#1362 - Lenny Clarke

Oct 7, 2019

Lenny Clarke is a legendary Boston comic and actor.

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t.com Rogen shop movement ever scroll blue light filtering glasses protect your eyes and look great doing it go to MV M t.com / Rogan and join the movement my guest today is a legend in the stand-up comedy world of Boston and just one of the greatest and most funniest guys I've ever met in my life it's not a word most funniest it's definitely not how you said he's fucking awesome give it up for Lenny Clarke

The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day

that's right how are you brother about Joe I gotta tell you let me stop by say thank you my pleasure I I can't believe the amount of people that stopped me since I did your pocket you can you ask me a couple years ago I didn't know podcast was so I did that from the moment I left here I went down to Venice Beach guys were watching the park has in their car I can buy a year ago so then everywhere I go for captains of industry with the homeless guy really did have a squiggles Lenny Clarke I saw in the Rogan podcast you're awesome and I'm horn honks guys are phones now let's kind of go how did you see it because I said it sitting on the YouTube well you know the progress of Technology homeless guys have phones in the watch YouTube oh shut up don't matter who she goes he's trying to rush me out of the studio the other day and I said wow you know I'm not gonna mention invoke you oh my god you'll shoot them you talked about me I'm wrong and everyone called then he was all excited so we said say hello hello Maddox he said maybe in the morning yeah in Boston yeah he ever since I'm back in the day when I was delivering newspapers matting the morning

the radio you still listen to on the radio when I was on my paper route him and Charles Lockwood era although the mattress morning mattress mattress yeah in mock parental who Mark pass away yes she did not want to see him a week before he was at the Mass General and I want him Tony you know Adam laughing and then I said do you have the atheist now so I shall kiss you good-bye I love him but I'm not here for the trip with you he was so he did the five after five funnies ya blew up comedy I mean every time I did that show him a lot he was a great great guy and they also had the comedy Riot WBZ comedy run exactly right you yeah yeah yeah everything on the radio this dish though is doing this is like costume was 20 years ago that's how big it is I mean I mean really people from all walks of life while especially kids Madam the Millennials I don't even know what they have but they love the show man what comes after the Millennials what's the new thing wide I'm just glad we go about Generation X

like that what do you I don't know I'm a baby boomer your baby I'm a baby boomer Italy 66 alright great well not bad for 66 right congrats thank you Miss Lee on the Coke and bald okay here's a fucking chicken I think im gonna donate the body to science just so you can see save the others you're gonna run some tests on yeah I thought I'd make it no one thought I'd make it past 25 all your era was such a great era of stand up

we've talked about that so many times but you guys in the fucking 80s really before I came along because I came along in 88 and you guys before I came along you were fucking partying hard well you know Joe it was like you could do whatever you want yeah comp we started comedy in Boston so there were no rules and if there any rules we break the rules and we made up our own rules and that's why today you see how it is that today I really enjoy working theaters but the club's you know the other day disperse

and how come I hate people say it's over heckles you know why cause I hate them I don't want to deal with them I want to do the show I want to create I want to make sure but they throw you off you're getting going and they break him and you say shit that you and they start crying but why are you fucking with me I'm not trying to do show Fear yeah yeah I don't approach I'm starting to know plane had a guy I did a thing for Dana Farber the other night raise more money than they have a race it was great it was in all thanks to Serena farmer Dana-Farber it's cancer cancer research you know it's like the Jimmy fund and stuff like that so that's what I said sure I'll do it so it was nice with big event the Mandarin Oriental fantastic living and this guy comes up to because you know Everyone likes you but I hate you I want to rip your face off and I go hey it's nice to meet you too right so he grabs my water I got you can have and I walk away to take a picture so I come back and he's you what I like about you can have a nice you know I don't know why people like you but I hate you and I

rip your face off I go yeah we yeah I said we had this conversation so not people how much hey Lenny can we talk get the fuck away from City screaming at people gets you you attacked my father on stage 20 years ago on a Thursday night at Granite like some gonna bail I don't remember what I did last Thursday say hi to your father he's dying oh hey man I had nothing to do with it I've been had guy was insane they eventually had a misquote It Out by security was really wild but I mean he's yeah I love you know I mean

well it shows you hecklers make week babies oh man yeah well you know it makes dumb kids don't don't fuck with somebody if you're not I mean I haven't done a 42 years of a married but it two or three times you know it's there's a lot of shit I've covered you're not going to you know you're not gonna surprise it's hilarious take out of you can have that water yeah I've never had Security in my life you know because I'm not beep I still take the teachers for shits and giggles but I mean you know wow

crazy yeah well something good punch him in the throat and I'll just drop to his knees and don't even know what happened I say we need a medic you know game then I was going to Whispers hey why don't you meet me outside 10 minutes I've got I can't do that man yeah but I was all dressed nice and if you're gonna punch someone to throw the promise sometimes you Nick the chin the real way to do it is this this with your hand yeah just slam that fucking thing in the throat right in there that's how you do it if you punch someone in the throat yeah first first of all you could say I pushed him away

from me right right I fucked that up now someone's going to say Who episode oh yeah yeah yeah I know but that's how you if you want to hit someone in the throat yeah and you don't want to really hurt him you want to get him the fuck away from you yeah just use your open hand like that your open hand just like that it's amazing how much force you can generate with your hand like that and just slam it and throw it you don't have to wind up its know just as this is a boy this is a tender

area it's very vulnerable that's what's going through my mind this guy is screaming at me right I couldn't believe it I said to Jesus you know yeah it's unfortunate but there's there's always gonna be fucking people that are unhinged oh he's always gonna be people that can't hang but what's really amazing Lenny is the amount of shows that we do how many people keep it together yes live show ladies and gentlemen Lenny Clara it's all live it's happening you know he didn't do tonight that's just not some program thing

I don't know where I'm going viral right it's you treat me good I'll treat you better you've got me I'll follow you home and burn your house to the crowd I just want to make you laugh I'm not even I have no hidden agenda about paying the bills you know I mean because to do stand-up now is is so much different than before because there were more you can't say words you know like you know you can but know what's not me not me I can't know you're looking at an old white man couple more years down the road of

episode of I want is elderly yeah I mean right I started paper Leo's a some kids beat up this 63 year old guy and it's a big big federal case against him because he's elderly and I'm 66 you know and I'm not going down like that guy you know this kid's gonna be surprised now go look them elderly you know that's a pretty yeah Jesus Christ yeah it's I just I I hope Joe I really do that this is all

a cycle yes yeah yeah Circle go yeah well either way it works pretty good you know what he's going like this he's coming around already yeah yeah I do yeah I think people are tired of political correctness and they also realized that it looked there's there's good aspects to political correctness right it's good to be kind to people it's good to be nice it's not good to shit on the downtrodden oh no it's down on people that disagree chai's I'd rather I'd rather I'd rather have you as a friend that I really want because a lot of

yeah and you forget your enemies you you're at a party gonna oh shit I forgot I fucking hate you have you ever had that happen to you too yeah I'd rather I'd rather you and people say well you don't worry what people think we'll people think is usually what you are if you're addicted people to come think you would think well I'm about to be a nice guy I've gotten way way better just lend should go I don't care I mean holding grudges and wanting to get back at someone that's nonsense it's for fools yeah this there's people that they fucking they'll they grind on it all day like they'll hate someone and they just want to talk about that person all fucking day and they're all it's always a waste of time it's a waste of time doesn't do you any good no know Let it go Let it go as you get older I'm kind of whatever years on you I'm on that thing though because someone told me holding a grudge is like drinking poison and want the other person to die yeah except I don't have time for that I got other problems

I'm tail with that cause for jealousy but they bought it applies with both things like yeah it's a pleasurable things it's foolish it's like I look I want people to get if you and me have a dispute I'd like you to get over it I'd like to get over to I'm not into like having enemies for Life those people that want enemies for life did not know what a real enemy is I know you don't know what a real enemy is you just your paper tiger you making you're just talking this is nonsense like real enemies they want to kill you yeah okay you don't want to kill me I don't

to kill you so let's just stop yeah like it's a push their innocence that's a push Attica that's most most disputes look we're all different at different points in the day at different times in our life you know you catch me and I just gotten some sort of a fucking dispute with somebody and then I'm in my car I'm going to behave very differently than if I just got a hug from my kids and then I get in my car you know what I mean yes everybody's different at different points and I like you might have just got fired you might have just come out someone keyed your car you got

having a bad day you met them on a bed and I usually am more than willing to give people the benefit of the doubt shy people are often misunderstood yep and and I've learned that I learned at 30 years ago if someone shy it's not that they're they just they're shy they're afraid to be friendly and give them the benefit of doubt you know don't hate so much it's good that they're afraid to say hello yeah yeah yeah it's you know people deal with all kinds of different social issues you know and a lot of people that hold grudges and there are angry with a really doing is they're distracting themselves from their own failures you know that's really what they're doing instead of this is I've said that I said this one of the last podcast but I'll repeat it because it's very important the way I look at life as I have bandwidth I have like a hunts let's say I got a hundred points I don't have any points for anybody I don't care about I don't have any time for that I don't have time for things that I care and the people care about the people that I love that's what I have time for and those other things if I have to deal with them I deal with them and then as soon as

get him out of my head I'm gone I have a hundred points of bandwidth and that those 100 points I'd like to use 100 of them on things that I love and things that I care about and that's it positive and that's how you get by in life and that's how you become successful because if you spend your time you know thirty percent of your time wandering and pondering shit you don't like that unless you're making comedy out of it that is going to fail you it's going to cost you because you're seventy percent now you only have 70 percent for the good stuff it's not going to be as good as a hundred percent you're not going to do as good with your comedy you're not going to do as good as whatever the fuck you do if you're a sculptor A Painter you making music you know certain amount art requires a certain amount I think some art requires a certain amount of angst and an uncomfortable feeling and just something that allows you to dig deep into your emotions and create something and sometimes out of anger and hate you can get some fucking amazing comments my best stuff ever yes but you got it

treat it like that like don't don't bring it home with you don't carry it around like a bad show it when I first started I be upset for a week and now it's like you know by the time I hit the cargo I love this song I still bothers me no fucking that's my number-one problem really if I fuck up on stay even if I fuck up one bit and get a standing ovation right that one bit will fucking haunt me I will go home by myself sitting in front of the TV and just go fuck just fucking shit and then I'll just write it out again I'll practice it again of I mean I love how long will you love you stick with a bit that to you it's very funny but it's not working for the cry that's a problem that's a problem I had a bit that I was doing for a while about the second coming project the second coming project was a group of people back in the day when genetics when they first started you know applying genetic research and their what they were going to do is these people wanted to take samples of tissue

shoe from what they the Shroud of Turin do you know what the Shroud of Turin was yeah okay Mom your face of Jesus he thought it came off the face of Jesus the found out later through carbon testing that it was really only a couple hundred years old but when these people before they close basic come off the damn 3.6 not really about a job now I didn't notice right now it's fuckin Google that Google the Shroud of Turin they did a test on it I think I think it turned out to just only be a few hundred years old anyway what they were going to try to do is they were going to try to take

