#1219 - Bill Burr

Dec 20, 2018

Bill Burr is a standup comedian and also hosts his own podcast called “The Monday Morning Podcast”. Season 3 of his show “F Is For Family” is available now on Netflix.

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Hello friends welcome to the show this episode of the podcast has brought you once again by the cash app the number one app in finance if you do not know about the cash app let me let you know I'm a tell you the cash app is first of all it's a nap and through this app you can buy and sell Bitcoins it's really super cheap and easy you can have your paycheck directly deposited right into the app how about that and then you like why would I do that I'll tell you why because of the cash card to cash card is the cash apps customizable debit card and it comes with something called boost and boost is a feature you can't get anywhere else because the cash app invented it this way you do you select a boost in the cash app swipe your cash card and you can save 10% or more at Whole Foods Shake Shack Chipotle Taco Bell Chick-fil-A and all coffee shops around the country and other spots to throw away

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The Joe Rogan Experience

how are you what's going on thank you very much I'm going to tell you what legitimately you change the way I think about La it's really small waist smaller than you think it's a different that when you fly over it you go just like that big I was still getting my license and I was doing a Night Flight right which is insane totally different ball game when you get up there if someone is below you they disappear into the city so that's what ya ya ya ya back and we were going along the sea like all these these lights and it was like right there that's the fireworks from Disneyland

and I was like fucking Disneyland is right there cuz in my head it took like 2 hours to get their hour-and-a-half going down the five but it's just like cuz you don't look at Miles all you do is look at a time when you're out here because there's so much traffic but it's literally like oh that's like forty miles it's not even it's like from Hollywood like I would take it if you can't even be more than 15-20 miles away is so fucking close but I just it's just that you're Irvine comedy club that's always think of it's just fucking way the fuk down there and then you get up in a helicopter and you like there in like 11 minutes. This is this is ridiculous so yeah yeah it was awesome is awesome picnic table yeah dude I'm sorry I said it down.

when he went to land it wasn't that good but I was smooth and then the Apocalypse Now shit we're going to the Canyons.... I get it it was a fun it's it's a it's a lot of fun of me I can fly mostly with an instructor cuz I got the kids everything but every once in a while you got to go up by yourself just so you know you can do it but I also machine over to overdo to do it but I always go out and I do like the autorotations and he'll just sold a child flying alone he'll just chop throttle in like this is just Rollie RPMs go down and then you really have to pick a spot in a woman sometimes you know the lower you are you know what becomes literally what you the first place you look as where you're putting it it's really crazy but where you would Crash Landing auto rotation means if you basically if you had some sort of problem or whatever so like when you're flying along

the desk and that's what creates lift but when when you go into an auto rotation it's it's the air rushing you're using gravity bringing the helicopter using that are like almost like a fan to keep it going so and there's a critical point where if you let the main rotor go to slow that's why the low RPM horn comes on which is just an Ozzy any sound if you let it go to low that when if we get to a point where it's spinning to slowly no matter how fast you drop you can't get it going again fast enough to Creighton you're basically at that point you're in something that's no longer able to fly your instructors Skylar I didn't know that they have to redo those things out of miles they always yeah yeah well they have like there's all this maintenance along the way we maintained because I'm sure you noticed if you read the comments all people talk about is dying and Aviation is like

that's how entertainers died it's like no it isn't they overdose if you really look at the graph there on the ground completely safe overdose car accidents this it's just like that's mainly how you died again amount of people that are up there every day and there's nothing happens it's it's you know but there is a fly in the ointment is that there is there are particularly at the private level there are Knuckleheads out there like this people would like I think every time I get it I'm always thinking like am I going to die I don't want to die today so I I I go over all the whole bunch of shit and you know special going to fly solo on the whole flight I have all my options on you know where I could land you know if I had a problem if that's what you're supposed to do I look at weather reports I do all of that shit and what happens is guys get more and more confident and their pre-flight is it

it's pretty clear go out there and bye-bye waterfalls and shit and it's

those are the people that you don't you supposed to fly there's like two envelopes you supposed to fly within the envelope of what you're flying and then you know your skill-set so you don't fly in this shit this if it's too windy or whatever if I could handle it I'm not going to fun up there without just you know what it wants to do and don't fight it and thank you for all you do slow down you know but you know it's it's the elements of that but like if you look up their vs. what's going on down below you fly or drive on the highway it's like you're flying in formation during the Blue Angels with the with nobody talking to anybody have no idea what anybody's going to do people are texting their on medication their Falcon hungover this the fuck they do what you got to look out for the guy splitting Lanes in the motorcycles and shit it's pretty amazing how few accidents are actually are

rap saying you're not safe cuz they look at the amount of crashes that they've had but it's it's it's because it's a helicopter you can afford so it's inherently a low hour pilot and if you look at it it's most of the time it's not it's not the the helicopter it's the it's the person flying it which is why you really have to be on it like you you can't it's just not something explaining it's just your level of enjoyment is way higher if you're if you're riding it you don't make sure the person the whole time you have your life in other people's lives in hand so that you're not really looking get out no one where the wires are and where the road is in cuz that's all fucking tree so it's going to be the road so there's those you know when you kind of going around a bend in this certainly

altitude and stuff just it's it's boring but it's just stuff that you're you're always thinking that you know I imagined like when you fight this at you know I know it's a lot of it so I can stick this stuff with this these things that you just don't do you know about 5 I was hurting boxing to leave with an uppercut that Justice just fucking things you don't think she a lot of guys like when they go to take off they do this fucking thing with the nose down I was taught not to do that cuz they do that cuz it looks cool I don't know why they do it supposed to supposed to keep it level so that way if you have a problem you know you're already in use the right attitude to just immediately enter enter and auto like now if I if I'm fucking nose down if I'm too far out of the ground that's going to fucking go right into the ground I don't know but I mean I still like totally a novice I'm I'm coming up on two hundred hours so I don't know a lot but I'm super super super super fucking cautious and make sure I don't go too long without doing auto rotation

I used to hate them and now I actually really like them it was sort of the way it was explained to me I didn't get it until one day I just thought about it and then I got it and I was able to lock into it cuz it's it's the same inputs if you were going in for a landing but they broke it down to like four steps like it was look at your trim strings are spirits was a trench to trim AirSpeed RPMs and just fucking doing all of this and the reality is is just like it's the right pedal it's all the same import if you were going in for a landing so I'll do that and then I'm locked into it and then I'm just watching my when I can just watch my RPMs and that's why I kind of know where I'm entering which basically means. Like cramping and you kind of going straight and then you can kind of like pick out your spot and then it becomes fun as what schools you can do like 180 Autos you can turn around and what I do

like about it is when you come down to the ground you can bleed off all of your AirSpeed that's Forward Motion that's going to fucking kill you and as long as you don't fuk up and flare and go back up and then drop like at you know yeah it's kind of like a hockey stop is the way it was described to me just level it out and ready to go to drop the pole like that and these guys landham like daisies and stuff it's it's really amazing I'm not as good as that but like I I will do it when I get out worst case scenario I might get a little bit of a bump but I'm going to be alright so I'll talk about What You're Made Of lead I still think I did a lot of shit I need to learn about staying up so as long as you go into things like that you know it's really difficult to learn don't you think that that's good for your brain

a big believer in constantly learning it's why I like you as a person cuz you're constantly like you're not the Joe I knew three years ago in a good way you like you even learn all of this you know I first met you you weren't hunting

you were in the marsh that was sent you a you with you with two dimensional which was amazing Taekwondo Champion stand-up guy like a guess that you have on the fact that you're able to like talk to when stuff is because you've continued to you know it's like eight years but I was going to present its goes by and see you just stuck in time so I also believe in playing cards card games of stuff is good for y'all and in the shit on video game on kids the other hand eye coordination is like an saying I guess if you some of those I guess I don't know just how often do you really use your thumb

detailed ways very rarely but kids today dexterity Grand Theft Auto. Which is about two thousand three 2002 or something I just thought they were just too amazing and I was just like I am nowhere in my career right now and this is just rude I was walking around New York at the time and I would stop playing the game and I would be walking down the streets thinking about it like what I kept walking to the subway in oh like not thinking about jokes thinking how I could beat this next level and I played this medal of honor game they had this thing when you hit the sniper button like the scope of go like that and actually go like that and I got played it one day of one week so much that when I walked out on the street I was looking people cross the street doing like that a text just like I already am not the brightest when it comes to like school and shit so it's just like I was like this is doing something to my brain so I kind of doubt

okay Mom when I just unplugged everything but really quickly took everything off cuz I knew I was never going to figure it out and I didn't have any instructions anymore I just stuck and I did the same thing with video games with Quake II had a real problem when I was playing 8 hours a day 10 hours a day sometimes I had a T1 line installed in my house just so I can play with a faster internet connection this is like 1998 I mean it was slow in that where I was so I said well what's the options and so one option as they chew up the street and put this fucking crazy fat business line cost me a shitload of money and I was like let's do it so why it's a fucking business and I would play video games online all the time and people for the last 20 years we have teams of guys like me and three of my friends

play against four other guys and we'd like meat in a certain server and you know you could chat talk to each other are you ready to go all right let's go 3 2 1 go and then you know what the game will start in and then we can have these matches it was fun man was really fun it was really exciting too because it's all happening in real-time but I reached a point somewhere around like the year 2000 where I'm I know one day I played until it was sunlight until the sun came up and you know I'm fucking 30 years old and I'm sitting there my hands are sweating I'm all fucking caffeinated up a drinking Mountain Dew for the past 8 hours and I really like what am I doing you know I'm not where I want to be as a comic I'm not where I want to be with my life and I'm just sitting here playing video games all time and there's no future in his future before I know what that is I felt like that was fighting I was when I was 21 there was a

