#1348 - Bill Burr

Sep 9, 2019

Bill Burr is a standup comedian and also hosts his own podcast called “The Monday Morning Podcast”. His new special "Paper Tiger" is now streaming on Netflix.

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URL that's athletic greens.com / Rogan go get you some my guest today is one of the best stand-up comedians to ever live is a good friend of mine he's a fucking great guy and he has an amazing new Netflix special that's available tonight it's called paper tiger and he is the Great and Powerful Bill Burr

The Joe Rogan Experience trained by day Joe Rogan podcast by night he built a paper tiger coming out tonight on Netflix so exciting are you pumped yes I am I'm very excited I think more just to see you know just two people see how good it looks was Mike binder directed it and you know I just I don't know I just had this idea for how a special I wanted it to look and none of it really had to do with other like necessarily comedy specials more like rock concerts that I saw and I say that's all like super jumpy and stuff but just sort of like I don't know that's weird how the way they shot shit back in the day where they held shots longer so it's sucked you in so you kind of felt not necessary that you were there but the presence of being there and I really have a disbelief that if you fucking go edit really quick quick quick quick quick it's like flipping through the channels and each time like your brain resets yeah and like when you go to a show you're just sitting there looking at the band A looking at the comedian

Dad it's not like I'm here and I'm in the balcony now I'm behind you now I'm up here and all that so we try to make sure like the pacing of it I explained it to him he was just like I get it he's a comic so yeah that certainly helps yeah so the way he did it I hope that people see that as opposed to the shit that they normally do like well how can I get offended well the definitely get offended it's a it's a sport now to get offended by comedy seems like people get excited to be offended I know a lot of the questions I've gotten out from people non comedians that have been about the you know well what's in the light of Dave specials this like once you guys all matted Sebastian like a week ago now it's Dave with a mad at him for are the and the VH1 thing no they weren't one person got mad and wrote something and then everybody oh yeah oh yeah I didn't realize I didn't like that I don't like that what was it I didn't hear a peep out of that did you hear what we want to start it back up for me to try to get them

get them all going again it was just like the white did that anyway I was like those things are never fun you're you're basically you know you're the host of what's a commercial for a bunch of bands it's just he's a great comic he sells out Madison Square Garden he doesn't and he did a great job too yeah he did a great job somebody was talking about four times in two nights yeah which is crazy he turned over Madison Square Garden like a comedy club yeah like he's doing an improv like he's still the fucking a gracious Friday's to show Saturday come down that image Gregor said oh yeah Madison Square Garden the round there was no other way 18,000 people yeah 18 times while say he could have done giant Stadium he could have he really could have but it's like smoke why why bother why bother doing a VH1 Music Awards it's just it's not a good venue for comedy it's not a good like people see him it's not you know why because

did it Chris did it I'm going to talk too much to keep this fucking thing going and it's like a let's a legendary old-school stand-up gig you know you think it's one music awards that was MTV was It MTV music awards they're all the same to me

this VH1 have their own music awards they don't give me I'm fun out of it so old I don't know what I'm talking about just making but CDs selling CDs after the show I know I still remember that MTV was cooler than VH1 does your via Jaguar have a CD player

no didn't like my car doesn't have one either all right my Tesla doesn't know if I was trying to do the math is he suddenly insulting me no you got a cassette tape in there just saying I don't have them anymore I've got a VCR in the trunk somewhere along the line they just stopped making them well that's the thing you know and I was in New York all summer and all those all those the up-and-coming rappers like trying to hand you a CD it's like I what am I going to do with that they still have CDs well then they do something then they say oh just click on this a scan this and it goes to like a Vimeo page and then I'm like is this guy in my phone now like what just happened is he all my contact yeah so I just kind of steer clear to them I get weirded out by those little Q stand things that what they call them was a cute Q what was it QR code QR code I get weirded out by those things because your camera goes on it and then boom it opens up a website and like what is happening here I'll tell you what's a weird one is a of home security systems now

where I was reading an ad for this on my podcast and I was thinking like afterwards like like a lot of times home I guess I don't know alarm goes off because you window blows open and everybody fucking shows up and it's like oh sorry the window blew open this actually has video cameras so they can confirm that somebody is in your house but then I'm thinking like well what's to stop them from just turn that on and start watching your life like a show nothing okay they're fighting again we'll for sure if there's a stream it's possible for someone to do that

for sure if there's a stream not only the contract it says we would never do that okay oh it's only some people don't be the doorbell camera from ring has partnered with 400 police forces extending surveillance concerns yeah

yeah yeah I made as long as you're just using it to catch the bad guys which is going to be what they're saying but there's got to be somebody somebody has their dick in their hand right now looking at that don't do that doorbell it's and then the way people get obsessed like and then you jerking off just to the woman walking up to the door to go into her house and it's not enough that I can see what's up I gotta see what's behind the door calls up hey would you be interested in furthering your security now I think the doorbells enough interesting you say that we just had a case the other day where unfortunately she thought it was enough and it wasn't really and then sells them that I was watching are eating cornflakes it's a slow creep into your life how much time before it's everywhere before everyone can see everyone everywhere

yeah I don't know but what's weird is younger people that have a much different idea of privacy yeah because they should have kind of been out there I would not want to be young right now they have a real tough time where do when I was younger when I got my ass kicked it was over it wasn't video documentation for the rest of my life this is the kid from Rocky Point he's all grown up now you're trying to get laid in a bar like 20 years later you like yes that happened I was always ate sorry I was just thinking about I watch this kid tried to throw a triangle up in a street fight in the guy slammed him on his head and punched him unconscious and kept punching him while he was out and the kid just climbed off of them and walk towards his friends and everybody's like oh this guy's lying on the ground Pawn up with his arms like probably experiencing severe brain damage and I'm thinking what if that was my son you know what does your son you want some guy slam I'm on his head and then as he's unconscious punch them five six seven times in the face

yeah that's fucked it's fucked that's why I stopped fighting that's why you don't wanna hurt anybody no no I didn't want to be that guy I was like baby fat tough until like fucking sixth grade and then I sort of leaned out and I was like I better get funny and then that's when people started to learn how to fight and there was blood and shit and I remember there was this dude I think I talked all the stuff I got up the kid got off the bus he was fucking Jack the other kid was kind of Baby Huey big guy but the other kid got off the bus first he just jumped him and then just sat on his chest and it was it was like oh those fucking fights the kid didn't come to school for a week they came back to my time he came back to school most of the swelling comes down but I almost look like a he was a cousin it wasn't him yeah and I was just like yeah I'm not I don't want that to happen to me so that's one of the darkest things I've ever heard anybody say about a fight could be the number going off said about Conor McGregor he goes I want to change his face

yeah see there's people out there like that that are like yeah there's still this that okay I should stop now is missing and you don't want to be underneath all of that they just kept getting worse the older I got that sound of somebody's head hitting the floor the worst as WorldstarHipHop videos where will the worst one I ever saw was this guy was drunk and he was talking shit and one guy knocked him out and then when he's out cold lying down everybody took shots at him I mean everybody in the street people were kicking him in the head and we're running up to him and kicking him like a soccer ball punched him in the face I mean like 10 15 people doing it just running up to him boom kicking him running up punching them yeah horrific

how do we get on this I don't know I got a great special code yeah you're coming special has nothing to do with brain damage or random acts of violence why did you decide to do in England because it was Appling fan and it really it was about doing it at that it why didn't I just wanted to perform at that venue Royal Albert Hall yeah so then I perform there

and had a great time all those in my head for a long time like during the show I was like I'm standing with Robert Plant was standing and John Bonham's drums were fucking right there and I really had a hard time because while you were doing stand-up yeah how many shows did you do I just did I just did the one I was in June of last year wow you only film one show no no that's the first time I did it so then you know some of my reps came over I was just like wow this place is amazing I mean it was it was incredible and we just started talking just going to take it maybe could shoot a special here I was like yeah I don't know what I was like it's my shit going to work over here would be different Which special I try to make it be a little different a different vibe you know Southern crowd Northern crowd west coast East Coast or whatever so we just kept talking about it and then I talked to binder about it and it all just became about me and him smoking a cigar in London I was like I fuck it let's do it and then the whole way up

I was questioning

going did I fuck up was this fucking stupid I should have just shot it in the states and then I'd be like no no no I was a good idea it's good idea wait a minute but what I want to put if I don't fucking and just you know which probably ended up being a good thing for it but you know I did a run a dates leading up to it before I shot over there and I kind of knew what was going to work and I knew what wasn't going to work and then you know people who are shown up there listening to your podcast so they get like the references and stuff because I was talking to somebody going on a surprise the you know they got a lot of those references it's like well that's a specific crowd coming to see me if I did all of those jokes in front of just a random London crowd I think of people you know right the fuck's this guy talking about where'd you do gigs before you did London when you did a run a gigs did you do man England or did you do it yeah I did Liverpool Manchester Glasgow I can't remember and then I did one other one being with Abby I forget you know

it's just literally Bam Bam Bam and I got sick when I was in Liverpool I don't know what happened they ate something before I got there or whatever and I had like the stomach virus I had at the night too when I was shooting and I was like getting over it and so that was ice like this always and I was thinking is there always something or my just that age that there always is something but I just don't notice until the night there's cameras here you know what I mean when everything's heightened yeah oh my God fucking threw my back out never fucking fail special bubble bodies just like well I throw my back out a couple times a year except I'm just not shooting at night so I don't give a shit and I just joke about it so why don't I just do that when I go to do it so how many shows did you film we did too and it wasn't the same night either so it's kind of weird rather than like Bam Bam so you're warmed up I can't even get going both times so and like most times it was the set that I liked better

it was probably I think the second night so most of its from the second night and then this just a couple just because it went a little too long I just I just want to get in kick the shit out of him and get out leave them wanting more the old-school thing so there was just a couple I think we just took just a couple things just to kind of splice one section out of there and splice the things and then get it going so how many seats

I don't I don't remember I don't think place I don't remember but I do know the night of the special like I did this thing was making fun of the whole support the troops thing and everything and what had happened was it wasn't working and it was killing the whole time like he got to be fucking kidding me finally go to record this shit but Baba and it turned out that some terrorist group had made a bunch of fucking threats or something that day oh yeah and nobody told me oh you know what don't tell him I don't get his fucking head so now I'm thinking like why isn't this working I suddenly not funny

not like it didn't work but it was just this thing hanging in the fucking air had I known that

I would have addressed it and then it would have been fine so we just we just splice that little you know six seven minutes out of there that's a great bit though I love that it is but I'm I recorded at Madison Square Garden for just like a double vinyl I'm going to do oh really yeah I'm into all those old school rock thinks he's like I'll lose my ass I'm gonna lose my shirt on it but it has that bit on it didn't you do that before look at Radio City or somewhere you did another album the past was it Radio City I did want it at Carnegie Hall kind and then the last time I did Madison Square Garden I didn't explain it to them correctly that I was trying to record to do an album there and they just took the audio from the board so I'm just like super loud and it sounds like I'm front of eight people like a lesson learned all right Sal Arius yeah so I like doing that like nerd out comedy shit like I love all that stuff like I just saw Tarantino for the second time I saw his Once Upon a Time in America and

down to his theater that he bought that Beverly Cinema and they had all this cool merch from the movie like you know buttons and posters and t-shirts and shit I didn't buy anything because I'm trying not to help because then I get sentimental I can't fucking throw it out it's just like hoarding yeah yeah does your wife get mad at you for sure like that what whore did she go why did you bring this home and did you know I'm the one who says that oh I'm the one who goes like okay now what are we throwing out not throwing out because and it ends up in the fucking ocean where you going to bring that where someone can actually use it yes and I like whenever I do whatever whenever I do like comedy festivals or anything and they have that whole merch bag I just say I don't want it yeah good for you yeah yeah I've only got a phone charger faggot yeah that's not going to work in a couple years because I'll have a new phone and then I just have that thing do people send you a lot of shit like no because the podcast you don't get t-shirts or stuff like that

occasionally but I kind of put it out there like I just need you to listen that's enough I don't need you to because then what something what half what such as when people really take time to make something and now it's like I can't leave this behind and it's always big and awkward and I kind of fuck am I gonna get that my back so then you show up at the airport with some big stupid thing with your face on it like the fuck is with this guy that's always weird when someone's where's our own shirt

when a comic transition or something I gotta I had a guy who I really like zubi he was here the other day rapper from England his own shirt and his own hat on if he wasn't such a great guy would have given you a hard time

