#1134 - Kyle Dunnigan

Jun 22, 2018

Kyle Dunnigan is a writer, actor and comedian. Check out his hilarious Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/kyledunnigan1/

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hey buddy I got a bunch of tour dates coming up all of them are at Joe Rogan. Com Boise Idaho is the next big one that's on sale that's June 30th which is a week from tomorrow and then there's a big one in Tirana which is in September 29th that's a big one but it's almost sold out so don't sleep Joe Rogan. Com for all that stuff this episode of the podcast is brought to you by SimpliSafe in 2017 the Better Business Bureau or heard more than 5,000 complaints about alarm companies that puts home security in the top 10% of the most complained-about Industries well here's how you fix home security you do with my friends over at SimpliSafe did SimpliSafe got rid of contracts and hidden fees they work hard during their customers business instead of relying on tricks in fine print SimpliSafe is a company that tree

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you'll see today in this episode I have a hard time with words I don't know what it is I think I burnt myself out yoga I'm going to cook my brain today

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and quit a an excellent gig as a as a writer is very interesting and compelling I think they could get something out of it plus it's just a funny dude and I enjoy talking to him so please give it up for Kyle Dunnigan

The Joe Rogan Experience

common that's right baby headphones headphones headphones why is notice she like she answers herself, she has diarrhea so she likes I think she's been about a time alone maybe and she's crazy answering what is going on with her but it was a pretty similar it's like what's difference will hire like her face is numb I thought you was I want to do did you see your show I am cait

sounds like a reality show I mean how much of a boring person you have to be with how interesting is like a tax Olympic Athlete turned into a woman so boring still no one wants us to that show

yeah she needs a better producer seems like a put her in interesting situations that shows he's gone forever boring like I watched it I tried to watch it it was boring. I just feel like they missed a formula look at that is a fascinating situations how did they treat other 60 years old and then becomes a man how could that show not do well how could it I think what happened was she wasn't open about what her transition it wasn't about that she didn't really talk about you know she she doesn't believe in gay marriage that that's when I like I was on her side and then like yeah she's a quarter I mean what how she said well, traditional

completely lost for words because it's it makes no sense it's their feet to the fire and their big feet cheat sheet did she burn those feet 17 Jimmy Choo Choo the fire for her to be against any group that she's been she knows what it feels like to be shot under unbelievable it's just crazy but she's a lesbian now or she's dating a trans Jesus imagine if you were okay and then you dated a woman who became a man why in the fuck is happening you like

yeah and then you're like gay marriage is gross like I'm going to judge that

it's it's they need to cut her brain open and then figure out what's what's going on a lot of confusion and a lot of wanting to fit in in a lot of you know doesn't make any sense and I really like people going through that and I don't want you know hurt anyone's feelings I really just think she's she's kind of an asshole this is her friend girlfriend so the girlfriend used to be a boy too fast and then she's like I just

she's not a great person

I miss you kill that lady with a car and then said nothing like that was a weird you see the footage know she looks completely like her fault she bumped into this lady who was stopped since the lady went across trap I can and died and no one talked about it I didn't share is that what you said no I don't want to see this I want to feel bad yet some poor lady died in and no one no one gives a fuck because the story is not that the story is she's a woman now she's always been a woman she's always been a woman and it was good timing for her cuz people like ignored that sort of went doing these videos I'll tell you I was having like mid-life crisis Panic waking up at 3 in the morning like really moment I was writing for the show the last year and it

grills great job it was way nice and I like something in my subconscious felt like I don't know like I had to get out and Ike I quit the job and I was like I'm just going to make videos on Instagram

what a great business move me lose my health insurance and make videos for free on Instagram do you have the funniest page on Instagram without a doubt you're the funniest page I'll thank you very very much and I went because of you from like 20,000 now like 240 something that's all cuz of you and your pills are also like it's just how good they are man it's one of its viral once a few of those the one that you did when she was describing the different utensils that she chooses to get herself off with weed wacker and oh my God

watch my girls to help me out got to finish till when did you start doing the face swap thing was is it your user face yeah there's an app you can download and there's one for the Trump I just I was doing Trump at first and I don't look anything like him so this was like a way to do character

Deseret Book Store make my number the other one that made me cry was Kim Kardashian and Trump with Kim could figure out how to open up the door at the Block is the weird buzzing noise those are take so long I don't think so I'm making videos for Instagram

okay I'll buzz you in

April. Yeah where do I buzz you

okay push it

why did you open it there was a weird buzzing noise until I buzz you Jesus Christ

poop

but I just got here go in the door but I can't go in the door which would have been a lot funnier if I was in it

that's why there's my time with grown man and yeah you're an actual full grown man I'm a man I'm a man boy so you really just decided to start doing these. I just like it wasn't even like a brave decision and I really couldn't sleep I was having panic attacks that I was I think I saw my future and it was like I'm going to be a writer writing for people for the rest of my life can you get addicted to the money and all that it happens like I heard about it I didn't see it coming and it just I suddenly woke up last time I'm like I have to stop or I'll do this forever friends of mine who really really funny comics and they can't work because they spent so many years doing sitcoms as a writer or doing sketch shows as a writer that they don't have a following World Class comedians

hilarious nobody knows who he is I'm like dude you one of the 20 best comics in the world yea and sprays and make me some more but God I said you only so much create energy and if you're giving it to someone else you're done just that you're tired all day you're stuck in an office and then you have to go on the road I'll give you one of your comic you have to do SATs multiple times a week and you got to go on the road not famous you have a decent following like your your fuck you screw your fucked got famous is late 40s in Mexico in his forties ovary like a done and then Jeff Foxworthy contacted them and they start doing that Blue Collar Comedy Tour it out of control

Rodney Dangerfield tell that's right came back but the entire time he was writing which is really crazy so he came back with a fuckload of material and also came back with a sharper style I came more edited more precise you know and that's where I feel like I can't believe how old I got that you don't notice it and if it ain't listening like in their twenties you know I'm 40 I just turned 47 m 50

yeah you're a little further along than me career-wise so I'm not I'm not as worried about you

you don't wake up with night terrors do you know that you did huh yeah I really did when Edna certain moments like you don't think about being old but like when you put the your date of birth in online to buy something that that's scroll through your car's here the pig last good year for cars is that true what about a Tesla to the night to 1971 1971 is essentially the last good year for cars yeah we like muscle made me and John both ripped cars there was a few years when they were unbelievably cool and then after like 71 they fell apart so you just thought of the perfect time that's I mean that's what I'm known for being born

right at the end of muscle car is 71 Barracuda they'll probably the last the big car guy huh I love cars I do too but I drive a Honda Civics it's what works well I don't know how to say this once to the great they start up every time you need him to yeah I've had it for a fucking shit those cars and every time you put don't worry anticipation come on baby country like crap waiting list for the Lexus know I'm sorry Tesla which one two three to the cheaper one 3 but it's still like suspiciously expensive but you see what's going on with Tesla in the formalin employees and employers was sabotaging code and leaking information

that you know trying to say something about the Elon Musk cuz there was a waste that he was a whistle-blower he's not saying he's a Salvatore The Whistleblower but they're saying he's a disgruntled employee because he owed money to come this gigantic thing and doing this guy stealing code and then giving it to accelerate but he did something did something bad I don't know who we hate that guy

will I go well that car is like it's like it's 35 Grant but if you want tires 245 I was one that has to let you know I just need I need I think it was starting like a fun so I can get a Tesla maybe we'll have like charity by GoFundMe to doing one of those videos every I'm hearing about that I got to get into the business side of things but our business minded I'm spending like $4 a month I just phone calls I'm not making two like AT&T and stuff

I need to like get my my business side in order to get a subscription to something I use anymore and then you don't you can't figure out how to cancel it I got to have anymore that's what that's what they want yeah they're good at that make it difficult for you to quit yeah like they'll go hey have these vitamins in one month free and then before you get the vitamins you have to cancel in order to stop the next month from being charged isn't playing let's move on when you do these videos

how many how many hours you think are involved in life like the Kanye won the won the most recent launches fucking hilarious thank you I've gotten quicker at them but it still takes inordinate amount of time there's like I get the idea and I got to write something quick and then I can sleep on it and then I'll go work out more to edit it down cuz I'm going to make it look pretty tight with like online people don't want a minute of fluff training so I'll take the person who talks the most film that and I'll have the whole script written out so as I film it in my mouth all talk the other words so the timing is kind of closing up and then I'll send that video to myself to my airdrop it to my laptop and turn it really low and I'll do the next character and have that playing so I can have that synced up right and I pair those who do the next person like that

a lot of time on my hands yeah but I'm only 47 so so what was the thought process when you quit just couldn't do it you had to get how to get out yeah I I just something was like panicking it just was letting seeing my life and what I I I want to at least try to be like a performer's why would I want to do I can't even read very well it being a writer to me is it sounds fun if I didn't have the experience before and like I don't think I'd feel this way it's just I got to taste you had some stuff that I did that I really enjoyed it just I think I just saw the the trappings of it some people are really good writers and they that's what they want to do that's all don't want to perform but the problem with being a good performer is sometimes you can help other people out like us up here and explain

better and you know you eat you start writing your there in the office index cards oh my God yeah can I get that check every weekend like I was a nice check sweet and I I'm really thankful for those jobs and they're really great and they act and you know I have a house and stuff but yeah this is like last powerdrive I think if this doesn't work out with Instagram I mean just this though I'm really excited because now I can do Little Theatre the draw directly from Instagram has enabled me to like get out of you know clubs and stuff so it worked and the I feel the difference in the audience knows what you do and who you are instead of like having to take him through this you might be one of the only guys that's done it that way though

where is in little short one minute videos yeah because I really I started off with that but then there's no money in sketch really you know and so I got and stayed up cuz I needed to get make money and help stand up was what I did the best but now I feel like I'm getting a little better at stand up and I'm actually enjoying it more now but it characters Impressions is when you do shows do you ever play videos de play video did it show I wish you at Largo that I do like every couple months and I I did show videos it was the owners idea and that was in a really fun it's a great idea especially if you make