point in time where I was like there's no future to keep getting hit in the head and I'm going to get dumber and more brain damage and more crazy dangerous and I realize I'm not going to stop and then I got there with pool a pool too much he's like I think it actually is like I think that you seriously think about pool more than you do your career and I respect him and he's a very good friend of mine so I had a really really pot I didn't you know I didn't take it lightly I had to take a deep breath and I'm like fuck he's right all right all the time was playing every day I have a real addictive personality so I get like I like how many hours I want to get flying and then like things I want to learn playing drums and stuff and then it becomes I I've had to learn to be like Bill these are Hobbies yes yes okay then you're a comedian

let's prioritize The World Isn't waiting for you to know how to play Good Times bad times sit back a little bit but the fact that you're doing that kind of stuff I think is great I love I've got really identify with you in a while so when I do that will you get fucking crazy about drums are you crazy bout helicopter I got to learn all about everything came out here I got into old cars and then all the sudden I was watching this guy Eric the Car Guy I found him a Most Fascinating because he would work on like cars of today will you just open the hood it's like what is everything in weather for how do you get it and he's just taking off all this plastic shit and just digging all the way down and he's just like you know if you can't remember this video tape it just remember how it all goes together what the hell he was changing but he had to take the whole fucking front end of this car off to change something that I used to be able to change on like my fucking 83 Ford Ranger I know that I know you talking about

fucking everything and I would just sit there I watched all of that I watched all the way back to people rebuilding like flathead V8 and what made it a flathead and I never going to electrical that we seem like magic to me like I never scared like oh you touch it you get fucking electrocuted like like somebody rebuild an engine like this from the bottom to the top and it just wasn't a lotta

stuff right it was like the crankshaft and then it was the shit that held on the Pistons you put the drop the Pistons in and that the asean take the big thing of valves Sigma gapping the valves that seem like a man if you fuck that up this thing isn't going to run right and and just know that the firing thing and I got into like torque wrenches and I learned how to change brakes on like a like old-school like shoe brakes and stuff like that I got all the right wrenches and all that I don't know how to adjust am I know where you do this little slit in the back of the wheel and I thought you just put them close to It just fits right up against the drum you supposed to put them on I got totally into fucking brakes for a while I tried to rebuild a carburetor failed miserably cuz I was really old and I took off to me apart she was like warped and shit so the truck now for Black is Black

Amazon made I look up the VIN number it was actually made in Canada crazy in that on March of 68 I want to say Toronto or something like that like that I guess they had a a factory up there or whatever is on March of 1968 that thing rolled off and I think it's spent most of it's life down south like in Georgia and I did Chris Titus was the one who helped me with that he put I did once I need to do the other but he did the other but he showed me I was just doing what he told me to do so I had all drum brakes and I wanted to keep it all original but you know people with pulling out in front of me like I had disc brakes and it was fucking hilarious when I only had drum brakes I locked him up one time in front of a bunch of Millennials and they've never heard that sound

fucking in the office they all went like that and all I was doing I just you know the light turned Yellow fast the yellow lights are out here I was kind of an East Coast mindset I can make this a kind of what a little sideways and then I was fucking hilarious is like this Outdoor Cafe and they all looked over and then I just had to fuking sit there

Artie Lange movie when he fucking Moon the moon's the crowd of the guy gets out and just leave them there is a guy who's supposed to keep going like that's what I felt embarrassed I thought he waved and said sorry those brakes are terrible it's amazing nobody died or more people didn't die rather those brakes I say a 1970 Barracuda that have those kind of breaks 71 nose in high school and you hit the brakes and it would just skid mean there is everything locked up brakes when the greatest inventions Ms know I used to drive my truck before I power steering I got put power steering in an air conditioning it was just so just basically a farm truck and it was like no power steering after I think that's cool and I used I got stuck in the teeth of the earth one night like the fucking you know traffic I would say it's stuck it out

Santa Monica driving over to the fucking Laugh Factory and I literally by the time I got to the Laugh Factory I was like tired but just like shifting and when you're at a dead stop and you just turning the fucking wave that is his giant steering wheel to give you like Leverage that's why the fuck is so big and I was just like oh my God I like my triceps will be burning not in the best shape but I'm just saying it's like I got to make my life a little easier when you have my little car that little red car that I have that doesn't have any power steering and when I when I turned that thing that car is so light time his fucking hard to turn though like when I have to pull into the parking lot of The Comedy Store and I have to back it up so that I could get out of there quick it's a pain in the dick it's hard for Five Points yeah I wonder if back in the day cuz those those original cars they had those little skinny bike tires on it it would be easier just easier to turn in this is it got like heavier and and wider

Corvette has modern suspension on the 65 Corvette and has really taken off it's like walking horrible horrible if you get a form workout just driving around bouncing around who's too much I had to change it back to do something about the idea that you could fix it you could go in there and with a good book or a good video you can actually fix it you know I know a lot of guys with fix things I know guys have changed their transmission have gone in there and to swap a transmission out for a new one called 8-balls to take it apart and then the patients

like you got to ask for help in like I just found like it was just like and like I I need what tool I don't have been fucking tools and you have to order it was really frustrating and that was a quick sort of like rabbit hole I went down so I like now that I can understand how the whole thing comes together but like yeah I guess I get back to the whole time he's got a great video that you would love and it's on petrol Licious and it's the videos called I think it's called a one-car for everything that is this guy he's a fiction writer read screenplays inch it never worked on the car in his wife decided you want to buy an old Porsche so you bought like a 1971 Porsche and didn't know Jack schitt about cars so he starts learning one called car to do it all that's it so this guy

put together this car and then starts working on it and then takes his fucking garage and turns his garage until I can professional workspace digs a hole in the ground puts a lift in in the Floor of his garage like the blaze cement does everything Sky married doesn't seem like you're I didn't seem like this is the kind of beautiful car look at that thing I'd love those old and that's you know my little car is 71 late 70s the flat Hood the the long Hood models are like 60 860-768-2873 because this is a guy that didn't have any background if that's his fucking grouchy built all this he built the whole garage and he just decided

look I just slowly get into it and understand it and he has different Arrow like she got giant winged that's arrow that he puts on only when he's at the racetrack so we can unbolt it and do it he uses his car for everything uses car to go get groceries and drive back in it and that's that's that looks like a fucking beautiful car those cars are sold in 2000 for sale right now the rsr from that era had to find out fenders yeah and fat rear tires because the engines in the back and those things snap around when you taking turns because the balance is way off like the engine is hanging out behind the rear wheels it's not a mid-engine cars are rear engine car which is extremely rare only Porsche and so you get something called lift throttle oversteer when you're in at turn the pedal on you have to keep the gas going when you're in

shut off the turn where is pops out you get over steer you spin circle widow-makers because the way they used to have those old cars least I have those really shity tires like that like he's got a new modern compound tires on that thing so probably sticks Like Glue but the old tires were dogshit there was a terrible so you have the super powerful engine is a weird dynamic swear the engines hanging out behind the axle and I never thought about that. It's so much fun to drive to so much fun it is so engaging I love taking it to the store because by the time I get to the store like my brain's fire inside Poppin cuz I've been shifted and where it's all mechanical waves are cooled the modern carga Tesla's way faster than it is but it's what it is is a live it's like me to get feel the gear shift in put that sucker in a second

visceral you know I drove a buddies Tesla one time I was fucking ridiculous blood rushing to the back and he just had the one motor and every guy I know that has Tesla should say they all got invited to the factory when they they got the motor on the front wheel and the back wheel and all of them said no to that car going to die would fucking die if I got that this is like almost like Superbike motorcycle fast yeah racing motorcycle level fast is 0 to 60 in like to point something seconds and then they have that new one that Roadster that's coming out that's one point something seconds one point something second 0 to 60

yeah you're right you're in a missile way to put it like God forbid somebody's foot slipped off the brake on the gas I'm going to obliterate a Street full of people that's fucking crazy it's bad enough somebody that's been on a bike you can do that on a car with all that weight nose test was a heavy is shit cuz of that battery I guess which I didn't really think I would think cuz there was no powertrain or anything that it would be lighter but I guess that battery is like super happy for I shouldn't they don't make any noise which is even weirder yes I got a new one isn't the Roadster was he the Roadster Tesla's new emissions testing mode will produce loud nasty farts on demand it makes fart at a fart at this week oh that's so ridiculous it's got seven different parts

six different fart sounds No One automatic different buttons like a turn signal and so it makes sounds and it makes smell to the sound stupid

when is the Ben February 19th at the New York City Center and when we got here shut off my damn phone we got Michelle wolf Michelle Wie Jim Gaffigan forget myself Rich boss Gary gulman Chris Redd that's a far from House of wine and all proceeds go to his family and it's been such a great thing like his

you know his mom's been able to get a condo and everything just told cuz he was taking we basically with that thing we take care of everybody that he was taken care of cuz you know you know the mission was basically all of his family should have to deal with his degree Bryant you know I've always think that that's enough in in the reason why we continue to do whatever year is because his family members are still you know I live and I was headed out when somebody died in to say we do one time sack of money trying to make this last for the next 30 to 60 years of your lives you know and and then also because you know he was the best stand-up that I ever saw live and just keeping his name you know what I always think that when any time somebody sent you one of the top of blah blah blah blah and I was like well you know what the trees and Hedberg and all of these fucking got to Freddy soda what he would have done yes Freddy I was just seeing her that when you said that that maybe we should do one of those for Freddy's family

it was like it was like yeah he would like hurt the crowd was like he was a good guy to have a good dude I called everybody last time I saw him we were working in the Aspen Comedy Festival I didn't seem the last couple years we were kind in the same group you know group group a or whatever so yeah he was walking around buying something for his wife for as kid or something like that that one out of all of me was when I was a sleep apnea apparently sleep apnea and pills to go to sleep you know I take Ambien if you have sleep apnea lock up and you just stop breathing

sleep apnea is a real fucking problem I have it I took a mouthpiece to put a mouthpiece in at night when I go to sleep it keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat

a lot of athletes have it the bigger your neck gets the more muscle tissue you have in your neck the more closes off your ear hole when you go to sleep like this lot of meat in there. Football player 20 what are you tied to the side of your fucking head when he's a side effect of working out just get a big neck that is what it is for real like you bought someone to death is still strangling it but it helps a lot that you can get ahold of a regular neck regular next just comply they just giving it please call your next special regular neck