I just you have quite a few listeners so he's getting a free free advertisement out of it I would imagine I don't know well he's getting advertisement of the whole podcast I would imagine right you don't have to guess maybe everybody's got their own fun way of doing shit so I don't know but I've been having fun I got to tell you I was so envious so you earlier this year because you put out your killer special and just watching you getting to do my favorite thing you know dump the shit I'm sick of and try like the new stuff so that's where I am in my act and I you know I follow you on all the stuff and I was well I think around May or something June you said all right it's ready to go and I was doing an acting gig and I couldn't get the sets that I wanted I was like fuck man that's what I want I got to get I got to get going on this ship because people watching I got a fucking follow you sometimes down the store which is never fun but we're doing gigs together this Thursday we're doing the Improv and the store I'm very excited about that yeah I've been doing a lot

these kids My lightsaber goes up about this far right now where my ACT is my go to turn it on things how old is your act now like the actor working with I have but look I can I can go down I can I can murder with 20 and then the rest of it it gets a little we get a little lost at sea drifting and a piece of plywood you know it's a little while no isn't it yeah it is it with people haven't paid to come see you so what I will do is I'll stay a drift a little bit

and then I'll just do shit from my special but now as of you know today at midnight I feel I won't be able to do it so so now that's gone so they still be able to do the troops bit because it's not in there I won't do it because I did it already and it's coming out on something and I also feel like most places I'm going to go to I already did it in that city right and I have this paranoia that the exact same people show up and never had fans come and sit in the front row two nights in a row and you see him I've had people back-to-back shows and eight and then at 10:30 and then they're sitting there it's just like they're just sitting there the rabbits already in the Hat rabbits are T in the Hat

it's a body double though they know everywhere where it's going it's a titty Bergeron bit he's wearing a wire he's wondering why a Santa Claus isn't real he's wearing a wire light how good was that guy people don't even know he was one of the greatest of all time he really was I saw him when I was an open mic and I almost quit he won't up on an open mic night oh yeah and Bill McDonald was the host does name yeah that's funny those early on guys can make you want to quit oh my God yeah he was so good he was so polished I felt like such a slob now the thing about him shoe was it was effortless and he made it look effortless it was just effortless he just went John Pinette was a guy saw

well I was just like it did make me want to quit but I was just like I was just like what the fuck was that yeah he went up on a Tuesday at Nick's yes and it was like fucking you know there was like maybe 30 people this place held 400 people just like a lull it was like when I started was the 80s hangover and just stand up was dead there was like 30 people as much a you know bitter Comics gone this place used to be packed the be lying around the block you should quit all these fuck that say that so fucking Pinette just dropped by rest his soul he just drop by and he went up and did 12 minutes and got a style legit it wasn't oh you're John Pinette thank you for stopping by you're famous it was he fucking murdered I think that was the first time he was kind of it was that era when he was doing that you go now Buffet bit yes where it just keeps every time you think it got to the height of how funny it could be it went to another level and then another and another the only time I ever saw a guy maybe I got

Regan or something where they just have that they just repeat that thing I was doing a tour with Norton Attell and Jim Breuer and Jim Breuer had a bit never curse that is - it has been his dad shit his pants and the thing he kept going back to other than you go now was the like he was gonna puke dude I remember the first time I saw him do that I was in Atlantic City and I was standing there was a wall behind me and I slow I was laughing so hard I started sliding down the wall I was holding my stomach going for what is that bro is an animal he's the most one of the most underrated comedians of all time the worst I ever ate it coming up ever following Jim Breuer and like 91 at the Boston no no we were at a comedy Loft I think in Nanuet New York and I should not have been headlining I've been doing comedy I was you coming Bobby Kelly about this gigs

those gigs but you shouldn't have been hands on me but you worry I've been doing comedy maybe three years four years maybe maybe four I just wasn't ready no way but my manager was good and he got me a gig as a headliner just decent model and Brewer was meddling mmm we're fine I was fine until late show Saturday night when I tell you he went up like just like a man possessed and he was to have this bit about coming home drunk and his mother was a demon you know do you remember the bit no but I know his talents so he's already doing him drunk and then that demon voice is gonna do itself has facial expressions and and he just caught it he just caught it where it was like I know I mean he had murdered all week he'd heard it all week but I'd gotten by like I did not have as good as him all week but I got bye it was good good enough not embarrassing Saturday night late show let me on fire Championship round let me on fire while I walked on stage early I'm supposed to 45 minutes

I think I did 35 it was death 35 of of death nervous film like an asshole wedding I'll try another terrible terrible terrible ache shake it took me forever to recover took me weeks weeks I had one one time I just did Vegas whenever I go there

I always go by the the trop right that's what is yeah tropical yeah I got I was contracted to be the headliner and I got bumped down to the middle act I got demoted who's the middle I don't remember but he was great and it was Frank tell Piezo was the was the host and he was like a seasoned headliner the other guy was a season headliner and I just said I don't know what that was some young guy they were given a fucking shot too so I went out there this is like the late 90s and I had my shiny black button down I'm playing Vegas shirt you know and my manager at the time gave me shit about the shirt and you can wear that it is fucking Vegas you wear whatever you want so I walked into the club and it was just where the trop was then it was like an older crowd because they had already done it or whatever so it's just like they're dying off crowd so dude I went up there and I did sort of okay

I just did okay but they both had better sets to me and then that was the Tuesday or the Wednesday and then the Wednesday I came up and by then I started to have another not good set and then I got in my head like like I'm not going to make these people laugh and I remember just seeing like there was just this lady back towards the kitchen and like her old lady you know that hair that looks like it's flammable for me it was just backlit and that's all I could see dude and I just went in and out of like a bombing and so then what was it Thursday morning comes I'm flying my girlfriend out at the time so she could see my big headlining set in Vegas my name's out on this side right and I remember she caught I don't remember her name but she called me up she's just like Bill it so and so from the the Trap how you doing I'm like good good she goes yes so how do you think it's going that's what she said

I was like yeah I think it's got a pretty good crowd little old last night in my bed she goes yeah you know I don't think it's happening and you know I think it'd be better if you just admit it we can still going to pay the same money she was real that was the worst part she was really nice about it and then I had to go down there that night my girlfriend was coming in the next night I had to go down there and

you know I just remember coming in and Frank was looking at me and I thought he was sort of looking at me like how is he going to handle this and I just was just I guess I suck or whatever they just real and then they will do both they were never mean to me they would never mean to me they're both really really cool guys and we had like a great weekend but then my girlfriend came down and was just like I had to explain to her why there was another person going on after me

go better with you as a middle or we are yeah you know you know what it was yeah it went better and then by the end of the weekend I figured it out but I was never funnier than the headliner or Frank I just wasn't I just I wasn't seasoned I didn't know how to do it and it was my first weekend in Vegas and is that true I think it was it was my first week in a Vegas because then the next few years I would middle at The Improv and Harris so that was the thing you know it's funny was I was really depressed about it and my girlfriend didn't care she goes no it was still here we go I'll go have a good time or whatever and then I was almost getting like upset with her that she didn't understand where instead of being like oh wow you're really cool that the reason you came out here was cause you just wanted to hang with me I was too young and angry and self-involved oh yeah it's hard when you girls he's you bomb too

fortunately she didn't see that she just saw me

middle middle that's not bad it could have been worse yeah she could have been there while the whole thing went down I guess I don't know one of the worst bombings in my life I was working with J-B smooth whose fucking phenomenal and I was supposed to be the headliner but it was a weird College gig in the middle of nowhere and Jersey and it was hard to get to and there was no GPS back then so you had to follow directions right remember those give you a piece of paper it call you up okay going to take a right here and a left there and then you take the one on one so I can do a bit about the person doing the bad directions where they would go okay and then you're going to see a farmhouse on the right it has a red door and there's cows out front by all right am I going to take a right there no you're going to keep going and they just kept bringing up shit that you were going to say it's just like fire just like just tell me the fucking thing that I'm going to see when I turn is it grassy Hill and there's a there's a scarecrow a tight right now you're going to keep going it's just like all right sorry no worries

is so I miraculously got there on time but JB did not and so they go well we're going to wait for J because he's not here yet so I go okay they go well we have a lounge you can go sit there and watch TV so I watch TV and it's a special new special on the Malibu fires so this is probably like whatever 93 or something like that some gigantic fires nose before 93 is like 91 92 and there was a fireman the fireman was weeping because he had saved his house but his neighbor lost his house and he had saved up all his money to help build this house this is guy you know it was like his life's work to build his house but he was devastated because he was a fireman and his neighbor's lost their houses guys weeping he's weeping about his house and then they had this fucking kid calling out for his dog they couldn't find the dog they lost the dog and they were hoping the dog got away to safety she says kids walking around rusty rusty just walking in

rusty rusty then lady opens up the door JB is not here so we're going to have you go on first Mike oh no so I went on stage thinking of that kid calling for the dog and the firemen crying and I just ate shit I mean I just went I had nothing there was nothing it was you have to do an hour no I wound up doing I want to do I think I'm supposed to 45 minutes I want up doing the 45 minutes and I mean I ate shit I did not I did not get any laughs I don't remember I mean I was depressed I remember thinking I could never do this again I did it one other time to though I could never do this again is fucking terrible to make matters worse JB eventually got there halfway into my said he goes on after me and fucking murders I mean murdered nuke the room flattened it these kids were so tired of me there was so and I was like look I fucked up I watched this depressed and they were so excited to see me because you know they have those College

Prince things where you go like NAFTA or whatever it is and you go is that what it's called what are those things called NACA those are now you just made me forget it

Beyond than a yeah so the something college campuses whatever the fuck it is I never forgot that my life to you just said NAFTA it was after it's all over now never remember it someone screaming it there's a comic out there screaming it into their their communica NACA that's right so I did NACA and murdered I mean murdered they told me look you can do it sling interest forms I remember that oh strong interest strong interest forms of those shut sets they said look I remember having a conversation my agent she said look I know you're you're not clean but if you're clean you can get a lot of gigs you can get a lot of games I was so big I made this just in people are eating shit they were eating shit at the conference because all these Comics were like nervous and I said you know I'm doing my club set I don't give a fuck I'm not I'm not a clean comic I can't do this ever done this before I tried and I went up and I did all sex material and fucking murder so these kids were so excited to see me

and I got there and just ate shit oh no they did and they were getting pumped way to this guy oh wow he's gonna be huge someday oh my God I hate shit so hard I'm just picturing you doing all your sex material depressed

bobbing just gone balmy you ever not just bombing but like banging a girl doggystyle something will you old but it's this is how you do it not this scoliosis thing that bit I know that bit and that bit weird fucking murderer not that night I remember that then every chick in the room one of the fuck you and then I would go on stage with my orange afro hey thanks to the same anybody hi yeah yeah that I ate shit and one other time I ate shit real bad I was headlining as well this side isn't this one is not nearly as bad as the other two each it's the Jim Breuer one was devastating but in all fairness it was good for me because it changed my act it made me realize like you got to respect people's fucking attention span you can't go up there thinking about yourself and try and you got to respect these people paid money work hard but you got to be ready and you can't fucking take headliner gigs when you're not ready to headline yeah I remember I did the same

in place a year and a half later and fucking murdered and I was so happy I was so the guy said wow you fucking got better I'm like thank you thank you sing almost went out to the other time where I ate shit I act I read a conspiracy theory book about JFK that I've fucking love this what's called best evidence by David lifton this buddy of mine who's in a band Behold a pale horse that's grating before you go up we kind of came here to forget her problems well I uh I read this and I was like oh my God the shot JFK it's a fucking the government he was in the casket was empty the fucking they did they change the autopsy at all this shit in my head and I was you know 25 so I was by some guy who wasn't there well was written by a very credible guy who was actually paid he was at count and he was they hired he was so inside they let him look in the casket they said listen I'm just going to show this to you nobody in here

we did it the hired mouth shut to go over the Warren Commission report but they never expected anybody to read the entire report because it reportedly fucking nine hundred volumes or some shit just an incredible amount of pages but this guy went over it with a fine-tooth comb and he's like this whole thing was horseshit like the whole Warren Commission report was horseshit they concocted all these different things so I went on stage with this this thing in my head like oh my God there's evil people running the government they killed Kennedy and I'm the guy who's gonna save everybody so I shit on Thursday night and and then I you know they were very there a little uneasy with me because they knew I was I was I already was doing well at clubs like I was a comic they were looking forward to seeing right and then the next night I apologize I said listen I fucked up yesterday I read this conspiracy theory book it'll never happen again and I went up and killed the next night but I knew I knew I'd fucked up I knew it was a mistake it was just they just read the Declaration of Independence that

right before he went off I was just listening to a CD seek only yeah yeah it's funny I listen to them on the way over here they'll never get all because I got the new Tool album and it's fucking unbelievable and but I always end up just I can't get out of that fucking orbit I just ended up going back well it's good shit man such good went out when I need a really pick me up I listened the whole lotta Rosie yeah that'll get you guys how fucking good is Dean Del Ray's voice how fucking good is his voice when he was singing that oh yeah fuck that you should have heard it you should have heard it hit I'm in the money in the Forum dude his voice is fucking phenomenal yeah wasn't it Whole Lotta Rosie to do with singing yeah he sang a whole bunch of shit he sang on his fucking voice is incredible

isn't he going through some weird back shit right now does he have some bulging disc issues yeah I think it's left over from March man fuck these matches from the that's how easy like accidents you should just do heroin fuck these cigars okay Joe the from his motorcycle accident

wow that's a serious flame you got goin there buddy whoo my home too

yeah something like that it's kind of his story so I'm not really sure I know I was joking with him I go you realize yes I'm bulging discs thing left from his motorcycle accident oh so you realize half of that is the motorcycle and the other half is you being a front man of a fucking rock band banging your head for fucking two and a half decades he laughs he's like yeah I worked with them this weekend out in Vegas he fucking killed but I noticed him trying to sit up a kind of be a little straight but he's definitely getting through it and we hung out an extra day and we saw Elton John because he's on the farewell toast fucking unreal was a good three hours no opener starts with a hit plays no it was like closing bits for three hours and then watching how he moves he stays pretty much the piano but watching how he moves it's just and they show like the old highlights where he was like in these fucking platform shoes just slamming the piano and pushing himself up like you know almost bending over backwards coming down he do like three four times in a fucking row look at him there

