#1307 - Greg Fitzsimmons

May 31, 2019

Greg Fitzsimmons is a writer and stand-up comedian. He also hosts a podcast with Alison Rosen called “Childish” that is available now on iTunes & Stitcher.

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Hello friends and welcome to the show I use a thing called a teeter inversion table and I've used it for I don't know how many years but many more than 10 probably more than 20 I first got gravity boots and I'd heard that it's really good for your back and it's also a great way to do sit-ups you hang from your ankles like oh that looks dope doing situps hanging from your ankles literally it's probably what I thought that's how stupid I was but it's great for your back it uses gravity and your own body weight to decompress your spine and relieve pressure on your discs and surrounding nerves the inversion tables the best way to do that the Teeter inversion tables you do just a couple minutes a day and make it a part of your daily routine and I do it all the time I love doing it I love doing it just to stretch everything out relax and loosen up they've also sold more than 3 million of these things this is the best known names

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the years ago and and I love them to death and he was fucking hilarious today the Great and Powerful mr. Greg Fitzsimmons

The Joe Rogan Experience trained by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day I'm looking up the title of a book I want to talk about which book it's an audio book and it was about reconstruction oh we were just talking about slaves yeah and it was about how you know once the once the slaves were freed they still perpetuated slavery by it's called and I'm going to find it by slavery by another name but douglas douglas Blackmon and it's about how they would they had they put loitering laws in all around the country and they would find black people and if they were standing around they would arrest them or if there was like a petty larceny or a domestic violence thing they'd arrest them for fucking two years with the trial with one judge and no jury and they judge was very often

a magistrate of the coal mining company they send that the prisoner to a coal mine for two years where he worked seven days a week with shackles on and they would fucking whip them and if they tried to escape they tracked him down with dogs and they beat them sometimes to death and this went on for fucking decades

Jesus yeah right so people talk about will slavery ended back at no forms of slavery went on for a long time not only that slavery ended and what effort was done to sort of rectify the situation what effort was done to like try to give even opportunities for people who grew up in African American cities that were predominantly slaves before 1865 yeah like what what's ever been done 40 acres and a mule do they ever get that is that real I don't know I think it was a but even even if you're dealing with that even if some people got 40 acres and a mule like but is that enough ah like the whole thing is crazy like if you have an entire country that the ancestors that did most of the work did it against their will hmm

and then you just like yeah yeah well you don't have to do that anymore

and then people like we want reparations and white people are like that was a hundred years ago you know and at Georgetown you read about this Georgetown University is giving reparations to the slaves that built the university so the families of the slaves they ancestors down with like 23andMe or one of those companies and and they they're fucking knocking on doors and they're like hey are you blah blah blah well your great-great-grandfather built Georgetown University and they're assessing the students I don't think it's official yet but it looks like it's happening my concern their senses a big bike 50 bucks each or something my big concern so it's going to go the other way hmm

they're going to track down people's DNA and going to go we found out that your family profited from slavery like yeah I'm 22 Yeah right what the fuck did I do yeah give me all your money all of your money all your ill-gotten gains yeah you like but no no my dad had a legitimate job he worked for H&R Block and this NE yeah yeah but his grandfather got his money to raise his dad

because he had slaves yeah well wasn't Schwarzenegger's grandfather and SS we don't talk about that he was easy yeah grandfather was I give is a green shirt whoa

you know like there's a kid named John Gotti the third is John Gotti the gangsters grandson yeah he's an MMA fighter oh no shit it's good no shit yeah wow so far he's fighting on these small promotions but he's fucking people up with jacked wow yeah yeah I remember John because I lived on Mulberry Street in yeah I remember later lace and it was a fucking Tama department and downstairs literally downstairs and one door over was the ravenite social club which was where gaudy met on Wednesday nights yeah all the bosses would pull up and the the kapos and I don't know the terms but they lined up fucking limos you set up the Mulberry Street oh yeah they'd walk up and down the street smoking cigars and John Gotti Jr was kind of in charge at that time which I guess would be this guy's father Yes and he pair wasn't known as being that sharp who are you

all the families earning kind of fell apart since then well I don't think there's I think the FBI just had unlimited resources government backing and they slowly pick the fucking organization apart and it's got people to rat on each other they bugged the ravenite social club they got inside they bugged it and then when they found out it was bugged the the Wise Guys would walk up and down Mulberry Street and talk about their business so they both the cars on the route they bugged the hubcaps of the cars around you heard about that yeah well that was always the thing about that guy the chin was the same the chin GG Aunty how the fuck do you say his name Vincent the chin and he was crazy but he wasn't crazy but he would act crazy she'd walk around about bathroom right yes he was up on trial he was out on bail he's out of his fucking yeah just right wanted to streets with a bathrobe on playing crazy that's him okay she just walking around I'm crazy yeah that was a bug temp2 that would be fun to pretend you're crazy I think he was actually the guy that they

with the hubcaps oh yeah or maybe what maybe they use that tactic more than once yeah these guys you know they had a fucking neighborhood where they would go to and when they were in that neighborhood that was their territory right like when you were living there was that going on like God he was out of jail it was an exam jail was in jail when yeah but they still they took most of the guys I think I think they're really headquarters is more in Brooklyn but they still came back to Mulberry Street and it is literally across the street was st. Patrick's School which is where Robert De Niro and Scorsese went to school as kids and we're remember the film Mean Streets yeah that was shot member they jump over the wall into the cemetery that's that's St Patrick's coolants across from the ravenite social club fuck I don't remember anything about that movie I Remember the movie but I don't remember anything about what happened and I need to see that one again yeah I need to see that one again you don't I saw again recently bullet Queen receipt on the plane I think I did see the show

to play now yeah United or something what that fucking that's my car I saw that movie when I was young and I said I want that fucking 69 Fastback Mustang that's a badass car beautiful car yeah 68 is it 68 67 or 68 yeah it's a 68 this is very specific shape that the 68 had they had like the best rear end it's a beautiful they had really good cool setup with the rear tail tail lights at 68 there's a little broader it's just it was weird looking yeah just real unusual and compared to some of the other Mustangs but I love it yeah it's my favorite I think and you watch those movies like that and you realize you think it's going to be there's one big car chase that's it yeah it's long as long as it's not low yeah but you know different there were different they weren't afraid to do a tracking shot for two minutes we have no dialogue yeah just fucking follow a guy walking walking down the street yeah we just assume people are stupid as fuck

and because of comments and because stupid people want to comment so often the signals all skewed towards stupid you know like a movie like zmc LeMans with Steve McQueen and other great Stephen King movie there's no talking at all for the first x amount of minutes of the movie is no talking just cars racing right him driving around and shit yeah there's no talking yeah and if you were a movie theater today there was no talking people like is this broken and did you forget the fucking part with a gonna talk dude fucking time yes look there you say something the original 68 Mustang and that's also a 68 Charger that he's in a race with original 68 Mustang I think just went for sale think somebody just bought it look at that you mean the one from this movie yeah that hero cars you know cuz ya erect a few of these fuckers fuck yeah if they're doing like how many cars did they reckon Gan would say Gone in 60 Seconds that Nicolas Cage movie we drove that Eleanor Mustang yeah well do direct a bunch of those how many fucking orange challenges do you think they needed to get

for oh my God Sweeney wrecked one in every episode that to me is one of the more interesting episodes in our culture that that show which was a beloved part of our past is now taboo you will never find it anywhere because the Confederate flag on the roof and when we were kids oh yeah that killed better it's fucking KKK it's racism is white sheets it's when we were kids it meant the South yeah it didn't mean the same thing there's a fucking poster that I have over the pisser from Leonard Skynyrd concert from like set sometime during the 70's they have a giant Confederate flag behind them well uh yeah but it didn't mean they were racist it meant they were from the South but somewhere along the line it shifted this is where the argument gets weird right because people will say hey it's not about that it's about Southern Pride I understand it used to be about Southern Pride but now unfortunately that flag is now connected to racism so you're sending out a bad signal yeah

what you want that flag to mean for you that's great but what that flag means for other people is now changed and you either accept that or you know you're fighting against it oh you can't get me the fucking truth this means this to the people don't they're not think people don't have time to rationally consider whether or not you're racist or whether or not you're from the south what are you why do you have that flag they don't have time to consider that they just go oh you must be in the KKK oh you must hate black people oh bang There It Is racist you got that flag so some something shifted like really radically and deduce a hazard is like a great metric of it so one of the great things in our culture we could use to measure you know look what happened you had a hit show that literally sparked a type of clothing the Daisy Dukes for gay men yeah and for girls that are really sad like we see a girl with Davies Daisy Dukes like sweetie you don't need that you're hot without it oh you shitting me so hard

those Daisy Duke I just went to a food truck before I got here and there was an Asian girl and like my favorite kind of Asian girl she was believe Filipino big lips Tad dark tan with Daisy Dukes oh my God open-toed sandals beautiful feet nice pedicure we freaking out it was it was just me and her so I couldn't stare and it was so painful you ever like you're fighting your neck like don't fucking turn keep your head straight here's what's interesting and this is the dynamic that there's a difference between men and women if we were just describing the exact same thing but you were a girl and you were describing a guy it would be innocent yeah it would be nothing it wouldn't be creepy it'd be like that girl's so horny oh my God like if she was like I was in line and behind me was Jason Momoa you know Aquaman oh my God and if you think he looks good and movies he looks so good in real life sweetie I couldn't stop I was looking right at his dick I looked

dick I looked this face I looked his dick and look and he starts smiling when I start nodding and no one would care no and you say that girls liberated she's afraid she's crazy there goes wild if she could maybe grab it on the way out Talia little give a little tap tap tap no it's gonna call the cops right but if that's the difference and that's I think this is something that as men this is a shaky one because there are definitely some fake male feminists out there that are just doing it because they want women to love them and they say a bunch of shit that really screws the curve up but if you're being honest and being rationally have to realize that the way a woman perceives being hit on is going to be way different than the way a guy does because the girls in danger she's in potential danger like legitimately yeah like if you were some fucking serial killer psychopath and you decided to follow her back to her house that's on the menu that's on the menu how rare is it that you meet a girl somewhere

what's come back to your house and kill you yeah pretty fucking well yeah Aileen wuornos that monster for the Charlie's throw a movie oh yeah that girl's a prostitute and she would she would pick guys up and they would think they're gonna go get laid and should kill him right and they were all so it wasn't you know people can demonize the the John because he's picking up a right rz1 hooker because he wants not ex-ac it's not victimless yeah but you know he just wants sex he doesn't to get murdered but she was tortured and you know abused so horribly in her life that men became the enemy yeah there's a big lesson in that man I've known guys and watch them as they got older and like failed relationship after failed relationship where they started developing this like resentment towards women you know this is like a deep seeded like fuck them all they want is this and all they want to because what they're getting from the women all the time as negative beginning rejection because they're trying to get laid the what the women the touch them and the women are like I'm not really into touching you I'm like fuck these whores and they eventually develop this thing

where they just hate isn't it a name for those guys misogynists now there's like an online sale in yeah insults are guys who I think mostly they're talking about like like a lot of those guys are like genetically unfortunate yeah fucked up own struggle and small but and that's why there's an argument for legalized prostitution because there are men that just because of deformities or whatever reason or maybe they're maybe they're even neurotic where they can't hit on a woman and so there should be a place where a woman can knowingly and confidently and safely be a prostitute yes yes it should be your option the problem is we equate prostitution with two things that are horrible sexual abuse and sex slavery sex trafficking we equate prostitution with those things that's why I like when Robert Kraft got busted one of the first things they said is this guy's a billionaire and he was participating in sex trafficking

that's the accused him of but then they had to drop that I don't know if you know that now so there was no sex trafficking there there was prostitutes there was women who wanted to have sex for money and they weren't they didn't come over and a seal tanker and slept in the know they were prostitutes yeah you know and it's their choice

and they you don't hear much about that this the sex trafficking was like a big thing I think to get him to plead guilty and they put it out there and they said you know they were shaming him and making it this big deal this guy paid to get his dick touched you know and here he is what is he like 78 years old 80 years old or something like that this old guy just wanted to get his dick touched he paid it was a Deal's a deal she'd probably did it 13 times a day before him you know me that's what they were doing in that place there were jerking guys off but people kept coming back why they keep coming back because they hated it why they keep coming back because it was a ripoff why do you keep coming back no because as adults they wanted to get their dick touched and this woman was willing to do that and she yeah is that a bad job it's a fucking terrible job so is Wendy's so is being a dishwasher those are terrible jobs to do you want to do you want to be the guy who puts the coal the the fucking Tour on the streets and the hot day do you want to be that guy yeah the fuck out of here that job sucks do you want to be a guy who works

in a gas station we are constantly stiff and fumes fuck that job sucks La job suc right here Choice it's your choice as a human being to take that job or not take that job I feel the same way about prostitution that's feel about massage it's like if you can pay someone to touch your feet and rub your feet you can pay a dude just be rubbing your feet why can't you pay someone to touch you why can't let anyone touch your genitals and like you said ulis get rid of the stigma by legalizing it and it can carry those girls right I've been to the Bunny Ranch I got a tour I went you know my wife get information on it this is a tour to get to her and I had a map I had a fucking Hawaiian shirt on no I had the T-shirt with the toward inside he died recently and it's hot and it's halftime yeah so he invited me he came to a show I was doing in Lake Tahoe I know Reno and he goes hey do you want to come take a tour and like because the stern connection I kind of knew him so do you want to come take a tour of the ranch and I gotta let me call my wife

call there and I go can I just I go I just want to see it just gonna smell it and she goes well if you bring Kathleen role who was the feature act with you then you can go so they send elimination and we go off and we walk in and there was like one room had like a fucking trap he's in it and the other one had a hot tub they all have different like themes to them and it was like it wasn't a skanky as I thought but it was pretty down and dirty was like trailers but they were clean and while I was there a doctor showed up and they gave them all fucking they check their snatches for whatever what they had a little kitchen at date somebody cooking little snacks for them they offered me some I said I'm gonna pass and then at the end he pulls me aside and he goes by the way Greg take any of the girls it's on the house and I go well thatís I've never been with a prostitute before and it wasn't because of the hundred bucks this is I wasn't waiting for a freebie

and but the girls were they were happy they keep 50% of the money they can't use drugs on the premises they they can refuse a customer and they come and go and they want I think people should be able to do whatever they want that doesn't hurt people and I think that that falls into that category and I think it does provide a service for really frustrated men they can't get sex any other way yeah and I think it's stigmatized I think it's stigmatized in a very weird way it's not a good job I don't want to do it I just don't want my children to do it I don't want your children to do it I don't want my kids to work as a dishwasher either I don't want my kids to be a coal miner those things are real jobs you know I just don't I think that if we had different attitudes about sex we wouldn't look at it as harshly we look at it as horribly as we look at it we look at it different because we think they like intimacy is connected to romance and romance is connected to this emotional connection you have with this person that you're sharing pleasure with Mike that's that is wonderful but

physical release is also very important for men it's like it's very important to it's very important for everyone to be touched and some people people don't want to touch them it is not doing so good yeah it's just not a good spot they don't they're not physically attractive whatever it is whatever the whatever it for some people and they have a desire to need to be touched and it fucking Rex them to the soul when they're not touched all the time they constantly walk around filled with resentment filled with bitterness we just quietly enraged inside at the the hand that life has given them and for those people if you had legalized prostitution if it was like someone who liked you you could conceivably have friendships with these people that you're having sex with if you wanted to do that like I knew a girl who when she was younger she was a sex worker and she's a don't want even reveal her it would be too obvious why reveal what she does but she did it for a while when she was like young and she fucked some older guys that were like you know