I guarantee no one's going to try it accidentally take that title regular neck Regular Joe Rogan tell me you were doing are you saying you going to do your next one independent you going to do it independent exploring all options in all of that I'm trying I was trying to figure out a way to you know cuz it's just a ton of specials out there was just trying to figure out a way but I mean you know so I'm dumb do I'm do I am I do I don't know I don't know I got it's it's what it is is the special is changed since you and I started our special was special now what it is it's just kind of an hour-long advertisement letting people know that you're still out there and it's like this just doesn't say the documents your stuff though

what does just such a sheer amount of

stuff to see to have like an impact the way like I was trying to think maybe the last one that really was just like I would say would be like maybe Dave Chappelle Killin Them Softly certainly Chris Rock bring the pain where it was just like you know I'm not saying they weren't ones that like like people talked about but like just that thing we're like kids it was just like you know Friday hey man see you on Monday and then somehow on Monday everybody saw Delirious or everybody saw a dice or everybody saw Sam Kinison on the the the Dangerfield think it was just like no one was talking about it and then just like there was only so many channels and that thing just caught enough people's eyes and you came to school Monday and everyone was just talking about it like

yeah I'm I'm still getting fucking tweets from people saying hey I finally got around to watching Breaking Bad you could have said spoiler alert how much time do I have to give you to watch it you know so my buddy is his son the number one thing that he don't eat he watches is he on his phone he's watching one of these guys that gets paid to play video games he watches this guy on his phone play video games everybody, so now that's another thing to watch The Car Guy and all that trying to trying to find like where you can drop the pamphlets of your career basically to be like

is definitely more content now than ever before but for in terms of like the amount of standard that's available there's never been more great stand-up available to watch but it's fucking crazy it's so they're not really specials specials used to be the top comics now it was basically the top white male Comics so the fact that they fix that is a great thing but now to tell me Chris Rock Dave Chappelle Damon Wayans there was a lot of things up stairs Apaches this other people out there doing stand-up

it's just everybody it's everybody so like I was changing a club and the feature Act was complaining that he didn't get a half hour special on one of these networks and I'm thinking like you're a feature act like what are you what are you going to do to do your whole act and you're still a feature and you want a document that and it's just like I used to get about half hour specials when I started out and it was to like guys who'd been on the road for like 15 years and they will pick in from they're headlining hour

they will take an half of that like the best bits from an hour and then you know and that somehow through time just became a feature going up and doing this whole act special day of big J did one Joey Diaz did Juan Christina pazsitzky did one it's changed since my last special that I put out my last advertisement that I put out an hour-long advertising so what you just try to figure out because everything's just fucking changing so fast you just trying to navigate at where can I put this in all of this right that it's going to Blink enough that someone's going to stare at it maybe like watch the thing I just noticed your fucking lights with the sky that's pretty cool

sure that was a company that makes holes octo Lights Shadow the Octo light

Gaffigan did an interesting thing you decided not to put his newest one on Netflix he puts it on everything it's on Hulu and Amazon you get it on iTunes but not Netflix he's a smart guy but he just took a chance I guess you know just decided to see what happens if you just make it available everywhere instead yeah I talked to him see how successful That was cuz I'm still working out Maestra I'll talk to you off everybody cuz I don't want cuz it if ability to you know make something happen so I'll I'll tell you what my idea was but I got next

I thought about doing it just put it right on YouTube I thought about doing that for not getting paid for it just shoving it right on YouTube to see what happens just paying for it just sticking it out there because if it is an advertisement what's the best way to get it out the best way we just to be to put it on YouTube and then two segments it until like little chunks so that people can't digest it and people wind up doing that I don't think Netflix takes them down I think when you have bits up that like from specials that they go up on Netflix I think Netflix just lets him stay out just depends on what your

what your contract is as you can work that in we did a special with Paul virzi all things coming up what we did a special with him which was did phenomenal like broke all their online streaming records and it was great because he was a guy that they don't really give special to his right right now in the streaming version was really successful right that's just how it works which is now if you watch live NFL games they had this thing now where the games going on and all the sudden the game slides to the left and then there's two boxes in the advertising boxes bigger because they know that everybody's taping games and they're blowing through it and advertisers some how can tell if someone fast forward it through and then that they the NFL doesn't make as much money so now they're they're running

like this is where they think these two things he don't really have to look at the commercial you can just sit there looking at the game but then they're telling you about fucking whatever at the same time yeah it's weird it's gross

it's gross but is it I mean that's how you know I didn't want to know if advertising it's like my mind what's gross is is how your what you know if you're dumping shit in the water supply if you got like all kinds of like you know I mean I think they all have some sort of Labor fucking issues and I like to give you for each game to see that they will advertise with do is their pockets are deeper and they got their going to go back there going to fight like what's funny is when the internet started out all of a sudden you just you went from watching seeing all these commercials to like nothing to now seeing way more than you ever saw like my channel on YouTube video and then all the sudden it just stops

they try to make make a nice break and then you just watch this and it annoys me but I'm like why do advertising my podcast how upset about this can I get

you know I don't want to see you when you look at the line and he seemed a little yellow lines on the YouTube video we know that's what the fuck is going to pop up now I didn't know that yeah I mean advertising is what it is mean it's either that or you do like a patreon type deal when you have people contribute like Sam Harris says that there's a million ways to do it but like I don't get mad at advertise it because I said a stand-up specials me advertising then I'm going to be out on the road can you say that but it's not it's entertainment it's for people that watch it like to do advertising entertain like way back those less filling tastes great Bud Light, Miller Lite commercial for fucking great money at least I did self

funny dissing funny commercial still Insurance Agency at one point in time cuz he apparently likes writing stuff like that and it was literally thinking about advertising advertising make me feel normal collecting like when I went to jail in those places got 11 buildings filled with cars and okay see where this goes yes traffic jam on the he could fill up the 405 one side of it I would think he can fill up the Pasadena Rose Bowl he can fill up the fucking parking lot it's ridiculous I'll take you want to go yeah but does he have more

cars the days of the year like motorcycles was it Jay's garage garage. Richard wrong with you I just got an email yesterday he has to go to that cuz he always like I watch that show so much I knew the number was going to come at but they'd be like five grand

I can't I mean I mean I could do

I do like 2,700 right and then the fucking guy would then go down to four grand and he would come up like three hundred bucks so one time he went out and bust this guy down on like a Trans Am a Firebird or some shit I forget what the guy sells it to him for like fucking he wanted like 18 Grand of somebody sold it to him for like 11

so you fucking gets the car over there he's talking always going to do about with it and all the sudden the guy's brother calls up and says hey that guy didn't have the fucking right to sell that car that's also mine you got to know I'm going to come down and got I got to buy it back to me so the guy comes down and he's you know ask him what he wants for in breeches just lie I mean I was thinking like 20 and the guy goes my brother I know what you paid for yes I got the bear watching that show that you get better at like negotiating and like he does like these sketches to where he will do like a character imitating like an old-school used car salesman and you just how good he does it

cuz you know it's like he's a performer and activating how good he doesn't like this guy is like this is just in his blood he's just been a car guy he's been flipping cars I'm trying to be seen the show in a minute but like he used to talk about how he you know by the time he was like 19 he was on like his 30th car or something like it was just like those cars that do something about those shows that those and auction shows or anytime like Pawn Shop shows there's something about wanting to know how the deal plays out you know that is so compelling for people to something like it and I'm a moron I just sit there staring like how much they going to get it for that I do that Civil War coins is a bus at Richard's probably the best I've seen

man I don't know how to make a funny way or whatever but it's a funny thing how appealing that is two men have you looked at the number of women who watch those car shows versus the number of Motor Trend has a channel now they're their own channel and complaining like if you look at the actual numbers like what is it about cars like girls can drive cars girls drive cars all the time girls like cars they don't like cars with guys like ours it just most of them outside like Danica Patrick a few psychos I met her one time

like you know where they have the leaderboard everything was iconic I've been to that race a couple of times so it was crazy as we going like half the speed of what the car how fast they would be going or something and we got to maybe like 1:40 but what I loved about her

was she had like test pilot Vibe like she came up and was just vice-like handshake and shit Beast yeah it was pretty she was just totally like that look different to her sunglasses in my sunglasses I definitely would buy a passenger sunglasses you know what he's talking about they look the same shelf what's wrong with your sunglasses are so hers. You'll see it there is a crescent shape has one of the rarest kicks has anybody ever pulls off ever after a while just all becomes like she'll be in the mountains