DNA from that and then clone Jesus and so the bit I had was that you know with Dolly the sheep right they they tried to clone Dolly the sheep bunch of time right like it wasn't like as simple as the first time they did it it worked out I'm like what if they clone Jesus and he comes back with some birth defects like what do they do they kill him and start from scratch to they do it again like what if Jesus like what if they clone Jesus Dion Down syndrome so I have this whole bit

Jesus with Down syndrome and then instead of across you had a hockey helmet and then like like but the power it like you would turn dog shit in the cookies like he had like.he instead of turning water into wine right it was a terrible bit but I thought it was so funny and I want to time how long did this before a few months a few months just trying to figure out a way I'm down to like three pretty shy side Row three shots it's not working and yet when you're with friends funny

friends and people you hang out with you'll say oh my God yes using of not doesn't work sometimes you just gotta let it go and put it aside and then come back to it later and that's come back to it fresh eyes yeah sometimes but you know Chris Rock you know that bit that he had for years he had this bit there's black people then there's the n-word right you know that bit he said he bombed with that bit for like a fucking year he couldn't get it to work right people get mad at him he would buy and then it became one of the greatest hits of all time yeah because he's

stuck with it and you figured it out and he worked at it but he know he's a Craftsman yeah he's a guy that this is go over his material and it will run it by other Comics right and the work on it I mean that's one of the greatest bits of all time and it he stuck through it because he just knew there was something there right I mean there's those two it's like it's hard it's hard to tell I knew that the second coming project was never going to be one of those though to fucked up it was just too fucked up but I remember I did it one time at The Comedy Store and some lady goes next subject oh my God yelled out oh God she was screaming I hate you she was screaming at me next subject I'll never forget that lady and I started laughing when she said it was which was even worse I got I got an old lady story but we lived at the barracks there's 14 comedians living in that place and how its ground if he ever came by cause that's pretty nice tight Barracks the barracks was an apartment that Mike and I had and

we all know that God was 87 the embedded in the beginning you don't want one stands probably before my day I came in 88 so and by like you're saying my car yeah right so we had this house and it was like three or four bedrooms and Kenny Rogers his room which was like a closet with a sheet over which we refer to as the sperm room I can't even we had the rent was a hundred sixty five dollars a month the language name was Wing wine and we were working at the ding whole for shouldn't lie so honored 65 bucks between sometimes ten guys we didn't have it you know we were all blown it already so now every comedian who came in from out of town they don't have to go Hotel you just go by the back there was a key under the mat at the end it was like eleven keys under the mat but there was this old lady next door in the third floor apartment we would rage all night I would break windows I just love the sound of breaking glass we have a random guy on call you because people think it's freezing money or call the window guy here I just love to throw things right

I'm sweetie duck today I put a ball through the window and he's laying on the floor like a sweet what's wrong with you you know I'm just happen funniest don't talk down to me I go you're lying on the floor get up you know this woman she told them she was I said hey I hate you but he clogged ageless and was some going to the store you want me to get you anything and she jealous the top let o'clock I only live to see you dead right everybody oh it gets worse so now I sent the flowers every now and then and she throw him off the balcony I don't want your fucking fly want you dead so she ends up getting murdered oh no like cut up and like the capitated oh yeah yeah so so the cops come to the house one day and I'm laying in my bed puking in a bucket and Rogerson comes in and he wishes did you murder laziness or less on ago know you're okay you can come in and

but then the cops come in okay Lenny week now when we don't think we should we gotta ask you questions me where were you last night ago I don't remember I go by that but I know I got here later they were before that I was at the thing and then we hung out with another after hours and I don't know where it was but then I get home but you know that woman get that I don't think they ever saw the case but it definitely wasn't because I was generation watching three flights of stairs we used to we used to police cars park in her her Pockets but she'd have a cat but we have the Patty wagon parked

down below me and don't oh it's crazy so that the cops called and party with yeah yeah yeah yeah most of them got let thrown off in 40 never solved they never saw that case as far as I know you know there was a guy that I used to train with who got arrested I don't know if you remember this case but they they were they took this guy and they were breaking his bones with a hammer and then injecting with cocaine to keep him awake because he was who's blacking out from the pain oh and they cut his hands off they cut his head off they cut everything off

and this dude that I knew got arrested for it and when I asked him about it he knew something like it was one of those things where like you know you ask someone like I go they arrested you I go why would they arrest you and there was like this I don't know I don't know nothing I was like oh you know something like holy shit I was like oh my God I might know a fucking serious murder oh yeah yeah he went to jail for something else I forget what he went to jail I knew and when I was 16 and he went to jail and then he came out and when he came out like all his tattoos he had scars all over all of his tattoos like apparently tried to burn his tattoos off in the joint and he was like just a different person like this time in jail I guess he was in jail for like maybe a five years from when I know him wow came out five years later and started training again before he got arrested and just super spooky to be around somebody that you think might have done

I know of a few murders that yeah I mean I didn't know at the time when I met them but overhear zagato my mother the guy who got the pass Johnny martorano use on 60 Minutes he shops at Stop & Shop and in sum of all its people go you know that as I go Jolly man running I'll any I went oh hey Johnny 25 minutes and if you know how the out deals you know I mean he did time he did a lot of time maybe not 60 but I don't know 25

Jimmy the ball kill and he was one of my buddies in high school is in his bubble got he was the funniest funniest person I've ever met my life with out of that one day he stole 12 Corvettes 12 red Corvettes and lined up outside and in one of Corvettes it was a briefcase full of cash and he went in and he bought the entire lunch room lunch lunch is on me

and I school right over time your Corvette in high school so covert oh yeah and he'd like them up outside um subscribe was amazing so he goes to Jay goes to Walpole you remember wall posters okay so we're doing a show at Walpole you know a couple guys asked me to come at Ya so this is mr. Clark before you come in we just wanna let you know if there's any drugs or drug remnants on you you're not going to be released and I want oh let me change my clothes so I change my clothes and went in and I did the show and it was really

that so do a test swab you yeah it was that they've just ever so if they've swapped you and they found Coke on your shirt yeah yeah and easy and this is like 35 years ago right so and this was when while Paul was still maximum-security you know I mean the yeah worst of the worst so we go in and I'm with DJ and a couple of PJ PJ has it and I think Swami doing I don't I think there was a cancer thing and he beat that and like

but a good guy oh my God reminded about teach our French there so I'm on stage and I'm thinking him at Papa's in here I think that any jumps up on stage and I Go Bubbles are you doing here I'm inheriting an assumed name I mean heard the Danny this 35 years ago he's in Walpole under an assumed name I mean could that be well anyway he gets out and then he murdered some guy and he goes back and he's in for a double life now two murders and I said to Papa why'd you kill the guy goes he was talking shit you know but funny I mean I'm gonna kick his ass you can make them laugh so hard you couldn't punch him he was that funny and now he's in he's been in for I got I want to visit him but you know he said it's not a good idea but I'm gonna go for some you know I'm old now he's been he's been over 30 years now it's so funny how if you're in the nightclub business like we are you're gonna run into people along the way that have done some horrible shit oh

I don't guy shot a guy's head off with a saw I think a sword you know when I was like samurai swords and then throw it on the guys Lon I mean yeah it was it there was drugs involved I mean I remember I remember what it was crack what crack butt crack before crack was the Freebase very much for watching this crap is Greg yeah that was for people with money that was the Richard Pryor day okay Richard Pryor was Jeffrey Billings the first time I'm I'm freebasing at it like an MBTA station in South Boston and I think answer was yeah cancer was there and there's this guy who's away for life now to remain nameless but I took it and I'm passing out I mean I'm so high pass a law like idiots what are we gonna do with the body I was the last thing whose body you have you die yeah

that's our overdose yeah I thought it was I can't be smoking that stuff and yet they can start my own heart oh God because I went to when I finally went to the doctors and had th fibrillation all the hot damage they did I said what were you thinking was why are you maybe the weight you know because I was almost 400 pounds and they go I go what about Cockney so you have to do an awful lot of coke is about there's a small mountain in Peru that's missing you really really that much I go oh yeah oh yeah so yeah it was insane well then also if you getting cold you got to know people sell Coke and Dad people who would bring culture to me you know my mother said want it to be very careful Chavez's people going to try to give you drugs I got mad I don't give him they sell them to people did give me drugs I gotta be Alize try Michael not try Michael Michael it's better just to hang out to be in the show you how it was that beep with Roxy and water rocks that were with us well people

talk about the days the early days of Boston comedy and it's it almost sounds fake because they used to pay you with Coke yeah like I was offered money or Coke right right that's how they would pay you first God I didn't do coke first time that happened to me I was in Sarasota Florida Nicoletta it's been a great week you know we owe you three thousand dollars how about we give you 3 Grand or a not an ounce of coke and I said well why don't we do half and half

and then that started my time travel and I ended up and Shepherd so I love Sarasota I wanted to meet Jackie to Joke Man and I ended up in Tampa Tampa from Sarasota is hundreds and hundreds of miles it's not close as you drive it evidently my jacket how'd you get this time travel Jackie thanks for doing blown driving around Jason you mentioned DJ and what happened to him yoke is DJ he was

really good with the ladies all the you know because he played the guitar and they all want I mean he was sinister-looking yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm ever coming spring broke a captain's chair over said one night I'll stop ago you're gonna kill me anyway somebody broke it you who broke the cats rabbits krumitz took a Barry crimmins took a captain's chair broken over DJ's head yeah why I don't know Meghan said some shit up lately does it for fun over the angry to each other you know what no no wasn't for fun there were pitch and they were never really close there he was so intimidating we you know what one night a fight broke out and a guy came at Barry with a knife and I kicked the knife out of his hand and Gavin's they would have been gone that was very well done you've decided that the cabinet of the door with another knife and just kick this shit on and Gamma cameras because there's like a big favor not one but two blades

he never moves from his seat he never moved from its calc is he like the other day he's moving to Florida Gavin yeah gasps moving to Florida they're real time from and I said to him I don't how you doing is she's like you look great I go yeah yeah well you know I'm I'm trying to get healthy tan and how's your blood pressure goes I don't know I said I take my blood pressure like three times a day now here's how about you yet you've taken enough for both of us that guy still goes hard oh Phil goes hard time I saw him he had a drink in his hand was still going hard glassy-eyed it's like - sorry all funny oh my God Johanna so quick so it doesn't give a fuck no doesn't kill teacher yep yeah more degrees than a thermometer this guy he was he was a nice guy yes he used to do blow in the barracks till around 6:30 in the morning we'd be play cards and he'd always win and beat everybody and he goes I got to go where I got to go to teach school and he put on his jacket

