#1338 - Roy Wood Jr.

Aug 21, 2019

Roy Wood Jr. is a comedian, writer, and actor. He has served as a correspondent for The Daily Show on Comedy Central since 2015.

Play Episode

hey friends how the fuck are you this episode the podcast is brought to you by Simply Safe simply say if it's home security boiled down like they figured it out what works best and why do you need it when you need it simply say if has video verification technology which actually helps please get on the scene up to 3.5 times faster I'm assuming that's a study Simply Save can actually visually visually confirm the break-in is happening and let the police know making their average police response time just 7 minutes and Simply Save also protects every door every window and every room with 24/7 professional monitoring and they make it easy for you there's no contract no hidden fees no fine print on average takes police 45 minutes to respond to a home security alarm that's almost an hour when a security system is triggered a lot of times police

just assume it's a false alarm the call goes to the bottom of the list but not with Simply Safe home security because that video verification technology the police know that someone is actually breaking into your house it's way quicker response time it's one a lot of rewards including CNET New York Times wire cutter prices are fair and honest around-the-clock monitoring starts just $15 a month and for the listeners this podcast Simply Safe has a huge deal going on right now go to Simply Save.com Rogan that's SI M PL I simply sa Fe Simply Save.com / Rogan and you can get free shipping and a money-back guarantee that's simply safe.com / Rogan go there today we're also brought to you by my favorite toothbrush these motherfuckers figured out how to make the toothbrush better they did and they did it with a bunch of things first of all it's the perfect size it's the perfect amount of stiffness to it so you're not fucking up your gums and on top of that it has pulses that let you know

and it's time to switch sides every 30 seconds it reminds you and it helps you clean your whole mouth evenly because most of us don't do that and they definitely don't most of us don't brush for a full two minutes we don't clean evenly we just get it over with what's important man and what they're doing with quip is they reinvented the wheel they came up with a better toothbrush it's a better electronic toothbrush it's it's easier to look at it's kind of cool-looking Slick Slim its slim slim down comes with a convenient little carrier that sticks to your wall sticks to your your mirror and it holds the toothbrush in it or you can put it over the bristles and carry it around with you and take it when you go on the road as a hygienic container it's one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by the American Dental Association that they are backed by over 25,000 Dental professionals and they have thousands of verified 5 Star reviews I would definitely give them a five-star

view kids brush they have a new brush that's the same as the original version but it's just tweaked for size down Mouse and kids are inspired to brush better and more often with oral care that looks and feels like the products the adults in their life use and they're proud to use quip and you can help them develop a grown-up routine without childish gimmicks I love quip it's fucking awesome toothbrush and you can get it at just 25 bucks when you go to get quip.com Rogan right now and you get your first refill packs for free that's get your first refill pack for free @ g ET Q UI P get quip.com / Rogan duh duh we are also brought to you by the cash app the motherfucking cash app the most powerful way for you to send spend and save you could use it to send people money if you owe the money they can send you money and how about this you can buy Bitcoin what yes it is actually the easiest way

fee to buy sell and deposit Bitcoin most Bitcoin transactions and exchanges they take days for a bank to transfer and your money becomes investable well through the cash app it just takes seconds you can invest as little as one dollar and boom you're in that Bitcoin business on top of that you can also get What's called the cash card whoo what's that Joe cash card is a free debit card that comes with the cash app and it has money saving boosts and booster like unlimited coupons you can use them over and over and over again any time you want to use one you just open up your cash app select a boost swipe and save like 10% off at Chipotle or a dollar off at any coffee shop and start saving

and if that wasn't sweet enough from now until the end of August when you download the cash app from the app store or the Google Play Market and you enter the referral code Joe Rogan all one word you get 10 bucks not five but 10 and the cash app will also send ten dollars to support our good friend Justin Ren's fight for the Forgotten charity they're building Wells for the pygmies in the Congo were very very very honored to be a part of this promotion and they've are built several Wells and raised many many thousands of dollars in our building more Wells as we speak shout out to Justin Wren and thank you thank you thank you to the cash app alright my friends the guest today on this podcast is one of the best stand-up comedians alive on planet Earth he's fucking hilarious his name is Roy wood jr.

The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day

he would yell Junior how are you doing man pleasure pleasure to have you on here man appreciate it fun of these guys alive I don't salute Lee you are you're trying to pay bills but one of the funniest guys out there man I'm very excited to have you in here fucking we're talking shit about Apple and electronics apples fucking UI here so got the new Macbook right and the new Macbook with the new Os or whatever it is it doesn't fuck with the old versions of Final Cut but the old video editing software I used to use new map but goes you got buy that shit again I'm like my nigga I just paid for that shit hundreds of dollars with my last computer in the I had about you tell me my old software no good with it and you could make the software work with the new OS if you want it to but they don't to get you to mind again and all that shit so dirty so now I'm having to learn Adobe Premiere I was pretty good with Final Cut but I'm having to swap it out and yeah I got to relearn a whole new thing and if I'm going to do

at the time is where we learn a whole new piece of electronics but to do that means I have to gut everything that means you have to gut the Apple TV you have to let go of the iPhone you have to let go of the iPad my girlfriend like the whole house is that's how the companies get you yeah so everybody and how they want son he had a Samsung he had a Samsung tablet I was like that shit out of here I had to get you an iPad since we re-gifted that and then got in my eye so it's like nah man he put get Fierce about that Mac versus Android shit as much as they do about like Republicans versus Democrats I want something where I don't have to keep paying for the same shit over and over again every 3-4 you Apple makes great shit but they funk you the interface is so smooth it's so nice yeah I can check text messages I can do whatever my MacBook yes I can talk to my television I can one click and all the other hey and knowledge it's beautiful but in three years it's time to pay up again I almost switched over a couple years back I bought a pixel on

pixel to came out but then when it came out I couldn't get text messages and I had a I got an email apple and ask them to take my email address off of the iMessage database in order for I'm like take that email off so that I can't get iMessages anymore and it still didn't work I went online to try to figure out what is a way how do you get out of this how does this work you can't and if you unless you switch over to text message for a long period of time beforehand like switcher iMessages to text messages on your Apple on your phone or unless you buy a new number you got to kind of buy it is if you're going to get a Samsung phone or something you got to get a new number what got you what when did you make the switch to Apple in the first place and what was the thing you never ever forever but what was the Genesis at some point you have to fight like a Sanyo yeah 59 that was my old flip phone shout out to Sanyo I remember when I was in radio back home in Birmingham I was gifted and I

touch oh yeah and I was all Android phones Android everything and I had an iPod touch and at the time all I had to play music was the minidisc player so I could only hold like five hours and this is like 0102 and I had a five-hour mini that's now before I get out carry around an iPod Touch then it make more sense why am I carrying an iPod touch and Android phone when I could just have an iPhone that does both and that started the journey I started with iPhone one but before that I was using Mac books I was using Mac forever but even before they had an iPhone I used to make my own PCS are used to go to the store I go to fries by motherboard by hard drives no time for that you got it you gotta want to do that like it was for me I was I wanted to find out how to do it and it was it was cool to play games on a computer that are put together myself but then you knew how to lie so you're building the games as well you know I'm not too floppy disk and I'm not definitely not building any games I would

you know like by video games just play them on this but even format in it and doing everything I would have to call friends that really knew what the fuck was up and they have to talk me through shit there's some things you have to do in the Bios and you know the irony of all of this is that I still have an AOL email address as much as I Stitch about you really yeah I know and you know what I don't understand email slander it's like my fucking it's I'm sending you words electronically does it matter it's really happening what does it is my email more ghetto does it come with chicken grease stains when you open it in your lap no it's the same words that if I sent it from Gmail now I have a Gmail account so that people will take me seriously when I emailed them about business ideas but I still have an old-school AOL email that I've had since college and I'm like it's fine it's a one it's one of those things though when you just don't let it go I'm just think about You've Got Mail

remember when you first heard that you've got measure happy Yoo-hoo someone wants to talk to me it was very exciting team to talk to me and then you get older and you realize what please leave me alone who the fuck is this how you've got mail yeah it was exciting it was like a new thing that was 96 that's when I got on live yeah 95 96 we had an old CompuServe account at the house hmm and that was how we got online and then we started getting the AOL disc and all of that shit we had a Compaq Presario oh I had one of those I had one of those I started out with one of those old Macs that was like a beige box memorabilia the Apple 2E r i remember what number was but it was 95 94 somewhere around there I know that might be like the OG MacBook with a keyboard and wasn't a MacBooks own little like maybe you know you had a keyboard that you to plug in a monitor that you had a plug-in and it was like a

our was like a beige the fuck you looking at our of slow as shit as 14 for modem come on yeah 14 for I remember when I got 56 cat couldn't believe it look at that bead wasn't that Jamie it was a monitor didn't have the floppy disk built into it I don't think it's hard to remember I remember it being there was an actual Tower it wasn't a joint or the whole computer was like the monitor itself or the currency pu all together no but man I thought I was living in the future I couldn't do something like that Jamie Roma older brother had yeah that one on the far right that was it my older brother had a Macbook man he had an old-school Macintosh in the 90s and he had Microsoft flight simulator and you couldn't tell me shit I go to his house after 5 hours would just fly Cessnas

in real time like I get it I get why people will sit down with the flight simulator and fly in real time from LA to San Francisco you seen the new ones they have oh it's unreal but I can eat I would need to buy a PC and then I know I wouldn't get shit done have you ever used the HTC Vive know but what's that and what isn't it virtual reality we have one hero the whole helmet sit down joint to my kids come here and they battle to the death to see who gets the VR the fight each other punching kicking shit it's amazing man you put this thing on and like you're in another world you're fighting zombies you're in the ocean with whales and shit I went to a Samsung event and they had some AR type experience where you put the phone on and it's fun but then I just I don't know in the back of my head I can't get I can't get out of my head how goofy I Look to someone else so it's almost like something I got to do alone yes you look goofy you look really goofy when you plant there's a boxing game though that you can get a great workout in like a legitimate great workout because this dude comes out

you see him he's throwing punches and every time he hits you see a bright white spark like getting hit its wild man you're moving around bobbing and ducking punches throwing combinations you feet start hurting your hands get tired is that gonna catch on for real Jose this like the Nintendo Wii when it first came out and I was going to war you gonna lose calories with the Nintendo Wii and you're just a fat bastard on the couch learning how I learned how to bowl sitting down yeah with the way you can you can get in shape with this for real like if you wanted to do multiple rounds of boxing with this thing you would get in some serious fucking shape because it feels real when you put that headset on and your that dudes in front of you and he comes towards you and he's got his hands up in the air oh shit and you're moving around and swinging at you you see the punches flying over your head it's awesome now this isn't something that's predictive in a sense it was it like different types of workouts are different types of sparring sessions there's eventually I can predict yeah if you knew the patterns it's a little workout yeah it's a good workout but either way

you're fucking this dude up that's the whole idea the whole idea is to keep an eye on them it's not like he hits you don't feel anything if he hits you just see the spark but it doesn't that excite you know that's that's have a vest that vibrates and in yeah then he gets electrolysis and yeah yeah yeah there's a haptic feedback Vesti where there's a place called the void you go there and there's a Star Wars game and the Stormtroopers are shooting you in the hit you in the chest a feeling of that shithole does it hurt was it like just sensation just a sense it's like laser tag yeah yeah exactly it'll get bored yeah it's getting there doing these warehouses now when you go into a warehouse and it's all virtual reality and so they have everything planned out and like you walk on a classes beam this fire to the left you in fire to the right so you feel heat it's all it's all that's done they have it set up to make it you know really sort of mimic whatever sensation you're supposed to be experience that that I will be I will be all in for I you know when I

I was listening to you coming up like you started talking about the sensory deprivation Chambers and like that's always been something that's in the back of my head if we want to do it it's like you have any time today you can do it I don't know how much time I have after let's see okay it's I know because I know it's a mind fuck it's a little bit of a mind fuck yeah but it's one of those things where I go when I get a house I'm getting a grill and I'm getting one of those goddamn Joe Rogan boxes that's what I call them good morning I'm Joe Rogan boxes and I'm putting that shit in my fucking man cave yeah everybody should have it isolation tank it's a fucking beautiful thing to have man it just it it settles your mind like nothing else yeah that's that's the thing that I always struggle with is just too many I got too many tabs open of course at all times most Comics do

yeah and the only thing that slows me down is video games and puzzles puzzles yeah what kind of puzzle putting pictures jigsaw and Sudoku does it like those are the three things that I can do that I know immediately the moment I start the activity everything closes and I'm just focused on that one thing is the only thing that I can do what I need to get my mind off of stuff I was dating this girl on time and get on you know you're in the middle of an argument and so you're trying not to you're trying not to be a dick in the moment so I just start doing the puzzle just trying to stay calm and then she walks over and just start undoing the puzzle as I'm doing the oh my goodness oh my goodness oh the anger the sign that's a sign of someone's intentions when somebody I'm doing your puzzle like oh you're one of those like this is my place this is the one place I can go and just be as I collate deescalate now yeah yeah

that's bad intentions yes that's like seriously bad intentions someone trying to undo your puzzle yeah that's some shitty kids will fight to the death over thats my safe place it's like a weed smokers are you fucking up their hi well I understand that yeah yeah that's that's the one thing I'm not with her anymore no no no no you can I crash that you can't I'll take responsibility on that we got puzzles that's my theme puzzles and a little bit of video game batting cages I'd love to have my girls and they create that would be amazing but you need a lot of space you need like yes Ellie yard yeah I'm in New York right now there's nowhere to put a few live in the city yeah there's no way to do you like living in the city no deep why there because Daily Show oh yeah so yes we're fucking job is did you think about like commuting look when I thought about it at first but then I had a kit same year I got the show so I needed to be closer so we got the Harlem so Harlem is at least a shorter commute to the studio how far it was the studio art studios on West Side

Kitchen on a water so it's like 53rd and 54th Street and we're like in the 130s so it's not too bad no it's Subway yeah it's closer than Brooklyn right which was where I was originally when I first got to New York did you take the subway from Brooklyn like yeah I tried to be a city boy the problem is that I've gotten more done career-wise and New York in four years than I did the eight years I was in LA because of the show yeah it's just New York is this just more I just there's more of a hustle mentality really yeah I think so I think that I'm more prone to run into Comics that are going going going going going and so when you're around that it makes you want to go it makes you want to write because you see someone so working on a new bit and doing all of that and I didn't see as much of that and L Allah granted you don't get to do as many sets in LA because of the logistics of the city but I just felt like there was more of a go go go mentality that just rubs off on you more letters because of that you don't get to socialize

all of my friends are in La so a lot of social relationships of suffer because New York is go go go and you're trying to get the next career thing done and then you also got to go home and be a dad yeah that's It's gotta be weird raising kids in LA or in New York to rather I'm talk to Gaffigan about that he's raised all his kids in New York City yeah they're like Manhattan or they're in Jersey where in Manhattan he's been in Manhattan forever yeah I don't know if that's something not for the long run how old's your kid now three now so yeah he's young enough so that yeah it will leave him come on back out to LA right either LA or Albert go to Atlanta Atlanta for a some shit Lance a good move make bar gasps he's showing us the recipe what's he doing it well you know he's I think he's got a place down south in Atlanta no need in Nashville I think I don't know shit yeah listen those are both great cities if you if you're traveling on the road all the time he just need a base you know and look man you live I have a buddy of mine lives outside