yeah well there you go yeah and like when he walked like you just I just respected the shit out of him when I saw him walking looking like an NFL running back going this fucking guy no he T realize people paid money Oh you mean looking like a current NFL running back no no no I mean like walking like like when you see those guys not the guy was getting elected into the Hall of Fame the guys who've been in the Hall of Fame for 10 years when they come walking up the hug the other guy in all this shit kind of settle them yeah but like who's piano rotates and everything smoke fire oh yeah look at the bags are just jamming on that things like I actually missed that part I was at the Steak and Shake or something speaking of tool and rock related injuries you know Maynard when he's on stage he Stomps his foot on the ground like Stomps like you know he's always like stopped when he sings well he's a jujitsu guy and he was having a hard time like working on certain movies like my fucking hip it's like something wrong with my hip

you want to have any get a hip replacement from stomping on the ground he stopped a hip out do you know how Cogan Woody back when we do the Opie and Anthony show he came and I was like I thought this guy was like 67 yeah and his but he was like 64 in his arms hung down to his knees though yeah and he ended up saying that because of that finishing movie they were he would leap up in the air and just land on his ass night after night after night week after week he lost three inches in height he always likes ya got so compacted yeah all your discs deteriorate from from wrestling like almost every wrestler I know including me I have a bunch of disks were all fucked up but they're they're okay enough where I can get by and I use machines like it was a machine called a reverse hyper or it's sort of decompresses your spine to do all the spinal decompression shit I actually and I get regen Akeem once a year which is like this it's like an advanced form of platelet-rich plasma actually

today I've got like little Band-Aids I'm going to fucking outlive all of us listen I'm fucking I've got the cash to pay for this shit I fucking take everything I want what do you got what do you got that works your body's like a restomod you look at him and he's 50 51 but underneath it's 2019 he's got a little iPod jacket is fucking chest a restomod people don't even know what we're talking about we take an old car like my Corvette that's well son out there but my Corvette that's what it is it's like a 1965 on the outside but the inside is all mm it's all the suspension is all brand-new modern chassis I like if the underneath I don't like the interior also to look right like me to yeah it's all last to look like like speaking of that that's another reason why I had to go see the that Tarantino movie twice the fact that was fucking amazing was I was so busy looking at all the cars it has one of my favorite cars

I'll fucking time I'm not a speed guy I like cruising and there's a 67 Cadillac Eldorado in the color that I want in thats one of the meanest looking fucking cars what color is it in the movie I don't like this I don't know what the yellow is something Dean asked me that he's like what's the factory color you nobody knows it you know he knows all of that but he knows it right it's like a it's like to hear it is no no that that's that's that's real hard that's hard doesn't he have a soft top in that know

no you know what I'm thinking of I'm not waking up - Sharon Sharon Tate's friends just look up Cadillac Eldorado because they're just going to have you had the car Brad Pitt was driving

Julian this is Leonardo DiCaprio's best work oh he's amazing and fuck you gotta see it again he's a man I'm actually going to see it for a third time to catch all this shit and I don't want to ruin it for anybody see anybody want I'm not gonna say anything but so Leonardo DiCaprio has a different one than Brad Pitt does while Brad Pitt's character is driving Leo's Caro is the yellow one that is in that nature what he's won no no but the the Eldorado check think is a 67 is it want to Sharon Tate's friends pulls up to her house in it okay okay yeah different scene yeah those old Cadillacs are fucking phenomenal good luck get one of those Into The Comedy Store parking lot though

no room for anything else I would like to do yeah just have the underneath everything be brand-new underneath and then just yeah just driving the fucking right lane smoked a cigar you can get it done I know I can't but I that's a slippery slope oh I'm already down I know you are hey you want a warehouse that's the slippery slope so I have my old truck and like I like going fast if I was like at a track like Dean went out and drove a bunch of fast cars out in Vegas and he was just like ET posted until he goes with showing how fucking cool was and it's like the next time that time I went out there I took my lovely wife with me so we were doing you know couple shit I was going to be like hey thanks for coming to Vegas I'm gonna go drive some fast cars they have a CVS that's all lit up the Vegas-style you should check that out how do you know like where the fuck would that get me but uh

that was a good trip for us to by the way a good family Vegas trip yeah it's a good thing to do as a married person to just sort of like my mother-in-law watched our kid and we came out there and it's hilarious that's nice look - yeah and we about what we immediately go right back to like the way it made my wife have like ridiculous chemistry laughing like just totally on the same wavelength and it just fucking resets and I'm learning now like he got a just with the day-to-day and deal and you know my job is due date nights to do a lot of late nights yeah probably not enough it's like everything do you work out yeah not enough to eat well yeah not enough and then your relationship becomes like the same way and I've finally gotten out of my stupid fucking you know die on every Hill fucking argue everything you know I'm getting out of that and I'm starting to understand you know how to how to do it the you're not in competition with your wife that's what you got to understand yeah

yeah but then there's also that she's also human so everything she says isn't right so you just have to pick yeah you gotta pick because I'm not gonna be that guy we're surely happy wife happy life all those guys are done I watch whatever TV she wants to watch I'm envious of them are you those cuz they have the smoothest fucking life never lose their house that just like this they like a fucking you know his big doorman buildings where I got a package for you mr. Robert like you become mad in the relationship you should just say we're like the bell captain something like that yes those life for doorman yeah they're like in a union neutered yeah I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a doorman for everybody in a fucking uniform gives me shit yeah they like you become like that in the thing but no we came back and last night you know

I went to bed my wife was like glowing she was like I had the best time and we barely did anything we just fucking hung out laughing you know I mean I'm not hate that a lot more once you have kids because you realize like this is a rare moment this is hard to do it's hard to get away

yeah I mean yeah it's hard to connect while someone's going iyy a popsicle I want a red popsicles yeah well with my kids are older so they fight with each other that's mine now let me you can even use it it's mine yeah now you can't get my and everything is just you know they're separated by two years to so the little one is fierce because she always feels like she's getting the short end of the stick from the older one right so she fucking she stands her ground she draws a Line in the Sand and you know she's ready to throw down it's awesome she does know how to apply yep that's going to serve her well knowledge she's not taking any shit I'll tell you that but she's a super sweetheart my daughter's at that age you know where you still choke bit my act that like I always loved toddlers because they're like these little drunk people like they have no social graces he like literally in a middle of a conversation they come

you start talking real loud you can't understand them yeah that's that's kind of where we're at but you know I didn't like the best way ever that is one of the one of the advantages of being an older dad is everybody who fucked up being a dad you know that look on their face like that it goes by so fast man I'm telling you it's cherish every fucking they sit there like the Ghost of Christmas Past yeah scaring the shit out of you in a good way I guess the cool thing when they get older as you do stuff with him he take him places and like go on vacations together and hang out with them all day long 24 hours a day multiple days in a row like we every summer we go to somewhere in Europe or somewhere went to Thailand last year Thailand any limited to I'm too intimidated to go there Thailand yeah it's amazing these people are so nice they are so nice it's hot it's fucking weird bugs in my little one got lit up by bugs man like she had a allergic reaction to something that bitter and her whole hand was swollen it was a real freak out moment

fuck we're in Thailand and sometimes medically going wrong here wow but it's also weird to it's like their culture is very odd coming that had a happy ending yeah it is say yeah we just we're at a resort lock me up to the Apex of emotion yeah so toothpaste the other day no we got some medicine and they applied a topical medicine to it and actually went down within you know by the next day it was okay but it was an issue yeah there's re-sketch well Thailand's hot you know it's muggy and rode elephants would do the whole day hanging out in the jungle was wild let's sounds that the oh yeah yeah I remember seeing that on your Instagram yeah elephants are cool man they're weird it's a weird little relationship you have with these animals they're so gentle like as long as they know that you are a kind person and you're taking care of them he walked because like the people that run this at they run an elephant rescue thing it's really kind of know about that show that I'm kind person no it's what an elephant

it's just like you know what I don't really feel like yanking these logs up and down this fucking Hill I don't understand why I'm doing this ship this guy seems pretty cool no not like that you don't do anything with them other than feed them and you get to ride them but like and people are a little bummed out about riding them and I'm like I don't really recommend riding them like my family wanted to ride them and you know a lot of these people ride but the whole thing is a rescue thing they take these animals that are in circuses and all these different sort of mistreated animals and they take care of them and they let them live in a wild environment they roam free they just feed them so that elephant stay by but they all they go off on their own to and then they come back but they have these big piles of sugar cane and so they're eating the sugar cane they're eating they'll just stop while you while you're walking with them and they just rip a fucking tree out of its roots and start eating it you realize how goddamn strongly aren't they are fucking preposterously strong I wish I wish that we viewed them more as like roommates yeah then like ours so we did

the planet up a little smarter yeah I guess I shut my phone up I could show him I found this picture on Instagram of this tiger and the fucking thing is what like its legs but it looks like it's doing dips than just a fucking muscles it doesn't even look real like like like that thing exists on this planet and was just like was just walking around free that you could just bump into the I understand you know like when people first came out here and they eradicated that's along the lines of it I mean look at that fuck how many pull-ups Joe do you need to do to fuck it look like that fuck oh my God look at the fucking muscles you must have seen that one you ever see that one where they will fucking with that tiger and that dude was on the elephant and this thing took off like Jordan in the dunking contest and just and every time you do it reached its apex it kept going up like fucking Zion there on Duke yeah and it barely

raise the guy's arm when it caught him toward Park and yeah the guy like he had nerve damage in his fucking arm didn't work oh yeah for sure yeah I mean there's a great video recent video like two weeks ago of these guys on a motorcycle and India and they're right on the most of the tiger's chasing them and tiger almost get some it's full clip chasing I actually looked how fast they can run and I'm surprised because I got was on like a scooter or something they can go at 40 miles an hour I think what fucked him up was the surface that he started running on right if he was more in his element they get like a dog in a kitchen gets a little fucking whoa I think the tiger did that there's a slide yeah for a little bit yeah on the concrete right yeah maybe just the sound of the engine was just like that doesn't sound tasty well it's one of the rare rare places on Earth where tigers hunt people

there's a history of them hunting people they Hunter they come upon I'm not gonna lie down they hunt them there's an area called the sunderbans and the sooner bands Tigers over the last 200 years of killed more than 300,000 people there

they actively you know people believe it or not it's a quick death oh yeah I already know what I would ever do if I ever came in contact with the tiger just do those that's exactly what I would give them the neck and make some defensive moves like our offensive moves just to get and go right towards it it's just like the you know UFC guys you're all like I would rather get fucking choked out the knocked out it's the same thing you just go to sleep yeah you just sleep I mean it probably hurts for a second and then it's over hurts for a second then as you start to go I think the last thing that's as bad as the smell of the tiger all the breath the breath big day me rotten meat breath oh just affect you know they don't really bathe to I swim don't they - well occasionally delicate swim fast this is how fast I can smell amazing did you see those two poor women who they were going to take a fucking hike through the rainforest and decided to go there

selves

now gone what happened they found their clothes where was this which rainforest II don't know so that was right in your at right up your fucking alley isn't too I was surprised it wasn't on your Instagram like that's some shit that's like that's a rogue and shit right there it's a bummer man people get confused and they don't understand you're removing thing and you don't move quick and they're they're all about eating moving things if you're moving they're trying to eat you if you if you're by yourself to going to eat well it's amazing that wherever we started on this planet that our brain was able to cover for the fact of how fucking slow we are we're slower than squirrels like everything everything is lightning fast out there except sloths sloths I know but they like and that but that's their job to get eaten yeah they're like yeah like jalapeno poppers for fucking

bullshit that you just order you want to get said fuck it let's get that yeah this is what you go after the real thing you're trying to eat one of my favorite videos is watching Harpy eagles kill sloths is Swoop in and snatch them like the largest Eagles in South America she did a zipline tour in Costa Rica yeah and the guy knew how to make the noise of the this Des fucking little ridiculous wingspan bird that doesn't really exist in that area anymore but they're just in their DNA for them to freak out because it's three-toed sloth and he imitated it and the fucking thing just just kind of looked around a little bit and the laughing it's like dude you just gave that thing a mini fucking heart attack we did a zip line that was one mile you get on it you you zip across 41 my as I'm sliding on this thing with my family by the way I'm thinking was last time I checked this who's checking this was a great thoughts the fucking ladder was rusted and then lat ratchet bolted so they had like straps with a ratcheted where the latter had rusted and then they just grabbed

the strap and like clamp down on it and tied to the fucking tree we're climbing up this and it's like a little watch out there that Parts rusted through like what that's rusted through and then you get to the top and they latch you up to this thing and I'm telling you you're above the rainforest and it just yeah and you go for like fucking 10 minutes just people don't understand how high those we were just in the bullshit we were just in the davari tippity top of even Costa Rica so we weren't liking the shit and I just remember like the thing where we were doing you know the little guest platform that you went up to was so fucking high off the ground and it was a third up the tree yeah like when we were looking up at the three-toed sloth that was over there it was like another for 500 feet it seemed up it was ridiculous fucking ridiculous

yeah nature man nature man there's a fucking great story recently of a guy he's a musician and he was recording Sounds of Nature and he fell asleep in a bear ate them so it's recording of him getting eaten while he's recording sounds Venture Bears seem like it's a long death oh yeah they just eat you they just hold you down like a salmon and start chewing chunks and oh oh yeah they do yeah that because they're omnivores omnivores of the worst thing to get killed by you better off getting killed by a predator because Predators generally just want to kill you and kill you as quick as they can but Bears first of all there are no Predators other than other bears and humans with rifles and if there is a place where there's no humans with rifles to the top of the food chain so they just put a paw down on you so they hold you in place and start chewing chunks of you just eating chunks of you off