of course and now you would you won't believe how many people come into sugar it's Kevin him like he was my teacher in high school yes now other people he was my father's teacher to this day I think he's the greatest comic that people don't know about wow did that bother greatest consoles aren't bottom I remember seeing him at stitches thinking I should probably quit I'm like I should probably quit I'll never be as good as this guy first night I see him perform I go man you were great how long you been doing this he goes this is my first time I know you're full of

shit and goes well nice meeting you too walked away and we and I was very jealous that a guy would just step up to the same be that good and then we would hang around together and hope that people would freak out like remember Joel asking how good he was he sometimes he did I I can't go on and he leave I mean gam with an honest if someone panicked they would be at the battle ready to go yeah let's get him fucked up and see if he cracks under the pressure

he was so smart that's why Gavin was so good it's so many things to talk about and his way of looking at things was so intelligent because he was so so did he just he legitimately didn't give a fuck so everything was casual like all of his best punch lines were casual it's a story that I've never ever told and I know it's going to be heard by maybe 20 million people I don't give a shit we went to a show one of his buddies was a bartender at the 99 and one of the guys

who work there was sick so they asked us to do a show from a benefit to raise some money so we did and we just geez I wish I had money to pay and Gamma goes who that credit card yes well that's the molesting us will take that as payment he goes so we gone we banged up that night in the office what's the hottest place in America right now it's the hottest place in the paper because they are other I should put a RICO 1980s we're going to Puerto Rico tickets tickets

we had a big bag of blow and we get on so we got Logan and we're gonna go on like this here hold this and so we land and give goes wheres the blow ago I did it you did it all go yeah I don't want to get busted going through customs you don't slap Puerto Rico's America you idiot you to check into a hotel and I keep saying I turned out what's my name again without even the weekend it's humbling it's just don't draw attention to us and now I'm off why don't draw attention why because what a phony credit card that's right check the tension so we go to dinner with your and most famous restaurant down there and we get the Chateaubriand for to I've always wanted I don't even know what it was but they come out they cook it at the table and I'm sure facial everybody you're probably wondering who's getting that dish that'd be me right

let's go dance it don't try any attention because I'm Richard I'll be your captain today go it's 50 bucks make yourself a general Gap I want to get you this $800 bottle of wine because no no no that's drawing attention why don't we get 2/3 bottle $300 balls or money I so smart right so anyway and he puts up with me he's loose we lose the punch gambling right and I don't have any money I put on my money where tips I'm a big Tipper like without it

so yes I can Padnos guess what they shut off the credit cards I go what he goes yeah there's no way for us to get back and I go oh oh why don't you take what money you've got left and go down and try to win some and send me back to Boston then I'll wire money because you know I'm gonna follow money back then we need to use why should I send you and I go because you like the second greatest con man that ever lived he is who's the first I said Jim Rockford he goes Jim Rockford he's not even a real person Rockford Files

he's not even a real person so give ghost a yes I barricade myself in the room there was a big computer that made drinks with the Korean Hilton I think yeah what's good and you could push buttons and it would make all different drinks I drank that empty right as if he said against the door yeah because I'm here to Smith I got us two tickets I go yeah I finally fell asleep because I was a nervous wreck so we fly out and Gareth so he got money gambling and got money gambling and I don't know how he did it I didn't even ask but it got us both back to the boss and he says I'm never going anywhere with you ever again but the thing was second grade is comment at all he goes he's not even real any the rocket oh God that's he was praying camera was what year was this oh she's had to be 87 88 goddamn days oh let me think of that we're going to the hottest place we almost went to Venezuela thank God you know and what time of year was this it was it was

fall okay so start to get sucky and yeah wasn't it wasn't snowing yet or anything you know I used to think that it was bad to that that weather but now I think it makes better people I really do maybe I really make stuff up here yes but I got to tell you resilient yeah but I'm you know you ever what you're away from me you don't live that I mean two years three years ago we had like 10 feet of snow at three days yeah you know people jumping off the third floor Windows just to get out of the house yeah I wanted I want to get away from

no I get it I don't want to live there no I don't want to live there but I think growing up there did me a lot of good well you know what there's a lot of advantages to be it does make you a tougher person more resilient and they have the best education the best doctor I mean it's case in Boston has excellent and Amanda medical I mean anyone with money who gets sick yeah you know they'll go to Burbank they fly into the MJ this more colleges per capita in the Boston area than anywhere in the country absolutely the thing about it though is I couldn't get into any of them when you're in the cold

there's something about this like a certain camaraderie that everybody shares when you're stuck yeah like ducks you help people yeah you tell people to still push out an elderly couples cash and then you'll hang on the pump as they drive away that shit I've never done any of that around here around here like you got a flat tire you fucking figure it out it's warm out you'll find yeah well you can call somebody back East they'll come quicker than your neighbor yeah well truth is I lived out here for years I love those are different 12 years yeah your story out here is one of the most

horrific stories about what can happen if you get a crooked agent oh no no I've told many guys are story oh you know we talked about murder you're very lucky that you didn't want to murder in your agent I knew where his kids went to school I knew you know I knew where he was well tell everybody what happened is I think you might have talked about this before but I saw this podcast yai yai yai I became I became like really big Vision show yeah tell him she'll named after me she is like what 93 92

99 yeah it happened so long ago I think they're going to colorize it Joe here's another thing I can't find I mean I have like the VHS among some place you know but you can go on YouTube and find Lenny's you know there was 17 Lenny 17 or 18 Lenny's and the show was the highest-rated show since All in the Family on CBS it was a great show it was a great job that an amazing cast and the guy who played my father Eugene roach just chop everything I never acted in my hand caught the perfect wave the Roseanne wave Tim Allen Jerry Seinfeld all those guys were getting some comms and you got one too bad I was my show started yes I fell started and Seinfeld didn't have a great first year right we had a great first year we were doing amazing and then the first Gulf War broke out and that that killed me there Lenny will not be seen tonight so we can bring in the war in the gulf and then when they brought me back there was the the World Series Millennia is admitted for the World Series and then they changed me from I've got

it was on but they brought me through if I ended up a Friday nights which is like thatthe TV and you know and then the I went from having everything you know I mean I had a mansion in the marina you know Playboy model wife who happened to be a coke dealer I mean how do you know what Morgan You Wanna what could go wrong what could go wrong and then this guy they should you need an agent and I said I want Seinfeld and Leno's agent and the guy at the time was both both those guys were with him and

he would be getting it's a you want Seinfeld or will we will hire this guy you want Lenovo hire this guy well I was that guy and if they were having Richard jeni who he was a monster who's the monster he was a monster contest and maybe they'd be hiring him to open friend who I don't eat them open for me I have this new guys never been onstage before yeah I mean why work if you don't have to I mean no I work I hate making work my ass off he will Jenny was one of the greatest of all time I've never guy that people forgot about

I sing his Praises on this podcast all the time it'll be fun and I got along with him he was a nice guy you know we always hit it off you know and he would but he was a monster Comic man he was somebody else because I don't think I'm funny idiom I'm insane and I made my money being insane I got no problem with that because anyone goes who's funny it was funny oh you know it's funny the new Asian kid coming up you better watch your back or the new Indian kicker that's all everything's new watch out for the new guy I don't care you're like you'll all be funny I just want to act now I don't want it doesn't matter how often he doing stand-up these days I do it to pay the bills you know I work my work the giggles you know I work it goes at least once a month because you can't walk away now you'll lose your fast you lose that you lose your fat yeah it was yeah yeah well you know and I mean I do like I do a lot of charity work and I do that because what made my parents happy and it's the right thing to do you know plus I told lot for the Mass General and they've kept me alive over the years you know what I really I know that's the truth Joe I mean do you remember East Side comedy

in Long Island yes Richard jeni was there one weekend and they said he did four different hours he shows Friday to show Saturday said he never repeated a joke yeah and I remember we were all sitting around it was me and Joey Cola and a couple of the comments by just looking at the channel called looking at the ground shaking her head going what the fuck yeah how yeah how does he do it and it was all a stuff hey you know it wasn't like I do two different hours in one night and a lot of shit but I but I was so high I didn't care

enjoy the show yeah but it was all purvey stuff he's a Craftsman he was he he was rocked by the way him and rock worked on a lot of Chris Rock's earlier specials he worked with Richard jeni no kidding average Jenny would like they were tighten up bits together yeah at the Apollo did a lot would ask ya ask me if I was a great job he's a fantastic joke writer and and and he he gets in trouble all the time just for writing great stuff yeah you know and

oh you know what by he's always not get him Nick as always not giving a fuck no he's always had that app like the fuck out of here yeah he's always had that and it kills me I mean it's just what some people go I'm offended you know what I'm offended that you're a friend that's why I raised you being offended fuck you I was that happy with that I remember when I first saw Nick it stitches I made me excited because here was this guy looking a football player yeah handsome football player back either stick had a full jet black hair good-looking gu great looking guy but rods funny as shit yeah oh you don't have to be a nerd to be a comedian wow that's so but mean growing up in Boston that was a really good thing to learn because you guys like you and Sweeney and Kevin Knox has this big fucking men big men but they weren't nerds people trip what's this what an opposing Lines no lie no fun Iraq eyes open now Kevin Knox but you know but people he used to come in to the ding hello

my type and we put on like 40 people I don't care and one night someone brought in a big bag of blow and I said to a noxious just listen you're up next she goes I can't be in every week would a couple of broads he had his own table was like a condo table his table and he just loved comedy and I said hey man you're up next because I've never done it I should just cover me for 10 minutes anyone up here and he never looked back and he got better and better yet the long flowing hair and the tennis tournament it was a fast yes doctor yeah he had a what's it called like a mullet or mother yeah but it was the name of the hair but it was even more than a mullet it was proposed for those that there was a a fan on him at all times the hair was flowing in and he was the first guy that I knew that was a comic that was like really in his health he was always hogging your size M and and taking vitamins and yeah speaking about how are you doing I'm great because did you have a shoulder a back thing that you have in a gang of things yeah I've always had something because that was just because I

eat the shit out of my body yeah I remember when I was listening to one of your podcast and you were talking about shoulder surgery and how you avoid it with stem cells exact now buddy of mine this Navy SEAL he said to me up cause I was having back problems and Gronk gave me some of that CC CB CD I saw some out on your phone yeah and I know that because I just did this movie I had a fight scene only calls me up and goes hey how you doing honey I'll go get well we started by having how's your back I go back fine and I just heard it the night before driving in the car like a three-hour drive it's just I couldn't move as I said the Gronk I need some of that stuff and it helped me it really yeah really work that couldn't believe it well it's all about inflammation and CBD is fantastic at reducing inflammation I take it every day every day yeah I believe in it wholeheartedly now when you say you take it you take the pill drops drops yeah I haven't tried the I just tried to rub on stuff you know the rub on substrate to the drops are more effective the really the way to do it those to do both

