worst shit and it always hilarious I love them I love them too and what he's doing is he's that's not who he is these are

jokes yeah you know these he's not really lighting the Maternity Ward on fire it's just a name of a special right it's like so there's a bunch of different kinds of kind then there's other people that just fucking tell the truth man there's other people wouldn't they'll talk about all the weird shit in their personal life they'll talk about anything yeah and you go oh this is just a funny guy who's great at telling the truth so it's like when you say like they're jokes okay but everybody does a different ya know in the problem is it sound this is the real problem for people aren't stand-ups we're stand-ups it makes sense to us people are fans of stand up it makes sense to them but to regular folks were getting mad it seems like you're just talking yeah but why do we buy the Jeselnik but we don't buy the other guys it's culturally convenient hmm what do you mean well some guys are better at it aha some guys the writing is cleaner and sharper it's clear it's a joke yes is what you're not just clear that he's Preposterous over the line and I joke obviously

into joke land and he's obviously really smart like there's a thing that happens I think when someone is really good at writing jokes where they're they're giving it to you in a way that you were almost equally impressed with the efficiency of their use of language as you are with the funny in it you can see the art in it Jason X a combination of both right he's got the funny but he also has a very impressive way of setting things up but sure smart way of setting things up so you let him get away with more he's funnier I agree but I think there's something also to hiding the technique you know he's so technique is a technician he's precise he's great at it but I think something about the guy just being loosey-goosey yeah sure and you'll even see oh shit that was the punch I didn't see it coming no that's the thing is cool to know it's great to there's no better way you know there's Joey Diaz who I think is the funniest kind of server lived he's completely loose yes completely loose you know yeah and but he'll catch these waves well

can't believe a person is it possible for a person to be any funnier Just Hits Joey Diaz you ever seen a murder I've never seen him a lot oh my god dude you always say is the goat I'm like I want to see this go hits these waves where people just like shut the fuck up we're comics in the back of them were holding themselves I've seen everybody man I seen everybody Kill Ya never seen anybody stronger than Joey wow it's just these it's not like he's a Jeselnik typewriter where they're like if he does a special it's going to be so polish from the beginning to the end no he's trying to find himself in it but he's got seriously underrated joke riding a bull really his economy of words and he just says shit you don't see it comment and it hits you like a fucking brick yeah you like oh my God and you know that's what I love yeah I love but I'd love Jeselnik to I love I love Seinfeld so don't right I love all kinds of Comedy I love the fact that Hedberg had a completely different way of doing it then Santino does yeah

everybody's got their own thing I know it's it's a cool art yeah I loved it I loved it I'm in it I love that I'm getting paid to do it would you know I understand you know yeah he's super conversational yes like you almost think that he's just saying this for the first time he's talking to you like a friend like I can he's one of those guys where you're at the bar like Duke Duke come here you know he's a fucking moron right you know he's a guy yeah the guy you like so he is he's your brother but he's a fucking moron like he's a fucking moron and then he starts being funny right he's the guy that brings you in like how does have a drink yeah I wish I had more of that I'm I'm such a nervous nut that I'm I gotta have every word precise I'm how many years in are you I'm about 12 13 it well that's who you are then yeah yeah that's it and I'm okay with it I like it I'm figured it out it's a great way you know when you when you get it polished down you know it's like some of the most impressive stand up ever like one of my all-time favorites is Richard jeni he's a beast oh my God underrated as hell but but

he was talk about per se he always said I get five minutes a year maybe five good minutes of material here that's why kill himself I mean it's brutal yeah he was super precise he had hit a bunch of mental demons unfortunately yeah don't we all I ran into him on a plane once I was coming home from I think it was Austin I was doing the club and he had a corporate gig we just said I said hi to him a what's up Richard what's up man we're talking you know I was just like right behind him and he just seems so fucking bummed out man just think it's funny because a young comic here like you're bummed you're killed it you're one of the funniest guys who are you don't get it that they can also being successful in miserable well mental illness is just eating it just gets people the same way lung cancer gets people share the same way polio or you know something that you can catch he was just depressed man like severely depressed but yeah damn he was good I think it was because that was the only time he was ever having fun was when he was doing stand-up right man I didn't know the guy that well my own

it was casual with them a few times but I was a giant fan oh yeah I worked at Eastside Comedy Club when I was like I think I was probably 23 ish 24 is my first time making it to New York and I was doing Long Island and they told me that Richard jeni had been there that night or the that weekend and did two shows Friday to show Saturday each totally different kills me dude it was the hardest thing to hear yeah yeah I always hear that all this guide is for different hours as possible and how did he do it yeah they were in there everyone was in awe they were not there was a Joey Cola oh yeah he's funny guy he's a great guy he's like a long island Legend yeah he's a great guy we were talking about it we're like how the fuck does he do that Joey was a ahead of me he'd been doing stand-up longer than me had like you know more more time that he could do on stage but I just couldn't imagine ever coming to a point in my life where out of four could afford it

Fran hours mmm that's great and they said he murdered I believe it's just murdered do you have that the yo-yo is here Bill Hicks say that thing of like you know the material is what you fall back on when you're out of things to say which I don't I don't agree with I think the material is what you show up to do the people want to hear your point of view they don't hear but you know they might want to hear your rant a little bit in the beginning but do the act that was Hicks is style though he you know he had his own way his way was like he was trying to almost inject philosophy and to people while he was telling jokes yeah jokes were really smart here's obvious he's obviously a smart guy so that was his thing but I hear you you know the thing about him though is he didn't have podcasts right right he could have used one yeah he would have the greatest podcast ever and then a better stand up would have gotten better because he wouldn't have felt like he had to be so funny on stage for a so poignant yeah he would have felt like I'm just here to to do jokes during the podcast I get to talk about life right I'll talk

everything and I don't even have to be funny yeah I've had some bad Corey mentioned corporates did you do any no no I think the baby Jesus I did a gig at the seller this guy showed up and he goes I like your stuff you're edgy you're wrong come to my Country Club come roast my country club I was like oh great so he's like he gave me a sheet of like all his employees in all their dirt and he's like really Zing am really make it vicious they always say vicious and I show up and it's like Mercedes and you know Ben's is everywhere and Maseratis and I was like oh shit white tablecloths I go up and I do the mic tap hey everybody I'm gonna do some comedy and they go he's gonna roast everybody sit back he's got a cigar and a suit and I go hey Bill and Bill stands up when I go we all know you're on coke we've seen it in films like what his wife's like oh my God you're supposed to be clean and I'm like alright well that didn't go well and I'm like hey hey Jeff Jeff we all know you're cheating on your wife and she's like I knew it you know and the kids are crying and you know Rob we all know you're gay just come out

ready and this is all the shitty gave me and the place you know the place is in a brouhaha and I fucking the guy came back as a get the hell out of here so that was tough true story I would have imagined you would have double-checked I just used what he gave me this is all I knew seemed so ridiculous that guys and now did you ever communicate with him after he was Furious Furious that he was pissed at me like what happened I'm like what do we what happened I did the show you game you said be vicious Hey cuz he's like I thought you make it funny I'm like I just said the shit I made jokes but I still had the dirt it was bad try to do a couple you know jokes after about taxis and and peanut butter but it didn't fly nothing no they were they were just yelling at each other the whole thing was ruin a ruling party I got paid I had a fight with the guy really and it was a solid chick I might say a nice chunk of change but your corporate they don't they always say I've been fired from every gig when they say be edgy every time they don't know what edgy is

Edith us we're dead inside and you know this is you know abortion and miscarriage and AIDS and anal and queef and jizz but these guys they want you know maybe a Jew joke or something and she's one of those things where even though I might enjoy it by classical definition like what it actually is I never enjoy hearing someone say it's edgy know everyone says something's edgy I'm like you yeah it's not what my dad sounds like horse shit right look it's nonsense oh it's so edgy you gotta see him he's really edgy I don't want to see him now I'm not seeing anybody I'm not seeing anybody edgy yet that term is just a gross term well gee it sounds dorky it's rated R whoa this corny yeah edgy edgy means like you're like trying yes you're trying too hard exactly be cool I don't give a fuck he's edgy he's gonna I'm gonna make fun of everybody I'm talking shit all right I do like dark humor though don't get me wrong to I lost don't like that word

edgy just kills me same say makes me think of the worst yes like that that's just the shittiest right well they always say that's not that's a distasteful that's bad taste that's what they always say when I do edgy like no one called Richard Pryor edgy I mean I guess you could but nobody Judah like him would you how could you dare I wouldn't push her edgy right I really like could educate comedy Like Richard Pryor like get away from me to me that's just comedy that's what stand-up is is Richard Pryor exactly that's who he was right yeah he wasn't Steven right Steven Wright found his thing yeah you know that's the great thing about it is that it's like if you had a drug that has a bunch of different effects and it's all just drugged you go to the store to get it and you don't know what you're gonna get right all right you know I mean it's interesting we're drug we got today could be a Viagra could be birth control it could be speed like yeah we're going to get comedy okay what kind of Comedy going to go see

fucking whatever just took a laxative yeah I mean it could be anything yeah that's the biggest thing Guns and Roses it could be Barry Manilow right it could be anybody and a Sheena Easton has seems like they're never happy with what it is no me neither would you be if you went to see bands and you were like really in the AC/DC yes bunch of Fiona Apple clones but like enough wine are right I get it Sarah Mclaughlin you like puppies I get it just like that in apple she was good but I know what you mean great yeah still is I'm sure so Sarah Mclaughlin it's got a beautiful voice I got it you you know sometimes you want to hear the fucking kromaggs yeah yeah yeah Coldplay's lot of different be yes I get it I guess it's different styles yeah I did I got hired for but I shouldn't say the name but I got hired by this internet company pretty big one and I was supposed to online with Google no it was older couple letters three letters okay so I

I buy them to host their Halloween show I was the host like Bob Barker style bed suit skinny Mike and I were like be edgy so is hosting the Halloween costume we had a live audience judges the whole thing and I they're like be edgy we saw your act we like it like a great so I'm trying to be funny I'm getting some zing zang's and Catwoman walks on like a sexy cat woman I make fun of her pussy joke whatever you know it's going well you're trying to be funny it's not easy and then she's walking off in an African queen is walking on like she's like a big head dress black lady and I go hey watch that whip around the African and I swear to God the camera just went like the whole thing shut down for like the power went out I was like wow that was weird and they fired me right after you can't wait a minute if someone's wearing African Garb can't say the African I said watch the whip because Catwoman had a whip and she was passing her going off and she was coming on I thought it was a quick you know that's exactly man thanks I appreciate it but

didn't think so wow they fired me that was bad it was the worst day I was supposed to do all five days how funny is that I mean you would think that most people would just say well that clearly is a joke of course of course that's about as jokey-joke as you can get and in my dumb mind I was like oh I fucking nailed that one I thought so too quit was quick all right you were at this hour that would be you nailed it yeah right but I don't know what your dumb parameters are people just because you're in a you know your you own a company I don't know what you like yeah but the problem is you're doing corporates can't do it well I needed money to got it brother yeah got it I'll took any gig then yeah that Harlem I was in Connecticut I was Uptown downtown all around me I just do Bachelor parties of no microphone I did horrible jigs you gotta do what you gotta do that's brutal I don't couple I did a couple with no microphone kind of good for you though I look at it like writing like you want to be a good fighter I want to be able to Grapple I want to be able to get into a bar fight and when I also want to be able to

you know get a good enough playground fight you know and a boxing ring fight like you want it all just makes it up fighting mix it up mix it up yeah no for sure I think those gigs are good for you even the ones where you bomb just to just to wreck it also gives you a greater appreciation of the good shows and you might have more enthusiasm like if you go to a comedy club and you know the middle Act is already killing and you get out there and everything's great energy like you're cause so good yeah realize how good it is because you did a corporate gig right maybe you wouldn't appreciate those Club gigs of course less you had done the corporate get do you remember when you found you I remember where I was when I bomb for like three years straight when I started and I remember how I clicked I just came online and became who I am and it changed everything would you do I was at a show at called Mo pipkins that was the name of the bars on Avenue A and I was bombing I was doing my dumb horse shit observational and this guy started heckling me and I just after bombing and living in New York

work and having bedbugs and just being poor and sad and lonely and drunk I just snapped on this guy and it was killing and I was like being me I was calling this guy a piece of shit and like what's your life and I broke down his whole life and made him feel like an asshole and I left there like I felt like a an archangel I was like a Phoenix Rising it was amazing so you've realized that you can be yourself and if you are yourself you're even funny exactly I was in the Seinfeld a Paul Reiser shell and I clapped a crack that macadamia nut open it got there it was great that's beautiful I felt Ten Feet Tall I love hearing stories like but I still bomb constantly well you know if you take chances you're going to bomb of course if you write new jokes they're gonna they're gonna fall right do you live to New York yeah yeah I know that when I got I got way better they had to go way better I had to get way better I was coming from Boston New York and in Boston I had relied too much on like Regional humor and it was also there was too many

like bar gigs where you could kind of sustain yourself and guys did it for too long they didn't venture out into the rest of the country and so when I did go to New York I felt like first of all I'm 10 minutes of my material now is useless right gone like bits that were killing yeah he's to kill before W molecule of over yeah it does it does it was a trap for sure yeah but it works I had some serious bomb sessions and really bad sets and I had to like realize like okay I got a really really really go to work and look at this I can't just look at this casually right I gotta say why am I why am I so nervous when I go on stage like why don't I have a really good bit to start with right ease into it like let's look at all the problems that I've had an awkward at first he can't recover you know there's exactly yes so all those different things when you make when you have to move to a completely new environment you're forced to rethink how you do comedy because now you're around the Chicago guys yeah and maybe the Chicago girl

and guys do their stand up different yeah well maybe and you got you get around them and you say oh well these guys are this is another level you know and then you go to New York I was this is another level this yeah this is a higher level exactly and New York and LA or even different sure you know this is like different styles and like all of it is good for you you're exposed to different styles you're exposed to different audiences people who don't do the road like you can't do it you can't be a real comic if you don't travel exactly you could be like a niche weirdo but you got if you want to entertain the country or the world you gotta get out there a lot of those Niche weirdos from Boston or some of the greatest comics of all time that's true but it's not smart it's like the problem with then the world doesn't get to see ya and only the people around you get to see and you're missing out on a giant chunk of the people that you could have that could appreciate your work you could have these fans they would you would make them feel better or they would see you and laugh at your missing all that and this and all that

as you're not making the right steps yeah it's actually kind of closed-minded I just it's convenient sometimes guys get married they have kids you know and they get stuck there in the school they don't want to go they don't want to go on the road every weekend you know it's like it's too much you know yeah but you lived in New York when you moved there to do you have money no yeah okay I lived all right it was real bad I was actually staying with my grandfather who was living in Newark New Jersey North Ninth Street right next to a guy who got his door broken down for selling crack sounds good Kody parked in his driveway chatter yeah my grandfather was there in bought a house I think he bought a house in like the 40s and somewhere later like in the 50s the 60s they did this thing called blockbusting where they would say that haaaa I think that was a storm oh sorry they would say that like hey a black person's moving into your neighborhood black people going to move into your neighborhood and it's going to drop your property

you see you got to sell now before this happens and a lot of people panicked yeah just sold their houses my grandfather was like I like black people I'm staying right here he just he just never moved Bad Business he was just like he's like this is my fucking house yeah this is where I live and he and he was there and it turned from this all Italian neighborhood to it was a black neighborhood for a while and then it became right now or when I lived there rather it was more of like a Latino immigrant Community there was a lot of Spanish-speaking people hear all sorts of different countries when needed I didn't do a survey and find out what country they're all from do you think black people go shit the Latinos are moving in like do you think they get upset about that like you know blockbusting with you know Latins I think it's all about where people can move where they could survive cheap if it's got to be cheap that's my artist go there to artists of the lowest rung of everything yeah yeah broke us and least we can't do anything at least like black people and Latino

I have like some skills without one skill and it's painting or some shit yeah or telling jokes it was always like a Badge of Courage for guys who lived in Alphabet City like wow yeah that's real what do they say oh a is her no Diaz death see is God I don't know cool it and because yeah I can be was you know be careful and a was anal I don't know it was something that whole area was if you knew a guy who lived there he probably wore he probably wore those what are those fucking boots Doc Martens oh yeah what's that in Berlin no he was a Doc Martens guy if you're a white guy you lived in Alphabet City you were like a tortured fan of the Creeps right here right up and the creep here I think that band had such a cool logo that a bunch of people just signed on to become fans just because they like that creepy weird you know I'm a greenish kind of Droopy weird fellow like music for bad people remember that uh it was a good t-shirt I remember

dated a gal who go to those shows and she would mosh and she'd come back with headaches damn she jump and busy and said ya Punk to the Head fucking mosh pit at some punk rock show at The Rathskeller yeah I moved to New York with $400 and I got bedbugs the first year landlord died of AIDS whoa and I got mugged three times in the first year oh my God it was hell man now didn't like what knifepoint gunpoint well it was mostly my fault I'm victim-blaming here but I was always such a blackout drunk that I was just like asking to be mugged I would fall asleep and wake up and guys were going through my shit what time I fell asleep on Hell's Kitchen member the bar Rudy's not only you got a free hot dog with every beer so it was a it was a hot spot but I remember being so drunk they threw me out and I was walking down 9th Avenue and I was like I just got to lay down for a minute I'm so tired because I had to go what do you have that Hall to Brooklyn on the subway that would take 2-3 hours sometimes really oh yeah that it for them

yeah two three hours because the trains change and they never show up and you know and then the garbage train comes and takes for and I live in Crown Heights man which is like way out so I fell asleep in this little alcove and I woke up in four or five guys are going through my shit they're blockbusting and I'm like oh shit and I was like what and he goes he's getting up and he hit me I went out again and they took my keys my phone my joke book I mean a my wallet and starting from scratch with no money you gotta buy a somehow get a metro card but you have no wallet to get the metric are you got no Greek credit card to get the wallet I mean it's brutal how'd you get by would you do I just had to walk home which took forever and then I think I jumped the turnstiles got home and then you know you find your roommate you call your mom and she helps you wow I fell asleep oh this is a crazy story I fell asleep on the subway I went like four stops passed mine on in Brooklyn I got out and I was like I'll walk it it's a nice night I see Five Guys in the corner run out of stunts

casting Shootin dice thugged-out guys on the corner drinking 40s and I go out I'm gonna cross the street these guys look a little shady and I walk across the street and now an older guys coming to our white beard big older black guy and he gets up to me and I had an old iPod he goes give me that radio and I go it's not a radio that thinking that would like you know turn them away and he goes just give it to me I got I don't think so and he grabs that it so I grabbed a tit now we're tugging and he picks me up and he slammed me against a business like you know in the metal gate closes them pow pow and I'm kicking them on punching him and I can't I think it was on PCP or something and before I know what those Five Guys run over and just beat the shit out of them I'm talking he hits the ground to kick him in the face and I'm just like I grab my iPod and I get out of there so those five guys helped you they saved my life yeah holy shit II talked to a cop about it like a month later he was like oh those were drug dealers and they can't have some white kid getting killed your name in the neighborhood so they had to make a choice

like wow thank God for drugs you can't judge I totally judge those guys when it like a local mafia they take care of their block exactly I mean that's what the mob always did the one thing that people liked that lived in communities that were run by the mob is that they kind of kept an order right yeah it was terrible order if you've fell foul to them you know yeah you know you had an issue with them yeah didn't like the they always said that the mob when the mob ran Vegas like old ladies are they say that it was beautiful that Mom yeah my brand Vegas it was classy you hear that buddy Cianci he was like the the Providence mayor and he was like a big big mob guy but everything was clean and well well run but he was also whacking people in the back of a butcher store so you get the good with the bad it's like Al Capone he's shown up with a turkey on Thanksgiving but then he's killing your uncle for not paying the bills yeah yeah yeah that was the thing about John Gotti and Crown Heights right he would light the fireworks

was it Crown Heights is that where he lived I don't know some places in Brooklyn was it Bensonhurst maybe events that was very Italian she wherever was where God he would have this enormous fireworks celebration every year and everybody knew that the Godfather put on this fireworks celebration it was like his peacock feathers would flare once a year right and you know they all like appreciated them and they'd come to give him respect and you know they have this open display of the mafia yeah form of fireworks aha that's great and everybody knew it was it was a weird thing like everybody knew that he was putting it on wow very strange very strange and then they're in with the cops to so that's weird you feel very safe but it's also scary I don't know it's dangerous the different kind of order too much murder yeah the the law version is fucked up and you know people go to jail for things that they didn't do and there's a lot of real problems yeah with the law but but it's better than the mom yeah