and when the car came out it was like 20 grand I mean not even but I like what I like and I want to get the a 76 GMC RV that's what I want to go on the road with have the same as cutting was called palm Palm Desert green or something like that affect us total Ron Burgundy if you get ahead of its time its time to look at that piece of shit Mendes

what are you give a fuck on the road forever and it's making eggs on that little stove top you watching Goodfellas a fucking Anchorman that is pretty beautiful it's so it's an experience to your riding that thing your that's a retro experience that's not just hopped truck that thing I keep it I don't need it seems right my wife's always right. Always women don't like when you collect yet like where you going to put that they don't like that get you anything that's the reason why I got this place

collection here the spot is nothing I figured it out get up early keeping such a jerk

that's why I don't have a point I don't actually I can actually refute your opinion your point or whatever it's so Universal to all women of that response I can fuck is wrong with you that way or the highway that's it well imagine being them watching you back to being a woman have taken care of children you know you give birth to get this little tiny infant and financially you're relying on this fucking Maniac. They're flying helicopter isn't fixing cars and I know playing drums all day so they can't say anything but they like what the fuck are you doing at your old house

comedian Jesus Christ you like we not drug addicts

yeah no I'm I'm I got to I got to work on myself man I got a fucking you know I I just I am a difficult person to to live with evidently I didn't realize it but I am now looking at it honestly stepping back and look again yeah I can see that and see that I'm definitely difficult yeah I was just imagine relying on me I mean I'm reliable like I'm not I want to be a responsible the same thing it out and if we would be in a studio apartment is a dildo

yeah

yeah yeah. Just fucking off never got your shit together to is their ability to move on how quickly all my clothes will be at down at the Goodwill you know and she didn't want me like you don't sell the house that's just burn some Sage that was interesting all right well all my discussions with biologists and people who study guide sads what is his discipline behavioral psychology but he studies that you know his phone s a a d g a d that's his first name Gad saat is his last name is it also Rhymes Canadian evolutionary behavioral side just brilliant, he was so many question

he's a great guy so he needs you to stared into it he's a great guy brilliant when he's talking about

dad said he'll decide means the same thing over there you know different languages Rhymes there's no country you can be on you can be on that fucking little island with a shot that guy with the arrows and they going to make fun of you surviving kick you off the island like somebody celebrity seven fucking names they name their kids it's just like don't you remember school if you don't remember how fucking mean kids were why are you giving up your plate painting a fucking buy cat at your creative have a meditation room fucking don't do that with the name give my nice Bill name William this is folding chair Johnson

people need to express themselves they do it through the naming of the children my other favorite thing to do is when they fucking they they put their political agenda on them like the kid doesn't even have a fucking chance like this whole thing like gender roles babies by the way that my little experience being a dad going to kid birthday parties they there's kids are not old enough for that behavior to be learned the kids come the boy show up at his fucking Braveheart they come over the fucking Hill the girls are social that's the kind of the taking things in kids boys coming on Saturday

and it was just this kid is hilarious he looks like a little Bobby Hurley's a point guard right he was playing this game ad like this ball and he's using his is is like forms as a bat and he was hit in throat between us like $61 as it gets kids hand-eye coordination was great for his age so over the corner where I was sitting with my daughter was like little like sort of like cushions if somebody put together like 3-piece thing and made it into like a little chair force on an old person like me could sit down so I stood up cuz I was worried about was going to hit those kind of garden that so he went over and got the ball one point and just seeing the chair there you know all built like that he just saw it just kicked it destroyed it and then continued on a second why did he do that

his boy he's a boy yeah we like ruin shit what you got a lot of energy little kids like need something to do that's physical Their little bodies have the little little batteries over phone with energy was all about like grabbing throwing breaking breaking the whole thing of like like what women aren't aggressive like that because you know assault standards are aggressive in but I think that they just survival shit they Lookin Like all right that's what I have to compete with in there are you see them looking at the boys who appear to be dominating and what they are is there actually showing all of their cards and a little girls are already taken and in breaking them down knowing will I can't get physical with this person I can't like dominate this person physically this is definitely an end they just immediately stuck only

I think

Volusia somewhere that I don't necessarily think they're smarter I think what's going on is that men have we have different DNA and genes are aggressive man was supposed to be doing right cereal commercials in this I just think that's that's just some bullshit that adults, came up with and massages adults it's almost always women it's women think there's something wrong with the way men are raising their sons they think there's something that this idea of these men raising these kids these kid being aggressive is because the way they've been coached that's not true just dance just that part of being a boy there's a but shit ton of studies that people want to actually look at a science me if you leave boys alone with toys and girls alone with toys boys of gravitate towards trucks and fucking

things that they can hit and smash and girl sit down there with little T cops and they play with dolls it's natural just 100% natural is our gender-neutral the raising their kids gender-neutral so they don't call them a boy or a girl wants to talking at once the parents approval yeah I didn't want that football I guess I wanted the dress and it's just like like I said my kids barely to so what the fuck do I know I'm just saying my limited experience at kids birthday parties is it's not even how it was ever even question

that like that too fucking to Young the fucking year-and-a-half to two years old like these are telling me that Society has already it's usually women that want to push this and men who are bitches it's like these these men that don't like other Wars they don't like manly man and so they they push it as well it's not aggressive like they're controlling and they're all about I'll make this more inclusive it's like no lettuce in so we can take it over and then we'll push you down is is the psychology of the kind of person that goes after that someone that's after like power I'm not saying the average woman is like that my wife is a feminist and cheese into like inclusive shit but like people who are spearheading stuff like those people are wired the same way like you know I mean I don't know

satyress yes no room

it's going to be like think the way I got a lot of it that so-called progressives extreme left is think the way we think say what we say or we will fucking destroy you pull up that tweet that I retweeted today to pack and retweet liberal-progressive guy this woman posts on Twitter to never vote for a man or a white a white man or white person white white someone is white or male he says that's racist and sexist it is so she blocks him on Twitter today she called Boston College demanding that they not have him back as adjunct faculty

crazy to this woman post this

and he points out that it's racist and sexist so she blocks and she tries to get him fired OK did this is why that whole thing is fucked up okay because he's acting like white people exist on an even plane which is what a lot of people try to do so it's like he's not necessarily just saying that what she's saying is racist and sexist cuz she's determining which is going to vote for Basin Tire on the race like the level that white people not saying all white people but white people have fucked over people who are not white forget about poor white people who they fucked over so you understand that but the heat they're both right but then like the fact that she then takes it to the point that because he had the audacity to have a difference of an opinion that that's the thing on that now we're going to destroy you and you can't be on this thing and then the other level of that is how the corporate entities are so afraid that one fucking nickel is going to roll out the door all of this shit is you just a paper tiger until you get

big Behemoth to listen to you and this all of these these fucking things from award shows to this bullshit that someone just needs to be like listen this guy already apologized this is this is an old fucking thanks or look you just had a difference of opinion that this isn't the first time you're going to say something in somebody's going to disagree with you that doesn't mean that this guy can't come back you know and you obviously cuz of some shit that's happened to you have an extreme opinion about this guy because of the color of his skin is like this so many fucked-up elements to that that but for some reason you can't like if you would dress that on any level then you're part of the problem and then just part of the problem is she's trying to get fired she trying to get him fired for pointing out that something is racist if you say what I just sent try to look at it 360 as much as I love South Park is everything that they do they do it 3:16 right

so I show by the way they look at stuff like that cuz I know everything but even just to try to be like I can't fucking do that anymore cuz since you are part of the fucking problem and now it's like I've seen what I've seen like you know a tweet from out fellow comic telling Comics what jokes you shouldn't talk about this topic it's like a who the fuck are you was like this already be enough people doing that you can do like cannibalism now in comics

yeah that's ridiculous, they just have an opinion I don't agree with off

try to have less complications in my life here as crazy as this bullying like she's trying to get him fired try to get him fired for having an opinion on something that she publicly stated one of these somebody running one of these things has to be like you know it can't just be private it has to be a public tweet could say that this is just going too far in this fucking thing where you have a difference if an opinion now and they're just going to you know take your fucking job you know I ran into this shit you know you know when the meat to stuff first start coming up people would try to like you know you know you had to tweet the right fucking thing and if it if you said anything so I don't know it's let's look at the evidence God forbid you fucking said that it's just became like this whole you're part of the problem and they would try to take you down or someone you were friends with a doing a show with a represent

they wish they would try to do like that pressure

2 Triana and it was just like you know I had to say is like no I'm not doing that and then it just goes away cuz you want to fucking leg to stand on the people that are doing it it's a small percentage of small unbelievably small and it's like we're literally running for office wear out there campaigning for the selection that never happens and you going to Red States blue States you going to fucking in the general consensus of people is like like dude that was fucking crazy like that that doesn't make sense but no one wants to say it because they're going to get steamrolled Matt Damon Matt Damon said we have to make a differentiation between the Harvey Weinstein's in the world and then someone who'd you know because he's I'm sorry goes on a bad day there's a big difference between those two and they attacked them they try to get them pulled off of that movie Ocean's 8 acting like that like killing somebody versus stealing a car versus jaywalking like literally the whole

social system is based on what you did is your punishment your parents do that exactly

in the way that I say that what he said you know affected me how I heard it and then I was a white male you literally sound like what the fuck you're against and it's it's a it's not going to last and I feel like it's like the end of the winter and people want to go outside and get some sun in their face and you didn't like no no like