he do the drops and the role on stuff it's not like you get overdose on CBD it's not even psychoactive it just reduces inflammation and always a hundred thousand shit cause I don't see P3 Sky she's full bracelet but the stem cells of which I am yeah all for you know I mean I mean that's just let me see what's tell me my bags and let me do there's a place in Dallas I guess they can inject you into your bloodstream and it goes through all the parts about it yes yeah exosomes it's not just in Dallas they do it here in Santa Monica real life span medicine yeah shout out to dr. Baron ruhi yeah I've had it dr. Ben rui yeah see that's what I love about you you get that gym up there which is amazing I said to one of the guys at work fast as this Joe like you know duties now Joe buys everything Joe wants to be beholden to no one I got yeah wow I wish I could be like that I'm holding everybody I don't I don't want I know you did if you if you have someone sponsor you and you have to get

shit maybe it's not the best shit I buy that Rogue equipment yeah I buy it they don't give me a discount it's the best shit you can get all those crossfitters uses fucking phenomenal it's all Rock Solid it'll last a hundred citation shit out of a space-age running thing I tried things crazy that's insane hero yes yes you're running that's great but you know what I like even better that are running the one that you Propel yourself you just saw Fred Miller and so I was feeling ill aerosol treadmill yeah that's amazing yep L yourself yeah yeah yeah

doesn't it's not a motor you know like a regular treadmills about you press a button and you just keep up with the machine just doesn't have a machine this is you actually pulling it so it's 13% harder than regular running wow yeah but less on the joints yes that's in the joint there's no pounding it gives in it's very gentle because when I was fat and that's the worst morbidly obese my knee I would still job because I wanted to come down I didn't want in fact the only people go I'm happy with myself they're lying to you know

it's to be a bouncy my G Shit happier not exercising than they are you know exercising because they just don't like doing it so they say I'm happy being this way but if you could give him a pill say hey look I'll give you a pill and you're gonna look like Jason Momoa whoa okay I'll take it oh I'll take it I can't take it I took the last 30 pounds that I lost to get down to the 200-pound Pluto at actual Lawson's want to bounce with drops from this like New England fat loss and they would drop sup y'all all organic it's of a and the reason they took my DNA and they match up the foods that affect your body with the any inflammation and stuff I'm going oh man I got because you know as well as I do you can work out till the cows come home but if you eat those cows when they come on you're going to be big fat bastard you've got to eat right it's 80% what you eat yeah 20% what you do you know that you worked out any better I work out for my head you know that because he too yeah

right it's keep the demons away ABS all fight those demons God I don't get my most damage yellow mouth yeah I beat the shit out of the bag absolute trying to kill the demon yes but but you eat right to yes yeah you've got to yeah yeah sugar is the number one thing get the fuck did get that shit the fuck out of your life but that get rid of sugar mean you know have a cookie occasionally nothing wrong with that but the people that have sugar every day that drink sodas and they drink sodas and eat candy bars you're killing yourself yes but surely

I got off the deserts by going to the Mad Russian you ever hear of this guy yeah I have heard of him Brooklyn he's got like an 86 percent success rate for no smoking right every now and then the same the Mad Russia was an actual name it's in there when you Google him up he'll say I don't know come on yeah he's in Brookline and he's old he's like 87 88 years old right so I had this thing for fat loss you know not anything would fat loss I'm always looking at yeah well you're seeing that is that

EF M job as of right now Champions off and look at his head and that's what when those hands were not positions I'm not a hypnotist I love that there's no no no don't drink soft drinks often give you multiple sclerosis is what he says in the Eraser of addictions depression anxiety and phobias he works with smokers drug addicts alcoholics and Overeaters celebrities who said they have had success with his treatments include Billy Joel Drew Barrymore David Arquette Courteney Cox or Kat and Amy Tan well the fuck is Amy Tan and why isn't many calories

mark on that there you go what well he's if I couldn't get in four years so one day I go to see him and we go and he three hours this guy's talking and you know you know I'm not a magician and I'm listening to everything as I want to get I'm there for chocolate cake chocolate cake was my kryptonite IG jug oh God any kind of kick but the chocolate all you didn't know whether to fucking read it sometimes both so anyway now I go and I listened to him and at the end he goes okay now we go one-on-one and I didn't know we're going on a money goes I want you to tell me what you're doing

he's no knowledge it for them okay close your eyes and tell me what you don't I just want me to put a chocolate cake I said I chocolate cake pizza and cheese the next night I'm in the night then I have all three it didn't work however I never I never drank it I was drinking 10 campsite a bad a that was in my right eye only have one thing in my rider case of tab and it was a joke damn on baby give them that's what I drank you know some people's entire culture I drank tab you know those cool pink and yeah damn what a beautiful dream don't even know

isn't that isn't even know what the Millennials flip out everything about me I'm like a I'm like a stone age person to hey let's go so now I don't drink that and I find myself District 101 associate you know what that guy hit me he hit me with the right thing I got to go back five years I tried to get back in a contour a Father's Day about seven years ago there's an opening and I go and in the room people from Switzerland Spain Argentina Greece couple people from New England and me and it was I've seen you before you do

have to pay gonna go no I'm not here for that it's a 65 bucks I wanted I want in so I listen I listen to us okay now we have the one I want me I'll go first so I go into him he was okay to close your eyes tell me what you've done with the thing with never not different month but forever you never have again like okay the chocolate cake kept the fuck all the turrets for everything with a dessert pastry is everything they're making a spoof next day I go to the bakery and Somerville and a place is cried the girl any come right up the front because I'm good for a big butts a lie what do you want nothing it where I haven't had a dessert and seven years now with dream is my thing will cremate we still get whipped cream you don't get dessert no just right no there's no pastry cream what a bit of upcoming Paul we like a bowl with a spoon I will sometimes I don't even use the spoon I just got finished the thing right up with cream with putting it's pretty goddamn good chocolate pudding with whipped cream yeah that'll be all right yeah it's a cold whipped cream and wormwood English we made it like if you just made it oh it's just like food Point all right welcome to

would prompt goodness people don't know about warm pudding because nobody makes putting that's right it's fuck they just buy it they bite my mother used to make the woman pulled my bad smell a smell I remember from my childhood but today nobody fucking makes pudding know the fuck makes putting up that's right by it right why buy it already made I have to whip cream we go to a fancy restaurant and said to my wife you want some dessert or something maybe I will someday someone will you give me a bowl of whipped cream a bowl of goal of a criminal they bring everyone ever you looking at me what does he have

see I have a bowl of whipped cream the major business is good move but it works why don't they just sell that a bowl of whipped cream that would that would probably fly off the shelves maybe I should open up a franchise whipped cream might be cool with cream hey nobody fucking new Starbucks is gonna take off till Adele man you know when we were kids you get a cop cup of coffee was like 50 cents or $0.25 right you go to a diner was easy that now the coffee's $3 for a small cough five never venti yo I bought that but took off

just wanted $11 that's crazy I know we're obviously it's just coffee yeah but something happened Starbucks figured it out make them junkies turn everybody into a coffee junkie why doesn't cocoa get you high Coco yeah Coco well it's not the same stuff well doesn't Coco come from the cocoa Leaf know cause that's how well see that's why God but cacao who could be a scientist jump out of a lot of schooling to go through but I could cow it is not what cocoa comes

um it comes it doesn't come from coca leaf coca is cocaine but you know you know what yeah Dad I know Joe that I know you know yeah I know I haven't had to live yes I like it's great it's it it's like she was at the top of them out hey just give me a little taste oh my god well you know I went I went down to Kata haena I went on a TNT

19 like $199 I took this Dame I could have cocaine tour yes I'm Joe didn't happen it took me almost a day and a half to find the blow when I got to kind of go amen can we get you anything mr. yeah I watch I want to upload as much as you hate me now we don't have anybody made you know it's where you make us wake up to see you we said that all to America there's got to be a shipment that didn't go well it's gonna be one way get senior Lenny the blow so I ended up going

going to where they made I was just showing the smoking it rub it on my ass everything I've covered it Blow I got like an ounce for like $180 why is the normal cost a couple Grand the back of your back the time at the time I don't know your listeners I'm sure we'll know Google at his sons a bitches hey man you know it's like you said people think anyone who thinks I'm making this shit up

great okay y'all make what an imagination I would have I don't have that good imagination of this failure I whacked I am as a person you know I mean I know is the corroborated laser show there's a lot of witnesses that's why I haven't written a book a few more people got to die for us who are you hoping dies first for the book comes out you know did died that I ripped a lad I did I heard today right okay now when I first started doing comedy Hollywood Squares I did it with him yeah I did those great hey one of the nicest sweetest boy am I Joe I used to write comedy when I first started and I spend time in my room I saw everything on Lenny Bruce I've just delved into and Lenny used to listen to his tapes for hours on end I didn't realize he was listening to his performances I thought he was sitting in a room with the tape running and when his shit he'd say something and I think we're not playing favorites so if I start here I go let me snap my must be doing something wrong right

I swear to God I right yeah you think that maybe they have on people not up so I go down like am I what do you think of this joke all right should I don't know man I guess it's funny how are you your guess is funny well who do you like she's I like Rip Taylor Rip Taylor you know you had sex with little boys just get out of my kitchen I love Raquel why do you think hides make shifting 57 varieties you don't be funny person will get the hell out of it and I hate a Rip Taylor because she's he was my mother's favorite comedian I wanted to be a favorite comedian so I'm working the dunes this is 35 years ago ma'am and polish I'm up by the pool and I'm drinking it outcomes Pauly Shore and whose you with Rip Taylor and I go oh my god well he introduces them to me and before I can get two words out of my mouth he's got me crying he's one of the funniest people quick funny oh look at that oh what a buffet for me you're not all that and so I said to myself I said would you do me a favor would you would you say a lot of my mother for caller on the phone he does of course I would so late

and they bring the phone up with a long cord this is old eggs yes yeah so I am I my got someone who wants to say hello to you what's your name change hello Jean it's ripped a low and you hit my brother and he he spends like two minutes on the phone is so sweet and then they're like I love the guy ever since then and you know I didn't tell him what I said God I was mad I was just trash it I was lashing out I was a kid I didn't know but one of the sweetest guys and I got to work with him at the Hollywood Squares and we did a couple of benefits to get about but I sweet sweet and funny as hell yeah I never got to meet him but he was a funny guy so love them on Hollywood Squares oh God they would always come to him when they wanted a little comic relief absolutely well you know I'm gonna tell you something that this field thank you for the answers to that show do they really yes no yeah right there you go now you can make up your they give that for people who aren't funny

you couldn't because I was throwing my own stuff out there and one day when I was really getting cocking you probably may be low catch an underground that's a chronic I did this the one where Henry Winkler's person I love him have you met Henry I love Henry he's one of the I did a movie with Henry he was the greatest guy oh he wrote a book called there's no idiots on the river about fly-fishing he loves fly fishing oh yeah you know that talks about about fly-fishing is well telling your parents you're gay now what happened my wife's joke she's a big my wife's a big fisherman really oh God yeah she's didn't you live on an island I live on my toes I still there yeah there you don't have to Mama mmm I lived on my room Obama lived on my road is like can get near the house over the fucking guys with guns everywhere guys we got to everywhere really whoa

he was acting president they wanted the road twice a day so the dust one rise when they did I swear by God as God as my judge so I would pull up and I'll take the security to him and tell us a joke funny man and I tell him a joke if they laugh they let me go because the next roads there was this was the Plymouth Terry Road stop right you know to see if you even belonged in that property which is about 60 houses in my place where I live in a I got like five and a half acre estate