Nashville he fucking takes pictures of his yard salt green I hear birds chirping shit you know yeah you know double you need Yard-Man grew up with the yard and you know so that and then family and it's just it's a I feel like New York is a great place to go but it's not a the best place to start is early yes hard places but I mean like I start now lay people can start anywhere I mean it's better starting in its better starting their than like a place that doesn't have much of a scene like maybe Phoenix Phoenix has like a little bit of a scene but yeah my first nine years were all Southern our weekend Road got that Alabama I started in Tallahassee and Birmingham it where like in those days I can 98 Open Mic was once a month per City wow so every week if you wanted to get on you had to get on the ground well to another fuckin City dude that's commitment so that's the only way and then we started creating stages like in the Panhandle live from Fort Walton over to Jacksonville you start meeting a you form a little fucking Network

this guy's got a Monday nighter to shithole this guy's got a Tuesday night another shithole and looking back on it it was all trash stage time that's the best you could do until you move it is amazing though how many guys have crafted careers just doing that like the will the will to do do time and Define spots and to find place to work out I would make the argument that I'm better off now as a comic twenty years in having started on the road instead of Starting In A Major Market just because I feel like when you're a road guy you meet every version of what your career could end up being when you're young because if you're if you're San Fran if you're a big City Comic you only hanging with your peers you run into the bigwigs every now and then but it's some high-end by bullshit at the comedy club and then they go on their way but when you do a weekend with Ron White and you get to watch them properly night after night after night that's a fucking tutorial

yeah and that's a fucking gift and then you can do a weekend the very next weekend with a guy who's been doing it 30 years hadn't written a new joke and 15 burnout alcoholic hates his kids hates his wife and once I got to La you start seeing well no I know to avoid that because I'll end up like that dude yeah I know not to do that because I'll end up like that there was a comic God damn I can't name names there was a comic that used to bring he won custody of his child and the one thing in the court order was that she cannot be around the comedy club so you know what he did if I'm brought her around the comedy club so as his feature I watched his seven-year-old while he will go out and do his set oh Jesus yeah but that

custody of his kid because of that I don't know I haven't seen him since fuck you can't bring your kids seven-year-old I brought my kids when they were like nine and seven outside a comedy club and I let her I let him he can it was at the Improv in Irvine and I said that because we were all down there having dinner together and I did my show and they were like right around the corner said come on let me take you backstage I'll show what it's like and I in the show is about to start and I had my daughter I come on pick out pick out there she's like oh my God look at all those people out in stages like Quran State Should I know don't run on stage come back and yeah that's safe that's safe but to have them listening to your shit know what that taught me was the importance of how important it is who you end up with as a relates to your career I was a can choke your career because a lot of the guys that I started with you know a lot of Road guys they're not doing it anymore or they're doing it at the same level that they were are

and a lot of them I can point to dating the wrong person who attacked their psyche in their self-esteem in that degree four-year window because I feel like every year you get another opportunity to skip a level right right and if you don't skip that level you go back down to levels and so these guys are trying to go from here to here and you're with someone that's attack why are you doing that you shouldn't be doing that you know there was a guy that used to take me on the road with him down south kind of on some mentorship type shit and we would go do gigs and if it was within four hours of the city his wife would roll his wife would roll and both kids are in the backseat car seat age it's like 9 o'clock in Georgia and we're just riding together to a fucking gig we would do the show and then in exchange for an opportunity for stage time I would drive this family back home and then I will go home and sleep in my bed but we didn't spend the night the family will stay at the hotel while

did the show and then we would get back in the car and drive the fuck back home knowing what I know now he was fucking chicks on the road and the only way she was comfortable with him still doing stand-up was if she got to roll interesting and that's got to be stressful he fucked up he fucked up but he tried to have both he tried to say well we tried to save your career and try to save the marriage yeah and I think who you deal with outside the business is as important as how you handle yourself in the business I understand her position on that one I understand her more than I understand the lady was undoing your puzzle I said that mindset that's a different mindset a woman wishes solution finding that makes sense yeah she's trying to figure out a problem Solutions prop look you still want to do comedy or I'm coming with you that makes sense you shouldn't have a three-year-old in the car seat for eight hours on an island stay night no no no just cruising the freeway yeah but if that's the proposition she presented

to you in order for you to continue doing your career then you know either got to take it or leave it comedy is a tricky one man because in order to do it correctly you have to do it almost all the time you got to be up all the time I got a good situation where my kids are in bed by like you know eight o'clock on a weeknight and that's when I leave it's perfect yeah I kiss them good night you know and my spot to the store usually around 10 so I'll just roll in you know yeah I'll hang up my wife for a little bit then I'll drive into town it's perfect but when do you eval sets because that's where I'd start running into overlap in time is figuring out the execution of Comedy versus the preparation to do comedy hmm so reviewing the set watching tapes well what a big one that out yeah a big one for me is the drive there and home so it's 35 minutes to the store 35 minutes home so that's what I'm reviewing material I listened to the recording so they have a Bluetooth

my phone so I do that through the speaker's of the of the car and that helps a lot that helps a lot that's gigantic you know like it also puts me into my I feel like the more sets you do right the tide of your stand-up is but the more focused you put on your set like it's almost as good as like a half a set like listening to a full set is like doing a half a set that's how I think about it feel like the same way you found all the extra you found all the fact that shrimp yeah you find the fat to trim and you also find like a spark like oh why did I say that there might be something there and then and then you gotta write that down and then then I spend time just going over scribbles like right here you know like straight Pride Parade like little okay scribbles you know what I mean like okay what else I think in there oh that's right that's right it's right there and then I'll start adding stuff together and then I spend time just straight out writing the straight out riding times almost always when everyone's asleep so like when I come home from the store it's like midnight or something like that everyone has time to past

spark up a joint fire up the old fucking laptop and that's when I right there's there's a time to thing that I struggle with the most in writing is consumption Chappelle says something years ago in a magazine about how every comedian needs to understand how their joke machine works and identifying the stimuli that you were encountering during a time when you're having a creative high in your in the right and cycle when ideas are just popping in coming to you document what was happening what was going on during that time and do your best to recreate those situations and scenarios to inspire writing when you have writer's block so I know for me it's stuff that bores me or stuff that annoys me MMB it reading magazines TV whatever so I have to find time to watch it that I don't like or can't stand because I know my mind will wander into a place where I can write some stuff but like

to physically just sit and consume television and that's what I have to start doing on the go like I get it now like I used to think these people were stupid and now I'm one of those people who walks around staring at the fucking phone watching my DVR on the train or something because I have to constantly take in so that when it is time to write that there's something that there's something worth writing their out of conversation with Theo Von about this last night where he he's burnt out and he had to cancel some shows and I said what's going on and he said man he goes I just been going too hard too hard too much too many weekends you know nine shows a week over and over and over again seven eight nine ten weeks in a row he goes I just I need to stop because I'm not taking anything in recovery he goes everything I'm putting I'm just putting everything out because I'm not going to say everything seems fake what I'm saying it like I feel I felt you know that you know you laughing felt that spot where you feel like everything you're saying feels fake yeah like you just bullshitting yeah I'm trying to I'm still working

a lot more stuff that has more teeth too and I'm starting to become

obsessed isn't the word but there's something noodling that mean about veterans and the trajectory of veterans when they come back from war and all that shit and I was trying to work on a bit about Vietnam and started watching this Ken Burns documentary that's on Netflix right now and it's

like it's fucking great like they interview North Vietnamese soldiers as well okay never I never in my life seen no shit like cuz normally Vietnam has always told from our POV and they're sitting down with just straight out via College yeah we was trying to get the motherfucker sweet set them up like unremorseful in the sense of speaking about the war from their perspective and going and it tells the story from both sides and so it changed and altered how I want to tell the joke and that's a step that you have to do from time to time to make sure that your jokes aren't waited two one you know to one side that's black but level material man if you want to make some jokes about War and Vietnam and soldiers and soldiers returning you're just you're entering into the trickiest of balancing beams that that's where the reward that's that Gabby Douglas double triple whatever I'm sorry Simone biles pardon me yeah that Simone biles girl yeah I don't know something they'll make it legal in competition next year because black women

let me do that shit no more bitch like with Surya bonaly was figure skating and she did a backflip on the ice and they were like yeah no more backflips they said no more back for yeah they were like you know really yeah but at everything this is dangerous French chick did a backflip and immediately the ilc was like no more backflips it was too amazing let's do good maybe they're worried about like those BMX dudes like those BMX Tuesday started doing double flips and they start doing flips triple flip ya bunch of them start crashing and breaking their necks all that fucking snowboard shit that's insane amazing yeah so toward freestyle you're stuck on that thing to it's not like skis were you legs move that one in the snowmobile with it coming over the handlebars of the snowmobile and coming back down and let no man ya know anything with BMX bikes or Motocross or any of those crazy white dudes they're doing flips it's all just how many flips can you do

the on your front tire Lord and the Rex man I spent an hour one night just watching Rex just watching guys try to do flips and land wrong it's like to see this picture and nerves getting ruined for life and spinal cord sorry compound fractures this a birth of big are 3430 where he talked about when you started this shit and 80s in Oklahoma and it would just doing it for the love like it's just a dude with a ramp in his yard and just were traveled no email no nothing just Word of Mouth does it do with her wraps when we're in town to do that race we're going to go over to this dude's yard and do for that we're dangerous shit you had to be like a trapeze guy like before there was Motocross and bikes and shit what did you do I'll give you a crazy person you had to be a trapeze guy yeah what were your options you didn't have Lenny with skateboarding skateboard and wasn't really they weren't thrashing like that hate each other they were just rolling around like assholes like we're on the sidewalk move it pedestrian the crazy shit they

getting a pool we're in a bottom of a pool this is nuts man we're on the edge the shit they do not like kids like in general Athletics wise like the stuff they're doing it like you see it in Jiu-Jitsu and MMA the kids that are coming up now they're so advanced in there they're all doing Flying triangles and flying arm bars on each other and so goddamn like humans are evolving so I came up playing baseball is there a there certain Maneuvers like in baseball before you turn like 15 I think they try to limit you throwing breaking balls because it'll fuck with your elbow Tommy John and all that shit so are there MMA moves where you just as a child you just you're not allowed to do this yet you have to be a grown man leglocks as a beginner they generally try to get you to stay the fuck away from leg locks because leglocks I don't know if you're familiar like heel hooks there's there's techniques that you do that are going against the edge of your knee so like here's your knee your knee bends like this right the going against it

sweat trying to bend it back that way and it just your does not much given your knees man and so when you get a heel hook it's like your leg your leg is like in front of like wrapped around a guy they've got their heel like trapped like this and they're pulling on your knee sideways and you need just gets ripped apart and it happened it's very very common that guys get knee injuries from being overzealous and not not not like giving a guy a chance to get out of a technique there's a heel hook right there see that guy screaming this fuck yeah he's done bro I'm telling you it is some fucking horrific pain you get your hair to part your fucking ligaments pop you know it's a terrible terrible feeling and yeah that's a pass there's not much room for Gilligan an armbar there's like your arm is locked out you can kind of take it a little bit before you have to tap but with your knee the moment you feel pain it's too late your shits yeah look at that right there whoa

look how bad he's ripped apart that's Dean Lister Dean lister's a fucking gorilla that doing on the bottom he's like one of the leg lock Pioneers in Jiu-Jitsu he's fucked up many a dude's future walking I'll say this about MMA it's definitely leveled bar fights oh yeah a little bit more now I've seen some scrawny guys like really fucking dick dude that know what they're doing yeah like it find you just see the and it's funny because there's all the shit talking before the fight and then the fight starts and then of course the big dude is like tapping and the scrawny dude is still going I'm like dude there's no ref you're you're at a bar like this isn't you don't get to tap out you get your shit broken here's a lot of people to get in fights don't know what they're doing it's strange it's like imagine if you challenge the guy to a basketball game we've never played basketball

ridiculous like I know how to do it I watched on TV but there's a lot of people that will do that with fights but the consequences of a fighter way more grave than the consequence of a basketball game somebody kicks your ass in basketball you just look like a fool somebody kicks your ass in a fight you're getting fucked up maybe permanently maybe your face is going to be scarred up for life and I ain't no fighter man I'm oh one and one lifetime 01 in 1-1 draw we have with the draw teacher showed up I got in a fight and the find the eighth grade and stop the violence rally know it's real shit because I figured that'd be the best place to talk shit what's a better spot talk your shit then add a Stop the Violence rally because presumably someone will come in and go hey man right let's not do we brothers and I yeah are you brown slap the shit out of me Mario Brown where you at where are you my little brown is Air Force

tired what did what clue what could they not put on that day he slept it dumb shit out of me in front of everybody oh my God that's the worst you take your ill in front of everybody ooh that's a hard one the too hard hell yea I thought I was going to get off on that one wrong yeah I didn't know how to fight at all until I learned how to fight I was terrified of fights a never never never was never was the guy who I was just trying to get away from everybody because I grew up in different places we moved around a lot when I was a kid so I didn't grow up like with a bunch of friends where everybody knew everybody like I was always the new kid so you always had to always always and so then when I was 14 I was like all right fuck this I moved to a new city new town and I was like I got to learn how to fight so I take start taking martial arts I just became obsessed with it do you teach a hitch yeah yeah I teach them but they're not into it anymore they they were into it for a little while but they like doing other stuff mostly

ticks and shit but do you are you teaching them did you think to take cuz I'm trying to side with my son you know how to approach self-defense how is 3 is 3 I know that earlier but it's not it's not a bad thing to get it to be a part of his body when he's real young daughter started when she was five but the question becomes about teaching proper conflict resolution because I also I'm wired a little weird in the sense that I feel like because he's a black kid he's not going to get judged same if he throws the first punch so I don't want him in a position where he might get expelled or some shit you know but if you got to get her mother fuck off you right going on bended knee sideways yeah you got this well that's the beautiful thing about kids learn Jujitsu to is they also the really used to conflict because you have conflict in the gym all the time not conflict in a negative way but we're sparring you know you slap hands and you just do it and you go full blast you trying to get each other as hard as you can and you can do that in Jujitsu cause you're not

each other just choking each other and get an arm bars and then some gets you just tap and then you move on to the next thing and the thing about doing that is then you're not worried about conflict it doesn't seem as scary to you like for me until I started learning martial arts as fucking terrified of everybody I thought everybody was going to kick my ass like fuck is like every I'd see some dude that bullied me and my shit and I'd go around the whole opposite way of school and I walked the total way around the school to get to the bus you know those how much longer was down 15 extra minutes I didn't care I have to walk 20 extra minutes home if I didn't want to cut through the South Park projects because there was this dude Spencer that was always every week for sure going to give me the damn business those people can ruin your lives every week like they would sit on the porch and watch me walk in the corner store and then becoming take my fucking now leaders and laughing at huh and mind you I've set aside lunch my I ate less at lunch so I can eat candy and chips on the way home and they would snatch that shit

only thing you saved me growing up I had a good-ass basketball goal so all the gangbangers in the neighborhood will come to our yard to shoot ball so I essentially learned every every terrible person in my neighborhood shot ball at my house so you can't fuck with me because then you won't be able to shoot ball oh that's nice so I don't know if my mom did that by Design I know she did it to keep me from going up to powderly park to shoot ball where you know that's why the bullshit would go down but all the bullshit came to her house but out of respect to my mom and my dad like they never started shit and just walk around the neighborhood perfectly fine now it's cool I can still get fucked with but on the walk home it was gravy that's very nice once she got the basketball goals good that's very nice yeah it's hot like a kid who's really mean who's like bullying you in high school and in junior high school and that could fuck people's whole lives up sometimes people never recover from that shed you know it's a natural inclination

nation that people have to fuck with someone is scared and weak to just you see it in animals man you see in dogs animals yeah that's what we forget we got like clothes and Automobiles of civilized is no it's still I'm trying to take your woman and reproduce and I'm trying to fucking spread my jeans and I'm going to take your food like that's yep the basic of bullying is that mmm yeah its nature and it forces you to overcome because almost every fighter that I've ever met professional fighter was fucked with Georges St-Pierre who's like one of the greatest of all time told the story on the podcast about he was driving his Range Rover when he was world champion through Montreal and he saw this homeless guy and the homeless guy was his bully in high school they realize there's like whoa I was like what's going on man what are you doing and like talk to the guy and try to make amends with the guy and help him out a little bit but it's like fuck man this is his bully in high school he realized like most people that are causing pain and

inflicting pain on people dairy in pain man that's why they're doing it you know it's like victims you know the victims of crimes often times perpetrate those crimes on other people that happens when kids get abused at home they get beaten at home they're the ones who want to beat and kids up at school you know they're just they want to dish out that violence on someone smaller than them because they're getting it dished out on them but someone's large feel some power yeah man I mean that's that's the constant victim narrative but on the other hand families of people that grow up that are martial artists like like all the kids know how to fight the nicest friendliest people they don't worry about it it's not the thing that fucks with their like for me I knew I didn't know how to fight so scary so like every time someone would fuck with me about like oh get away I can't fight on know what I'm doing some dude got me in a headlock and threw me down on the ground and was gonna punch me in the face I'll never forget this like I forget what was happening we were talk we like I said something he said something stupid to me I said something stupid back to