taking people by the back of their fucking neck and fucking shoving their face in the ship it did that you can't sustain that no cancel it doesn't because you don't get people to change by yelling at them doesn't work or like what the fuc understand psychology so what they think is this is their time this is their time to get back at man is there time to yell at man is it time to where the future is feminine t-shirts is it time to take their stand and they looked at did you not see the women's March saw a bunch of people walking but listen I'm not saying the points that they're making don't need to be made I'm not saying that their complaints are not just it's it's the execution of its where it's like you're going to go through intimidation and destroying people like exactly people's careers in people you have to publicly apologize

play itself it's like the billion people yes please right now I can't believe it cuz I'm a lefty are on my side of the fucking fence and you know when someone's on your side of the fence and you're looking at him like you sound like a fucking crazy person that's when you've entered like a special strange. It is strange because it's it's they feel like they're Justified because they feel like with a maniac like Trump in the office if they do have to do what they have to do to change the world but you don't change the world by yelling at people doesn't work that way and there's this real points to be made is real points about I couldn't imagine being a woman working in an office with a bunch of guys trying to fuck you all the time it's got to be a goddamn nightmare I can't imagine having a bunch of bosses that literally tell you suck my dick I'll give you a raise that happens

a tan up to deal with that every day I mean let's be fucking on a see what I mean this really does really a lot got a nice ass

just say you know it's just like some of that shit is like fucking Udo

and it's it's there I always viewed it like like every watch like the behind the scenes of like a prison in the first thing every guy thinks is high how the fuck would I not get raped in their right just just fucking walking down the street so that's how I wrap my head around to be like wow okay like what they saying is like cuz I I don't like

like a lot of the arguments I might like that doesn't make sense it's what doesn't make sense to me is the Children of the Corn torches burning and just

the way that this just statement is a lot of people think they do that with like our foreign policy like this whole fucking thing is bankrupted this country every August now that you shut down the government which is just become normal and all they do is to make it like okay as they just raise the level of debt that we legally can take on or whatever and it's all right let's do this for another year and if you question any of that that means you don't support the troops and you're a fucking piece of shit you need to get the fuck out of here and it's like so much stuff doesn't make sense to me like I just saw Michelle Obama they had this fucking tweet of her wearing these glitter thigh high boots and said sets Twitter on fire with her $4,000 fucking boots and it's just like

get out digital question where she got that money

the president makes $500 a year she booth for Grand of thigh high boots during the talk to me about the fucking book deal and all of that shift that fucking got his first like to know

public speaking engagement would like with major Banks and you go out on the road and not get punished in 2008 they all she talked about like people who should have that fucking lies burned down those people and these guys did Baron de have their faces in the same fucking pig trough it's the guys with the red ties and for whatever reason

like I don't and I don't know why like they get a pass doesn't make any sense how many more innocent civilians were killed with drone strikes during Obama's administration simplistic ways of how to get the fuck out of there how do you do it I mean I'm not saying the air would be cleaner cuz I don't know what like when you throw a Tesla battery into the fucking ocean what that does to and I'm sure it's fucking horrible but I know that there are One Stop Shop over there in the Middle East that they got oil and that's it I was compare them member that kiosk in like the South Shore Plaza in Boston there was a something was a place called Wicks and sticks all they did was so candles

I was just saying like a really vulnerable business or pewter pot but first they just sold muffins and then they started doing for breakfast as well did like a pewter pot that just selling muffins so if we stop by and buffets oil here if we switch to solar powered I'll let you know the windmills are ugly and I know it's probably just as much fucking bad on the environment but what it does is get you out of there in a bankrupt and then they don't have the money to funnel through the Mouse tutu to fund the terrorists we have a lot of oil but if you ever suggested that which I think I just did I think then for some reason I don't love my country and like I'm trying to solve it I'm a Frugal guy

you know I don't fucking you know I don't spend beyond my means and you don't I don't like debt in that type of shit I don't know how the fuck these guys I think that's why the president ages so much then I'm going to sleep the pressure imagine the dead bodies everything all of that how everything really works doesn't seem to matter all Keeps On Truckin he doesn't seem like he's all the scandals that guy seems complete he's a certain level sick mentally that it does doesn't get doesn't get it I mean it's because he hasn't aged at all he's got all that white stuff around his eyes and tell tale sign but I agree can only presents that you know it's like it's probably from a doll like who knows where that has

I think you see what happens when it flies up in the back when the wind hits it the backs are bald because he probably did the original plugs and I didn't take who knows what he's got going on back there he's got chaos going on back there ever seen it. It looks like he's a guy wearing a demon mask if he gets a second term many shaves his head that would be nuts and he would just look like the most evil fucking do whatever like that would be like the other second term shaved his head starts when intermittent fasting lifting weights gets on steroids drop down about a buck 90 jacked

yeah I mean that was I think it's definitely I don't ask why I'm trying to just in my own little fucking world I'm trying to chill out more and I'm trying not to fucking this just this enough yell and I don't think that they needed from me now but signor mocking and laughing then yelling for sure but when you see enough of those the future is feminine t-shirts and you see enough hypocrisy and you see enough people trying to take people out for commenting on what sexist and racist and trying to get people fired like it's a time of outrage across the board and you have to respond a little bit you have to let people know hey this is fucking ridiculous like there is there's a certain obligation especially comedians have as a social commentator you see some stupid shit if you're not commenting on it there's a few choose to go that we had some people just like I'm just going to let you forget your homework we can understand talk about a bunch of shit small stuff

what does Seinfeld type stuff some people don't comment on anything that's controversial and some people they will go their entire career but what I've always loved about Seinfeld is like if you really listen to him he has contempt I said this on The Comedians in Cars he has contempt for like 90% of things this anger underneath the ship Brian Regan's like that to you know the walk walk the fucking the moving sidewalk at the airport when he would act out the cattle prod that he wanted the fucking do I was just like there it is there it is

he's one of the nicest fucking guys ever Brian Regan he is so nice unbelievable it was just decent

fully formed human being he really is a great guy he also knows when to get on stage when not to get on stage if he's drunk he won't get on stage and take you to drink it was in the back bar little bit up twice in my life I've been on stage drunk once was in Ireland and then the Kilkenny Festival long time ago and then another time I don't know Red sox-yankees game got drunk at the game thought it was sober and somebody text me as I got back to the city going how do you want to do a spot you know I got off the subway when do a spot as I can and I thought you know when you're so drunk that like just drunk feel sober and I got on stage and I was just like

shit and I really had to slow down I was like slurring

so I can always going on immediately everything I've learned it as a comedian was like I like open biker energy in the whole crowd reacted that way and I had to kind of slow down and get it going I don't think I did my time is like fucking sweat in my mouth was dry I was just like

all right that's it for me that was my closing bit that's it for me

South never did that again yeah it's anything that slows your brain down it's not the best but a little buzz doesn't hurt anybody just a little bit I don't think he's not even I think you did

I'm kind of just I don't know I drank too much do you know I was just kidding drink too much and I just take some time off so I'm just taking time off of booze and right now I know you got on a big guy kick for a while you got down pretty light than you you got pretty heavy than you lost a ton of weight and develop tabs again I got 4 out of the eight I got halfway there I guess halfway there and then then I had a 6 we run on the road and it just fucking is it sucks man I hate perfectly I wasn't drinking for like two months almost three months and then 6 weeks 6 weeks

it's just it's just it's just not fair it's not fair that there's no way in a healthy way to really lose like 5 pounds a week but you can easily put on 6 no problem no fucking problem especially like New York you could just fucking you could do it you can lose 5 lb a week if you really have the way to lose yourself but you can lose 5 not losing muscle mass by just doing it the right way and you're going to keep it off I'm going to come out some celebrity crash Dieter I got to make wait for this fight I mean like like legit just how easy images of fucking New York City get a couple slices of pizza every fucking night after night of drinking your of a certain age that's it 5 lb all of a sudden you know slacks

yeah I do you ever do intermittent fasting and what side is sleeping at the breakfast break fast you know it's just a fit if you start at 4 in the afternoon

and then yeah by the time you wake up the next morning gone so long as you're not really even hungry anymore and then you kind of fine and it's just that first night and then he goes to what I still workout I don't do any cuz you have this ridiculous amount of energy and I love this shitt I was just like I heard when your fasting you're not supposed to do that he's like it's all bulshit, bulshit now you can exercise especially in a doctor to tell me I could do that at least the Agostino he's a guy that

we have a guy that's been on

what is Gavin short for something but gadzooks kids gadzooks

it's just it's just not fair. It's kind of cool gadzooks gadzooks I would say

Felicity I know but it did today fucking if your last name is sad do you have to name the kid Gad

I just can't picture a part of War will you name fucking Rhymes you have to deal with that every time a funny guy you talk to about that I don't have smart people on my podcast ever you never done it right