I guess so it's better it's way better yeah it's got issues but it's based on the idea that we're all equal and then we all equal rights and the laws are supposed to protect us from people committing crimes to us and stealing from us imagine of a mob guy knocked on your warehouse and was like Hey you gotta pay up exactly would that be correct when would you do hire more seals you got seals here yeah that's what those guys are yeah I don't I'm not paying anybody man I don't know but then now you're in you're in the bed spot yeah you don't want to be in the bad spot yeah so it's a tough Gamble and they just thinking about you're laying in bed at night you hear you hear somebody tap it on your door and you're like fuck and then I start taunting you then your life is ruined then they fuck with your wife who don't know going on yep that's how they get people to pay yeah yeah now the couple of get scared now they call it unions oh boy saying sorry sorry some unions are legitimate sir you're obviously on the couch you drank too much of that Buffalo Trace Whiskey sir gotta get over on the hooch boy you got big mitts look at the size of those

ends Jesus you could choke a man wow all right sorry I bet the coffee's I'm on the moon here it's tough no joke it's not it's not for the timid heart I gotta get the Buffalo and me just to even out hmm long night it's not Laird Hamilton coffee son who he's a he's a hunk he's a hunk of a man him and his wife when you love to watch them fuck you know what Patrick Pat from The Black Keys yes I would you to the Black Keys on they would have I mean what genetics our hearts even Larry David's kids are hot and he's a troll you know I mean I love him he's my hero but her jeans just took over they picked up the weight the wife Jean yeah the wife to wife is beautiful yeah so the wife Jean just picked up the extra weight like we got it we got it don't worry are you glad that women find funny what would we do if you know your problem your of a wildebeest I'ma bleep you know like real problem yeah we'd be fucked thank God women can see past looks I know

I mean imagine if we would have to we had wear makeup oh gotta kill myself like I was watching a lady this morning in the car I was ahead of my kid had a little thing at work at school one of those little one of those things called well they mascara no they don't get on stage and the you'll simply of salmon thank you God why could I come up with a assembly I was just at 1:00 this morning are you get anyway I'm looking at this ham I'm looking at this lady in traffic and she's applying base on her face and she's doing this all while she's like in between traffic stop believable they hit the red light and immediately their put in there.put in ther mask yeah darling it up such a weird thing to want to do yeah I feel bad for women for but then I also hate when they blame men for that you know they go in a man's world I Gotta Wear the makeup like no you don't have to but you can also be considered less attractive like it's a give and take here how much less listen man if there's something hot about a girl not wearing makeup sure

you gotta have a nice face to get I mean realistically you can't just not have something like the Dali Lama well let's hear what happened with you know what happened it is oh yeah they were talking to him about would there ever be a female Dali Lama yes but must be good-looking I'm not saying that Italy it was like what and yeah nobody wants to see this face it makes like this ugly face well he's no Peach himself but I'm saying biology is the ultimate misogynist sure when you really break it down you know women get they got to get pregnant before this age and they also want to have a career but they want to get they got not they want to get knocked up but then the tits and the boobs and the butt and the waste it sucks and some women want a career simply because they want to show everybody that they're not inferior to men yeah that's weird yeah what's like societies Trek not I'm not saying trick them but trapped them and the situation where not only do they have to have the babies yeah they have to be they have to create humans and on top

that they have to compete with men and show that they can write so I say I always find that the women who are mothers but are also like corporate people they're like insanely competitive yes you're like like a Gabrielle Reece like if she went that way if she went the Corporate Way she'd be insanely capacitor which is why she's his killer volleyball playing right right and you know like I really feel like that's a that's a really new thing for humans yeah when what year was it I'm not that it's not that it's bad because it's great that women have the option to do whatever they want yeah but what I'm saying is just historically how recent is it because it seems like it's only within the last hundred years that women have had like this sort of kind of career like working alongside men yeah and business in the boardrooms and making these decisions and being CEOs of companies which is great if you're getting you want to do that and if you're good at it you still have to be good at I hate all like we gotta put a woman in

well if she sucks right what a woman who's good there are women who are good at it it's insulting and condescending to Caputo Vernon you know we want to have a good quota put it at one end conversation like that with my friend she has a TV show and she was talking about wanting to hire a diverse cast of writers and I was like long as they're good yeah that's number one that's the one should be are they good exactly like well I just want it to look a certain way I don't want it to be all white men I'm like okay you got one shot at this right you're gonna do a stand-up so you got one shot at this you got to put your blinders on and just say who is the funniest isn't it what are the what group this is It's a meritocracy trying to make it funny shot Dr C Welton Gaddy if you don't think that someone can be funny but right for women that you might be right there I agree with that I agree with that that's what the UFC is great you just let it go just don't touch it and it's fucking you got a Russian guy you got an African guy got a Swedish guy you got a German guy and Irish guy no one's going oh there's not enough black people oh thank God Silva's here thank God it's over here no he's just good

right you know and then you got the good women to you got the cyborgs and the whatnots and the Rousey's it just let it happen let it be good at your work itself out yeah that's fighting is the ultimate meritocracy right yeah completely which is why it's so popular yeah I think it's just this is little bullshit and it is pot there's bad decisions and there's any errors and stuff like that I pokes right overall it's like the least bullshit abby'll get all sports I think it goes back to the blending the shit your daughter's watching because it's just bait we want base it work Raven basic shit and just and I know basically I can insult now which is ironic but it's like we just want give me the core we got so much dogshit our Sushi has mayonnaise on it now when the fuck are we doing the best sushi just the simple roll give me a BJ don't put you know don't get me a reach-around just go with the shit that works don't put hot sauce in my day yeah whatever that is or the fucking certain that whatever they eat to the mint it's good don't bro don't break

is it don't fix what's ain't broke yeah that would be the most ridiculous porn series ever hot ones with where they just put different kind of hot sauce on dudes dicks and hums girls are crying and snot coming out of their nose and their blowing guys who have liked Dave's red hot yeah that wouldn't be built there drinking though like what is the one that there's this what's the most ridiculous ones they always have on the hot ones show the last dab it's the last dab that was called yeah there's one that you like Ari got me some of the shit that has a skull and crossbones on it and I'm telling you I have a bowl of like chicken noodle soup and you put a fucking drop yeah just flip and you eating one tiny little drop also dumb for those salesman you're never going to sell a bottle but you are you're wrong who's gonna buy a Bible drop goes a long way people some people can do it man we can't do it but some people can do it I don't get it these to get these guys that would come from Nepal to this chili there's a place called chili my soul in Encino and it was crazy how hot this

I would make is chilly I am fucking insane he had different levels like level 1 level 2 I forget what the number system was but he had this one level that was so fucking insanely hot he would let you try it but they would give you a tiny little paper cup like this is all you get your tongue would go numb couldn't stop sneezing a fun well he told me these guys from Nepal came in eight that and were pouring more hot sauce on top of it Jesus I was like there's no way he goes I'm telling you they just have a different thing yeah there's system is set up differently they can just eat it when you can I love Hot Sauce you know I'm from New Orleans you know we grew up on that shit but I don't I don't get the painful stuff yeah it seems It's almost like a risk fun thing like jumping out of a plane or something I feel like some people don't feel things the same way oh well that's for sure yeah for sure right it has to be yeah like like you know people have different tastes in art like some things that I think are garbage are the people willing to pay thousands of dollars for like this is amazing you know there's things that

they they resonate with some people but other people the other people think they're trash yeah but I think a lot of that is BS they just want their friends to think they know they want to see the culture but I see what you're saying but I think there's a lot of art that's just about the image yeah there's a little bit of that okay but what about music then like thinking about the radical differences between jazz and say hip-hop like there's definite devotees for both Jazz and Hip-Hop and they can't be more mutually more different yeah I like both yeah I like both to but they're so fucking different yeah like some people would love one and hate the other totally totally my dad that's like it just a taste like appreciation for things but is there that much variation in taste buds mmm because they're my so there must because there's things I love that other people think are disgusting well they say you eat you taste what your mom is eating as a fetus like that's the first introduction to like you know preference hmm and I think that has a lot to do with my friend from

Whitman Mass Joe list we have a podcast together I know that guy yeah you know Joe he eats like a nine-year-old he's like hot dogs and ice cream and burgers and you know Fried Chicken now he's introduced pussy but he's eating eat and I love zucchini I love avocado I love weird shit I want I want to all of it I want to I want Indian food I want Mexican and hot sauce and all that but he's like that's crazy that's that's too much and I'm like how can you and he just grew up with pizza and birthday cake and chips where's my mom is a foodie cunt so she had all kinds of weird stews going and I mean my mom would cook I think she's like a depression-era whore cause she would have like a fridge with like a chicken bones and a box of cream and she would make something that's hilarious oh yeah yeah I'm the same man I'd love different kinds of food I love Indian food Man Indian but on Indian food kick lately Thai food love to

is the best Asian I think I think so too food and people whoa just yeah well if you're been tie yeah darling I've been to China super nice people tie Thailand's like the nicest people you're ever going to encounter strange obviously everybody's so friendly best-looking Asian to I think they look pretty hot yeah yeah but you might you know you might be catching the wrong gender oh that's a deal about gender is a construct it is and there's the best proof of it good point they also figured out the best way to kick people in the legs Thai boxing interesting elbows the best elbows knees and leg kicks is that tie that's time I thought Brazilian had a time-honored we time yeah my time of course the Brazilians his Jiu-Jitsu I figured they'd the Brazilians figured out Jiu-Jitsu in the ties figured I'll kick boxing what about crop but God's that any good sure ya hear much about crime well it's a combination it's a self-defense system the the believe it was created for the Israeli military

Terry but what is essentially is the best aspects of all these different martial arts like a Jeet Kune do-- like a Jewish Jeet Kune do-- and Bruce Lee's idea of Jeet Kune do-- is like you take what's useful from whatever martial art and combine them with Krav Maga is that there's some of them you know some are more striking base some are more grappling based in terms of what they teach in their classes but it's essentially a combination of striking arts and grappling Arts Omaha Jiu-Jitsu techniques along with karate techniques Muay Thai techniques so they do they do real martial arts it's like yeah you you see a Krav Maga expert like the you oh well that guy is a real martial artist okay it's not like watching the some of those kongfu people to do wacky shit I really like I don't think that's real just noises you're just touching the girl in the chest the guys falling down what they're doing is real stuff so that's just they just combined it isn't it funny how the Jews really flipped when they got to America you gotta Israel and it's like chiseled tan tall

full had a silky hair hot lady and then in America just like diners and Banks what happened what do you think I don't know allergies and you know stuff like that and crazy moms well I don't know anything about the Jewish lineage the genetic lineage but I would imagine this difference between the European Jews and the Israeli guy but it's I some about America look at African-American black or African black and then African-Americans very different mmm you know I think it's some American General yeah it's America I think you do you can do it with almost every group like Italian Italian the food's different here yes spaghetti and meatballs you think that's a time that doesn't even exist over there act like yeah exactly yeah their Pizza is not like our shitty triangular mess yeah you know yeah their food is very fish oriented very light the meals are like these long experiences we sit down for multiple courses all right right we got all kinds of we got Olive Garden that's what that's what we did do it breadsticks well I think that's probably the price

pay for being competitive right yes if you go to Italy they don't have a lot of Industry most that mean when you go to the touristy places of course it's all tourist but you got to think what chunk of their economies based on people visiting Italy it must be enormous yeah it's got to be who I mean I've been there to see the Coliseum yeah it's kind of be an enormous sum of money oh yeah you have to be like I would say it's probably like 50 percent of their economy or something crazy rights people visiting them big on the cat calling over there there's this country is a real big oh yeah they go hard in the paint yeah but this cultural this country is like frantic we're like the most frantic ants at the center of the college money money business big corporate corporate corporate chains specially somewhere like New York right on top of each other yeah I mean I saw a little bit of the real New York and now it's just pink berries Duane reade's and Chase Bank it's crazy I saw a little but that's also when I was getting robbed you know everything in this this

theme to this episode and it's the it's the good and the bad there's a balance you get mugged and you get spit on you get cat call but then you get the Pinkberry to to freelanders been there forever and he told me that when he first moved there it was like all artists yeah and he said now it's all Bankers yeah it's like it's so weird how it happened it's cookie guys rolling through downtown and Lamborghinis yeah there's a lot of that now so we're it's very odd and like neighborhood you go to before had like this cool dive bar and now it's his wacky condo that's all glass and futuristic and you're like what the fuck is this one of this pop-up yeah I bought a moped I love this thing I'm zipping all over Manhattan I don't know why more people aren't buying mopeds in New York I mean it's perfect for Manhattan Manhattan has 14 miles long 2 miles wide it's just moped City and I'm seeing I'm the only guy out there I feel like I beat the system I'm jumping from spotted six sets the other night just jumping around are moving yeah it's the best you park it right on the sidewalk put a lock on it you're running run out no parking no tickets no garage

is to worry about getting hit I do but you know you gotta live man I guess I'm just living he's just living yeah I'm in the I'm going through red lights in the bike lane I mean the real Lane I'm all over the road I got a podcast in my ear I'm listening to you know Jim Jefferies or something while I'm zipping around Malcolm Gladwell you name it and it's great I forgot my point to have a helmet on now I gotta get a helmet Jesus bro well come on use the helmet his hair you don't flatten that beautiful beautiful thank you thank you don't have to wear a helmet in New York okay I see cops I peel off I go off to the left yeah do it legally yeah but I'm getting around man I get more material worked out than ever before and you know this the city is so beautiful like I'm seeing like oh my God Times Square at night then you turn off like oh I'm on Fifth Avenue and then you're like there's Grand Central and those there's Alphabet City there's the West Village there's the arch in Washington Square Park it's so pretty and I got the wind in my hair and it's fall and I love this thing man I highly recommend getting a moped and you go to it

Li you want to roam everybody's on a moped yeah why are we doing it and I'm not I don't want them do what I feel like I got in early so are you the only one on a moped the only comic moped do you see other people on mopeds you give each other and not just me and Chinese delivery drivers to give a week in an odd they don't know my time my people and they don't care they're just zipping along with their noodles and moving on they don't care about me do they have door - in New York they must but I don't know what that is everywhere but they might think you call the restaurant oh yeah sure you get it off your app everybody does that shit you cannot amazing on Saturday all the hangover people getting their delivery what a genius idea because everybody before was trying to figure out like God why don't they deliver I wish they'd deliver and now a company said we'll do it McDonald's delivers wow it's cookie Manning's Arnold's we delivers everything is delivery how lazy do you have to be kidding I feel like if you're gonna torture your body with McDonald's the very least you should get out of the house and I agree I agree that to learn it that's the peak of