60s and shit they didn't know you know they had money but they didn't have the time to date and you know maybe they had a wife and they want to have sex with somebody on the side she would take money from them and she liked it she's like it's a great way to make money was a lot more money it's not that big a deal she was I knew who I was doing it with and I was like wow she's smart you know I mean I don't think everybody has that attitude and I would never want anybody to do that doesn't have that attitude but if you're one of those girls it's like hustling maybe you don't have a family The Backs you up now there's girls that like you know they're in there is legitimately like there's a I got a friend who's really wealthy and his friends have some of them have like a girl in New York and they pay for her apartment and she's going to college and he goes to New York seven eight times a year and when he does she frees her calendar and goes out to dinner with him goes to wherever he sleeps there they have sex and it's a comfortable working relationship

so I don't know where's the where's the problem with that who's the victim right yeah he's a sugar daddy yeah yeah I don't I think we have crazy attitudes for finite beings we have his crazy attitude like we're leaving this permanent like Ledger of all the moral and immoral things we've done especially when it comes to sex so it's just sex you fucks yeah it's great everybody wants it but everybody doesn't get it and every sometimes people get rejected so it carries all this weight and so it's just like a bit and then you're not supposed to do as God doesn't want you to or you could get pregnant Jesus Christ you pro-life or you pro-abortion hiepro woman's like to choose you didn't even you should even have a say you have a fucking peanuts and like wow is this charge it's so charge right and meanwhile biologically your brain is going no no we got a fuck okay I got loads building up I gotta get rid of these things you know like I used to have a bit called jerk off first and think about it was with my advice for everything

there's so many moments in life when you jerk off first and then you go what what was I gonna do right calling her I'm definitely not respond to that crazy fucking letter she sent me and the mail yeah you know when you get a letter from somebody like oh no it's like sobering up yeah jerk-off first jerk yours know your real intentions future call First and you still want to call someone you really care about them you love them that's right not just lust yeah that's it that's empty bag think yeah I I was never good at that like I've reset the clock one nowadays I pop give it 24 hours to leave me alone 20 finding 24 hours well it's what happened I need some of those pills you sell testosterone yeah these are going to tr T is that is that legal oh a hundred percent yeah

I think I need some of that he's definitely tell some of that yeah dude I've been on that ship for 10 years oh shit yeah yeah they make it a bunch of different ways now to there's they were making a spray for a while it was like a under the tongue you could put drops in and then I don't know if they're doing that anymore but they have a cream eye cream is good but if you hug people that gets on them it's weird wait where do you rub it on you rub it on your chest to your arm so if you actually your wife's your wife something like growing a mustache with you find it very strange that would be like a really creepy way if you were like really into dudes but you were married to a woman yeah how do I how do I bridge this Gap it just right like a Monty RT and you would rub it all over your chest and immediately get on her and she believed the fuck are you doing give her protein shakes make it go to the gym a lot yeah hey honey you look good with short hair put her under stress to make her work more that's something that happens with women apparently there was a study on

career women and they don't know if it's a correlation or causation thing because maybe the reason why they work where career woman and the first place because they had a lot of testosterone but they were they would notice that women have to fend for themselves women have to take care of themselves they generally have more testosterone interesting which makes sense but doesn't you never know like what came first the chicken or the egg is that like who they are or they developing more testosterone because they have to be out there competing yeah you know yeah I remember I was I used Rogaine for a while I was actually I got approached by my agent and he goes you got an offer to do a commercial series of commercials I said for what he goes Rogaine I go but I don't my hair is not thinning and he's like yeah so it's five commercial I was in denial about it I was like 29 and I guess I was starting to Crown a little bit but I didn't notice and so he goes do you want to do it I was like I don't know

and that's move out to LA I want to maybe do some acting I don't want to be seen maybe on TV is the Rogue and he's like I talked to them and they said it's only going to it's gonna be on like ESPN for at 2:00 in the morning don't worry whatever and I go and I go all right fuck it I'm moving to La I got no money I'll do it I'll get health insurance out of it I'm about to get married so I record the commercials and the tag line is it's me and a pharmacy and I'm looking at a bottle and it's MoDOT minoxidil five they just jacked it up from three to five and I go four out of five they the voiceover goes four out of five doctors say this will work and then I go I look at the camera I go four out of five I like my chances oh Jesus so I know you are there you are so I know so I do it I do it and then there is there's that guy I like the nod you're like yes cells legit so they so all the sudden it starts running it runs during

the fuck in playoffs March Madness every guy I've ever met was calling me and gone I like my I'm walking down the street I like my chances

has it was everywhere yeah and so they gave me they gave me a fucking supply for years and I was using it and I would my wife wouldn't let me cuddle with her because she don't you put on your head at the end of the day before you go to bed hey cuddle up next to her and get your fucking hair on her neck and it made you all greasy my pillows were all greasy and all it really grew was like a fuck I'm fuzz yeah did you ever try that shit I tried that shit I tried everything yeah I wish I'd shave my head way earlier it's so easy I think I'm gonna do it tomorrow for the first time in my life once I shaved my head I was like what am I fucking around with all this hair yeah if I had a full head of hair I shaved my fucking head I shave my head like every two weeks I just let it grow to stubble then shave it down again let it go to stumble it's like it's so much easier how often do you shave it every couple days you take a razor and shaving cream I have one that has like it's made for shaving your head it's going a handle on it it's like an electric razor just

so you don't miss any spots how long does it take a couple minutes see you feel good yeah it's great I don't have to think about it that's what I like I don't know this I don't think about this I used to worry about my hair when my hair was falling out with some things out of your control four people have a full head of hair they really don't understand this when you start losing your hair young Jamie son of a bitch when you start losing your hair you you just go oh my God like there's nothing I can do about this this is terrible like there's nothing you can do and then you look at all like these fucking guys like some guys that are like gross-looking bald dudes and you look oh my God they used to be a kid yeah they used to be just like me and then one day it all fucking fell out and they were this gross dude with the horseshoe around the bottom of the head like what the fuck that's what I'm going to be and once you shave your head like for me I got lucky I have a good shape you can shaped my head which is something that I watched I went down a rabbit hole the other day

and I went down a plastic surgery facial reconnect reconstruct configuration rabbit hole because of in cells connected to this conversation we're having earlier about guys can get laid these guys were going to this one doctor there's a particular doctor I think he's in Indianapolis and he does facial reconfiguration like he widens your jaw he puts in plans on your cheeks and jaw he puts in plants on your fucking head so I could maybe you have a weird-shaped head maybe your head is shaped like a turtle or something you have a weird Crest in the top of your head this guy puts implants under your skin to give you a nice round head and they had like before and after and this guy was like always hated my head and no not my head's amazing and I'm looking at this and I'm going oh my God like I didn't even think of that but how does it look it looked way better yeah but it's what it is is like genetics are responding to symmetry when you see

when you see poor genetics you see something weird like weird symmetry why is is why is his face so narrow why is this chain go down so low what's weird about him why is it why is shoulder so narrow wires arm so long we see a symmetrical or weird-looking people that don't seem to like it doesn't fit into your idea of what the accepted breeding genetics of human beings are right DaVinci Code yeah is that what it is yeah yeah it's based on there's this this a certain shape of the thing that the Bonacci UT the Fibonacci codes that were you thinking of no I think it's The DaVinci Code if it was a religious thing for that movie yeah but with within it don't they talk about the symmetry of the face I think that's the golden ratio yeah that's the Fibonacci okay that's a Fibonacci card but yeah this is the guy this is this guy wow so they go this is an article from cut the cut the cut.com yeah that's this is exactly where I started so I started on this and I think it was on day or something like that and then I

went from that to all of the different people that have these things done and that's something if you think about it man if you just get a bum deal you just get a bit a bad roll the dice you will live your life with people that don't they don't want to have sex with you and this goes back to like the prostitution thing like what do people want from those people do they want the world to be a different place than it really is because are we operating as if this world is exactly how it is right now or are we pretending that the world is how we'd like it to be one day in a utopian society because we're doing that I get you how you're behaving but if you're looking at the world around you the way it is and you don't think these guys should be able to get prostitutes you're an asshole I think that kind of boils down with libertarianism is you know it's whether or not we are in a evolving utopian mindset or whether or not we're going to just say let people be who they are and just accept

how things are there's a little bit of that I think I'm on both sides of that fence sometimes you know there's there's definitely people that you just want to leave him alone like then I got to figure it out fuck them but then there's also people like we've all met people that have been in a bad place in their life and turned it around yeah I don't like giving up on people I just don't she doesn't it's not human it's not a human thing to just give up on people right so it's just I've I'm on both sides of that like part of me wants to go like figure it out and then part of me wants to go like we got to help people figure it out yeah and we have to try to engineer our society like this is a problem so if we're talking about before about reparations for slavery or these these communities that have always been black and poor since the slave times like it's just leave that alone and let that sort itself out that is never going to sort itself out that's like a place in your

garage that's fucked up and filled with trash that you think is going to figure itself out on its own like you you got to do something right you just the the garbage that you're leaving behind that's not going to make its way to the trash you're going to have to sort it out you have to figure out how to do it you have to get it out there if you have a impoverished crime riddled Community filled with drugs and gangs it's not going to get better you to do something so I'm going to do something you can't just pretend you can just go further and further away from it if we're going to act as a country that's what we're supposed to be were supposed to be a big-ass team we would we were supposed to be looking at the spots on the team that are fucked up yeah you talk about that Houston is kind of famous for this of literally the garbage dumps were all put in the black neighborhoods they just started dumping all the garbage in the poor areas with the bad schools totally segregated at the same areas that we're stay were slave Shacks way back when and now it's the same fucking Generations later living in garbage

all right so you doing the anything because well if you do a DNA test yeah find out your great-grandfather was the guy put the fucking garbage dump in the black neighborhood and that's why you have a Cadillac heed my while it's on the table at that point they get all I'm so sorry but you didn't do anything you're 23 I recycle now thank you but Stephen the green bins the blue bins You're Gonna Save those fish compost bins those whales out there to eating plastic yeah we gotta just we got a genetic engineer the whales to actually be able to digest plastic figure it out yeah well good it's free food yeah come on

yeah man we had a got boy Onslaught on the podcast he's just really young genius who is in the middle of devising and implementing a way to gather up the plastic he's got like this big machine that operates and I saw it's got big arm unit it's like yeah it's like got it like a Nets yeah capturing I'm really breaking it down much like a paraphrasing in a shitty way but his machine is just going to scoop plastic up and they think they could actually reuse that plastic and make things out of it yeah I saw that I think they I think they ran into some technical problems with it and I just used it yeah I think the when they tried it out right away it didn't work that good yeah but he kind of figured that he was like well there's going to be a bunch of improvements like everything else right everything go by early Tesla there were terrible you know it it may be over Tesla may be may not last really yeah they're saying that well the problem is is they call it a couch

nouriel shiny object syndrome that's what Elon Musk has is like he can't stop he has to keep you know there was Space X which is fucking phenomenal right what that program is done they are they are delivering stuff to space for a tenth of the price of NASA they have cut costs ridiculously NASA was so fucking bloated and and which was great but now it's like he wants to put a fucking tunnel under Ela and he wants these charging stations all around the country that are going to be solar-powered that are going to be expensive he's just overextended himself and now Wall Street used to love them and now they're not buying it anymore and it could be the end of the company how would it be the end of the company how's that work well there the they need to be producing like a million cars a year to be cost effective for their assembly lines for the what it costs for their assembly lines and they're putting out a few hundred thousand a year and they need to they need to up production to that

when they don't think they can do it

I should say that I'm going to fucking tank the stock yeah it's um how many different places can you charge at now I always charge here or a charge at home yeah but how many places it real easy to charge can you find a lot of spots have no idea but I know he's trying to make it really Universal it's great if you drive in it just to work like I do I drive it to the store or drive it here it's great yeah they're the best car I've ever driven but but it's not it's not ready for like long a strip steaks now time my friend just bought I think it's a Mitsubishi and it's it's a hybrid but how it works is it goes all electric until you run out of the electric charge and then it had then the motor kicks in as opposed to like my Prius which is just alternating back and forth all the time right the prettiest gets ridiculous gasps - all right amazing what do you get probably 50 wow that's hilarious looks like dog shit though I hate it why do you why

deal with it why do you do that yourself you and I have had this conversation a million times where I'm like Greg get a muscle car like I must and I want the new ones are amazing a matter of fact they have a new Bullitt Mustang now they usually do is they do yes they do they have a bullet model brand-new 2019 green emerald green dope ass fucking Mustang with I think it's more than 460 horsepower it's a very fast it's an up tuned version of the one that's in the GT so it's there coyote Generation 3 Mustang engine look at that that's it baby yeah see it even says bullet on the back see the back the back badge that's a Bullitt Mustang that's the 2019 and you get in a stick shift like a fucking man fat against yeah I definitely get the fucking stick shift drive around your balls are going to grow back I need them back I need the a beautiful car