I didn't want you didn't want to make an exception we did it at my place

or we did it now we can do it at my house we did at the studio

I like how you do it though I keep telling Comics I'm sad look look up Bill does he doesn't need anybody he doesn't need anything it's got a fucking recorder and just Rambles that's because of my childhood the way you just said that we need a safe place I went walking yourself fuck everybody I don't need any which wasn't true I did care but you just say I don't care I don't give a fuk that's a pretty, I think no I think I'm unique D'Elia does it very similar just Rambles but that's a great development Ariel like

from there you know I answer questions and should I have Mike my little fucking tentpoles I got to get me through it but

man I don't like it you just started out as a way to promote my dates and I will just talk to you what's going on I make a couple of jokes tell some stories I said call in a service is how I did it and it will record me on the phone so I have my little flip phone and I would remember those airport talking on the phone call and I'll be making fun of fat people and shit is here walking by those

turn those started get to be 10 minutes 15 and a half hours to the point was the night I noticed I was talking on a cell phone like my head felt like I was getting cooked

and then

yeah when I started like all I needs a o I'll answer questions and I had a thing for while overrated underrated then I had a segment is it racist but then somebody said Tosh point O had something like that that's why I get rid of that just kind of did that now I just I don't know I just sit down sometimes I forget that I'm fucking talking anybody on the road just talking to yourself in the car I listen to music I listen to music

what I listen to music like you pick any fucking song and I'll tell you who I am in the band Aerosmith guy right Joe Perry Steven sings I'm Steven middle that I'm Joey yeah I just crush it it's just a whole fucking fantasy of me have you ever met those guys

I met Tommy Hamilton Joe Perry did my podcast the greatest guitarists of all time

now just that that hold band experience

is is very a lot like stand up where in the beginning you're doing these impossible gigs and you get like this you know you know it's just like you against them and even I could you came up as an open mic at the band was kind of like feet D class of Open Mic hers and you'd go up there and you know if the crowd got the better of you you'd like if you know if your body told that person to shut the fuck up or whatever I just like that whole thing you know like when I read that they don't want those Guns N Roses books about how their first gig was in Seattle and they had this van or something in a broke down and it just kept going and they just with Salman and they just somehow fucking got there at the last second they just did the gig

you know I just don't know so I just would think it would be a lot like the ocean that does great feeling as a comedian to turn a room around but actually being abandoned fucking you know you did it with somebody else you got to share it with somebody is supposed to be no fucking doing it by yourself and then going back to the Super 8 in I love that you do those gigs where you get together early with Dean Delray you guys play music I can sing his fucking ass off dude he's good he's really good is all the fucking rock star shaped like a sphere TV showing you that was at the Forum and then you say it Whole Lotta Rosie Garcia band you already know this but like they tuned down half a step up. Do something you know people can get way the fuk down on certain songs but he they still sell Guns N Roses recently

that's Michael Devin on face

what does go

zandru yeah that is a fucking awesome cover it's like you guys are like you're a fun band together but you got to legit professional singer what time is everybody looks like they playing left-handed there I had a girl I did Once Upon a car accident with her some old man ran a red light and slammed into us and the car got totaled so I'm taking the car and have a box my cassettes in the car and she sees the white snake is set she fucking threw it away sick while he still listen to this

I'd letter I want to throw it away off she must be beautiful she pretty hot and she's older than me. That's why I checked it out so sad because I got a white snake assets it around here somewhere someone's in here dude I feel bad

I asked those first relationships the shit you fucking shit you tolerate it's amazing I know I was still kind of a boy and she was a woman and now she's 25 and she's on her own for quite a while ago they treated you like a toy yeah and it was like you know she's been through a bunch of relationships so she knew how to put up she know how to post up in the things I was just like ready for you

yeah it was fun she was cool and everything but I was just didn't it didn't work out like you don't chicks get a German shepherd and a German Shepherd I was more of a psycho I'm still fighting so I was 20 and she was graduated from college grown woman had a job and a career hits CDs does that affect your no cassette tapes and CDs in the car Volkswagen Scirocco that we that was amazing rhinos like a sports car

this man it wasn't like in the dashboard and it wouldn't do just sit on like the little console in the middle son in the thing if you went over a bump it would skip the big suitcase they put in your trunk and that way it holds like a teen fucking CD CD changer that discs an 84 wow just out of high school so he didn't have the money we thought he was Richie and a Volkswagen Scirocco in his car in 1984 why don't they had car phones back in like the 60s

the phones in cars

Sprint network billing I would do it but I I like you I play my card games Spades in gin rummy and shit like that over something that's how I get through traffic I don't flip up as I just fucking stare at my phone you don't listen to books on tape like I can't do that you can't hide I just can't what would annoy me listening to the person trying to make it sound interesting

do you know what the insects with the inflections in the voice and stunts

cousin it I am defensive I just got back to my fucking moron or it's just like fucking read it read it like a sailor

do you know I have that reference cuz I'm when I got busted for drunk driving the bailiffs goes is what he said to go to go to the defendant over approximately blah blah blah yo chasing through to Thailand you know whatever and which I which is bullshit I anyways I had to fuking 82 Ford Ranger and the bailiff read the thing he said that where he's coming from and he stated fucking Boston and it was just like that's not that's what I said that's not the way I said it I was fucking wasted he said I was trying to remember he said where'd you come from I was like fuck you

Boston fucking Boston I don't want to get out of the car and I was like yeah I wasn't a jerk but when the guy did the read-write he goes we ask him where he's coming from he said fucking Boston

I got pulled over for drunk driving once but I wasn't drunk dropped my phone dropped my phone in the highway reached down and grabbed my phone and you know wait a little bit and it was even reading my phone is my phone to my legs I thought I was going to get underneath my accelerator and they pulled me over they made me do all kinds of crazy shit and I did it I'm sober and then they wanted me to take a breathalyzer why you want me to take a breathalyzer one foot a fucking power need me to do I can I can do it like a dude want to know if I'm drunk you know I'm not drunk so why you want me to blow on your bullshit like what's going on here and the cops they degrade me and let me go support our police officers make sport of law enforcement I donate a dude benefits whenever they come up and I'm sober

most of my friends in the best one was a buddy of mine that they read his nose like we noticed a maroon VW Fox blowing its horn trying to pass on the right we pulled a defendant over after repeatedly asked to defend it to stay in the car he got out of the car through his keys at my feet and repeatedly stated lock me up I'm fucked up was my buddy was a good-looking guy and the judge was a was a woman and when the guy read that you know lock me up a fucked-up and he wasn't the brightest guy you just kind of human-like he could put his head down like that little Pound Puppy fucking looking dude and she she she gave him like a lighter sentence in cuz he was good-looking

complaining so much

they won't take the time to develop a fucking personality right some jokes do it the rest of us have to do like I don't get mad at Brad Pitt beautiful I'm a fucking bald red-headed male I know where I am in the pecking order in some of these fucking people were complaining right now I'm mad that beautiful people get treated differently I understand racially speaking but you're not going to do the beautiful supermodel a possible standard of beauty to try to live up to

yeah that's why she's on the cover of a magazine she's that level beautiful and you're going to try and sit there and tell me that that was learned but here's the thing that's only women because when you see Jason Momoa playing Aquaman you don't hear men say that's an impossible standard of beauty that we have to know I just thought of that stupid but you can check my ass that is the dumbest usually on a cereal box for years they had a problem like with Aquaman it's like he's in the human beings are on earth like what do I have to see that fucking movie where they going to be is it going to be like Japanese people like finding reasons to save sharp is that a skin like well the bumps what is that is that a suit doesn't water get in the gloves

one piece right yeah you're worse than what he looks like a stripper at a bachelorette party a good one you got a good one. Diet it down for that he didn't you got all the apps so he's better than but this is this is just falling in the Black Sea you see what's going on in the UK UK is banned advertisements that feature unobtainable bodies

is there a reason to eat fish and chips over there now making it illegal to go to the gym

are you going to make me feel better it's because the people that complain who are the people that complain the people to complain to the people that don't want to work to be that lady they don't want to work to get that kind of a body and they want to just want to not see it they don't want anybody want to go to the subway and see if the never going to have an actress complaining what time does the studio total of it she said she needed to lose 15 pounds 15 to star in a movie I mean what what character did specifically carrots some veggies in your diet what are they have to go to the gym like the rest of us like I literally like that we do of course it's because I had to deal with that movie If I am north of 171 seventy-two pounds the fucking tweets I get Billy booze bag

a fat freckles all of this shit that I get like I like they sit there and they liked it it feels like they're acting like like fucking preteens with everything is just everything about them in the whole fucking world gives a shit celebrities favorite they're fucking political views is the funniest thing ever it's like all your you're not you're not making anybody change their mind politically I need a pack and speak up it's like no you can't have the spotlight on you enough that's all you're doing is all you're doing with that bullshit is your first dating half the fucking people that I got to go see whatever the fuck you're in and then secondly you're just getting on the radar of lunatics and white Vans with two seats that are looking up how to fucking build pythons like that that's that's the Fallout

it's like the jerk when he goes average run-of-the-mill son-of-a-bitch it only picked Steve Martin the idea that a girl shouldn't be asked to lose weight to look hot for movies fucking crazy because that's what you're playing you're playing a hot woman to everybody

Ben Stiller in Meet the Fockers or something there was a scene where he had to have his shirt off in the pool yet fucking ABS the comedy cuz that's cuz you were seeing the influence of for the fucking internet just like you know it gets in your head people just fucking trash and you like I already knew I was unsightly but I didn't realize how many things that people didn't enjoy but I never noticed that about myself so I don't have really has like a fucking eating disorder you know if you like fucking fucking smoothies these women are playing these roles have to understand first of all that part of the reason why you got that role is not a process because you're pretty you have a beautiful face you're born with it didn't even work at it and then on top of that you're supposed to be playing a beautiful person in the movie they would like you to not be fat

what's it cost $2 at stake I could be lost so I always feel like your job is to look like me is to show up on time knowing your lines in the best possible shape you could get yourself in that's that's the wrong even if I'm just supposed to play the guy that smoking cigarettes near the woman that everybody wants to fuck your beautiful woman it's because they want to make you more attractive it's like discrimination is a reason to want a better product to make money