I married wealthy again Joe you know you don't oh yeah it's a bit Restless thanks oh yeah and she's job she's a fisherman world-class fisherman would have oh you know I'm really Captain oh yeah sure and she takes me on pulls me along side these shocks and I go no get the fuck we pulled up alongside a basking shark that they had to be 2,000 pounds I've ever biggest thing I've ever seen Emma go ahead and Paragon not going to pet it doesn't have teeth the camper but uh yeah it's all right let me climb the guns and are now you

Ian secret you get the fuck but I've been on a boat I've done about three times this year with great whites she's got a 32 foot boat almost more than half the boat that big great whoa yeah they're everywhere they're everywhere there's a lot of amount in Martha's Vineyard oh my God yeah yeah they were saying around the Cape there's a lot around the cape I got an app it's called Shock tivity and and what and when they tagged all these great white and when the Great Whites come their way you are people it goes off and I go oh and you look out you can see them you know incredible there's a video of this this guy and this shark comes by the boat and you can't even believe it's real that we've seen that video that's what Mike that was on my wife's face book page was that from the case that was from the vineyard it was yeah okay yeah it's insane it's like a 20 foot long shark yeah it's so big it doesn't even make sense Joe it looks fake yeah that's fake it's not fake no it's unbelievable what the fuck do they eat out there

whatever they want yeah seals seals there's a lot of Shields and whenever you if you ever see seals in your swimming is just leave the water because the shocks of the landlord did you ever see the video off of Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco where a great white marks a seal right in front of everybody yes holy shit that video huh I've been incredible and the water fills with blacks and that breaks all real shocks just blood everywhere and the people are like gathering around the water watching it with holy fuck looking off the dock do you remember Curt Gowdy yes yeah his son Trevor Gotti came to me and said it was what it was that the why born on 4th yeah he did all this he did the first five Super Bowls and I mean right he was the man his voice yeah so is sunset we want you to do this thing for the outdoor Life channel where your fish and I I'm not a fisherman I suck at this is don't know he said we'll use your wife's boat and you can be the celebrity I said okay because we've done five or six celebrities all right okay what we're gonna do Bluefish no that's been done albacore do

and stripe is that what do we got shocked shocked I just wanted so we can walk this really rough day man it will go out we go out about 60 miles and the waters rough and halfway out we stop and catch blue fish as they forgot their debate oh my God so we get out 70 miles 80 miles offshore I cast a line within 20 seconds I get a 400 pound Mako on my line right and a blue 400-pound blue and I'm going all men like a real it out with your makeup you know look for long

the TV I got fuck you edited at this thing's heavy right so then she cast and she catches a 500-pound make I said you couldn't let me be to stop for 30 seconds you're gonna so now we do the shoot it's unbelievable I will show a year later I'm going through Kansas City and guy comes out and goes hey hey man I saw you on that fishing trip with the shocks I go yeah I guess you're the worst fisherman I've ever seen him yes I am I suck at that but but you hunting and I

shooting guns the other day yeah I just shot at the matte light shoot out this way you know he played for the Patriots and you drive around the golf carts with shotguns it's a lot yeah it's amazing job General golf cars and shot yeah and you shoot skeet oh yeah and you can't drink until after it's over the first year you could drink what are you doing it no one got hurt but you know the other people rules yeah so now I couldn't get to skate throwing shoes off

limbs or trees or boom ain't what are you glad that guy's view but now so every year I'm in the celebrity Quick Draw you know what's a pistol because we're a long long guns I'm pretty good I must say I'm really good at long runs but pistols not so much but I'm fast so I mean like if you needed a guy to lay down suppression fire I be a guy so we got drawn I've killed you teach and I don't hit anything but this year I had four out of five and I saw you shooting the other you're pretty good shot not really I'm learning I bought

gun I want when you see a guy like this guy named Taran Butler who runs a Terran tactical place when you see him shoot either world champion shooter that you go oh oh okay yeah I got it this is levels does what Holst Joe I shall look slow as fuck to Someone Like You I shot with the fastest guy fastest pesto guy in the world and he said Lenny you're very fast but you're horrible aim you have no way I'm being annoying whatsoever you're very quick well I'm learning about that world the world of competitive Shooters because of that Tarin tactical Place yeah me and Tom Segura we started going down there okay because if you ever seen Tom stand up no fuck it I heard it I already hilarious he's fucking Larry I've seen some stuff on YouTube yeah he's great we work together for the first time 12 years ago with Charlie Murphy rest in peace yeah me and Charlie and John Heffron we're doing this Maxim Bud Light Comedy Tour yes and we toured around the country and they would have a local guy open up and do a few minutes before Heffron and have fun with going up it was either me or

only after him and it's a girl went up in Phoenix and fucking guy was so funny I couldn't believe how funny it wasn't like I didn't know who he was I mean right Mike how long you been doing they don't have to do it like a few years yeah and we became great friends ever since and now you're up to but then we do this sober October thing every year with Ari shaffir and Bert Kreischer and what this year we have to take ten different classes of something anything yoga class Boxing class so we started taking tactical shooting and learning you know just learning how to shoot pistols correct because I knew how to shoot rifles for hunting yeah I've never had no the only thing I've ever I've shot pistols before with no instruction I just pull the trigger and right you know what Kenny Rogers and says that I am the worst hunter in the world because when I moved to the vineyard I remember the first year everywhere out there isn't it I didn't know that and I came home one night lit up and I get out of my car and I did just pop the front of the door I backed up and stepped on a wild turkeys foot off whatever they got him

job got holy shit baby the desert so must be something that broke out of the zoo it's not that that's what these animals are and if they're not gonna live from my property so I got a gun right and and the squirrels read all my bird feed and I feed the birds and so I said I'm gonna kill you bastard your first I was throwing furniture at them and I got a couple of but then I I don't want I really want to kill him but I figure I'd like to shoot the tail off you know maybe they're right but the bastards move and I get him in the head I go now so the squirrels suffering I go now look what you made me do you you stupid bad you eat them no no taste good well good well yeah I give them to the I came to the people in the neighborhood you know but but I don't kill him because I feel bad when I get because I didn't want to kill him I mean you know the right yeah I'm not one of these didn't want to eat the bird flu exactly yeah we had a problem with her chickens the squirrels were getting into the chicken coop in that chicken food well the deer not a deer my wife's worth they had a total of the caddy cat he's gone so the other night I'm coming home I dare say not to Swerve

the Chinese what I go for them I chased the past it's all IJ some I don't feel any get him but you can't die that way too yeah oh yeah cause she don't my friend cam his he lives in Eugene Oregon and a guy in his neighborhood guy in front of him hit a deer and it flew up in the air and landed through his windshield killed him ah yeah so guy driving down the highway guy in front hits the deer boom deer comes flying through the air bang right through the windshield the second guy oh yeah some guys windshield that's why I never follow anyone always lead leave Italy lately be tallied Pony Mare looked behind me that's not bad but with the with the deer you know when I got there I had I had a partial view of the ocean you know I used to be a bill Ocean View and then with the time I was the only one there so I said you know hey be terrible for typhoon came and took all these trees down and the trees came down but I replaced every tree that was missing we bought out to I see how you're saying to Nursery School should tell the nurse Ruiz that will

illegal to chop trees down evidently so how'd you didn't do that I wouldn't why would I die I'm a law-abiding person a I understand that so I bought two nursery's going out of business we have 500 trees not them over 6 feet tall but then we had gones and vegetables and stuff like that and the deer were eating them and I'm at the beach one day and I'm pissed off I'm sees goddamn there and it's just this old guy cut some excuse me excuse me I overheard your conversation this is what dear don't eat and he gave me a list like 50 things so I went out and bought everything and I'm week later I saw him hey shithead evidently my dear can't read because they ate all of that and then I just thought so I'm not good at killing stuff all I did kill a couple you know by mistake I really did I trust Cameron you know what I ran into the bull is suppose we should him with well this was a 22 like The Rifleman remember that yeah I loved my favorite for men yeah Chicano

yeah man I used to love that show well I got one just like the white yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Joe and I'm really good with it you know so like one of those repeating were like a Henry rifle exactly exactly I still make those you know Henry Rifles is like a big rifle company Kenny came down when we kick any Rogers and stayed up all night if you sleep what to about 300 rounds and the gun was still smoking the next morning and I got to get it fixed now he like

but anyway I would call I'd call up my caretaker tame and get over you want a date yeah I'm on my way so he came over his how much you killing them or just this one goes through it tomorrow and yeah they go kids I was firing into the bushes and scared evidently I got them so is there a rule on how many are allowed to kill I can take additional income during season or you got my message my kitchen table I'll fight the screen door open Yeah but I

don't I don't I don't do it anymore but but but it's just Jay Miller I love you know Jay Miller hockey player planner bronze he they hired him to protect Gretzky years ago I mean I don't think he I think he may have lost one fight in his life he's a tough tough son of a bitch anyway the hockey 10 test 10 best top fight season like three of them so he's just kind of come hunt and you probably ago that would be great come over and kill all my dear so he gets like six or seven guys and they come over these unbelievable