I need this TR TR T is that testosterone therapy brings in your life the Prius is like shut your mouth that Prius 90 stop talking about look at that Mustang bullet 2019 it's like you know the 50th anniversary of the movie or whatever the hell it is yeah what was that movie 40th 68 so yeah more than 50th look at that man whoo damn that's our car yeah that's a motherfucker of a car they make great American cars right now right now is a great time I know the two of them the old one to the new how can you know the great thing is is the gas mileage on these cars isn't that bad anymore yeah yeah they have intelligent computers running all the fuel injection and everything and it'll the tune of the engines all done with computers now yeah fucking around yeah what are we going to get younger well you know it is it's the whole College thing shocked like fuck up you're a talented comedian Nick plenty of loot you're going to spend money on this stupid fucking prick

is that thing is not free you have to pay for that thing yeah get a goddamn Mustang how much one of those bullet Mustangs try to sell it Jamie why I think it's funny you know I'm right

you know I'm right Rhino your right to eat it that's what so much is at the end of my life I'm no no no now if it suited my kids now I'm saying at the end of my life when I look back I'm gonna go oh my kid went to college fuck him you can take a loan do you have the room for it in your driveway if you had a third car we park on the street I live in Venice 46 that's not much but it's not bad that's a good deal get that fucking thing you park in the street we all seven like a Kickstarter fund or something for my car I think people would do that no

let's say just do some gigs and put some money away you son of a bitch I know you fucking sellout places shut the fuck up sometimes you just so Frugal and I always find that so funny because I'm such a slob but that's how we were when we started in Boston oh you're driving a fucking Sue is it a Celica GT or something no no it was a Mitsubishi Starion there's like a little sporty laughs yeah and you were leasing it and I was like who the fuck Lisa's a new car when they've been doing comedy for two years and I had a fucking I had an 84 Volkswagen Rabbit and and I just remember you had a fucking nice we had a jacked-up stereo system in it and I remember you got it got fucking repossessed though that was a different card that was the Dodge Daytona Shelby I got rid of the one and then I got the second one and you didn't give a fuck are you went to the UN to the impound lot and you jump the fence to get the radio out right I had a stereo I put in it I installed the

yeah I jumped the fence and pulled the fucking stereo out of the Daytona because I knew I wasn't gonna be able to pay for that fucking car anymore because it was it was actually that was the first year of Comedy that was my first year actually it got that while I was still teaching and I was still I taught I was teaching at Boston University teaching Taekwondo there I was teaching at this school that I was running and Revere and I was delivering newspapers I was making a little bit of money and I was really stupid and when I found out that I could get a car like a brand new Dodge Daytona she'll be in 1988 or 1989 and I could I could lease it they would lease it to me what I was like perfect let's do it but then somewhere along the line I decided I was really going to dedicate myself to stand up I was like I am I'm half-assing this and somebody told me that one of the guys that I was doing Open Mic nights they said you know you were really funny like six months ago good because but it

like you've fallen off a little and he said it to me and I didn't even respond I remember like fuck he's right yeah he's right he's right I'm half-assing it and then that night I was like fuck this I'll quit and everything so I decided I was going to quit teaching I quit teaching at bu I quit teaching at my school I shut my school down it's like I'm done I gotta I gotta be a comic a hundred percent and then I had no money Fiona said smile all live off whatever I make to Santa but that was trying to get odd jobs during the day yeah but I couldn't have anything that is dedicated to all right and when I was teaching I was very dedicated to teaching T it meant a lot to me like martial arts meant a lot to me so technique means a lot to me so when I was teaching people it's very specific like it meant a lot yeah and I would teach people on a bring them of tournaments and you know I raised kids from like white belt all the way up to like blue belt and brought him to tournaments and it was exciting was really fun it meant a lot to me though it man enough to me that I was not going to half-ass it was like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna

teach these people because when I was teaching it was very serious about I meant a lot so I was like I'm not I got a I'm a I'm like oh once I have a thing I'm like that's the thing all these other things just get in the way the thing I have to just eliminate those and so that's what I did and then they took my fucking car but I got the stereo back

it's like that I remember cuz I was I was living with your girlfriend and you were coming over and I fucking need come from like cappuccinos the restaurant around the corner with fucking take out like nice meals I was eating fucking ramen noodles I spent every penny I have said everything I didn't put anything away ever come from Blockbuster with fucking five movies under your arm

yeah you were living with my girlfriend and another dude Guy gay guy named Mike coconut who's a great guy he was a great dude he's the first guy I ever met who had a Bowflex oh no shit yeah he was the first guy I met who was growing marijuana in his closet oh shit lights that's dangerous in Boston in the 80s right he go to jail jail he grow he that was some skunk weed we surround smoking that skunk weed you go to jail jail for that yeah Massachusetts a hundred percent free now hundred percent legal go to a store and buy it yeah how fucking beautiful is that and Illinois House passes marijuana legalization Bill well yes you tube pritzker and fuck yeah fuck yeah Legalize It Illinois see and get a gang of it out to the south side of Chicago speaking of disenfranchised neighborhoods that are not going to fix themselves that's another one that was five murders there last week crazy and the school is so fucking bad

there's this really good documentary called America is me and it tracks the Oak Park which is like a kind of a mixed suburb in Chicago or this black and white students and they just track the lives of like 10 students and five black and five white and how they can be in the same place and have such different experiences you know black families where the fucking kid is stressed out he's not doing well in school and they're like the teachers frustrated but he's like yes his he's got a single mom and they just lost the apartment because she lost her job and now they living with an aunt and you know there's all these circumstances going on and then you've got the white kids who are taking an SAT prep classes and they got a a mom who's not working that drives them to their different sports it's a Ritz a great documentary it's a different world that's I mean this is the same conversation we were having before the podcast started about this guy that we know the things that homeless people are lazy yeah and we're like look there are people out there that

were born on third base and they fucking swear to God they hit a triple and they think wow I I fucking didn't have my shoes tied and I didn't do this and I missed out on birthday parties and I even nobody shot you yeah you know nobody robbed you your uncle didn't rape you you're not in jail you didn't you didn't watch your brother get killed you know like oh come on man like there's way worse hands that people get dealt way worse and just the overall vague sense of entitlement well I'm a saying on the other side of being surrounded by people that are not achieving oh yeah and being being exposed to people that don't think that finishing high school or college is a priority right and so it's very hard to come up with that concept yourself especially in the absence of like to functioning parents the only thing that helps them now is the internet because you can you could lock onto like David Goggins or someone like that or someone who was also born into terrible situations like that and you can listen to his story yeah and read his or listeners audiobook which is fantastic

read his book and understand there's people like him that used to be like me they made it through and now they have a story and I can do that too it's possible and then that becomes your Guiding Light but the idea that we're all in the same fucking starting Block it's just stupid as fuck it's stupid it's stupid it's a bad way to look at the world and when people get upset you know certain aspects of life without acknowledging that he and then you've got people that live in abandoned Factory towns whether it's you know in the appalachia's or it's you know Detroit where you had jobs and your grandfather had a job and that was it and it was just it was like there was no diversity of work in that area and then the fucking plant closes and it's just despair I have a good friend and his family is from coal miners and mean he the way he describes it he's like you have never seen that kind of poverty before you've never seen that kind of poverty when you are in these cold towns and

people just all fucked up on pills like The Whole Town's fucked up on pills it's like um seen poverty like that it's dark and there's Despair and there's no exit strategy no one there's no one to model around you know what no one's get there to give you advice everyone's a criminal everyone's trying to get by everyone selling pills robbing people shooting people and this is just a sec this is just what happens with despair right and this is just a spare in that ended that context and then there's despair in South Central LA just despair in East LA this Despair and you know really fucked up Mexican neighborhoods in La well that's why we were talking about I think you had a guest on that talked about how with how everything's getting wrote robots are taking over that's the book by Yang it was probably the presidential candidate here talking to Heather going to subsidize the the whole populations yes he is but with that you know it sounds like it may happen that that type of a system but there's still going to be despair

because you still need a sense of purpose you still need to work feel good about yourself that's the counter that yeah and I agree with both things unfortunately that's how I agree that most likely automation is going to take out here's the thing when people need purpose they still need purpose they need purpose now but would a thousand dollars a month if everyone knew they had a thousand dollars a month coming from the government would it make you more invested in being an American would it make you more invested and keeping this thing running like you're you're actually getting paid from it you're looking at the American like it's generating income and you're getting paid from it you're getting old enough money so you can eat and have a roof over your head like if the three of us got $1,000 a month that's $3,000 a month there's a place we could get with three of us is like 1,500 bucks a month and then the rest of it we would just put into food and whatever and that way you could live right hookers you would live like that that's a that's a livable wage for enough if you get enough people

get $1,000 a month it's not perfect so the question is how does it make you feel about yourself and about your country but yeah and this is the question to does that stop you from pursuing your dreams because it's not like you're getting 50 Grand a year if you are getting 50 Grand a year man be hard to get me to work if I just had free 50 grand every year like how much do you do you really need if you have an apartment look it's not easy I know folks that are making 50 Grand like hey you know you'd be surprised you don't really save much and you know once you if you have a car and a lease and either a mortgage or an apartment payment I get it I get it but if you had 50 Grand a year it would be really hard for you to grind and be really hard for you to really go after something just be obsessed unless that's just your style that's that's just who you are well it seems like a I don't know if it's more manageable weight is just socialized medicine and make higher education free I think both those things are imperative I really do I think especially

the education why would it cost why should it cost money to figure out how to make people more intelligent and contribute better why wouldn't you want less losers when you want more educated people that have a better understanding of how the world works of course since we're a service economy we're not a manufacturing economy anymore we need people that understand how to manage and to be entrepreneurial and you know yes communicate but just be educated I mean there's more people that are smarter than you have more competition than you have more productivity I mean it would just be better for everybody you don't want ignorant people yeah 1 TB well education my son's going to college it's fucking $65,000 a year that's so much times four years times film kids at $600,000 a year what Americans got an extra six so your kid is now saddled with a debt that he'll be paying off forever he's underwater it's not $600,000 a year using $65,000 a year and two kids he 570

and I mean 60 you mean forever yeah for four years or four years two kids like 650 Grand a year that's like 600 total over over the course of their college careers yeah your your base and you have to make more than a million to have that by the way yeah because got to be taxes yeah and you're not just only spending money on that you got to spend money on living expenses and your mortgage your house and so that you know you're really talking about two million probably and and don't think your kids coming out of college into a job that's going to be able to support himself you're still going to be subsidizing their phone in their car insurance and probably part of their rent for the next five six points to that's when they come to visit yeah and if you thinking about that over over these four years you really if you want a hundred grand you kind of have to make 200 and then you got insurance if you're on the market as a family of four to get health insurance in California you're paying

thousand dollars a year between 15 and 20 thousand dollars a year which means again you got to earn 40 lot of people are moving out of California because the state tax

a lot of people realize you know I can live in Nevada and not pay any state tax yeah why would I want to paste a duck's what am I doing that's a lot of money it is looking and percent right yeah and then if you live in New York City you have to pay a state and a city tax you dirty big fat fucking city tax code is that to keep the rats that's the keep the electricity gone for the guys that are taking a train in from Connecticut every day and working on Wall Street that aren't paying the fucking city tax fucking Communists yeah the people don't pay the city tax or dirty yeah the work in the city and they don't pay the tax right must pay the tax those are states in Connecticut yeah those weird soulless gigantic Great Gatsby like Estates Darien Connecticut they've all got fucking Ferraris buddy my work about ice Transmissions buddy my works at a high school in Connecticut well as rich kids go to school he works there shout out to my boy Tommy jr.

yeah he works her and like Seas these people giant fucking huge Lawns and hmm thinking about buying a place there