Venus Jamie say nope get it delivered on time you have enough time it's all about side time yeah like right on your way home like order it it can meet you there almost you got a point like time spent a half an hour in line to half an hour and traffic here fucking yeah it's good point kooky to think about when our parents were kids how much time they spent on just getting somewhere or just writing a letter and then going to mail the other buying the stamp and then going to the phones we can knock all that shit out with click one email yeah also think about all the time you've accumulated just from not doing that one thing let alone ubering and flights may be used to call the travel agency now you can just Boop I got a nap I got a Delta app whoa It's a man that's that's so many minutes counting over and over through your whole life so we can do pods we can do comedy we can do martial art we can go to the gym before people did one thing you Jack the lane you know he was just a workout guy that was it now you're a fucking Renaissance guy you're all over the road you got

hobbies and two kids you're living three kids three weeks sorry shit I thought one died but you know you're on the road as well I mean we can do so much more because of all the time yeah it's pretty amazing you can get a shirt I like that shirt but once at my house tomorrow one-click Amazon it's amazing we got a credible and a good time except for all the complaining it's funny how you complain more when things are going great the better things are more people complain I think the problem is more people have access to something that can broadcast broadcast their complaint that's what it is are share not just that more people complain and ever before I think you go to some poor town in India I think they're even when they show the African kids with the distended belly none of them are going this sucks I hate it here they're still just said they're not complaining you know an Indian typing I think they're happier than we are ironically I just think it's a broadcast issue I don't I think it's that social media that we don't think it hurts it I think it is with you that's that's where the signals coming from otherwise you would just be these whiny people have always existed we

didn't encounter them as sure but I think the more I'm so I think we're arguing different point I'm saying the more you have the more you complain yes like who's gonna complain more the poor family out to dinner at the shitty restaurant or the rich cunt at the nice restaurant who goes up my dom p is is warm it's room temperature she's got more so she got more to complain about where's the other family just happy to be out at you know Sizzler yeah that is definitely true yeah we agree on that but the that access to complain and now we can hear about it like Dave Chappelle said after his white supremacist sketch that he did you know with the blind guy mmm he said he got bags and bags of letters about how this is wrong and racist and offensive and you should be ashamed of yourself bags of letters and you're like oh we didn't even know about that because it you just didn't that didn't come up now would be just a million tweets yes pre-twitter so well you know it's like levels of outrage and ambition to get your point across how much ambition do you have do you really write that letter get it in an envelope get the

up find his address send it to them hope he reads it you wrote it all out by hand really yeah most people aren't but those are also the people that probably would obsessively tweet Mark Normand you fucking piece of shit this is not how you form a joke I got this today this is hate this is violent right and they'll just keep hitting you with like 30 40 of them right that's the same level of ambition and drive that causes someone to write a letter to Dave Charelle right 15 years ago and today they'll just storm tweet you yeah like this tweet storm of ten different Angry you know messages to you in a row and those tweets hurt only people realize they sting they just go you're evil and you'll even know me that's crazy what how cruel are you like you're a bad person I know you think you're a hero but you're a douche you're the problem you should be yelled at I just tried to make a juggie like well your joke hurt people yeah but I wasn't trying to hurt people you're trying to hurt me isn't that worse I have no intent on hurting anyone I just trying to

funny right I don't get and like then we reward these twats like what are we doing and that's all they're doing it for their just doing it for that weird mole because they have nothing going on they just want to Pat themselves on the back and also if you hate my joke go hate it tell your friends why do you have to publicly hate it that's when I think it's fishy that's when I go so you just want the recognition that you hate it that shows your moral superiority you're not actually trying to save the world you don't care about Injustice you just want to let other people know that you're on the right side or quote unquote right side thus earning a lot of that going on there's also a lot of people that just they just get offended and that's okay and but they want you to know they want you to know that they're offended yeah they feel like they don't even ask what social media is for sometimes don't even at you they just go I'm pissed at this guy and who's with me and all that and you're like well talk to me just to tell me how you feel I'll work it out I know I didn't mean to hurt you why are you telling everyone else why does it have to be public that

that's where I raised maybe they couldn't figure out a way to get a hold of you privately

oh are you mean we got thirsty but even that did some was just complaining you twat privately you're going to go back and forth of this one person I'm one show I used to yeah and I gave it up because it's a volume issue right right you can't there's two in the people that are more apt to complain or also more apt to be annoying it's possible yeah it's like see that the numbers go up at least in terms of percentages it's a tool that's what it is it is this new broadcast tool their tools and that's who and people are using it irresponsibly right and you know I think anybody using it to attack people I mean unless there's someone that really fucking deserves it like they're doing something that's threatening democracy source of corridor some health and life yeah so they're doxing people that you know you want everybody to know hey we've got a criminal amongst us right right not this just too much hate its to it's it's a bandwidth issue for you as a human being I think you're right I was explaining this to a friend talking about negative stuff

I was like if you spend if you let's say your brain has 100 points of whatever the fuck it is that that comprises your bandwidth if you think about something negative that you could avoid you have 10 points that are now dedicated to the stupid yeah it's bouncing around your head now you only have 90 points grow things you love exact maybe there's a few other things and then maybe you go on Twitter and you start arguing with people now it's 80% of your fucking bandwidth I know but if you avoid then you start thinking am I a bitch for not standing up for myself or be am I out of the site should I be a little bit in the Zeitgeist and keep up with a few things in my Mi out to lunch too much am I out of touch both valid points so then you got that to worry about yeah but I just think it's I don't know it's kind of gross like the like that's why I like Andrew Yang I'm voting for Yang all day yeah because he got he got in I don't to bring up the whole SNL thing because that's been done to death but he emailed the guy or tweeted the guy and said hey let's talk like I don't like what you did but

it's a teachable moment or whatever and we can let's see if you're a really a bad guy and I think that's the woke has thing of all instead of just going fuck this guy I'll kill him yeah the walk is thing is for the Asian guy to reach out and have a conversation yeah and he seems like a very sincere guy I've had them on the podcast and I talked to him and Drew Yang is a big exam very intelligent guy and gay um but you know people would be suspicious like is he doing that attention I guess there's always going to be that well I'm what-do-you-call-it naive don't worry you're optimistic I'm just looking at think I'm not saying that I would think he was but I did hear something find find out this is true Andrew Yang say that he the solution like someone one of the things to stop getting people to eat meat is to tax it so high and make it so expensive they don't want it anymore oh no I just I can't believe that he really said that it was one of those things in a Twitter tweet and I looked at it on somebody else's pee I just out of nowhere so

items like I don't want to look into this oh no let me let me let me run later yea no listen I enjoyed the shit out talking that guy and I think he's right about Universal basic income I think we're going to run into a time where so many jobs were moved so quickly that you know people are going to be in a bad place and I think that if there was something that you know could give them enough money for food and shelter and Necessities so you could tide them over while they're looking for employment or try to change their life I think I'd be good for everybody yeah here here I hear the arguments against the to though I'm not you know yeah people say it kills people's motivation rather's that and then it did they don't have purpose and have Mia's getting free money my sister this live out I can't watch the video it says is this going in the eggs pitched a lot and says government needs to Target cattle modify Americans diet eat less weird I don't want you to tell me what to eat here's the thing you can't say that because there's people that would mean he's gonna wreck Spirits this there's a whole group online called defending beef that

talks about ranchers and the way people look at the cattle industry and that a lot of it has been sort of distorted and one cow feeds a lot of fucking people sharing a lot of fucking people from one cow yeah it's one death I don't know if people consider like a cow to be a better life than a mouse yeah I have some your the whole buffaloes one thing if the cow is supposed to have more important life than a mouse but if you're buying grain I can guarantee you that there is mice that have died in the procuring of that grain we run that combine over those fields all kinds of shit gets fucking chopped up in them a lot of things die animals get displaced pesticides kill them when you see buzzards flying over fields after they cut the crops down that's because there's dead animals all in there oh yeah a lot of them you know that's just that's a fact you know and if this idea that the way to stop

people from killing is to make it to try to alter the American diet get him to stop eating meat like it's just it's not sustainable to look at it this way we're looking at a dishonest way he doesn't know all the facts right it doesn't all the facts in terms of like nutrition value there's way more nutrition value in steak especially grass-fed steak sure then almost specially for the way your body digests proteins and enzymes like this idea that a plant-based diet is all you need to go by and that we all need to move on to that that is not right for everybody I agree it's not neither is a meat-eating die that's not right for everybody that's some people are better off with Just Fish some people are better off there's a lot of people that are vegetarians they're fine oh yeah but for him to say that for the whole country you're wrong yeah that's kooky and there's people that are there there ranchers they've been cattle ranches forever people buy their meat they know what's happening they it's not like they're confused they don't they

no the cows going to die and then they're going to eat it and everybody agrees that this is acceptable in this is a part of being a human and this is the cycle of Life yeah now you don't have to agree with that but for you to say you're going to change the entire American diet well that's nonsense you ain't changing shit no no you're not changing shit I don't know if that's exactly how he said it I don't think I'm reading it I can't hear what he said but I don't forget roped into propaganda yeah that's scary and they I thought he was against propaganda that's why I like he's like a computer you know but I think you say it about the environment this is a big one this is really big because they're always talking about the cattle industry and it's affecting the environment parting there's a there's a fucking chart on show that Sean Baker's page dr. Shaun Baker the guy was the carnivore Advocate but it's a statistic shows like in a pie chart how much of the methane that's produced and how much of the effect of the environment is because of the ranching and cattle industry it's just tiny little sliver oh really slippery how they act like it's putting a whole nose own layer it's fucking pollution man

oh attrition at the factory is couch trucks and cars about the ozone layer I think for the don't know if this is right not a scientist that it's getting smaller for the first time in years like far from cow farts cow farts are healing it smaller is good I just don't like a guy who thinks he's going to fix the diet of everyone you might what you have you had any need debates with people who are pro carnivore or Pro omnivorous diet people that have changed their health because they started eating organ meats and they I mean there's a guy named Chris Kresser of had him on my show a couple of times and he's he explains like what goes wrong with a vegetable-based diet with a vegan diet with some people yeah some people have these nutritional deficiencies and it leads itself to chronic illness and he had happened with him and he explains it and it doesn't mean that you can't live on a vegetable diet the problem is people get cultish with this shit and they jump on you know they want you to think only the way they do and they have

qu in their their way of giving the problem that the vegans want you to think that they're doing right and they're causing no harm well unless you're growing your own fucking vegetables in your own little organic backyard you definitely causing some harm it's just are you causing less animal harmful that's debatable what about insects you can insects because they're getting smashed and crushed if you're getting they do large-scale grain operations yeah yeah well we do it all day long but it could you imagine what it took me away we'd have like meat speakeasies and shit where we'd have to like hide meet there you know in certain schools really yeah they're doing cool Schools they're giving kids meatless meals fucking terrible for them really yeah for developing kids look it's not food was never a notch it's all dog shit yeah but they need some animal protein most kids do when they're growing up I mean this is one of the reasons why vegans have been arrested for having malnourished babies that right yeah you never heard of that no I don't read really common wow Egan's get arrested for having malnourished babies it's been in the news mr.

times huh many different versions of it's terrifying it's like you're not getting enough nutrients I grew up a lot of shellfish and I've noticed a lot of my New York friends can't eat shellfish yeah it's real common yeah we're coming home but I so good imagine not having shrimp I know that's kooky I would have to kill myself we found out in fear factor that if you're allergic to allergic to shellfish you all your also allergic to roaches what yeah I grew up with both of those there you go not eating wrote but we had a shitty house we had an episode of Fear Factor we serve these people Madagascar hissing cockroaches and stress throat started closing up just seeing its know just being around at 108 110 call the EMT and I think they shoot you up with adrenaline think wow yeah we had did you have roaches in your house as a kid oh yeah me too and they would fly remember that remember that might be New Orleans thing I bet he grew up yeah keep in New Orleans I grew up in the heart of New Orleans Treme wasn't in my neighborhood Theo Von was like more sticks outside of it but I was

I was in the city and it was terrifying it was a rough-and-tumble city when I was there yeah my dad got a wild hair up his ass and bought a mansion a dilapidated mansion in a poor black neighborhood and you know like no running water for a while he turned the back half into a bed and breakfast because we ran out of money it was a it was a great we got robbed all the time because we were the white family in the neighborhood and everybody thought we had money because of our big house so we got robbed constantly I walked in on a couple of robberies as a kid about my alarm would go off at like 2:00 in the morning is like an eight-year-old that's you just know there's a guy in your living room scrapping around oh wow it was banana think that's why I'm so squirrelly because that really fucked with me well for sure my bike got stolen all the time from under me I had a transvestite Nanny well growing up name Enos I know this sounds crazy but they don't use that word anymore was that transvestite well he would he wasn't trans he just had women's clothing on right mrs. Doubtfire right but like they don't was last time you saw someone even refer to things that way what is it

drag queen I don't know what you would call it now I mean it's like either you're trans you're trans gender or you non-binary what are you he was a dude who was a big black dude right he looked like Ving Rhames but he would wear high heels and a wig yeah and he would sweep the house so was he trans he held you say dick I don't say trans and then it has its all-inclusive transvestite and transgender I guess why not right yeah but that's a big umbrella I think they've abandoned transvestite but it has a meaning it's the clothing it - but I don't know what is is it out look Ty transvestitism comes up on Wikipedia when I love that we get is change three letters or else you're going to jail transvestitism control these this language salt control well it's certainly a big part of it compliance is a big part of what's going on people get mad flying want you to comply call it compassion yeah and I okay crossdresser whatever where's the compassion of the guy lost sorry for getting lost in the weeds so you

so I had a transgender transvestite Nanny and he taught me everything he taught me how to fight and put the seat up and like go on a date with a girl and how to do this with a car yeah because my parents were always working because the house was so big they had to afford it then so ridiculous it was crazy man we had we had roaches and mice and we remember we didn't have lights in the house we had those like mechanic lamps and your room that's how you feeling yeah like had her light in your room it was a weird way to grow up but then the back half was Serene it was like a bed and breakfast and we had traveling musicians and like A's and Asian businessmen coming in I tried to pitch this as a show and everybody's like this is too dark and nobody would take it but the racial tension was insane and how many times you guys think you got robbed I mean you get robbed real good like six times a year whoa oh yeah oh yeah and you guys stayed yeah how about this so Venus was like my male role model you know there's big black guy in a wig and one time I was riding home from summer camp and you know these three Street

Tufts you know we're putting you know coming up next to me three of them like hey mang let us try your bike and I was like I'm good you know I knew what they wanted and I was like I'm good no thank you and they're like come on they're doing their back tire or their front tire against my back you know that move starting to Skid me out a little bit so I go alright alright and these kids are 17 I'm probably like 13 and they're like all right let me just try it so I remember I kept my hand on the handle and he got on it and he's like he just brushed my hand away and just went chick yeah and rode off and I was like God so I ran home crying and I got there and he's like what happened I'm like a couple kids took my bike and it was like the fourth time so he's like fuck that get in the van I'm like I'm good you know I'm so defeated you know I'm so it's so emasculating you feel like a bitch so I was like I'm good he's a get in the van we had a big van and we're driving around the neighborhood looking for my bike I don't want to see these guys again I just want to let it go and he's like we're gonna find that by we're driving around and we go some back streets and we see these kids

on a stoop like taking it apart you know because you got to camouflage it a little so I'm like these like is that your bike I'm like yeah I'm slumped down and shotgun like yeah but like let's get out of here fuck it but port and he goes up to these guys he's walks up to these guys and he's wearing high heels a wig and like a v-neck and he looks weird it's the 90s and he goes up to these guys and they're all gone they all lose it because I like look at this fucking fag they're all going crazy and they're flipping out and call him names and stuff and this guy was Stone Cold and he goes that's not your bike and I go what are you gonna do about it at this is like five kids with tools you know and he goes I'm gonna take it back and they were like I don't think you are or whatever and I remember he put his hand on the middle bar of the bike just to kind of see what happened looked him in the eye yanked it he said that's what I thought through the bike over shoulder walk to the van slid the door open through it in close the door we drove home whoa unbelievable I mean talk about a 13 year old seeing like that's like oh that's what

Anna's that was that changed my life wow unbelievable I never wrote it again my dude what if they beat him to death with wrenches well then I went to stuck in the vent crying I would have learned to drive real quick but no I mean leave the keys I think he did yeah I think it was running but II just because you know when you're a kid and you see these bully types you're just like I could never beat them yeah and then it to see someone beat him was so it was mind-boggling I loved him ever since then I mean I loved him before but he still in touch with him now he died he got killed in a sexual encounter oh well he was hooking up with a guy in the dawn came out and the guy flipped and killed him yeah he was like a burlesque dancer by night so he got he got into him you know New Orleans is a wild devil of a lady but yeah he was a good egg and I needed him growing up because my I had no parents around you know my parents are weird I don't know if you noticed but I can't make eye contact

I've been doing it pretty good but yeah I don't I don't know how to connect but that Inna stuff is great he was a cool dude

you've always had that we parents did they do that with you as well they don't connect with yeah they're like military tough you know you know they provided and all that but I think that's why I like comedy because you know the audience laughs and you go hey we're feeling this there's some happening here right right and that that's I like the truth of Comedy because you go okay I'm not crazy we're all degree ants yeah because the laughs is kind of an agreeance in a weird way yeah yeah yeah everybody's like right yeah exactly or else it that's why the involuntary our involuntariness voluntariness of a laugh is like interesting because you like it couldn't help it you fucked that word up so much I forgot what the real version is voluntary involuntary in this of it is that a word involuntariness probably not involuntary ability yeah involuntary and volunteer thing would just be involuntary I guess the involuntary response oh yeah okay yeah the involuntary response is so

you can't help it that that's yeah is that a word voluntariness wow that's Public School folks look at that probably tearing this that that yeah I think I've ever heard that before you ever heard of what a night it's with an i instead of why wow look at it there are you go see we're learning Love Of Love of language but it doesn't even look right if someone sent me that an attack I be like you verbose piece of shit huh however Bose is not bad either their fatty trying to that's pretty good vomit Aaron tear Enos yeah wow I know that's the thing we're done without once will an involuntary participant in what turned out to be an argument now you go interesting look at that we're learning we are fucking learning here yeah here you been in New Orleans before I loved it yeah it's a weird here a couple of years ago was the last time I was there I think maybe two years ago not the best crowds if I'm being honest comedy is not our thing we like strippers and booze and parties and

you know brothels and all that but Mardi Gras Jazz comedy is not ours it was fun I'd like I enjoyed it I had a good time yeah I was there once I did a House of Blues there and then after my show there was a burlesque show and I stuck around to watch the burlesque show and I just didn't quite get it yeah / less sucks it seemed like let's be honest yeah

like just either strip or become a real dancer because it was confused you're taking something off but it's not all the way so the whole thing is at ease what's also like what is why you dancing that way like what is this yeah is it sexy is it not sex but that okay - yeah what's also my own head I'm like why do I give a fuck people love Kate it's very dull moment yeah it feels like it this is all for you this should be an even even thing here I should be entertained right but also some people must enjoy it they have burlesque show so why do I give a fuck if other people enjoy what I think is dumb no I don't care if they enjoy it I just I do oh I get mad at them they can do whatever they like I've been tazed I'm just upset at myself yeah for wanting to know why why people when the certain things that people like that I don't like I want to know why I guess I have that too I'm like what do you see in that comic surely that guy or that girl yeah yeah when you if you have to follow someone that's terrible and the audience is laughing you like

you have disdain for them completely laugh at that yes that nonsense I know and and movies to I mean but we are but then we all have our guilty pleasure bullshit to no way so we all we all have our thing we like so you got to be sympathetic yeah but that's it's less time worrying about what other people like yeah live your life so I think there's a lot of people just looking for problems oh for sure dude they're not that big I just want have you seen the documentary they shall never grow old to want to fake beer sure this is a Heineken 0 alright looks like Heineken all right buddy alcohol in it but we're drinking alcohol you ever try that white club by the way yes whoo that's stuffs exciting huh excited it's exciting when a new thing is invented memory one Red Bull was no excited now Uber and now white cloth yeah I love white cloth what exactly is in it said it's a lot of people for about Zima ever liked Zima I'm only one with drink Zima people get mad at me

not manly enough like wear a fanny pack to I don't care I like Xena it's just tells her water tastes good and it's less filling What is it like why is it supposed to be manly to drink something to taste like shit like what is that how to like wine coolers go for guys in the nine well that's all yeah but if you were a guy you were in a wine coolers you cried a lot that you're in a James Taylor yeah you want to do picnics you you fucking like meticulously make a picnic and alcohol though right yeah but barely you barely got man you're in the wine coolers the girls going to leave you it's true and that's what the weird thing about oh we should all have emotions but yet there's a little tinge in your bed when I pop a wine cooler that's not good it's drying up there's they want you to have a level of emotions yeah well that's to know you care exactly that's what makes this interesting is we're different we we like to go pretend like we're the same but if we're the same how come men suck yeah when the shit hits the fan you're going to want us around right right right whines okay though why is Fun Line sophisticated

wine tastes like shit I hate wine I mean he can't drink wine the way you could drink like seven up you know he's 7 of you can just throw back a glass of seven uh the wine comparison while I mean you could for sure there's actually a couple you can't you get squirrely crazy Chardonnay drink a bottle of wine that's girls one okay okay alright but red wine like no one drinks a glass of red wine like a 7-Up you know what I mean yeah maybe like a wino yeah like iced tea you drink an iced tea you drink the iced tea yes never drink wine like that it makes you thirsty are sip it you enjoy it I like it that way I enjoy one I don't like it but it doesn't taste good in terms of like it's a different kind of tastes like I enjoy the taste yeah makes my my tongue thick I don't like it you know what I mean I hate that it's like a brick of wood and get the purple lips the red teeth am I understand