I'll tell you nothing to like really that those both male and female like those beautiful people at that level it's like they're fucking aliens like I've done a couple of moves I did a movie one time and I remember it was a shame we were in a car in the star of the movie was holding onto the steering wheel and I was like I never thought this ever bought a woman I was like her forearms are gorgeous I was looking at me like that I was picked those four arms are perfect but I didn't make me when I went to Stockholm Sweden how beautiful the people that was on the street point of guys with my wife garnet look at that guy walking down the street came over here to be starring in movies and that's not all the Sweden by the way that's like just when you're in stock on that's like they're Manhattan to all the beautiful fucking people but I mean I pointed to a couple I want to the maggot put a magazine in some like that when I was over there in the woman behind the couch

it was like a fucking 11 here but she was working at a magazine stand so that was her energy you just looking at him like you you could sign with a who is that big modeling agencies like that all like Cindy Crawford a timer with back in the day the Vikings Viking Blood the best looking people they went over there and raped and pillaged and all that good DNA is left there they caught the best women they kept them alive kill everybody else I was at what happened

I don't know what happened but like what is so big beautiful

oh yeah I know this super fun show me the funniest things ever when you go over to feel like what are they called us the Nordic chick is so God damn tall that would be kids almost my height whose voice is hadn't changed yet and they have the mentality like an eleven-year-old at night when we were talking to boys and change it I was just sitting there laughing my ass off but this is like fucking yeah they like everybody was like like 63644

65 rail-thin with the European pants I'm actually going over there come on next year but I'm going over Europe I got that I got to run a 10 10 days over there European tour when you do that with three legs of it three Lexi do three separate trips of 10 days to go solo I'm going to bring the family on one of them and then the other ones I'm only gone for a little over a week which is a really long time when you have a kid and it bent and it's not something that I look forward to doing now but it's something that it's also gives my kid a great life so how I Justified so then I also I had to move some shit around to work Less in other areas but that's a good balance I'm glad you approach it that way you know III friends that don't they do you know they're on the road all the time and they have kids and do you know their ideas at this is what I got to do to make a live in my butt

days in a row it's kind of crazy I put my cat down for a nap and like I'll be downstairs like 20 minutes ago my wife and I do not miss her it's just it's so quiet she's hilarious she's hilarious so it's just like

you know yeah she's an unbelievable sense of humor and yeah I'm not afraid of commitment and all that shit so I waited I waited too long I did wait too long so which is why I'm going to take a fucking sauna with you at the end of the day I will take us to really be great if it was a company out there that could somehow let me know how to get a sun in my house will sauna people out there I was working with a guy Whitesnake take I can get a fucking with the sauna sauna companies contact both of us okay because I was in contact with a guy to do something in my fucking house in this household drop the bombs not returning emails anymore so I need a new song accompany to

this guy like trying to get the fucking Saint installed in the house I loved all those guys comedians like they don't want a real job. There's little fucking in the handyman guys I grew up so I did construction from the time I was in high school all day all throughout the summer I was always doing side jobs always had jobs on construction sites as a laborer Carpenters assistance I was always around those guys I lasted 8 days I just with my fucking fair-skinned we were doing Roofing in July and it was just I just remember my job was I was putting in the scaffold and going around you know when you get your fucking drill the hole and you put the triangle thing and then you fucking put the bolt on the Irish guy really you must you must be kept saying to me and I finally stuck my head out the side of the house I was like dude I've done this for 3 days if you want me to fucking go quicker

get out then we would like literally three stories up and he finally shut the fuk up you must be an onion the same fucking jeans everyday with like no underwear right I had a fucking giant fucking hole right here on his thighs

Tom and fucking working in the house and I just remember he's stepped over something with this left leg in the whole fucking hole moved I just like flashed his fucking junk as just like

and I do not have stand up to people and plus I was seeing I was a new guy on the thing and I just was wanted to be like buddy how about you put on some fucking boxers or something so I don't care look at your fucking Jen first one he's walking around like a goddamn nail gun not like boxers could stop at but any extra layer of clothing that you could have this guy is literally like his fucking shit in a owl looking out of a tree burned in my head I could pick his junk out of a lineup

that was the first time I ever encountered alcoholics I didn't know really know about Alcoholics to start working on job sites I realized there was guys I just had a drink to drink at lunch he was drinking all the time they're always trying to quit remember what it's like I'm quitting I'm done them everything that's good you can't do shit together that's awesome and I just know I couldn't I couldn't eat enough I was always hungry now those would like like those guys I mean I I would come home like cuz I went to football practice it was just it just be if I stuck around for another month I could have gotten construction worker shape but I just sucked at it I just didn't have it was one of the things how I was able to figure out what I was good at was one of my best attributes as I knew when I sucked

something like take playing drums and I want to be in a band and I just went to too many music stores and I see some seven-year-old kid and just him starting to play or picking up a Guitar I just knew what I was just like I don't have that I don't have that gift you know even if I play better than I just the idea that they were already coming up with I'm speaking what should I should have called you the other day I saw Dave Navarro does this thing with this pain will machines it's like they just do this Christmas show every year and Ben Bailey the other night at the El Rey do what a fucking show these guys put on like Sebastian Bach came out and sang Highway to Hell. Juliette Lewis

get off from fucking American all of those fucking move do you know some people like I'm a comedian who happens to play drums dude she's a fucking Rockstar who happens to act

she was so ridiculous it was probably just laugh and how fucking amazing she was she sang like Van Halen ain't talkin about love and then she sang Dirty Deeds it was all just in the Wheelhouse of shit that I wasn't what I want to say she did one more in the end she did like a fucking forward somersault into the fucking crowd I was so fucking good and then the drummer's they had that was Josh Freese Chad Smith and Brad Wilk like so you know if your in a drum is that I just racist fucking play with everybody literally everybody was in

Rage Against the Machine and and Chad Smith is in the Chili Peppers in those guys would just fucking destroying and Steve Stevenson Billy Idol's band was out there all these fucking guys it's just like why yeah if you get a chance like it was the last year they were going to do what I hope it isn't but Mark McGrath also was there who was fucking hilarious you sort of like the hike you know I know he sings the song is great but he's also likes of the MC / comedian he's a really really naturally like funny guy like you I was hit with another comedian he was cracking us up he went on to be like an entertainment reporter right you was a thing about him is he's like he was alive after he was always like self-deprecating do that he nicknamed an album like 1459 like making fun like my 15 minutes are almost up like he was like roasting himself while he was just writing one hit after another after another

I've got to meet him a couple times she's like one of the fucking great people that I've met in this business I've heard that I've heard nothing but nice things why don't you just do stand-up why you want to work these fucking gigs working for E Entertainment Television pretend to give a shit about some stupid sitcom you're the Sugar Ray guy me probably got enough shit you know like he's just one of those really like

that was funny shipment wow

Phyllis Navarro that's I think that's Brad Wilk on drums whatever

but he was making fun of himself before I came out there cuz I forgot who is following from sugar is any goes up any fucking murders it so it's just kind of reminded me of like I have before she's cool shit I want to meet her. She's cool as shit we can run back and forth online together I was trying to get her on the podcast few years ago but not draft ball

all right I was always worried that people like that would worry that I just want to harp on Scientology

does she know you're crazy Scientologist and still doing are you active

I get sensitive about that shitt I was thinking of going back to church just in my own way how you can do it I'm going to go but I'm not going to listen to anything and I'll solve I'll Stand Up and sit down you're going to get mad at you certain inflections know but I'm just going to kind of go there it's just a place I don't know I went last year with my mother-in-law cuz she goes every weekend went went for Christmas mass and they had like this New Orleans band and it was I would go but like I used to be a better person I wasn't so Jayden in icicle every fucking week you think you're jaded from not going to church or I think it's Jada just from knowing too much

gist

what's a certain things just get out of control you know is when you become an adult you have to be your own parent we have weird like a bill it's time to go to bed hey Bill lay off the booze and you don't just certain things just kind of get out of whack you no phones at the mixer you like you know something's up too high or too low and I just felt like going there reminded me you know reminder for the week like you know for the next couple of days but that's what I get out of it like you know this guy walked on water and you know this is the right thing you know if you believe that she got to go to heaven in a few know if somebody believe something else they're going to hell like all of that stuff is just silly that's the way you put as a good way of putting it that you have to be your own parent when you become an adult that's a great way to put in because one of the things you get from whether it's God or any kind of spirituality is he get this idea that something is bigger than you something stronger than you there's a higher purpose

think about that instead of being selfish and just thinking about you selling tickets you know you can kind of keep them kind of float away a little bit and just like you know like all the fucking bullshit that you had to go through

need help finding a flight you can afford and how might you know what what fucking dirty cat hair car they're going to pull up in to take me to the comedy condo who's always right and then yeah you just have this free time in like what are you going to do with it Indiscreet I'm in this privileged that you have and you can really go Roman Empire with it and fucking eat drink and smoke and be a you know and just be a jerk for you can you know you can still be who you were or whatever I try to help somebody out I just that's what it makes me think of when when I went I got was cuz I got so caught up in like this is the other way Sam coming in the middle like there's a reason why

people do this Beyond trying to control people and make money and power and all that there is there is something to it so there's a benefit for the people that yes yes so that's kind of what I felt like I was going there it's humbling I left Atlanta with start going back to pulling me back like you know isn't that bad church with my mother-in-law and I was sitting there going like there's an aspect of this that I liked I like the sense of community