some videos specific to the show that's exactly I didn't do that but but watching are like that's what I should do like have Trump be like next up there whatever yeah yeah yeah and then you know have Caitlyn Jenner's take on different things tips Caitlin I did a thing where she I brought her out

earthquake in between is she's working her one person shows just the idea that I like I like greatest love when I call you answer it was really fun yeah I mean you you could do easily like some sort of a multimedia presentation type thing yeah that seems like it would be a really great idea I'm trying to put together something cuz to be like some kind of special sandwich bits in between and go you know any like you know I wonder I wonder what Stormy Daniels would do or what you know what does yeah you can decide to yeah what did you get my story and I've no idea I thought you would like that in my mouth again

when she just called she actually said nothing like that I'm sure but it doesn't matter that she seems like she talk like that oh my God it was one that you did that looks like your face

you play Jared Kushner was that it like me

he's like all of our face swap none of them are you I do it character Craig that's like one of the glasses yet

that's my real mom I know that really that's hilarious she's a good actress the first take she didn't know what I was doing and that was like real and honest but after that like I told she knew she was like acting out of your mom when you decided to do this there's no check selling whatever what do they sell sunglasses or some shit makeup detox skinny herb I haven't either well I've actually just ticket sales I have I guess but yeah I haven't monetized or I've been thinking about that I just cut a I feel good if people like it just makes me feel like I'm some purpose or something yeah I feel like I've done something

and I'm building if I could build an audience and that come to my shows I'll be really happy about that so you were doing mostly clubs before and now you're moving into theaters is that we have this is all over the last Merced from Instagram that's incredible it does well I mean it's working it's working yeah it's really exciting and thank you again me and my eyes you're my personal Santa Claus so sick of watching your videos in the toilet and I was like just watch I open the door to watch this one through the Kanye West when I was crying she's like what the fuck are you laughing at I don't like watch this just watch this Kanye West My Worst impression shut the fuk up shut the fuck up

the other one the other one about the baby died in her womb what would she do you have to make up crap it's probably dad

it's just so perfect because like Instagram it's almost like you have optimized Instagram better than anybody you really have nailed it you've nailed it for comedy does everybody else like mine included if you go to my Instagram yet the fucking dick to find out I'm a comedian and you got to go look at around find a picture of Lincoln School and put it up there is no Rhyme or Reason to show your Instagram page, he's gotten all my Gmail account so you can grab everything so you got good and I have my nephew Mike what's that cuz I'm like I'm just going to do Instagram videos and see what happens and I look what should I do different he's like one out stupid yeah the ones that stupid thing

do I am Kyle Dunnigan that's another one in, he would have been fine that's a good one but it's not in my wheelhouse I like to add it I like to do quick you know stuff Channel your page is like a channel unlike most people's Instagram pages and treated like a child it is like a show it's almost like you should have a regular insert of an ad you shouldn't even be just keep doing what you doing cuz you know that's right but I think what he's doing is perfect Instagram TV yes and I just got up

45 more minutes everybody

I just spilled coffee all over the studio not going to be on the can I do it all the time

no laptops or anywhere near a bunch of laptops man pisses me off guess what Lenovo you spill on it nothing happens nothing they make them waterproof to make them dust-resistant they make a mil-spec we need to spill out of you throw a glass of water the keyboard not a goddamn thing happens if you put one apple did you tell you know if you're going to need a new one a new one blow on it we need a lot more napkins you sneeze on it it'll it'll blow out sons of bitches and go grab some napkins grab a couple of those kill Cliff those lime ones

I'm very uncoordinated this I do this all the time I'm done pretty coordinated and I fucking spill coffee in your eyes have a seat it's your microphones in front of you start moving your hands I'm Italian so my dad's allowed at the Italian one-quarter Irish on the same thing. My people are cool that's crazy cuz I'm secretly hoping that someone in my past has sex with a black person have I'm hoping to .7% really nice but I think it's Northern Africa I'll take it I'll take it and I'm going to run with it it'll open up a whole new realm of material just bring your 23andMe and take it to Cheyenne

Jeff no one to blame you know it's always your fault but it's also the easiest thing to be of course I'm just still cleaning you don't clean anymore man I'm still cleaning the coffee it's on the table the better it looks it's going to smell good all the garbage thanks

it's not just coffee has character of the table router so you got to have some measure of satisfaction that this moment that you have that cuz he I love stories like that because you have this moment will you like I can't I got to do something I can't do this anymore and then you did and it worked yeah I am really I'm sleeping a lot better and you know I had have been in this business for a long time and there's been so many American talk for 9 hours about the disappointments but I still feel lucky you know I got you know I was able to like make a living whatever but there's some luck involved when I was lucky you came across it and I've had so many I wish I knew who told me about you I wish I could remember it might have been topped

yeah Tom and probably was Tom he was pretty it was a comic pretty sure is a comic might have been Tom he was a person to repost one of mine I think maybe that's what it was I did this but I have so many disasters do I thought I was like get ready for the rocket ship Kyle you better go Mansion shopping cuz things are about to take off and just always something I did this Jamie Foxx like just got you a pilot and I'd like to get up part on a network show it's a lot of auditions if you climb a mountain to get the role and I was like feeling cuz my last shot and everything and I got there and we couldn't we weren't allowed to write for ourselves what is a WG a rose out of the character no one else can really right for it and the people that were writing

two of them just got out of prison and they were not coming writers like to get this was like let me get my friends this cuz I got to know you would show up like one so no ending or seemingly point and then I threw the script and do you you do you have any walked out in these actors like no you can't do it was like at the top just like these writers called me into their office once and they were like this idea for these guys would never wrote schedule for this idea that you're Jimmy Baio James Bond your Jimmy Bond all right and you're you're in an airplane right and like to take it take it in the next hour I'll be like yeah you order like a soda

or Sprite or like a point I got a Mountain Dew Mountain Dew or Diet Coke and then that was it

the night I did was sit in a dead silent Lake and then we had like the show which came out very mediocre so I'll show those cult in the flow I got changed till like something else and it just became that use AC on Crockett show I was like a hot like a cast member whatever and then at the end you know Fox pays all this millions of dollars and a fence going to Fox cares about their wallets but we showed them not realize we had to wait for a pickup and I'm just standing on stage thinking is my last shot anything cuz I was already like 40 and I just was like

navigate to The Wrap party and the whole thing was just an we go late to the wrap party and we walk in his nice restaurant and Jamie Foxx is standing up and it's a whole lot big table and he was going out what's your favorite animal what's your favorite animal was like goose hunting a rabbit like I'm your second favorite animal what's your second favorite animal is terrified because the first animals who you think you are the second animals who you really are I told Tom Cruise that and he said it was awesome

anyway it's Instagram

yeah I'm going to write a book one day just called humiliated stories

a long career of ground balls I've had so many like why I really was going shopping for houses had to stop relink several like I just Pizza Hut Campaign which was like get ready till like open up several bank accounts and it was like the big New Yorker pizza and there's an explosion of of flavors as a shooting 9 as a campaign to videos 9/11 happened

as well as were shooting the explosion and it was like it was at the wrong vibe to this whole thing is so they cancelled the whole thing they played like I don't know if I can a month I played a few and then they like dropped it but it was like you know it was 5 shot for I got paid like people but we're going to do six more it would be like one of those flow from you grabbing a wheelchair in a hot guy from Subway for Pizza Hut yeah you were going to be the Verizon can you hear me now guy that's what I was waiting for that I trust I switch to Sprint that's not cool why did I mean she was my son's Pizza Hut

I had to tell my mom I'm actually not Pizza Hut anyway so I feel lucky but but but you found the thing like dude you're fucking videos make me how they're really really funny like that's that you use for whatever it is the way your mind works it works best for these face swap videos which which is fucked up man because I didn't exist yes 3 years ago it was Chris D'Elia it was he did some video where he was Rick from The Walking Dead you put it on his Instagram page I was like wow I was excited right away cuz I knew like the impression that I do I don't look like most of them is fucking phenomenal and when you do for the face

so perfect it looks like he's out of control

look for years up it's amazing did you see that what's going on today Tom Arnold who hates Trump has a new show on Vice or he's just running around trying to find incriminating video and audio on Trump that's all the whole show is him on a quest to find incriminating and humiliating video and audio on Trump and he was with Michael Cohen today what yes how could he Michael Cohen is apparently going to work with Tom Arnold on the show is the FBI okay with that I think they would be like tomorrow could be just bullshiting well I'm feeling that it's coming out of my mouth where it shows my what is this Jamie

this isn't tomorrow the Miss Universe tape is another tape

the n-word tape

denies any involvement with prostitutes

don't worry Tom Arnold is on it and I'm Tom Arnold

the hunt for the Trump tapes with Tom Arnold I mean no one's going to Care no matter what he can have an effect probably but listen fuck John Gotti Trump is a Teflon Don you see that movie they're saying they scammed Rotten Tomatoes without moving used to be the greatest that movie of all time from the audience that was from like their Chloe's when was that take us to take down Donald Trump Michael has enough Trump on his plate I'm the crazy person who said me and Michael Cohen were teaming up to take down Trump of course I meant it Michael doesn't get paid by Vice okay

thank you Tom for correcting the record

okay next time thanks for clearing that up time that's why I thought you was Tom Arnold I be nervous as fuck why I don't want to get killed oh now impossible impossible you can't kill Tom Arnold and did it for a favor Putin might be able to do it but some boys in the sides and I could give Dan this is not that good Russian accent would you consider doing a Putin on your page I will yes that's a good idea to Greater what is the lotion as usual. He's good just listen to you get it then how come? Really harsh Russian prostitutes

yeah I mean that's not a bad idea for Scott to therapy tapers at 8 rumor or do not know I don't know I don't think it's supposed to be real I think it's supposed to be fake it sounds fake it sounds like something someone would just make up like not even well planned out how many what percentage of people like to be peed on it's got to be below 1%. Still a lot of 300 million people that means 3 million people like to get peed on that's a lot of p i don't think it's 1% but even if it's at all over the place then the after the cleanup app right Back at Ya what are you what are you up to at the freakiest thing you're into