I want a big Lon I want to be like a Kennedy I'd like to live next to a bunch of people that are on pills out of your fucking mind trying to make meaning out of life that's three billion dollars in the bank won't people whose heads have been reshaped by guy in Indianapolis this is yeah if you have a flat head though there's something girls don't want to fuck a dude with a flashy I'm going to shave my head but it's not going to let us clap what I gotta I gotta bad had your fun well I'm to turn sideways pasty white hours dude shave it you really yeah I wish you want it tomorrow do we have the Clippers from the top territory now really are they over there are they charged up probably if it only went half way and then cut off that's you should have that should be the new look like crisscross at least have their clothes on backwards you shave half the side of your head shaved one side leave the other side and people like what is going on like fuck you I'm handicapped look at my head half the crowd I'm doing ball jokes for half the crowd the other credit half you do

like going bald jokes

dude I had Ari shaffir on my podcast one time and we were at you ever ever do a podcast and above the Comedy Cellar they've got a studio up there we have it Bobby Kelly started it and it's us I forget what it's called and so I'm up there doing my podcast with Ari and it's an apartment it's like there's a there's a bedroom and a bathroom in the studio and we got to talking about torture and I go I go you ever been waterboarded looks like no I go there's a bathroom right here I go you want you want me to waterboard you and you know our he's like yeah sure let's do it sure let's do it so we go inside and I put a towel over his face and he leans over backwards in his head is below his body in the shower stall the nozzle comes off the wall and I sprayed on his face and nothing nothing nothing and then all sudden is bodies convulsing his legs are kicking he's fucking screaming water is shooting out of his nose he's choking and it went on for like a couple

minutes and I'm fucking dying and then he starts laughing and we were just on the podcast laughing without saying a word for probably five minutes and then he goes want me to do it to you I'm like fuck yeah and then he waterboarded me in the same thing happened wow yeah the waterboarding is legit yeah yeah yeah yeah so that's real torture yeah but it's weird torture because you're not permanently injuring someone like you think it towards you thinking like someone cutting someone and lighting them on fire shit like that what's the torture you would at least want to be done to you good question maybe that one maybe waterboarding I don't know I get like

electrocution the electrocute you those arcs spoiler alert oh yeah don't say nothing wolf ya think I think being made to be cold for a long period of time cold and knows they say no sleep is actually the worst thing you can do to somebody right like Chinese water torture they just have the water drip on you yeah trip just keeps you awake tripcase your trip yeah that's a good tip if you ever fallen asleep while you're driving folks get a if you stop at a gas station and get like a soda or a water and some ice and then get like wet towel get a wet towel with ice in it and just rub your face because I used to smack myself in the face and I was coming back from gigs yeah and I'd be driving on the Mass Pike and there's no one on the roads out for the face just sticking my head out the window you know just trying to stay awake yeah because you're you just something about the hypnotic White Lines just kidding I used to fucking I used to drive from Boston to New York like once a week for like a year and a half I had a place I could crash in the city and I'd finished my

on Saturday night I'd be at the fucking Worcester aku-aku the show it ended like you know midnight and I get my car and I drive the three three and a half hours to the city and I regularly slept while driving and then snapped out of it like how fucking crazy is that I once wrecked a car I fell asleep on the highway once how old were you I was in college and I had to go down to Providence for a court date I got into a fight in Providence and I got arrested spent the weekend in jail and it's come back to the court appearance so I borrowed my ex-girlfriends car and I'd been up the night before all night drinking and so I drove down and I did the court appearance got out of it and I'm driving home and I'm on 95 north and I just fucking fell asleep and I hit the guardrail all bun out hit a truck oh my God

thank God I got I cut my mouth I hit my mouth on the steering wheel this is how we know airbags to write no airbags I was old Toyota Corolla fucking totaled the car oh my ex-girlfriends car oh no how's she feel she was alright with it really all right with it she's happier life she was a great girl oh yeah Cindy Martha Chadha to Cindy so you probably were relieved because of the court date right yeah you relieved got off can't believe I got off and then driving back bang fuck what a feeling when you talk about adrenaline rushing into your body that's second it can't get no more intense than that kid I knew from high school died that way oh no shit really it'll hit like the underside of a bridge

damn if he was asleep he was drink I'll sleep fell asleep damn yeah happens all the time man my father he was a father was a big drinker and he was driving home drunk one time and my mom was following him and another car that's how complicit alcoholism was back in the 70s yeah wives were just like all right honey I'll follow you because you're drunk oh my God that's so he's driving and he falls asleep at the wheel and he goes headfirst into a tree oh Jesus cut his jugular vein and his arm the veins in his arm my mom drives to get an ambulance you know cell phones they come by the time they get there he has no Vital Signs he's fucking dead and they brought him back to life and he was in the hospital for like two weeks well how they bring it back to life I've no fucking idea I was like I was like the five odd I was like four or five and what's but as I said have some stuff they set aside yeah they really

like a guy right and use that Pet Sematary injection right back that's right bring em back Spike and I didn't see any pet cemetery I heard it was a based on the Stephen King book yeah the book is great yeah the movie The First movie was all right it was all right they're fun they're campy the difference between his books and his movies that were so profound yeah his books are terrifying his books like get to the heart of the worst aspects of human nature and right demonic possession to want Maximum Overdrive would be a great one to remake now yeah right fucking robots or any yeah takes over and kills everyone yeah no shit right yeah they have it like with modern electric trucks and shit yeah The Shining was the only one that was a scary as the book what was different very different than the book though the show was it yeah I read the book The Shining the movie with Jack Nicholson apparently bothered Stephen King because Jack Nicholson was like on edge from the beginning of the

like he was always crazy like he was always like you know he's always just kind of barely fucking hanging on you know that was his whole thing and in the book The guy clearly becomes mad he becomes possessed he's a normal guy was just struggling trying to be a writer and he uses this as an opportunity to write and then the house takes him over it's more sort of a narc yeah it's well there's nothing you can do that's him getting pumped up for the scene

oh yeah getting fired up look at them yeah was that Kubrick yeah yeah yeah cute British the only killed by a fucking axe axe wielding Jack Nicholson yeah I could see that once Kubrick takes over you're not you're not going to have a lot of say in how the things directed well not only that Kubrick put all this moon landing stuff in it there was all these Moon references yeah the kid had an Apollo sweater on like there was there's there's someone made a documentary that was all the numbers and all the Kuwait all the things that are attached to that movie room 237 that's what it's about because it's 237,000 miles to the moon when they made the launch sees got USA Apollo sweater on the little boy did there's a bunch of things yeah there's a ton of things that Kubrick did on purpose because he would put weird stuff like that in his movies he's a fascinating guy man you know he was like a high level math

no shit yeah you do high level mathematics for fun while I wasn't doing movies wow

yeah they had an exhibit at LACMA and Lala of a Stanley Kubrick exhibit for like six months it was fucking wild that place should be flattened they should take all the homeless people moving there that place is the most of the biggest abomination of all Los Angeles I went there there's a clear plastic box that was actually on it yeah like this boxes are it's like this is the art this is our artists our space yeah me this box and this is our Earth like what like they have it roped off so you don't sit on the box yeah it's like a Plexiglas box like get the fuck out of my face with this you know what you're doing another piece of art was like people throwing basketballs in the Nets there was like videos of basketballs like over and over and over again throwing basketballs I'm like hey fuck you fuck you I know what you're doing I know what you're doing you don't this is Art you know this is not all right you know then there was some art there when there was some of that stuff there's some things you like hey fuck you with this box yeah I know what you're doing and you get paid for this yeah who's paying you is this taxpayer

ended isn't it is LACMA yes yeah they probably have to pay the people to rent their art bro the fucking real estate they're living in yeah some reason about museum is that only something like seven percent of like most collections are what you see there's so much stuff in storage like cool shit that people might want to see that there's not room for because the buildings are big enough really need lots of like instruments for instance 300 year old violins getting used by like kids because it's cheaper to just keep them in use and send them around than it is to just store it and hoping like restore it eventually like after it's done used for 25 30 years yeah because of all the old horse hair whatever is that used to make each thing but there's really cool art by Da Vinci or who knows what's hidden in some of these places but people that work there no and get to see some of it you know what's interesting to me people that buy dinosaur skeletons apparently there's a giant market for them in China they'll spend like a million dollars and buy a

skeleton you walked in this motherfuckers house fuck your artwork bitch pretty badass goddamn T-Rex in my little like that imagine yeah he walked into some some guys Palace some Emerald Palace and you open these two fucking teak wood doors and you see a dinosaur in the middle of his front entrance

that's what they're going for so they're buying there's nothing Nicolas Cage return stolen Mongolian dinosaur skull he bought at Gallery Tyrannosaurus what is that Mumma animal Tyrannosaurus bataar have you heard of that Mata AR will it will be repatriated like that work after was bought by the actor from Beverly Hills Gallery in 2007 a T-rex skull wow but he bought it for $276,000 that's pretty good deal well was 2007 I think he said yeah she wasn't worth as much back then suck man and Nothing Stops you in your tracks and like Museum of Natural History is a good fucking dinosaur skeleton especially the ones that eat things like eat meat I don't want that big ass stupid plant-eating brontosaurus get that bitch out yes what is that that's a weird elephant he's a fucking vegan who wants to hang out with a vegan about it here I'm not scared I want to see teeth let me see teeth and Claws what shit design huh John

had little tiny baby arms yeah we're shit designer a-all right what is he doing with those arms what the fuck is the purpose of those arms and there's the only animal that I can think of that developed that way and was a data we see a plant eater no T-Rex I'll T-Rex yeah T-Rex was they they don't know of T-Rex was a predator or of T-Rex was a scavenger they think by the shape there's some some talk that by the shape of his bones that what he might have been doing was using those bones to crush giant dinosaur bones and that like he might be surviving Undead things yeah and that they also had some speculation that they might have had they don't want know what they really look like because they don't know the skin color they had some speculation that they might have had faces like vultures like red fucked up really brightly colored faces just to let you know that disgusting and Haiti you know because like when you see vultures it's not a coincidence that there

gross is fucking looking animal on the planet all they eat is dead shit yeah and they're big vultures are fucking big that's a big animal flopping around with these giant wings but we're not nearly as impressed by them as we are with an eagle he see like the vultures never going to be the fucking national bird get out of here with that bullshit we killed ourselves bro when I went out here for some scavenger ass fucked up red face stupid bird yeah so NeNe I think it opens on the 8th of June just start they have this brand-new deep time well that's Irish elk Natural History dinosaur exhibit and this is some of the highlights of what they have there they have this like T-Rex wow Sarah tops Jesus Christ saber-tooth cat bunch of little stuff like you're just talking about it so I'm sure they might have some of these answers to the questions in this is where which he sees Smithsonian Natural History when's this come out its opening now it's like they just built it in there just doing all the press back seems pretty cool yeah I mean who

once the dinosaur skeletons who owns that the Smithsonian I think is it's free because it's US taxes is some of the stuff I guess we technically own I guess hmm I don't sit DC or New York one of them doesn't charge for any of the Museum's I think it might be DCS Smithsonian stuff is all free when its open it should be free my friend John Dudley knows a dude who owns a ranch in Montana and they found a T-Rex on its proper no shit yeah wow I found a bone out there moving around stuff and it's probably like what the fuck is this so it's cleaning it up find something brings in some paleontologists they start digging they like whoa Daddy yeah we got a T-Rex here all right yeah yeah that's a that's a fucking job people get obsessed with that and they go I'm going to be an archaeologist when I get older and then you're standing in a fucking desert with a toothbrush for eight hours a day trying to find a bone watch that who's that dude Sam the guy's name from Sam O'Neill Sam Neill

I'm Neil Sam Neill from Jurassic Park yeah nobody wants to be him if anyone's be Jeff Goldblum guy shows up at the sexy jacket and has life finds a way it appears it appears of Life finds a way world's biggest T-Rex discovered Jesus Christ what is this who estimated 19 thousand five hundred pounds holy holy shit and what can those arms even do look at those Farms a weird man they're so weird and look how big the feet and legs are and the giant ass head that's the thing that thinking like that this wasn't something that chase things down it just sort of bent over and just jacked whatever was on the ground yeah but I don't know if that's like I think there was some speculation it moves you Google this because there was something about the physics of its body that it wouldn't be able to run fast

because it's so weirdly shaped they like trying to figure out why is its head so big it has a little tiny ass arms and these big-ass legs is big fucking tail like a nothing run like at what it would and then there's also some speculation that the atmosphere was way different back then and the atmosphere is much more oxygen rich and maybe things just were different you know like the physic can run longer and yes sir like maybe even the physics of Earth was a little different in terms of like the way we interacted with the gravity we could wait with the interact with the atmosphere rather yeah the atmosphere like held them up somehow or another it was thicker but I read things and I'm high I don't remember what the fuck are you I think this is a saying that it could it should have been slower maybe not shown in the Jurassic Park wouldn't have been running that here it says running would have broken an adult Tyrannosaurus Rex has legs

but OK Google this because so now we know that there's people that think that he couldn't run because of the shape Google the atmosphere was different during the Jurassic period

because it was some mean it might have been horseshit was just an article that was written about how like we have to take into account the whole world was like different before that giant asteroid came and fucked up everything and slammed into Chichen Itza you know that it says it the oxygen levels might have been about 20 to 30 percent higher during that time period so it might have been harder to breathe I guess I'm not sure harder to breathe a sudden drop in oxygen from roughly 30 percent atmosphere of the atmosphere to about 10% may have contributed to mass extinctions oh so from the impact the diets are so that was one of the things they thought killed there's a bunch of different ideas they have of how quickly the dinosaurs died off but one of the more interesting ones that I saw recently was that they all died almost instantly it says it would have made every Hue more humid with higher levels of carbon dioxide and more likely more cloud cover

hmm get this is gasping for breath harder to I just keep seeing that stuff is just harder to breathe during yeah that doesn't have anything to do with the way they moved though there was something about I remember reading something about the way a T-Rex move but it's a fucking mystery because it's not not like you look at a crocodile you like oh I get it uses those four legs to get you this big fat face hmm you know make sense all right then you look at the T-Rex like why are you up in the air like that why is your head so big what's with the little legs the ones in the front one of those things most of the arms what's up with this weird body you have the weight of that head is a lodge Ian tab yeah it's crazy head he needs to go to Indianapolis get that thing fucking shit down he's an insult maybe that's why so mad

how did they finally fuck how do they fuck Jesus Christ with that tail how do you get out the pussy with that tail mmm that's a crazy-ass tail yeah you'd have to come at it from the side you have to tackle her you have to Blindside her tackle her get a leg up in the air get in like that you have to get one of them like but then what the fuck you have no arms you know we're here now she can't give you a job T-Rex tiny arms may have been vicious weapon save it nerd save it nerd

what like I'm like his fucking giant face filled with huge swords he's got a huge head filled with swords

the next thing you're nice people trade off remnants of little wings of flightless bird not I was looking up I thought maybe at one point I'd heard that there's some us one scientist thought those were like remnants of wings well that makes sense and they weren't actually maybe arms but their wings well that totally makes sense we think about like ostriches and shit like that they used to have wings and they turned into those things let me see it again let me see his fucking little shitty arms that makes my way more sense that way makes way more sense that the remnants of four wings because like that if you think about what an ostrich looks like you could kind of morph an ostrich into a T-Rex right yeah I mean they don't have a tail but they do have those fucked up legs giant-ass legs in a weird body and a fucking head and when they look at you they look at you like they look right through you like you don't mean shit like if you got run over by a truck in front of an ostrich they won't even Flinch yeah they don't give a fuck about you now just like a dinosaur they just have this bird face yeah they have zero compassion for you

yeah ask just have no empathy that's why they have small arms and ever hug anybody no assholes

the all of those all those fucking creatures that fly around or used to they can all suck it all birds all birds are gross I love when people keep them as pets see if you can find a bird is my bird loves me yeah keep your window open yeah see what happens T-Rex used to look like vulture

this is a weird one they don't even know they're covered in feathers I think I might even covered in feathers yeah that's a more recent speculation they think that all dinosaurs were covered in feathers wow yeah or most of them you know that's why you know you see chickens chicken live literally is a dinosaur just one that lived when they made it oh that's one creepy looking

now there was one where had a red face there was some things yeah that's it right there that's exactly yeah yeah so yeah that's how they had it done with like feathers and shit feathers in a big ol red face I don't know why we're attached to like one idea what that fucking thing looked like all we have is Bones have no idea what the skin was like

easily could have been covered in feathers is it amazing that every kid I don't know if it's girls too but every boy gets fascinated with dinosaurs at a certain age isn't that weird oh yeah it's like archetypal there's something deep in your brain that wants to know and connect with Dinosaurs when you're like 4 or 5 years old because it's such a fucking wild Hail Mary by nature and they they ruled for so long and they were snuffed out by a rock like if that rock didn't hit Earth we would be under the reign of these vicious fucking reptiles roaming the planet eating everything we would have never evolved to where we are we would have been hiding in little holes in the ground would be little mammals mmm this is good as you're ever going to get you're never going to develop a fucking City good luck bitches Raptors everywhere they're just running around Jack you don't think Homo sapiens would have never never made it never got to that part we were moles for hundreds of millions of years

we were these weird fucking creatures and then from 65 million years ago that mole evolved into a human being according to these fucking scientist all their fancy they have any $65,000 a year that you have to pay for Education yeah this book I was just listening to about music in the brain talked about the first instrument found is this I think it was like a rib flute of like an elephant or a something that's like 50,000 years old but because it's a flute they go that's probably most likely not the first instrument being used because it was probably drums begin to a flute that's making sounds it's a big evolution yeah like how how far their back do you think they were just using drums before they had language you know let's have it point the Haka and New Zealand that whole thing yeah it's just a lot of sounds and grunts yah screaming because of our communicators yeah like what is the accepted time line for the invention of language let's take a guess