the video of the grizzly my special tonight at midnight on Netflix do you know my brother called me up one time I called him after he'd watch some video and it was one of those Komodo dragons and it somehow grabbed like a deer looking thing whatever the fuck is it it's world that's like that and it I'm sorry people but it's snapped it's fucking leg and he said the thing was laying there and it couldn't move and it would just started eating the things guts and the deers sound of us don't shut that fucking thing off I don't watch any of that I don't want the execution videos I don't want that on my hard drive I'm gonna bomb tonight watching that how do you find it that quick Jesus Christ This Guy's good he's got them saved

yeah there's a great one of a Komodo Dragon eating a monkey and its got like it look it might be a baboon it's a baboons are no joke I never knew when they fucking Ian you like oh shit that's like a tiger monkey like a dog monkey that's what it's like I got to those fags yeah well phrase a wolf a wolf monkey yeah they eat kids so he's got a new band name that wolf monkey like monkey it's good or bad there's a great video of this Komodo dragon is got this monkeys feet and tail hanging out of his mouth he's doing just slowly choking this thing down eating this entire monkey hole and the tail and a little little feet are poking out is like on Chronicle see if you find that showed the bill no I don't want to I don't I honestly don't want to watch later on that one so I don't I don't want you can you do that while I talk about my new special coming up paper tiger speaking of animals why'd you come to the white paper tiger

because I just think we're in a hilarious time because you already took strange time I have to stop saying like I like the amount of times I had to stop saying it's a weird times the stress is the name of Joe special because it just is like what we're focusing on

like oh my God can you fucking believe his wild this real like half the shit that's going on if it's true is like you could make a Will Smith or Tom Cruise movie on those end of the world movies where they accept you know it's not going to have a happy ending and it's just like it just kind of strikes me I don't know

it was all so I just I wanted people to watch it and have fun like I'm not trying to fucking hurt anybody it's not malicious but I'm doing my job I'm talking about what's in the news and I'm fucking around and it sparked that and then the other part is just me talking about my flaws my temper and trying to work that shit out that's all this fucking thing is and for some reason not just saying stand up just a lot of shit that is not as far as like if you had priorities you know like if your house just burned down you're not being like God we have to get a new toaster you know it's like no we need shelter like that's the number one thing but there's all this shit that's like you know line of importance like line 42 is getting gassed up to likes number 7 and number eight or something like that and I already know people going to be like you know typical white male because you can't like all of that shit you know that this is something funny about how overtly

I don't know I guess reversed like it's like you're doing the same fucking thing and you don't even realize you're doing it as you're saying like a lot some groups of people not all of them like I've been joking have like a lot of feminists are like smart but it's not the ones that are on TV it's like sports fans a lot of sports fans are really smart but not the ones that call in Sports Talk Radio that's perfect you know what I mean yeah it's like when we when we would do the Opie and Anthony show okay like Howard Stern like when he would do back in the day when he would do live remotes I love Howard Stern I love Opie and Anthony but like if I was a fan of this show I don't have time and I'm not going to some fucking mall

in the middle of the day blowing off work or whatever the because I'm trying to get my own shit go the people that show up you love them because the diehards but they're out of their fucking minds so it just has to do with that I'm kind of

it doesn't necessarily have to do with me but it does it's one of those things and it's also another way of saying that I'm full of shit and you know paper tiger yeah exactly exactly so they'll be Anthony days remember when we used to have stadium seating like small stadium seating in the studio and guys would come in and they would let fans come in the studio yeah and sit and watch the show those are the good old days yep I see it I every time I go to New York I dislike it's like a void somebody said it's perfectly like you know Phantom limb you know yeah that's what it feels like and it get exome in New York and I'm gonna doesn't exist that was the last show that I used to get up early for

Boeing and when they were together before Anthony got kicked out and Yeah Opie and Jimmy and Anthony were all together it was amazing that was like seeing a band with all the original members on the first fucking couple of albums tour before David Lee goes solo and then you know well they were the first guys to different thing poured it over to XM to right they were the first or I think they were they before Howard or around the same time but they were they would have persistent I think my name is today were on that was one of those XM and then serious before the coward was on series they were on XM and then they merged yeah but they were the first show the first radio show that let you just fuck around like Howard is amazing right greatest radio personality of all time by far but Howard controlled the show he had you on he had the board in front of him he controlled the board he asked questions he had an agenda and you know he was trying to make the

as entertaining as possible and they got ready yeah oh and a you just fuck it come on in guys come on in Patrice come on a bill Ari shaffir have a seat and everybody you'd be in the room breakage your face ten fucking people in the room Norton Norton would be doing fucking creepy characters I mean it was the it was it was the birth Japanese Jimmy was my favorite one I was you didn't do it enough that's like a deep cut Jim not jive talk Jimmy was one of my favorite ones yeah it was so silly which is my favorite thing ever highly intelligent people being silly yeah it's one of my favorite things ever and I Jim was the Patrice was sort of the king of that oh yeah super super super Next Level smart and just silly really silly either when Howard went from terrestrial radio to serious it was like he died because I didn't have until I got serious in my car that's like my favorite thing about Mike

because I listen to them every fucking morning if I you know I gotta get him up and it's like the old days like when I first came to New York and I get to listen to it David Bertha podcast whether they realize it or not they were the birth of podcast because Ona was like a podcast like this podcast like we didn't even talk about what we're going to talk about right now no fucking discussion whatsoever obviously you and I don't have to do that but we wouldn't anyway we just come in here and shoot the shit that's all they ever did come on in and shoot the shit what the fuck's going on you know Anthony you have a gun on them look fucking shit that's a fucking gun everywhere this day I got my favorite deepcut Anthony character was the guy with giantism

did you ever um do that guy no no I can't do it you know the giantism and they get that voice you know bought a time I was an egg by was nine feet tall I can't do it he would do this fucking thing I know he's going there dragging ass and then like something like that would happen and then it just felt like 2:00 in the afternoon somehow and you look at your watch it was like fucking 702 in the morning do you remember when Anthony did live from the compound he did a he built a studio in his basement that's when I was like on this is not going to last this guy's literally building hey it's just like it's like we're in business selling ice cream and I'm building my own ice cream parlor at home no no jump I'm in this business with you I knew like like this we're gonna fall apart you know what's funny is what did that show in is also what made it great yeah like you know they used to play the oh shit they used to play the sorry about that these don't play the the Clint Eastwood yeah thing I always thought the theme to that show should have been the wheel

on the bus go round and round because it was just like anything was you were on the bus but you were outside it you are hanging it was you almost like I always felt like when I went in there that Raiders of the Lost Ark you know when Harrison Ford's on the hood and you're grabbing onto the hood ultimate try not to go underneath it and some days you hung on and then other days yeah except it didn't have the happy ending didn't have the whip to hang on to it you just fucking remember the day we were there and Pat from Moonachie threw up in you kid had elfies down that was your idea yeah and then that dude fan Nathaniel came he was the one that coined it the baby I got credit for some reason I think Dan's voice sounded like me he came he came out I've been saying it's you know your idea was your idea you were like the only thing they could top this

for those who didn't see it this such a brilliant idea it was the eggnog drinking contest and you had to do a double shot like it was bourbon but it was eggnog like every 30 seconds well Panna returning Champion who's Pat from Moonachie who had diabetes and lost a toe to it already it was just sitting there and then he continued to drink it oh yeah to do the bit that you came up with I need to have to be like a you know when like a broadcaster can get into the Sports Hall of Fame just because you know he never played the game but he like you know because of what he added to it I always thought that Pat manaaki should have been like they should have been like like like a chick Hearn Johnny most sort of award that he fucking content with with his his health continued to drink I remember when people posted that video everyone was saying fake this isn't real not made me enjoy

realize like no that was real and I was there it was plastic bags all over the ground remember they put plastic everywhere all over the ground because they knew the people going to throw up they had the garbage can ready and then Pat Duffy leans his head over the edge of the garbage can and then Pat from Moonachie just here comes you see him and then it keeps coming it keeps coming it's like way crazier it was like a environment you just went streaking it just fucking came out and then somebody kept shutting it off and every time I mean it was like a it look is there is no I can't I can't watch it watch this you know what I still can't tell the story if I tell in detail I start gagging I'll see Fear Factor killed all that in me I never I'll tell the one that makes me gag I start to gag is when there was the dude fucking watch it was true it was tremendous do you say I'll say it real quick okay guys you tear it up

there was a dude who got knocked out so then what he did was he started he puked into a pitcher

he puked into a pitcher and then he was drinking his own puke trying to make the other people puked so then somebody dared this guy who had to take a swig from it and he had like this hipster Viking level beard and he can't do it you can trouble I can't do it because like fucking ten years later he took this Viking level Swig he just so he gave himself like a kind of like a facial with it and then he puked into the picture I think and remember was in his beard there's a point in that podcast and in that pocket and that show her I almost puke yeah doesn't crazy thing about seeing everybody like people Bill's gonna go bills and I was like hanging on to the fucking table

yeah we didn't realize that the time those are some of the greatest moments of our life

you got to figure forgive yourself that because you were in the moment oh yeah I was feeling like Melancholy when I was in Vegas and I had you know I had this room sit in my room smoking a cigar with Bobby Kelly Rick Thalia you know from Boston scene right and we were sitting and I was looking down at the strip before they came over and I was thinking about the first time I came out there was right before they imploded the Sands of the dunes or something they were starting to implode those old ones and just walking up and down the strip in the real was the new hot one casino and just all the great fucking times that I am crazy fucking stories and all that and then just walking around Vegas being old now and seeing all these young people like and you want to stop them and just be like dude if you could his anyway to take this in to it because you know at my age if I was to continue doing that you just a creep and I really respect

younger people where it's just like this is their time let them have it that's their Club yeah don't be standing in there with you white whiskers and shit fucking ha ha listen trying to listen to that DJ music just get the fuck out of there let them enjoy their Generations drugs and let them have their fucking stories and just yeah yeah there's no way you could impart that on anyone though tell them to soak it up and enjoy it I had moments where I remember thinking when I was young like wow this is a wild moment remember you that night after the the baby bird we you were a Caroline's you are Caroline's and I went down there and you had this debt that fucking grin on your face really that's great radio I was just like and I remember I told that I told the whole fucking story I came home Nia it just started living with me and her friend was there and I was telling the story of what I saw that day and I was laying on the ground

around crying laughing telling and then this guy did this remember the guy who was fucking he would do his shot and when anybody would puke he would stand over in the corner and not face them he was facing the corner so we started calling them Blair Witch have you everybody got their so I'm crying laughing and then gagging as I'm telling the story and then they weren't laughing which made it even funnier to me and then I just remember a friend at one point just was like she was like where do they find these people and then that was that just sent me over the top I was like I don't know just cry laughing but God bless them yeah where did they find these people well that was a thing of like shocked radio shock radio get such a derogatory it's got a such a derogatory connotation you know shock jocks shock radio oh great shock radio when you're a young guy

and you're part of that and you're there in the moment it's one of the greatest moments of your life yeah it's so as my thing is you're not shocked if this thought behind it shock is just like oh what happened fuck those people that's just basic level shit like I remember when I was coming up you know and you would just torn through the Boston scene and then you got on some show it wasn't it wasn't news radio was something else Hardball yeah and you were coming to the Kowloon as the first time was going to see you do a set and all these guys that always D so dirty so dirty blah blah blah blah blah and I watched your set and it's like this guy isn't dirty this like thought behind this like anybody can do like a handjob joke but your joke was like you said ever woman give you a hand job it's like brushing your teeth with your left hand I'm like that's a fucking killer joke it just happens to be about a handjob and some people can't separate that yeah well that was that bad that was back in the day where there

still a bunch of guys that were left over from the days where Steven Wright Made It by being on The Tonight Show and there was this weird feeling to the are you know and they talked about in stand when stand-up stood out France all amita's documentary which is an amazing documentary yeah I love that but those guys before that were just wild they were just Comics they were doing blow they were getting in fights they were chaotic and then Steven Wright got on The Tonight Show and became a fucking Superstar I mean a gigantic National Superstar and everybody else is like hey what the fuck what about me and I came along after that and there was this remnant of that there remember remember Chris Zito yeah Chris DeRose give me advice when I was an open mic ER he's like you can't swear if you swear you never gonna get on TVs tell me all this shit and it's like in his eyes he was doing me a service right is that was in his I'm a good place you came from a good place and his eyes but I was like fuck he's going to make me quit because like this is what I want to do I'm like I know I