I've never even done like whipped cream or anything hot what about when a girl ask you did like choke or a little how do you feel about that

that's a scary a request so I'm not into that I'm not a girl that I sedate who wanted me to rape her she told me to rape her that's that stuff and probably she was fucking hot and I was like I do not want to get interested in doing us like the thing with the right you really like what if what if I just had a connection in only girls that want you to like force them to do shit that's that's very true when you are young and you're forming your sexuality whatever are you first got your like when I first dance with a girl and I noticed her hips were wide I I got like a boner just going to 8th grade is like this is she's different and it linked and four years so I was I can make early thirties I could not dance with a girl without getting a hard-on I was at a wedding once and I ask this girl.

never do this but you like alone and she was hot and I got to dance for my mother's there and I got like a boner I don't know this girl at all and I had to tell her cuz you know you know that Gary wedding pants are not keeping things and so full pitched and I she probably already knew so it's like I'm sorry can you help me up off the floor and I had to how humiliating it says I'd ask this girl to like Shimmer me off the floor a way to ship mugs funny good sense of humor about it but I shouldn't say she should be flattered but a girl that I sense of humor you flattered the universe like I've already worked yeah that got a whole black outfit I glued like planets my body with velcro and then I go to her house

time which I didn't realize you don't go to parties on time I just got into LA and then I went and I went to hug her and knocked over the Skeleton on the wall and her dog ran up and I bit Venus off my leg and took off and I'm just in the room and no one's dressed up you are coming and they have a band and a pirate but no one's really dressed up except for a meal coz of pariah and then no one talked me to put the at the end this guy is all our friends are like frat guys you guys can I ask you a question and I was like yeah no yeah so now I'm in this all started making a boner with this girl but anyway I got to go he's as Christ what a dick yeah it was kind of a dick was he a dick before yeah they were all kind of like stocky Jackie and they were drunk and I think I seem like a Target beside the Universe on my body

smoking tire that yeah but that's that's a severe weakness

unless you were doing something we didn't why would they think that was funny cuz what are you doing man what's the outfit and then you start talking to you start laughing every other day that we would have a good time yeah yeah you know

that's funny though the barn today because there is a girl that I dated when I was in high school and she she was into like rubbing her feet on me and I had a foot thing for a long time because what where was she rubbing your feet on it

I meant like were you at your house right now whatever she would just rub her feet on my legs and put her feet on my girlfriend ugly teacher but her smell boner every time

yeah that's hilarious but that is a real thing about like getting connected to like a particular like saying like whether it's choking someone or any of that got to go to the girl wanted me to also would grab my hand and put on the back of her head she was just really into it but it took a warm up it's almost like first started

okay gateway drug. Kick your ass so you lost the baby I didn't I didn't I didn't beat her up but I was trying to figure out what we're doing while we're doing it like I'm pretty sure like when the First episodes he had a show like an older girl asked him to jerk off in front of her and I was always like that that actually happened and that got linked up but you can't really decide what links up your sexuality what it is a turns you on it just would have no information that's my guess of weird shit what are in the weird weirdest is this is the smelling the shoes Marla Maples Trump sex put a camera in her bedroom cuz she in her closet cuz she kept Lutz you have one

chill and it was some friend would come in they got a car just like just coming in and stealing sniffing issues as Christ as I can like that anyway all that stuff right like stealing underwear stealing shoes

yeah that thing is I mean it's true but it wouldn't be a perve game to go through the snow get some pussy at 70,000 people they were saying that after one of the super volcanoes in well

what is a difference between what is it Sumatra is that where it was Indonesia some massive supervolcano 70000 years ago killed off almost everybody know I didn't know about that it got we got down to extremely low number I think they estimate it somewhere between like two and maybe you like 10,000 people yeah you need people who like to fuck a lot to really hurry to go pee jump that up I smoke weed before the show me people he was explaining

with his wife is also biologist that there's two different things that men are attracted to their attracted to a beautiful woman but their tracks to hot woman like a hot woman doesn't necessarily have to be beautiful what you does is offer an opportunity for like very quick sack so you can just have sex with her you don't have to court her like a girl with a short skirt and tits are popping out should want a lot of makeup that what that signals is that there's an opportunity for you to spread your jeans and you have no responsibilities you wouldn't have to take care of it you would know you would have to spend a lot of time with her Court her that she's the type of person that allows you to just fuck her you can do on Sprague energy in cells for the reason for that being a stimulating thing for men for men like this idea of like these loose women like loose women are very attracted but very attractive to us for that reason it's not just that

what are these pictures in there but now it's literally an evolutionary trait that we have adapted to the disease thing Knox it back a little bit for me I'll go like I have an anecdote an antidote for goodbye I don't feel like there's any woman who could no matter how hot like coming and and and take me away or like force me to like when I try to say I haven't answered though it's okay I've been development over years and people that can listen to take this if you like let's say you fell for somebody and she liked and she dumped you and you're still pining over you put you first you like think about like the blood moving through her body and her and her skeleton and you put her on the toilet thing about like she's making by I know it's gross but that's

you think about her as a animal and you think about her on the toilet and whenever she pops up you put her on the toilet you're welcome that doesn't work with me it will I don't care now I think she's hot but she's really struggling on the toilet on the toilet seat

I take I eat a lot man. Like The Bachelorette or something there there fantasize a lot of times early on it is fantasy and and your marriage yes so you're good does intimacy and you get past all that but that early on fantasy make filling in the blanks is perfect person usually leave that out and never bother me I don't give a fuck about periods I think I could skeleton skeleton underneath this woman that I'm like pining over she just like

who doesn't work doesn't work on me it works from someone's hot I think they're I don't care if they just took a diarrhea shit or how about imagine a bad breath bad breath and I'm a tell her all your I see I just say listen and then then go get yourself a job sometimes I get bad breath and cuz I'm a person I want to tell me absolutely right I don't know I'll take whatever the people have an app like his example I was with this girl and I could not take the breath couldn't take it that bad and then I said hey let's brush our teeth

it would be there it was either you got to go I can't do this for I've got to figure out how to brush our teeth so I thought maybe I'd have fun did but she brushed her teeth reluctantly oh my God and it was

clearly but it didn't fix it at all like it was coming from her guts we will have like you know what that happened to a lot of girls who bulimic or anorexic body is all fucked up your body's like super confused relationship to sound like if she's too much of force yourself to throw up and I was like why it's easy to hide that is it existed but I didn't know anybody who had it and disturbing things to eat if you're hungry so you eat me like what have I done did you just talk about her and that could have and the relationship you moved away and I said this was the fucked-up thing was she wasn't in any way of

weight of shoes beautiful should great body she said it was just like a weird shoes actress you know and I think that the pressure that big is just so crazy it's just first while you take someone who most the time the reason why we want to become an actor is because they didn't get enough attention that's a lot of what causes it especially if you have like this weird sort of non-specific desire for the same it's not like you you're really good character actress you know you're a Faye Dunaway or some like that you're really good at creating a character I just want to be famous and why why is that it's usually there's something fucked up from childhood usually somebody wasn't paying attention to them parents split up something went wrong and then you put them through this audition process

process is the craziest thing ever it devastates people self esteem it is just get rejected all the time rejected all the time that you're not stealing a t-shirt that know what you're selling yourself first date this girl when I first moved to LA and when she would go on a ditions when if she would get rejected she would want to fuck like a wild animal it's like she wanted something to just like she want to just fucking about it was so crazy she want to blow off steam it was just the stress of it all it's so unhealthy and the people that go into that are some of the most the least

it is the least advisable career path for them to be exactly yeah it attracts the wrong people just a fucked up situation you have these people judging you like come on in Kyle yeah I can't tell it tell us about yourself a lot of trouble with your favorite animal is

who you are I told you told great wow Tom Cruise in this girl told me she asked me where I was from and I said I was from New Jersey and she goes because I'm from New York she was from New Jersey but I don't tell people that I go why she was cool to say you're from New York or go that's ridiculous I got doesn't make any sense at all why would you lie I go and then you just told me Joe's

I read audition

okay so she's like give me like the sour look and I had a sing with the audition yet and then I share the sour look on her face and I had to sing a the line, Bruce Springsteen song to her in the audition it was so humiliating terrible and I had a girl and you know I Was Born to Run or something like that