I don't know what it is but let's say a guess

I want to say languages was invented a hundred thousand years ago what do you think

I don't think it's that well that what it's been I'm gonna say it's 40 I'm gonna say languages it was exhibit invented 40,000 years ago was Homo Sapien right is that yes first one but Homo Sapien didn't always have language right Homo Sapien I think is 250 thousand plus years old there's like the argument from like 252 gets shaky like 350 400 whatever the whatever it could be but they think somewhere around there and the other thing is like they intersected with was it Neanderthal man that came before him and originally they just thought that one ended and the next one started yeah but then in fact they actually existed together yep for a long time and they fought yep and they fucked and Neanderthal was around way longer the end it's all survived for a half a million years so Neanderthal was a live way longer than humans have been alive than modern Homo sapiens yeah

what's up everything I keep finding just says like it starts with ancient Egypt at the can't be right maybe written language that's probably a written language so well spoken language at the origin date of spoken language on Neanderthal was bigger and stronger but Homo Sapien they organized yeah well they work with like work out what what really happened because neanderthals actually a bigger brains oh really yeah but they're also built way better wait wait different so it might have been the they're bigger brains was to control their much stronger body hmm because they were like 57 250 pounds 120 pounds yeah they were built different than us huh yeah they were thick ass bones man like a57 200-pound man today like man that guy's got to be lifting some weights basically my height I'm 5-8 I weigh 200 pounds so I'm built like a neanderthal like legitimately yeah they were all built like yeah that and thicker right but with Wade denser bones in the

it's bigger heads bigger arms bigger Bones the bones of the forearm the arms the legs everything was thicker they were just more sturdy than us they like naturally like didn't have to lift weights they would rip your fucking arms off they were just built like almost like a half a champ like on the way from being you know Australia or you know Homo erectus or Australia Pittacus or any of those early man cut type species they were in that you know there's there was a they think there was dozens of them they think there's the ones out of Russia that they found out about I think they're called denisovans there's those little hobbit people that were in Australia Flores for us they think there might be ones in those places to even in Vietnam they have one that called the orang pendeks I think is how you say it and that they that's like a little monkey man like a little hairy man that lives in the forest out there and before this Hobbit discovery which was only like a decade ago the the people that

in the island of Flores and they found out that there's there was absolutely three-foot-tall little hairy people that had stone tools and you know and they organized they lived in these places in the use fire like that's what does a real goddamn thing no shit yeah and they just found that out within the last decade or so so mean how many of them were out there how many other ones were out there that we just don't have fossils of and when you talk to God like Graham Hancock was that amazing book right there called America before fuck that's a good book it can't be as deep and out and about 10,000 years ago seems to be the most agreed upon ten thousand potential for for spoken like that's a no shit finally I have evidence that goes back that far there's people that say it's probably should go back as far back as 60,000 years but I don't believe there have any evidence of that to support that how would you that's the problem is to when they developed a the larynx the voice box I think they trace it to that yeah

that's the problem with history right like who knows what the fuck Lincoln said all we know is what Lincoln wrote okay when you have Lincoln holding hands with his boyfriend going for walk through the garden pitch you just making shit up you make that a thing now well there are there is speculation that Abraham Lincoln was a gay man and they slept with a man for long periods of time in the same bed but apparently people did that very often back then for warmth because you know you lived in a place that was made out of wood that you chop down your fucking self should have been for four years so that's a nice cold for four years in a row and be tough to share a bed with Lincoln he was fucking huge yeah he's all strong to so wrestler was he yeah huh

yeah he was an excellent wrestler supposedly and he shared a bed with his captain captain of his bodyguards whenever his wife was away hip-hop hooray so maybe it was cold hey it might be both me now we have to you know think about it in context right I think if you go back to the Greeks and the Romans gay sex was way more common it was like almost like everybody was half gay right see ya and pedophilia was just a normal thing young boys like if you read Socrates read the history of him or of a lot of Scholars and like really respected thinkers they had young boys that they would Bang

so what was what today is a horrific crime against humanity was completely normal back then yeah so when did that stop went to do is to stop banging dudes and did they just kind of do it and not talk about it or was it it seems like Christianity first brought about the shame the sexual shame that we have today so I would probably trace it back to like 2,000 years ago if you how here's a question how much of being gay is stopped by society's expectations like what is the percentage of people who are actually gay who just can't act on it because it just it whether their mom or their religion or their Church they go to or they're you know they got married they had kids but they really want to be gay how much of that exist today look what percentage

out of all the gay activity if you can put it on a pie chart you know how many more gay people with their be if that didn't there was just no one cares warm too yeah there's no expectations from religion no expectations from your community ivn would you be in fuck yeah do you think it'd be a top or a bottom top that's what everybody thinks I'd be I'd be a screaming bottom lot of crying and waterboarding I'd be running bottom it would be just like when you were waterboarded you'd be fucking spasming uncontrollably

there's that that's what a lot of the guys are into unfortunately just that's the biggest freaking out in the community waterboarding he's running what fucked getting butt-fucked by waterboarding it's the New Black

it's the new thing yeah it's the rage it's all the rage nipple clamps and mmm did you ever watch Orange is the New Black a couple times is it any good it's not bad I just didn't I felt like the characters were a little too over overdrawn I didn't buy them as real people too much they seem like it felt like a writer coming up with a character as opposed to like really trying to portray human behavior but then again I've never been in a women's prison my mom worked in a women's prison for years dude really yeah she talked about they were all victims we talking about earlier about you know women who were abused and every fucking one of them was abused sexually physically almost all of them are in jail because of a guy they were carrying drugs for a guy they stay fucking killed a guy because he kept attacking her it was pretty rare you know and a lot of it was obviously drug use

but that stems from usually childhood abuse yeah yeah that's right that but up for a lot of them my mom said it was the best environment that ever lived in because there was a solidarity among a lot of the women there was a lot of support that was education there were support groups and and they developed relationships with women without men around and so they were able to Foster and nurture real female empowered relationships that's so sad and cool at the same time yeah right it's sad but it's like well it's nice that something is working out for the like women in jail seem didn't have a way better time of it than men in jail to seems like a better deal I think so you probably not getting beat up as much isn't there a new reality show about women in jail with the following these women just women I've its most of them to follow I saw that's called jailbirds on Netflix and watch that yes that's right is that good

about yet follows him in the Sacramento Jail like the other and holding or it seems like there's so many fucking shows about people in jail that it must be like prisoners must get agents now oh my thank get off first I got an offer from MSNBC for lockup Craig they like you but they'd like you to just get some face tattoos do you think you'd be good you know they'll put you on yeah hey Andy all right okay any bad guys show they giving you guys in jail Greg Fitzsimmons I got that from the we're giving you a two-year option but I'm only in here for one you follow golf right yeah I want to talk to you about this because it's so ridiculous I saw this guy got suspended from his serious Golf Show because he was talking about the LPGA and he goes who who's going to win the LPGA he goes let me go out on a limb and say it's going to be a Korean is apparently Koreans win a lot of them 70% of the lpga's Korean crazy so and then he said he goes could pick a name he goes is Italy he goes how many

these do we have that entered in his like six Lee's six leaves was there six leads they said he was racist and sexist and they suspended him for those comments like first of all it's not bad to win okay when he sang who do you thinks gonna win probably a Korean well that's good that means the Koreans kick ass at golf that's not fucking racist right is that racist to say that it's also not racist to say maybe the name is Lee because there's a lot of Lee's that's not racist that's accurate turns out there were six leaves yeah like come on folks right now we're not saying anything bad you're talking about something that everybody loves which is golf right you all love it that's why you're listening to golf radio and then you bring about an impoverished country that is found a way like black people found boxing or irish guys found the fucking police force like you find something to rise up out of well Curry hard work hard I mean I guarantee you that's part of it it's probably the part of the

sure I had a very good friend of mine of the talked about many times in this podcast who was u.s. national champ while he was in medical school National Taekwondo champion and I realized how hard some people whirring oh yeah junk sick Chang that was his name yeah great guy one of my favorite people I've ever met I love them to death every wax women but in men's golf and it men's golf is very International now it's never had more players from around the world but not a lot of Koreans is like a Japanese guy who's way up top and and there's another Korean guys good but nothing like LPGA that's interesting I don't know anything about I didn't know anything about Koreans in golf before I saw that but we have to make a differentiation between something that is about a race and something that's racist yeah this is not negative you're literally talking about a positive thing they're winners you want to win don't you want to win you're trying to win right well they win a lot there are awesome at it

and it's not they're not cheating they're just kicking ass they're better at golf yeah and some of them are namely this nothing racist here this is not rare upset because the ratings for the LPGA our way down because they want to see Americans playing so there's like a so it's yeah it's a big issue because so you think his attitude is racist because he's like mocking it because Koreans winning it so he doesn't care I don't know I don't know that that's his that's hen chattering block no I don't think it's his intention I think this is sensitivity about it because it's become an issue I get that I get that that makes sense but it just doesn't make sense if you just going off what he said what he said I what I'm getting is you're being super fucking sensitive with how you how you treat people that are talking about Winners yeah like that's the case with Filipinos and pool Filipinos are some of the greatest pool players of all time some of my all-time favorite

players are from the Philippines Francisco Bustamante at for Andreas Rodolfo lewitt Alex pagi lion some of the greatest of all time Dennis are cool oh all those guys were Filipino this is the top of the food chain man when you saw those guys playing a tournament like fuck like you knew they were winning yeah I mean Efrain Rios want everything Bustamante when everything's guys are murderers and if you said like who's going to win this tournament probably a Filipino everybody start laughing like yep probably they wouldn't be a negative would be a positive yeah they're the some of the best in the world at pool that's not racist that's accurate yeah now what is it with it with mme what are what are the big nationalities is that's a good question Russians Russians are murder in it right now there's a lot of badass Russia's wherever life is hard you're going to find Fighters and you're going to find people that survived where life is hard and Thrive and then that's how you get like a

beep nurmagomedov he got a hard motherfucker who knows how to fight in any scare shit same thing with Conor McGregor you get a hard neighborhood hard life you know growing up in Dublin dangerous fighting since he was young you know that's how you get these beasts and then you get a lot of American MMA guys come from wrestling or the military yes some of them some of them from the military you know it's rare you know we had special forces guy like Tim Kennedy of course is probably one of the most famous Brian stann also military veteran and you look at these guys that are you know the guys that are capable of being SEALS or Rangers or Green Berets there are just Elite humans they're just they're people that know how to do things and push themselves in a way that other people don't sometimes that translates over the fighting and sometimes it doesn't yeah you know sometimes they just don't have the physical capability of it like they might have the mindset to survive War and the ability to get through Buds and to get through grueling physical training but he ain't Being John Jones

you know like there's just levels this thing there's genetic levels you know Jon Jones has like some of the best genetics ever and then uses them as good as anybody that's ever existed best had controlling distance of all time he's got two brothers and of NFL players so this is like super genetics in the how right both his brothers are NFL Stars that's amazing and he's the baddest light heavyweight of all time and he's smart so it's not just physical it's also intellectual he's also sets traps for people he measures them he sees what they're doing and he feels weakening he pressures and puts heavy pressure on people he knows when to ebb and flow he's just a genius at fighting to lightweights have longer careers no no I would say the opposite I would say the bigger guys actually have they can compete at a higher level deep into their 30s and even 40s like Randy Couture I think I think he re won the heavyweight title when he was 42

check it out I would think there'd be more Knockouts with heavy weights is a lot of Knockouts with heavy weights but they their bodies maintain what God them to the dance later in life like George Foreman George Foreman won the heavyweight title I think he was 46 when he knocked out Michael Moore so the oldest ever heavyweight champion and that's just unheard of at welterweight you're not going to see 46 year old welterweights winning the world title against Earl Spencer jr. someone like that you just not going to see that 43 he was 43 Randy was yeah and find out how old George Foreman was when he knocked out Michael Moore so that's crazy that's crazy old 43 yeah you don't see that at a hundred twenty-five pounds you just don't you just don't write it a hundred twenty-five pounds no one wins the title at 43 so just the mass almost helps you survive something like that I also think they lose less as they get older he was 44 45 so yeah George Foreman was the oldest ever heavyweight champion in 45 crazy