Bandoleros and shit but I think this is crazy so he's peeping on and his trucks and they're all these big trucks I got a I thought Jay man I'm so glad you got kill everyone you can find you oh no man it's not this he's with killing rabbits there and you hear my wife and about mad my rabbits and whatnot so I gotta go out and tell these fucking monster hunt this is a man listen to me my neighbors both of my neighbors and I can't gonna kill every day every rabbit

but I mean imagine that you're telling these testosterone yeah would that look like Mexicans coming down there to kill rabbits that seems ridiculous not all the way to Martha's Vineyard to kill rabbits it's a lot of rabbits that man there's rabbits and skunks right and it's someone someone brought skunks are not indigenous to the vineyard somebody's asshole brought skunks over because he was pissed off at some other rule he couldn't do oh Manny let the and they multiply in this town Jesus cry baby skunks you know suddenly brought skunks over to piss somebody else yep yep he is this guy I'm out fuck that guy yeah I know yeah it'll come to me I'll text you his number didn't you little animals but they'll fuck your chickens up to you know skunks are predators they'll fuck your dog up oh yeah you know I mean if you had a cat just pray this shit out oh God Tara been they got to bathe him and tomato juice work on my dog got zapped yes it does yet not the dog out here not Marshall but when I was a kid my dog and Boston go

apt yeah tomato juice didn't do jack shit she stopped for fucking weeks oh and we kept shampoo in her yep oh God you know when you asked is there a limit for the animals you can kill when I killed my first turkey I thought that some guy owed all his wife and when there was three missing ago he's gonna know there's three Miss he's gonna come up here and give me hot shit you know get rid of them and they cooked it and was really gaming I had a piece of it not good you know let it cook it right you gotta prepare it right but I had wild turkey and get really good yeah I'm sure if you do it right but yeah these guys here there's no teeth in everything every just when is there a hunting season on Martha's Vineyard and shoot deer yes they're a real yeah I think it's twice and then there's bow and arrow season because I let some guys put up stands in my dad really I can find enough acreage how many deer do you have out there a lot of debt y'all I'm not his dad and you know I've noticed there's a lot of 12-yard a lot of 12-point bucks these are elk Elsa

okay well there was a 10-point buck and my property that a guy bag then wow it's I think dear yeah huge - yeah and they have little dizzy little Bambi dance and I mean you know there's no predators no that's the thing about Martha's Vineyard now they're out on that island yeah how the fuck did they get out there I don't know Joe I have no idea of the guy brought the skunk's and I know they probably can't dance I don't know but they might have swam right they could swim they can you know they can swim I

seen him swim across rivers and if you see if you swim on a calm day from Falmouth to the vineyard it's probably five six miles you could do that it could be done yeah for sure yeah and who knows it might have been closer at one point in time on the street you know they have the Cape Cod rail railroad train they had a bear take the train Joe I swear to God you get onto garbage train and he was eat that garbage drove across the canal you know they bled the rare approach town in the Bears

our down and they no one even as people call disappear on the train and go yeah that's very funny and they ended up down down near the bottom of the Cape there's a shitload of money Pasadena really yeah they happen people's pools that's a real problem there's a good one of my favorite videos this guy's walking down the street looking at his phone he's just looking at phone not even paying attention and he literally a bears like from you to me almost like many turns and runs away and the bears like their black bear they're not that dangerous look what you can be doing what would you rather have and you pull a black bear or an alligator a black bear yeah me yeah because you could talk to you could talk to the be scare the bear away get out of here you fuck yeah that's right God damn that's Russell yeah look at this one this is the these two old people is this Pasadena's well said so these two old people that apparently fact that I'm looking at and even pay attention and watch the guy locks his door Wahoo walk away and this fucking Bears are hello

oh my gosh I'd like a nice bear well it's a residential Bears what it is they're used to being around people that's that's a habituated bear that's the problem I'd like to teach him how to drive a lawn mower Pasadena is a beautiful place imagine having a bad Drive the lawn mower you something did you ever you ever work out there and Pasadena at the ice house yes I have yeah well 30 years ago in love it out there and so you know they're butted up against mountains out there yeah you know it's pretty close to Big Bear as well so there's a lot of bears out there and there and they'd hop in people's pools and swim around people come home as fucking Mama Bear two cups women around their pool don't fuck with the mama bear no no no yeah four people have been Jack so far just this bow hunting season in Montana by Grizzlies and it's almost always a mama bear with Cubs no way to you go in Montana well I haven't hunted in Montana in a few years last time I actually a hundred Montana was with Bourdain we went pheasant hunting outside of Bozeman but my wife my wife get a place in Bozeman

husbands fantastic it's unbelievable gorgeous you ever go to that hotel where the guy rode the horse into the elevator it was in Stripes I forgot establish what about the horse at the real because I was with the guy riding a horse he was over there right yeah the guy who was the drill sergeant there I mean he's a lot of movies anyway no I have been to that one but yeah Bozeman's fucking great but most I hunt in Utah I've hunted in Colorado I've hunted in Alaska funded a lot of places not Montana as it may it's amazing we went there after the Whittier earthquake because she found out so we left them first flight out was Utah and I'm from Utah we went to Bozeman so just to hide while earth falls apart yeah it right yeah so so now we go into Yellowstone and the snowmobiling you know and and I had never done that you know I mean be fine there was no rules and well the to go to Yellowstone now Clinton had it

to go on a tour back then you could go just went through and go off on your own oh really oh yeah and they have Clinton change that yeah she did why is Clinton changed I don't know you can't catch me up going to Old Faithful yellow Old Faithful Lodge and you know I was still smoking drinking I think back then yeah and we wanted to see if

at that old Old Faithful if a bomb went off every hour on the hour and so I went out at like four more free I think it's a scam I think that night everybody I'm gonna be an investigative reporter some smoked a joint and I'm out there it's just me and out comes this this elk from the other side and he looks at me and I look at him and the thing went off and we both looked and then we both just back the way everybody Wildman and it sometimes

attack recently a lady Yeah by an elk yeah and I'm if well you know they were fucking with it trying to take try and take selfies kinship especially right now because they're fucking right now this is this is a rut right now it's towards the end of the rug because we're into October but the rut is basically from like the first week in September to somewhere around the last week in September it might go on sometimes they'll rot into October and California this do they'll still rot right now they're still running right now for them when they fucking it's called a rut yes caucus but I'm not fucking die

that's a real that's around yeah now I've just come out of a rut what happened in West Yellowstone it's the snowmobile capital of the world and they have guys that come up from Michigan would souped-up snowmobiles that you know like like rockets right and there's gangs of nice people realize well and I met some there were in a bar in everyone in West Yellowstone drives around on the streets yeah in the snowmobiles there's more snow

Stan cause I didn't see them any cost so I'm pretty fucked up and I start getting cocky after day two on the snow Burr and I go up off this region when I'm airborne and I come down and some fucking trees that's all I want so now the snowmobile is buried right and my wife comes at work what the fuck have you done are we going I don't know help me I'm stick to again pull that out and who comes up with the guys I met the Bonnet more like 10 of them and they pulled it out with me and they said you should be able to make it back and I go why T well the

grunts all fucked up and I'm gonna okay so we bring it back and she's what he had to tell the guy I go I'm gonna tell him we get charged by Buffalo and and it's what I saw so when she she checks in her eyes and I call the guy who scares you so I got to talk to him but I mean what happened as well as see what happened here - what happened and she goes I walked over just it's the guy I'm Sam by Buffalo huh

never heard that story ever have I've never heard any charge my Buffalo yes as a hundred fifty bucks I should great to charge you three I just maybe I would have paid it was all fucked up the light was broken up but you can't do that anymore last time I was in Aspen we rented snowmobiles and there's like a course that you go they take you on this run and they take you all the way up into the mountains like there's a whole area that can take and they stop you get hot chocolate you overlook this Trout River it's fucking fantastic oh it's really cool Aspen is Amazing Joe I went up to Aspen with a buddy of mine who owned Angelo sub shops okay Brian McLaughlin is great guys why do you call you some shops tangelos you would you buy a sub from a guy named a loved one as well but not sorry we fly out the ship stopped in Vegas and we end up at the Glenn Frey and podolak tournament it used to be Glenn Frey building the Jimmy bottles yeah yeah yeah yeah how cool is that

right so now we're out there and we checked into this hotel Jerome right and he said what do you want to do and I said well you know I'd really like to get a mountain bike and come down that that's ski slope so he rents three SUVs there's like 12 of us and we met Mountain bumper but mountain bikes you know and he takes us up to the to the top of like the continental divide or some shit and he goes okay let's go and there's no guys another I had flip-flops on right no helmet I went down 14,000 feet I'm past it fucking cars and he's somebody get that fucking more so the distribution Brian wants you to pull over I go use with that you can get fucking killed this is like a 10,000 foot drop on the signing all right man all right kids it was it was just so much fucking fun you know I mean I don't give a shit so he ends up getting bumped by one of the guys in the group realize on the liked anyway ends up in the fucking hospital so he rides by me he's covered in fucking

no what happened to us I'll be okay man just just get back to the hotel so now I got to Pedal back to fuck off because I'm at the bottom not we got bad about the drum so I said how is he doing this it doesn't want to see you I said what he said he doesn't want to see you I said why he says he's afraid you'll make him laugh so I when I said Brian man I want he started laughing has to get out take the fucking Jet and just go home okay it hurts me so much to laugh but it was funny you mention he goes because the night before we golf we golf at this I mean everyone's a Kevin Costner all these big stars and me remember Kevin Costner's what are we eating I says well if you are what you eat him a cunt he said you can have it brother so we go and it's like wild game Buffet you know every all they have like animals that endangered species and shit you know some really great and boozing and in Friendly women it was pretty really related so after everything we've

our up and we go to this little place must have about 250 and the show is the Eagles the entire benefit to people and the Eagles and were walking in and they go hey Brian how you doing it for a prize gonna hang up right and that's the fucking Eagles yeah I let the my aunt one week they never fucking for not about it let me be buddies with him so he met the father but I didn't tell you I was crazy wow well is that holy shit but husband's famous for that kind of party and right yeah yeah that's what I think that's why they used to have that Aspen Comedy Festival I decided excuse yeah I did that one yeah it's an excuse for people to ski and party yeah I mean astronauts go I mean I go to Vail every year for Cystic Fibrosis we do a big tournament up there and ski time in your race and I'm horrible but you know people pay big money to see me crash I don't for the kids yeah that whole Aspen area you know it's beautiful in the winter but my god when you go there in the summer and you see what it looks like you now I know why all is rich people live up here oh my yeah cuz I stunning it was the only time I was ever there where there

since no I did I did I think I did answer Comedy Festival try some it's all snow and in the year I golf with Brian and the contract tournament was it was just beautiful or just in the sun yeah gorgeous and hunting and hunting Upland hunting I could see me a new hunter from the chairlift yeah well there's more elk in Colorado than I think any other state I think it's got the most out of any state and and you eat almost everything you kill right oh I eat everything I don't ya most of what I eat is I'm having elk for dinner tonight I marinated it today no kidding yeah I marinated it and vacuum sealed its get in the fridge right now I get home I'll cook it yeah I've got a bunch of different ways I hate sausage she's so that that's that's good you know I don't want to be a killing animals just to kill him no man like I feel bad I mean look I would if they were nuisance animals or there's something that like if a coyote was killing my chickens I'd call that chuckling kyodai run them over yeah but no I love elk it's like it's the healthiest food you can eat and I eat it almost every day what's the

biggest animal you think you've killed them I killed a moose once yeah that was enormous it was about a thousand pounds that I saw one up in Maine they're huge they're unbelievable they're so big doesn't even make sense when you see when walk across the row for the first time that first time I saw it I was like what the fuck well that first time I ever saw moves in the wild actually it was we pulled over I was hunting with my friend Mike Hawking's in BC and British Columbia and we pulled over to the side of the road and we look out at this field and these it was

just cows it wasn't even bulls and they were walking across the field they look it was like Jurassic Park I couldn't believe how big they were I was like look at those fucking that yeah like Jesus Christ they're so big when they're angry oh my God you're right very day when Mike got chased by one he was he was riding on a horse and a fucking cow moo started chasing him and he said he barely got away they bad fast oh my God so fast they're so big those are so long

and they look ganglion yeah but when an emotion well they live gangly so they can walk through swamps and they spent a lot of time like my buddy John Dudley is actually in British Columbia right now hunting moose he actually shot on yesterday if you go to knock on TV on Instagram he shot a moose yesterday and his buddy shot one a couple of days ago that is one of the biggest moves have ever seen in my life but it's all swamps so these things are in the swamp so those long legs Aid them because they could walk through that swamp water you know I mean they're literally like where their body starts the bottom of their body starts it might be five and a half feet off the ground wow that's how big the cheese and then then the rest of them and then the head in the fucking antlers everything is enormous they're huge you mentioned you wish you were shooting pheasant would put that yeah I never met him I always wanted me to I love you yeah now did you are obviously 8 the Pheasant yeah when you got it I didn't get one but he got one