American dream in Port Monmouth for me I left and that's when I realize I was like this this whole process for me at least is broken Mike I'm not good at this I'm not good at pretending to be someone like everybody who goes in there they they go in his people who were like air quotes working actors right you know I was on just shoot me for saying and I had a nice episode on this you know those people do like hopping around those people they develop this real slick way of talking and they don't say nice to meet you because they might already met you so they say good to see you good to see if Kyle good to see you

number of people you can keep in your head but this this this way of doing it I was recognizing it the way they would talk everyone was like super left-wing super Progressive no one explored idea you just adopted whatever everybody else was going with and ran with oh yes I agree that Hillary is so much more qualified he would just be able to just say shit like that it was just it was really strange real vs Democrat link they weren't thinking it through they just adopted this mindset and they were just sneaking their way through the system they were like exploiting little personality holes in the system and they would get become friends with casting agent and one of the casting agents with a woman I knew this one casting agent who was friends with a friend of mine and she was kind of gross

just be nice I've been conversing kinda and she fucked all these actor guys and she would get what I want to know what a lot she was doing the casting couch in Reverse right but she was like aggressive sexually aggressive with guys yeah and one of my friends to Super sexually aggressive with one of my friends is a Henrietta wineskin she you know she was she was cast in quite a few different shows yeah and she knew how to do you know how to get to work at these these exploit people these guys that were saying good to see you those guys shoot fuck those guys I don't know what it was auditioning

one show where it was like a script ago the sitcom iBook like a guest starring thing and I win I'm a terrible reader and for the read-through they do a read through the network like I don't couple days for the shoot and they gave me like oh you have 8 new lines whatever and I can I read like a third grader at the big table read through and I stand with the whole thing at fired so the only show I booked really off a typical Edition reading a script I was fired from Jesus I need so many wasted hours memorizing paying acting coaches none of it worked out for my name is why cuz I get really nervous I feel very judged I feel very uncomfortable I'm a terrible reader memorize it and then most of my time is like trying to remember it's just

basically get too nervous as we answer did you ever try to like see a hypnotist but that probably would have been a good idea cuz it wasn't mental

shut down like you know some people just react you don't can't help how you react but it's like if you can imagine you're afraid of bees for example it's like going to audition with a bunch of bees flying around you did your your body is reacting in like a fear way that's really hard to grab your facilities to act or whatever you're doing impossible

so no I get it I mean especially if you think this God this could be at this is the big moments always something that's like really important especially with an acting situation where you're supposed to pretend to be in love happy and whatever the fuck. Fuck this up and that's like the over line Mantra to all your thoughts doing it do this correct is not the great mindset where you going to do the good performance I like I thought I had

when I was about to say is going to be hilarious it was the best part of the show but this is one of the reasons why so many people are so crazy out here it's like come here crazy in the system get some crazier and then you also realize that unless you're doing something like what you're doing or you just doing your own thing on Instagram someone has to pick you to work you have to get picked which is just nuts like as Comics all we have to do is just go to an open mic night practice you know right come up with some jokes do well he come back do well you come back you just keep grindin couple years down the road you started and then a couple years after that actual thing you can do is you're good you can do it you can make a living I can't imagine just being an actor forget it

they go crazy I'll go crazy by Tyler in their forties are out of the fucking mind in the women that they feel like they have this little tiny ass hourglass and it just run a sand everyday

like you said it's not allowed him to not starting with the most secure people now almost never I got on stage cuz I was in so much pain like I literally like was but pushed I was in college I did but no friends I'm going to paint a pretty picture myself today but I yeah I wanted like attention like I really was the first impulse yeah but sometimes that leads the funny shit in the funniest people like this that pressure one way that throws you in another Direction and that that that bad feeling when you just trying to escape that bad feeling the energy in the desired Escape that bad feeling is so intense that it creates a good feeling flips to like now I let you know as soon as I don't want to be looked at

you know I think if I got into a bad spot I'd want to go on stage again but sometimes you ever feel like that like you just don't feel like being

buy crushed like that's not what happened with you and I don't feel like going on is for a long time I never I hardly took any time off but after I did my special I just filled the special in April I took a month off I didn't do any stand up for a month yeah at least like 3 weeks right like 3 maybe it might have been for weeks but I was like I'm not doing shit I went to Hawaii fucking hung out I did podcast I didn't do any stand up and it felt great it felt great that I would leave here and I'd be done I wouldn't I wouldn't have another gig to go to at night yeah I got it wasn't like overwhelming feeling looming in the background yeah

if you were going to be I'm enjoying stand up now like I feel like this Instagram give me a little confidence and bring that into my stand up cuz I think scared trying to do what people said and there was this thing where like you got to make it a sick, you got to be talked about your family what managers were like don't do the guitar don't do this to talk about your family and make something that could be turned into a sitcom ex-girlfriend says you wish a boyfriend yeah yeah trying to get people to basically put together an audition for a sitcom your your act is essentially like Tim Allen or Roseanne or whoever it was Brett Butler they put you in

and some people the confidence not to listen to I never exact elephantitis what was when the guys who like didn't want to be on a stick, I was like I didn't believe it but I I've got like out into the world without really having confidence in myself like to make a decision to do something early felt like I needed some to tell me that he does experiment explained by myself real quick where they did this Miss edited rattle around from the baby and the mom would do this baby would like it and then you can keep rattling it in the baby would start to push away and keep babies are crying all babies go through this exact thing and after the crying even keep rattling it which is like something they would never do now that the last phase of the baby is numb out and start drooling and that's how I let came into the world but I feel like I'm waking up now a little bit dark that they did that to a baby

how many people did they fuck up in the 70s I know the brown-eyed blue-eyed experiment rumor that this they told the class of kids blue-eyed people are smarter and better brown-eyed people I took kid what so then the blue-eyed people started you know doing better were behaving better the brown-eyed kid started misbehaving then they switched it up we were wrong the brown-eyed kid are the ones who are smarter and better and tell things switched so they do as a psychological shit yeah you don't really need to do experiment don't do that to do the opposite of that I know that we're talking now about like the effects on kids with the Trump thing in the Border it's so dark it's so what the fuck was Melania wearing that jacket what to think about that do you think

care do you think I do or some shit

I don't care to use I would have what in the fuck do you make a billionaire dude in 2005. She was just getting hooked up you know how to speak a little bit of English whatever go shopping all the time fuck yeah I'm a good boy bad boy I'm in Vice Premier she's the vice-president does Jesus stuff going on lot of Jesus lot more than ever

which is a legitimate thing to say I mean but just what it whatever prayer is mindfulness meditation feeling good you know just being thankful you know you're not attach it necessarily to any I'd ideology a religion it's still a good idea to think that way but people are going after

yeah like get the idea that no atheist be present and no single guys yeah but I have a family bitch otherwise we're going to do it again fuckeverybody launch bombs just to see what happens just have a single guy or gal as a present I do not I do not think it's possible it's got a stigma people would get weirded out by you how old are you your 49 you don't even have any kids you fucking weirdo and you don't even a sink even a guy who's married with no kids I think people go because you could be married with kids and I could be single and I don't feel weirded by you I don't feel like I was fucking weirdo what you doing on married with kids but it's not a normal path to be like a 55 year old

guy with no wife no kids never been married yeah no desire to cuz like when you're it seems like you're more stable people family for sure we have something your skin in the game you know you care about your kids that's true to you don't want to like blow up the world sting song the Russians love their children to do that Joe. I'll see if Inside Edition but then I will walk out of here humiliated Snoopy on Broadway going to talk about humiliating voice but they wanted to come in or something so I can smell that if I dish in the song was like sup sup sup or time sup sup sup Road literally subtle and John Bush Canadian man I walked in my door was named felt like a bomb went off and I walked on the Hoffman what happened you like me and I went in there and they were just dead silent and I did like a hold and accepts up supper time to

people just staring at me and I left and I was like what what happened in there is that a guy said that my addiction was cute and I was going to leave but then I walked back in at a panda stay blessed and I walked in and just like high you're an asshole because you said it was cute yeah he's yeah Snoopy's not mad is it is this bush characters he always like that he's always hilarious yeah like he just doesn't like he's got a nice little like a family and no house is a corporate stuff mostly now corporate gigs mainstream but they can do those corporate gigs that pay really well yeah but nobody knows about them nobody knows they're alive

like a lot of times like they're in the afternoon people are eating food but then you staying at some Best Western somewhere Kansas City to stare at the wall what they do to Canadian comedian when the environment I'm sure you've had two gigs like that were you just at a place like why did they think good for a comedian to come here terrible you done college is right the kids run it but at least 17 Again out of poster man but didn't put the date or the time on it

guess how many people showed up million a million people that's amazing I did fantastic

I asked if I wasn't I was at Amherst there was good a giant field there was one guy in a red hooded sweatshirt in the center of the field sitting Indian style and I said I don't have to do this right and she was not just go out there people here you will start coming out God one guy one guy is a tricky place that's that's the People's Republic of Amherst give you took Boulder and you moved it to Western Massachusetts that's Amherst Progressive and liberal I did not know that will they don't like comedy that's for sure we'll be right back it's too bad most people don't know that in person and nobody knows about just not anymore you don't think I'm going to take a Johnny Carson's a fucked-up thing thing up but he died

smoking like some ungodly amount of Pall Malls he just kept pumping on these Pall Malls to smoke them constantly and his gut had become distended like he was pregnant and it was just he was a rotten with cancer like his whole body was just fucked up and apparently like when he died like as he was as he was dying like last days like these goddamn cigarette own I didn't hear that cigarette poisoning himself with these things he can't keep from his face he just can't he's got to keep doing it and his body is rotting and he goes from being like America's favorite all-time talk show host he was the fucking man ain't me he was a man he goes from there to just quitting

just stopping to stop and doing it and then it becomes this weird thing he becomes this weird guy Priceless necklace what happens there how does how does one go from being The Tonight Show host to just being a recluse they never tried to do anything else right I like with Letterman's doing he's doing those things on Netflix now I haven't seen them either but I like that he's doing them I'm worried about him I'm worried he would be one of those guys you know cuz yeah he kind of vanished Cruise crazy beard I'm going to do that crazy beard yeah okay that's cool with you guys do you think these guys they just get to the point where they like I can't do this anymore it's just too much people too much pressure too much it's a lot of pressure everyday to do a show takes a certain personality exhausting I'm sure that's never been tried it can't be great I mean

get an act together that's really good so did you hear what happened today in the news that was he would make kind of fun about how bad he was Jay Leno was the best at it I really feel and that's why they extended his monologue so even though he wasn't good he was a Workhorse. Every Sunday go to Hermosa Beach Club film something and he brought me into the office and he didn't want to air it because I Stay

cuz like I did that Craig character they just bought those two like retarded or something to say for people wanting him he never swung back yeah he just roll with the punches would you do a talk show I'm doing one right now. Instagram Instagram it doesn't seem like it's fun it seems like it's too much pressure it seems like there's too many people it seems like the conversations become fake because you have 5 minutes to be cut to Commercial and they come over with cars and executive wants to talk to you in a few

are the jester I don't like the adjuster and adjuster comes out I just I think it's a dead medium I don't like it I'm not recommending it I mean you have it people should see your you should have Studio tours Jose got the pool table here we are on we got the VR goggles now HTC Vive I don't know what that is due to financial punches when it hits you though the screen goes white really it's fun there's a bunch of them there's there's archery games there's one with a lightsaber with things come out you go to slice them there yeah that's cool music