he didn't like that is so unusual as like a middleweight the only one who maintained a world championship caliber skillset deep into his 40s was Bernard Hopkins and Archie Moore when Archie Moore was younger I'm going to put something you know we're talking about the Rocky Marciano days that was he fought deep into his 40s as well but he was just like real crafty veteran he actually also trained George Foreman which is very interesting so like that crafty veteran trained George Foreman to be a crafty veteran yeah and maintain his power he had a real unusual you don't remember but George Foreman used to almost like put his hands up like he didn't know how to fight like yeah don't hit me don't hit me it almost like that but that was his defense he would move forward like this because he was so big he was such an enormous man with these enormous arms so when he would stack them on top of each other and walk towards you like that it was his weird offense and he learned that from Archie Moore part of the part of his defense and holding his

ends up in a weird way he learned from Archie Moore right well you know the oldest hockey player in the NHL is the also the biggest six foot eight guys The Dana Chara Bruins 43 What's that name what is his name zidane achara what Slovakian yeah he that dude is from The Lord of the Rings look let's listen to that name they gave birth to him in a meadow they rode a horse out there is Destiny they predict how long he been alive I was young yeah just that name he seriously fucking Viking he's an animal he fights I saw oh yeah I saw this one fight where he hit a guy and the guy kind of took a dive and he leaned down and picked him up with one hand and started punching him with the other lifted him off the ice with one hand yeah I saw one thing the guy did that's really fucked up a guy hip toss to dude he Judo through them like he swept him like he grabbed

hold of them swept his leg out kicked his leg out like a hoochie Mata and slammed his fucking head onto the ground jeez it was rough yeah yeah I was like man that ain't the same as fighting like you you know you're on Ice yeah he may be no one's told me couldn't do it right but he used some really fucking sneaky shit yeah you know yeah the fighting and they need a chat is funny there's a there's really great clips of guys talking to each other before fights mmm and it's amazingly calm they literally go like hey you want to go and the guy will be like y'all go and then they fight

and then they threatened as soon as one of the other guys yeah they just throw their gloves down and they start fighting it's all it's all part of the game it's all fucking orchestrated and this players that fight and there's players that don't and if you're on the if you're on the ice with another goon then it's it's expected that you guys are going to fight some point Jesus yeah what a crazy way to make a living bare-knuckle fighting on slippery floor yeah but you know they don't they don't get hit that much because they get the Jersey up they do they get hit enough though yeah I've been watching dudes who have skills now you're seeing way more guys who have boxing skill right doing this like guys who like laying like short uppercuts and right left hooks where you like oh my God I gotta turn that punch over there kind of want to punch yeah there's not as many over hands so you're all you're doing with the overhead it when the guy in the helmet with your fists yeah the flailing sometimes you don't see that sometimes you see in guys will throw a fucking straight punches you know all right you don't know how to fight and then this guy knows how to do that while he's out yeah this one look at this boom boom that's Gonna Knock Out boom

that's a good KO while he's hold and then he gives them one way is going down and he goes down he's out cold

boom boom thanks another that guys out yeah I believe is right from the shoulder oh yeah like I can punch he's your punching in the face while he's punching you in the face to it's chaos it's a terrible way to punish people not only a great fighter what one of the best players in the league and also and also a great fighter wow that's a crazy sport meant doesn't get enough love Yeah name name name get the average person name a famous hockey players currently playing I know this is same guy this crazy thing happened this year this is an insane video to watch I can't show it people at home I might have seen this but the puck literally flies and hits him right in the face and he barely moves as it did I might have should show it again in slow motion right here check to see if his teeth got knocked out oh man you got punked right in the mug yeah

bro that is hard while that guy can take it fuck hitting that bitch is insane good you know the fucking Bruins and I actually dropped game one last night against the blues but the Bruins are set to win the Stanley Cup which means Boston will win the fucking Super Bowl the World Series and the Stanley Cup in one year I remember when we live there they couldn't win shall it was like they had such an inferiority complex yeah and then we get close like the Celtics were good at Larry Bird and Danny how they have it forever because like when was the last time the Yankees won the World Series how long ago was that she's mm

eight so it's been 11 years I think know I could be way off on that but they still have it there's still the Yankees you know but for the Red Sox they'd never pulled it off and then that Bill Buckner thing Bill box are just dying so sad and that's the thing about being in bought because I grew up a Mets fan we had season tickets to The Met since I was a little kid and so when they get into the World Series and I was going to school in Boston surrounded by massholes watching these fucking games and they're just I'm sorry if you're from Boston take it the fuck easy about your sports they're so loud like like like last night with the with the Bruins game they boo the entire they introduced the blues they boo every fucking player it's just it's barbaric the animals so then fucking Buckner who's this storied amazing player who's a journeyman he's been out there forever they put him at first base he used to be an outfielder but he slowed down I think he had bad legs are some say put him at first base

he gets a fucking ball hit to him it took a bad hop watch the video it took a bad hop and he missed it and they fucking there were death threats they dropped them that year he went down a pot tuck it in Rhode Island's play in the minors they showed up there and fucking terrorize them he had to move out to like Arizona to hide geez he's fucking Boston fans I remember people walk in the streets what year was that 84 86 86 I remember people walk in the streets they just be walking around the neighborhood with their hands in their hair like fuck yeah after they lost fuck yes walking the street yeah yeah we're so mad it was all anybody wanted to talk about right because they hadn't won a World Series since 2017 or something it was crazy I was ready mm 1970 yeah 1970 I was already over baseball at that point I wasn't interested in baseball anymore so for me it was really fascinating to watch yeah watch these people because I had gone

caring about baseball to being obsessed with martial arts and that was in the trend like I got obsessed with martial arts and like 81 so by the time of 86 world around us like what the fuck are you people paying attention yeah some guy dropped the ball you're gonna be okay yeah what is this not only that but that same year I believe it was that same year the Mets that we're seeing here the paint the Patriots lost to the Bears in the Super Bowl and they got it was one of the biggest blowouts in Super Bowl history oh yeah that's right no riding off of that to those rough times 1/2 times for Boston yeah I don't want to live there because I can't deal with the cold I'm too much of a pussy these days yeah but I love those fucking animals oh boss is the best I fucked his love boss they're different man yeah they're characters the different grown up there I think for both of us like to start and to start our comedy careers their I think was insanely valuable yeah because they're not taking any bullshit they're they're not they're not taking any

a stacked it's slow and Meandering and self-absorbed not happening now and it's still like that so like I was just there and it's like they don't here's what here's what it is when you walk on stage in Boston the audience doesn't automatically by default give you credit for being in charge right you have to earn it every time yep we are first you first joke in Boston is fucking clutch you got to get up there and get a laugh fast it's fucking cold there in the winter it makes harder people that's right it makes people that know how to get past that fucking hump yeah that's all three month hump where it sucks you remember that yeah it's brutal number it's fucking windy down the stitches fucking combat of it's fucking freezing waiting for the door just trembling while you wait for the train Outdoors how about a fucking underground Subway no outside outside outside yeah then what is smushed together buddy

reason every time the door opens everyone's fucking freezing fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck get in your car in the morning to start it like fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck yeah so cold and they also have the it's an immigrant City to you know they had to all the Italians in the Irish they all came in and they fucking fought it out go over real estate where they were going to live who's going to get the union jobs and it created a very tough it's like Philly or the Bronx this just cities where they had that that fighting at the turn of the century yeah I think it was the magical ingredient for stand up that's part of the magical ingredient the magical ingredient wasn't just that there was guys like Barry crimmins and Lenny Clarke and Steve Sweeney and Don Gavin and Mike Donovan and all these brilliant comedians that we saw that we were so lucky to see it was also that they they were being their audiences were Savages yeah so the like great how about another joke you know great how about another one like though I keep coming you come with the jokes jokes like they

Joe don't like those guys like when you watch like Lenny Clarke murderer room you there was no no one's getting a break there's no breathing room yeah you just getting pounded yeah he's smashing you like those guys developed in that style where people just were constantly wanting to be amused like let's go let's go with the fucking Meandering yeah they want I want to thank you want it without attitude they went anti-authoritarian attitude it was always like I remember Kenny rogerson's joke of like I remember I am not saying I was drinking a lot but I drove into a lake got pulled over by the Coast Guard they said I have been drinking I go I'm gonna Lake

it was always just fuck you too with all right you know yeah everything was like so I'm doing a bump yeah everything was like doing lines and drinking and Chaos John Tobin who runs the left Boston he's telling me the story he's a fucking if you ever want to hear Gavin stories for an hour straight go to lunch with John Tobin and bring a fucking handkerchief because he's got Don Gavin stories he's talking about how Gavin who likes to drink White Russians does a late show and goes up there and repeats a joke and he walks off stage and one of the comedian's goes Don you said the same joke twice up there and he goes records 606 X oh my God how drunk are you like on death's door you like rubbing your face on the door of death look hello let me but it's also the not giving a shit that he did it six

and your fuck is give a fuck you fuck you still don't give a fuck last time I saw him still down Gavin hasn't slowed down drinking one hand big smile on his face he's always been my favorite he's one of the greatest of all time and my opinion yeah what from what I've seen I mean he was so sharp in the 80s and the early 90s when we were around he was so sharp his punch lines would come one after the other and you didn't see him come in and they would just catch you off-guard little offbeat punchline yeah we'll throw aways yeah like throwaway line that was like that's some funny shit you ever heard yeah that that whole bit that he's to do about going to a salad bar oh yeah oh my God yeah he was a murderer he goes up front they got chickpeas in the back you got the lobster giving you the finger which is so lucky man we're so lucky we got to experience that because I think it's so different out here now like where we're at now is like

like of Comedy was an education we're hanging around with a bunch of tenured professors right in La yeah everyone's got tenure everyone's like you know whether it's Jeselnik or you know Neal Brennan or you or what this is was just a gang Headliners like a swamp of Headliners but when we were doing it man it was so uncertain there was not there was not that thing where there was like this established community of like

nationally touring stand-up comedians that you were around all the time you didn't have any oh nobody had any TV credits nobody had any TV crowd one headliner it was all about and the beauty of it was it was a total meritocracy because you'd there were guys like you know Gavin is he there was there were half a dozen guys that could draw yeah and the rest of us were hired because it was a comedy night somebody fucking hand Drew comedy on a sign and put it in front of a Chinese restaurant and you showed up and you got book because the book or thought you could kill it's all that mattered was that you could do a good job and said can you do it now they're afraid if you have not what fucking Twitter account you have once you got credit so then you could do the road that was a different yeah to get out of Boston you needed a credit yeah when you're doing the road they all wanted to know what TV show you've been on they all wanted to know that yeah have you done comedy Spotlight what about half-hour Comedy Hour have you done this and if you had HBO special hole

you sure yeah that was the bomb diggity you were headlining every Club you wanted to he's got an HBO special but back then everyone that we knew had nothing I remember Budd Friedman came to town in the early 90s when it was evening at The Improv was like the original remember that trip shot stand-up comedy show the put it on the map put a + e on the map it was their first big show yeah I remember he came to town and it was a showcase at Duck Soup and we all we all went up and then Budd Friedman who fucking great guy takes us all out to dinner afterwards and sits down and he goes goes through each of us he goes you did a great job you need a little bit more work I like that too but you did and he gets a day Fitzgerald and he goes you got it you're doing the show and we were just all like Fitzgerald's one people thought they forgot about he was very funny yeah he was great very funny tight great drinking stories yeah he's another guy that found his stage leg

during Alcoholics Anonymous meetings right there's a few of those guys that get you know you know that's a say they say you're going to AA meetings and you end up just getting addicted to coffee yeah I never walked out of a Dunkin Donuts with a wildebeest on my arm my my my and the more Boston accent you had in Boston the more they loved you yeah you know all right Lenny was the only one who had legitimate credits because at that time like even in the 80s Lenny had already been on Rodney Dangerfield special the HP oh yeah I think when I worked with them it was after he had been on Rodney Dangerfield so I had Lenny on like three weeks ago four weeks ago he was a fucking hilarious he's still so funny man yeah he's all healthy now totally sober exercises but I opened up for him like the second time I ever got paid and I think it was after he had already been on HBO

I think it was like right afterwards so he was like Sara Lee partying with Kennison and he was in the middle of like his Runway started got a television show out here he talked about that too but how he got ripped off his agents stole all of his money no shit you don't know that story no I'll send you the link I don't want to repeat the story because you want it you want to hear him say wow there was a big Scandal those his thing was called Spotlight agency if you're with the oh yeah Spotlight number they stole everybody's money yep yeah they still have everybody's money yeah one agent just yeah they used to put a lot of colleges and stuff but but there's a story about how Jim a collie who booked The Tonight Show forever he said he'd heard about Boston and he's like and they're telling me this is back in like maybe the mid-80s and they're telling about how you got to go to Boston all the great Comics are in Boston now you got to you know talk about all the names we just said so he sets up a showcase at the what was that that Chinese restaurant

that was like the original room

which one Kowloon now before wave at how the Ding Ho sang ho yeah they set up a Showcase of the ding Hall and all the guys come down and they're in the green room and they're drinking they're doing blow they're cracking each other up and they all go up there and they do fucking you know local references and they're doing jokes about the Boston accent and McCall is just sitting there going what the fuck is going on here and then Steven Wright goes up and he does Stephen Wright and Ed they find out a couple days later nobody got it except Steven Wright and Steven Wright at that time Lenny told him II think it was Lenny one of them sat Stephen write down and goes Steve you're a sweet guy you're terrific kid this isn't for you because he used to bomb in Boston because he was he was monotone and you know he was doing a stick and it didn't play in Boston we did for these guys they told him you should stop oh no he got The Tonight Show they fly about he does asset