I grew up watching Dice Clay and Sam Kinison he goes well you're not Dice Clay I'm like okay it's like well neither with a until they were but it was bad advice from a guy who had made it right he hadn't made it but he was at least he was a professional and I was as far from making it as humanly possible I was an open mic ER I remember I went off stage one night and and he goes Joe fucking Rogan ladies and gentlemen Joe fucking rugged didn't say Fuck enough like in his eyes he was like look I'm just telling you this because I care like you're fucking up your career alright so I had it in my head I was like well I'm not gonna do this then in my head I was like I'm not I don't want to be that guy Jeffrey notice I'm not that guy I'm that wasn't me I wanted I like talking about shit that made my friends laugh when we were all sitting around drinking right that's what was that's why I was in it I was in it to talk about wild shit right and didn't mean that you couldn't be clever and talk about wild shit but I

never fit in anywhere in my life so the idea of me fitting in like on television this almost like too weird from but like in defense of that there was like 9,000 stand-up shows on TV that you could get on and you could become it wasn't just The Tonight Show because the Tonight Show was was the biggest thing yeah but then there was the comedy on the road it was evening at The Improv that's our Comedy Hour half hour comedy was all of this shit and so that's what they were guiding towards and then I had the tail end of that and then when you started in nineteen ninety two ninety two so when I came it was the tail end of that were clean and then it was you know talk about your family so they can build a show around you so you can do a sitcom and I remember thinking like I don't want to do a sitcom I can't say that everybody had this idea in their head that there was only one way to do it the beautiful thing about all that shit imploding is that there's none of that now now comedy is comedy and

when you see kids coming up now you know you go to the see the guys at the store that I like doorman and Open Mic hers and I said guys girls to Ali Makowski take her on the road me all the time and she's 23 you know she's just getting it together now she's in that stage now she's like five years in they just want to do comedy man these kids just want to do comedy well there's people now who has comedies doing so well stand up this people who like

weren't comedians made it as something else and now are thinking about doing stand-up right yeah you guys are lucky we are that we're doing it now that's what I would think I said that's it to my wife when I was in Vegas like you believe I get to do this I love it and I'm gonna hang and fucking as long as I've been doing I still love it I love it as much now as ever maybe more now than ever I mean I don't have to do it I do I do I'll do five six shows a fucking week in town and I love it now that's why you're great because I always felt the guys that that never stopped going to the club it's it look if you continue to tour and you become like a draw you don't have to go to the clubs in LA but you pay a price I feel you pay a price for that because those kids coming up you're getting something from them to as much as they watching you going oh wow you know you're that guy that I saw and and you know now I'm doing a show with you and it's just like kid you're keeping me young

because like just being around them you stay current yes and it's why like why da my rera kills just as hard in 2019 as he did in two thousand 999 89 is because that fucking guy never stopped going to the gym yes and stays in there so I get something out of going to see I get you know something out of watching Dom out of watching you and then out watching some new kid coming up and just being in all of that yeah keeps you like current because if you don't you start getting like a must there's a like a fucking you know that old person died in smell starts to stop waffling on your act yeah if you're only doing it to your crowd too I think there's a problem there to the one of the beautiful things about the stores there's 15 guys on the show that night they're there to see everybody they look at the lineup they go oh shit bilborough shit crystally oh Nicky glazes on the they see all these

great comic Chris D'Elia how do you to Chris D'Elia is like like from the get-go like I could see like you know remind me like I'm a Boston guy we're just like it's like this guy's a legit headliner just trying to kill just trying to kill it's all he's doing well and then his concept of killing I thought was Boston level oh yeah for sure well it's these you know and particularly because he's always at that right there that right there is the last match no but that right there is how I live my life imagine that the hardest fucking way to do something why do you do that

I do a lot of things that way but not when it's ineffective I mean that's one of the reasons why I bow hunt well that's where we're different yeah see I like that like I feel if I was going to go out and go kill something cute and fuzzy if I fucking had a total hypocrite because I am a mediator anyways if I used a bow and arrow I would feel like an accomplishment I watch Ted Nugent kill a bear which I could never do you know when there's all these fucking places to just get a chicken sandwich

do I really need to make a fucking you know a bear double cheeseburger want to try some I bear sausage in the freezer back there would you try it if I gave it to you know really know because I went to the zoo one time and I saw this bear and it was funny because it was sitting half in the water and half out and had its arms that's arms its front legs fucking like it look like it was sitting in a Jacuzzi like a lounge and we pulled up in the bus to look at it he was just the way it looked I kind of locked I met eyes with the thing and I knew it was thinking put like the video you know Sarah I clean the deer in the backyard well it's eating it alive and the deer screaming because you need to know what a bear really is when you see Bears in real life you go oh that's what that thing it's a fucking compared with just punch it in the head to stop hearing this

say that the thing by the neck no it's taking chunks out of it bro Belize and the reason why I think screaming this is because it's biting its back

okay that's enough that's it sounds like me trying to touch my toes every morning

do you know what's hilarious you know my daughter does one which key likes to stretch with me she thinks it's funny and she makes those noises because they think she's supposed to so she goes seek when she goes she goes I want to stretch it out that and then she goes like I have like a foam roller and I'll she'll come walking home and she look at me she will smile and it's funny she sits on it because you don't know how to use it she sits down she just goes oh that's hilarious and my wife laughs at me guys that's he's imitating how old you are my kids are allowed to hit me as hard as they can we I teach them you know they've taken martial arts classes but I teach him and one of the things I do is I have them later advice in that are because my I want my daughter to know how to defend us to Jutsu yeah I'll give you I'll get you a good school near you but I let my kids leg kick me full blast just full blast I show them how to do it where the shin slams I know I let him fucking slamming to me why men do it I mean I've been kicked by a lot

but there's an attrition to that know your facts right your 2019 on the inside I got red the restaurant he's got a restomod legs I let them let them slam their shit fucking hurts man but I'm letting them know like if anybody ever fucks you then someone who fucks you over some kid wants to get into a fight some girls picking on you slam one of these bitches right into her fucking thigh like it hurts me debate over yeah teach him how to like defend themselves it's also important that they understand what it feels like to be in conflict with someone like when I rolled them in martial arts because when they were young like my one daughter was for the other 116 when I first started doing it and it's cool to watch them grapple and do these things I'm like this is what's good is like you know what it's like to struggle with some of this is not an alien thing if you to struggle with a person when I watch my youngest daughter grapple with this boy and triple mat slam onto the ground and get on his knee and then the instructors like good job try again they're doing it again like you know what it's like so the otherwise memory yeah well otherwise it's a Well it's not good for you

yeah your mind doesn't know what happens when someone's trying to do something to you whereas if you've done it it's not alien I mean it's not like you should do it you definitely shouldn't do it to someone if they don't want to do it to you but if someone's if someone senses that you're scared of conflict it's one of the surest signs are going to get fucked with and that was me a lot of money to explain that to me well I mean a lot of my lucky man that I've had both you know I went from being a kid who is terrified of conflict being a martial arts Champion the reason why I became a martial arts Champions I was being picked on all the time right kids are always fucking with me I was like I don't like this I'm like so I'm going to become what I'm terrified of oh I should have done that I was just like well school ends at 3:00 realistically only do this for another 2 hours and 45 minutes I went the other way remember that remember that thing you said to teach you that and they would have the two people you know

Eddie right way you know Mikey bad way we should do that do a little make a kids book have me young me with a fucking orange afro going there's only 2 hours and 45 minutes not knowing that no one to one of us in 45 minutes all the authority is going to be gone they don't then that's the scary thing now about with mixed martial arts going mainstream okay and there's no ref take to get in there but the video title yes that's what is scary and then everybody like like I think with young kids it's like oh I want to be the guy going oh you know that that's who they want to be no one wants to be the ref to jump in and say stop they want to yell out Worldstar Worldstar they want to do that and they all want to have it and then post it up and get it to have some hits like that's like you know I mean I'm not shitting on it because that's what I would be doing if I was young I got a

pull off of Facebook and Instagram and I got to a community strike Community guidelines strike because it was violence against minors but it was a kid who was picking on another kid he wouldn't stop fucking with this kid and then finally the kid just pushed him away and then put up a stance like he's ready to fight in the kid came out or him he kicked them grab them slander on the ground and got him in an arm bar and you know I saw that yeah that was great it was a fucking amazing video in the kid didn't even get hurt but it was a lesson like this is why it's good to learn martial arts yeah this kid was a cunt and he was fucking with this kid and the kid knew how to fight right so I put it up there like look this is this is the benefits of learning martial and then those people who their hearts in the right place is don't post that because that's going to make kids fight other kids there's no that's that's you're not going to like through words and hashtags stop having kids be kids be kids and it's going to happen and yeah yeah it's

I mean Pete the bee the idea that you're going to protect kids from reality by that it's just so it's just so silly you're not going to stop people from doing things to people you got understand what is happening when people do those things and how you can learn how to fight so you can mitigate most of it not all that best part is other kids see you do that and then you become the kiddo don't fuck with that case ankle yeah it'll dislocate your elbow

yeah that's who you want to be yeah I want to be the nice kid who can fight so everybody leaves you alone you know I went through the entire right that should be written somewhere yeah be the nice kid that knows how to fight there's a lot of those kids now there's so many more it's getting in a fight in school today with someone you don't know is a risky proposition there's so many kids and no Jiu-Jitsu so many kids to take more time everything is on another level yeah he's fucking kids coming up playing drums oh yeah just to shit that they can do is it's fucking and bananas really nobody could do this kids doin shit that's beyond

as far as Independence okay what they're doing is beyond what I saw a lot of guys when I would like when I first started buying VHS tapes drum instructional videos now they don't have the seasoned they don't necessarily have the feel and all of that and know how to apply it necessarily in a musical sense with the because that just comes with experience but what they have in their fucking Arsenal for chops is fucking insane because of YouTube you think yeah because you're jamming with the world now right so it becomes 000 I'm going to try that and I'm going to incorporate like you know now the people who do it that most basic level me is I just see what somebody does and I try to learn how to do it and I've only now since doing comedy going like I'm like a joke Thief except I just took that guy's Groove that he just came up with its you're supposed to be inspired by it to turn it into something else or work on something else that you're doing that's like another level that you know

eventually you get to I think as a musician you do as far as me watching them not as a musician but like just seeing what these kids can physically fucking do it's incredible guitar plays the bass players that I saw it when I went viral there was this little girl from like Japan played Good Times bad times like it was nothing and Robert plan is watching it like going it's shit and he's you something she's like she's falling off a log which might like it was nothing it was nothing to her I've been trying to play those fucking triplets my whole life and I still don't have it down I'm just like fuck what is it about is it just kids learn quicker because they don't have as much shit in their head well back in the day when you heard something first of all you had cassette tapes had to keep fucking rewinding it and you're at the mercy of your own bedroom like there's nobody in there okay and now and then when you have had the record you could maybe slow it down okay but even then you had you know you slowing it down

it's still the basement trying to get out everything in it it's hard to fucking hear nowadays somebody who's a fucking expert or whatever so called expert because you know the guys who actually play go you know there's a lot of people teaching don't know what the fuck they're doing like the with the martial arts shit that you show they'll break the whole fucking thing yeah this her yeah in a little cute fucking luscious adorable girls suck some of those fucking trip what she's doing it's like is nothing socks look at a good Vega to look at her face oh my God that's adorable she's killing it that's the thing too is she actually she's not just doing what John did she's playing she's playing it is she playing to Led Zeppelin's all weekend yeah I was that yok can't play the actually smiling like we have a good test look I had a face when it's somebody get me an ice cream how one thing she is seven eight wow look at that she's the Killer

I think it's awesome that you're into music it's another thing like and I was thinking that too when you were taking me up in the helicopter ride like you do these other things and you get really into him I'll tell you it's crazy right now I'm going for my instrument rating that's the basically fly in like like if you would come into a city and like the whole city is covered with clouds and you can't fucking see anything how to use your instruments yeah this is this is what separates the men from the boys right so it's something that was really intimidating so finally decided to do it so the guy I'm taking the lessons from

II don't know if I should say is I don't want to blow up people's I never know what how much private they want to be so I fucking go in there because some because II know I know the guy I know the guy I know the fucking guy my instructor goes I got the best fucking guy in La so I go to his house cuz I'm going to fly on a simulator which is going to save me a ton of fucking money initially and then eventually so you know what the fuck you supposed to be doing when you start spending a bunch of money what I simulated look like he's similarly like computer screen he just has like an airplane yoke enough throttle thing that's all it is but it's getting you to look at like you have a six-pack of gauges and then you have these other two these you OBS or whatever it's a bunch of shit I don't want to fucking try to explain you but you're looking at that that becomes your eyes that becomes looking out the window is looking at your fucking gauges and it's unbelievably claustrophobic and fucking terrifying if if you got into that type of weather and you don't know what the fuck you're doing that's how you die okay now

so anyways I go over this guys fucking house hey how you doing out you know I'm so and so what's going on I walk into his house he's got a whole music studio and then would like a fucking Grammy he has this whole other fucking life where he like won a Grammy last year for writing a song in some major fucking superhero movie

and he's like a like a prodigy piano player and then we go in there and he knows and he's also he got into flying and just took it to level that he became an instructor and I just sit across from the guy in Oregon all of that is fucking in that in that it's fucking unbelievable what if you put your mind to shit what you can accomplish this crazy or you see it was really meeting somebody who's doing that inspires you like all right I think I can do this like before I came over I was like outlining like fucking chapter 4 in the fucking thing but there's all like gauges and shit and I'm little question marks and stuff was like all right I'm going to figure out how to do this and it's becoming less intimidating but I haven't gone up yet but just as far as like getting back to like these kids

because that the fact that she's 8 and can do that is she hasn't got credit card debt she's not in some fucking relationship dating some loser kid who's playing videos all day games all day and she has to come up with her half of the rent how do I heard she has his whole fucking yeah wonderment and shit is like the kids like they're positive that like stuff is possible it's fucked do you wish you could do that as have nothing but one thing to concentrate on just completely free of all the nonsense of life I'm not wired that way it's weird my I think that's why I like I'm not into speed when driving I like to do it every once in a while but like I like cruising along because it relaxes me yeah it kind of shuts down the fucking thunder and lightning of like let's do this let's do this for 10 minutes and I'll do this for fucking six minutes above all and all that shit so yeah I Drivin like the right lane will you and you are very similar in that way that we have a bunch of other shit that we do