I clipped one I missed I just knocked a feather loose I went down to my wife's house in Virginia early on and I met her her dad who died was a big bird Hunter and he is why I love eat but you never a person and he went to the he went to the closet pulled out a shotgun right without I have a bam bam you got Waitin pheasant tonight he had killed the Pheasant in his backyard man has lots of presents in Middleburg Virginia it's a horse country and yeah first time I have a better idea to listen they're very very good you know it's funny you mentioned Bourdain is there anybody you know because you're in a great position now Joe is there anyone that you'd like to meet that you haven't met yet sure yeah a lot of scientists like Dawkins had to meet Richard Dawkins soon he's going to do the podcast I'm very excited to meet him yeah but no I mean you know yeah and that's funny you said because I agree scientist I like should be a rock stars they should have for me to care about me too I mean these people

and change the course of Life yeah for not just one but for many well it's also important to to for a dummy like me to have someone like that explain like I have this guy Sean Carroll was just here a couple days ago and he's trying to explain to me quantum physics and quantum mechanics is like I've read that book I've listened to that book on tape I listened to him talk and I might have got like one percent of what he was trying to convey because it's really complicated shit no dummy but I so happy that guys like Kim

out there that exactly's try to explain it to people like us well I tell you know you have all that gym equipment and I thought about this and you could do me a favor I bought a Gravitron you know what that widened by I was given with a gravity what is that I tell you how you know how you have that the dip and pull up assist machine you can put the different weight although yeah like those what are those things called is that a Gravitron yeah that's that's the new but mine was the original Gravitron it was the thing

the with the like a computer sensor and propulsion oh yeah every time you saw what you'd get on you just like little red light yeah yeah yeah yeah well I've always wanted one and Steve schirripa you know shrimps with Lenny I'm Leaving Vegas I'm moving to New York took the chalice and the blue button so he says you can have it you should but you got to move I should all right so I called a guy call this guy knows as moving company and he goes money I love to do it for yourself do it for cost so we moved it from Las Vegas to the vineyard to Grant to Grand right right so now I get Kenny and a bunch of other guys and we drive down to my house and we try to get it upstairs I'm gonna put in my liquor my wife is you're not having that now single it's one of the only have one the only toy everyone is it I love this thing she's no it's a so we couldn't get it up into the living room it's so huge huge 12 feet tall you know

five of us more we got in the wall I mean it was unbelievable and she's that's it getting fucked so now I got no place to put it because I my goal is to build the garage and have my own Jam yeah that's you know at Apple I need to pull too but you know that thing you gotta have yet of course so I put it in this garage we have and down at the you know at the plantation whatever it is reinstate right and this asshole neighbor you have any asshole neighbors know not because you're too far away I'm like yeah well most of my name is if this guy sucks I hate this guy ocho I ain't as good bird boy anyway I love this parents his parents were the nicest people but I think he wanted him dead so candy inherit them yeah inherited everything and his mother father Swedish is that more for dinner it's just a sick fucking baby he tells my wife we're going to move it everything out of that out of that crash so we can clean it well it would've been cleaning 30 years I like that he gonna move things out of your

Kashi because he beat up a couple of old elderly women and had to move their boats so he can move his new brand new tractor in there imagine this shit so uh yeah yeah it's bridge this is what happened to me so the faves coming so anyway you don't have to kill him that he I said don't move it I'll be back I was on the road I shall be back Monday but they moved it anyway and when they moved it the the brain part of it came out and never they lost it you know that's that's lost

but they lost the bet you he throw it away on Mobility through a me to tell you he's a dick like that and now everyone in the whole association hates many people that don't even know him hate him in it and I'm building the hate so the guy I said hey man he goes let me do we have a problem with yeah we got a problem I go I move that thing across countries a friend of mine gave that to me that was going to be the centerpiece of my home gym and you fucked it up you like us well you know I'm sorry these things happen these things happened is they have so now I have a 12-foot tall base

yeah sculpture sculpture yeah and I gotta protect that so it doesn't mind he didn't even offer to pay no no and if he did if he offered to pay I would have been okay and even if he didn't but he didn't even offer he wasn't worth thinking about it so there's a guy who invented Lanny pots is his name and I went on I had little Millennials and they try to find this guy to track because I'll pay the guy I think he wants yeah I think the guy would want me to have it he's the guy who invented the StairMaster from the StairMaster the gravity pull up a picture that thing oh yeah Gravitron to finals making sure it was the right thing yeah always somebody think I'm making this up no no he's just make sure the image he's pulling oh yeah but but the Gravitron is a propulsion assist I you know yeah this guy could tell us what yeah it's just it's gives you a little assist so instead of pulling up 200 pounds of doing a chin-up it gives you a compound but then every day you work down it down so they're here it is now that's the new

but how the fuck did they lose the the brain of that and the brain was at bottom the original one there it is that's it oh no that no no this one well yeah that one the big picture that shit that if we got by doing the chin up know that don't get that one of that's it that's it so this guy'll Annie Potts and two other guys in fact that and you can see where that you're standing that and as the buttons you push right in the middle and the red bars you got 20 million listeners maybe one of you guys is friends with Lani pop I'll pay you I just want to get this thing I want and I want to get jacked I want to be the biggest man walk the Putter and go up to that guy's house negative go look what you've made me do yeah yeah something like that guy yeah I can't believe you lost the brain of it ah it broke my heart I mean I haven't even told strip yet because I was right shrimp was so nice triple go to the guy's house terrific trip are used to run

Riviera yeah oh yeah he's scared the fuck out of me a couple of thousand we dealt with hecklers oh yeah that's some guy take a cigarette and throw it on the ground and step on it in the showroom and he fucking screamed at that time I got in his face but it was like a you're gonna die scream you know yeah trip is old-school Vegas oh yeah legitimately people don't know oh he's an actor oh no he know he got into acting I think because of Drew Carey I gave him his one of his first act that spoil on the come on Sunday comics I was in a electric chair and he was the guy you know and he never forgot that he said man is he's got me a break and he always always bring me I fucking love that guy I love these day I worked for him in like 97 back in 97 that was like the first time I ever worked for him but he was then that was when Drew Carey had The Drew Carey Show right and Drew Carey had got him apart on The Drew Carey Show and was like yeah I thought for the fucking for a goof I've now now dual fucking acting yes

and he wasn't being like a real actor and then all of a sudden I see him on the fucking Sopranos I was like holy shit you're on the greatest show in the history of the universe and he was really good yeah but it is substantiated my feelings about acting it's just pretending yeah it's not that hard I mean there's acting like did you see the joke yet no holy shit saw the other night Jamie you were right holy shit Joaquin Phoenix is a fucking Master oh yeah it's a masterpiece I love the money Johnny Cash yeah why are you wearing black goes up maybe I am I mean it's a fucked up sick movie yeah but it's that's what they were trying to do rights the greatest fucked up sick movie I think I've ever seen I mean you might not be into it if you're not into the Honda motor I'm sure I'll be listen to me I enjoy anything that's done well yes you know I mean even if it's not my cup of tea you know I mean I'll go and I watch it and I'll try to figure out what the message were trying to get a point and maybe I can connect with you

Mission I'll give you that and if it sucks are just coming out it's not for me but it's a master yeah it's a masterpiece mean Todd Phillips nailed it and Joaquin Phoenix on Phillips as a master comments you know Iran is just and he does this one of the dark and movies is not a funny fucking moment in that movie huh it's not a happy moment in that movie but it's a masterpiece but the point is like that kind of acting like what Joaquin Phoenix does in that movie with Daniel Day-Lewis doesn't his movies like that's it there my life is different that's on another level but like regular acting like look what Steve did they gave him a fat suit right they put a fat suit on them and he played Bobby on The Sopranos and he fucking nailed

knocked out of the park you would think that that guy had been acting as whole life right you really would he wasn't when you would do on Fear Factor you would do a lot of those things that you had to Stan's yo you wouldn't know no no they wouldn't let me do any of them oh no because what you wanted to write I yeah for sure yes and I are one yeah a'ight I did a couple of I did a couple of some when I was doing meet Wally Sparks would running Dangerfield he said to me okay in this scene your sword fighting coming down these marble stairs and you're going to get stabbed you're going to roll down the oh ho ho hold on camera Sabe listen I'm shooting the network TV show during the day I'm here at night for you because I love you I go I can't get hurt right I was really fat at the time like 370 I go I'll get hurt yes what do you want doesn't get a stomach because I'll catch you going to make me pay for something like a ride back to please please so so the stockers it stomach comes in right hey uh mr. Clark thanks for the job I look at the guy handing out

this is what I look like you know any look at the waves my size of so the guy gets up action and I cut and then they put him in my spot let me get stabbed with this one goes tumbling down to my office and bust his arm up bleeding from his ear and you know what do you think I think he can do one better than that right it was holding a scroll down then we do a casting that's right missing Lenny you break Rodney out of the house you get in the car and you drive as fast as you can up the road and you see

the lights up there there's a bunch of cameras with sandbags we want you to hit the brakes and slide into the sandbox but don't go any farther than the sandbags okay let's go and I turned around and hey Ronnie I'm a great driver I said but I don't know if I can I like a like a test run to see where the brakes are going to our kid come on just don't fucking kill anybody but if I could do about it I drive and I hit the brakes and I

six inches from the sandbag total luck but I mean it was like I'm thinking and I'm flying it and we got it I got ya Riley goes have see I told you you would be great at lucky but there is as if I could do if you could change anything in your life would you change anything no of course I knew you'd say that now ask me would you change anything everything every single fucking thing everything you have any regrets yes all for my life someone said well if you change everything you might not be where you are like oh yeah I'ma roll the dice I could be fucking better off you never know you know I mean well I learned from my mistakes all of I've hated everyone fucking one of them I felt terrible every fucking mistake I've ever made but it's made me a better person I'm still making mistakes brother that's me to Bill fucking mistake ways and I don't want to it's just part of being a person man everybody makes mistakes I try to be a good person I always have tried to be a good person and and and some