It's fucking amazing and deprivation tank you got here I do I do have that to Joe you want to tell him how we did on pool today we did really good fun game how many balls did I get into games we played ball I did get one that's not bad. You fired it went in those really emasculating Buster games it shouldn't be two things one that table I didn't tell you cuz they want to freak you out. Very tiny Pockets the pockets are much smaller than normal table has five and a half inch Pockets that table is 4 inch Pockets slightly under for so they're really small so it's hard to get a bond I told you I planted every day I really do everyday after after we're done that's how I unwind we do the podcast it's over and I go knock some balls around your best game pool

yeah I'm not going to any games that's the only game I'm pretty sure you're good at Surface Pro 3 is very different than all them because archery is like it's very much like a meditation you know it would save requires so much concentration and so many things have to be in line that has you thinking of all those different things that cleans your mind and some weird way very meditative Zen and the Art of archery no interesting book it's funny because my friend John Dudley read it and recommended it to me and he's like and he's a world-class Archer like he's just got back from Europe where they flew him out to coach various International Teams hizo like a real world class coach and Archer and South and he said he's like it's interesting it's like this book is really good but I have a feeling that the guy who wrote it wasn't really that good

archery that's fascinating but not quite and I'm like that's interesting coming from a guy who's a real master but you recognize his errors in thinking or the way you describe things or his approach Feeling by the way you never have to ask me again did you read that book I did not know that thank God some Alanis Morissette one audiobook read one book for every 7 or 8 audio books I listen to oh yeah I read one maybe sometimes I'll start off reading it and then I'll go this is too much work I'm just going to listen to it my yeah I just listen to it I don't it's like there's a lot of dead time there's a lot of time that's not being used and that time is what I'm driving I'm always driving here

I'm driving to the gym or I'm driving to The Comedy Store I'm driving to the airport I feel that up with books on tape self-help books no mostly I'm reading the Tipping Point which is a Malcolm Gladwell book and I'm also reading sapiens which is who wrote sapiens I heard someone read The Tipping Point book Tipping Point is great it's really great really interesting

and okay that's great too and also the Talent Code so another book I'm in the middle of Hector like the Tipping Point book this book sapiens fucking fantastic aliens a brief history of humankind very enlightening that Tipping Point I feel like I could have been three sentences long yeah it was it was a little you know there is I get it after while I got it I got it yeah bunch of things collide together and anything can happen in the next you know hush puppies are really popular my Tipping Point was Joe Rogan they played my Instagram videos

that's the only Tipping Point if you need to contact you in behalf of Donald Trump to do what you really are worried about when people do kill themselves you got to go okay how many times did this person think about this like yeah how how many times did they get close and they didn't I don't have that in me and I don't know why whatever whatever it is maybe it's cuz I take care of myself maybe it's genetic maybe it's cuz I live a happy life basically locked either doesn't pop up to a big I think it's a big factor I have a friend who killed himself and his brother kill himself before that and everybody loved him and it is just stunning

everybody everybody so quiet man I didn't know him that well but I knew him well enough to really like them really good guy and yeah I'm in so much pain to do that I don't know what it is it's so you know a guy like Tom Arnold who knows he might be like he might have tasted the barrel a couple of times and feel like you know what I did I wouldn't Shock Me

he's a got a lot of energy does he Tom what I've seen that played like this game it was like a big house game bunch of people and it was just run around and tag things I never quite figured it out but then he was sweating like a pig and running around having to drop dead of a heart attack I like that idea. I'm going to check it out it's not out yet right I don't think so I think is vice what is what's going on with the changes are happening so they hired a new CEO or VP or something that's so they all the program and probably change for the fall Channel

so I get the whole channel the channel I couldn't find it in my life yeah there's too many goddamn channels I'm just so much content lot of hunting shows and the outdoors shows they're all like a lot of like really Cristiano people like a lot of these hunting outdoors type the legend of Christ yeah. Just like I just want to thank you Lord for this opportunity to take down this Ram like there's a lot of that but what's funny is that on DirecTV they're only like two or three channels removed from Hardcore Pawn so it's late and it's hardcore porn hardcore porn like daddies and stepdaughters and big cocks and smallest hunt The Great Outdoors

Hunter I'm blessed about here blessed to great world in this great country blessed kill you and they have like the yeah they have the Scientology Channel now I think it's up there I did radio once I never forget this I did His Radio Show in Denver and just morning radio 4 gig like you know you do you promote a Joe Rogan going to be the Comedy Works in Denver here this weekend and then in the middle of this thing they go it's time for our Pledge of Allegiance ladies and gentlemen and so I'm sitting there like going what's happening so this is to they put the fucking hand on their heart and they go I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which is in a they get into it like full and we're we're looking at each other me and I think re or Duncan was with me and we were like what in the fuck did you go along to get play along

well I would if it was like a game or something like that and you know the stand for the flag okay I'll do it I'm in the middle of the radio show when you do a pledge of allegiance on what the fuck is this did you stay stay stay cuz whenever I do those radio shows we would just meet downstairs cuz you know you got to be in the morning but we would meet downstairs and get barbecue Adventure it was like everything was free when was scaring the people and it was always like all right to the driver like okay who's the biggest dick head you've ever had to drive cuz it's always like one story.

it was always you hear a bunch of them but like disgruntled angry people and one of them was always Richard jeni there was always a Richard Janet sewing project he never wanted to be that guy he never wanted to be the road he wanted to be that guy who put together the act that got him the Jerry Seinfeld sitcom right and meanwhile he was one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time you saw him a bunch of times when I was coming up in a bunch of times in in clubs and he was a fucking killer like one of us unheralded and unappreciated underappreciated stand-ups of all time he's like one of my all-time favorites but it was bumming me out I would hear that he was miserable you want to talk to anybody like the couples making pancakes and he he blew his face off he was still alive he liked it at his went wrong Christ bring the room down

so you went under the chin yeah that happens like more often and he just take the face fuck taking the face Jesus Christ

yeah that's another one another guy who killed himself crazy

that you know it's so common it's so, it's hard to be a person and where the first species that knows we're going to die very well aware of are the contending death that's not right there you need to medicate that species have you looked at like a chart like the evolution of monkeys this first level of primate we got to help me out there doing just something to get very religious which is good but some of them we got to medicate this group we used to Die Young so is like you would get a good deal if Tyler has don't have to work all day to get the mail and then collapse was sitting around and think about this

fuck yourself getting older everyday it's happening I love it you love aging I love it what's your favorite part of the pain or the I like the pain I like tired. I do like though I do feel more comfortable and I'm feeling less anxious in some ways more another pretty even though you're more aware of things but then you're also going to be more aware of your impending demise we don't live long enough like we live 500 years I thought about the first hundred years to fix like your child's and stuff in it would you like a hundred year old and be like fucking 100 year olds don't know shit she's been around if you are 5 years old you were dating a 30 year old people be like what the fuck is wrong with you

you couldn't do it but why not she's a grown ass woman she's 30 years old that's a grown ass woman right I got 30 year old to date a 50 year old to date a 60 year old and he likes you better be rich a seventy-year-old like something might be going on yeah I don't feel like we mature after 25 men

myself I don't know that there is a certain requirement of a lack of maturity to be funny to be like like some of the shit that you did in those videos like when I would not do you like driving with a clean record now cuz Bruce killed that fucking ladies man I mean which is I wonder if that's the case I don't know what happened in that case but the video doesn't look great I miss an accident obviously but now it's horrible that family must be like to to have that happen to them they lose their loved one and then to see her just like completely like his hero of the year and honest man I go hard does a show called a lost in transition which I recommend highlights people transitioning and it's a lot of old

people like in the fifties and stuff there's a lot of sex anymore even said yeah sex is kind of like doesn't matter why snippety snip I don't know but the they say that they become like teenagers when they do Transition as I can. Where they're feeling this account teenage feel like coming into their own finally but they're older men you don't have this. Caitlin their kind of got caught it on that show a little bit take your kind of like a new person I guess you feel like that and it's time that I feel like this is about George Washington have wooden teeth I'm sure did that's the best they had but I think you hear about that if you heard about a guy today that I wouldn't tease book with the fuck is that kind of a dentist the fuck is he do they have implants again Realty yes crazy

feel like there is going to be a time maybe not in our lifetime so maybe shortly after where you know that use crispr or some Gene editing material something like that way they can actually turn you into a woman

well we want you go through puberty can alter your jeans now what mostly what they're doing now is there they're doing work with embryos and their they are planning on altering people from the jump like from the time they're born but as that technology gets better when they've they've actually started introducing certain genes in the people that didn't have them before in order to fix certain elements or alterations in jeans till like to try to combat certain life-threatening diseases like all these things around the table and it's I think it's just a matter of time before they come up with the technology that allows someone to completely alter their their actual sex I would I have things that alter by myself but would you check first I'd be hot as fuck would you be hot in like a like nobody likes you way or like like

store he came out on a plane he came in he looks too big for hair and equipped it back and I'll take it for you it's not you could do that recalibrates you like what you see is good looking when you see actual cuz his wife was there and she's as model cuz it we see your face everyday like I'm looking for gorgeous people I was staring at them for like 20 minutes real creepy like and then I went to the bathroom and I must be calibrated I look like a monster mattress anyway yeah I would not change any personality I would make myself a better person I would just make myself gorgeous so that's all that matters to me Joe would you like her about would you be built like the rock I'd be ripped his shit I mean I'm pretty

huge right now with giant hog would you have to take like 10 inch fog right now you put on the table you hear it nice like that guy was at Tommy boat Horn of this cock Tommy Lee I didn't get a nice actually don't care about that I'm at think if I had something mutated but right doesn't like his own as long as you're in that zone if you don't want to be micropenis you don't be too big that it's you don't want to hurt people yeah I hate having it at 12 because I have to I can only get the tip in it sucks