and then he just got me in a headlock and threw me on the ground and he held me like that he's gonna punch his like Nana gonna bother I'm just sitting there going oh God damn it I'm helpless locked up in a headlock of this dude on top be going fuck and the only is only his Mercy that he didn't punch my fucking face in or he didn't want to get suspended or whatever and I remember going that's it I'm gonna learn how to fight this is ridiculous do you do you ever run into the people from your past who have a revisionist history on y'all's relationship and they not too much because the only people that I'm friends with from back then I'm actually good friends with that I was friends with when I was growing up like a couple of buddies but most people I don't I've never bought a ticket to your show and came up to the Moon I was in high school that's that's the only people that are still in contact with anymore I had already gotten balls-deep in martial arts like my first year of high school so by like halfway into high school I was already crazy I was already competing and traveling all over the place and so it was but I

run into people have fake stories I run into people that tell me things that happened over that time we're at a party you kicked out dude and I'm like dude I never kicked anybody never happened a hundred percent definitely never happened I never went to a party beat anybody's ass never happened with that memory do you correct them I tell correct them like I never fought anybody some did was tell me some story about some guy told him that one time we were on the street and some guys across the street we're talking shit I went across the street and kick both of them the head like that never happened never happened I'm a guarantee of never happened because the last time I was in a street fight I was like 15 I'm like this never happened this is not a true story I'm not opposite man people come to me with shit that I don't remember I just let him have it that's if that's your memory of us in college fine whatever weird though right when you know it didn't happen when you definitely know like I know for a fact I was never in any street fights outside of high school I had a professor from college accuse me in a fake this isn't a Facebook thread of something

some article about me and like all the other alumni are commenting on it and one of the professor's I remember in 1994 when you said this thing to me in class and stormed out of class time like I didn't enroll until 96 but I didn't say that I just I literally just apologized like because she's clearly been mad at me all of this time about something that I didn't even do and I'm just there's nothing I can say that's it that's your narrative fine you know what I'm sorry for the shit that I didn't do well after Roy wood all peaceful and but then but then she replies on it at well thank you it means a lot--and and whatever so in my weird arrogant brain I've freed her of her anger or whatever the fuck it is she thought I did but that's very cool of you that's a great approach I just don't feel like going back and forth that's a great approach it's so much easier to evade I'm more of an Invader in a schemer than a fighter

I'm not gonna argue with you and go back and forth but what I will try and figure out a way to do is over the next two years diabolically dismantle anything you stand for and believe in like that's that's my approach to think like there's a comedy club owner to God is my witness before I die I'm opening a comedy club across the street this is a nigga know I've heard the stories where's this one peanut tell it's some place some places because it's one of the Carolinas mmm well you know comes because we have such a complicated relationship with them because we need them and we don't want to do it I don't want to fucking run a goddamn Comedy Club but we need one you know to have some guys dealing with a bunch of Maniacs like us day in day out every week coming in and telling jokes getting drunk and smoking weed in the green room and all the chaos it's essential to The Artful yeah we need the distance of the comedy club is essential

hundred percent you ever get scared that the young people don't really go to clubs don't you fuck with clubs yes yes I do yeah change the business model like in the next decade well one of the beautiful things about comedy clubs though is that we all use them like even if you're doing Arenas like you use comedy clubs use comedy clubs to exercise like Chappelle comes in all the time and does the belly room that's a 70 seat room that dude just rolls on in it'll be half full yep and I'll do 40 fucking minutes and that is so critical man it's so it's so important to get that work in that's why I don't like when a lot of the Vets attack the as they call them Instagram comedians or the Vine I'm not buying any more Beach to the comedian yeah they get mad at them because the club will book them and they'll go well the live show distractions terrible and it's true for most of them it's not the greatest performance because they haven't

had the chops yet yeah but they sold 300 paid tickets and everybody ate and drank what do you think is keeping the lights on for your 30% selling capacity as come back in next year yeah and the next year to go from 30% soul to 40% sold it they're not making no money off of you but at these IG comedians can come in and at least help keep the lights on I think in the greater than the greater scheme of Comedy there's more good than bad I agree that comes from that and I also feel like there's there's a there's a level of ignoring the tools that they've been able to use to get an audience in lieu the fact that they don't put new stand up on TV anymore and let's it's contest shit Comedy Central just started with the with the live at the seller shit but other than that I mean it hasn't been a lot well no one's even watching TV anymore I mean the numbers on regular TV programs are so low now like if you're doing a set on Conan like what is what did we win over this right like the numbers

like less than 400,000 people watch it a night yeah that's like that might be laughs plus 3 yes I put that I might not even be just lying there might be live plus DV are over there yeah next three days crazy so no one's watching anything anymore if you can get onto a stage the way I feel about Instagram comedians or YouTube comedians is if you're doing stand-up you're a comic you might be a shitty comic and you might have be a famous shitty comic because you're famous from Vine or whatever the fuck it is but who your comic like it's whether or not you decide to become a real comic and actually do the work and put in the time and then one day be look I hope we see these YouTube comics and their fucking terrible and then you go to see him seven eight years later and then murdering the crushing great timing right premises I'm like we got one we got one we need more this is a hard gig think about what you had to do when you were starting think about you traveling around all those fucking thing's getting on a bus to do open mics had an open mic once a month that takes a kind of grit and

resolved that most people don't know this shit is like hazing where the old heads feel like well they didn't suffer the way I suffered Therefore your success is invalid I don't take that I don't do it the way I did it this is the only way to do it the game involves acts the points of access it's like it's like comedy is like to me it's like a fucking grocery store and you've been in line you've been in this checkout line and then a new checkout line opens and then all these fuckers just cruise through that check out and you're still stuck yes in the same waiting to get a Tonight Show set line and the Instagram Line opens and people just start whisking through to success and you don't know whether or not to change lines and stay in this one you know the beautiful thing about comedy is you don't have to get out of the line you just open up a new line open up an Instagram Line open up a YouTube line you could do all those things and waiting in line as long as me so why do they get to leave the store you know you have that jealousy that little piece of jealousy when someone has not been in line as long as you need to go

restore before you that's comedy now it is but it's wasted energy you can't think about that you can't like you should think about that the same way you think about someone having success in some field that has nothing to do with yours like if someone is a Nobel prize-winning scientists like fuck I could have done that if what you did it's really the same thing it's just thought of that yeah it's nothing to do but some people are like that some people see someone with like a start-up some internet startup and it makes a billion dollars and they get angry they get angry because but don't go go fucking do something don't worry about what other people are doing it's a giant waste of your energy yo I read a book Rebel Without a crew

I think it's I think Rich Rodriguez I think is think is his name and he was a filmmaker he made the I can't remember the name of the movie but it was the prequel to what became Desperado Robert Rodriguez yes okay yeah and he talked about just shooting that shit gorilla and for essentially pennies less than $10,000 shot a hole last film and walks through how we cut the corners and you think of how to shop paranormal activity for like fifty five thousand dollars fifty or sixty thousand dollars the first Paranormal Activity was dirt cheap they shot the first saw four million dollars in 30 days in one building whoa every and every scene in the car did you shake in the fucking camera and jump cutting

billion-dollar franchise getting reboot it now like that like when I see shit like that I don't get jealous I go well fuck I need to go and fucking gorilla some shit together yeah and so that's why I started trying to learn like in video editing audio editing and all that shit man so yeah no it's inspiring I loved one when I walked in the green when I saw you fucking with that software I love when people are hustling when they're doing things like that learning new things and you like you know what fuck this Final Cut Pro shit I'm going to learn Adobe Premiere they keep fucking with me make me buy a new version every year no to be fair Adobe makes you rent the shit but I think there's a way to Microsoft does that to now with like office yeah a whole office suite you write it eighty dollars a year there's so many critical assess to it just Crux Crux and then you can't use the old version of office we can do and if I send you a file that's like office 03 you can't open it with the new off like it as a text file with no form like they do it to fuck you

I barely use office I use it I have it but I write with right room for the most part you know what that is is that script software it's know it's it's is software that turns your whole screen black and then turns the text green and you can't access your browser you can't do nothing you just have green software have you ever seen it no but you write the most like Sam oh MS-DOS coating type action yeah on my Windows computer I use I use a program called scrivener do most of my writing on that and there's a distraction free option there that's what it looks like that's it's like Matrix and a sigh right like I'm in The Matrix that's how I write when I'm on my way my Mac because that think they have a version of that the they don't they have a version of that for Windows I think they do but I've never really installed it I just use yeah I need to yes he just says Mac OS doesn't say anything about Windows I heard a story that they wrote the first Independence Day movie in three days in a hotel room

makes sense but let's do it just focusing in like that that type of shit would just help me Focus have you had a lot of coffee or some Adderall or something like that yeah um action movie in three days easy you can go crazy yeah there's a gorilla style shit man is that's how this podcast get started this part of this podcast reaches some stupendous number of people every month and started out with a laptop in my living room so I was bored I mean my friend Brian because I just got back from Colorado and I'm I was like yeah I can't believe I'm back in La this is fucking terrible I'm like well let me do something and so I just started doing like q and A's on the like a like a laptop talking to people on Ustream yeah that's the one thing I wish I could have back I wish I had taken YouTube more seriously

you take seriously right now though I do now but not in 2005 when it first came yeah but doesn't just start rolling now see that's the same thing you were complaining about before no I'm just it's the wish that I had done something that's what your career is that man I've had it done this sooner then it's two things I would have done something out it took an internet more seriously and I would have taken some Moore's advice and not gotten on TV for 10 years well I don't think any I don't think any comic can do it though I think it is impossible to be a working comic and stay off of the if you stayed off of Television for 10 if you started your career and just never did shit no festivals just Crush Crush Crush Crush you become fucking legend that by the time you finally decide you like a college quarterback that just stays in college for years and years and years and never enters the drafted by the time you do then everything is Stratosphere but there's too much money is too many offers but you know who did that is Joey Diaz Joey Diaz didn't do any stand up

many on TV until like 15 20 years in he was crushing but Joey also I think is From a Different Cloth we are he wasn't seeking that Audi the he was never here is he getting out they were scared of him you know he was talking about eating ass and taking in the muffler and all this chaos going to Lima flow yeah yeah it's talks crazy but I think I have a different perspective I think there's so I have a bunch of old sets for me when I was on I was on TV I was doing comedy like five years four years they're terrible yeah but the good thing about it is they exist and it's lets you see like look this was in the beginning I was talking terrible but just keep going just keep working at it and keep working on it you get better you know like I'm not under any illusion that I didn't used to suck I try to talk about it as much as possible I was terrible when I first started if you're okay with it being out I don't give a fuck dude I've been digging into crates I've been digitizing a lot of my old VHS shit trying to

just for posterity and going through some of my old fucking TV set they're all terrible like the Letterman said is probably the only thing the Letterman and Def Jam Set and 06 those are the only two that still to this day of God I still stand beside those jobs everything before that premium Bland starsurge Last Comic Standing Apollo Comic View all of it I'm like Barry that shit my biggest fear is becoming famous whatever the fuck that is and then BT just rolling out some sort of remember when fucking thread use all the black Comics he used to suck 20 years ago and just going no that's so you were that's that's part of the process yeah like like to process I don't care I'm fine with it the problem is that The Gatekeepers that decide stuff they only want the newest shiny thing so if they see you too soon and little less problem Roy that's the only problem you don't need those fucks you don't need Gatekeepers in

that the internet has no Gatekeepers they have people that are podcast the get you on their podcast you do your own podcast you put out a lot of content no Gatekeepers but the problem with is that it takes Comics discovering it yeah because the problem is a young comic is that you inherit the goals of your predecessors so as a young comic specially as a road comment every road comic is trying to get on TV so they make you believe TV is where you need to be going don't forget YouTube shit little nigga tell you right now you got to get on goddamn let him and you get on Letterman and then you get the show I got on Letterman and is not a knock on Letterman and it's worth as a credit but the worth of a late-night Credit in 2006 versus 1996 it's not the same currency you know there was a deflation in the currency so it got me more rooms it got me more money but there was no real Romano fucking here's your career change your career here's your Kevin J like yeah it doesn't

like that but the only but you're chasing was somebody else wanted and the game is always moving the school of fish are always so you have to be ahead of that curve and it's just didn't listen to the instincts yeah it's hard to see where it's going though if the people from your predecessors the the guys who are successful in you were coming up where they were headlining you were middle and for them that that was the goal the goal was The Tonight Show the goal was yet but I don't think it's that hard to see the future not necessarily see the future but see the transit where people what people are paying attention to I'm quicker to read Fast Company than I am a variety or Hollywood Reporter because we're Tech goes for people going where people go they want to laugh so you figure out a way with that to integrate laughter until whatever the new tech of the new at like this Tick Tock shit whatever this is that is I seen it but I don't know what it is better fucking figure it out really because that's the next one is it the national one with everybody up to you we should maybe we should do a tick tock account I don't know

my name hope that you'll like it won't like it it's music it's musical Vine in a way it like it's music sketches but it's still funny it's entertaining so Tom Segura does it look all the time he's into it she it's okay he's like ironically doing it but yeah but he does some funny shit I'm are getting he doesn't funny shit Tom Segura self aware that he's a guy that shouldn't be on Tick-Tock so his existence on Tick Tock is what makes it funny and makes it even knows how to do that but he's ahead and he's ahead he's ahead of that curve so the other thing I think compounded guys like me for my generation is that Dane Cook was one of the first it was like all right fuck TV what's over here and so many people shitted on Dane out of jealousy that you ignored the fact that his Myspace move was some fucking bullshit it was it was huge it was huge for everybody I remember I read People magazine there was an article about how he had like 200,000 or 300,000 Myspace friends that's crazy I remember thinking that is crazy

see how does he have so many friends yeah but he was using that and talking to people online constantly and rather look at him and see how he did it you standing your checkout lane and go fuck him he got out of the store before me mmm well I shifted and I started promoting on it nothing I did I'm just saying a lot of comics like me just didn't you lean on what you're told because you look at older Comics as mentors instead of realizing that maybe they don't have their shit figured out either and you should be trusting your instincts he was the first guy right he was the first guy to really make it through the internet on the digital side yeah a hundred percent right I'd say that I can't think of anybody before because I can't think of anything before that other than Yahoo chat rooms no he was the first guy he was the first guy in the first guy for sure that became famous from my space this is my space was like the first platform that social networking shit yeah his his album so like two million copies or something crazy like that retaliation oh my God that's if you stop and think about how nuts that is today like today a big artists like if Eminem

puts out an album how many does he sell I'd say 400 first week maybe three to four hundred first well let's give it a year depending on what we can really stand right now you could be number one with like 30,000 sales whoa yeah 40 50 thousand sales boy they just got it that record business didn't they that is crazy what happened with the internet the internet took out porn and look out music by the knees i7 fucking neighbor he lived right down the street like two houses down from me this crazy porn dude ice Jiu-Jitsu with him to Saul steroid it up and maniac and Qui lies to was just crazy like Coke yes is Coke and steroids and he's just fucking up a storm constantly and pulling it was like past his house and he's always had these fat Mercedes parked in his driveway and else hot girls in our underwear walking around hilarious as do is Maniac but then they the internet came around the internet just gutted his business just got it and they repossessed his house I'll never forget

and he's fucking house got repossessed and I remember seeing it in the like the real estate section I was like fuck man I do lost his house yeah I think he had a fat fucking Rolex with diamonds all over it pouring got really fucked over but you and you want to talk about the people selecting what they want to see that's what's what's a bigger focus group than people who want to fucking jack off right and they've decided I would rather see somebody in the hood and their house with no lighting and just terrible fucking camera work and that's as interesting what it was it is that porn became free and they just used ad clicks and they would just pirate everyone's porn so if you were porn producer and you're making a bunch of porn they would just take your point and put it on like whatever website and then you would have to have I get a lawyer to try to take it down it was like some LimeWire to the avian power it was like way worse than got it the entire business you don't think the free side and like the amateur porn oh yeah that's good