Johnny liked him so much they said can you stay another week did another spot and in that first year he must have done for tonight shows and he became fucking huge and got a special out of it and they're all sitting at home going like I fucking killed at Nothing To Kill Ya whoops tell him that to quit that's hilarious yeah comedy it only been around for 30 years yeah you tell him to quit nobody knows how to do it yet right you don't imagine I'm an expert in this you gotta quit like nobody nobody can really tell you that you can never figure it out because comedy is not that different than anything else and that if you really put a lot of time and effort and attention to it you get better at it hmm so if we got any laughs at all you can get you might not be doing it the right way but that's part of the process right so yeah I think George Carlin said no matter how bad a comedian is there's always one joke in his act that I go

God I wish I wrote that joke and if you have that one joke it means you're capable of writing one yes and sometimes your life changes and it puts you in a different space that makes you a better comedian whether it's your performance of your writing but you we go and comedy is it's a you're displaying what's going on inside of you when you're on stage on some level your anger your fear whatever it is it comes out in your performance yeah and so if something changes fundamentally in your luck sometimes it's getting married sometimes your father dies whatever you see people change they get sober and they can they can suddenly get good yeah it can happen

if it's like anything else in your life if you run into someone they lost a hundred pounds like what the fuck you lost a hundred pounds how did you do it I just made a change I just decided I'm not doing that anymore I'm gonna live my life different and then I started riding that momentum and then here we are all right 16 months later yeah that could happen with anything I remember Jim Norton when he started wasn't that funny struggled and all sudden boom found his voice he's fucking great yeah it's weird when someone can't find their voice right it's like there's that that uncertainty of life just yes it's gonna work out yeah I wasting my time then he find it yeah or not or not you know and again it's dependent also about how good are you at recognizing when you fucking up how good it you are you do you gloss over mistakes or do you examine them and learn from them yeah cuz if you gloss over God damn it takes forever to figure it out because you got to play little games with yourself and pretend you didn't do bad so if you didn't do bad you don't feel bad if you don't

about you not going to change yeah like that's part of the reason that exists that that horrible feeling when you fuck something up like that is so that's the back that's the biological buzz like hey fuckface you lost this is bad figure this out but if you can lie to yourself you don't feel that basilio Nam dinh find it was amazing I was rude crowd sucked well that's why getting sober can affect that change because that's ultimately what sobriety is you know if you have a problem you keep lying to yourself and you go you know I'm fine it was just last night I'm not going to do that again yeah or you can say it was that crowd

and then you know you'll see them struggle and some sort of weird way but comedy is it's so abon flow depending on day-to-day it's like talking to people you know you talking to people on a day-to-day basis like the people are different day to day they suddenly this way or that way and when you get enough people in the fucking room and they're drinking it's weird and then maybe you're a little tired and it comes off strange like God that's it sucked I need to get another set under my belt and then the next set you like boy I don't want it to be like that last set so I'm going to fire the fuck up and then oh this one was good good good let me relax now just I don't have to work that hard yeah that sucked yeah motherfucker the be like okay we're playing this game are we yeah that's the process yeah and if they're I never have a better set than after a bad set yeah always you're on your toes yeah I try to play a little game with myself where I pretend I just hate shit

really we're going to say the percentage of H shit a chance to redeem myself let's go wow yeah I play little games with myself sometimes I had last night I had a who was sitting in the Crowd Oh Andy Kindler was sitting in the crowd with son of a bitch sorry I'm just kidding Andy and I love Andy and who the fuck else was out there oh and Harlan Williams who are both like of Harlem such interesting comedians that they're watching me and you feel I usually don't give a fuck who's watching me but last night is the improvin that was like nobody there and I felt like I can't mail it in with a regular set I got to fuck around here a little bit and I had just had a fucking great set because it it made me dig in a little bit yes yes that's a one of the really good aspects about The Comedy Store these days to is it is always people that you respect in the room yeah

Zoe someone there all right now is always wrong and whites there you know Bastian gave me a big compliment the other night I wanted my jokes I felt nice yeah the Sebastian's a guy the struggled struggled pretty early on in a hard time hard time finding his voice and I didn't get a chance to see how good he had become and I watched him on Showtime in a hotel room in Vegas I was there for UFC or something and I watched Sebastian and Showtime special and I was like goddamn this is good I think I tweeted about our Theatre tweeted it or I emailed him I don't remember which was like that is fucking he's fucking good yeah that was he's really really good I watch them at the store the other night I mean Jesus he is bigger than life up there he just dominates the room it's very good and it took a while took a while for him to find that thing and it happened while I was away was not around The Comedy Store I really couldn't didn't get a chance

his SATs so before he was funny he was funny but he would have good sets and bad sets who'd she was kind of struggling a little bit mmm but he found it yeah just took his time worked hard always hustled found it to gesell next last fall she looks so fucking good he's so good I mean it's like I've always liked them I've always enjoyed why and I don't watch people's whole hour rarely but I've always watched this all ours is writing is just so like intensely it's he's a

Sven he works hard and there's 2013 2 car especially hotel room laugh my ass off let's podcast you sexy bitch yeah that was so that was 2013 I had been still out of the store I'd been out of store for like at that point shit that was only six years I hadn't been the store and six yes specials excellent I just love guys like him and and Harlan's one of those guys to that their comedies is very specific to them they like Brody was a great example that Brody's comedy so specific to Brody like if you see eight one eight till I die like why is that funny to you but you without you liked you immediately got a smile thinking about Brody saying it now his comedy was so specific to him

I was a male model in Pakistan I was on the cover of camel beat

he was so funny we would ask him to do those jokes doing please do the male model joke you'd yell out to him bro did you ever do any modeling funny ask yeah Rogan supportive I go Brody how did you get to the store tonight La Cienega God North took it to San Vicente he would just say names of roads in La for five minutes and it was funny for whatever reason yeah God I miss that guy he was like to me it was always like he was trying to make people laugh and he was also trying to blow himself up he was trying to fill himself up it was like he was doing self affirmations with his comedy he wasn't boasting he was trying to convince himself that he was good enough to be up there forever in my office I had a photo laminated photo that said Office Depot employee of the month and it was Brody he took this photo it was like what he was using as a headshot

I kept it just to give you a smile when I was riding I put it up on my little cork board did you find that man I need to get another one of those I don't know what the fuck happened to it when he died I've never seen I don't think I've ever seen a turnout for a comedian dying said it the way that's exactly that was laminated in my office please do me a favor and print that up and let's get it get that turned into another one that I put in my office because I somewhere in the move from this studio from the old Studio the studio I lost it

but I always had that in my office it's still look at just because Brody was just so Brody yeah he was just open raw and he you know he was one of those guys where you really have to be there you have to see him yeah like it's an he's he's not he doesn't translate no one translates a hundred does a dirty little secret about comedy specials you don't translate a hundred percent of what you're experiencing when you're in that room that's why you're writing has to be even sharper and your act outs have to be even sharper everything has to be tightened down because you're not experiencing the physical presence of all the audience members and the comedian all in this room together because it's an intangible right so if like going to see you live at The Wilbur Theater if that's a hundred percent watch new on Netflix is like 80% yeah the take away all the other people there's no other people there's just you you can pretend they're there but they're not there

so you don't have that feeling of being in a public place the bunch of the people which lights you up and then you don't have the comic that you came to see right in front of you you don't have that yeah you don't have the air you're all sharing the same air you're all in the room together you feel each other and some sort of a weird way so it's like 20% of every show but with Brilliance of the momentum of like if you cut if you come to a comedy show you're surrounded by people that have an agenda to laugh they got a babysitter they paid money they sat down they are motivated to laugh and so now you're surrounded by if you're the Wilbur Theater you got a thousand people that all have that energy together you're sitting in your underwear under a blanket on a couch watching a show yeah it's 80% though for the most part yeah maybe might be in the 70s 79% what's the best stand-up comedy special of all time in your mind

there are independent the thing about them is none of them really last they're not it's comedy is one of the most rapidly depreciating art forms in the culture in terms of its staying power try it try and watch a movie we loved in the 80s yeah try to watch a comedy movie I know I tried it with my kids all the time and they look at me and they go why are you showing me garbage yeah a few of them stand up Blues Blues Brothers sure yeah but does it really it stands up because it's a classic but if it came out today would it be that much of a classic probably not probably not things change they evolved in comedy they evolve rapidly and their unforgiving like I always say Lenny Bruce who I think is the main guy that started this whole thing mmm he started it when it was other guys that were kind of doing it you know there's more that's all

there's a few guys who were doing you know some similar stuff I'm sure that didn't become famous but as far as guys that became famous at that time who were genuinely regarded almost universally as being brilliant comedians Lenny Bruce was the mac daddy like he was a guy who did all the television shows he did all those shows and they wanted him to come on and he was brilliant he would go on there with great material and it was clean and then he morphed you know he just kept expanding and morphing and he got more into drugs and just started just just at the end of his career was really losing his fucking mind it was just fighting these obscenity cases yeah and he was taught going on stage as videos of him you could watch videos of him of that you could buy that I bought VHS tapes of back in the day where he would read the transcripts of his trial on stage and people would like tell jokes yeah come on where's the fucking jokes like in the end he just completely went off the rails right

but his his steps I think we're the first steps of modern stand-up comedy so anything he did was the greatest thing of all time back then and you watch it now and it doesn't hold on Holland does not hold up at all but all know neither does a lot of other prior holds up prior holds up yeah prior holds up Leo Hicks holds up but in a weird way it sticks holds up in a way where you're realizing like wow this guy was doing some shit that no one else was doing back then hmm a young man on acid realized that life is just you know you know the whole bit that he does but positive stories in the in the news and remember exactly how the bit worse but it's hilarious bit like that's a brilliant bit Yeah well crafted bit hit a lot of those old people should do stunts in move yes yeah that was yeah I mean he had some great shit man they were great bits he was a different guy what he did is he like made people in the audience think about

ideas that you probably wouldn't have thought about if not for his ACT he challenged you to be smarter like though there's part of that one of the things that hicks was doing is like he was his like kinnison went this way right kinnison was like Ronald Reagan is the fucking president her gonna kick ass wow you know he went but he was also smart and he had great points like the only reason why that bit about the African people that were starving to death that bit about yeah those late-night television shows which is one of his darkest pits ever and one of his best bits but this it worked because he was smart because he had points that were irrefutable it wasn't just these African kids starving to death let me tell you what's funny about that nothing's funny about that it was him saying why don't you feed him you're right there hmm and then and then he would have these kind of bits that were fucked up but they were so well crafted you like Jesus this guy

this is so good and so for then he was the greatest of all time when Kennedy came along man he was a motherfucker yeah no one had ever seen anything like that before yeah I remember how much you were affected by him you and Mike McDonald he was fucking Mike McCarthy McCarthy yeah comedy Barbarian yeah yeah we both were huge kinnison fans couldn't we what he just made me think oh that's comedy to I didn't know you could do that but that's a different thing it's guys scream it I was married twice and he's fat need a beret on an overcoat and he would come into the Stern Show Drunk after being up all night and do without a doubt the best turn appearances of all time animal yeah you know his story to write you know there was a teacher right you know what flipped him though what head injury hit by a car no shit yep him and Roseanne both the same story wow yeah there's something about traumatic brain injuries that lead to a lot of people being extremely impulsive

and they wind up doing a lot of wild shit dude TJ Miller all themselves yeah he had some kind of a brain thing happen to him and he needed he got treated for it and he recovered but that's when he started acting kind of erratic whoa yeah it happens people get a rational and you get impulsive get very impulsive happens with ex-football players x-fighters right but that's what happened to Sammy get hit by a car is brother wrote a book about it called Brother Sam has brother Bill and that's one thing to talks about like Sam was like this normal kid gets hit by a fucking car and then I'll said he's just wild man like wild demon no control yeah didn't give a fuck right you know that's a guy that I wish I meant like fuck God damn a little oh I really wanted to meet that guy we met Hicks though we did mean heck yeah we firstly song we were in the room with them we didn't hang out with him or he said hi to him as a grain runs about it huh yeah huh I always think of that

like a young comic Comes The Green Room to say hi to me I was thinking fucking be nice to this kid because this means more to him than you can imagine fuck yeah just the fact that hicks acknowledge I was alive yeah yeah we got we got an amazing comedy education my friend yeah

it's so lucky to have a job where you could say what you want to and you don't have to worry like that poor LPG a guy called golf guy gets suspended well especially now because like it really TV doesn't matter being banned from TV doesn't end your career anymore no you know look at fucking Jim Jeffrey says some shit that's fucking crazy he does his whole bit about rape that's like I couldn't believe they was on Sirius XM radio the other day and like you know he's show got cancelled he's got another fucking show but without those it doesn't matter you get you get your shit up on the internet you do a podcast heat or you don't ever have to do The Tonight Show again you don't have to do you know yeah there was only a few Avenues back then yeah not as its infinite supposed to be good yeah you just have to be interesting we're not even man mean there's a lot of fucking people that just do makeup tutorials then make millions the world is crazy yeah but don't think that it's supposed to be fair like all those guys back