especially for the tip inside a beer can yeah they go fat boy

wrong with us 500 channels right now yeah how is that not dead yet that's probably kids their parents aren't looking and they just rack it up or guys who just want 4K and a big screen have not had enough time gone by week notice the effect of online porn well for sure with pubic hair

pubic hair vanished that's in her influence in our culture is the absence of pubic hair like if you had a Time scientist from the future and they're studying the time. Between 1990 and 2018 the most confusing thing would be what happened to the pubic hair cuz there's no historical record nobody discussed it and Tristan just started hacking off their pubes how do you feel about the bald situation it's normal I mean when I was down there it was a disaster would touch their like when you were going down on a girl or you were up going around you put your hand down your pants and you feel it outside the underwear it was like an afro in there but you had like a covering over like the forest buffer has like somebody threw like Jackson 5 haircut somebody threw a parachute over Tree Tops and you could just

yeah I was an adult when I really like I thought it was just like a Barbie doll like I didn't really know that there's so much going on until

it was a funny moment when I was in high school it was girl that I was dating at the time was actually right after high school and she had this guy that she's I'd really like fool around a bunch of times like you know full round for round for humans fooled around. She has a boyfriend that you take for a while and this boyfriend apparently got her to shave her pussy and she will wear full dress I can I can I go you can show me what and she was like shave ugly made you shave I want you to see it so embarrassing I don't give a shit on there but it was weird sounds like that yeah

yeah it was but it was it was just chaos was coming back wax that all the time it's really it's a shame that the shave their legs that the shave everything whatever everything is got hair on it me to hasn't hit that area well that's not what it is me to is about sexual harassment assault said I'm supposed to be about grooming choices and it's so ridiculous I haven't been reading up on a chair that thought of me too I was just a 10-minute like girls were like him the armpits with it you have to give me a super extreme and not shave the legs yeah and to let your ass here just grow

just got to be a reckless person yeah you don't care you're running crazy jungle ass whole hair in terms of grooming a hundred percent clean your wife that I'm not shaving anymore would you have to talk would you say I thought okay maybe one

I got to figure out a way to get her to play with wax or something like that just rip it all out there help Blazers

you're right it seems like that's how they get rid of it right is laser hair removal but imagine there's like a gun you can just drive down the street and shoot people's hair off to think that the salt eyebrows.

Missouri to address all those shooting a laser beam that's how you get LASIK surgery which sounds insane to me some of them but I think some of them they do would I think there's two different ways to do it I think sometimes they do it with an actual scalpel like a blade and I don't know if they think that that's more precise I don't know why they ask about laser before LASIK surgery was don't look at a fucking laser beam laser pointer burn hole in Young Boys II story going around it's a nine-year-old and Greece has actual hole burned into his eyeball what the fuck was crazy lasers out that like

I know that you know remember they went crazy in the 90s everyone was buying red pointer lasers there's a new version of them that are really high powered I think you can live stuff on fire if it's above like lip balms on fire with these crazy ones that this same could use but the new high-level videos with him what the fuck do you do with as I know cuz you just have a hole in it forever decrease Vision so just has a hole in his vision forever yeah I guess he is alright a large macular hole in the retina is left on child support to play with the green laser pointer P Diddy gazing into the laser beam they're right because of the large size of the whole the doctors decided on a conservative approach rather than surgery fuck fucking your eyeballs open your little kid cuz some asshole parent wants to play with her phone and let that kid shoot laser beams in the Bible

do you go to the store and buy what the fuck are you doing with your kid you got kids that scares me to make sure that you know they're safe going to do it soon I got to go back and forth I don't hear good reviews about leaving her like a queen do it it's great it's always get ready to change your life you got to get ready for sleep are you how long are in 1/2 what's good does she want them 20 should be 28 in August nice young I know it's young but she pursued me just get that out of there keep talking how did it go how to go down at Channel 5 92

I feel like such a sweaty well if she wants to have kids she still young and fertile you probably shoot a live one in there make a person

set a technical term yeah yeah yeah yeah

thanks Doc keep her legs up in the air you want to make sure yeah who's down there is that a true thing at idle and back it makes sense

and I like to have kids I would someday you don't have some day when you're 47 you really don't have some day cuz one of the things about autism is a lot of his own father Tim such as the age of the mother is the age of the father I feel like I've been in a coma and a disease where you fall asleep for 20 years you wake up that's how I feel I don't know I don't know where those years when I feel like I woke up recently and I'm like wow this is because you weren't doing what you wanted to do cuz you were just doing a bunch of other the years just kept piling up maybe I mean do you feel at Vegas baby kids you can track your life a little easier maybe it's good enough kids it sort of seems like one chunk fast the kids you can Mark years with your kids is if we really do live to be 80 90 100 of your fucking really lucky

if you have $100 it goes quick you buy a sandwich buy some a drink and get some chips and you go to the movies and then you don't have enough for dinner yeah it's like a dollar here a dollar there a year is not that long it's 365 days it happened so quick next thing you know it's 2 years and then it's five years and then 10 years later and then 30 years later and then then you got to get your hip replaced huh what you going to do your saying I got to give me think you've already done your getting your shit in order right I mean I think I think what you did was starting to centigram page like deciding that you can't keep this gig anymore is very brave and smart you realized it I appreciate that I don't feel like it's Brave I feel like I was like that fear and not be able to sleep and I was forced that's how it feels well it's probably

whatever the fuck it is your body the fate of the universe whatever it is. Just telling you like you you're not you can't do this anymore you can't you know you just listen to some people don't ever listen man they just start medicating themselves yeah and they just drone out they take ssris and they just show up and they just they just get everything becomes like a dull medium and they just keep doing it over and over and over again yeah

I am glad I feel right now really thankful and blessed to have any able to do shows people coming out it's just you know for years it was like up and down all over the place and now I feel like I do have some kind of following that I can directly contact no you definitely do and it's going to keep growing I mean you keep putting out the videos of you're going to keep growing now the day exist before and one of the things that I think is really cool about today versus when I started I started an 88 is that there's there's not like a competitiveness with comedians instead it's like a hyper supportiveness everybody's quick to tell you about people who are really good everybody wants everybody to know this like it's there's no famine anymore cuz I think before

was only one tonight show or a letterman and there was a sitcom and everybody was scrambling for there's not that anymore that's an interesting point I didn't thought of that now it's like everybody has a YouTube channel or a Twitter page or an Instagram thing or a podcast they're all doing their own thing and instead of

being competitive with other comedians everybody's like everybody has everybody on their shows like like all these guys that have top podcasters we all do everybody's show I'm always either Joey does my shower I'll do his show or I'll do Tom show or he'll do my show or I'll do Duncan shower Hill do my date's like constant back-and-forth and everybody support it it's because it's it doesn't hurt anybody it's just helps the more like if I if I tell people you got to check out Kyle. Dunagan's Instagram page they're going to go to say he's right it's good for me cuz they know that I'm not going to bullshit them and it's good for anybody else too and it's also good because it's good for me because I want you to do really great cuz I want more of those funny videos to watch I feel like giving you cash

luckily I just keep keep taking dives in pool

guitar game it's been awhile since I play that's my has one of those games you're not supposed to take time off of that fucking stupid game supposed to it's a game that you have to play Everyday play again play in a year maybe after the show you play better because you'll be thinking about what you did wrong I definitely yeah it was still there an ultimate goal what you want to do with full stand up my pool go off I mean I'd love to just build the audience and the two bigger venues so I don't have to travel so much I'd like to just have like a life and be able to do the whole weekend gigs then come back yeah I have enough money to be comfortable those Thursday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday you're alone 4:20

3 hours then you have too much attention for an hour then you're alone for 23 hours for the gym if you're like a Hermit you're in real trouble A lot of people do I think that's what I always make sure that I actually size and always make sure I do something go out do something and makes a giant difference yeah I feel way better in person root I need a routine without having a boss or like a job I need a routine to stay on the road you bring somebody with you like an opening and I can't really afford at this point that's another thing like me to get a bigger and you can bring friends too

I jog there right by my bike there by myself do you have a basket where you put all your stuff in the front that little thing laying on the road a long time ago cuz I had a couple of gigs that I did and the local guys were so terrible and it was it made it so much more excruciating just as no idea what the fuck they're doing is a roto start some funny I had a great middle guy luckily in the last thing I did where were you the American Comedy San Diego great let's play Spot insofar malaria to write

I'm up San Diego. Yeah like it's bloated like the number one city to live in it's so fucking great place cuz it's like a city but it's not too big and has a little bit of traffic but it's not crazy perfect weather Beach if you want to see everything got restaurants people are cool also the military's they're never going to get attacked Pearl Harbor Freight cocaine you get gray cocaine there psychedelics cuz I've never done them but you smoke pot smoke pot I eat it at night help me sleep try those sprays like John bow breath praise Nam marijuana sprays wish I knew I would have brought some for you the way to go get free sprays now did you mention that I would do that

do I love you know Reebok sneakers and the help they send me those people send you stuff it's like the

and I you keep I want them to send that to like a homeless person or something well I just don't want him to send it to me know we can work out thing where you give it to me okay then don't worry about it and then you'll just have like fucking Kanye wear a 2400 like Monster drink cases product placement

I'm going to monetize to I'd like to like keep it I mean it were joking. Like I have Caitlin just drinking Monster drinks what I wouldn't chop off is this

I wonder if that does happen I happen to my dog I got to fix he became very listless healer while he was at the time he was 5 when I got his

is my God I got a tiny dog which isn't a great look for a man but what kind of dog love it that's a pug chihuahua mix song The Way I talk to my dog as an excuse It's offense of me as a man like I tell myself her paws and this just came out of me I went Stinky's that came out I'm a grown man I just like I asked her if she's licking her stinky I just think they don't know it was even think it is like pinkies I think you making your pinkies called talk like this but maybe this is my truth part of a dog is about to die