I mean it's bigger now but in the beginning yes it was just pouring Clips getting chopped up and nobody paying $40 for a five-hour DVD you know what I noticed lately that nothing on I was doing research recently you know what I noticed there's a lot of like stepmother porn it's a lot of like step-mom horny stepmom porn stepsister it's all like taboo stuff you thought was also a lot of getting caught porn yes yes yes yes yeah like the wife walks in you're in the middle get your dick sucked what and it cuts right there it cuts a little she walks in yeah there's a lot of that I did we did a story on racism and porn for Daily Show and so we were shooting up in Chatsworth or whatever and what I did I learned so much about the porn industry and that I didn't know that like they would just have a fuck house was like an 8-bit room house and every bedroom it is individual Studio set up for whatever genre of point it was like at least five different genres of porn being shot in that house and

were out in the light and mind you I still have this image that if you're a porn star and you're working with a porn Studio there's some bread there's got to be a little bit of money and one of the porn stars was is it actress what's the fucking word now a porn actress yeah so one of the actresses her car is blocking someone so I go out I always give me the keys I'll go move your car and this car had to be the most filthy saddest fucking like to the point where I'm like if this is what fucking on camera gets you this got to be something else out there and you want to talk about people that need to see where the curve is I think if you're a woman and you're cool but doing porn you're probably better off just doing it awesome self starting shit than even dealing with any of these La Crooks in the first place yeah if you could figure out a way to get an audience I know there's a lot of dudes who they run these companies that girls use where they just people pay to see their videos like like someone will ask you

like if you're a porn actress they'll say hey I want you to use this dildo and cover your tits whipped cream and I'll give you a hundred fifty bucks and then some livestream yeah yeah yeah yeah they make their money doing that and they'll do that like all day long and rake in thousands of dollars just like the food videos where you sit but naked and eat some food and you going like a virtual date with the person yeah I think it's butt-naked Food Eat sometimes neck it sometimes not and like you having dinner it's a lot of that in Asia yeah woman's just looking straight at the camera so anyway today I'm I'm gonna talk to her yep that's a factor it's sometimes it's just a straight video and you don't get to interact with it because there's multiple people watching the feet concurrently or if you want to pay a little extra yeah 101 I will sit here and pretend to be on a date with you and we can and that's just that's more feeding loneliness than some sort of erotic desire but there's not a lot of money in it no Khalifa was trying about this shit

weeks ago what she doing she said she only got like 12K for the year she only did porn for like a week right - until like a year or something like that but it even was whatever it was it should have been more than 12 K so that's how she deserves what I'm saying is I don't you two points I don't know whether or not we should she did a great job she put in a solid effort they just kidding if you're someone that wants to do porn you were coming off better just setting up your webcam like Joe Rogan yeah day one podcast you and Brian would have laptop in the microphone and just turning the webcam on and just doing whatever the fuck you want to do yeah with yourself then dealing with the industry yeah and the record industry is becoming similar to that too I think so too but I think that it's hard for them to find an audience that way there's so much porn like I had a joke I was doing for a while about why they make a new porn like who is jerked off to all of it no way anyone has seen it all but yet they keep making new porn it's like

it's crazy like there's no demand like there's no demand for new stuff that's plenty like you would have to be some kind of crazy creep to seeing every point that have ever has ever existed but it's no different than MMA this people innovating is people innovating important backflipping and POV and loosen areas breaking their necks yeah it's the I think the the cam thing is the big thing girls fuck on camera you know they'll have the boyfriend come over and they'll fuck em and suck his dick on camera and you pay to watch and I think that's that's the big thing and they do private shows and like the guy could tell you know you could tell the girl hey I want you to do this to him and they'll do it on camera you're very strange you know the funniest shit though so Steve Byrne and I we were in Pittsburgh and three things lead to another and we end up at a strip club and it's a weekend and so a pair I didn't know this but

in Stars tour strip clubs and he'll go to the strip club on the weekend and dance and sell whatever pocket pussy or whatever vagina mole they have and all of the strippers fucking hate you don't you don't really like some of the ship is a cool because all they bring more people into the club but for the most part the men are saving their tip money to tip the porn star that they came to see so it's like being a season comic and then the Instagram comic comes in who's never stripped before like yeah you fuck on camera but it's not stripping what I do as an art what you do is slutty behave because you know like there's like a beef between like strippers and prostitutes because like some strippers are sucking fucking the back of the club and it fuck's up money for the rest of the strippers right that are yeah that are playing the game straight up right so there was this weird tension in the strip club all the porn star was on stage and I could not stop laughing because it was comedy and that's part of why I like

stripping to me is performative it's in a weird way it's common in stripping it's damaged people entertaining strangers hmm so there's more of a Synergy so I don't really get anything out of watching the stripper because in the back of my head I know you're thinking about groceries or some other shit but it was hilarious as a comic to watch two different same but different type of professors like the magician versus the stand up versus the juggler and how they all kind of don't really like one another for one reason or another because they all think what they do is superlative to the other guys craft and it was it was a goddamn it was fucking hilarious that is a inside seen that only strippers can really appreciate what you're talking about you know what I mean yeah like for them to like yes those bitches ruin it coming over here bunch of fucking whores there's um there's a couple of strip clubs and I used to go to in Birmingham where like you know the club will close it

him and the police would leave and then at three the club it reopened and then it was open season and it was whatever you want to do and then you would see strippers in the parking lot yelling at the other strippers who are choosing to stay for the 3:00 a.m. session Santa Jolla messing it up and that's why nobody comes before to is because of what you're doing and so it's just a sort of three became like a brothel yeah yeah it's insane isn't it hilarious that you could fuck anybody you want for free and is not a law about it but as soon as money gets exchanged you're a criminal and everybody's mad at you if you're just a slut no one yeah but if you want to fuck people for money that becomes a real problem for people because people desire sex so much and there's so many guys that cannot get laid but they've got some money and if they find out they could pay for it like people are no you can't you can't pay for it you can pay for everything everything that's legal everything else that's

you can pay for except sex you can pay to have someone cook for you you can pay to have someone rub your back you can pay to have someone cut your hair you can pay to have someone mow your lawn you can pay to have someone take out your trash you can pay to have someone clean your house all things you don't want to do you can't pay for someone to suck your dick you can't let someone could do it for free if they like you there's no problem it's very strange or in exchange for college tuition you can even do that if you made like a deal like you suck my dick and I'll give you a house people go hey you can't do that that's prostitution like very strange right I mean think about all the things we do that we don't want to do but we do it for money everything's fine there's no issue even think like you know I grew up doing terrible construction jobs I'd never want to do you know might be better suck a dude's dick 4,000 bucks then they'll only drywall fucking carry cement bags all day for $400 for a whole week recently she got that I used to work day jobs a silver day laborer when I was

Road as an MC so I can make more money like in the the one advantage to South had was that the comedy clubs back them like 56 day runs also work during the day Columbia runs Comedy House theater in Columbia South Carolina used to be a six night room it was Tuesday through Sunday so I would get to town Monday night and Tuesday morning I will go to a day laborer spot get a job assignment and work the whole week nine to five and then at night go do my little MC bullshit kids need to hear this kids coming up they need to hear this that's important you got it that's real hustling dual I'm not going to sit here in a hotel all day and do nothing when I could go make a quick like minimum wage was like five and a quarter it's like you only making 40 bucks but that was extra money yeah like I counted on that little extra money and we used to work submit fucking oh my God there's a Quikrete Factory in Columbia South Carolina and I've worked there I work there

two weeks at a time any time I played The Comedy Club I worked at the Quikrete Factory wow so did you have to call them up or did you how do you show it again show up at 6:00 in the morning with your with your driver's license and you sign up and then you sit in the lobby and you watch The Morning News until your name is called and then they give you a job assignment wow and so you bring boots you bring a hard hat because you don't know what you're going to get you might get something with a keyboard you might just be outside holding the stop slow fucking stop stick while they pave a road and that's your gig for eight hours wow you just stand in the fucking Carolina heat and just fucking 525 an hour I love stories like this dude that was my first 10 years was just working day laborer weird jobs to make extra money and if the gig was under five hours I would drive back home and I wouldn't even stay so that I could go at the time I was still working morning radio so if it was within five hours I would do morning radio get off the air at 10 be on the road by eleven five hours

app do the show get back in my car at 10 p.m. five hours back to Birmingham sleep at the station wake up at 6 wash rinse repeat and I can't lose the radio gig because that's too that was too much of a good get it right and I was doing prank calls and I was using the prank calls I was taking my prank calls at the time and sending them to other morning show this is website radio online which kind of breaks down it's almost like billboard it's almost like Nielsen or some shit but for radio and so I would go there and I would look for other local morning shows that weren't syndicated and cities were I wasn't performing and so I would send my prank calls for free to these morning shows and go look I'm a comic here's some free prank calls we do in Birmingham they're not going anywhere else you want to Airmen Omaha

the guy says yes he's not getting it doesn't have shit else to play on the are so obvious in the prank calls the guy who played a prank calls for a couple of weeks couple months and then I will call the local comedy club and go hey I want to feature in your room I'm on the radio and I know I can get on there and this is when the belief of the radio still could bring people to the show so I will call local comedy clubs in cities where my prank calls were Aaron and use it as leverage to get booked as a feature instead of an MC so that's how I was able to kind of jump a level because I was a feature that was coming in town with the pre Plugged In Media access and all of that shit dude you're a hustler you're a real Hustler I love hearing shit like that that was I really do I love hearing the driving part I love hearing the getting the day job part kids need to hear this all you fucking kids listen this right now to think if you wanted to visit a job in Show Business this is what comes with it and that's why you're so good man that that huh

sir mentality that's so important that's so important you just Network you find people that you can that are as driven as you and then you just figure out ways to work together and do shit but comedy is so so many motherfuckers are lying bro they're lying how so and you lie you get the leverage and like it's

like so the way I got hired on radio so at the time the thought was that this is 2001 I'm out of college and if I can get on the radio then that'll give me more access in the city and I can host my own Comedy Night by holster my own comedy night I can offer money to out-of-towners who also have comedy nights and do swap out so I needed to get the radio gig so at the time they were doing some sort of contest or some shit and who's the funniest and Birmingham some shit and I missed the window for the contest and so I knew the long story long story short is that I go to the radio station I asked the guy at the time Buck while who's hosting 957 not the same Starbuck while different Buck well I don't know any Buck Wild okay perfect different Buck Wild okay so I've hey man I'm a comic I have a degree in journalism

it's a perfect fit fuck with me and he goes nah we're done with that we're not going to have a comic I go okay cool not done enough of the comedy club in Birmingham to know that on black weekends the black radio station hosts the black comedy night on Fridays and they throw out t-shirts and all that shit so I go to the comedy club and I told Bruce are as I said hey I just got hired at ninety five seven and they want me to open for DL Hughley this weekend and he goes okay that's fine I'll go back to 95 7 I go yo I know you don't want to fuck with me but I'm opening for deal this weekend do me a favor watch my set if I'm funny put me on Monday morning he goes you got a deal so I get to the comedy club that Friday and all I have to do is keep Buckwild Bruce tears apart so that neither one knows right what the fucking lie was right and Bruce came backstage and you just for as long as you act like you belong and you act like the truth is the truth people will

kind of merge in with that shit and Bruce camera angles okay Buck while you go out and do the t-shirts and then you bring up Roy and I went out and it was 7 minutes but I fucking crushed like just when you need that one set to go right and every syllable every fucking comma is perfect and I demolished in front of DL Hughley and I walk off stage and book while says see you Monday morning and that's how I got radio it's just what we going to do not fucking book me I'm already not really working the comedy club I'm already not hired by you what is the penalty for this lie is this lie will this lie send me to jail no why it's a hustle lie yeah I'm not saying load your resume with 50 different credits that you don't have but if you've performed somewhere else outside of where you from you have performed across the country yeah what you basically do is like the comedy version of a subprime mortgage loan

yeah you like he sold a house is someone who really shouldn't be buying a house but it worked out he kept the house yeah that's amazing kite man I just I came up man cause you know I got arrested when I was when I was 19 so for the credit card fraud we were still in credit card to college and like Bond genes and all that shit so my first two years of stand up I was on probation so when you have that I could have gone to jail for this shit could be a lot worse living in the back of your mind forever hustling people got to hustle I just like no this is have no choice I have to fucking do this I knew it dude who was one of the original credit card fraudsters his name was International Sal International style yeah man he was a dude who used to come to this pool hall I was at and international Sal was like he was a real nice guy but he was a famous loser at gambling and that he would he would make me

Ian's of dollars on credit card fraud he had they had an organized crime Empire and this would they would do back in the day remember they had this transparency like they would run your card they'll put it on a machine and go just shoo shoo yeah the carbon carbon carbon do take those carbons people who worked in these department stores would take the carbons and sell them to him he would take those carbons make a totally new credit card out of the car nice with some sort of machine and then they would distribute them to these guys they would buy Goods with this stuff and then they would sell the goods and then guys would come to him in the pool hall with paper bags filled with cash and all he wanted to do is gamble on pool and he could never win and when I'm telling you never win that guy was playing with dirty money and he knew it his head was fucked up he would be staring the nine ball would be in the hole and he would be like a foot away from it and you see his hand shaking and don't just change this just fuck it up and hit the rail and bounce it off and people go no domestic I can't fucking believe it

has an international Sal could never win he could never win but he was one of the original dudes did you find something from him something very weird just happened what happened so I'm typing I'm typing International Sall right and I hit space bar right and two things come up credit card thief and pool player but when I click the search for that nothing shows up huh like for instance credit card thief and it just brings up a bunch of other stuff about credit card thieves and other people and honestly it might be because us as a church but the search might exist because of us because I know I'll talk about International Sal before and him being a credit card Thief he's dead my friend's mom was actually taking care of him when he was in hospice he was he had cancer he died of rectal cancer mouths damn Sal yeah it was bad it was bad

no no shall be tears of famous pool player this International Sal was not famous books I'll be terribly International Sal couldn't win but he was one of the original credit card fraudsters he went to jail for quite a long time with and then got out I was doing the same goddamn thing again was crazy though is that when you get arrested especially for like

some white-collar shit like that like what they don't tell you about getting arrested is that the first thing they do is try to pin other unsolved shit on you so before you even like get a mug shot or anything you just go sit in a room and they go here are all the mug shots of other people we are looking at for similar crimes do you know any of these motherfuckers then you get a handwriting sample and then a as in like there's and that's when you find out like oh I was just a petty fucking teenager that just took a credit card to get some jeans and then you start realizing like oh there's an entire fucking Syndicate of shit happening in this city that I didn't know anything about they trying to fucking pin on me and that's when the fear set in because like in your head you're like all right well I know I probably won't go to jail I hope I don't go to jail

oh shit I might go to fucking jail for some shit didn't do oh and they don't care they do not care that's been decided you're already a criminal and that's when I got into comedy that was the fucking depression like that was the fucking moment like oh shit with Joey Diaz got went to jail for armed kidnapping that's how he got into comedy he robbed to do it over some coke with a machine gun taped him to a chair and shit and then when he was in jail he learned how to do stand-up that is the best cold open to a myopic Joey Diaz gets his biopic it has to start with duct tape somebody find this with the duty kidnapped he took pictures together didn't he put it up on his Instagram he took pictures with the guy who kidnapped he's like 31 years ago I kidnapped this cocksucker yeah we're friends that's the beautiful thing no man it's a Redemption and being able to make a mistake and get back in the mix and some of the greatest multi-discipline people good went to jail because they were like Bernard Hopkins one of my all-time favorite boxers he's one of the greatest middleweight champion of all time and

Bernard Hopkins spent like six years in jail for armed robbery and he learned how to be disciplined when he was in jail and when he got out of jail he not only did he have like a drive that other people probably couldn't comprehend but he knew what would happen if it went bad again he knew what would happen if he slid back down that road again and apparently likes corrections officer to said when he was getting out you'll be right back in here he's like the fuck I will be the fuck I will be and turn out to be one of the greatest boxers of all time there he is Joey's with the guy 32 years ago I made a mistake so what that way you start actually get them showed up to my show 32 years ago I made a mistake so what that's the way you start it's where you finish that is crazy you know that's that's what the whole Redemption is about yeah I know you know do what you can with your second chance that's why I'm just trying to grind my all this shit is a gift I could have been in prison this is called a reason to get sent to does not want people to have redemptions interesting this culture today wants people to be in trouble for things they did in the past

still you have to be who you were 30 years ago yeah we all go to church and ask for forgiveness you Sunday for an opportunity to be forgiven for what we were that week well the idea that no one no one gets a chance to redeem themselves it's a terrible world like that's the one of the best things about Christianity is the idea that you have Redemption you confess your sins and you move on I just think that it's all new and I think there will be a