he get into shit like heavily heavily into something else yeah I if I get into I get into it does hurt me a little bit because I'm starting to find like I don't know what's going on in the world which is scary as a comic so I gotta dip back in but it's healthier though but my wife but you also have to know what's going on you kind of got to know whose current and music yeah like I learned that when I tried I need a reference for a pop star and I did it at a college in like like four or five years ago or whatever in the last time I they're fucking College gig and I use Britney Spears as a reference and they're all look like it just died it was like oh wait a minute she's like mid-30s divorced mother of two but in my world she was still 19

yeah we were looking at an Instagram numbers

who is it what was the the Selena Gomez aye her and Ariana Grande up but that's gonna Ronaldo's the was the top rubber band but singers oh yeah yeah like a hundred and ninety thousand million fucking Instagram I mean she's got 160 or some crazy shit in 150 or so my fucking insane handling that in her 20s how do you not be crazy and good luck when you're older you know the Justin Bieber had a post the other day on his Instagram talking about all the drugs that he did when he was younger and how much it fucked him up and now he's got a relationship with the Lord and he's got you know he's married and he's trying to be a normal person yeah he's struggling with the fact that he was insanely famous when he was a kid yeah that is that's not that's not something I would you know I like seeing people become successful but that's not something I would wish on somebody no it's not heavy almost wish like he made it now yes even enemy still a kid and he's like yes 24:25 better now then making it at six you know when you're

a little kid and you become famous like and you're the one calling the shots you realize all these people are you're responsible for their income yeah they can brain still developing and you have everybody saying yes around yeah his brain is still developing now is your frontal lobe isn't even fully formed Lee 25 he's gonna say that but I didn't know that he's a baby he's a fucking young boy but he's you know trying to figure it out you know me they were he's already mean they were roasting him on Comedy Central for years ago that's crazy and he's already had like nine hundred million dollars in the bank yeah it's the that accomplished Enough by like 22 to get roasted yeah I mean most people get roasted they're like fucking my age Alec Baldwin did you learn they just did yeah yeah I love that guy

big fan of his don't know him do you know are you know I don't have shoes on a flight one time and he was sitting next to me realize I'm not going to talk to him not going to bug him and then he just leaned over with that matinee Idol voice he's like do you fly often that's like yes I got you and what I found with him was if you just talked about anything other than him or him being him he would totally talk but the second I ever veered it towards what he did he just didn't have any interest in time so I was like I got it I got heard of it let's let's so the time I did talk I just would talk about you know

anything but that have you ever sat next to someone was like Hey how do you come up with your material yeah like it's fucking red eyes right here this is how I come up with it yeah what was that one guy there's where you going bill was that one story oh God that guy at poor guy he was on something he got all paranoid and had some sort of military background he has Gonna Save the whole plane his how this idea that you were a bad guy that was a hilarious story though yeah he had the idea that I was acting fidgety and nervous because he was fidgety and nervous no I'm also a fucking lunatic I was probably fucking thinking of 50 things at the same time I was probably was acting that way but he took it to the whole ah yeah he stopped the plane we pulled over because if you don't fucking need it today I'm gonna push that button I was like fucking push it

oh that's right I forgot that whole story he was a military guy right oh Jesus people that think they have good instincts and their instincts suck are the worst I'd people think I'm I've just got a good way of reading people like actually don't yeah well there's two ways to go into something humbly and say I don't know shit and as you learn shit and you think on I'm starting on my God there's all this other stuff I don't know yeah and then there's other people they learn a little bit and then they're this Authority Trump and then you get a couple of drinks in them and that yeah looks like you know plane has to pull over how they resolve that I don't remember I don't really remember either like I just wasn't something I dwelled on I just remembered the stewardess coming over talking to us like we're children like are you two going to be okay next to each other and I'm just like I'm fine I don't know what this guys doing and

he continued to Yammer at me until he just passed out and then I think when he when we finally landed he was kind of sober

and I think he was starting to feel a little stupid I think we've all been there yeah we've all been there yeah sure he's a nice guy Maybe not maybe they are not maybe hey go this one way that's another ending to the movie I don't think that will test well with the way we went walking through the woods window

all right I'm gonna let you introduce the next topic I don't know where to go with that guys fucking maybe you got eaten by a bear that's a way to go boy if you had to be eaten by any animal what would it be go the bigger the better shark over quick no not shocked I don't like that because I don't like my head being here in the evils under here like just and it's going to take a bite out of me first to see if I'm edible and you just sitting there you know missing a chunk your leg going please don't let me taste good please don't let me taste good let him just fucking leave

it's interesting sharks used to be if you caught a shark people are happy you got that fucking thing out of the water could like when fishermen would bring in a shark people get excited yeah now you're a monster well there's this thing that I follow about sharks on Instagram and like it's fucked this person found a tiger shark

the 18 footer or some shit right and he she went down that she somehow gain this thing's confident and had like a fish some fishing line and like took it out okay this just can't be real and then somehow she ran into the thing again in the ocean and she was petting it like a fucking lap dog trying to suggest that this thing knew her knew her and was happy and respect it means the way they cut it together and of course the music always takes you emotionally where they want you to go but I was just watching that whole thing going like it's good that you did that but I don't think you're at the I can now this tiger shark is talk to all the other Tiger shot not on our bills cool do you remember Beastmaster remember that TV show no there was a dude who's like a jack dude and like big bracelets on and you would fucking commune with the animals and they would like land on his shoulder and shit like eagles and land on his arms

all the animals listen to him that's really stupid show because it's he there's no there's nothing humble about that name Beastmaster Beastmaster see me they're they're allowing you to live in your now you're acting yeah he got to have then Tarzan hair who was the guy and Beastmaster who was it a TV show nah

it was after that that looks like a tissue I think it was a TV show was the TV show that guy like had this special relationship with the fucking with the animals they all listen to him

oh yeah I didn't know he had a sword too so it's a big dick took to judging by how long that fucking loincloth is huh hanging down below his knees if you don't have a big dick the line is not going to listen to you like that Eagle's Landing on his arm yeah he this was like the Conan the Barbarian days like after Conan the movie Giant hit there was a lot of dudes with their shirts off holding swords holding swords it was a thing tell him Lions where to go yeah it was I'll tell you one thing that I would never do an acting as I will never ever catch I probably shouldn't say this but like working with monkeys aside from you know it's going to be a bad movie just no

fucking way I worked with the writer who got attacked by a monkey when he was a kid and it was just one of those organ grinder ones I think fucked him up those fucking eating disorder monkey you know after you saw the bananas it wasn't cute it's in show business man it's got it thanks that's for the organ grinder music and their fat monk and he was talking about like like his Clarity and understanding of monkeys just by getting attacked by one he does not he goes I won't do it he goes you do like you're good for about 1820 minutes and then the monkey just starts fucking acting crazy and then eventually it just gets like you know I've always said that if you go to a circle like a circus like a bear doesn't want to ride a bicycle so what did they do to that fucking thing to make it give in yeah and it's a bear

So eventually it's going to become a bear again

you know and it's something's got like all like that those circus all that shit it's just it's inevitable like what you're doing yes Arc is a dark is the the what they do to elephants and monkeys and bears there's a great video it's not a good well it's horrible you have any happy videos of animals just existing I don't save those I know you don't

just some chill out there's a video of a chimp riding a bike and a guy in a bear riding a bike and the chimp tripped up the bear somehow and they crashed and the bear grabs ahold of chimp just rips it apart from everybody with that fucking yeah yeah here it is so the Bears riding and The Chimps riding and they Collide and when they Collide the bear is fucking furious at the chimp and just starts fucking rats like road rage right boom goes down

and he tries to help him back get back on the bike is this it is this the one always got the chimp right there oh yeah it's too late I thought they have a muzzle on the fucking thing oh not this time to trust in him he just fucks up that chimp and they can't get it away from him that's not even a big bear it's a small bear now do that's fucking huge would you want to fight that guy in a bar

no guy that stocky that Harry coming at you funny that's your G Animal Steele it's just such a stupid fucking form of entertainment you know let's get animals to do shit that they don't normally do people are freaking out wow I like it took him that long to stand up to realize that's not part of the show something about music it can just take you emotionally where you want them to go so they say yeah did they imagine that that used to be Show Business used to be like in a covered wagon it would pull into town ladies and gentlemen gather around and there was a show and then you know you have a Minstrel show and people would sing and do puppets and would be a play you yeah that's when when do you think the first guy got up and told jokes and made people laugh like when was our first oh who's that guy he wrote that he wrote that great

book on the history of stand-up and it was a guy like Frank PHA or something like that was the first guy that went out there like I don't need to have like a fucking hula-hoop and spinning plates and he just went out and was like I'm just going to tell stories and make him like he kind of did a monologue type of thing but he was the first guy if I have it right that I think was the 20s and then in the 40s he was actually on the side of the fascist he was a fascist yeah there was real yeah there was people in this country that you know didn't think what those guys were doing was necessarily wrong which really if you look at the history forget about this country Humanity like there's always been that so what fucked his career if I'm remembering this correctly this could be like fucking

I hope I'm saying the right guy he so he ended up doing this yeah Frank face stand up he did this show

all right I guess that's earlier when he's doing the props he's come out dressed like he's in the Foreign Legion but he did a show right after World War II R after he won and it was a pro-fascist rally in New York City and he was the big name signed on to do it and the night was called the friends of Frank Faith the first stand-up comic was a fascist house I know I can't say I don't know that but then there's other people that I got a buddy of mine that will argue that that Mark Twain was Samuel Clemens yeah well argue will argue that he was the first stand up so I don't know really necessary think it just sort of there with it sort of poked its head up and then duck back down like some improv the line like hey I did that without my hula-hoop you know saying I went good man yeah they got sick of lugging shit around or something I don't know what it was but did you ever see Lenny with Dustin Hoffman yeah he was great in that

I mean he really came off like a comic you really seemed like he was Lenny Bruce now he's an incredible incredible acting I actually went down a rabbit hole looking up a bunch of shit about him and oh no it wasn't that I don't even hide went down this rabbit hole but these fucking talk about like before 9/11 like what you could do and then still walk around a free man like 18 months later was crazy like these people on the Upper East Side I don't know what the fuck they were doing this really radicalized time like the 60s early 70s I don't what the somewhere around that time these people will making a bomb what yeah and like these rich kids are some shit because it was like a in a townhouse on the Upper East Side

and Dustin Hoffman had one on that block close enough to it and you know these fucking idiots blew themselves up blew the fucking building up and fucked with his townhouse and there's a picture of him if you can find it is he grabbed some piece of expensive art that he had bought got it out of his house and it's a picture of a young Dustin Hoffman walking up the street yeah this poor guy like had the balls to go after a dream you know you think it's hard making as a comic I don't even know how the fuck he made it as an actor now forget about then yeah look at the blew up their whole fucking thing and he's like I made it I'm on the Upper East Side everything's great and then these fucking the building's missing yes so he on something close enough to that yeah Jesus Christ it's crazy it's like all the building to the building to the left find building to the rise fine and that buildings obliterated yeah I'm sure that there was some damage done to those other ones so it's crazy how the one in the middle just missing

you look it up like that the the jail time that they got will mean you know obviously the person who was down there the people down there died I think but then there was they figured out who was in cahoots with them but also their parents owned a townhouse on the Upper East Side Oh Sleepless in Jimmy's been a little you know distant your honor you know you know they go to the same fucking party you get away with shit before the internet they passed around some cash do you ever see a doc yeah that chick who shot fucking Andy Warhol barely did any fucking time and then years later how he died I always thought I don't eat drugged himself for just doing drugs upon him but it was I think it was complications from the bullet wound yeah when you when you get like shot like I also think of yeah organ damage well when you get shot in the gut to that's like the fucking worst because all that shit that breaks down your food seeps in like the infections and the shit ahem yeah it's horrific what did you come for