I'm glad you try the more fucking people misconstrued I misunderstand for sure that that that's what makes me want to do bad things to people yeah well your neighbor the guy who lost the brain of the Gravitron I mean I wouldn't encourage you to say his name on the show know I know I know that I don't know but you know you did you see how I feel and I'm a good I told this guy he could cut down trees and prove his view stuff like that I was nice his parents love me as parents are all that when he's the nicest guy you won't believe it's a little crazy but for I used to let him come down eat the fruit off the trees everything there is probably listening right now yeah I'm nervous he's very wealthy and he's very you know what is born wealthy yeah that's a template to me that's a terrible place to be for a minute I mean if I had a son I'd fucking kick him out of the house make them go fend for himself I really would not maybe that if I did that to my kid he'd end up blowing Sailors at Fleet Week

but a man Grows All Right without his own money you mentioned a pepperoni yeah how many how many peppers did you have for you oh my god hundreds yeah I'm just on my route I had three Roots yeah a couple hundred apiece The Herald for a while I did my main staple was the globe right to The Herald and into the New York Times for like the whole club New York Times and the Cambridge Chronicle no show you how and every now and then my father feel bad for me ghost yeah okay you're not gonna be you're not gonna be able to you you bit of money that you'll get in the car and he'd be flipping them out the window Fisher because he worked for the herald as a lily type operator and he was proud of me for working because 4.34 but what are you nuts to 1 people like most of them I can make real money if you did that like I did that state that saved me while I was doing stand-up because it gave me money like I didn't have to have a regular job like I could get up in the morning and I could deliver newspapers from you know 5:00 a.m. to like 7:30 a.m. this job you ever hang worst job you ever had good

auction for sure some of those construction gigs are rug really rough yeah and it depends on the company you work for I work with my buddy Jimmy Lawless and we built a wheelchair ramp for a Knights of Columbus Hall right and all fucking some I mean wasn't even all summer I mean I think I quit after like three weeks but all that's about isomer and weary yeah Carrie cement and pressure-treated lumber alcohol I did every day cement and pressure-treated lumber out in the sun and by the time five o'clock would roll around or whatever it was when we quit

III didn't have anything left I'll just eat and fall asleep and then I get up in the morning do it again and it but it taught me something like if you if you want to be a laborer yeah for life this is what life is and this is this is a fucking tired you're going to be you better figure out what you want to do with your life and get after it now because this is at the time I was probably like 18 or 19 and I'll never forget how hard it was 21 I went to the National Laborers Training Center in Hopkinton Mass but with a teach you how

be a laborer teach you teach you how to be a labor and the same thing with the cement in the pressure treated lumber that if come on your skin and made you all its Splendor and from there I'd leave and I go to be a lifeguard and an afterlife God I was a janitor in a couple bones there's all that one that one time when my dad got sick I was take care of him but then that I was a sore truck operator which was a great job you know these have a claw on the back of a big big giant pickup truck you know I mean what I say and it's swing it out and you'd pick up the top of the sewer and then you put the clam in and you open it up and you pick up and I went to every Barham in Cambridge has it got a lot of complaints about the stink of an alias or out there nothing really I can take it up really once you have a beer all right you're not buddy sidewalks that build up forgetting to close the clinic boom Eddie says if it's in the sidewalk people down again okay gotta cover for me and is it

the Salvation I need a drink too we'd be shit-faced and Applause but the put a porterhouse Cafe a massive oh my God the shine people live the way you do come right owns like what you do with the whole but until you fixed it we would well we get it we get one of those movable shitters and we put that on one side of it and then we get the calls and I got but the guys would come and they could if if you had the right crew they could fix that sidewalk in a couple of hours wow just smooth it out you know but you know Massachusetts always has fucked up sidewalks I mean in or fucked up concrete everywhere you drive all the asphalt fucked up yo into how about the highways I first we're gonna we're gonna do this mile section in Saugus right that's good now we're going out to Springfield leave that right there finish thing us how about the big dig how much longer did that takes you know supposed to drink that's one of the biggest corruption schemes in all of the history of construction I know the big dick people went to jail The Big Dig was supposed to cost one point eight billion

polish and be done in seven years The Big Dig is still not finished and it cost Twenty Eight billion dollars that's twenty six billion dollar override that's a gonna do a dry cleaners and how much you clean my pants $12 you go back to Nashville there'll be three grand 3 Grand we ran into some problems everyone made when I was living in Malden right they were working on it yeah that was in 1988 yeah they're still working on the show they put up for ton tiles with Elmer's glue and they thought it was gonna that's what happened to Crowley oh yeah look 51 million you're always originally 51 million yeah oh my God it's still not done it's still not that how was it not done but that says constructed 91 and 2007 yep job believe me tell her I drive there all the time this Parts with that's still an open date it took him 15 years to open up the tunnel to them to the airport it says it's on December 31st it's official Boston's biggest

they will be done the Washington Post in 2007 okay but it's just still fix my job the centrepiece of the big day is the zakim bridge was named after a guy named Lenny second do you know he has no OK nice guy Community organizer philanthropist wonderful person Joe and the people in Charlestown said he's a Jew will blow that bridge up so no sir I swear to God right let me second place guy and I'm afraid of the Jews I married a Jew I was in the tribe I know your secrets the fuck would be real exposure so I'm not like Eli oh my kill the Jews I love the Jews and very good sex now what happens they they had eight people from Cambridge who were against the Lenny's I can Bridge being a because it casts a shadow on the Charles River preventing the fish from being in the river to go out to the ocean and spawn really yeah first of all anything in that River should not be allowed to recreate

secondly oh I Shadow stopping a fish what the fuck do you think fish do at night oh yeah my head's who said that it was doing that D was there a real like biologist for saying no no no some baby ugly women but that we hate everything you can walk across this gotten any better you know yo I gotta tell you it really has it has gotten better but you can still you can still see sewage when people are o&m okay that's bad you know Dave well I used to live in Newton I used to live in Newton Upper Falls across the street from like a section of the river and we see karpin it yeah yeah and then one day I was out there walking around and I saw some bubbling in the water and I watched a condom bubble up to the surface and I realized it was a sewer pipe that was broken yeah it was leaking raw sewage right to the fucking River that's where it goes now yeah do you know

at Fenway Park when you were a kid the groundskeepers Germany and Germany was famous because nobody but nobody stepped on that grass no one even Yaki you get up my way it was like a crazed man and since then my friend David Miller he's one of my dearest friends because I wanted to learn all about grass because I smoked it and smoking is easier than groaning groaning it's just a girl but he when he took over when the sewers would back up in Boston they would flood Fenway Park and when the water receded they'd be actually fish flapping in the infield and we have pictures of it as what are you can pull that shit up and how did they come from how did you do it from the river from the Charles River and then back up and whatever's in those shores would come out but through what port how did he get into the grass area oh then the water would rise from where the water would drain out of the ballpark it would come back in and fish would and fish there's pictures of fish flapping

on the field at Fenway Park I don't know how yet yeah you can Google go to lot of ticking ticking you more than anybody can find Sherry can weld everything David Miller has written like eight books online and what I went there John Henry invited me to come up and sit with him on my birthday one night at Fenway Park this is years ago but 10 12 years ago and he said to me says Lenny oh you want to go sit my sheets I said yeah so when he bought Fenway he extended the infant seats out

two more rows so it's TVs I mean it's right next to them so I'm sitting there when he was if you could meet anybody in the ballpark in the organization who would you like to meet him at the groundskeeper because what you want to meet me or Big Papi now I want to meet the groundskeeper why is it you just had Jimmy Buffett out here two nights in a row there's not a plate out of grass like that supposed beautiful glass beautiful on and while he gets on the phone David you come down so you got mr. clocking oh you know me man I've been dying to meet you so we got was offish I leave John and be I go to the ground

yeah right right so then I invite him in his wife and kids down to my place and they come down to the vineyard three weeks later they send me Lenny Clarke Fenway Park grassy my Lon looked like Fenway Park geun-hye was the most amazing one it's like shit now but you can see it is it there's some magic that she like Roxy Joe I'm gonna cut they were gonna carve you know plenty in my I said no your it was hilarious when I when I bought it when I bought this property it was all over run and one day I was out smoking a joint and I was picking up paper you know because I'm a land baron you and I go holy shit my watch right there's a stone wall back at my house is surrounded by stone walls that you couldn't even see because the tickets and the brush was all overgrown the next day she must had like eight trucks in there and they have stone walls surround the my entire estate and just didn't know didn't know

couldn't even see him wow yeah weird and then I added to my lawn you know I had like I had like maybe half an acre Londo we got like three acres a lawn that's a lot that's a lot of long how much work too much water who mows all that shit Jillian specifically that that is not good with the lawnmower I'm not gonna let you use power tools even though I'm sober no power to us for any fish make good fertilizer yeah so if they did die you got some not a good reference photo but this is a photo of a parish on fence

oi you think I'm Joseph Joe you your first day of work the Red Sox January 2001 at Fenway Park I sat down with previous 30-year heads ground keeper mr. Joe Mooney discuss the nuances of Fenway josa David if it rains it really rains hard the dugouts flood because the crown in the old field I wasn't surprised because I had seen that before Milwaukee County Stadium he then say if it really really rains hard the Antiquated City storm drains will back up and water will come out of them

manhole covers and fenway's Concourse and then flood The Concourse if it really really really rains hard the first base camera pit will fill up with water and the fish from the Charles River a mile away will swim through the city drain pipes and swim into the camera pit and them swim out onto the field I said wow mr. Mooney that's wild thinking he was pulling my leg I went home and told my wife you won't believe the stories the mr. Mooney tells fast forward to April Friday night before the red

Sox home opener on Monday the overnight forecast was for two to three inches of rain so we put the tarp on the infield when the rain stopped early Saturday morning we would receive almost three inches of rain I walked behind the home plate towards the Red Sox Dugout to check the conditions of the warring warning track and I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked I saw fish laying on the grass I looked around for Joe thinking at put a great prank on me pull the Great Prank on me but I didn't see him anywhere I walked over to the camera pit and sure enough it was full of water I

around the look towards the infield I saw seven more fish between the camera pit and second base in my rush to get the tarp off now sunny skies and get ready for my first Red Sox opener I unfortunately through all the fish away I have wished since then I could have saved the fish and have them displayed for my office my home and for Joe but at least I made time to take this photo and since then I've had it hanging on my office wall Joe one of my favorite word's is

Vindication that's been stationed at answered every question that you asked me which I couldn't you know eloquently put it's not Joe you know that's why you laugh when people say oh that's that's he makes the shit how can I make this shit up that makes sense it makes sense though it's so close to the Charles River makes sense I'm like a mile away right unbelievable can we park is about a mile away from the river yeah I'd say you're absolutely right yeah because there's because it comes around down by the old Sears Roebuck stood as a part of it that goes through this

amazing right that's crazy that is crazy wow

Kevin a lot of shit so we end there yeah might as well write invitation and the Vindication vindications always good best man I love you father thank you so much always a pleasure it's buys a pleasure my pleasure today again they time you're in town baby baby we'll get my machine but still it maybe I'll look as good as you get that fucking Gravitron bye everybody

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