I think it's all new I think there will be a market correction at some point because as a society we are obsessed with who you were mmm credit reports rental history drug history employment history fucking you sit down with somebody want to know your dating history so I can Twitter is just racism history or your bad joke history it's it's an opportunity for the first time as a society to audit your past behavior when all we do is Judge who you are now based on who you were that's what our society is established upon so that's why it doesn't feel so out of pocket to me that people are doing it so it's a new way to see if you were me I can literally search your name plus a word and see if you said the word and then I will fucking yeah it's no different than a fucking bankruptcy sitting on your record from I like how you described it as a market correction because I think that is what's going to happen we're going to understand that what we're doing now is kind of unsustainable like going back and judge

someone on some shit that happened in high school or whatever it was and try to look at words you said when you try to make a joke like would happen with Kevin Hart and yeah apologize for it many times and then he's hosting the Oscars and they like look 10 years ago he said this he's like look I'm not going to do this I'm not gonna do this again I already apologized for those things I'm going to move on sorry and the Oscars got fucked they want to have a no host now did we get fucked that the Isis hit for Kurdistan does get fucked because the enemies don't have a host now either good good just mankind I love Sebastian Sebastian but Sebastian made me cry when I was looking at this fucking video musical world award he's gonna be amazed yeah he's hosting that shit and there's something that's somewhat Comics to be hosting the chair to make the jokes nobody wants to make Sebastian sold Madison Square Garden out four times yeah the fuck is he doing hosting the Video Music Awards you want to sell it at six

it whilst doing let me show it to you before you for you because in judgment go to go to Sebastian's page there's like a thing where he's like asking he's asking Jimmy Kimmel how to do it it's like dog get out get out of course they're forcing me to do a bunch of shit that's not good that's not terrible and for him right no it's not a brand for anybody Taryn old there's certain who else is going to roast that shit who else is going to show a and did a roasted he's a nice guy Sebastian's I'm gonna roast shit look if you got on the first promo he wrote it himself for even being there in the first place yeah that's okay but like he was some space roast people like a Ricky Gervais Swiss hosting something that's different yeah that's a total and they all get mad at him and he goes after every this is brant he is Cutthroat yeah shits on everybody cleaning up self I don't know I just I've always enjoyed Comics being able to have that to just go to whatever like you look at the history of the Oscars it's almost always stand-ups a lot of times I just don't give a fuck about award show see there it is so that's the

yeah that's the real truth it's not even the award host it's why the fuck are we doing this thing and I think it would see Chris Rock prepare for these award shows and like you're Chris Rock You couldn't pay me to come anywhere near one of those stupid fucking Show's host Chris Rock Chris Rock walked out at the NAACP Awards and did a Jesse small Asia nobody else is going to give you AC are you laughing look at you enjoying that Chad's different no other comic is gonna give you that that's true work what is the worst possible thing that can be said in this room for the black people that hold him and that show sacred yeah and he fucking sitting there right to it he went right to it I just don't think Kevin no Kevin would have done that Kevin would have done at the Oscars but Eddie Murphy would have done it you see Eddie Murphy when he did that we got that a lot he went after Bill Cosby hello Jack this is a quick little but it was great yeah that's great what he's talking about on them making him give him back his Awards like yeah

um what does who come back from it oh jussie Smollett you can't write yeah you can come back from Haley white people are the most forgiving genre of people are Kelly still sells tickets now right now right now right now no I know right now I know he did come back hard though that is amazing Kelly so take as a piss right time everybody saw the piste tape he had supporters at his arraignment in Brooklyn yes blasts not big fat ones yeah black aunties I'm deaf not be so you telling me Justice Molly can come back and telling a lie on the streets of Chicago and taking the whooping it is our Kelly that's not as good as I Kelly but he he he can get cast in some Jesus movie and is exception and it'll parallel and he's not admitting that anything happened the problem is that the people that could give him the Redemption are some of the people whose trust you betrayed right that's the problem is that you start looking at the lead Daniels in the Tyler Perry's and you know maybe the Ava Duvernay is and the people that are in that world of black Cinema they could get him back into whatever this crossover mainstream world is right so

about earning that trust again but I think there's no

and I'm just saying from personal experience you know there's no group of people more forgiving than I think Black Entertainment I don't think they're ever going to forgive him for calling himself the gay Tupac I don't think gay people will forgive him for that and that's for gay people to decide I'm a Tupac fans but differently what the fuck he's like what the fuck did you just say yeah he's gone but then you sit down with somebody's couch and he goes yeah that was the old me and the new me now and you come out with your wife you do some selfies on Instagram kissing yeah but he's not gonna have a wife it's gonna help boyfriend husband okay fine whatever it is come out and be happy and normal in some level of attrition hmm But what have to you'd have to like explain the whole thought process for putting on the hoax why he kept a noose on his neck lifts close talking the cops while holding the subways

yes you got to get drug through the mud yeah come on I'll get this dragon and then get back to work and nobody's gonna care 5-10 years or not nobody's going to give you good actor I thought he was fine on Empire if I wasn't my cup of tea after a couple of Seasons but I mean is Pancho was entertaining well-acted I've never looked at him well oh my God this is like it's not like looking at like some self-produce Netflix movie where I go how to fuck did this get on online he's still saying that he didn't do anything right he's still saying that he actually got mugged that's what would it that's one of those stories where after he got clear at the first time I quit clicking the links and then the city of Chicago started soon when the city of Chicago decided to sue him for the cost of the investigate as I am done yeah there's just certain shit I don't click on any more and just as male stories I just is he in a new movie I don't want to read it

that's only thing I need to do yeah I get it I think I think I honestly feel like there is a way back Marv Albert was right below the back where is wearing a dress so there's a way back Damon there's always a way to think there's a way back for what's his face from the the fucking what's his name the the Matt Lauer so we're back to that guy I don't know about that this white one

fucking around right little doesn't hold of Justice Millette was lying on to Nigerians on the curb that's but different layer Matt Lauer do we just got laid that's the narrative but apparently all those Executives had that button they all had that button to lock did they use it to grab the a sturdy table top bring that they did I bet they did I bet a lot of them are sweating out right now they lock someone in the room is there a way back from Matt Lauer I don't know if it is a long run what the problem Matt Lauer's I was talking about this last night they're definitely smaller he knows the own any of it here's the problem doesn't do anything

doesn't do anything that a regular person can't do he just talks to people he doesn't do anything he doesn't sing he doesn't tell jokes he can't paint so he's replaced out making motorcycles yeah what do you do that's so awesome he doesn't do anything that everybody can't do everything he does anyone can do he's talking to people that's all he does is like hi I'm Matt Lauer with Good Morning America or whatever the fuck the show was day today so today's show hello how are you just talking and he's talking as Bland and non-spicy as possible but in the in the so you think he's because they replaced him was it was Carson Daly was that kind of who they used for a while and today I know I'm asking you I know you don't watch this shit in the morning I Carson Daly and my girl the only had that one show that was on forever yeah last girl like one o'clock in the morning that no one watched but it stayed on yeah for years they just are the morning show for a long time too yeah there's like special but this is yeah he's been in a mix I didn't know yeah

Scott you think you're making that up no no they just turned it matter of fact they just turn last call over to a new host of gave it to Lilly Singh hmm so there's I don't know I don't know what it because here's the thing for there to be a path back there has to be what is what does redemption and ownership of whatever you've been accused of look like right because if you're in this goes back to the whole Redemption conversation

is it about your truth or is it about the truth of your accusers or is it about what Society perceives you as right or the combination of those things correct because if you don't believe if you don't agree with what your accusers said to you then you're already fucked because that's part of the Redemption is respecting their truth even if it's not true to you and it's not what you believe happened what went down when you hit the shop like you did to the teacher

correct similar correct it's just hey I'm sorry right now Granite I don't know if Matt Lauer be saying I sincerely I would sincerely like look what can I do to show attrition to move back because now even if you've had that with the with your accusers Society at large still gets to decide because the same way Society decides who wears the crown and get to decide who to take the crown from sure I know you should you can do about that right so I mean that's in a fucked-up way that's the game we saved up enough money he saved up enough money he made he was making ungodly sum what a fucking go spend your money just relax go spend your money but that's ego but that's ego and feeling like I deserve to be cook it in get it back up damn it I'm in trouble put a fucking employment on her it's also you get used to that gig of being that guy was on TV hello good morning everyone welcome to the Today Show today we have Tom Cruise and there

get him and Tom Cruise arguing over whether or not Brooke Shields take antidepressants that's a real that's real clip of crazy yeah yeah they're they're arguing over it and so strange him and Matt Lauer and Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise is telling Matt Lauer he's being glib he being glib Matt you're being glib because Matt Matt you know Tom Cruise is like he's a Scientologist yeah and they don't they don't believe in pharmaceutical drugs they don't believe in antidepressants or Psychiatry there it is right there there's a two of them arguing and Matt Lauer's got that I'm thinking because I'm holding a pen and pieces of paper War of the Worlds that's early aughts yeah it was a big deal it's a big deal it fucked Tom Cruise's career up for a long time as people like this guy's a fucking nut what are they talking about somebody else's business though he had talked about it publicly he had talked about the mistake that she's making by taking antidepressants okay saying yeah that's that's than I saw in the game well psychiatry psychiatry is

enemy of Scientology they have all these big science that Psychiatry kills and it's like someone would like an electric fucking shock thing in their head going wow it's like in Hollywood like they're there on this Crusade against against Psychiatry it's like a big part of what Scientology is the thing that makes me laugh is that I don't see a lot of Southern Scientologist I don't see a lot of Scientology Florida the big things in Clear Water out of gas what's the number one headquarters in Clearwater that's my sister lives down there she loves real close to where the number the headquarters is it's fucking weird down there man everybody just they're all walking with the got a secret do you do you think in this Society do you think Scientology will be the last religion create like when you really think about how recent Scientology is it's like the 1940s or 50s so might like it's roughly the same age just like I don't know United Airlines Delta Air

it's not an old religion we have videos of the guy who made it yeah yeah will that be the last religion that is like create it now because every other religion is like old-school you know centuries and Millennia is old but no there will be new ones the interesting thing is they're probably the last ones to get task tax-exempt status because their tax-exempt status is being questioned right now there's people that are very angry about it but they did it because they all started lawsuits against the IRS and they started thousands of lawsuits the idea was that they were going to sue the IRS into recognizing them as a legitimate religion and the way to do that was just overwhelm them with litigation

and that's still doing that's what they did they achieve tax-exempt status a long time ago they're very it's a very strange and if you ever read going clear I saw the whole thing yeah it's there the dock is great the book is even crazier because Lawrence Wright goes into depth with all these different people that like as they were realizing that it was horse shit like as they were getting like the the ninth level of Doom papers and open up its handwritten nonsense by a retard like that guy who wrote it was a he was self he was like self-diagnosing all of his own personal ailments and dealing with them himself and then trying till I pass that off as like a way to live amongst all these people that are paying attention to him but all of it started for him from himself diagnosing is it is it natural for scientologists and I'm only only know what I know from that Doc and Leah Remini lifetime she is it natural to not be like the way a

in issues openly Christian just hey how you doing the lord loves you I'm here to tell you about Jesus I don't really feel like you get that from time to time like normally when I like and watching that doc I didn't know the dude from Chicago PD used to be like the gritty yeah detective guy yeah ah damn I know you used to be a Scientologist but you never find out that somebody was into that shit until after they're out of it now I think people keep it tucked it don't like Mormons what it riding the bikes and grow with the fuck the deal is right yeah now they keep it tucked in but I think back in the day they used to talk about as openly as positive proselytized they try to get you to join

wow like just so let's try to get you something Tom just try to get people to come to these events try to get people to come to these free workshops all these different things on anxiety different things on the Mind Dianetics that's what he just decided to write about Dianetics and is like the science of cleaning your mind and avoiding all external influences that are negative and that are ruining your perspective and you should be commercials for that and it hey 80s and 90s and I bought it I bought a die next book I got a list with the volcano exploding in the commercial I remember not everything man I bought Tony Robbins shit I bought all kinds I bought book of five rings iPod fucking Art of War I bought everything I was just trying to figure out like what's the best I was into psychology when I was young because fighting all the time and I was always scared so I was trying to figure out this got to be a way to like overcome these mental hurdles like does that was like for martial arts competition the big thing was the fear and wasn't your physical ability wasn't as much of a hurdle

as the fear you know if the fear of competition was terrible sounds like this Goods but sometimes I feel confident it would be great and other times it be fucking terrified and like what gotta figure out how to be consistent so I started getting into all that kind of stuff and then when I came to La it's like a 94 I saw Dianetics commercial said fuck it all order that so I got to hide away the questions you seek the answers to here it is can word said during an operation harm you later page 182 is it possible to increase intelligence page 122 I was like oh my God a good ad yeah look at that tan tan tan Dianetics bro like a fuckin volcano take over yeah I was like thinking that I was going to be able to figure out all my mental problems for this book and then I got on the list and like every week I got some new workshop to go to or this I just punched the male and female or male just mail this is the 90s that's all they did which is male you shit

and but oh my God I got some wanted this wasn't until I moved one of the reasons why when I moved I didn't forward my mail I contacted all the compasses because of Dianetics I'd get so much shit from them really was the fucking that much shit was so much shit was like letter after letter I more than like the grocery store also it started freaking me out that they knew where I was like a bothered me bothered me like it bothered me that I was on a list I was on a list of someone who bought the book but didn't go to any classes and they knew where I was like maybe I could get him maybe the we just knock on his door hey do you want to clean up your brain hey come on we've got the solution don't you want to be a volcano that's scary bro yeah that's scary that a lot of people get sucked into that man I met quite a few people that were Scientologist I was in the summer of the I call it the you can do it motivational stuff I remember in high school I JROTC Commander we used to he used to make us watch this guy thinking stainless Bob

Todd moment Mo W ad by Mossad if I'm not mistaken he was a Vietnam vet and I like survive like a terrible white phosphorus grenade accident or something like get fucked up real bad in Vietnam but was now doing motivational speaking and once a month we would watch videos of this dude and like it just starts in a way like if you're getting to warn you can kind of start getting in line with the next and the next and I think before you know it that's when you're into Dianetics land before you really like you can find someone that's meaningful with a meaningful message and then as you progress more and more is all right I agree with less and less of each author that I'm starting to fuck wit and so it ended up Bob Mowat and then like think Dave Ramsey started phone with financial shit yeah well when I was 21 and I was first starting do comedy that's when I was really devouring as much of it as possible because I was trying to figure out like how to not be so lazy how to be motivated how to get shit done and how to how do I find the correct path and think about things