II don't know I don't know I'm not saying I'm not saying anybody was a great fucking person here but that's never a solution but the jail time that that person got was ridiculously short and then he's got to live the rest of his life dealing with the Fallout of what that person did to him and then also knowing that that crazy chick is out there well isn't the guy who shot Reagan out now no I think they were gonna let him out and he was like now guys know you don't want to do that I think I think he said I thought they let him out my memories in the greatest I'm probably gonna I'm probably combining all three of these stories and it's actually about he's out quickiy says he's released so what's the name again John Oakley Hinckley yeah you should look up everything I say actually bill it's completely the other direction do you remember do you ever watch a documentary on the weathermen

remember the weatherman no I'm with the weatherman there are radical terrorist group from the 60s I thought was like some Ron Burgundy shit okay 60s 027 that's that that Greenwich bombing has something to do with that there's like a group called like the SDS the students of Democratic Society which was another shooter the weathermen I'm just looking to the Wikipedia this where they radicalize rich white kids maybe well one of them one of the guys who was one of the weathermen went on to become a professor at a university in Chicago and that was one of the things that they were talking about when Obama was running for president he's friends with a terrorist because he knew this guy from his from his university days right because wasn't that like the idea in Fight Club that the Project Mayhem something like that you will talk about that same I've same sort of idea where they're just wanted to fuck up all sorts of different things in society and not troll people by bomb shit you know nothing about yes we should ask Chuck when he was in here

but the weatherman anyway the documentaries crazy they were they wanted to take down society and they wanted to take down the government so they were doing acid and having orgies and know what I'm placing blowing things up and there was no like so then we can rebuild it it was just like let's just fuck it up I mean I think there's a lot of anarchists a lot of people in the their youth where they want to just tear the whole fucking thing down you know I was having a conversation with my wife about this really interesting just the other day we were out at dinner and she was like when she was young she had a rough childhood and she was hoping that society would fall apart because her life was a mess in other people's lives were great and she had this thing in her head like she hopes Society crumbled because then everything would be fucked all over the world no one would be okay because her life wasn't okay that sounds like this really interesting yeah really interesting because her inside the way she was talking about it was like because she was remembering that very specifically when she was young you know chaotic that's why that territory

movie so so like funny to me I loved it I don't think they ever say hippie without saying fucking ever go fucking hippie well there's always been people like that right it's always been people who want to take the whole fucking thing down you know I want to know when you can buy that movie and own it like what up because back in the day just by like the DVD because that is like like you going on tour that's like that's going to be a Good Fellows movie for me where I'm going to watch that thing off 5,000 times in my life and always see something new in it and then it becomes like like the second time I saw it I realized how great the actor playing I'm trying to talk all this surface you don't give any spoiler alerts well this is guy he plays a director that's going to direct Leonardo Dicaprio and like what that guy does with that role and how many inside jokes you don't have to be in Show Business how fucking funny that guy is it's like laying on the 90th time I watch good

fellas I realized how funny that guy was the guy who had the wigs like his character yeah how fucking hilarious and how great that guy played that degenerate Gambler because at the first time you watch it it's like Joe Pesci and De Niro you seen all of those guys and then you start to like Frankie Carbone and you know the roast beef guy in all of that shit but then you just watch and I just was like everybody is great in this yeah everybody took like here's one or two lines and everybody just like hit a home run you know what freaked me out in that movie that I couldn't believe the violence against women like the scenes the fight scenes I don't want to give anything away but audio some we like whoa you could still do this in a movie like holy shit that's my favorite quote from Tarantino what I saw an interview with time and they were saying yeah we know is trying to write movies and stuff you know and they were going like you can't do this you can't do that he's like why maybe because I do whatever the fuck I want it's like that

that's why you movies are great yeah whether you like them or not you just like that's that's the comic I want to watch I can say whatever the fuck I want yeah good I want to see you totally unfiltered yeah that's good I mean there's a time and a place I think you know you know to to be filtered sure you know what I mean there's no sense just going in and showing your ass and being a you know if I if somebody hires you for private gig and they go okay perform between these two lines you're not Lenny Bruce if you go in there you go outside and you're a fucking asshole right because you agreed to do that right you do a corporate gig for Christian church right but if you're at like a comedy club it's like now you you're a guest yeah you came into a nightclub so this isn't you know if you don't like it you leave but that's not what came to see you specifically and all the other people did too and the one or two people that are get upset well you're the problem the other people are there to see this kind of shit it's incredibly selfish it'd be like if I went to a restaurant and I didn't like the meal

and then the chef owed me an apology and had to change his menu and you didn't want anybody else to eat stop yeah I hate this food and if you go in there and eat off of that menu then you're part of the fucking problem and I'm going to try to take you down to yeah because you didn't have a problem with this fucking chicken and dumplings whatever the fuck the fuck is making strange time strange best name special I feel yeah well I didn't know what else to call it it's just that's all I could think of yeah I like it because it's not it's not you're not punching him in the nuts you just said strange it's a weird time yeah paper Tiger yep how long do you think you're going to wait until you do another one do you have an idea in your head you going to try to do two years we try to do have a set schedule ever think that no because that takes the enjoyment out of it it's like more like I had a bit that I was doing

the first time I told the story and my new our two women like yelled out simultaneously and they yelled the same thing which means they whisper to each other let's yell this in three two one and I got out go fuck yourself I got into that with them and then they went upstairs and I'm like it's a comedy club I know they're still there because Comedy Club security is the worst it's the worst they just they just they they don't know how to kick people out so I went upstairs I had to put the hoodie up and all of that shit they said they were at the bar I walked by and then I go outside the club took the hoodie off and then they were there and then we got into it again and I was just like you don't even know me go fuck yourselves you know what the fuck I'm saying fuck you you fucking owe the matter

just my perception on something I was telling a fucking story right so it had to do with a lesbian so that and then it was the wrong show to do it on because I think it was kind of a gay show I mean I went up there they had paper cutouts of dicks all over the place so I'm like why

but it's a comedy club so I'm tell I'm telling the story I want to tell so I told the story you know so it took me a little while you know to kind of get my I've pretty much I mean it was like you know I don't want to have that kind of interaction with people so I've just been you know working the bit out work in a bit out and then like you know I did the joke the other night at the Laugh Factory and the exact person from that group came up to me told me she loved the joke and she was just like I feel like you would describe in my life and I'm like that's why that's the fun of this shit and

you know as people say like oh he's you're working out a joke I can't do it at home yeah I have to go out there and just start throwing shit against the wall and see how to piece this stuff together so to go back to like when are you going to do a special again like I enjoy this part too much to rush it we had to be thinking about like you know then you're like okay I'm doing a special I'm taping it here and then I'm in the bubble and then every night I go on stage and it's just like okay and I got to do this and made me what if I opened with this and what if I put an injustice it just becomes you know this is added weight to it hmm that makes it like you know the opposite reason you tie reason why I got into this business was not that fucking real job I want to have fun so this which is goes back to what I was talking about you and I was watching us a fuck Jose on the other side he shot his special and now he's going down and as much as it can be frustrating putting it together he's having fun every night seeing all right where's this idea going to go

just going to lie because this something like when I'm putting together a new our like I have some of the hacky is shit ever and I take all of those rules and throw them out the window I don't give a fuck if you see me doing these jokes and most of them don't live but some of them grow into something that's better yeah and then it's not hacky and now it's this this thing that then shoots off into this and then you just start spinning off over here yeah and then all of a sudden a I got like I got like eight minutes I got 12 minutes their seeds right yeah it's starting to come together so when people go down there and it's literally like

it's not even done you're just starting to draw and they're reacting to it saying it sucks and it's like it's not done I'm just yeah I agree with you it sucks yeah yeah yeah I'm with you yeah this is how I work out but some people know that some people understand that some people think the come to see if most people most people now today in 2019 yeah Crowds Are Great yes come on just one person in 50 shows complains and it's you know because there's so much shit to look at like controversy gets people to stop at your website and then you get credit from the advertisers in the side and then they they gas up shit and they you know I saw a guy recently talking because the in suede everyone in the internet hates me but I walk down the street and everybody loves me so it's just like so what is what's really going on there's what's going on is the small that percentage that don't like you is being shown to be the majority

you know well it's a very vocal minority who get upset about things and they're very they're adamant about it and they're very active that's what it is the people that are upset about certain things people that are in the really responding to a different culture they're very it's like if you know because then you can do exactly like nine times out of ten exactly what they're complaining is being done to them they turn around and then do trying to find their Justice and they just I don't know the irony seems to be lost on these people but like I don't talk about I try not to talk about that shit a lot because I don't want to give it any more added weight than it deserves and it's just like literally if people bring it up I just say well you know not everybody's going to like me yeah I don't know what to tell you I don't need everybody like I just need enough people

to fill up enough of wherever I'm playing so I can continue doing this that's all I got like as a comedy fan like what you're doing right now like the what you're doing in this special the stuff that I saw you working out before the special is what I always wanted to see as a comedy fan that's what I like I like I like people who take risks who say crazy shit that you know you know is you're walking out on a line right now you're on a wire you know I want to see you what like the troops bit you're walking a fucking wire and you could feel it you can feel buttholes clinching up while you start the bit I love it that kind of Comedy to me is the most fun especially now at this day and age with all my years in comedy if something still makes me go oh shit where's he going yeah and overnight but the thing is is if you're going to keep being a comedian then you know how to do it yeah so then you're just going to be bored if you just wrote

shit that you know the crowd was going to like and blah blah blah but to then challenge yourself to kind of a can I yeah can I say what I think about this in a funny way that doesn't put people because I don't I'm not that guy I don't want to walk the crowd I don't want to have people waiting to yell at me right there's certain people that like that and kind of want to be that person that's not what I'm trying to do I just want to make you laugh and I definitely you know will stare into are I have a lot of silly shit to but I'll steer into some areas or whatever but

it's all like just done and fun it's just down in front it's just so you just listen some idiot in a bar that's all you're doing exactly and if you're not there to see that well then you pick the wrong place it's not legislation now you know go home yeah I just saw great quote Joan Rivers said that one of my favorites of all time would you say it's in a comedian should never apologize for a joke it just means you didn't get the joke and that bitch has ruthless she was ruthless to the day she died she was ruthless no I saw her I saw her towards the end of life and I was just going like I couldn't pull that off I couldn't pull that off but like she was also somebody that like was like Carlin

where it was they didn't just go okay I got here and we're satisfied they just kept going to higher and higher levels and that I'm telling you if you watch her on The Ed Sullivan Show okay in the 60s where her act was at versus the 70s and in the 80s and the 90s this very few artists that you watch that their trajectory is this continuing climb Jack Lemmon one of my favorite actors of all time you watch him in the apartment is great as he is in that Jack Lemmon and Glengarry Glen Ross blows away Jack Lemmon in 1960-61 because you know now I know the guy but like if you don't take the ride is what I call it you know when people say yeah yeah yeah I'm fucking it that's when you just level off and you start to go back down if you keep going like I can learn from younger people here from all the people peers you'll continue if you but it's constant

work yes if you put the work in like I'm hoping because both of them fascinate me equally Carlin and and Joan Rivers how they they went they went like this you know and and I'm Carla was so fucking out there I thought there was comedians that didn't get what he was doing towards the end and now you go back and watch what the fuck he was saying in the 2000s and all of that shit is happening and he was just he was ahead of the curve if people thought he was overreacting or now he's just this angry old man and just like he's all worried don't you need to go back and listen he's trying to warn you about some shit and he was just a hundred percent

I mean just fucking on the money like I can watch it that he said in 1990 and be like yeah like that that actually I know what that is right now like that's it that's not like you met that's almost like 30 years ago and you don't watch it like he's up there like hey take my wife please Robert it's not like this it's like a Timeless thing well some people I think the struggle of doing the work of showing up the club's of grinding that feeling of you know going on stage with the seeds of new material and eating shit not knowing where they're going and Taking Chances go on a limb and failing and then succeeding and then finding punchlines new new ways to take the bit and then all you one night you ad-lib something and holy fuck that's it this is the whole thing for any piece it all the yeah you find a wormhole into another dimension and you you piece it all together people get weary they get tired of doing that I think it's for retirement but I also think I think it's a the fear of those stories we were talking

about earlier is like the humiliation of trying to learn how to actually be a comedian yes so being in a band anything that involves getting up on a stage you don't want to go you don't want to feel that again right so I think people will like okay I'm doing this in this works and then Sofia will have a finely drawn tickets because everybody I'll give a fuck who made it like most of us had that feeling in a comedy condo of like am I the guy who's not going to fucking make it one of my don't in that fucking cold sweat feeling I uh I think people who stopped growing it I think part of it is that you don't want to go back to what the fuck did I said something the other night on stage and it bombed so fucking bad it was like a vacuum I can't put back I didn't get sucked into my own but it was like a kick in the chest it was I had to pull out an old joke to get it so I could get a drink of water like who