why did mine a little pep talk that the guy gives him whatever it would be nice if I didn't didn't think if I wasn't suspicious of them is a problem with church is the problem with anybody that gets in any sort of a position of power it's easy to use it so the have a guy who's a pastor that's not a creep and that really cares and is really good person and really wants to care about the community and really really wants everybody to do better and get better with life but isn't trying to buy a fucking Rolls-Royce like Joel Olsteen and live in a giant mansion so I can always go get shirts that always goes always go south it's absolutely what about Joel Osteen is he said he bought the old place and then he feels it up when the hurricane came to all the folks were displaced from their home

electric blue car pretty put on you fucking guys getting it all wet

electric blue Ahli does he has a sick ass look at that place a Dice Clay special in all those people throwing down all those people paying to be there okay is making a little getting all those people together and there's a sense of community amongst all of them and two is that guys making out of money and he said so much power you know you know those people just at your what can you do with the reason why I'm thinking you know stopping and every once in awhile a good spot in Broadchurch thing for a while there's a I remember one of my friends who is a producer his assistant was she was lost she I think she spiritually or

but she was doing this what's going on Jamie lamp prices $4,950 for a ticket what the fuck I don't know $4,950 at the state catch the handkerchief when he's done fucking preaching how much I get four people probably buy season passes to Joel Olsteen he was coming to one of the big spots I was at these are in a tourist and he's does Vegas to we does the fucking T-Mobile arena in Vegas I want to see a show

does eyes open or no smile and shit it's crazy it's a lot of money that you so full of shity can't look at the crowd that's right size are there when you're lying eye contact is the toughest fucking thing ever but whatever he's at he's making people feel good he's maybe he's in the God show business you have if you have to respect in Arena act I think I think there's something to that there's something there that it's talking about she was real lost and I think she was Jewish it for me she converted Judaism later but anyway it for one point time she was going to the rock and roll Church she was like choose a sweet kid just like you should go you would really like it and I guarantee you in like I might quit some young hip guy probably sing songs probably tries to fuck women like it out of here with that it's like David koresh

and Andy brought that message of Jesus and that's a really profound things to say to people really really help them feel better resonated with him and start banging people's wives and that's what happens with those rock and roll alternative churches is a few would like the Justin Bieber guy you know the guy that Justin Bieber has he's the one who told Justin to get off the road like he's getting get these guys to do that the basketball player stop playing basketball to cancel his tour because of the the preacher told him it's too but maybe he's right though let's be honest billion dollars in the bank and maybe he was frayed around the edges is losing his fucking marbles the kids 21 years old he's about as famous as a human being could possibly the only

what the fucking dick root priest hold up what's what's going on with his fucking shorts bro no no no no no no any guy who showing dick route you know I mean like the base of your cock you're pulling your shorts down to base your cock like that you doing that cuz you trying to get laid stop pull your fucking shorts up to a normal height those things should be five in Tire I know where you doing your your cock is slapping against you think you probably don't even have underwear on you fucking creep

Jesus is not why you dressing like that no

look at Scott ABS big old handsome guy he probably Dixie Chicks down for the Lord right then X dick some down for Jesus big old handsome charismatic guy down for Jesus

apparently he's a very good it's always good to hang with Oprah so you know he's legit

they're all in the same business and selling hope you enjoy maybe he's good at it. Something maybe helps people I'm suspicious I'm suspicious because of his shorts just that alone that should be on the wall all over his church this is me at my worst or the worst thing you do as an adult is to go out and try and find parents again yeah that's the quickest way to end up in the trunk of somebody's fucking car is so I can find someone to take care of you if I think then you go out and you start looking for a mom and a dad and mom and dad and mom and daddy just give away all this fucking power laser cock like that like as far as you can legally get your shorts down without showing your dick

chaos down there and he pulled it out you could see the chaos like basically that's that's there's a lot of pubes that you could see right there you can see a lot of pubes but if you did it would be a real issue is that the same exact area is okay if you're only seeing skin but if you stop pubes right there you feel like a man what in the fuck what are you doing

in public fit like that is so that's a male version of a thong like a guy could get worse but it's like I'm a freak naked guy always making sure that mean it's fucking that's not a funny naked guy back in the day when streaking

it was just the funniest fucking thing ever and tackle the guy had a silly hat and they would just start fucking running across and it was get me the feet I would I would tense up when I see them talking cuz I think about his dick is raw dick smashing into the dirt I saw a guy I saw a guy when I was at at Boston University Terriers can they don't even play soccer anymore Nickerson Field

and my father my god father took me to the game and we was sitting in this fucking Elliott was a bandana on and he was streaking across the field and we will fucking crying laughing and security was chasing really fast you've had a bandana in like these fucking like you know Adidas dragon and he eat in line with his junk it was his inner thigh on the other one I was just like he got over and as far as I know we got away but I mean it was just it wasn't even like it wasn't nice concrete was that rough unfinished shit and he tried to hurdle it and he got a got his junk he got everything over and was that other let other leg

nice fucking raspberry

amazing of vulnerable you dick is a dick and balls just it just a simple simple trip with no pants on and slam down your dick he is in horrible act some sort of junk rib cage to try and protect it but it just a turtle shell out there just out there it's a terrible design

and that's why the function is it mean it has to go in case you didn't notice I haven't been using your dick you know what it's for it so it's something that someone has got to something's got to be vulnerable because you're the temperature what is for temperature your body heats up too much kills your sperm so if your balls were internal and you were running around exercising you cook all your sperm so their balls are hanging low on the outside like when was electric in tennis maybe in the future we'll find a way to suck it up in your body that was something that we'd always hear about we chiru guys wait Siri was a very particular hardstyle karate and guys would literally get kicked in the balls we kick each other in the balls and the idea was that under some dubious instructors the idea was that these guys could actually suck their testicles up into their body like a trained to pull their testicles up in their body and one day I talked to a doctor he's like that's not possible now there's like no

they can but there's some guys can a belt develop the ability to take a shot to the nuts like there's been studies done on it it was a one of those Sports Science shows for these guys they measured by the amount of force that a guy is throwing at this guy's dick when you punch him in the dick and they are standing at like this just fucking straight up punch him right in the balls and he can take his death would be that even though you are definitely making contact with the balls really most of forces in the taint in the back of the ass because as you know you kick it somebody write your foot is extends past where your shin is right your shin is here your foot is here so if your foot is slamming into the guy's ass and taint it's really not a lot of them I have and I've been kicked in the balls at least a hundred times

buy grown men not a Kik by black belt I've been kicked in the balls so many times because we were sparring you can kick in the balls all the time and all the time he probably just get used to the pain I thought before I had kids of that apply for my fucking balls are probably totally useless like I'm shooting blanks for sure I just thought of all the times I've been slammed into the balls I've worn every fucking cup there is especially back when I was competing they didn't like now they have some pretty sophisticated cops with like diamond MMA has his cup it's got a compression short it sucked down into you and it's really hard rubber on the outside and you can actually take a good shot to the balls and it's not going to kill you but back when I was doing it would get those jocks we just be a cup that fits in a jockstrap and you pull them up and then eventually they made some for martial arts we're just curved under little bit more and the cop went back to your taint and the downside of that was it it was there was a lot of abrasiveness when you were throwing kicks it we like rubber again

your inner thigh and there's no compression shorts back then either but I absolutely been a good fucking bet everything I have I've been kicked in the balls a hundred times

no question about it they should take like a fucking you know what to do like a mold they should do a mold of your junk and make her husband they should a Maltese they are rockstars Dick's so I can secure flashlights like once this the nonhuman element in you want to fuck this thing that isn't alive this is something like this is my asshole cancel I always you back in the day when you had wanted to get for me had to go into a store I just saw this stuff always it just seems serial killer like body part type

feminizing the flashlight was a sponsor for a while when I remember even though it was just a thought I had to try it after a while. I'm going to listen to know about this what's that ankle

what do Jesus Christ I mean how do you not become like how does that not to brain damage to fuck that

oh Jesus that's so disgusting can you get you think it's bad getting caught jerking off can you imagine it if you're slamming his foot into his fucking personal it looks real enough that you fucking killed somebody and now you're fucking a whole leg that is crazy how realistic that looks it looks like she's hanging from the ceiling through this business has like the skin of her heel looks like it's kind of what she a little bit right like it's moving around because I might get a little weird sisters you can build your own mannequin here we are synthetics

what is it a bigger one a fucking elbow is my business card

I don't know if that's when I think you buy that in a few weeks later you buy a giant freezer yeah it ain't good does not good China see things like this so many people that had tendencies that never were just living in log cabins and shit like you just never were able to explore and I feel like the same way you know I can watch all these people building cars and stuff or you can tap into some dark shit about yourself and you know it opens the coffin lid and sits up and then that's seen in your fucking personality now it's it's very it's a very yet that's the real trigger real triggers kids get abused to get abused young and then they develop his anger this hatred and then as they get older then they find these weird Outlets suum

I came to test a lot of it but still it will wrap this up ladies and gentlemen

yes please show me something else like Sunday like a hawk in head fit February 19th amazing lineup for the greatest live, I ever fukin saw Big Jay oakerson Chris red cypress sounds Gary gulman Jim Gaffigan Michelle wolf Rich Vos and other people that will I'll try to talk to Joanne to fly it out there for it in the goddamn all right thanks thank you everyone for tuna to the podcast and thank you to our sponsors thank you to expressvpn you can protect your online activity today it cost less than $7 a month and find out how you can get 3 months for free at expressvpn.com Rogan that's expr

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