Austin hey what the fuck I killed that night same thing but don't think this world supposed to be fair this thing is not this thing no one knows what the fuck is going on this kid is making Thirty million dollars review and toys on YouTube yep that's just how it is because he loves toys and that's when he started doing what do you love now we do it just that's how it is like you getting upset about that doesn't help anybody yeah yeah the kid makes 30 million review and toys you go figure it out figure your thing you know yeah don't get too mad at the kid fuck that kid yeah I got money I just want 1 million a year that's all I want from you come on kid hey Haley gave it to me you're not even use it your 7 I was a veteran yeah it's a veteran reviewing toys online good 12 to 12 year old boy is for good little queers this fucking doll this little doll

this fucking Soldier never saw the shit I saw the shit yeah this is this fake GI Joe bullshit fucking Soldier

yeah what is the next thing like it's not veterans review and toys it's not going to be that but what would be the next thing

the next thing

so I think it's got to be it's got to be something that that like lets people interact more that's what people looking for I mean you got social apps but how do you take a social app and make it something that you sit down and watch every day as programming right let's do this what's the clip show or what's the who's the host that can take social media and do like we talk soup did with with video clip with Cable cable TV shows yeah

how do you capture social media and present it to people in a way that is more linear well the thing is like everybody sort of agreeing that social media is insanely addictive and that people are sort of in denial about it most people have a real issue with it yeah most people that I know are addicted to their phones their stare at their phones all day they can't help it they're the drawn to the next text message they want the next twit tweet whatever it is yeah well they want to see that next Facebook post an Instagram post they're addicted to it and what what we're doing is making it more more addictive they're making it better right everything keeps getting better the cameras keep getting better the apps are better

the algorithms they figure out how long it should take to reload and to move to another page and went to present the next the next graphic that all that stuff is the same guys that figured out how slot machine should work in Vegas to keep you putting quarters in to them yeah they figure out how often you need to win and how loud the bells should be and then they extract your data right and then they sell that data and then they make infinite amounts of money and they want to keep you on the tit and so they're going to keep that tip juicy it all kinds of new stuff what about these anti-vaxxers they're moving into your neighborhood what the fuck they are yeah next thing you know you're embroiled in a Facebook anti-vaxxers debate the keeps you up in the middle of night you go back to check the post what the fuck did you write the fuck did he wrote oh it's gonna go to sleep and now I'm gonna let him know oh my Kuma piece of my mind how many people are just ready to blow their fucking brains out send in front of the computer at night and arguments with people on Facebook yeah

first of all that is one of the worst ways to communicate I understand that it's a really effective way to communicate but just text messages just text just writing things back at least like one of the crudest ways that we know it's you might as well send a raven yeah really right wrap a fucking piece of paper around that Ravens foot and send it and I'll read it when I okay this is what he means yeah like we could talk to each other now it's we should limit the amount of texting we do I really think well what about video texts yeah I haven't seen much of that a lot got a Hey Joe what's happening man give me a call later send that's because you're white yesterday Wiz Khalifa was here and he was saying that everybody face times now how yeah and the I know this for a fact because I was taking a shit when Killer Mike FaceTime to me so he is also a member of the how prestigious community and yeah he's their fucking their face time each other now which I'm for yeah that's great that's better that's better that's connecting everybody that's been now you called me on the phone yesterday yes

and you were like that's it I'm done with texting I'm only calling it and I was like that Joey Diaz is that yeah I'm doing that now Joey gets offended and almost angry if you email them I mean I'll text people details for things and addresses yeah like that but if it's somebody I like I like you know I want to talk to him yeah hi and there's other thing that's happened when you keep in touch with people with text you realize how rarely you talk to them on the phone you know and there's a few of my friends that I hardly ever see yeah so I've been trying to make time for like dinner plans go to hang out with you know friends right and just just instead of just always working yeah so like I'm always every like plan that I make in terms of what I do with my times either family related or work-related yeah and I feel like I've got a I've got to like reach out to friends more like a one-on-one face-to-face sort of way they leave this this comprehensive study that started the 1930s by Harvard University about what causes happiness and the

number one thing was friendship yeah people talk about family they talk about work and you overlook Community you know friendship means it's almost like like sometimes I feel like I really love my wife I got so fucking lucky she I hear her voice and I get happy when she walks in the door I jump up I want to talk to her but to the point where on a Saturday night we just go out to dinner we just go do something during the day we just hang out and sometimes I think I should be spending more time with friends you know especially since then I can talk shit about her there you go kid call but you know it really it really is like you know you don't carve out that time and this this study said that gratitude and friendship are the two main things for happiness well it's great that you're married to your friend that's beautiful too right you know when you have friends when you have people that you can confide in and talk to you have different perspectives different points of view whether I mean it's always best

it's in your house like it's your wife would be amazing you know I'm very very Pro getting your shit together in terms of like the the way you run a relationship right like how nice are you how well do you guys get along and I think it should extend not just to your like your spouse but also to like all your friends like how nice are your friends mmm like what how little bullshit do you give them how much compliments do you give them a how objective are you with the way you guys interact with each other how much did he tell them that you care about them yeah how often you take them for granted I think I'm very Pro analysis and I think all of us could we could do well to analyze like how we interface with each other because I think most most problems that people have they it's like one thing happens in this thing happens and that thing happens but if the first thing didn't happen with the second

have happened if the first slight didn't happen if the first way you greeted someone it was with a big smile and a handshake and maybe we'll roll the whole conversation with a rolled in a totally different way and then afterwards someone else said hey I thought you were mad at Greg you know what I was with the way it came over and shook my hand and smiled at me and my God who cares what am I worried about whereas if you came over with an attitude oh this fucking guy and then he's like oh that fucking guys hasn't dropped it yet yeah we're still we're still arguing about the stupid fucking thing you know I'm right and no you know it's half of it is the way we interact with each other right male female boy boy whatever the fuck it's just human beings half of the way human beings like the way things go half of it is how we interact with each other he had the energy like I go to The Comedy Store sometimes and if I show up and like show up three minutes before my spot and then I parked the car and I'm walking in and somebody I like will say hi to me you know I'll see you know Dove dab it off or somebody haven't seen in a while and he says what's up and I kind of brushed

ask them because I'm late yeah yeah fucks up the relationship because that person feels like Oh I thought I meant a lot to that guy right so it's like Shaq got to show up early yeah be and think before I walk in be available to people because you know its it is you're right it can be very subtle how you shake someone's hand how you like don't hug them or hug them yep yep front of my goes the other day we play beach volleyball on Sundays that's my big social things we 15 years I've been playing with the same no shit yeah that's great exercise to it's great and we call ourselves the shirts because we're the only guys on the beach playing with our shirts on and we're fucking terrible we never get any better and and so so we go out and I hug I showed up and I hugged everybody and then this one guy Evan goes to me he goes you know I don't think you should hug everybody all the time I think a hug should be like for a special moment so it actually means something and I go

you have any see in intimacy problems and don't fucking put them on me I'll hunt I won't hug you but I'm fucking hugging everybody else I love it I love a moment where I can hug somebody The Comedy Store should be called the hug Festival yeah right place is all about hugs everyone's always hugging everybody yeah you know the more people that you can have like that in your life more people that you want to hug the better off you are yeah that's you know a community of people that you actually care about I hug the shit out of my kids yeah it bums me out when people don't like to now it bums me out when people don't like to hug their kids man uh kids it's a bummer it's a real bummer you know when you know someone who doesn't like being a parent it's rough yeah because you know you you know that that feeling it's all I mean it's this one of the things about having children do you realize it's all about trying to Foster love it's all about that it's all about you want them to be loving people to meet other love

people like this is possible it is possible if this family can get along and we all love each other and care about each other so much why why can't the human race why can't all these people get along better why can't they they can in the ideal circumstances you're out you're under ideal circumstances and most people aren't well it's fear that I think that that's what keeps people from being vulnerable yeah and hugging and expressing how they feel about each other and supporting like unconditional unconditional love is getting rid of the fear yeah you can't be afraid that this love is going to turn on you and this person's gonna hurt you right and you have to have had that happen a few times so you're like well I know what that is yeah I must have been annoying right yeah this analysis it's part of the problem yeah we're all part of the problem

yeah man it's um I think it's an interesting time for people to communicate though I don't think anybody is ever really gotten to the bottom of things in later I mean in the past the way people are trying to get to the bottom of things now there's a lot of noise but you mean emotionally I think emotionally the way we communicate with each other even the way people are examining government and examining foreign policy and Examining The Office of the President and examining voting and the electoral process there's things that people are in analyzing now and looking at the I think because of all the chaos of the internet we kind of lose sight of all the crazy shit that it's doing like it's doing so many different things and changing things so much that it's rewiring the way people are looking at the world self yeah and that's why all these fucking drugs are getting legalized the giant part of why psilocybin is getting legalized now

decriminalized in Denver marijuana's being decriminalized left and right it's because people here people like you and me and anyone else that has a brain that understands about drug laws here I'm talking about it and go this is crazy you can't lock people up for mushrooms and you should take them yeah she fucking take them the probably fix your brain they probably give you a new perspective and make you realize you were being a dick it's half of what's wrong with us right we're just worried about how we interface with each other and we do you think from the world but you see you're saying the internet is giving people insights and information that's changing the way we live I think so for sure I think the access to information because the stream is so large so much nonsense comes through it that you you lose perspective of all the positive changes taking place because the internet right all these drug legalization thinks I don't think would ever be possible without all of the information that's been distributed online whether it's through videos or through people talking about or

a sore comedy routines or just facts with facts based you know news organizations start putting the here's the real facts about marijuana and you know and fatalities and this is this is the real facts about where the money's going how it's going right now to fund cartels and how this is crazy because we're literally creating an organized crime Empire because we're making something that everybody wants yeah and right all that stuff is available now you can't so crotchety shots we're just talking about yeah it's another one I can't squash it with propaganda yeah like they couldn't have had a just kind of decide what narrative gets played out a newspaper right can't do that anymore well did you read that article I sent you about Stories versus facts yes I did and that's the you knowing you've all herati right yes the guy that wrote sapiens and it basically says that you know stories Trump facts and that basically we are a culture the human the human species has always believed the

whether it's religion or whether it's a political Dogma that we are more apt to ignore facts that don't support a story because telling facts being factual is difficult because sometimes that fact doesn't jibe with what you thought was true and now you have to rectify that and that's hard and so it's easier for us to just say you know we're all Jesus came and when we die our sins will be forgiven and we're supposed to do this and then if facts come up to negate how how long ago man you know all the all the things we know from archaeology that negate everything that's in the Bible then the story you still have 60% of the of our country

doesn't believe that the they think the planet is 6,000 years old I think it's 46% yeah yeah 46% of the country thinks that but they only think of it in terms of they won't denounce the Bible do they really mean if you had a gun to their head they really think that I don't think it's that high I think it's a lot of horseshit I think there's a lot of people that say it if that's what the Bible says is that is that what the Bible says that's the Bible says my only believe what did you tell them Burt I told him that's the Bible says Mama good boy yeah there's a lot of that right when he's with his friends he cracks open a beer and he's like what the fuck does my mama know about how old the fucking Earth is yeah there's a lot of we looked at how old she is yes Triton now a lot of people go to church on Sunday because culturally that's what you do yeah it doesn't mean they subscribe to all that stuff but then you got you know the every four years the government puts out an environmental study that is done by I think 12 different departments in the government and it's considered the quintessential update on where the

is internationally yeah and that came out in November and it was damning about pollutants and the administration put it out on Black Friday the day after Thanksgiving at three o'clock in the morning and they buried it and in it is everything about global warming you ever needed to know and they're no longer calling it global warming there they're no longer calling

it's no longer fossil fuel its freedom what is the new thing they're calling it Freedom juice something like that Jesus come they're literally changing the name of fossil fuels this is the Trump Administration yeah yes but a natural gases being rebranded to Freedom gas

wow that's like some Team America World Police type shit and it's like people that want to deny global warming it's like the facts are there in refute the anyways denying that the planets warming right I think they're denying how much of an impact human beings have and whether or not it's worth changing the way we do an industry yeah I know and whether or not we need to impose more restrictions on an exhaust fumes and mean factories how much your drive drive by a factory you see that pillowing smoke and are you like how the fuck are we allowing that yeah like there's places to this day will you drive there and you go oh this group gets to pollute the air that the babies breathe yeah they do for this business whatever the fuck they're doing to the making tires they get to pollute the air yeah and what is the worst polluter like when you drive by a factor you see the black smoke

shooting in the sky with what the fuck are they doing dude cruise ships I think I read their the number one a polluter we did a thing where we're trying to figure out was it with

who was it with someone was explaining how much Devastation cruise ships do in terms of the amount of fuel that they burn and the impact that they have and the fact owes Valentin Thomas was it her

they were talking about like each cruise ship like how much actual fuel they burn off it's Preposterous I think I've read their the biggest burners of fossil fuels in the world so giant fucking metal thing in the water yeah he would try to push a fucking row boat it's a lot of work it's a lot of work how what assholes are people where they built something like the Titanic like just what kind of an asshole says not only am I gonna make it out of metal like can we just use a bunch of small boats and get the nope nope nope nope nope nope I'm going to make the biggest biggest boat ever and when I write on it even God can't sink it

I mean I'm Noah imagine what an asshole you have to be to write even God can't shake it yeah on the side of the boat oh is that what they wrote yes oh that's hilarious wasn't that is that that's a fact right Scott that better not be an urban myth I think it said on the side of the Titanic even God can't sink yeah yeah they were one of these people to be excited and they're going nowhere cruise ship just going nowhere well it was something to do back then yeah imagine living back then oh I don't know what an aquarist conditioning and that was on TV yeah what is that Titanic 1920s yeah the Roaring remaking one and two tank to pitch name did it did it say what I think it said that's a quote someone said an employee I don't know if it was written on thought it was written on it 1911 oh it's a launch code it was 1911 quote rally

1911 fuck live in then it's more of a hundred years ago okay people were they back then we were that's what kind of cave people with a back then yeah you know have x-ray machines how the fuck they sit your broken leg would they do yeah well they doing on the cruise ships it's a video about how much they pollute whoa one ship are watch a cruise ship pollute as much as 13 million cars in one day is what this video is called wow no shit whoa hold has gotten so much bigger over to overtime holy shit 19 million cars well let's just band cruise ships wow Trump does there a trump cruise ship why doesn't he ever crucial because he hasn't thought of here he's gonna hear this podcast ha ha

let's wrap this up because I got to pee really bad Gregory will you be with me tonight at The Improv cassoulet chose good times with money Franklin Allen mccroskey got some dates got some dates coming up people I'm going to be in lovely Atlanta at the punchline June 6th shit pops back its back its in a different location how is it it's great it's it's more intimate yes and then I'll be in Tampa at side-splitter is on June 13th to the 15th and then I will be in Buffalo New York at Helium Comedy Club and June 27th through the 29th go to fits dog.com for tickets the podcast is fits dog radio and then childish is my other podcast with Alison Rosen how fucking professionals he it's like you doing for a living oh wait all right bye everybody

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