I feel you I know what you're saying but see this movie it's going to change it I saw it on the plane I was blowing my mind on the plane here there it is I know we're getting into like dude shit here and she'll not like this hold it it is Jax and Peter Jackson did it that's it's so well done it's unbeliev the footage they have of World War One is unbanned I'm not like a war buff or anything it's unbelievable what these people went through and how they joked through it and I had smiles and how they had to shit themselves and they got gangrene and it couldn't cut their toenails but the camaraderie and the fact that they wanted to go to war he took my having goals they're like I got nothing going on the Factory's closed I'm going to war fuck it and they all died like you know 80% of them died but the ones that came back there like I saw my best friend next week they all talk to the old people you never hear this shit it's amazing this footage they have unbelievable this them practicing this is nothing but when they get into the shit they show it they got footage of the people's heads blown off and just the

you're in their eyes and like these are 19 year old kids smoking cigarette their fingers are shaken and you're like I can barely I'm nervous to make a phone call I don't to check my voicemail look at their teeth except British first of all the state back that up the back that up look at guys got all right okay their fucking teeth look at these guys well they're all of it toothpaste out there look look at their teeth these are kids that living out in the land look at their fucking teeth they got one uniform for four years one uniform wow the boots were hell I mean the the cigarettes were currency it was crazy your rifle was your best friend I mean it makes you realize how weak you are and how tough they were and look that's for mustard gas now I got to walk the blind guys around like everything was a thing that they had to dig trenches every day was brutal look at that come on the rats my God the rats wow

yeah crazy then the stench of the dead horses they said was Indescribable I mean it's how long was a movie I know it's an hour and change fuck this is their day off they sit on their day off they didn't know what to do there just was like we just were shot at for four years and bombed at and now we're sitting here and they said it was just silence the whole day they didn't know what to talk about or what look that's them playing their try to make the most of it hit the guy said it was weird how much comedy came up because you needed it you were so miserable dude you gotta see it wow this should be this should be required viewing

like I just shot his own helmet off on accident now that's the big got a beer I mean it's crazy the gas mask I don't know who that kid is that's then burying I mean it's unbelievable footage I can't believe they pulled this footage together wow I'm really talking it up and I'm not a war guy but it's so well done it should be required viewing in every school well that's about as far back as we can go maybe film maybe like with what is it was the earliest film was like they had the late 1800s right was at the earliest film and as far as like historical events like War that's probably as far back as we can go can't be a lot of sound to have then write a little bit not much not much I'll narration yeah if you think about historical events that were documented like how far back do they go before World War one it's about

yeah that's 1914 so goddamn probably nothing maybe some reels like that spinny cinemascope thing it's a window in time you know oh yeah they had nothing going on and the weird thing is they say when they came back nobody gave a fuck they're like I just saw this and pure like yeah we're doing this now and he's like I just gave my life for you and this and there was a guy what are you gonna do that's weird they had a different appreciation for life and you know the guys that do wind up going to war one of the things that you know Sebastian Junger is so journalist who wrote books on war and he wrote a book called tribes really interesting book it talked a lot about this sort of thing that happens with these guys like Hurt Locker remember the guy wanted to go back yeah like the the sense of camaraderie and of being alive and the excitement of life it's like this heightened State like so many of them describe wartime this horrific time as some of the most memorable moments in their life

happiest moments of their life or their the most attached to their brothers and their comrades right it boils everything down to the basics of survival and I think we've kind of lost that yeah we have so much you know we got dine and dash or whatever the hell you said Diner - whatever you know the McDonald's coming right to you yeah like you don't have to this the survival we've cushioned it so much that were sitting up here on eight blankets 8 mattresses where used to be just your on the floor yeah and I'm gonna live the heightened experience of knowing that life is fleeting and seeing people die around you I mean that's I had a friend of mine who was from Israel and he's he was always like laughing and dancing and playing bongo drums she like this and I said why I go is this like where you're from and Israel is it like this it goes yes everybody party party I go why ghost because it tomorrow you could be dead there you go come on you could be dead everybody party party what did I say the more you have the more you can play in these guys are like a we could die at any moment we get bombarded

let's live baby gives people like a feeling of like all the systems are firing I think one of the things about people with sedentary Lifestyles and not know goals and no activity in their life is like your body just starts to fall apart doesn't want to live well yeah it just doesn't want it and then it starts feeling bad yes all the time just feels shitty yes it's like a dog almost not to compare us to dog but if you don't give the doll you know the dog wants to hear what to do a little bit you know you got to give it a little bit of order or else it just like biting his own tail they need activity yes they have a lot of energy total am we do too oh yeah oh yeah but we're trying to take energy away like everything is built like the internet you just sit there all day it's not good if you don't need to go outside yeah that's not good for people it's not good for people also to be in these weird virtual environments all day long yeah talking to people without actually talking to Pete completely I mean this is why the moped is so time on that thing I got the wind in my hair I get off the moped I'm on stage like whoa I'm alive baby yeah

kiss a wind and I'm on stage talking to random strangers then someone hands you a lot of cash you jump back on the moped you go bang your girlfriend whoo have a beer Levin baby live in grief yeah yeah I love it yeah it's um those are real experiences that's one of the reasons why people still love comedy yes you can feel it it's a live real experience where the cut where the entertainment were cockroaches of the entertainment world you know you can't bomb us will keep coming back because you need the truth need action movies and you need comedy those are two Stout words yeah John Wick is going strong oh my God yeah it's the most murderous movie of all time and the time where everybody wants to get rid of guns this guy kills everybody grab it exactly number one movie and everybody loves them I know everybody loves Cannery seems like probably the nicest guy that's ever existed I know he seems like a cool dude and he's got what is it he's got a motorcycle collection yeah he well he's a yeah it's Aficionado that's the only the bum me out about John Wick 3 is there's no

cars have no muscle cars Boise part of the problem I see your your your Fame and whatnot and I the cars are what really makes me I don't care I don't need money or fame I don't care about any of that I don't even want to be famous I'd rather have an animus and Anna - yeah Anonymous sorry jmo Anonymous life this coffee in the booze and the non-alcoholic it's I don't want to be there I was talking to re he's like I want to go to a music fest lay in the grass and not have somebody go can I get a photo and I said yes I'm with you so your all your all your huge your famous men that scares me but when you pulled up I don't want to tell you this it was jizzing a little I was walking to The Comedy Store to do some bullshit in the belly room work on my Uber bit and you pulled up in that fucking Chevy Corvette the silver one the stingray that thing right oh my God I kissed my twat leaked it was so hot then you pulled in you parked it I was like that's what I want I want

have a cool car that's why about the moped to it kind of satiated that car thing but I want to 69 Porsche 911 Irish green tan interior 69 you want the long Hood yeah I like the old stuff it looks better to me too yeah hashtag yeah they'll take those and they'll put like really good Motors in them now to that's think the singer shit yeah the singer ship of these also bunch of companies that do it in a way where you could drive it everywhere except the prom with this thing is you're dealing with a half-a-million-dollar car yeah but that's the coolest looking car to me I love that fucking kite it's cute but also got balls and also sexy it's got everything to me there's a bunch of guys who take those cars in the hot rod amount and the you take don't need all that could 9 9 3 engine and they put it in there so it has more power yeah I just want to I just want it to be a driver you know I want to go back and forth daily with it can they do that can we just try yeah actually probably be more reliable than these old engines right I would imagine yeah even if it was

if you get in a car with an old engine less it's all been completely refurbished you dealing with a hundred fifty thousand two hundred thousand my who knows how many l go of course but I grew up when I was a kid I bought a 71 Cutlass convertible Supreme and it was the coolest car ever but it would break down you know once a month and I'd be I'd be at a bar like shit and it was so embarrassing I have to like push it around the block so I could start it and try to like play with it because you do want to start outside the bar your friends would laugh at you yeah so I would have to like Tinker with it and it was fucking brutal and I always thought if I would ever got rich I'm gonna buy a nice car and just put a good engine in it because these things they are so fickle yeah but it's like like that's your dream car as a 69 Porsche well right now because I'm not very financially stable so that's that's probably my ceiling but I would be a good one to drive around in Manhattan to yeah small Market places oh God my dream do you know how to drive one of those fuckers Could you teach me stick you don't know how to drive a stick I drove stick like don't want to learn

a Porsche well obviously maybe want to wear an old car yeah just hear that thing you can still get rental cars with a stick shift yeah it's not hard to learn you learn five minutes no yes I did it once or twice I don't know it's no listen I can teach you I can teach you in 10 guaranteed let's film that yeah that could be a fun video you don't want to do one that's hard but you know Porsha like especially in old one it's also their hinge on the floor it's a different setup yeah like the ones that most of them are coming like the way Porsches are it's like on a hinge it's it feels different all the things are they're connected at the bottom instead of connected and dropping down I got a modern car everything drops down right push it you have to learn that that feels a little bit different and then you know like those cars are tricky are they yeah the you you have to learn how to drive them like this is something called lift throttle oversteer so if you're taking a turn with an old 911 and on the turn you let off the gas your ass and I'll kick out what yeah it's called

throttle oversteer and it's because there's there are rear-engine car right there not a mid-engine car they were rear engine starts where the engine is actually behind the tires yeah so there's something that happens as you're going around a corner when you let off the gas it just wants to spin Mmm Yeah jeez and they didn't have much grip either they had those ones the problem with those ones versus The Hot Rod ones is they had little skinny ass fucking tires because that's all anybody had back then those tires suck dick yeah they're not good you want fat grippy you know you want a toy or a Michelin or a fucking you know killer our compound Tire right so you can drive around corners and you know get some real fucking traction all right because that thing you have to learn how to drive that thing it's not a it's not a regular car I thought they were the best drivers like everybody's important very like a Porsche the new ones sure if you got a new one yeah they drive amazing and those things are interesting what they are is like really mechanical like I have an old one out there I'll yeah but

the three Rs America oh nice it's really light it's got a roll cage in and no air conditioning no radio no nothing just wanna come on it's all just engine and fun oh boy but that car is tricky yeah there's no traction control you know you like you gotta the first time I drove around the corner I said let me see what it's like to have laughing gas and mid corner it's like yo oh really yeah you kind of hate driving it no no I had a tightened up a company called Shark Works did a bunch of things to it and tighten up the suspension and we change the tires got a grippy earth fatter tire and it's just they're just the thing about those cars is so thrilling especially a car that doesn't have automatic power steering and it has a manual transmission so it's all you see you feel every fucking bump of the road like yeah you're attached that's just no numbness in the steering right it's alive and it's the rear engine so the front end is kind of light yeah yeah you can move it around pretty good even though it doesn't have power steering and then you hear the gears

since all are cooled so it's up here gears and shit it's crazy sounding engine anyone else hard they make me hard yeah that's a that's the most viscerally thrilling car to drive it's not nearly as fast as like my Tesla the Tesla berries all of them I know what the Tesla has no soul feel it feels like to me it Feels So electric I got nothing against a lecture but it doesn't feel like a machine it feels like it's like a vacuum cleaner or something Have You driven one of course not yeah that's the thing I've never been in one I was we got one out I'll let you drive mine what yeah come on did you witness when you drive it it's it makes you feel like oh okay other cars are just stupid other cars are a stupid idea really oh my God it doesn't make any sense because there's no gears right doesn't go further seconds or doesn't do that just goes and when it goes it does have faster than anything you've ever been in your life it doesn't like roller coaster fast this is how fast it is okay they just

did a Nurburgring time the Nurburgring is this famous track in Germany yeah this is very very famous track where times of cars speeding around the Nurburgring is always been like The Benchmark okay like that I'll yeah miles big deal like I have a GT3 RS which is a like really essentially a race car for the street and that's supposedly goes around the Nurburgring I think somewhere in the neighborhood of seven minutes and forty something seconds this K new Tesla just did it seven minutes and 20 seconds oh wow that's so that's 20 plus seconds faster yeah that a Porsche race car that's insane because it doesn't have to shift doesn't have to shift and it has this crazy power the power and acceleration is not like anything I've ever experienced in my life live had all kinds of muscle cars I've got all kinds of different things like you know I've had big cars and small cars that thing's a totally different animal yeah only doing animal

is all news to me I thought you did Tesla went bankrupt it's fucking nuts your we're doing these shows tonight yeah I'll bring it and then afterwards we'll drive it and I'll dump turn it backwards for me I don't wanna know you need experience all right Brianna feel like a Salesman yeah apparently it's capable of doing that 712 oh here we go did it know what do you mean it says it's possible it broke it did a 724 in that it did right now bro broke down when during the race what what what it's not a race here in the time trial look this is a well they definitely completed one they complete push past them with other racing watch a video of the Porsche passing the broke down Tesla on The Nürburgring but is that this is bad today's Tesla like that they're doing it without permits is okay this is worse for Ilan than the weed smoking not make sense all right you if you're going around a track on a car that has a it's all batteries and heats up they had real concerns about that is this is their tweets has it can achieve it it did

Steve it well how do we know if it can if it didn't data from our track took indicates but I thought they had a second one with some improvements 705 may be possible but they definitely did 723 or something like that which still insanely impressive yeah yeah so pulled up Nurburgring laps 723 but it know there's more than one test this was the second they started doing it a couple of days ago hmm what they're trying to do is beat Porsches electrical Porsche has his badass new electric car that they just came out to take on yeah that it one tests are completed that lap a very on official time of 723 on a house it's a very unofficial it says very unofficial does that mean so like it probably left it to Tesla to measure it may be right that's probably what it means not a judge how does do you know anything about Nurburgring I just from playing video games it's one of the best in the video game tracks it's a dope track in the video game do they make you do they have an official that gives you like the ready

It Go like how many do that would be like in a video game Gran Turismo more like / yeah something like yeah that makes sense like you would have to have an official you couldn't trust you know like look companies lie about how much their gas like guzzlers right the cars are like didn't then that happened Volkswagen they lied about the gas mileage I got it right it was it a missions or gas mileage it was a missions yes right so companies will still definitely lie about their acceleration informally timed informally timed on the circuit at 7:23 stopwatch was timing but made by a correspondent of the German publication automotive and Sport okay so they at least had a journalist that was doing it the Tesla did have the advantage of using race compound tyres doesn't account for the almost twenty second advantage over the Porsche tie can hmm-huh besides lap times 7 42 yeah there were Burger I've got another way even the Porsche one that's 742 that is fucking insanely fast for a four-door car yes mainly crazy so

they're all insanely fast and if you could find the difference between the Tesla and the Porsche in Daily driving I think you're an asshole because you're probably driving way too fucking fast you know like if you if you can tell the difference treat 723 which is insane yeah 747 right that sucks that it broke down though well but I think those things overheat but I think you're not supposed to drive them like that think you're supposed to drive them like you would drive a regular car still pretty cool that it did it no it's pretty incredible and this is like the real reality of electric cars is that we're basically in like sort of a fetal stage or you know we're in like a grammar school stay yeah there's going to be a college athlete and an Olympic stage we got a ways to go yeah they're they're really just getting going with this shit and if they made some breakthroughs with with batteries like the amount of juice you can get out of a battery yeah they need if they did that and had them like thousands of miles of range instead of like the really good one too