I had not taken up the midsection I was just sitting there like right in the living room yeah liver shot it wasn't whoever shot because I would have gone down and window plexus it was yeah it was definitely I had to regroup and get back on the yeah I'd stepped into like a sinkhole on that I wanted that could still happen though I liked it that can still happen I like things that scare the shit out of me I always have I'm into him I'm not into safe things I like it when it goes off the road and into the trees I in certain parts I in comedy I do I don't like that in life yeah no personal relationship so not going to get scary I don't like that either yeah that's that could that could be a problem yeah I think that we all can learn like if we keep doing it I think one of the dummer are told me this to he goes Joe one of the things I really love about comedy he was I think I'm better than I've ever been hey guys have been doing this comedy for fucking 40 years I agree with that I agree with it as well

but it's because his love of it you know Dom loves it like he'll go on stage in the OR and they're bringing him up you know ladies and gentlemen you seen this guy on HBO and this and that and that and this all is fucking credits and he's walking onto the stage for a big smile on his face is the best part of his day yeah he's gonna go up there and fucking murdered anybody give a better shitting on you enter intro than him no he's one of my favorite things that this store is like dogs bring you up II can't wait to hear what he says about me and it's always like this he does this complimentary while he's taking your fucking knees out exactly yeah he's a fantastic on killed Tony he's one of the best guess ever on kill Tony because you know okay yeah because those Comics go up and they do one minute and so many of them are brand new they might have done stand up once or never before and said if I can't believe those kids have the balls to do that I was I would it's a great show it's a great show because of that and Tony such a great host and him and red band fucking with the people but the my favorite by far

side guest is when Dom as a guest has it checked out because he's so fucking good at it he's so good at shitting on bad comedy and have compliment you and have shitting yeah the same time I used to love his show that he's due at the Laugh Factory busting balls with dimer era yeah he would do I did that yeah they would some flour on Jamie Masada buddy buddy buddy said that man never did say that you did say that you did ban me from the club listen to this shit I don't know who put your stuff on YouTube was not me buddy he's not me by them yeah don't ever owned up to the fact he Banned Me from the club one time that never happened buddy menu he was doing this thing where he wanted people to work clean or something and I went up there in admittedly I you know just some nights you get on stage you start saying fucking you can't stop it was one of those sets and he goes body what

open mind you know you go up on stage you fuck fuck fuck all over the place man and I just laughed I thought he was fucking around and then I all of a sudden I wasn't getting spots and then somebody gave the advice call him up and apologize and then he knew he had me apologize and then he just fucked with me

how long was this late 90s fun times fun times though they were not fun times in the store was not fun to even go down the store there was like nobody there and it was just these fucking famous Comics would just drop in and they would do like ours and they and they didn't do the work they hadn't written anything and they were just standing in the mice and yeah so what else is going on and they were teaching all these young Comics they like someday when I get on a show I'm gonna fucking do that I'm gonna come in there and I remember

being like this is what it is what the fuck is this and then this all late 90s then I went down to the Improv and Seinfeld is right as Seinfeld had wrapped up and was the first time I was seeing him live and it was like Jerry's popping in I was just like oh wow man okay I want to see Jerry and he had a 20-minute spot and he did 20 minutes came up he opened with something that worked he closed with something that worked and he worked on his new shit in the middle 20 minutes got the light wrapped up thank you good night I remember thinking like that guy's a fucking Pro a pro yeah there was a time where that was a thing to do or guys you know and I think Chris Rock would do it where that's how he would come up with material and he would pray he would say to the audience don't get too excited the shank gonna be that funny right he would say that like and he would go on after somebody that killed like someone to do like 15 minutes right of all their best shit and then Chris would pop in it's Chris would go up afterward and he go what else what else and he would like I think it was a strategy to put himself

he's bad positions hoping he would find a way out of it and then he would take those little chunks that he would find when he would find a way out of it and then build those into bit but he wasn't one of those guys that went up and just did two hours no no no two hours because he was Chris wragge do like 20 minutes or he yeah he was always like whenever I saw him pop in I would always watch because he was weren't he had written stuff yeah and he was working on it and it was I know who you're talking about yeah I know who dr. Moreau exactly yeah that we do there's a couple guys that would do that yeah I was the worst it was bad because they weren't even trying to be they weren't trying to entertain the crowd and they will tell me about growing up and being famous yes and by the time they were done the fucking show was done people just get up and droves because it wasn't entertaining yeah yeah yeah well those days are done you know that's the beautiful thing there's no more that a couple people who tried to that you know a couple people have come in like fairly recently that are famous and run the light and it done 45 minutes try to do that and they can't come back

they've had a few of those people try to stop in I never I never thought that that would I always thought that Fame would win that one that's that's that's good to hear that the again they're actually doing the person a favor well you know why they can't do that anymore that's the shows are sold out every fucking night at the store and it's packed with killer comedians you can't do that anymore you can't go on between you and aleeya and Joey Diaz and just what else what else you can't do that anymore those days are done yeah you gotta bring it after Joey those days are done yeah Jesus Christ Joey Diaz will leave a fucking hole in that room he leaves a hole you got to fill that fucking hole in before you can even start to tell jokes yeah I love Joe he's a monster I've never seen anybody kill harder in my life I've been doing comedy 31 years I've never seen anybody kill her Joey he has a command it's a Monster yeah when he goes out there it's like all right the captain's here yeah he's a monster he hit some hide and also by the way he's doing comedy from 1990 he's doing comedy like me

you never happen the internet never happened there's no fucking rules yeah it does not give a fuck and just really doesn't really don't kill us because murder people yeah don't give a fuck what and if I'm not in a toxic fucking way that they say it's just like they know this see and jokes they know that he's fucking around right he's funny yeah and it's good that's the other thing too it's ridiculous outrageous but it's also really well word well-worded well-timed shit right yeah this is how much could it cost me was telling me there's a thing out there now that if somebody shows up who's hard of hearing you're supposed to have a device for that to help them out and if they don't they can sue you so there's a there's some fucking ambulance Chaser hard of hearing guy going around so when people well I've done shows what they had a sign language horse and you've done that right well they have to do it they'll go yeah certain theaters like but my thing is it why is it on the club it's like you know your heart of here

yeah how the fuck I gotta hire somebody yeah if you have a limp do I have to make sure there's a cane there I did Cobbs once and there was a guy in the audience that was deaf and he actually hired someone to do sign language so someone was sitting facing him while I was like he was facing me and someone was sitting like say if Jamie is the audience member and you're you know like this TVs were the standard business this lady was doing this and then doing this to him doing this and doing this to him and the guy was like like getting long and so I was going what's going on here and then I had a sorted out right all you hired her to do they goes yeah I bring her to you know explain I bring her to comedy clubs I go to bring her movies like he's like this guy has lady that he would hire and she would do sign language for him but good for him though you didn't make a big deal out of it he just he hired somebody that's actually great so he can go to movies and nobody talking bugs them people eat that popcorn too loud you can't hear any of it

getting the he doesn't he only needs to see a movie once he gets all the fucking dialogue he doesn't get the music the manipulation the music gives you that shit doesn't work on him oh that's interesting yeah this music drives me nuts and movies I'm gonna like it it adds two movies all right but there's sometimes when I'm aware of it that's when it bothers me when I'm aware when there's like piano playing the guy and the girl holding hands my cam on right you didn't need to do this to me or if they pick a hacky song that you've seen in like 40 different movies it's like all right yeah yeah that was cool when Scorsese used it in 1980 well it's a it's an interesting thing because it came from the time where there was no sound in movies so they would add a Musical soundtrack the third at the movies were silent and you would see the screen with the words of come out so we from then Associated movies with music it's a weird thing like these people are talking there's a shootout there's a fucking fight in a scene in a movie in a comedy club or whatever in the movie and then this

plan it all this stuff's going on like why is there music playing why you manipulate because they've always had music and movies so from the time they had movies were there were silent there was music playing in the background they just kept it in there like it doesn't make sense that music is in movies you're showing me scenes of things that are supposedly really happening and I'm supposed to be locked in like the really happening but there's this unexplained fucking music the course of the action on the pitch there's an art to everything for it for show if used properly yes it'll flush or this are but it's amazing that we automatically associate those two things together right because music is a totally different thing than a movie but yet they're inexorable to us we I was want to watch Jaws without that fucking thing room yeah of course yeah dude fuck but it's that one that's I would think when I'd hear that no its back I wonder if when they first invented movies if they already had invented audio recording because it's kind of crazy that

vented video recording before audio you would think that it'd be you know there used to be a then in the area of some person would be playing the piano live shorts shorted out to at the that's what I thought I don't know I think they did that with my time I think they did that too but they definitely if you watch an old silent movie there's music playing yes I watch the thing on like Tails Turner Classic Movies and I was watching this thing they did a whole thing on Buster Keaton fucking unbelievable it was I was recorded I've watched it like three times do you know like I broke his neck doing a fucking stunt it wasn't even aware that he did it he was definitely in pain he was doing some gig that some bit there was like a train coming down you know the waterspout thing that you pulled down yeah the joke was that it came down on him but they didn't understand they didn't you know the physics of it how hard that water was coming out and it's slammed him down onto the train tracks you don't do so much water you don't see how he hits

but he broke his fucking neck and didn't realize it then years later he went to the doctor with some headaches or something like I don't know what the hell it was but the guy was going on he's just looking at the x-rays like so when you break your neck because I never broke my neck goes yeah you did what point this shit out yeah I dislocated my shoulder Apparently one point in time and I didn't know I did it I got an MRI the doctors like you dislocated your shoulder I'm like a fucking lunatic I would have been flopping like a fish out of water if I did it you know who else broke his neck in a movie Stallone when he was like 65 he's doing The Expendables someone threw him into a wall and he snapped his neck to this day he's got bolts and rods in his neck it's all fused together whoa yeah you see an x ray of his neck it's fucking nuts pull up an x-ray of Sylvester Stallone's knock about a guy still fucking giving people their money's worth 65 he won't even do the stunt double this show is like the Sylvester Stallone fan club show because everybody like

like whenever his name comes up like the other day Eddie Bravo was talking about all the fucking moves is got the guys relevant from Rocky one in the 1970s and now he's doing like Rambo 14 or whatever the fuck it is he's 85 years old September 20th he's and geriatric old man hold the knife coming to get you he's still at it yeah still a lot of billboards everywhere Rambo people are psyched probably gonna be the number one movie in the country um I love a stuntman didn't use a stuntman and broke his fucking neck and then until your youngsters out there anytime they go you want the stuntman and do it always say yes look at this Tom Cruise delegation itself to the side of a plane this guy's a crazy look at his neck so he's got a cage scroll up oh my God yeah so his neck is fused all those vertebrae and screws and bolts that has never come out never that is his neck for life not only that it compromises the upper and lower disk so that when your neck is fused like that that's an unnatural sort of condition for those joints so the upper and lower ones there's

there's additional stress and it's an unnatural leverage Point yeah fuck that fucking duty didn't 65s get screws and bolts in his neck and shit they threw he got thrown into a wall and cracked what does it say Stone Cold Steve Austin was so fucking vicious I end up getting a hairline fracture in my neck I'm not joking I haven't told anyone this I had to have a very serious operation afterwards now I have a metal plate in my neck yeah yeah Stone Cold Steve Austin who's you know who's also his broke his neck I broke everything all those guys have ever know the guy was put them in the pile driver or really and he was supposed to but you know leave distance you're supposed to have like the guys had spoken through when he jumps up you kind of ease up with your legs so at the last second you tuck your chin I guess right was how I watched him explain this shit and what the guy the guy was like freaking out that he's fighting them or something like that or he fucked up oh look you can see it right there oh yeah see that he just he didn't do it properly he dropped him right on his fucking neck

I mean who says almost broke his neck would probably fucked up his discs the craziest while I was crazy was he was supposed to win that match and then he was just fucking laying there so they didn't know what to do so they just took his arm and just put it on the guys chest and they were like 123 overall my God yeah the craziest one I ever saw was Brock Lesnar he did a flip through the air and landed on his head flip through the ice 300 pounds flips through the air I think he called it a shooting star press or something like that he would flip through the air to land on somebody but he miscalculated or is slipped or whatever when he did the jump off the top rope oh God 300-pound gigantic man lands on his face didn't even knock him out just continually just fucking pin the guy afterwards watch this because this is fucking god this shit freaks me absolutely preposterous

scroll to the end where he flies through the air doesn't they're like just a highlight of the actual available we used to joke that that guy was so big like that's the sword tattoos like actual size I don't know what happened to yeah it's right right before that right before that because that's that's where he's k out right before that so scroll a little bit before that little bit before that just right there click there okay so it must be right before so it seems like they're showing highlights here ok they don't have it on YouTube I think it's because he's good at the animals getting eaten alive yeah this is here he is here he is this is him oh no watch this look at the size of that motherfucker looks like a cartoon look boom he missed oh landed headfirst look at him holding his head most humans are dead right there just dead oh so Kurt angle's trying to pin him

nope shrugs him off the idea that you're even alive when you land a head like that he just totally miscalculated he's so lucky he's not paralyzed oh yeah well he doesn't have a neck he just has shoulders that go to the top of his head

and he stays with the story line popped out of wow that's a fucking Pro wow that's why I get the big bucks strike is the big Maya he was thinking about coming back to the UFC up until just a few months ago he's going to fight Daniel Cormier they were holding the heavyweight title because we're going to match match him and Daniel Cormier but then he just decided you know he was doing some legitimate wrestling with some real national champions and Michigan State and you know I think he got to a point in his life is like especially without steroids because the UFC has very strict anti-doping policies in the last time he fought he tested positive and so I was like look like I just can't do this again I'm not going to do this and but plus when he was on WWE there's not a chance in the world he was pissing clean I mean so for the years after the UFC when he was on WWE he was taking one of the fucking wanted to and his giant built like a fucking brick shithouse and then they're like he's like I want to fight one more time and if he's going to fight one more time he's

be clean so he's going to enter into the you Sada testing pool so he's got to be in that testing pool for a period of several months before they'll allow him to compete so they're testing them this whole time such a dumb fuck I was picturing him getting into a pool no I'm like what do they do what you sweat they figure don't get in the pool we need to clean you to find out if you're on steroids but he gave you was that close I mean he's like I'm so glad you continue to talk to that point or I would have been I would have been walking around they got a pool and they get in the pool they make you do some laps in and adjust the water if there's steroids in it why the pool and I just think it's more accurate there you just keep answering and you don't have an answer you just give one oh boy all right so fucking giant human being yes he is that's Viking DNA right there kids yeah

yes it is all right let's wrap this bitch up huh yeah let's get in a sauna relax do it it's gonna seal it shut up my sauna ladies and gentlemen how did you like the Cigar by the liked it very much why didn't have that one I had this one right here which was a different one what is this what's this my favorite right here I wish I could read this but my old man eyes are not allow Aurora Sapphire great afternoon one right here great afternoon stop it likes and Mild yet flavorful tonight Netflix midnight Midnight all across the country Eastern Time everywhere sir yes sir midnight tonight I don't know how it works in other countries but I would think the way Netflix does their business they're good at it there on top of it the other shit yeah but I'm excited for you brother I'm very excited to see it too oh thank you very much and once again thank you to Mike binder for the way that it looks if shout out to Mike bind hockey you gotta see it and if you come to the Improv and the comic store Thursday night Bill be working with me we're gonna have some fun and that's it bye you fucks see you

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