I have one of my one of my dogs is 13 he's a Mastiff and he's it's really bad he can't walk anymore it takes like for him to come in to eat it takes several minutes several minutes of him walking you know 5 6 yds it's like we adopt these terminally ill children could you attach to the kid is going to die at 14 I have him whenever another dog is also very old who's a Shiba Inu English Bulldog mix he's a little bit better but he still problems walking as well but then I have Marshall who's a year and 6 months and he's golden retriever is the total opposite he just fucking leaps into the pool and it runs around the pool and circles and he goes Running With Me In The Hills And so fucking just a ball of energy and love and happiness and you just get to see him

at the stage and I'm like damn one day Marshalls going to be 13 I'm going to see Marshall like these dogs knows it's going it's going to be a just a giant struggle so it's hard really hard hard man I don't know why it was like to have kids but I feel like very I get really attached to my in the dogs. Times a million

the kids it's it's that * 9 things that changed with me is the way I look at people

because I always considered people just and I meet you you're 47 I just stay well Kyle's 47 so it is but I don't I didn't know you when you were too you know and now when I meet people and I'm me feel like I meet some old ass hole I like that old dick head he's filled baby he was a baby he became this old dick head like so how did this happen like what what went wrong and I'm so much more compassionate I'm so much more ice I care about people so much more and I care about I think I give them more of a break I give people weigh more of a break and I noticed this is something that I don't see as much in single guys who don't have children in the world is Doggy Dogg you're competing for your career you're competing for love interest you're competing for this and that and everybody like fuck that guy and fuck him and have eyes trying

nobody nobody looks at people and go all that could have been my son the ass that's a little baby that became this weirdo 28 year old man that's when they hear about having kids that is very attractive to me that does shift your perspective and massive was whole new massively one life change who I am and it just it in permanently he scared of autistic thing that really sucks. Well it's real you know there's a correlation is correlation between older men and senses of autism you get the percentage does get some statistics for you I mean look a lot of people and it's going to help for sure that your shoot your light one down there

I just get the two years get the two years you guys have been together a year-and-a-half the goalie Bam Bam Bam from the free throw line

yeah it seems like a important life experience to have it is in the shop for everybody in one of things that used to drive me crazy when I was single is people would say you know you have to have kids you don't have kids you not living a normal life that's crazy that's so stupid that is such a. Like the idea that you can't be a complete human being less you recreate

recreate regrets what I'm looking for out there I was having trouble with Annika outgoing person and never get married and never have a kid. You just have to have good friends and enjoy what you do there's nothing wrong with that so I always drive me crazy call we wasn't married or had kids I was like huh

do you burp alot getting me to do or are you just don't know you're wrong you purple there's no God okay and if you put the ribs spray like everything I do agree with a lot of what he says

you're a smart guy that showed up weird show everybody talking over each other five people on panel whatever it is for notified so many people you see the total of Sam and energy will you also was like kind of red and thick ya neck was sick like listen when you're 40 whatever the fuck age he is and you want to pack on that kind of muscles is only one you got a fucking take that plunger for a bank and I think you just was hyper aggressive virtue signaling and really didn't even know what the fuck you're talking about clearly picked the wrong guy God I would never argue with Sam Harris

pissing me off I want a guy who smarter than me could be president. This whole thing about I want I want to go for this guy can relate to him he's like me I don't want a guy like me the Gwen a babysitter like I want a babysitter I want someone who's Superior exactly I mean he's very meditative Sam and Mom and I firmly believe no one should be present I think they should be counseled as people I love that idea like the fucking eight people or something it's really really smart people that you know how I think they should all have to do mushrooms all of them about that I have to do psychedelic experiences all of them should behind can it not not do mushrooms while they're on the job but have in the past with the understanding there's more to life than this thing that's part of the platform the person needs to be like I did try my

who wrote dos okay yeah I love that I really think the mushroom thing as necessary but but consider it wise objective people that care and have a deep sea deep sense of responsibility to sort of guide our country in the best way possible I pay them for their own interest exactly I put Neil deGrasse Tyson on this will be great will you be great for some sort of a role as a science educator in the government anyways some we'll see what's great about Neil is he's one of the first guys in our lifetime that made science fun made made astrophysics interest is so enthusiastic he's a great guy know if we have of aliens like one guy today

send Neil deGrasse Tyson he's also even even though like you be talking to someone is you know just doesn't understand what he's saying he's not elitist exactly either way he argued his is caring about the time like he's like that when the camera is off he's just a great guy and what Chloe has it rarely to someone is like really smart have his he's a big laugher like the fucking jacked he's an all-around quality human

we didn't argue about things you don't understand either you know like if Sam has a conversation and say you like to have a conversation with someone about whatever the fuck it is some some discipline that's outside of his room and then he'll ask questions but if you talk to you about something he's arguing it's because he understands what he's talking about you that's that's a rare quality manager so many people that want to argue about shit that they really don't even understand you know I don't think there's anything wrong with discussing things you really don't understand that especially if you're doing it in casual conversation or even a podcast but there's a lot of fucking people that argue shit and they're just trying to win you know they're just trying to score points yeah

then I really talk it right get a lot of that right I do it a lot

but I'm more aware of it watching people who don't do it you learn Pizza normal thing you get caught up in your idea and you want your idea to be right back and then you kind of like Chase down all the evidence that would show that your ideas right you see this all the time when someone gets accused of something and we don't know exactly what happened you see these are the groups of people that automatically want to think that person is guilty and automatically have a preconceived idea of what went down how it went down regardless of what the other person said like you paid the only want to look at it one way just gets weird real weird with people information you have to be at to be a little more

you know what hashtag fake news hashtag hashtag I'll come by I'll get smarter and come back what kind of smart you going to get book smart and get Sam Harris Neil deGrasse Tyson smart if I give you a pill in the pill would make you super smart but you wouldn't be funny anymore would you take it

what would I be happy but no one can decide whether or not you're going to be happy but you what am I going to try again that's up to you Kyle Dunning and I don't think I could take it I think there's something more portable oxygen when I was born and they were like this when we have to wait and see if you still were talking and I started talking to his all right. Like I was born a genius got a little retarded and I have my kind of normal

it's just a theory but my retarded thing is not be a bad Theory super smart or not to roll the dice better brains some people that are just really good at Malachi's a friend my friend Johnny you could just yell out math problems to him is 5 - 600 / 3/16 the calculator and they would try to keep up he could do it as fast as someone can type any with a calculator it was bizarre and useless

tell him we need you as a calculator free will book that kind of that's a mind fart that's my it really isn't your mind doesn't want to believe that it's like not believing in heaven that you want to believe that it's hard to

this is hard but there's definitely so much luck involved in who your parents were high or raise life experiences for sure you know whether or not you've ever been attacked assaulted robbed with any been any accidents or you got Gravely injured of this so many variables of just fortunate just lock them on Dance Moms and biting whatever yeah there's there's so many things that you just fucking like well look brawl lucky were here we weren't born in the jungle Guatemala somewhere absolute yeah we're just lucky me your ear you want a huge one in the Twin Lottery be born and then the people in the US at this time with air conditioning and GPS is why don't we were of your science more that if there's a God he's saying I'm rewarding you every time you listen to science and yet so much of religions are against science I don't know look I don't know

hey nobody comes back from the dead after 3 days hey people can't really walk on water hey why did he turn water into wine why didn't you just make wine he's fucking Magic

I never thought of that

Richard bro we try to get fucked up just making some of those magic robes for the Miracles were sorta like stupid they're horrible

it was the best do the thing back in the eighties called The Power Team for Jesus and what they were was use dudes that would do like Feats of Strength for Jesus like they would their fucking break bricks with their head they would I rip phone books in half day lift up heavy weights do it for Jesus wow but just getting the power he's magic he's got magic like he's not going to be impressed by you breaking a board with your extra thick skull you fucking well look at one of my children down there you never heard of them know I used to watch them all the time they were all like this religious Channel and I still watch the Power Team for Jesus going why in the fuck is this that's amazing it was so if you have you found anything on it and a good a good one this is the 3rd Street Promenade

yeah I see a break bread for the Lord I do use my head oh yeah they really making a mess for Jesus who drops an elbow down this trick is not great in the face so stupid that's a lot of PID is a Christian rock band

oh Go lyrics

Here comes the boom yeah it's Brooks refunded phone books in half for Jesus has been to the bar but you just is going to love this and by the way this is this is a newer Power Team this is not the original Power Team Park in 2.00 is it for the older guys are dead from steroids how to look at is the fucking ball at bro by the way I noticed that right the gym pants

for I was walking in the door shut behind me bro

Jesus

Took the blinders

enroll them right off my eyes

an inside of that bar for the first time in my life I saw the world would have really had to offer me you wanted was a big fat zero I got in my car with my wife we got inside our apartment my wife went and sat on the couch I Pace back and forth in the living room

it's just buy them and I was turning down at the salad place

this is for people wear pro wrestling little tube the game wrestling just too many people too many moving pieces it hurts my brain I like this huge crowd dude that's like 20-plus thousand people that plays Giant in the wrong business yeah like they lift things up for the Lord I would have in the mall at bro

he did more roids and got rid of his head grew its foreheads larger multiple throw him into a pit or something

this is crazy I wonder if it's the same speech every gives a different one every time

oh my God that's the same guy bro mullet guys are behind them maybe they're twins the tag team partners

the first time I ever saw the music on Jerry Springer or something or on Jerry Springer sometimes to find out who the baby daddy

yeah yeah yeah from them the Kardashians DMG sod DM it was Kanye you see the blue checkmark in like of Jesus Christ I would snap a photo and I'm tired of yeah I would love that would you obviously yeah I mean I feel like I have a moment of panic after I'm done when it's all super paranoid and I bet I got some mean in the last one was my Caitlyn Jenner pet II by the way love that bit when I saw this how you know it's a good band