I think is like free 15 I think is the most you can get 315 miles okay but that's if you don't drive like a dick right right well let me sorry Gemma I just recently heard for something I was looking up someone else branching on the podcast that I did something about solid state batteries being worked on right now have you ever heard anything about that no it sounds like it would be useful for this I don't even understand it is stop what does that mean I don't know it's like how solid state hard drives are completely different phone okay okay hard drive this may be the same kind of thing I don't that's where I'd really didn't understand I was looking it up I felt like I felt the simulation because the guys name is good enough he's a scientist he's 97 years old and he's done a bunch of them I mean how much think about how much you need batteries and how little do you know about batteries I don't know jack shit about batteries come on who does I have am like a here the new higher ed a new iPhone got a good battery right it's gonna give me more time well let me have to plug in and throw this one is not

the Joe they say you should never buy your dream car because then it you got nowhere to go from there that's nonsense you think so those people are assholes I mean it could be something to it it's like a dolly llama bullshit's nonsense all right nonsense you want to have something to strive for you got another destroy you just enjoy it you don't have to do that I strive to write better jokes trying to do better sets but that's not its never-ending that's the beauty of his it's never going to end yeah the car thing is just cars are just cool they don't stop being angry did I park that Corvette I get out and look at it and go oh fuck look at this thing yeah that's what I do dude when you pull up the light with the Sunset Boulevard lights are glimmering off it it was pretty Juicy tonight the 1965 Corvette like that shape yeah just did just nailed it but that's again that's no committee that's just some guy designing I feel like everything now is so cornered and curved and boring well they have to be aerodynamic now and also we rely on them to get these good lap times well I don't even think they

least the Corvette's lap time on the Nurburgring I don't think they released an official lap time for the Z Z 51 of the ZO6 or even the ZR1 I don't think the the big league Corvette I don't think they ever released a laptop that's a big track like for a call if you want to compete with Porsche or you know there's other major sports car brands a company has to release a lap time at the Nurburgring or at least somewhat Laguna Seca you have to have you know there's that the freeway the one in there's one Atlanta that's really good too Road America doing it but they didn't release the time I guess yeah well then it must not have been good I mean it's real simple see ya you know the speed is cool but this car looks silly to me does it yeah this is like a that's silly that's looks a little joke to me really yeah I mean it's to me this is the too much is this is retarded you know it's it does it look like if you seen it like pull up a list black tile you don't think that looks

let's start with this is like guardian over the top I don't know it's to me this is not sexy hmm I liked your subtle okay so you like old classic yeah yes there's some art to it this just looks lik John Wick was driving that 1970 Chevelle you like love that love that love that it's 70 Chevelle white with the black stripes oh damn maybe it's a car that's a fun time but yeah that's what I want I bought that car is as a teen I-71 Cutlass it looks so good but then the reality hits you like this thing's fucked up the alternator sucks and then the starter breaks and then the rust and all that like I didn't think about all that as a kid there he is right there oh man look at the fucking car see if you have the money you can just keep that car up yeah well that's the classic one to the black with white stripes that is like I when I was a kid band one of the buddies in my neighborhood his friend had a black with white stripes Chevelle and he gave me a ride

really remember thinking about like being in this guy's car like how can anybody own this yeah how do you sleep zactly knowing you have a 1970 Chevelle in your garage oh yeah I would just get up in the middle of night and touch it I don't have the vanilla that car right there with the fucking the black with the white stripe City when he slammed into that motorcycle rider used hauling ass all around the town that's an incredible car I remember having a car when you work it look at Citibank that ruins that whole fucking shot right there but I don't even notice it I am an animal but the the thing about when you have a car the kid is such a big deal you cleaned it maybe you like cleaning it was like fun you got in there and you change the oil and then you fucked with the tires and you rotated them it was you loved it it was like a thing you loved you know what I would fuck me up though I bought an Audi Fox and I had a neighbor that had a like it was a 1972 or something like that Audi Fox it was pretty cheap I don't know how D fuck it was a weird little tiny car

that was manual transmission yeah that was exactly like a cute I had a tan one I had one that was basically the color looks like Brad Williams to cut right to the left of that picture right below that one yeah that color that's basically the color that I had the brain much it was like a tan it wasn't that gross looking yeah look at an Audi Fox but for door I think it was a two-door they made a two-door yeah Zach and that's it that's it right there that's kind of got a style to it it's got a subtle subtle subtle lines on it but what I learned is that little cars handle so much better yeah I drove that little car around I was like oh like that these other cars that I'm driving these muscle cars are pigs right right you could just really jerk that thing around yeah Wells a front-wheel drive car too if I remember correctly I'm sure the it was front engine front front-engine front-wheel drive and it like pulled around yeah it's like pulling the car instead of pushing the car right right I was like oh this is a smarter

to do it you know it's a good version of the car similar to that that I love it but it'd be my number two is the BMW 2002 oh yeah like a 71 car yeah sexy that's a sexy car will you know there it is TI have you seen that Bronco that I have a bike on Bronco that is so slick I can't the Bronco like the OJ or you know it's an old bar old Brock Obama but point is it's from put that picture back up there's a company this company icon is going to take one of those and they're going to put a two thousand eighteen or nineteen chassis and engine from the 2 Series BMW that's heaven so that little tiny little car will have like you know probably a 350 horsepower engine and a modern suspension and modern brakes and modern transmission he's in the process of building like the first version of that right now he's he's a wizard he does really cool

shit with cars yeah so they're going to take it look at that good looking there's a guy from Bavarian Workshop mark from Bavarian Workshop put together a car that's similar to that he put a M3 engine and an older 2002 and I actually saw it the other day was parked in front of it shop yeah that's it was on Jay Leno's garage that chocolate that car is radical that is a lunchbox back up a little bit back up a little bit yeah that's it that's it there's Mark right there that's Mark Norris and when the yeah he made this dope car well you nervous about beating Big Jay no Lana I had met him before he's really nice he's always been nice I know but he's like a comedy man at Massachusetts comedy God another Tonight Show and then now this car God so he's like to loves he does have that but man he is so much more comfortable and like happy talking about cars yeah

he was on The Tonight Show is basically like you know hey here's this guy yeah your headaches but yeah Joey Lawrence he's got a girlfriend sort of kind of she doesn't know he pulls out a gun and blows his brains out its Branch forming NBC Peacock yeah he's a company man to The Bitter End and he's kind of losing his mouth and he keeps changing collapse the older guys like Leno and Simon there's so much more Zen now they don't have to Instagram and all that shit they don't care they're all podcast they don't do any of this shit they don't do stories and tweets and they seem like I've hung out with some if I don't to say we're buddies but I've hung out with him a few times because of comedy and he's like wise and he does he does TM you know and he doesn't drink and he's like centered and he's got a family and he loves comedy and he's got his money and it's just he's he's a good guy to look up to as a kid

Rihanna like a business person where you want to be and as a man where you want to be in life and how you want to be and what you want to be like hmm like that did I have you heard about how I met him no oh dude I mean he was my guy like I was doing him when I started and it was embarrassing did you do a guy and yeah I did Jenny okay caught myself on stage once going on oh yes dude I didn't exactly like them I did an open mic in New York and in New York they were ruthless and I went on I was walking in the mic and some kid in the back went bam peppy palette and it fucking crushed me because he was mocking me level because he was right and I have to ever since that day I chewed him out on the mic but I also changed my ways because it hit me right to the core and so you know whatever I'm doing I'm doing four sets of the night and I run over to Gotham and they go hey slow down buddy and you know when you got four sets you got to make those times or else it's like dominoes you lose them all and I go hey slow down Seinfeld's on I go ah damn I mean that's how Jada we are is Comics the biggest Comic Con

Lana is on I'm like a fuck I could sit down and watch him but I'm like I got to make my shows so they go don't worry I think he's going short so he gets off and I think oh you gotta follow him like oh fuck that's bathroom break for most people you know Seinfeld's done we're not going to watch the next douche so he's walking past me offstage I'm walking on and I go you still got it and he goes hey I like your stuff and he just said that like in passing and I was like oh my God I got I figured he would even acknowledge me you know and I'm freaking out so now I go and it's for Merrill Lynch or something it was like a corporate kind of thing so you had to be clean so I go up and I'm beaming from the Seinfeld compliment that I just fucking level the room I just it's coming out of me it's oozing out of my eyeballs and I killed and turns out he was watching so not only did I have to go after him but I had to be clean thank God I have like eight minutes on school shootings pedophilia and midgets so like I had to be clean and it went well and I got off and so I was like oh that was fun let's go to the next said he goes hey came out of the Shadows

let's go hang out so I go oh my God and it was like a hot lady you know when you have a good set you got a little juice with her and I would never have anything to do with this lady without comedy and we go in the green room we talked for an hour and a half I'm shitting myself for the first 10 minutes he's my here I grew up watching with my family must see TV NBC Thursday nights and we did the first 10 minutes I'm shitting because you know you know this guy's face you know his voice and everything so well I know everything is done I've read is biographies and shit and then after 10 minutes just a comic he's just a Long Island car guy baseball guy comedy guy and it was just super cool and we talked and he goes take my number and I go I'll never I'll never call you guys use it use it and that was it we just text a little and then as he was as I was leaving he did a bit that I was new and I go hey I got a tag for you on that Cemetery bit and he goes out whatever take it easy next day what he got in the cemetery bit now we're texting and I had nothing so now I'd go right a bit

you know I had to write a bit in the time you didn't really have anything I am not that was fucking with them so now I'm running a cemetery bit I'm like Googling cemeteries and shit I don't know anyone cemeteries so I came up some headstone pun bullshit I said it to him and I could tell he was like yeah that sucks blow me I have been I say I try to save it I want to keep it going it's like talking to a supermodel right when I was like but you don't want to step on Carlin Cemetery bit he goes wait what's that so I sent him that clip and now we're going back and forth about Carlin and then he and I go I think he's better than prior and he goes what are you crazy so now we're going on a a Carlin prior fight anyway just fucking had it I would two hours of texting it was amazing why not just call each other because he got that conversation done 20 minutes waiting for a fucking text message when you're also watching TV I know he's 65 to we took forever to get the words out but we have to use the glasses yeah but I didn't want to I didn't want it to end I was happy was long so yeah so now you're besties I wouldn't say that but I mean close I would I would even say pretty close I'm closer to you

William to him you know it's one of them weird ones yeah you don't want to bother and um I get it and then you don't want to come on too strong where he's like this guy's up my ass because I'm famous be bothering that guy exactly so I'm trying to keep it like Colin Quinn and him or buddies and I mean Colin I love by the way very underrated oh yeah super I never talked about Colin Quinn genius comedy but with any tough crowd we are on those days that's my whole comedy world is tough crowd that's like my info you will you ever on it or no no that was before I was I started motor six I came around I mean I was on it like maybe second season or something like that I forget in common I hadn't seen him in forever and he was warming up the crowd so he's doing stand-up to warm up the crowd yeah I mean and fucking murdering and every second he's like right now doing something that's way better than the show itself oh this is so weird right is like his stand-up like it was very tight and you know and they were huge Colin Quinn fan

tough crowd fans so they were laughing hard but what that show was was the first show where Comics could ball bust yes like we do in the back bar at the store or like we do you know when we're in the green room we talk shit about each other we fuck around we have fun yeah and we make fun of each other and we laugh and it's real it wasn't fake like the try to react the reenact the ball busting and it's always you can't bear seeing you too that is know like if someone says something like Mark we didn't get coverage on that behavior repeat that can you call his mom a skank again we didn't get it you know get the fuck out of here I'm shaking that I've heard Apollo had some line he said a Ralphie May was sitting on a big red bean bag chair and De Paula said you look like he jumped out of a plane and land on a Coke machine oh my God the Tri Star Jones what time he bombed and he took a sip and Patrice cozy at take another sip of time and I mean there was just so many Zooms in these guys with a king as thing they knew each other and it was

genius no it was it was a show that I don't even think you could do today no it's too real yeah to real well was very much like stand-ups actually talking shit to each other well kind of the way they used to yeah the way you used to now you gotta be like well this guy's you know by so go easy on them or whatever this New York is your New York you're experiencing this yeah I'll New York I'm a New York guy right but you don't get that on here that although that's it yeah I live like that oh I did a show at the store and I was like there's a lot of guys on the show we're gonna get in trouble and Santino was like a shut up this is La I was like Jesus La is a full-on meritocracy there's a lot of funny women but they have to actually be funny well is that you don't get on a show just because you're a check but it's weird that's even controversial light of course it's funny women is funny minorities blah blah blah blah hey everybody why it's more offensive to put you on because you have a gash well this one I like I was saying about this girl that was telling me that she wants have a certain look for her writers room I'm like that's weird so the looks

hilarious yes should be with who find the funniest fucking people that are willing to work for you right don't worry about I want black gay women I want this I want that listen I don't do it yeah you're it's a trap because you're not going to get the best show that way of course the best show is Fun the best Comics if they happen to be all women yeah yeah fuck yeah fuck yeah you got it I get diversity you want different like I don't know all this shit black people know or Asian people know so get them in here but like just get the funny ones yeah the real problem is actual racism yeah the real problem is not and guilt yeah guilt is a problem that's definitely a problem with some folks yeah good but the actual racism is the real problem not like ensuring that this diversity to the point where you're seeking it out yeah eliminating the better candidates that just happened to be a white woman or a white man yeah you know you want this instead very strange but it's not wise okay because your product is going to suffer because if you're if someone's got a skill like the real problem is someone

I mean and it rarely happens I would imagine where someone decides that the far better person like it depends on the the job for sure but if you're in a situation Sports it's one of the reasons why Sports so awesome yeah like in the Jack Johnson days they did try to do that like they did try to keep Jack Johnson from fighting for the top court has of racism totally didn't want a black man to run because they knew he was the best of course they were trying to keep him from being the best but in most areas of life I feel like if you're really good you get ahead and if you don't that's the problem the problem is racism the problem is someone trying to stop you from getting a head just because you are whatever you want or sexism or Y or sex yes that's the real problem the response to that it's not forced diversity the responses that is like racism is awful and we should all great but it's not that you should force diverse I agree I think it's strange you make a mistake

you're making a mistake yeah and it's weird and kind of wrong and kind of gross comedy yeah of course but it's just and I get the whole we gotta like trust we went so far the wrong way the now we're trying to go far too far the other way but like it's weird that they people can't see that and then they call you racist and you're like you don't even have it's always people without black friends who call you racist ironically you know you don't even know any black people and why are you using that word so liberally yeah weird word to say that but you know what I'd like why are you using that word so that's an important word and you can't just like in a world where we can't fat-shaming slut-shame you can call racism and sexism so quick races to the worst thing in American be a bigot is the worst thing maybe pedophilia but like that's weird that you use that so quick and even know the person well it's crazy it's an easy weapon to use its playing Dungeons and Dragons and you got a battle-axe to throw yeah let it fly I agree with the saint D&D baby this is this is life and people's people's careers will get ruined because you want to win an argument yeah that's big

sick and I hate now I'm going off no you're correct but I hate these new it's all YT by the way I hate these people who get like real evolved all of a sudden and then they got to tell us about their involvement it's like yeah we knew that shit already it'll but we're not going on on social media and having like a big parade about how evolved you are we already knew these people are marginalized in that but just because you found out now we got to hear your side that's privileged yeah that's the ultimate privilege like like these documentaries about I have privilege you can pay two million bucks to do the documentary a whore what are you crazy it's insane like you think black people are enjoying this there going oh this is fucking embarrassing and what how come I don't get to show you have the privilege against till it's so entitled and narcissistic they can't even see outside their own got gah sorry thank you Marc Norman well that'll get McCants I'm gonna bang the gavel all right your speaker you have four minutes to respond I won't go

and I want it all work out what everybody get a job and I'm all about the funny but you also don't want anybody to suffer sexism and don't want to lose of racism but you want the best people to be chosen yeah I do too and I think those things aren't mutually exclusive I think it's possible I pitched a show about having these stand-ups and do this and people like we love it here's a list of people we think you should put on and I read the list sounds like these are all hack retards this sucks these people are all unfunny and I know all of them and you start going why would they want to use these people their talentless I've watched them I do shows with them the industry sucks the industry is a bunch of Finance cunts they're all just wearing a suit know you know whatever but they're all wearing a suit and then they're in the room they don't know anything about comedy I know about comedy I'm in though I'm in the trenches I'm in the clubs but they don't know any about comedy but they're all in a suit in a you know Warehouse or a nice building downtown and they go this is what we should do so they look good they look woke or Progressive but it's not funny like I hate that and they all go

love prior I love that guy I love Carlin now you don't let me one bit you don't know anything about comedy you're just you're just at work you got a coffee machine over here and you got a nice car and you want to keep your gig and you want to seem like you're on the up-and-up and you want to seem like you're you know evolved and in the on the right side but you don't actually care about funny well the problem is that they're involved at all that wireless weather is kind of people involved we need to watch TV you don't need to well not anymore not anymore but you don't need any more really they're irrelevant they've made themselves more relevant with this kind of thing of core but they pay all right they do and then they don't suck your dick until you're making money then they Comin I thought you know I go hey will you will you represent me they go blow me douche and then I start getting some some it's like ReRe to TV show Everybody hated re some people still do and mostly Nazis but he he had a show and then you got popular online so they go okay we'll give it to you will give you this will give you the show now

outs and storytelling show that still on with the Roy wood yeah by the way who I love but yeah you too so it just like you don't know anything stop telling me what's funny funny of the new and I know it's funny that's you know if they are going to work for a company that is going to pay money that's going to get involved in the comedy business yeah there's gonna be a bunch of people not comedy people that are involved in the creation of comedy and then their ego gets involved and they want to change the suit and to this do this to the background and we want to do this and the show is ruined yeah I mean Pat from The Black Keys was talking about it last night that you get these record douches from yeah fresh out of college and they would like want to change something and the sound right and you have this situation where you have this non artistic person that's trying to influence your art and put their greasy little thumbprint it's strange and the corner of your art but it's normal when people give you money they give you money for a product and then they give you they want to Adelson

like they have a job if you're an executive at one of these you know networks your Comedy Central and you know there's a show with a bunch of stand up so you're going to just let them do whatever the fuck they want are you going to give them some feedback well they're going to want to give you a feedback they're the ones you're like we get to decide whether this gets green letters are and that's fair because their platform but it sucks but they shouldn't be there there's no reason for them to be involved in the world of Comedy like that the whole idea of the network is always going to be hampered they're going to get their me handicapped except financially they have Studios and production value and they have like real directors real producers that they work with and they have a history a long history of making real television show exactly which is impressive and I don't have that they don't have the sloppy shit yeah with this is the great way you want people want the slop and up live stand-up as a sloppy shit right and podcast this is the sloppy shit right this is what it is real human shit yeah it's not like polished up and edited perfectly with the Tide commercial shampoo shoved in the middle of it yeah well

sorry yeah before I get inundated with tweets about how I'm in a suit and I'm dead I was just on Fallon last night which is the top of the Heap of you know clean corporate whatever to me I just people go why do you do these late nights that I go cuz I want to see if I can pull it off you know let's let me see if they give all the restrictions if I could still do it you know it's like yeah I'll go in the Octagon but let's see if you can bare knuckle right and that's why I like to do these late nights because I'm like all right they're going to tailor my ACT they're gonna tweak it and turn it and take this word out and fluff that word off but if I can still kill with their bullshit then I know I'm actually good at this this is annoy you know that you're giving up your material for some fucking stupid show that mean what are the numbers of people watching these shows now it's all for me I don't do it for the giving it up or who's watching or whatever I just go I'm in 30 Rock there's a lot of history here Stallone's on Cedric the Entertainer is on Jimmy Fallon was a comic I do it for the tradition and it's fun it's a tightrope you run that set for weeks

weeks and you hone it and you tweak it and you get an ending an opening and then you buy a suit and you go out there and you knock it out and you could flub on television which is fucking terrifying and that's why you do it you do it for that mmm that little moment in time where you're you're on edge and it's great it's like a high and that's why I do it how many have you done that'll be 12 or 13 wow yeah I like old-school comic manually yeah like like the rich Jenny days Rich Jenny used to go on all the shows he would he would hold Tonight Show constantly yeah prior multiple times I did Sullivan but then you go to the bar he's talking about you know blowing a dude you know that's to me that's cool like he could do whatever he could do Muay Thai and Jiu-Jitsu yeah and I like that I don't know where suit but you know I went out last night and I slept in but yeah it's fun it's fun like all right let me go on your Arena and kick some ass and then I'll go back to the club Mmm Yeah no it makes sense have you ever thought about I mean you don't need it but you could you could do it for you it'd be interesting my my