Glee and so I that's when I really got is like the Mind exercise Mmm Yeah I would follow all this personal power like you had workshops he would do like little lick notebooks and shit fill out and things to talk about and things to concentrate on like if you did do it it would help you but really what it's all about it's just getting your shit together and moving just go do something like what you did by taking a job when you would show up at a gig and you'd be working there Tuesday through Sunday and then take a day job and work nine to five that is more hustle and more hustle mindset than anything you're ever going to get out of an Anthony Robbins book like that is like just doing it just doing it makes you do more like do more hardship makes you do more hard shit understand that you want it bad so you're willing to put in the work and do things you don't want to do it's what makes you have that confidence that you know how to push through and the the mentality that I'm the type of do to get shit done like I'm going to show I'm not going to waste my day just sitting around a fucking hotel room now I'm going to go to work

work all day I'm going to drive five hours and keep that radio gig and then drive five hours and spent 10 hours of the fucking 24 in a day in a goddamn car Lord for do gigs Ford Focus just to do gigs keep that radio gear those things are every like I had a guy on yesterday this guy Dan Crenshaw he's a congressman is also a Navy SEAL we're talking about mentality I'm like when you went through buds is it do they teach you how to think or do they show you by example if they don't teach other think they just show you the hard and you do all that work and through all that work to that insane hell week all the shit that you have to do when you're going through buds training the six months of breaking you down and building you back up they teach you could do anything just by by making you do anything so you will understand how you can pass your limits what you thought your limits were are no longer your limits that's what I feel like is missing from a lot of people that are getting into motivational this motivational that they ain't doin shit

got to go do something that's the number one thing right it's fucking action take action do you believe that people that aren't as successful as you think they should be are qualified to be motivational speakers no no most yeah most people who are doing motivational speaking should stop they should stop you just robbing people you not even motivated yourself like I want to say I want to wake you up at three o'clock in the morning oh come on man we're going running like let me see let me see what you do when you're tired we see how you push yourself come on man get up get up again tomorrow get up again tomorrow get up again tomorrow the next day get up get up get up get up keep going how long can you maintain a positive attitude where's always teaching you teaching people you can't do shit yourself that you need to show people that you could do it the best motivational speakers to me our guys like David Goggins because that that guy that that's in that fucking that coin right there that guy does it every day and he's got videos you just did a hundred mile race here today put up the

on Instagram you can see them showing up 22 hours after the race starts he finishes a hundred miles like those type of people those are motivated if you ever you ever seen Goggins is Instagram page but this is insane bro he's a fucking animal it's my fucking got abs on a coin he's an animal you chisel them he's got the world record chin-ups in 24 hours he did some Preposterous number of chin-ups what's up I believe he was be recently somebody beat him I think so what a Savage not for long yeah we'll probably come back yeah he's but it's those type of people those are real motivational speakers because they're actually doing something there's a lot of people that are teaching you motivation they don't have a business they don't they're not their business is motivation like it's a weird business it's like yeah it's like teaching someone how to drive a race car you never drove one but see that's what and that goes back to the whole for me the whole New York versus LA thing and the hottest Comics you just be around at the comics that are just doing like when you

Dave Attell like you'll see David telling February you'll see him do 20 minutes right and then you'll see him in March you'll see him do a totally different 20 and then you'll see him three months later and he's taken to pieces of the five minutes from those first 20 and put it with a new killer fucking 30 another what happened to the 20 oh yeah that stuff wasn't tight enough and is it but this job this isn't any when he breaks down why that joke that you love doesn't even fucking matter to him because it was to get to this hmm like that you can't teach that you can't explain it but you can show it and then I can go home and go fuck I need to write I need to go back and look at my old shit and figure out a way David tells one of the rare guys that became an alcoholic sobered up and got better

right like usually the guys who are drunk are fucking hilarious and then they stop drinking and they get boring yeah he got the opposite he became a way better comic Tighter and just punch lines and people say that about Eminem they say that once he sobered up and went clean these better know that he was worse yeah so usually happens so it happens everybody happened to kinnison happen to Bill Hicks it happen to everybody I never had I'm not necessarily Hicks I never had alcohol a loaf alcoholic I'll drink here and there but I used to get pissed in my 20s when I would go on stage drunk or Tipsy or whatever the fuck and then after the show people would give the liquor credit for me being funny and it used to offend me so that's why I stopped drinking wow like fuck gave credit to the liquor this is so funny when you join this is funny you should drink more or the you know how these Road rooms they'll sing you shots right because you're on stage with Jack and they've Associated that is part of the also a

you lose control the audience at least I do when I'm up there drinking because there's this scene is shot someone else in the shot and now it's a fucking big it's a right it's a pep rally instead of a performance yeah when people are sending you shots that's a disaster that's a disaster because in everybody wants any sugar but then what am I doing in my performance that made someone think it was cool to do that and that that would make this experience better for everybody you're doing a Bert Kreischer it turning into a party take your shirt off because I my style and holler you shut the fuck up so I can get this chisel shit out of my mouth so I so it totally changed how I you know and also alcohol makes me sleepy and then there was too much driving in runs and stuff so I can't be drowsy headed home so you know it was just never my thing yeah it's a tricky one man because like one drink a loosen you up two drinks now getting a little silly three drinks now you're kind of drunk you know when you can still do it but is it as good as one drink no it's not but once

it one drink and you get happy you want another drink fucking have another one and then the next thing you know you're a little drunk and you're on stage like I'm at that age now I can't remember what comic did a joke like this but maybe a couple of them but we're before you drink you have to look at your schedule for the next day and a half right to mention have the bounce back and recovery and all that shit yeah it's not just can I go out Friday it's what am I doing Saturday and Sunday well you're a goal-oriented guide seems like for goal or and to people the the alcohol is one of the biggest impediments you know the craziest thing the only thing I've never been able to make proper time for my career is exercise really yeah why not I'm not good about it sir sighs because very trainer you got money because it's that's still I don't have time there's the time and so in my brain it's well I met when I when I when I was still living in La I had to train it I got to New York and then it's must do this must write must watch the video if I exercise I will be too tired and then productivity will go down when I know deep down when I exercise

more creative the brain juices and shit work more but it's the only thing that I've never been able to like properly regiment in my life well this is how you fix that force yourself like we're in August okay we have what six more days seven more days August something like that what is today 10 more days it's a the 21st so we have 10 more days August you just say at the end of this fucking month I am going to have a trainer and I'm going to work out 3 days a week with that trainer period This is how we're going to do it write it down and then just get it done and force yourself for one month for one month for the month of September for that month you have to work out 3 days a week and you write it down and then publicly state it so that you can't back out of it put it on Twitter or put it on Instagram take a little shirtless pictures of my gut just profile sure everyone little clown me but if you do that you'll force yourself to do it and next thing you know you've done it you know like I have this dog that loves running and so I'm

sure that if I don't take him run and he's he's always a pain in the ass he's dropping the ball on the table trying to get you to play like he's a very energetic dog so like that motherfucker makes me run five days a week five days a week I get up I'm like come on bro let's go let's go he goes crazy starts running around in circles he and then and then we go hit the trails is this the dog that you saw what was it what was it a snake or some shit you ran over while you were jogging one day like I know you want it was a different dog yeah that was a different dog yeah that was crazy man I jumped over this log and as I was joking with us long and like that's how rattlesnake it was fat dude like my forearm I was like fuck so the biggest things I've ever seen in terms of rattlesnakes it was big like six feet long big get out of here that is a big fucking snake and it was just laying flat out on the road like a stick just warmin yeah and the dogs went right over it they didn't even notice it because it was just completely flattened out I was literally

the are over it before I'm like oh my God that was a different one man I've killed a bunch of rattlesnakes men always seen those fuckers there was one in my neighborhood real recently where there's a video of a bobcat and a rattlesnake duke it out in the middle of the street I'm a fucking mile from my house and it's crazy Coyotes out here man there's a lot of weird Wildlife out here you know California's got weird Wildlife to see a lot of shit out there a lot of bobcats and mountain lions what do we have down South we just said squirrels I was only that's it it's only real passion for coppers yeah that shit he has of coyotes now coyotes are everywhere they have coyotes and every fucking State rittany States probably eating them a fucking coyotes oh yeah for sure people eat coyotes there's so many coyote right now right now we're someone listening that right now jerky not bad and guarantee you one of your listeners knows a person and makes coyote jerky probably yeah I'd try that shit my friends

vanilla who's going to be here tomorrow he cooked and ate a coyote on TV they wanted to see what it tasted like this fucker on a trail near San Diego she's ago the size of that fucker goddamn it's all curled up ready to go to we're to sprawled out as a society yeah well these mother fuckers are everywhere to and we need them by the way because that's why there's not as many rats rabbits and shit so whole beautiful ecosystem out there if you heard the number of rats they found out her in La recently I just saw a story about last night it's disgustingly scare All The Comedy Store 12 million over 12 million they're all the comments and if they have all 12 there's about 1.5 percent of the matter have this disgusting diseases and instead if it hits over 2% it starts spreading into people now it's a very good times the Bubonic plague we got a - bro you gotta move to the mountains yeah man moved somewhere fuck with rodents broke yeah genetic code to simple they can like can reproduce yeah sisters and moms I sisters and father

yeah brother no problem I have no problem like this no mutation is that true they own it they don't have like a sweating problem no that's what I can really three months gestation Jimmy pregnant again right three months get me pregnant again did you ever see that documentary on Netflix that rats documentary know whoo you ready for that one that's a good one write that down just that one's going to freak you out because it details they catch some of them and they just run some tests on them and this is in Suburban Atlanta and they find all kinds of crazy fucking diseases and they have Manhattan they show all these rat scrambling over garbage and into the sewer system and they show how smart they are how they'll send the young rats to test out poison and then the young rats will eat the poison and die and then the old rats like okay we get it and they they're smart depth if they're yeah man they're clever I mean there are the most prevalent mammal in any City you know if you look at NEC like out here numbers and just we're going

that's a hustler right there's more got drowned rat in New York City than there are human beings I think there's more biomass of rats then there is biomass of human beings

so means the weight you just wait just wait a sec volumes true survivor might have made that up but the biomass of mean just the sheer numbers it's there's not another animal you can think of that's like that what's that remyxx estimate of anywhere between eight point four million and 2014 all the way up to thirty three point six million rats and New York City Cheese's that's more than there are people for sure yeah tri-states what 18 million

God God rats oh documentaries amazing man they're vectors of diseases they've always been what has been carrying disease what's the number of rat what's the rat infestation looking like in countries where they eat rats though interested disease fucking not a lot of countries eat rats

you know it's the weirdest shit you ever seen those temples in India where they feed the rats the rats are everywhere dude that'll give you the heebie-jeebies these people are drinking out of bowls of milk that the rats drink out of they like scoop it up they have all these rats over like literally running around the bar at your secret or is it just we respect this is your grip either rats they feed them look at this what do you got here Jamie those this rat Temple speed up ahead so you can see what it's like when the all the rats in the people are interact yeah there we go they put out food for the rats and the Rats you could pick them up I mean the rats have zero fear of people and in fact they're like they get along with people so this is like a temple that you visited in India and fucking rats are everywhere and everybody treats these rats with respect very coexisting yeah so the reason why rats are scared of people there recognize the people want to kill him because they carry diseases but in India they just got a totally different vibe going on so look like those pigeons are hanging around those rats in New York City rats huh

pigeons here see rats kill a pigeon Sinha and drag them away like whoa have you seen the video of the Pelican then a pigeon swallow it whole that's not a pelican eat a duck a whole duck just Pelicans a low-key assholes assholes dinosaurs look at these fucking rats man there every but that's where we're headed rats are pellet that's where we're headed with fucking rats in New York you think that's just got to be normal I mean people are going to try and stop them out and poison and trap and all of that but at some point you just gotta cry Manuel hits it they're maintaining right now all right you can still go to a restaurant you still go to the movies still go shopping it's all normal and there's millions of rats running underneath your feet under the ground what's what's the plan what's De Blasio's plan you know people definitely health plan for rats it's fucking plan what kind of plan is yeah dude take care of his corrupt cops take care of as a all the problems with this tree

take care of all the crime take it you know rat problems I'm grand plan I thought they had like all these studies and EPA motherfuckers that mr. gonna do they have how much money is de Blasio have like how much money they have to spend on things like rats they really don't have any budget it probably doesn't present as much of an ominous threat no crime or Bridges and you know tunnel shit and you can all you know infrastructure probably it would have to be a pandemic disease which as Jamie are saying can't happen it's there we have medieval diseases showing up here now that particularly trash shit in Hollywood or in Downtown LA with all the homeless people it's fucking crazy because people are literally just shitting on the street just shitting everywhere the the homeless situation in Downtown LA scares me more than the rat situation

what's the numbers so it's you need to send us a thousand have you ever driven through Skid Row yeah bananas right yeah because it's close to Fashion row there's are you into fashion no but I was over there one day there's thousands and thousands of people just living on the street thousands thousands like a like a whole gigantic theater sells out and all the people pile out onto the street but that's where they live

that's what it's like it's like

like people go into the Verizon Center like 7,000 people you find it a few streets and I think the solution is some sort of hostels or something that they can start trying to do good luck these people have a cumulative like they become accustomed they've that's their lifestyle like this not what they want for sure but they're accustomed to being homeless like they've acclimated to that world and they've lived in it many of them for years and years and years and they go to places and shelters where they get food they sleep out on the street they have a whole community of people that are out in the street they're all doing drugs and most of them are psychiatric patients half of that stuff lot of them that's the thing I really fucks me up with the homeless population in this country is it half of its and then on some mental illness ship maybe some of their family just can't give them the care they need but if they got the care they need maybe they could be a little more level enough to at least be under a roof with a loved one or somebody that can afford to you know yes to take a Min no no I think you're absolutely right and in the 1980s

some of them have problems that are solvable yeah some of them but some of them don't have anybody to help them get through the problem true I mean and then things deteriorate you know they get worse and worse and worse and as you get older you lose hope and then you say this is me this is who I am now yeah there's there's like there's there's like this weird thing with the homeless as well where I feel like as a country like we were quicker to help people in groups like it like in a weird way it's still fucks me up in the end it's going to come out wrong but if there's a natural disaster the amount of money we will pour into relief and support for particular area after the hurricane or the tornado or whatever and that's fine that same type of outpouring happened just once for the homeless Coast to Coast it would change so much fucking shit yes but if people are fucked up in a group hmm at once right then it doesn't it doesn't resonate like when you see a single

homeless person or the news just shows you the role of tense yeah you don't see the person crying with the rubble behind them and they've lost everything it doesn't for whatever reason it doesn't connect the same no you're absolutely right we need like if something like Katrina happened or a giant earthquake then we would realize we have to do something but if there was no homeless people and then all sudden something terrible happened and there was 20,000 homeless people wandering around downtown we would immediately go Oh we got to fix this yeah but it's simmering low sort of effect it's simmered and similar how much money we spend on other countries right how much money we spend on Aid how much money we spent and we don't fix inner cities that have been impoverished since the fucking 1800s we don't ever go in there and try to solve problems you don't look it I've been saying this for ever like if you want a better country the best way is to ensure there's less losers and the best way to ensure there's less losers is give people more opportunities and fix places

where you have no chance I mean how many people that grow up in neighborhoods where they have no chance get out it's like it's a tiny tiny fraction of people that want to become a successful and happy most of them are trapped by the environment that they find themselves just by a random roll the dice they wind up and they're in Detroit and they're in the worst neighborhood in Detroit or there in the south side of Chicago or there in Baltimore or wherever the fuck it is and then no one does anything to fix it no one does anything to change it but if there was no place like that and also in the disaster happened and then there was a place like that then there'd be an outpouring of contributions that people would want to do something to try to fix it yeah I just think that

we live in a society where it's just the people in power know that if you help the people that you've been impressing then you run the risk of facing a raft once they have power do you think that's what it is to some degree why would I if I have an opportunity to make something better and people are labeling me as the fault for you being in that situation in the first place then I run the risk of losing power because those people are going to come get me they're going to vote me out office so it's it's about aligning your views and choices with the people that's going to keep you in office

yeah I guess but I just would think that in today's day and age people would be more Forward Thinking and they would think look we got a lot of problems with the environment we got a lot of problems with climate control like we've got we got real issues in this world but we also have problems that have been here forever that no one's done a goddamn thing defense so these new protocol the Oceans Rise and the Oceans Rise and what are we gonna do like with this is not going to affect all these inner cities these inner cities that have had these same problems forever if you looked at the problems like murder problems in this country like the places in the inner city was we have like gang violence and murder and drug trafficking on the same fucking problems over and over and over again year after year

so glad there's no no effort what do I gain

if I am if I'm a politician and I'm in power what do I gain by helping those people well you get more people to do well and you have a better economy and you have a safer society and people look at you like you're a real leader like wow mayor would do they look what he did sure if they give me the credit or less he just politically spun the wrong way or some shit yeah but yeah I mean and then I'm out that's the case with every single thing a mayor or a governor would just I don't know I just think we're black politics like that is concerned we are more inclined to vote and do things that serve our own interests first hmm politicians are more inclined to do to enact policies that serve their best interest and we're more inclined to vote for things to survive a center so the two things working against each other then for it to work for the system to work you have to vote for things that are for the greater good even if it means sacrificing your own position in the process and that's why I think a lot of politicians don't do but I think in this day and age trying to