and now you're all I got the angle I can't I had to think for so long how to do that and that's the way to do it was just to chit on myself first and then also I have a lot of Truth in it about how like I've never been happier but I've never been more of a bit I live in the house filled with girls it was all women in my house I don't I have zero say where things go or what color things are talk it's easier to just let them run thought I might want them to be happy and I don't need my masculine energy everywhere and it's also one of the nice things about this place yeah this place is clearly like a big ol this is a bro Warehouse bro bro Warehouse so I felt like oh that's the thing because they're turning me softer for sure like women living with all these women have changed the way I communicate and

my manhood was amount of marbles like everyday they take to seeing where this is going and then I then I said okay this is what it is that's where the bit as the bit is I'm not going out like Bruce Jenner and then I'm like maybe maybe or maybe if you live with crazy bitches long enough you fucking become one clue we going crazy you live in crazy people its entire so that bit was one of the ones or after I released it like a poor girl and she doesn't need me to pretending that she got to do is buy demons in the mail tonight while she sleeping

it was so fun to do was also fucked-up it to do because in order to do it I literally had to think like a demon like I would I would think like I was trying to seduce her Legos alekos like whisper in your ear like a demon like

we would like you better watch out there's no effect on that one of us you can just do that that's really hard I can't be one of you I was born a man you see the old license footage of the old Kardashian shows and Bruce will come in at Yale girls in your makeup and then just off apparently all these cross-dressing that whole time yeah since he was younger I buy one of the guys was in the Olympics for them that you know they had everybody was right it up back then everybody I mean they said they just one of the things that happens to men when they take large doses of steroids is that your testosterones shuts down your body to shut down oh yeah and there's a a real there's a depression. There's a lot of weird things that happen to men one of those things that happens

producing way more estrogen you get something called bitch tits ever see that comes from introducing too much exhaust just took testosterone in your system your body start producing estrogen to sort of balance it out and in that process you wrote it's literally so what this person from the name the person who it was but they were saying that all of this happened right when Bruce got off steroids like right after the Olympics like you saw these this transition taking place where he was just baffled and confused why I heard that when he was a kid who steals mom's or sister closed let me know if you're in that like must be awful I really like really feel comfortable like making I don't make fun of my car Jenna tell her something but like she's really a ridiculous person like you decide

we're getting a transgender thing like she's really funny how about the fucking kill the lady and never bring it up that yeah that is all the conversations after all the interviews afterwards it was in this existential crisis of having accidentally killed someone and being at this point your life you're like oh my God I don't have much time to live I just sent some woman to her grave because I wasn't paying attention to my Escalade that never got brought up that what you felt because it didn't seem like it it's slow down at all in public and I feel horrible and I'm going to take care of this family as I'm out I'll try

you're so good at that impression you could do her on stage and you don't even need like the face swap like people just are laugh and I didn't know what you're doing I did at Largo I got fully dressed up and I put my glasses on and exact alpacas is Backstage on Mike I was going to go and he's like I've done a woman then I'll just say this it's a longer fall when it fails which is true of like if you get all dressed up and you bomb it's like

has scared me Darkness. It's ridiculous enough that you could Point things out like when people are clamored about what a great person Hillary Clinton was I might do you know that she didn't endorse gay marriage until 2013 she was against against gay marriage fucking ridiculous person there's hundreds of videos of her lying I mean like you hear what she said me hear the truth is like that call me investigation with the FBI founded delete any emails Benghazi just just not an honest person maybe that's part of the job I don't know but that. If you bring that up to people they have less of an argument with Caitlin bring up the fact that she's against gay marriage and people go wait what no are you serious like yeah, play something and then you play us a mom or more traditional girl

it really is so mind-blowing that it went over can't I can only wrap my head around that's got to be a joke I can't believe it seem to care that much. Slide I didn't see how fucking ridiculous that is very hypocritical it's crazy it's crazy is what it is it's like mentally unstable there's there's the bad processing going on I've been there's no sensor or empathy to put that on the screen right there you just crazy to me has always been who gives a fuck right are we pretending that they don't love each other like what are we doing are we pretending that it's a Moral Moral thing then we have a real argument right like what is morality if it's not two people that love each other you have a problem the fact that they're they're both boys they've done scientific studies that have shown that there's different a different pattern to the way

the brain thinks they can show the difference in the way it's freshly quiz trans kids and trans people there there were showing with f MRIs and all these different ways of measuring like their brains appear to work more like a woman's brain and then there's something going on but it's not as simple as delusions yeah barely something going on where they're attracted only to the same sex it's like a biological issue and this issue is it exists so to pretend that they're supposed to ignore that for your benefit right Todd go Todd Glass out of a great are insightful things a lot of people that know he was gay as we heard guys talking or people who are like you know homophobic whatever and his point of view is like he thinks a lot of the a lot of this is from people imagine the act and their grossed out and really bothers them

and he was saying do you want to imagine your sister giving a blowjob know it's disgusting but you want her to feel loved and you wanted to have that happiness and that's all he was like asking for I thought that was it's like opening a lot of times too it's just lack of exposure to gay people when you're young and particular you know family and other people and liked it when I was a kid I got really lucky I live in San Francisco from the time was 7 to 11 and we were on a lot of gay people my next door neighbor's Were Gay and they would get naked with my aunt they would play the Bongos there was smoke pot play the Bongos is there a San Francisco or a lock in the 70s so to me gay people are just like it was a normal thing it was just the skies guy this guy's black this guy's oldest got you know what to say to a person just different kind of person and then I moved to Florida when we

country I moved to plant stupid and these people that I live out of my friend his name is Candy candido and he was a Cuban kid and his dad was fucking super homophobic so I went over his house once after school to play and his dad was like can't believe these fucking faggot want to get married this shit is did throw in the newspaper down on the table and I remember I was I was 11 and I was like what's wrong with this fucking dummy why does he care like why is this bothering him at all I didn't even make sense to me yeah but a lot of people real rage Underneath It All what you think they're scared of being gay I don't want anybody after they just it's just just put it off and I'd be like the ACT disgusting like that all sex is disgusting and they all of it you doing it wrong I am yeah I have to show you some of the kids yet

30 years of trying to put in the butt like you supposed to have to know 40 minutes somewhere on there when wrap it up I'm going to grab her huh this week four times wow afterwards we'll put it up on iTunes and upload to Youtube in a little bit I got a whole thing going but I have too many guests requests like this almost too many and I love doing it so just do a bunch of them for your favorite gas. Dave says wow this is great

I don't have one

and I'm so lucky I've had so many great guess I really don't have a favorite yeah you do you know yeah I just never did Sam Harris pression has replaced her real voice in my mind if I see her I don't even when I can well I got mine

yeah I'm not sure what you sounds like anymore might be different so do you have mapped out future ones that you're working on right now Coppell actually have like a song I just recorded that I heard that she hits from the ladies tees I don't want it to not be true but that's what I heard so I wrote a song about her hitting from the ladies to give up internet cuz my phone is broken I need internet to I could deal world for me right now okay Jamie can look something up will know it's in my email oh you need our Wi-Fi password yeah it died it doesn't do phone calls I got Wi-Fi but that's it and it dies sometimes for no reason I went to the AT&T store before I got to go to the Apple Store this a major problem this is an interesting but anyway

power cord next to you too I had my phone break my phone broke in Hawaii cuz I was I just dropped it too many times to start making random phone calls I could open the contacts screen and start calling people and I don't hang out and possibly outside hang up Lucky's no one of my contacts I don't like but when it did that I had to it and then it totally stopped where wouldn't let me punch in my code to unlock it was a locked wooden recognize my face was like fuck you was dead so I ordered one and I had to get it shipped and I was in Lanai which is a really small island so takes a few days to get like a an iPhone there took 3 days but was beautiful 3 days best three days you're so funny I just found Ricky I'm sorry she was talking about.

golf with you for 30 years before Caitlin Nelson said I know how you hit so it wasn't Prejudice it would allow her to hit from the minute I think if you're on a box you can easily as an athlete you can't answer for her part Jenner said she'd hit from either box depending on how the group voted and women's T100 and don't worry she dominated everyone on the links Sexes Pro Olympic gold medalist even though she's 7 years old in a woman when she went through puberty is admission at the man muscles in the man skeleton the store. It's all the muscles are gone is the world premiere I will pay the whole thing in life baby

I'm going to shoot the video by next to a nice West Coast

what is the latest C closer I don't play golf

driving the cars

what's in with that Kyle Dunnigan you're funny motherfucker man I'm glad you listened to that terrible feeling that you had the middle of the night I am feeling I'm really glad I don't know what's going on my phone. Kyle Dunnigan one on Instagram Twitter I don't really think Kyle Dunnigan on Instagram in the midwest buy it from them Reach Out for real I can't change once you get verified you can't change it so you can go really yeah we'll talk I'll let you know

thank you friends for two needs of the podcast and thank you to our sponsors thank you to LegalZoom go to legalzoom.com use the code word Rogan in the promo box and you can save 10% with LegalZoom friends and family discount right now just go to legalzoom.com use the promo code Rogan in the checkout in the promo box for a limited time and save 10% at legalzoom.com LegalZoom where life meets legal we are also brought to you today by SimpliSafe thank you to SimpliSafe and you can learn more about SimpliSafe today at simplisafe.com Rogan that's simpli safe.com Rogan to protect your home and family with an A+ home security system simplisafe.com Rogen and

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go to the cash app please gentleman download it for free and get boosted get your free cash card select your Boost and don't forget when you download the cash app enter the reward code Joe Rogue one word you will receive $5 in the cash app will send $5 to Justin wrens fight for the Forgotten charity building Wells for the pygmies in the Congo all right thank you everyone for TuneIn I appreciate the fuck out of you I hope you enjoyed the shows as much as I enjoy doing them and that's it preciate you guys and gals and everybody else by