time constraints are not going to allow any other endeavors I like tight tight short jokes yeah yeah my bits are more stories that lead into other fucked up stories that I can't tell the third story until you've heard the first two stories because you know you have to know how I fuck around about things all right I don't want you to think right away that I'm really serious about the things that I'm saying like you got to know that I'll say things I don't agree with yes because I think it's fine then I'll say I don't even agree with that like Ike and also I don't have enough time to just work on a five-minute set like when I'm working I'm doing I'm trying to do my ACT yeah you know and for me a lot of bits are five minutes sure the whole get one that Michael the seven minutes and it could be the one bit and it's not about giving it away you can write another five that's all it is just I don't I don't appreciate the median I guess and like a challenge I understand is a challenge but I don't appreciate the medium like no I mean for us no for me stand up is you know you're making people

half in a nightclub setting everything else is an advertisement for that sure of the podcast is obviously a totally different thing but when I'm doing anything else I'm doing if I'm if I was doing a t-shirt TV show in the past it was basically an advertisement to come see me in the club's yes that's what I care about I am the same way and the money I'll take the money take the money but the real thing was like if I had to choose between one of the two of me talking about this no this is not a competition ya can't beat stand up stand up the greatest thing the world's ever known if you're a comic and you're murdering no one is ever gonna understand what that feels like when you are killing nothing like the audience is dying laughing and you you get out of there the high is so insane and their high so insane yeah so much fun to make people feel good it's amazing I feel bad for people can't kill I do I know going through life and they're never experiencing what we experience all the time right and then they turn it on the art form they go this this sucks it's not fair people are mean and whatever oh that's nonsense yeah you got to figure it out

people say that when people have excuses for why they're not doing better or excuses for why people are doing well you're looking at it the wrong way you're wasting that bandwidth you wasting that bandwidth well who gives a fuck why Justin Bieber's famous sty if you get out and wasting that bandwidth don't worry about that worry about yourself I completely agree only a certain amount of time for you to think about things I know Jay yeah we're all gonna die one day folks but it's even the amount of time you have in a day to accomplish what you want to do I don't understand people that have extra time yeah and a bunch of time that they can stick on shit that's nonsense and useless and that's going to take up most of your day yeah about nonsense useless opinions like why I know what you mean you know when you wake up kind of early and you didn't get enough sleep but you just say fuck it and you get up and then you did you get a ton of shit down that day there's nothing better yeah nothing better discipline discourse yourself yourself and I used to go let me lay here and try to sleep now I lost three hours doing that I should have gotten up because I can get to sleep anyway yeah so I'm with the all that but again

the late nights I have a nobody you forget you're nice enough to have me here and in the booze and the cars and everything but I got no I got no drawers or whatever I'm still doing the the be rooms I'm doing the funny bones I can't sell a ticket so I like I first of all have to make strangers laughs still I don't have fans which is a real that's all I wanted to have something I got a fan and a half you got me might like me but I got I can't fill a room I can't feel the weekend but these cut these late nights if you put 12 together that's what 60 minutes that's a special people kind of get a little YouTube clip of me I think the YouTube clips in the Instagram clips and everything like that is what's going to help you yeah they go a long way yeah they go that's going to help you more than anything you're a rock-solid stand up man nothing really good comments All I Can Do it's all I care about I work hard really hard at it the I appreciate that that's that means a lot to me thanks I love the the art form it's amazing and I do my best to try to encourage people to go out and see it and yeah try to

but how come you get it and the it's funny that you're not industry I mean I know you're a Comics here in the mix but how come they can't I know something not comical man they're not Comics yeah comedy is one of those things that you can be a comedy fan the you understand appreciate it and never want to do stand-up yourself but you got to be in it you know you got to get it you got to get in there deep yeah and look at it from the perspective as a fan but as a comic man I mean I've had this conversation too many times but there's not that many of us there's maybe a thousand of us in the entire country that are worth of fuck yeah out of those it may be less it might be letting out of the ones that are like really doing well and headlining at clubs and all over the country what is there 250 300 400 out of the okay well how many of them will sell out theaters is maybe a hundred yeah how many are doing Arenas is like ten right it does not that many of us there's a tiny amount of us it's fucking small at a 320 million people I love that it's small it's very something that's yeah we're in a secret Union Club thing yeah fucking great and the real ones will do anything for you

no I know but the backlash against Comics now is it these weird these two sides you have to be on I don't get it I can highlight of this guy and that guy or this lady and this horrible defensive Dirtbag and this woky Progressive clean Lefty Kyle I like them both yeah why can't I like why why do we depict these sides and people just people I'm sure the people listening now go on oh he's one of them he's I'm done with him no know why I'm a good egg yeah don't forget that I'm a good guy I just like jokes I like shit humor I like slurs I think they're funny I'm sorry blow me suck my ass shit in my face I don't care I like it I hang out with my openers a black guy Chris Allen and he's like we just sit and shit on black and white all day I'll just call him a horrible end word he'll call me a white devil and slavery and I make we're buddies when we love it he's got me in a headlock and and if anybody saw that I would go straight to you know Campbell to jail yeah go straight to jail I'm like you don't know our relationship we're friends

we do the road together we're like we're in the trenches we're like in World War II we're out doing shitty rooms and we love each other but if anybody saw that I'd go to hell because you're having fun yeah yeah we're having fun we love it right and we find it funny or saying things and they say are forbidden you're having fun but in their eyes you're not allowed to have that fun it must be forbidden one thing that we don't see we don't do that with anything else like you just around about me and my third daughter saying Oh I thought she's dead like it's funny but this to me I would if you were in a meeting with a guy whose mother salesman and he said that he would fucking shit his pants maybe maybe most of the time people get very angry at you but here's the thing they're allowed they go you're a bad person I go no I'm not I just made the joke how can you call me about I'm not I know mean more than you know me I would have choked I would have talked to you about of saying the things about the Coke and the guy cheating on his wife at the corporate gig out of said listen I want to talk to you have those gave me the dirt

that guy is the same kind of guy that probably you know oh I see what you're saying yeah well maybe I'm just saying just because you find it offensive doesn't mean I'm a bad person before I did anything wrong or and Jim Norton had that great point it's like we're obsessed with this movie about a clown who eats kids that's like the biggest movie on the in the country and we love Ted Bundy we love all that secret True Crime is the biggest thing this really happened and yet jokes they really sting people for some reason well one of the things is that we will argue with them it's very difficult to get it to argue back with you that's why Joey Diaz has is fine he's that fees are you can't shut down Joey do you know you can't he's too strong interest he's Chernobyl they can't do know what the fuck to do they just get out of there yeah but with someone like you if you respond like they can go after you like it doesn't have a fucking Instagram page where he's going to like answers comments a fuck you you're a homo I wear a clown outfit because that's how I

kids I don't like I'm not wearing makeup because I'm a girl alright got like getting trapped and drag you and I mean but they go it's not real well neither is my act and formats but how many times you seen someone especially Comics like get into it with fans online and going back and forth with people and people shouldn't on them and their shh it's an ugly look yeah it's not good it's rarely work so take right it's bad but it takes a while for Comics to realize I should engage with people yeah but a lot of people never learned that right yeah so they're there they're there as targets now if you're a person and you're bored and you're 15 and you're going to school somewhere and your stepdads a piece of shit your mom's dumb and she's on pills and you're stuck with you got an internet account and all sudden Mark Normand this fucking Kant thinks he's funny fuck you mark Normand and they say something shitty you you like fuck you your mom's getting fucked right now by some meth-head you like God damn it he's right my mom is getting fucked by a meth head yeah like you're getting involved with this because you're an accessible Target

he tweets the guy who made the Godzilla movie like I was not gonna Tweet back in him rabbit comic might yeah yeah we're accessible and it's also good when you write articles because it's a polarizing and polemic topic exactly when you write articles it's a good thing to write articles about someone's jokes being problematic and cancelled culture yeah but thank God there's guys like Bill Burr out there that are still swing and Chappelle still swinging big names that are still doing comedy exactly the way they always did it exactly and for anybody and people go all these these men or whatever want to like be assholes on stage and they think they can say whatever they want in the name of Comedy no no we don't think we're any that we're not politicians we're just doing what we think is funny that's all it is they don't get that it's is all in the umbrella of comedy and they go well maybe it's just hate speech but you call it comedy right well maybe it is but this but it's funny to me then it's comedy that's comedy yeah it's just comedy you can't just decide it's not good because it's hate speech right right because your hate your

of hate speech is not my if you you call you know some guy some terrible name in your act because you're pretending to be a racist grandfather that doesn't mean you're kidding actually you don't know how I feel you're doing your into sometimes you're doing bits and this is how the best way to describe that but that's going to make people laugh that's why you do it that way exactly not doing it that way to hurt people's feelings and just like spicy food where the chef we like it this way that's how we make it I'm sorry if you don't like it just don't eat at the restaurant and yeah I would argue and this is a bold one but I noticed that the shittier the guy on stage like the Jessel neck like the mean dark say the real dark shit those are usually the best guys or girls have you noticed that there are a lot of them realize their good eggs and nice people and giving and heartwarming and then these super like activist t-they we got to make this ride and this guy advice should but those are you meet them a real of you go your your evil you kind of evil and me like a Cosby yeah look at that clean as a whistle

whistle America's dad follow sizing yeah tell people what to do yeah I mean every time it's a smelt it dealt it every time they somebody you know calls out a guy for being offensive they start looking through his shit and then you go oh this guy hates Malaysians or whatever the hell well you know that every time that story about the guy who outed chain yeah thank you Louis so this is he the guy who outed him deleted 6,000 hey we go we're on Sunday night we're all flawed thank the night before he released it suppose that true was I've been proven yes so you deleted thousands I know but then they go well that was ten years ago okay well maybe this is Shane's 10 years ago let him evolve how about that you know they go that's old so what so what so Trudeau is Trudeau was like the best guy ever he was the height of the mountain everybody loved Trudeau feminist yes and then we found out the black face thing is this we do we lose all of that that were that he gained or is it right do we let him

wide but not Che I don't get it like there's no consistency that's a very good point thank you I have a point that's a very good point I don't like what like it doesn't mean they should be canceled for right I'm stupid shit that he did when he was young and dumb exactly thought it was hilarious though when he said he didn't know how many times he wore black face they said how many times you were because they couple extra ones came out and then he's like I don't remember how many times like what was that your yeah that's a lot of poly him like that was his thing I know right thing also I like how they called it black and brown fish well we got have diversity even with the Arabian Night polish oh yeah he did were like a fucking well that's okay turban on and everything the whole deal that's less bad because there's no like Mammy you know Minstrel that's I thought the history of the minister was the whole problem with it no but now we've subverted we perverted that it's become any shade other mean self tanning is that's right yeah if you date a nice a lot that's a bit if you're fucking getting spray-painted you know you getting spray-tanned

you're basically using black face that's appropriation well we had it me and Brendan Schaub had like one of the most hilarious fucking conversations we ever had was about chocolate Face what's that well bodybuilders that bodybuilders when they would do competition they do chocolate body but then they also do chocolate face like they make themselves brown with self-tanning I'm like that guy is wearing blackface yeah I'm like how is this different a black face and then we found out that some people are sensitive to it so they only tan from the neck down whiteheads and chocolate bodies like see this my God look at that how fucking strange wow that's kooky dude that's weird that's what they can looks like a Photoshop dude it's so crazy because they used to do their face to for continuity but they can't do that anymore because the outrage over black face it it's gotta be a bummer with the dong you know singing White sighs Dawn with that that color is so great let down folks so crazy it's really weird look at that

that guy's got black face whoa we went into this crazy rant about it and then it became like probably one of the most viral videos that we ever did yeah look at that yeah that's it right there that is why would you want to be that's a little dark right I mean well I see the wild definition well on the big screen with the lights on you I think that shows your muscles but okay yeah that's why they do it they really they're painting themselves uh-huh they paint themselves like a dye and it gets in the skin and it shows all the muscles out and shows highlights and contrast and everything wow is had another point now I lost it but it's funny how now everybody's getting on board with Bill Burr you know I call these certain Comics who used to hate them or like that special was great it was very thoughtful I liked it and you're like yeah but member when he was working it out you hated him you know let the guy let people work it out you know like let's not be so quick to hate the people who are all about open-mindedness and inclusion are so quick to shut people out ironically well most of them are bad they seem bad yeah

it's like not a lot of them that are really good like Greg really sharp and really funny yeah do you really care about that group or do you just want us to think you care about that group what are you doing for that they're struggling and they're probably thinking they're doing the right thing they might even trick themselves but if you really know what comedy is you know that people fuck around on stage to try to find a way to staff said things the wrong way all the time and said things in a way that used to be funny and now it's offensive like oh you fucking idiot you ruined the funny part of it by trying to make it more edgy in this direction now people just think you're mean or not people just think you're ignorant right you're trying things and maybe you come back six months later that bit might be murdering I might figure it out but it's just put it on YouTube like they did with Louis and like when when all those comments are getting pissed at him for that that Parkland shooting thing like pushing some just because you push some fat kid in front of the way I'm like look if you were in that audience that is a fucked up thing to say and it's funny and it went National there's no way he would have ever released that bit in that form now

but not ready right wasn't ready but he might have found a way to get you to laugh at it I guarantee you what if I guarantee you yeah he was good at I mean he had the bit about 9/11 he's like I jerked off you can tell how good of a person you are but when you jerk off how soon and he's like for me was between the two towers calling that's great I just yes why is it that you're allowed to shit on my taste because like let's say you were like my great-grandfather was in the Holocaust and I what I know that's not real obviously I'm that's a joke right but people go that is horrible you would say it's not real like oh you fucking idiot I'm joking you fucking queef you can say that to re and his his father was a holocaust Survivor was a gross dumb Hebe and look what do you want are you laughing wait stop Joey why are you laughing I know is my friend that'll mannequin promoting hate speech it's not the first time I just find that stuff funny and I have no I love the Jews you know it looks best I find everything funny it's funny if it's funny if it's funny if it's funny yeah all right well this is this is the last outpost the last outpost

in the world speech is what's what year what are you allowed to joke about yeah yeah yeah why well I guess because there's a lot of Truth in comedy there is a lot of Truth in comedy which like what we said earlier it's like sometimes it seems like that's what you're really saying because that's what it seems like you're just saying something because everybody could just say things right yeah you can say things like I think everybody that doesn't do comedy can string together sentences the way we're doing right now yeah so when you're on stage and you're saying things it seems real simple it seems like you're just saying shit and then I already say shit so I don't agree with what he's saying right well I have a forum look at this I've got a thing called Instagram right I think called Twitter and I'm gonna say shit to him about the shit that he said and then you're going to go hey I don't like it when they say shit about the shit I say and then it piles on and comes just like and then people go hey stand-ups under attack no morons have more of an ability to reach you now but but people have always been offended by jokes that they have a chance to express themselves but a lot of people are morons they're well educated people

new starting out in Santiago has a smart lady are smart guy like this is a well-educated person it's almost it's more than more on it there's like a Koolaid thing happening here with like little dots there's a little thing going on with like these people are almost I don't say brainwash he but there's not like a reality is kind of gone a little bit they're also they're almost like rap so wrapped up in their own horseshit that it's I don't know it's like taking over and then they currently a little bit of the compliance date yeah they build up from talking to each other like it reinforces it and they kind of get more more Juiced up and go fuck this is real hey and then you could you put the the the field goodness Factor on top of it like I'm a good egg I'm a good person and in this Society now of rewarding people who will shut you down for like people want to call out a racist guy not because they hate racism so much but because they know how many points it'll score my feel like there's definitely that happened I do think that's and I feel like you know you know when you go like to Italy so people actually trying to call

racing please do what basis of thing it's like order sexism or homophobia it's all bad obviously there's all kinds of things happening all at once the things is overwhelming he kind of managing it scale that's what it is you're dealing with you know if you have a million Twitter followers like good luck runs mentions you can't do that yeah yeah possible too much coming at you the core is you gotta know what you are yes you have to have a good group of humans around you too yeah you know that got help there's a lot of different factors that are going to be a play if you want to try to get through these fucking tuna Nets yeah you know because if you get caught up in any bullshit you'll I mean there's more bullshit for Comics to think about now than ever before transient response from people but there's also more avenues for you to put your shit out right mean you can just look at what Schultz is done and it shows just put his fucking special on YouTube yeah and he went from doing pretty good in clubs to selling out in theaters and doing multiple shows in a night unbeliever during it murdering right so this is

this is something not that never existed before yeah but he found it he figured out how to use it properly and now you like oh I don't even need those cunts over at this network they're telling me to wear the purple suit because it's funny and I like when your pants are too short I just think it fits them yeah I think the paint the short parents is just when I see him I mean Mark Normand short pants you're all well and we're so insecure and we do we go maybe they're right right this person has a house or even better you like this fucking moron is telling me to wear short pants I can't believe I have to take advice from this disco that to you do ya do if you want to get that Chopin exactly nonsense chaos there's just too much it's too much but you're still enough of us but it's still enough like real Comics out there yeah yeah it's a good number there's a good number real Comics the thing about this this Shane guy and this this this shit that happened to him it's like what they're doing is this unplanned shooting the shit conversation you know and they're they're from that