help impoverished communities where now there's an awareness of how long stuffs been going on and how do you know Michael Wood jr. is that isn't Michael Wood jr. yeah he was a cop of Baltimore and he came across this paper from the 1970s it was detailing like rap sheets all the problems in the area and all the different crimes and he was realizing this is in mm he's like these are all the same places with the same crimes that were handling now so here we are 30 plus years later the same exact crimes in the same exact places and needs like the feeling of like futility the handling this the fact that no one gives a fuck and that this has been this way forever nothing's being Doom done to do anything other than just continue the process of arresting people letting them out arresting people letting them out and then it's just chaos I give you a good example of self-interest

so in Newark New Jersey right now they are facing water contamination levels that are higher than Flint really and there has been cover-ups out the ass that's where I was born so well go get your shit checked your parents to let it's in the past I think it's like past eight years or so they're starting to they're starting to pull it the threads now and figure out oh what the hell is this what's going on with the water and it's all these people getting fucked up the people who covered it up the people in office who could have made the decisions that you that you're saying to not fucking let fucked up water get into the water table so if a corporation says hey man my fucking don't worry about that dirty water and some money and some campaign promises me that's what happened I think so I mean you got to unravel the story we got to see how it unfolds but if there is a cover-up is a cover-up only happens if someone has more selfish self-serving

tensions in mind yeah like the the core base of a cover-up is to fuck over somebody who doesn't deserve to get fucked over yeah so off that alone the choice you're making isn't for the greater good of the society or the pride or like the way it's like you know what ants do the so dope when it's a flood you ever seen the fire ants make the float yeah that's what that's what we have to be we're not going to be that because nobody wants to be the ant on the bottom drown might drown and can't get back up to the top and time yeah

we don't we don't do that but I think there's also a sense of futility like there's a lack of resources to handle everything so you just just take take what you can handle it you can and keep moving and then just get the fuck out of Newark I mean that's how people look at it people look at those neighborhoods like a place to escape not that any it's anything that can be fixed yeah that's what I that's what I struggle with with with Birmingham and in terms of going back home and trying to do things that

feed the neighborhood positively because I feel like I never had that growing up like you know there were a couple of people and you Bo Jackson's and you're Charles Barkley's they come around and you know give a high-five to a kid or two but to be able to do things that create opportunities so that the feeling of hopelessness or whatever isn't always there or if there's one thing that could be like Big Sean did something that was dope in Detroit put $100,000 down on a recording studio and to help underprivileged kids have access to just fucking just record just to do something that makes things better so the problem is that in the process of trying to give a fuck it's stressful and they're people that are pushing and working against you and you could easily just go to sleep in your bed comfortably at night and just not care but I try I do as much as I can back home but the idea of getting the fuck out

I'm always torn on the same I'm gone I'm if nothing else I can pay my bills to are dying and think my son could go to a decent division to school and be fine but if I'm not using my gift and all these advantages to try and help him better other people somehow then I feel like I failed the city well I feel like I failed where I came from so I'm trying to figure out how the because I've never what I've never seen is someone that gave back or attempted to put back into without it costing them something in the process as well right I see what you're saying like you'd have to make a big sacrifice in order to help and you have to take time to you don't even have time to work out so how the fuck do you have time to go and save Birmingham yeah yeah that is a problem I mean you have bandwidth right you have a certain amount of bandwidth in your in your brain and how much of it can you dedicate to charitable

things how much can you dedicate to your career your family yeah it's the constant process I mean I think it's the job of people who are running cities and states and the country but it's about how much resource how much resources they have and how much the delegate to fixing these problems that have existed forever what I've learned man is I learned a shit-ton we shot you shot my Comedy Central pilot and Birmingham this summer which was not an easy feat in terms of the logistics of it just goes birmingham's not a start Atlanta it's not a bunch of fucking cameras just laying around but you start seeing how different entities of at the state level and the local level leaving the county level all have to get a little touch I'll have to have a hand in it somehow so that everyone feels like they are all part like that you have to please too many people at the same time

to get anything

to get anything remotely done I don't know I can't speak for the rest of the country but I know in Alabama that's generally how it is I think that's generally how it is with all politics I mean everybody wants a little bit of credit everybody wants a little bit of a say in it fine but the credit but just I can help yeah dude credit but help like do this logistical thing to help that like that's the stuff where nobody wants to really or you're not sure if anybody really has genuine intentions on helping Mmm Yeah because not everybody's happy for you but really that's the saddest shit ever when you think about charitable organizations and you find out how much people are making to run those charitable organizations and cows and shit yeah and how little the money actually goes towards the charity like Jesus like I know there's going to be some red tape and bureaucracy but it's like Red Cross isn't it some insane number like how much of money from Red Cross actually goes towards the actual charity itself I'm going to say 10 percent

that might be generous but that is a crazy number that night because 90 percent of all the money that comes in just to deal with overhead Aesthetics and moving stuff around and that's why that's why I kind of like GoFundMe because you can just find a motherfucking be like here yeah here's $100 yeah when there's real problems what you got Jamie What's the number let's guess type that in and it's like stories come about the CEOs been see really misleading about where the 91% of money that they says goes I don't know so it's less than ten percent 9 percent ninety one percent or ninety one percent goes somewhere other than the charity so it's 9% I think they're actually saying 91% go here to the charity we're very proud of the fact that 91 cents of every dollar that's donated goes to our services is what he said what the fuck was that you know what a ceramicist gasps yeah come on silly

she that do the dinero De Niro's suing some lady that worked for him they watched fifty five episodes of friends in a week no yeah she embezzled money allegedly embezzled money took used his miles to fly on her own personal trips I'm just making 300 Grand a year but the big story the clickbait title was he suited for 6 million dollars after a wild friends binge she watched 55 out of fifty five episodes of it in four days that's two thousand eight so that's DVDs in 2008

that is hilarious so they're still going after it 11 years later than 500 she began she was his assistant in 2008 and then and then okay she began as De Niro's assistant and she now is being sued so she basically got to a place where they're working together for 11 years 11 years of employment DeNiro Robinson Rose to vice president production in finance according to the suit which lists her 2019 salary $300,000 she finally left the company in April after being suspected of corporate sabotage said the legal filing she embezzled money and she went crazy you know what the seven hours a day that's 14 episodes that's doable it's doable yeah four days I've been to 24 and like a day and a half the whole CL whole season back in a DVD boxset days there's also a good show it's just funny that at all this shit that this lady did apparently allegedly fifty five episodes are friends of the ones that became the

there will be other click on because that's the funniest shit also watch Tony episodes of Arrested Development one day this is just sit around watching TV while she's working for what it's supposed to be doing

like maybe she's doing research maybe she's waiting around for something to do what did they were project needs friends yeah it's research can forecast that what's in your projects or even around mean well Dinero's probably trying to figure out where all this money's going because he's getting divorced right now so he's probably yeah man he's getting divorced there was a some public spat at a restaurant where he yelled at his wife I wouldn't have to do these shitty fucking movies if you weren't spending all my money yeah oh I was I see that one always feel bad for people like the Cubs second baseman Ben zobrist he's been like I don't know what the like oh physically unable to perform like he's basically been on the disabled list the entire season while he goes through and deals with his divorce oh God like divorce has some serious share it even to go make millions of dollars playing baseball I can't right now I have to go to court and count my cash and make sure that my shit is so his disabled shit is just dealing with the divorce

it's I forget not even a real injury no Cyril injury well I guess technically is many what it is that's a girl taking apart his puzzle yeah yeah but his past and she's doing she's taking apart the puzzle of his life yeah she's forcing him to go through I think it was like infidelity or something yeah there might be cheated I had a buddy of mine who he had to pay for his wife's lawyer you don't even think about it that way like if you're married you go well who's paying for her lawyer but bitch you're paying for her lawyer if she didn't work you pay for the general of the opposing Army to try to dismantle you financially and he didn't have a prenuptial agreement so he went to war for fucking years years and years and years and they were trying to drain them and the lawyers are smart man they know that the real settlement is great but with the real money is in legal fees leading up to the settlement they just drag that shit out for a couple of years hundreds of dollars an hour touch I can just hang tight hang tight and next thing you know you've lost

millions of dollars and this guy you know busted his ass 12 hours a day forever lost almost everything still to this day how about this he's been married for I think he's been married for 14 years to a new woman he was with her for 12 years and he has been paying her alimony longer than they were married while he's married to a new woman and didn't even have kids with her so he's been paying her for 14 fucking years I'm talking six figures every year she doesn't do shit she lives in a fat house in the Palisades the whole thing is bananas did you see Larry King is getting hoarse yeah I didn't know he's had this is his eighth wife yeah love it I hope he gets another one I hope he gets another one and he's like a skeleton and they enjoy walking out there an exoskeleton I can't prove it but I feel like the divorce lawyer industry is tied to the wedding industry somehow

somehow they don't have to be tied in like legally they know they both benefit from one another of course yeah of course look at that perfect relationship how did it go wrong yes want to know what the argument was about well apparently that was infidelity as well allegedly no way I can't believe it she done him on her side of his set her side apparently she had a year long affair

prenup in that one and she looked fucking hot 20 years ago when they got married because she's like 59 now so when they first start Shack and it up she was in her 30s probably looking smoking she's pretty hard pretty lady you know you think that's an addiction love the same as any other drug sure of course yeah most people lose when you talk about getting married seven times yeah and I guess a little wacky he's that marriage is it lasted like less than a year they get divorced and marry another one like I would get married

I think once if I do it'll be once if you do hang out one in me one I got one in me I was proposed to a girl like a no Three L's of on the biggest mistakes almost almost fucking me how'd you get out of it it's found out she was cheating whoo that's nice it's a relief yeah it was like in a day when you share cell phone plans and she kept pushing us over our minutes for the month I'm like what the fuck who the fuck are you talking to so the next month I requested the fool itemized call long they like back in the day Sprint with sinew your entire call log for the and I just went through it and then I could see the patterns of when I was sleep or when I was on stage you could just see that what it's all in front of you it's easy to just see the oh yeah when I go to work at 6 a.m. he called this guy and then wow yeah it was real easy to track down did you confront her yeah I was I was a little extra about it but yeah

called a called Sprint and the the I basically turned my phone into her phone

oh shit and then I started texting two dudes oh her phone how many times has to guess and so I tell both guys to come over at the same time today I'll sort of those to get it which is so my god daddy and me and of course they show up she calls me curses me out and boom bam relationship done oh so you told them to come over while she was at home correct but you weren't there correct well I like it no that's devious but in like in the bigger scheme of things if one of those is it came over and hit her oh done anything stupid yeah I'm liable and that was yeah hell yeah no you're not liable for someone calling I'll charge you with murder for somebody they shot there's there are laws not that that's not like that's I decied to men into showing up to the fucking house he got remember my brain is going don't go back to jail ever again so okay in my brain I'm going there's something that could have that could have gone South somehow I don't think you

got in trouble for that either way I wouldn't want I see what you're saying that blossoms of course of course jealous or whatever yeah that I wish I could do the jealous that he's the other one who's cheating on yeah and I had my little $700 engagement ring from Zales I took it that I'd miss is what I learned that if you return an engagement ring the sales person loses the commission who they take the commission back out of the next check because it has been a problem get upset he wasn't upset but he spent like an hour trying to tell me how to return really yeah it's not just go think about him at could think about it did you tell him just walking around the mall she's fucking two other dudes that's ultimately what I did and what I told him that he processed it but no fucking just took the hell no pushback yeah this is $70 ring is cut was probably going to be like what 70 $80 or what's the cut didn't want to give up that 80 bucks I was suspecting he's fucking hustle and he said jewelry in a mall yeah you don't want to fucking lose your fucking commission yeah those are bad decisions being made

buying jewelry in a mall it's crazy to it's more like it's like Joey though we're like she and I are like cool now oh really yeah oh that's cool likelike she's married like it's all oh wow it's all love well that's good look people grow and learn does it Solaris though that you did that yeah that was that wasn't my finest hour but like I said I'm not a fighter I figure out a way to diabolically construct a situation in tears down your entire fucking operation yeah that was a good move yeah that's a learning process to rehearse damn how could I be so awful because what I'm going to do drive over and cuss you out and grucci no no no no no nobody each other yeah it's time for us all to me so who hey man come on over to the house hey man you come on over to the house meet me at 11:00 don't come through soon come exactly at 11

wow Coulson wouldn't want to be there no some explosions you just got to walk away from no man I want to be there for that one nice wear goggles now than God I've never that's something I've never

lived down like then it just it was just ugly it was just one of those things where you just go you know what maybe I shouldn't have done that a mom's calling me the next day are we will you just talk to talk to my baby oh boy no man we can't like it was it was full-blown bro I'm sending pictures of the fucking ring and oh wow I've just like you got extra yeah it was it was not it's not my finest hour but don't you think that like those brutal breakups and all the chaos of infidelity and all that kind of nonsense like gives you a better understanding of relationships when they go well what gives you it's all like life lessons like you don't get to be you don't get to be a seasoned grown-up human being without getting your heart broken a few times without having a bunch of things going the disappointing in your work life and then then you become a person with an understanding of all the variabilities that you're dealing with in life

I think the problem though you know would love is that it also can be corroding as sense where if you've really been invested and you've really tried to love and then it didn't work I think like I feel like if you've been in love a couple of I also feel like people get married sooner there's something more pure about it but people get married later is more honest Mmm Yeah you know we're like it's like this blind love and love we never been done dirty oh my God The Skys Falling versus your grizzled vet you've been cheated on you've cheated so you know both sides to that coin so you know how it feels and you know both sides to that so when you enter into a relationship it's more pure but because you have these battle wounds in these Battle Scars I don't know if you love the same as the couple that got married in their 20s

it still stands on who you're with and how much you appreciate them it also depends on where you're at in your life like if you got married now you're a successful man I mean you did all the grinding in the hustling but someone would be entering into your life now well you're already made it you're successful you're established the hustle of getting to there's now it's just about our about maintaining which although difficult you have the confidence that it's going to happen that you don't have in the beginning the early days hustling when you were taking those odd jobs who the fuck knew where your life was going daughter the beautiful things about it there was a gigs I was headed to our didn't have gas money to get home and the gig I was going to was the gas money to get home so please don't cancel and please don't pull some some black promoter shit and don't pay me like I literally need those forty dollars you have no way to get home wow sometimes you don't get paid if you don't get paid on the way home you stop at a daily work spot

and you do some yard work or you know whatever yeah you go do some daily work real quick for the day you miss a debt you miss a shift at the radio station called a radio such a hey man I got car trouble and Kentucky I can't get home I miss the morning show sorry and then you go do some day job get your $40 and get home that's but that's a real life experience that you just can't pay for that's so valuable the fact you did do it even though it's horrible when it happened like the resolve that you just did you develop from being that person who figures your way through all those problems so it gives so if you got married now

like you're a different person like you could you figure shit out better now it's like yeah yeah yeah you also you also learn how to communicate way better so that it doesn't devolve to a point where either you are being malicious to each other yes yeah my girl is way better communication in anything I could've imagined with anyone right in my twenties yeah because of those experiences and learning yeah yeah that's yeah that's the part we try to fucking correct within as always a piece of you it's like

do you ever find I guess I can't ask you this as a married man but you find yourself sometimes looking at past relationships like jokes will you go all I know how I could have fixed that one oh yeah for sure yeah but you know what the knowledge you have now of relationships and love yes I can look back on stuff that I fucked up and go all I have to do is this this moment that joke would have hit yep that would have been damn yeah so that eats like the way like when you do a TV set and you forget one part of the joke and now for the rest of your life that's the set yep that's who you are there's a piece of you that's going fuck I should have done that thing yeah but that's an aside there's a lot of growth yeah it's like you have to leave behind these poorly finished projects to appreciate the one that you're going to put out next that's going to be the best version of it I'd look at every fucking special ever did go