Legion of skanks sort of environment where everybody is constantly offencive and rewarded for it yeah it's funny and people enjoy that kind of just mean you know shit talking yeah and especially in this day and age where things are very PC as fun to say it it gets a little rise out of yes so what you people did was they took a clip of that and then it was like well we can't have this at the network well like as if that is everything that guy is I'm sure everybody says that guy's a good comic he's a good comic I haven't seen him yeah but it's a universally everybody says a good comment I've he's open for me and he's tough on is he's better off this way you know probably for sure yeah look apologize for that you know he already did you know he said he missed you know takes chances he misses you don't know that a million people going to listen to that it wasn't a great clip but again you don't know who he is folks the problem gotta stop calling people erase it that's the worst thing it a bigot in America is the worst thing you can be

any characters and worse I don't know anymore I don't know a serial rapist I here's a fun story I hooked up with a girl on Tinder we years ago and we were laying in bed after the sex and and she goes I got to tell your photo you look like a serial killer and I was like Jesus and he's like your photo you look easy she flipped out and like yours was worse but that's where we're at in our society you have you said I love my God murder multiple people of 10 you look easy but I guess the problem is she was easy I wasn't a serial killer but and again girls get all mad about that joke but I'm not I am nothing is easy I like sluts I think you just slut-shamed I am on my was a slut myself I love a good what do you call it good Hua go promiscuous it up I say that's also another weird thing like whenever guys I guess I fucked a bunch of chicks women go oh jeez like why are you slut shaming now why isn't he allowed to go fuck a bunch of people I don't but no one ever celebrates of a girl Fox a bunch of guys if a girls

how was your weekend I fuck ten different guys I don't even know them let them all come inside me uh-huh Carlos would be like what the fuck is wrong with you but uh sure interesting right if your buddy said he fucked 10 gals you'd like whoa but your anything to it you think even women go that's weird exactly yeah yeah interesting yeah women get mad if they find out their friends had like four Sons yeah that is weird well where's the love yeah it's the same with fat people we all talk about big is beautiful but then every girl goes to the gym and you're like who I thought was beautiful which one is it don't want you to feel bad sweetie okay that because I got some Spectra me shit where if you tell me one thing I'll believe it so II you're just lying to me now yes the just lying okay they're being my need that's not amazing you don't need to lose anything sweetie you're amazing your body is amazing yeah i--'cause I wasn't she's got a fucking jug of Mountain Dew sit next to her neck are she's not happy yeah nonsense this is not amazing this is a person that's eating themselves to death yeah it's very

healthy and then how long till we Outlaw mirrors that's common mirrors are terrible yeah cuz they need to do is just have a Snapchat filter for everything yeah we don't like truth truth is out will you imagine if augmented reality change your shape imagine if I put one of those new Google Glasses augmented reality glasses on and you looked like one of those body builders with the white face and the chocolate body but you were jacked and ripped if I took the shirt this the the glasses off you living a normal guy right but on them you know you could have the Sensation that you're with someone just incredibly attractive yeah you can have sex with them and never see the real body that's coming yeah for sure that'll be here and then people will get surgery to just keep the glasses on they won't want to take them off they pull them into hard but the fun part is working on your body it's like getting in there and fix some stuff and eating better and it's hard and you discipline yourself and you make it work and you turned down the ice cream and you get the kale you feel better that's what life's all about yeah but you're talking about discipline and some people don't wanna hear

shit they would rather just you be celebrated for who you are you're amazing everything is amazing there was a guy who got his real trouble happy he was a writer for Vox he's kind of a whiny dude anyway but that was his stick but he fucked up and he's a gay guy and he said that we should stop looking at these gay thirst trap pages with all these guys that have these unattainable bodies in these unrealistic body types and the gay folk went out of him with the fuhrer good good for them they fucking they were fury like that that like the idea of realistic body types in the gay community those guys are not trying to be young young wild gay dudes just DTF they don't want to get ahead sense let your fucking mouth exactly and that's the beauty as a straight white guy you know I'm the devil but you can't really say much I feel like if you're gay you got a little juice you know because I hey I'm gay I'm a gay man I'm a minority I'm a

my so you can be like fuck you were doing it this way don't try to tell us how to live and it seems like empowering but if you do it it seems kind of rally Clans e yes little Charlottesville e yeah you're like nice want to live too you know I thought we were all the same I'm sorry don't hurt me yeah I don't know it's a love the gays it's a fun time for great comedy hmm that's what I think it's a great time for great comment yes people are so happy when you make a point and it's kind of offensive but it's also hilarious and they have to agree with what you're saying because there's actually logic to what you're saying that that is for whatever reason that just turns people's engines yeah and especially now if you can weave through because I still have to perform for people who don't know who I am and I got a you got a weave through that offensive blog and get to the pot and still get a laugh it looks like you went under like the chicken wire right elbow is how you got there in the bombs are going off around yeah that's the punch yeah that's a good feeling yeah that's a great feeling it's like a puzzle you nailed it yeah it's just makes it a

a bit more difficult than when people try to do sloppy and clunky and you know sometimes they're doing it because the bits and progress like Louis I think that's where Louise thing was it was just in in the progress in the process rather of being created but when you let someone figure out how to navigate those hurdles sometimes you all of us will get a great reward yeah you know like you know like a great Chris Rock bit or you know a great Bill Burr bit that took a while to work out yeah these bits take a while to figure out where the juice in them is and it's a shame to get those out there before the juice gets you know it really is a shame aminal well it's a real fuckup because you know bits take a long time you know Chris Rock's bit about n-word yes yes that bit he said took like a year to work I believe it's long and it's heavy it's heavy and she said people were mad at him when he first started doing it wasn't doing well yeah but he figured out a way to just cut it down

to this perfect form that's just polish the diamond to the point where it's now like one of the most iconic bits of all time amazing but as I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood that bit hit home that was huge some murderous bit unbelievable yeah poignant it's hilarious it's great Titus health so many tags yeah it what made him and but it was also undeniable like the shit that he was saying in the bit was so undeniable is so well made yeah you know but that guy took a long time and imagine if somebody released that when there was a crowd that was mad at them yeah maybe they did it today and it was one of the times where he's first trying it out and you know someone releases it like you can't that's not you know it's comedy is this long process you can go watch it happen one of the cool things about the stores you'll get people to come back multiple times and they'll say yeah I saw you do this bit five months ago it's so much better it's amazing I'm a little bit well there's you were there that's the flaw of our art form and I hate to keep calling art form with a sound

pretentious Leaf is long as it's an edgy art form but you need people to work it out so they see the shit yeah and you know it would be nice if you could go Tinker in a lab and then go I got it Eureka but now you gotta block it out in front of these fucking fat white idiots I don't know anybody who is capable of writing all their material perfect it's not crowd page to stay a friend my Sam morril is like a joke technician beast and he'll text me shit I'm like that's amazing and he'll just go right up and do it but it's tough man it takes I like to play around with on stage because you never know where it could go and then you find a new thing because the audience the laughter helps you go a certain direction so I think a half and half is good yeah it's all the different styles to you know like I think like a guy like Hedberg yeah that's a completely Unique Style and he used to write a lot apparently yeah lat it a lot of material friend of mine open Forum to things he said he showed up he was

sleep on a couch probably like a heroine high and he's goes hi I'm Neil and the guy goes best job in the world and fell back asleep that's fun and until he said he would put Pages out on the front of the stage in front of the microphone and it was all like a new bit like note cards and so he would go joke joke joke then he would try a new one and then he would go okay joke one of the note card didn't work and he just did that all night wow did you do with those short jokes you have to have a lot of them oh yeah so yeah I would imagine like when did a special wonder if he had those note cards out on the stage we did because everything is non sequiturs yeah that's true and he's on heroin yeah there's not really how the fuck do you remember all the bits we on heroin did you know you probably knew all these heroin guys because I knew him a little Stanhope was closer to him yeah was I'd work with him before at The Comedy Store I knew him a little I was always a giant fan though he's loved

he's one of my favorite things to listen to when I would go to the airport because I would go to the airport and it would be like traffic sucks and it's just like but he was so silly it would put it all into perspective I just be laughing at silly nonsense like yeah right and so it was like a good thing to listen to for me right I would I associate it with going to the airport interesting well it's funny because I always use people go you know when you do a joke that's offensive they go you think racism is funny yeah if it said the right way you know it's like I don't think rice is funny but when Hedberg goes rice is great when you're hungry for 2,000 of something that's fucking genius yeah rice isn't funny but you make it funny it's the same with racism of the Holocaust or miscarriages or whatever you make it funny that's what jokes are well this is a time of compliance and this is one of the things that we've been talking about its compliance it's people want you to comply they decide that with this is a new day and you're gonna have to change your way oh boo hoo comedians you can't say what you want anymore yeah they will

cleansing tough shit not good they say that because they're not Comics they don't care they don't care whether or not they take your career a stop you from telling jokes they don't care they want compliance with they want compliance over at fucking Google they want compliance over the Chevy dealership they were compliance right what what is happening now is a trend of compliance and some of its gussied up and social justice Warrior ethic and some people are sincere some people really trying to help and all those things exist at the same time because there's always been people that are trying to get people to listen to them and do that what they want and you know we've always had friends that decide they're going to dominate where we go and what to say you know that one per share share going it's the best fucking movie trust me come on all of us we're going on oh great we got to go to Mike's movie alright that's always happened people always wanted to tell people what to do yes is a version of that along with there's a motive like well wouldn't it be better if there's no racism yes what's the best way

man and inclusion right man women be hired everywhere demand every board has a woman on it every so this is the way they're going and but it's not that's not the right way either yeah the right way is to never keep someone from the position because they're a woman yes but it's not to hire a woman if they suck yeah because they manage right there and he's great and I'm assuming that that's it was also not the higher the man because he said we needed we have to some men no no the women is killing it just hire the best I agree the women also you want to Pepper in that the media is a bunch of coozes who just come in and go oh we gotta fucking just a Sizzle of a scandal yeah throwing out there yeah but it might ruin a guy's name career and life who cares put it out there we'll make it one click from Bed Bath & Beyond it's worth it his whole name is tarnished but hey we might get some mad money from Ray-Ban throw it on with this is the click world you know I mean these people are starving to death he's journalists they have to get clickbait titles they have to have click baby stories they don't

no one's clicking and God forbid you work for someplace that's got a subscription model so you're writing for the Washington coast the New York Times and you know you can like read a chapter yeah it's like if you would like to read more please subscribe like it give you a taste like a crack dealer yeah notice yes I subscribe to a lot of them but I almost reluctantly click through with my locker and sure because I'm like what are you doing to me here yeah I already subscribe and you hit me with this grow sness right but how do they sleep at night they have to that's the only way to survive no one guess I'll look there's so many free pages and there's so many are quote journalists yeah then they're just fucking kids fresh out of college they might suck at journalism but they got a job writing for a website because they submitted something in the editor liked it and the editor might be a fucking moron yeah and they are wrapped up in this world of social justice Warrior ethic and this is the trend of the youth but here's the are all they all think that they're helping things yeah and look we all want

quality we want progress they don't realize that we want that we're just evil men to them I which is so gross but they don't realize that it's gonna come for them yes that's gonna you know it has it does it does it does and it's not pretty and then you're gonna go Jesus Christ how this happened it's gonna happen like that that monster the big leg there you go I fed it you fat monster no no one standing up like there's the real problem is stopping the real issues whether it's sexism or homophobia the real homophobia like people like chanting all fags go to hell I share it was Westboro Baptist Church that's real homophobic that's real it's not this perceived thing because you don't think that it's the best idea for Trans men do use a child's girls bathroom right you know what I mean like what are we doing here now we're all together everyone all genders yeah under nonspecific enormous bathrooms with giant men with dresses on shitting right next to a little girl

right you know why your father Waits outside like what do you what is this Lydia and it's stunts progress because you know you might say a fact like that you just read off Google you know you read off the census or whatever excuse me and it says like the the dropout rate with black children is through the roof or whatever and then you say that people go whoa whoa you're racist you're like well maybe if we work on that we can solve this problem and help it or you know like I thought you cared about this group like let's try to you know it's like we had a leaky pipe and you're like we got to fix that but whoa whoa what do you hate pipes they know I'm trying to let's work on it let's help yeah isn't that the whole point but if you call somebody these horrible things then the media picks up on that one little headline that one tweet and now you're fucked yeah so you can't do anything now you just fuck I don't even leave the house or tweet or say anything well this is a fairly new thing right the world of clickbait articles online and I think it's going to probably morph into something else yeah we probably won't even see that coming I guess that's what I'm thinking last Feel

we're going to go into two camps you want some of this I'm okay and I thought that's heavy duty OJ mayo is going to touch it Jimmy can't get too high enough he can eat at like a thousand milligrams Edibles into barely affects them I'm a shroom guy Jamie oh me too oh yeah enjoy them oh I love a shroom that's my favorite drug it's pretty goddamn good drug I mean no hangover it's five hours a lot better after it's over yeah you feel good you think some good shit yeah it's almost like clearing the trash yeah yeah that's what yeah like a defragging of the hard drive yes yes see you see some shit clearly you laughs it's almost you can't live like that because you're just stare at that knife and go alright that knife was made in Taiwan some guy he had a life he had a wife he had kids he was molested like you just keep going back and two hours on the 9th yeah and if you did that with everything in the fucking room Jeremy yeah then you go off into that world never move you never move that's true yeah or you go too far and then you like what's the point right

I am one of everything I'm a part of a molecule exactly killed and combines with all other molecules around it right need Adam Harris catron's and so I love Neil deGrasse I could just listen to that guy because he makes science accessible I'm like oh he's so ready to take a sip of water that water had a molecule in it from Abraham Lincoln who fucked a kid and that kid you know rode a donkey down a hill think Abraham loosing fucked in the kids gross freed the slaves at top hat and get in it oh no for a seven-year-old to go I found this really hard to hear sorry so yeah I like horrific jokes I do too man but eyebrows battles one of the rare places still left yeah where they can go hard in the paint right right I love that and then they hug afterwards yeah it's like part of the part of the show like you know Moses sets up the rules when he gets on stage and he says when it's over the no no physical nobody gets physical no pushin no shovin no hitting

but afterwards everybody hugs I love it I've seen that there's like a handicapped kid who gets fucking brutally shit on and then he'll shit on someone else would like and it's funny because it you go we talked about slut-shaming fat shaming you go down to the core again and those are all the jokes you know you fuck black guys you're fat as shit you're a whore you're you're secretly gay your mom fucks everybody like it all comes back to those old you know those old things we pretend like oh this doesn't matter you can do whatever you want but yet when it comes to insults it all goes back to that hard shit it's part of being a person yeah I mean this this this Utopia they're chasing if they ever achieved it would be the most boring fucking place on Earth it's not that we shouldn't work towards Utopia because that's ultimately going to make reality better agreed and it is better already yeah it's definitely better and that's another thing that people don't like to hear even though there is racism and sexism murder and rape and crime all over the world it is a fucking way better place to live today than it's ever been in history oh yeah

like that about it you and I and everybody listen to this we're all Lucky that we're live this time this is the time where you don't have to worry about you know invading hordes of Mongols coming over the hill right swords and fucking bows and arrows you have to worry about you don't have to worry about most things that people lived in fear of in terms of disease and injury most of that stuff that can fix yeah they can diagnose things now people live way longer now there's nutrition and health is way more things to do and listen to oh yeah I think about if nobody was smart enough to invent a plane or the internet or cars we'd be fucked there's more Geniuses now than ever in history yes this is a wonderful time yeah with this a few problems but there's also a bunch of whining con to fuck up everything because all they do is constantly complain and they make you miss the beauty of Life yes what did I say the better things are the more people complain it's the rich lady at the nice restaurant with the lukewarm Champagnes also people that are in this cult this is

cultural Trend the cultural trend is like complaining and activism and they think even journalists should be activists right they should be promoting the ideology that they subscribe to and this is what's also leading to a lot of this censoring people on social media and you know Andy platforming people all that stuff comes from the same sort of idea that you're going to your socially engineering the world instead of subscribing to the First Amendment to freedom of speech so we can all work out who should be able to see who's right and who's wrong yeah when you soon as you say that someone can't talk then you don't allow this working out process was decided that you're the dictator right right so if you've got this sculpture of compliance where everybody is almost shamed and bullied into believing one thing and pushed into this direction and especially when the vast majority of tech is controlled at least socially by people that

subscribe to very Progressive ideas and very liberal ideas and that's also a part of the culture of the people that are going to universities and those are the people that are getting the jobs at Google right so it's all this self fueling thing yeah yeah and I'm a liberal cuck douche twat loser but I feel like there's some you can have some common sense here you got to stay like out of the out of that weird fog that everybody gets in and then the brainwashing happens and they all start blowing each other and it's chaos yeah you gotta you gotta stay out of the weeds yeah and even that Andrew young guy like talking about getting people to stop beating me like that hey no yeah come on stop you can't that's why I liked about him he was analytical he was just let's fix this problem that's that it's broken he probably believes that that's key to making the world a better place I think there's a lot of people that would argue against that I think if he sat down with those people and how debate I don't think you do well and I think I think if someone who could explain the nutrition requirements

look really explain based on act like crisscross our guy based on actual science someone like Rhonda Patrick know you you're not going to stop people from eating beef just stop yeah that's not smart it's not wise you going to put all these ranchers out of businesses and elitist thing to say you know understand how many jobs are on the line you understand how many people love steak and wouldn't have a problem if you don't kill the cow tell me what happens they live forever what happens they become fairies or happens and what do they get in there let them free they get taken out by bears and mountain lions in your backyard so we rise of predators and we just let them breathe everywhere and then every time you try to drive to the store a bull comes the smashes into the side of your fucking car because it's got a hard-on right because that that would happen we going to let them roam free yeah he's gonna call them you gonna give them birth control what are you gonna do we can do at this point how about we just eat them responsibly and ethically how about that how about we feed him grass it's real healthy food and if you believe a Life Is Life just one life is worth a life well you're responsible for way more death because you're responsible for

birds and bugs and ground-nesting birds and fucking rodents and anything that gets chopped bunnies they get chopped up in those combines yeah farm lands it displaced wild animals left and right they put fucking pesticides into the ground there's a lot of fucking chemicals to get released into the ground even look would you would call like organic agriculture like you're still using machines you're still there's a lot of bad shit that happens to the world salsa funny how like they these people love animals so much and yet if you watch like an Animal Planet animals of the most vicious cruel evil survivalist they're just get out of my way I want to save my family or eat dinner but they're right about factory farming the right about the repulsive feeling that you get when you look at animals they're stuffed into these pens and these inhumane conditions they're right about that they're not right about Farms though they're not right about sustainable Farms like Joel salatin he's got it has this place called polyface Farms where they talked about large

scale natural Agriculture and raising animals in the environment they're supposed to be in like we have pigs they move around a fence so they create a fence of these pigs and then they move the fence to another location after certain times of the push to pigs into this new area and the pigs are always free so they're always free roaming and eating acorns and stuff the pigs naturally eat and these you know I think they supplement them with other food as well and healthy food but they're there they don't behave like a scared animal that's trapped in a pen just freaking out they they live like an animal lives yeah you know there were the argument and it's a real argument like why should you be able to kill why should you be able to eat something that's an animal it's a good argument it's a real argument and if you really are an ethical person and you look at that argument and that's your point like we shouldn't be able to kill it's a good I understand you don't want anything to die and you don't want anything to suffer what are the way I look at it is the natural world is this fucking shark

that's what I'm saying and all you're doing if you are eating meat if you're eating it in an ethical way you're removing most of that from the animal's life and that the end of the animal's life you're putting a bolt through its brain you might think that that's a horrible terrible thing to do that that that cow gets shut off in a second but if that cow was living in the real world it would get ripped apart by Wolves right that's what I will cow used to be you should be an animal that had a run for its life in the Wolves would sneak up on them and they would tear their legs apart and start eating them asshole first I've seen this products that's what every animal does it's crazy all die like that all herbivores that live in a farm environment if they're free range they're grass-fed cows that are just wanting around all of them live a far superior life to any of their wild counterparts they'll live longer they'll be healthier and if it's someone like a Joel salatin or someone who does like ethical farming where they have large

L like big giant patches of land where these animals are allowed to roam free and eat grass the only real problem they have is when Grizzlies move in that's when they have a problem when Grizzlies and wolves find out about their cattle so when their natural enemies of these animals encountered them and these encaged areas then they have to keep them out they have to protect these animals they're going to kill from the animals that want to kill him the whole thing is crazy it's crazy but it's crazy on both sides it's all entitlement really it's like a narcissism like we need to stop this and this is a but you like know the world has a plan already it's gonna happen is it is a food chain and a pecking order and but I'm gonna get eaten but I don't think we should support factory farming and I think they're right about that and I think when you when you see factory farming you see the horrific conditions as some of these animals have to live in and then you know they just I mean some of the pig farms man they flew a drone over one of them and it had a lake I mean I like a little Ariel with pig shit and piss and it was the most disgusting looking fucking

like in these animals were all stuffed into this area they would shit into this pipe and the pipe would lead into these enormous Lakes pig shit and piss and you're like well these are like these meet factories he's meat / torture factories but that's not how pigs supposed to live right a pig supposed to live like the Joel salatin pigs live I thought they were wandering around deny Pig in shit then that the thing glop they like the roller is some pigs I think like to roll around in the day gently roll around and shit but they don't want to just live stuff on top right sitting into our metal great Gift Giver see that video Jimmy right of course yeah and you pulled off of YouTube but it's kind of pretty terrifying video it's like rehab ever look at a rehab they're always so nice you know these people are always like oh this paper was a person was a heroin addict we gotta save him like maybe I'm asking it out on heroin and go to rehab their like in Malibu and shit yeah the Overlook the ocean yeah they're amazing Birds it looks pretty good right but hey I've never done heroin

because I know I'll get hooked yeah it seems like one to avoid yeah I don't think pain pills are good to take I've dabbled but yeah I know how addictive it is Jordan Pederson just checked himself into rehab why yeah whoa whoa for what he got on an anti-anxiety Klonopin anti-anxiety medication because his wife is That's Heavy on with his wife's dealing with heavy cancer liver cancer yeah and she's been going through operations and apparently she's doing well now and he's trying to get off of this stuff and when he tried to get off of it he had such a horrible withdrawal that he is according to his daughter it's on the news yeah he had to check himself in so he it's an anti-anxiety medication apparently that's how it's used some one of the ways it's used but it's a strong one Klonopin it sounds like a drug that people take that I mean my friends took that in high school that's no Xanax that's like everybody what is it like

it was just like it shut you down it was you know just is that one of the ones that they got you ruined to take people off a heroine that's methadone but isn't there another one wasn't it isn't Klonopin one of those ones they use is therapeutic some people take it recreationally going to K do yeah oh he holds come on up and put you in a k-hole to all right that's kind of mean I'm scared yeah but I've seen people take it to the it'll fuck it just fucks you up yeah like two beers and you're one of my friends try to jump out of a window on it like it is bad news I think he was just really devastated his wife was essentially dying right in front of his eyes and so he probably couldn't handle it so you got on some medication wow it's he's one of those guys like he's tough as a bull he'll be fine but then you know everybody's human well also I think he's wise enough to understand its physical limitations and I I don't have never experienced real withdrawal I mean I've experienced like caffeine withdrawal but never like a real second opiate withdrawal apparently it's fucking horrible hey it might actually be a smart thing to check yourself into rehab with

bullet know how to deal with it and help you through it you know it's not actually it's the same thing as Klonopin it's called Clon as a Pam yeah okay so there's like a street named their doctor but a doctor prescribed it right which is weird like oh the doctor gave him the crack it's okay well although it's those are bad news Pharmacy crack yeah that's what fentanyl is Right fentanyl that a control panic disorder and anxiety and seizures it can cause paranoid or suicidal ideation and a pair memory judgment and coordination combat this makes sense for a lot of people I know combining with other substances particularly alcohol can slow breathing and possibly lead to death jeez there you go doctor needed doctor doctor prescription tell a hook it up dude I can't I just can't I need some klonopin but why you never take a percocet and just laid in the pool no baby either a percocet or of Vicodin once at one of my knee surgeries yeah and I was like this is terrible so really all

going to hate it it well that's good that's a blessing you don't want to like it it made me really stupid yeah but my brain was so numb I was like I'd rather be in pain wow ignorant and a convulsion or entice antiepileptic drug as well huh mmm that means it's strong so I must do a bunch of different shit yeah also use cheap panic attacks so you must have been having panic attacks yeah I mean if it's the best time of your life you know you were an embattled Professor fighting against social justice Warriors and then some sort of crazy law that was going to enforce a hundred and ninety-eight thousand gender pronouns and he was like hey this is crazy let's stop stop stop remember that and then he becomes a national celebrity and people fight him and they're angry with them but also people are realizing the extent of the chaos it's going on these universities where these day them zemser demand these pronouns these nonsensical made up pronouns and he was like you can't enforce speech you can't force people to his like you understand understand what this is and where this goes yeah

leads to tyranny and everybody thought he was being like really exaggerating and over the top then as Times Gone on you realize like oh no he just saw all this he saw this coming he was right like people are radicalizing and there and it's about a lot of it is about compliance they won't be able to comply I want you to comply with my new pronouns

if you're seen a video there's a video where this guy goes up and he says Hey guys point a privilege I have a what was it what did he get a problem with I mean I get distracted very easily and if you could just please keep the fidgeting and the moving around to it and then this other guy gets up after him and says I just want to stop the gendered language and we're saying I mean and they're serious and the woman who's given the speech is calling everyone comrades yeah she's calling them contractor she's like a socialist you gotta listen to this you're gonna fucking how give me some volume this is a university

no it's that sounds as socialist convinced yes here listen Alyssa's capital

fight for the demands that we want and to win socialism thank you so much no it's a quick point of privilege quick guys like a schedule James Jackson Sacramento he him I see here's my sake please keep the chatter to a minimum what about you who's very very prone to sensory overload a lot of whispering and chatter going on it's making it very difficult for me to focus poor guys can we just I know it's we're all fresh and ready to go but can we please just keep the chatter to a minimum it's affecting my ability to focus thank you so much hold on not enough thank you comrade please do not use gendered language took to address everyone this is scary man wow oh wow I've played this gig but boy thank you comrade that is the person that went up there oh do do the dress and a red wig I just want a hug

guys I'm gone folks we got all we gonna Live From a Distance on YouTube well yeah over here that's just a good point I gotta wanna be there I don't wanna be there either but I thank you comrade we're going to make socialism when it does that's their foot soldiers people that get easily distracted and get mad when you call everybody guys want a privilege whoa point of personal privilege I didn't know that was a new thing but I'm gonna use that from now I like that time I'm upset about something at my house I missed a point of privilege you guys turn the volume down these stupid shitty show you're watching next time I get heckled at a show I'm gonna go hey you didn't say point of privilege before you called me a homo when I was still working at a restaurant they made it a point to tell us that two restaurants they ice at us down this is probably 2010-2011 to stops its I've seen it come around now again to stop saying guys something like hey guys it's like folks yeah or like what would I like don't use the word guys I'd love the word folks are using all the time I use folks all the time it's a fun thing to say yeah like folks like it I actually

Joy the word it's very comedy hello folks yeah yeah it's like a light-hearted yeah greeting I'm into it folks is good I'm on board with folks problem I had with it all of the tables wouldn't do it back to us that they would all use guys and it almost a lot of times B women using it and I'm like I'm like fighting the language really that's a microcosm for the whole country isn't it shit some people claim to them that they're not woke and you should have you should have educated out of it work wasn't at this is an opportunity to educate and you fucking drop the ball and that's why they turned on you they turn on you you should use your platform for good this is an opportunity to educate and what are you doing if your comedy is not involving progress and social justice and it's bullshit this is during like Occupy Wall Street so Mike mike check mike check is what's my check the would yell it out mike check mike check all pigs must die no they like start like this fucking Champ but they would yell out mic check like if someone needed to say something they would yell out mike check mike check and everybody else would listen

you can say they're playing they're playing they're playing protests funds like a hip hop class like my we should play Cowboys and Indians but that's racist you can't do that anymore so now they play protester yeah I remember that Wall Street thing I went down those kids are Bankers now and you know that no because of the protesting how do you like that 50% of them no way I made that number up alright hundred percent made it up but I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me those kids just gave up and they now they drive Ferraris and do a lot of coke I black I knew it yeah it was wanted to belong that was the interesting about the Aziz special when he said who saw that thing in the post the guys I saw he goes was it the post goes yeah there was a buzz because I made the whole thing up did you see that and now these special know that was the best part of the whole special was he just made up a scandal it was how many people saw that like you know half the hands go up and he's like what paper was it in the guy was like I think was the post and he goes well I made it all up the guy look like a complete idiot and it was a great moment to just showed were so scared not being on the right side and not being around and aware that you just lie right you know what Netflix forever oh my

yeah it's fucking embarrassing the comments assigned to release you fucked up I guess so I'm you it's always shocking what people will sign you see cops or whatever you like wow so my side the off on that oh yeah yeah every episode those people have to sign off yeah some lady's got a bag of crank and her Hatchet wound and she's like yeah I'll sign that he's speaking of crank member Crank Yankers that was a great that's kind of a new season Florentine is very happy oh that show they used to do it in Vegas so because it was in Vegas Vegas you can record someone's phone calls if they don't know it's okay in California like everybody else to know you know I have to say hey man I'm going to record this call and I'm like okay my name is Mark Normand yeah and then we'd go ahead write in Vegas doesn't matter they just call you up no laws what makes you wonder I just realized that showed no one answers the phone anymore no one talks on the phone how you going to crank call somebody right robocalls I think it's like customer service people and businesses you can

still get people to answer older people and I'll answer occasionally every now and then like who's this fucking number also when did it go from prank to crank when I was a kid it was prank hmm what did that flip yeah why well I think yeah Crank phone calls though when I was a kid okay I was a kid we used to call Crank phone calls maybe it was be like someone right did I think you do a prank and you do a crank phone call like a prank crank I wonder if that's from Crank like the old phone you had to spin that weird thing oh you get that a Google will you Jai Ma I wonder if that's an origin when I was a little boy you'd have to do that thing with the dial oh yeah the rotary I remember when they invented push-button phones I thought it was magic it's a fuss no muss findable so much time the rotary was like my grandfather's house I found ways to make calls us forever and if you got all the way to nine and you fucked up I had to hang out on my God just start all over again took so long to make a call my Generations version of that

T9 texting member oh yeah nine nine nine eight eight eight four five five two two two you know and it took six weeks to tell somebody I love you yeah that was terrible but if they could do that they have those little flip phones today that Nokia just released a bunch of them that have a few Google apps in them and I wonder if they just had voice to text if they just had voice to text you might be able to get by just talking your text messages out but on a flip phone oh no no no but they have a couple of Google apps I wonder if those flip phones have voice-to-text internet I'm pretty pretty sure of that that like it connects to the Internet so no no pain does it connect to the internet you know by default it's not you know I mean well they have apps though I think most of these phones like even these ones that are would flip phones and probably 3G and 4G I am and I'm not saying they don't connect I'm just saying like by default they're not like connected like my iPhone I think I'm pretty sure it's connected the internet right now all the time because the right apps running so when you're doing Siri and it's do

voice translation it's connecting to an AI app that's translating your eyes and they're not like what that flip fun if it's not connected to their and that you'd have to have all of that stored on the phone now you have to have a big hard drive right that's it but that's the difference between that and like notes because notes is doing it right from your phone you could have you could have your phone on airplane mode and you talk into the notes yeah and you could be on a plane and you could say it and it'll translate what you're saying well you don't have to say the only thing I want I said you want to say your bid on it you're not wrong you're not wrong you're right about Siri Siri doesn't work when you're not connected to the internet but like right here like we could do this we can go into notes I'll put my phone on airplane mode all right I'll shut off the Wi-Fi it's less accurate or something like could we gotta be I just don't think I think Siri is actually doing a bunch of different shit not just translating your text where's this is translating your text if you like text message somebody my point they might be able to get that on a

own would have nothing to do with the internet but you could just write like a text out like so I'm offline here let's try it Mark Norman has been sucking cock secretly since he got here bam it did it so whole thing yeah didn't nail it yeah nailed it wow maybe it's true it nailed it also with no internet so it's definitely not online wow see airplane mode is off at Sierra's on Wi-Fi is off that means I listen to everything no it means your phone can translate text to speech or speech talking to so flip phone you could get by with a flip phone that does that but that T9 nonsense that Ari shaffir us to use but again just don't say your bits into your phone and public you know be like not sieges sandwich you know and that'll get you kicked out of a you know right Southwest flight yeah if you like sitting there waiting in line at a flight like a magic not Siege is was the most delicious shit on Earth something about really hating it is the purest is that the whitest it's something like you have to get them

I really hate Jews and you suck their cock right when they're in full sieg heil and it's like the sweetest nectar well that imagine if they found that out like how the fuck did they find out that the fish eggs were edible have caviar's were something all that shit's clams all that shit's crazy when they looking for even cheese you know some guy had to eat old milk yeah oh my God right or lemon just a lay-by no lemon like I'll keep this well what does that route that the casaba that they eat in the Amazon there's this route that apparently it creates strychnine this is a yeah it's like one of the main Staples of their diet to and it you they have to soak it and process it in water and I learn better believe that water around like little kids and nobody ever fucks with water because it's like full-on poison yeah and they just have a bucket of it sitting around if you drank it it kill you instantly crazy strychnine water and they take that cassava root and they turn it into a bunch of different dishes whoa it's this really nutty process where they have to boil this stuff for like hours and

rain it Deuce my friend Steve rinella was filming his show called me detour on Netflix now they're seeing that and he was watching them make this cassava shit and if you do it wrong it kills you yeah and it's the main thing in their diet wow happy Oka comes from why it's what starts extracted from the cassava root through a process of washing and pulping what is tapioca Jesus I mean is it a sides delicious it's a pudding right what's better tapioca or vanilla pudding tapioca why I don't know I don't know but it is puddings kind of gone away I love pudding I love chocolate but all I guess like a snack pack member those God I could eat eight of those you know what the real pudding is though the people don't get any more they don't get the putting that you make when you mix it and you make it on the stove gets the skin on top of that skin black skin I like crack into the skin yeah track is skin to get to the then you put it in your bowl and it's warm when you eat it yes pudding like pudding yeah

yeah he could have Jell-O pudding but this better companies well Cosby this must be other companies you don't you yellow is the big Jell-O pudding because of Cosby I mean they're for real forever connected to him yeah but I think he's been out for a minute of Doug shellow business yeah but that put Mary was that little box it was so excited that Bach powder shake the pouting head the whisker pan yes the blender rather whatever you it was I think oh well lecture one the Whisk that or you could do it that way yeah yeah you get all the stuff dissolved all the powder dissolve yeah then slowly simmering on the stove he'd always get mad if your sister was like turning up the heat too much you turn too much gonna burn fucking anyway you're doing Jell-O instant pudding there it is still out there still gone yeah see those packs when you open them up not as good right not as good but I'll tell you what it's goddamn delicious Jell-O pudding with its they have a sugar-free Jell-O pudding it sounds like no sugar in it at all and you could eat like a

of them and it's like it doesn't even feel like you ain't anything yeah yeah how about that was big as a kid and rice krispie treats like the real ones on in the pan that was a big deal once what is this what are they doing they're Puttin putting on a stake oh interesting so what that is is it's take part in steak pudding what maybe it's so tender oh yeah I think that's what can make it into a pudding I don't know preview is just dumb cutting steak real thin this was a make chocolate pudding look at these guys whoa oh my God this used to be like an afternoon like you would do this now let's go buy it what the hell week amazing how this is a different thing this is like steak and some sort of 1788 look how that look the dress like old-timey people like they're not what's those Brothers the made those visit variety owes the songs those brothers that what they all wore like the clothes from the 1800's they track at a mason jars with last time who this guy's not that habit Brothers no no

God damn it I want to say that Bronson Bronson brother that's not it either you know what I'm talking about no no idea let's leave this podcast with everybody in suspense never gonna find that someone's gonna tweet you had it in my head yesterday so I was just thinking of that moment relations brother the other monsters in Mysore of my of oh oh oh the singers yes yes yes yes Eva no Mumford and Sons who are the sons of who's Mumford is that word question see that's exactly the dress is that right oh old-timey do they are they still around oh no guys were great they were got some live ones they were Killers it yeah alright music but they dress real old-timey did they update they did a loss that a little bit but but didn't they have like videos with a dress like they're over 18 hundred yeah

there weren't like somebody forced him into that guarantee there's a marketing guy behind that I don't know I don't know I need you I need you in these vests Wester going to make it no one no one is wearing vests ahead of us you guys can be the vest guys I'm telling you a lot of outfits to wear when you have a banjo and a stand-up bass that's true banjo is a whole accessory in it so now you can dress like that now they're just like cool guys those guys might as well be The Black Keys those guys are killer they really they cook Jordan Pederson post photos with Mumford & Sons ha ha ha well they're both doing they're both doing Oxycontin hey yeah Mark Normand says almost four hours in no oh shit three hours and like what 40 minutes or something 3:12 my podcast for Christ yeah tell people how to get to it to iTunes the whole jizz you know how it goes the internet Tuesdays with stories me and Joe list

and yeah I'm on the road Mark Normand comedy.com follow me on Twitter and telling me in the whole thing and he's gonna be with me tonight at the empire for two shows yay we're so excited to Texas own Smith and Ally Makowski so we'll see you freaks their praise Allah bye everybody big kiss Thank you folks for tuning in to the show thank you to our sponsors thank you to calm get yourself some sleep kids it's important and you can also get 25% off a calm premium subscription had com.com Rogan that chal m.com / Rogan 40 million people have downloaded cam found out why at com.com / Rogan get calm it's excellent it'll help you sleep legitimately we are also brought to you by Heineken 0 0 Heineken 0 0 is Heineken it tastes like Heineken

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