they were successful I just got I'll have nothing to do with them I can't watch them I've fucking get disgusted my first two special should be combined into one I can literally look at the material got all that segues with that that yeah cut that out put this in there yeah yeah and then there's old specials and I said oh I'd like to have another crack at those ideas those are good ideas I just didn't Implement them correctly so why not move on kind of move on yeah if the idea is still valid and working felt you get trapped you trapped in Old ideas it's out there it's done new shit find something new that resonates just as well in the future as this stuff does to you when you look at the past I don't know I feel like I have some unfinished thoughts from the last special of course but that that desire and that hunger is what makes you great comic like that it's not done no I got to do more oh this has got to be better next time or make it tighter make this better more punchlines less less fat oh that's what that

discomfort and angst is what makes you an artist that's why I like trying to do stuff that has some teeth or some Edge or something opinion to it yeah shredding and stuff that I don't know if you should go that no let's go there let's figure it out there's yeah there's a joke in there somehow when you can navigate those Waters successfully it's like fuck man you get on the other end with a big laughter it's white water raft it's and there's just Rocks coming and your going left right yeah that'll yeah like this is a guy calling out how to do the joke and just navigating your way down the rocks and if you make it it is the most rewarding day malice that for me is better than just something more like yeah something more mundane like I just I can't do it yeah yeah when you see people that are doing the same mundane shit over and over and over again you they don't know what it's like to have that thrilled are they're basically getting on a fucking seesaw every day same seesaw over and over there's no thrill

and now you're not for anymore there's this too many good thoughts out there that's why I love talking with Neal Brennan like Neal Brennan is like one of those perfect Comics that I can like go hey man what do you think about this and he'll tag it darker hmm and take it to a place that I would have even considered and you know like you start noticing like there's only so even if you have a bunch of comedian friends there's only certain friends and understand how or which way you're trying to go with the bit to someone else might give you a tag that drifts off into easy land and I don't want the right right right yeah know Neil's a great joke writer and his his shit like I like his I like watching him work out premises because you know you could tell him like he's put some real thought into those idea it's an it's a thesis statement that just happens to be funny like he's really breaking shit down I like the ones where I know that it was an argument that he had with a girl he's bringing it to the stage and try to work it out and make it

because if you have an argument with a girl and then she comes to see you at a comedy club like a month later and that argument gets relayed to the audience and it's fucking stare achill you win that's how you win you win and you fucking slam dunk that is a fucking Grand Slam that shatters windows in the parking lot I've never had the courage to do it I never had the courage to perform argument material in front of in front of somebody I was dating never done it no it's hard you gotta you gotta take a chance and then being really mad at you you get off stage I give you example like Wilson Vince is another guy that I liked talking to out of New York and the premise the joke premise is that there are no hit video game set in Vietnam like that's how much we don't want to that's true splore Vietnam World War Two Bryant and Middle East is just yes we only want to discuss the kids where we win that's a good point there have been games in view of course this is some video games and peanut butter

for us hit popular twitch level ninja shit right none in Vietnam and then we'll serve it I told will serve in Supremacy and he goes that and he says that's because if you're playing a game based Vietnam you can't win even if you want to even when you win you still lose and it's taking that thought and figuring out how to weave that but like that's where I mean we're friend can help me work through an idea but then somewhere come the trick is to come around the back side of that and make sure that you're reinforcing and uplifting the people that chose to fight and yeah I'm trying to it's a whole world that I'm just obsessed with I don't know what it all boils back to the whole Trump draft Dodger thing in the hypocrisy that

if we agree that the troops are fucked and are treated horribly

then how is draft-dodging bad and that being the the thought and they actually for Vietnam Korean War we all agree was a terrible War we didn't know it at the time and some people chose to go but a lot of people were threatened with jail that they didn't go so if you did not go based on revisionist history was that not a solid decision in terms of avoiding and so it's about getting that thought through without disrespecting the heroism variety of what happened so tricky Waters this fallen tree white water rafting by the Rocks so I haven't figured it those are the those are the basic Lego blocks and I have to figure out how to get down the river without fucking hitting a jagat do you write in like essay form do you write things out like with a computer do do re at once I have the ideas together I just go loose on stage I'll go I'll just run a bit a couple times on stage without any

structure without any real structure just bullet points here the full points rhyming ya do that for a week listen to the audio the stuff that's hot transcribe and then from that transcription start filling in the blanks of how to flesh out the thought in the point a little bit more like I like then some stuff requires research there's a bit that

there's a bit that I'm working on now about how how the most important person the most important character in The Civil Rights movie is the white person is the evil white actor you cannot have a powerful civil rights movie without a white person being evil so these actors are never honor their never nominated for shit like civil rights movies only as powerful as the white actor is evil because that captures what was fucking happening back in that day right so I need to like sit and physically go to Box Office Mojo and look at the last 10 years of civil rights movies versus civil rights movies forces white savior movies and pull actors and pull examples and then look at that and then go to their IMDb and look at their trajectory post-civil rights movie to establish a pattern of if you're a white person you do evil your risk because my argument that you're risking your career

if you're not an A-list actor and you playing a racist you may not do shit else at the because for black people if you say nigga it's too real so we can't see you as a fucking Romulan and a Star Trek movie usually yeah we're unable to process so

so that joke I have that idea and I'll just work that thought a couple of times but now before I put it on stage again I need movies I need examples to back up the thesis statement so that's what I'll start writing and really start looking at all of these examples and I also have

like it's in the same ballpark of that is about how like people call like green but like a white savior movie and how this movie is about white people doing a good deed for black people back in the day and black people don't like white savior movies because you know it avoids the pain and the struggle and all that shit and I feel like white savior movies are just reactionary to powerful civil rights movement because nobody wants to be portrayed negatively so if there are enough civil rights movies that play white people as evil it's inevitable that a white person is going to write a movie about remember the time we drove you around to play the piano like that's it's inevitable we we fetch your chicken and drove it so don't just say all that don't just show all those evil things we did let's also acknowledge the time we drove you around and I think if I go back and I look through the history of the box office over the last 20 years I guarantee you I'll be able to find an oscillation between powerful civil rights movie

light save your movie and when you write that out you just going to write bullet points and then just run it on no no now will do bullet points of all the movies and then so the next stage is I'll do I'll write all those movies out and I'll go on stage and do half of those movies one set the next set I'll do the other half of movies and see which one's resonate the quickest with the audience because they're not all going to be timeless Classics right some of them going to be deep in the woods but like Mississippi Burning or like right like Malcolm X and Driving Miss Daisy yeah those are two perfect examples of conflicting films in the same year so I need iconic examples like that where everybody knows the movie correct what I haven't even seen it yes so that's trial and error so that just has to go on stage a couple times and then once I know what the movies are then we write it then you verbatim that shit yeah really if I can get it worked that's black belt level comedy that's black belt level it's like you have to you have to have like this is not something that's obvious in front of you you have like a scaffolding and you're trying to construct this and figure out a way that

squeeze the most juice out of it that's that's that white water rafting that's it's so it's so rewarding when that gets pulled off I just feel like if you look at every genre and it's not to defend a white save your movie as much as it is to just show water fuck it happens yeah this is why I like black people in the 90s like Boyz n the Hood in the 90s that was the era of Shoot Em Up bang bang Hood Classics and somewhere around 95 96 black Cinema became much more positive and reinforcing and there was Waiting to Exhale and Poetic Justice and above the knot Above the Rim what's the other one Love Jones and Love and Basketball like there were all these more positive black Senate that was in direct reaction to not wanting to be perceived and portrayed constantly in a negative light so I could probably go deep into the fucking weeds Race by race on sentiment like I could do all the Asian movies in end with

too rich Asians as the counter to that but it's not necessarily Asian saved like there's no way I don't know how to connect it but I believe there's a way with all of these cinematic movies to connect it all together and at that point you probably got a 25-minute bit that you know needs to be chopped down to 10 to 10 yeah but that's how you build all that you build the whole house and then you just start chopping off and when you do that are you writing it out do you do ever write things out as well as asking an essay form because one of the things that I found that has a great benefit as I write things out not trying to be funny instead of just writing it out in a way where I'm trying to be funny I just write it out like I'm writing an essay like I'm writing an article for a magazine and then in doing that I'll extract chunks that are funny because I find that when I'm trying to write as a comic I'm trying to write setup punchline it's to defining it's too limiting but when I write in an open Forum then funny

is are in there and I just come out and pull them do you think do you think part of that is having the advantage of the audience being with you immediate like when you have your audience you're afforded that opportunity to because it's weird because the way we build material now I don't think that's how you did it when you first started was in or about just the joke the joke the joke yeah you had to be you had a gain their confidence right that was the things like you had to start strong you have a good opening bit you couldn't fuck around two months they had I have confidence in you like this is going to waste my fucking time you know they just see if you're on a show when you're in a when you're an amateur you know fucking ten other people before you you have to grab them you gotta grab them you gotta grab them and show them that you have something yeah but then once you become an established comedian the other problem is you're working with a bunch of other establish comedians like say if I'm working with you and then there's Joey Diaz and you know all these other fucking people that are going on that are murdering and then you go up with some bullshit new stuff like that stuff has to be

like having an established audience is great for a couple minutes and then you better have some shit yeah you know it's almost like they have there's more expectations so things have to be more tight but some people don't do that some people don't do clubs anymore or they're working with a bunch of people they don't do like the store or the Improv we're working with a bunch of people instead they do their own shows they do their own shows only they have the same opening act all the time and the people there to see them and it's a low bar they don't have to worry about it as much I think that's that's a mistake but I think that sa form I started figuring that out maybe ten years ago I started writing things in essay form originally stood as blog posts I would write blog posts and I take those blog posts and I was extract ideas from them and then make it into comedy but I feel like the writing without the limitations of it needing to be funny is where I get the most ideas yeah and then you also have the most truth in there as well yes because I'm not just trying to bullshit people for a laugh

I'm trying to find out like what is it about if that premise of the white savior movie like what is it about white people making these moves like what are they trying to are they trying to defend something are they trying to exonerate themselves like what are they trying to do and they make that movie is it just a feel-good is it their distorted idea of how to bring everybody together is to show that someone people really good back then even the bad times look yeah great movie hey good job Michael you know good job well like everybody did a great job in this movie like what is it that that's the motivation you can find you know you find those those gems of humor those roots of humor in that yeah that's what I'm that's what I'll try that I'll try writing writing it out more before putting it on I just like writing that way because I don't have to do anything there's no expectation like it's just just thoughts just spill the thoughts out and then you get absorbed in the writing and then in that absorption you're a funny guy you're always gonna think funny thoughts those

funny thoughts can come out when you're talking about something like and what the fuck was this guy thinking and then you go on this whole rant about this thing that maybe if you didn't give yourself the opportunity to sit in front of a computer and just stare at the screen and stared those keyboard you probably wouldn't have come up with that premise also once I have the joke in a decent shape even if it's kind of loose I start watching myself on mute perform like go from audio to once the Geocache structure to video and then just watching myself from you and just seeing body language and just seeing does this look funny does this look that's interesting I've never done that I think you just had once once identified with my community Trent's were it's quick spastic movement but not a lot of stage talking walking the stage doesn't work for me I'm not Chris Rock So operating like a three foot box to either side of Center Stage

if it's quick and hit but nobody if I if I take my head one way then bring my shoulders instead of bringing my head and shoulders at the same time on the turn is if I'm content while I'm contemplating the point hmm something as simple as that for me helps jokes and then I can go back and listen to the audio go back and watch the video and see where I'm getting laughs just off movement and I haven't said a word yet and for me it's quick movements and facial expressions those are the extra little Accord at the extra season and that's the shit that you know once you kind of get the joke in a good place where can we add a little seasoning is it a vocal inflection is it coming down on this part is it looking this way they look in that way for they're like almost borderline performative like on some acting shit but just looking and finding places where the emotions can change and not necessarily on this line I do this thing mmm but its just oh this part is funnier if I'm not as excited

is that a Foxworthy system shows watching bring the funny and he told one or two contestants if you started a team with bring the funny it's when the competition comedy show the new show it's Last Comic Standing but with Sketch comics in there as well so it's not it's not strictly stand up its sketch and variety acts and all of that type of shit but the same shit you go out in front of three judges somebody crushes your dreams and then you talk shit about it behind their backs what she kicked off the show but he tells somebody when she started at 10:00 you have nowhere else to go so I try to keep that in mind hmm in terms of just not being too big too soon but yeah it's really just shifting gears it's it's a fascinating process and we discussed this on the show many times before that there's no books that can tell you how to do it the only way you get like the one of the things that's really cool about this conversation is young guys coming up young girls coming up the want to learn how to do comedy can listen to your process and they'll get an idea of the

map ahead they'll get an idea of the road because there's really there's no courses you can take that are ever going to prepare you you have to find established Comedians and listen to them talk about how they do it and in a sense what we're doing is we're laying down like sort of a course for for the up-and-coming class for the people that are starting out now that don't really have anyone to show them how to do it they can cut a lot of time out by listening to a guy like you who's explaining the mistakes that he made and then the good choices that you made and then your process I tried one of the tricks that I had early on was to just avoid topics that anybody else was talking about and then even if the joke wasn't the funniest I got credit for being original hmm now note this will work for every comic but I know coming up early 2000s in the back half of the Def Jam error to be a black comic that wasn't talking about fucking and sucking and weed and you have been so broke I just I didn't touch none of that shit yeah so

a mainstream Booker it was just oh wow he did a joke about suicide okay well that's looking right yeah book him well there's such a couple of jokes that I it was just weird off-brand shit but still finding funny in that there's such a temptation to pick on tried and true even tried and proven subjects because you know the work you know you're scared in the beginning right yeah you start use I feel like you start as a weird image like my early my first two years of Comedy was this weird Martin Lawrence Doug Stanhope hybrid child like I don't know it was Terrible's is very terrible but I started noticing that when the first thing I needed to do was the first objective when I got on was to all right all the road Booker said you got to get a TV critic get to get a TV credit and then I can pay you more all right well the only thing that was booking people on a regular was Comic View so BET's ComicView became the path but then

I didn't get ComicView like two three years in a row and I looked at the material I submit it versus the materials being performed it was guys doing better versions of the same topics as me so alright this year we're going to try doing different topics from everybody so I watch Comic View for a whole year kept a log of every topic that was touched on for every episode and just never did jumps about those topics wow so you actually wrote it out yeah every week all of you came on every night though yeah I remember back in the day like 2000 2001 kind of you came on Monday through Friday and it was six comics and episode so every week you had a cross section of what 40 motherfuckers were talking about wow for 12 weeks that's a shit-ton of Comedy it's a shit ton of topics and you'd be surprised was a lot of repetition and overlap so by simply not talking about that shit

it's enough to get you a little bit later it's no different to what's happening now with alt senior just a different delivery or different Cadence you have a different look being different is almost as important as being funny now yes I don't think that one I don't think that being different should be prioritised over being funny but if you're different and you're fucking hilarious thing you yeah people appreciate it for sure just like any other genre of art whether it's music or Cinema anything being different is rewarded that's why I've always liked Emo Philips man really yeah it's like I just wanted to do the thing and the Cadence was never typical that just outside all right that's at minimum it's different so it's challenging themselves so I'm going to try that so let's let's move on yeah the Avant got Theo comedy like CTO contradicting you can't imitate that like the only way that shit works is if it comes out of Theo's mouth it doesn't even make sense

coming out of someone else you'll get the laughs on he gets a laugh on the set up and he gets a laugh on the pause yeah and the pause is that anticipatory geek like you already know they already know it's gonna be good and they should count it got the yeah but he's good man yeah he's real good and I watched that guy turned a corner man about two three years ago he just hit his Groove Anyway full mullet well you he had a moment before but it was he just found that Groove like whatever it is that made him he found what it is they found the frequency and then he just hit into it and very very very original you'd never hear him talking about like stuff that other people have talked about is a New York guy like that Mark Normand Martin Norman has a way sure a lock love Mark Normand pivot is coming on soon he's not as on here a couple weeks he's great Norman just knows how to Pivot in a way you think it's going this way and it's just a basketball crossover very good writer very good Rider listen man I got to wrap this up but

this is awesome I really appreciate I'm glad we finally did it thank you so much was awesome thank you rob enjoyed your work for a long time so I'm glad to have you on here man I'll let you know when the Vietnam joke gets worked out let it know let us know me sometime all right bye everybody thank