#1312 - Ms. Pat

Jun 18, 2019

Ms. Pat is a comedian, actress, and author. Her new podcast "The Patdown" is available now on Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts.

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visit Simply Safe.com Rogan you'll get free shipping and a 60 day risk-free trial you got nothing to lose so go now and be sure you go to Simply Save.com Rogan so that they know this show sent you that's simply save.com / Rogan my guest today is absolutely one of the funniest human beings on the planet her stories are so fucking insane and so heartbreaking and also hilarious at the same time it's I don't know anybody like Miss Pat and I talked her into doing a podcast she's got her own podcast now it's called the pat-down and we try to talk her into some other stuff on the show today to I love her to death please welcome the hilarious an amazing Miss Pat

check it out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day Joe Rogan podcast by night all day

Miss Patra live what's up how are you hey great to see you again glad to be back man this Studios better than my house crap I'm gonna tell Mom has we need moving Joe Rogan Studio there's not a lot of room for extra people I know I know I know I'm just fantasizing but you still in Indianapolis unfortunately you don't like it there hey y'all know I like my fans but I'm black and you know it's snowing snowing we don't go together and it you know I just don't like it it's the same oh everybody the Applebee's and Golden Corral I need culture our culture yeah we're home without you cago I'm cool I want to go back to Atlanta Atlanta that's why I want to be I want to be in Atlanta I love Atlanta Yes Man the food to people yes I just I want to walk out my door and smell Mexican Indian I'll type of spices all I smell in my communities duck shit and tiki torches

enjoy your seat because white women do they laundry dryer sheet yeah I need some coach I need to walk outside and see all types of people isn't it weird how place is just never developed a lot of culture of some places just the spots just never get any more interesting yeah it's just it's so boring everybody going to church nobody curse and when I come on my door and if I'm talking to a name and I use perfect oh my God I said I'm not going to change my language because you decide to walk your dog today and stop and talk to me you tried to talk to me and everybody pick up their dog shit in my community and and where I'm from hey that was fertilizer you see your name on a big old pound of dog crap in his hand I'm like dude no no I don't think it works as fertilizer is my dog pisses and shits on the lawn and just leaves his big old like yellow split and it rains on they just go into the grass that's true they don't kill the great don't kill the grass I did the Piston has the piste seems to kill the grass well I don't know we didn't have no

everybody walk through the grass I just don't care about loans until about came became a homeowner yeah homeowners care about lawns homeowners care about a lot of crap you have to yeah I have a rental property in Atlanta if I can get rid of that I would never ever black people come up with some of the strangest things why they ain't got they rent like I supposed to care I'll tell him Bank of America don't care that your mama that you're doing your grandchild had a seizure I need my rent money put a spoon in his mouth tell me about see ya I mean I've had so I just got be so glad when I can get rid of this property so you own a place in Atlanta yes would you live there at the place of your own hell no no no I wouldn't

where else oh yeah I want to go to peace Tri-City kill us all yeah I want to live in Atlanta I love Atlanta why don't you make your way down there what's holding you in Indianapolis Healthcare Jeff Healthcare my husband has a really good job that we pays nothing his knee just went out his hands on going out and I can't pay for them types of things what damn he tore his ACL running to the cafeteria at work oh yeah I've done that I don't at or both of them you probably will exercises yes going to get food don't watch this episode of Joe Rogan baby I'm sorry sir that's a rough one recover from takes six months yeah six months now he's got a Coppertone in his hand so he's going to have a hand surgeon type what does he he builds the Allison Transmission for Allison oh yeah moving things with his hands yes a bitch my mom got that that's a rough

one well I've never had a job why did that much repetition you know I sold drugs and watch if you check it wasn't an everyday thing I had to do so you have how many checks you have to forge we get carpal tunnel yeah a lot so what was he burn 32 you don't have any mo to burn you got away to somebody steal the next book plus I was really young back in the day yeah damn so that's what's keeping you in Indianapolis Healthcare husband I need a TV show so I can get some really good health care well your podcast is launched now it is was it's called the pat-down the pat-down and I have my own song to thank you yes we're talking about Ari yes but our get in trouble for putting other people's songs on his podcast and they demonetised his podcast yeah my nephew Riverdale shouting made me my own little pat down some oh nice so yeah so somebody made a song for you that's yeah yeah I was just trying to do something different is only 30 minutes of me talking crap about whatever

going on in my life you don't fit you my keys in the background getting cussed out you had a crowded a calling me and my co-host is a little white boy named Chris who don't know nothing about Black America and then I got my friend who just he's ready to go March if you if you need him to so I got ya I got this little bit tear and it's crazy as Democrat together and I'm down a mirror and say hey we can all get along and they hated each other their first how'd you get them together because they hated each other he did it on purpose yeah my black friend thought Chris was races I was like no I know races he's not racist he just not Eve to the fact and so I put them what not Eve Eve did not tell him I'm trying to say naive oh now you know you gotta translate you know we have these conversation about race and

we did an episode about abortion and Chris was like he's really Christian he was like I was like do you believe a woman should have a right to have an abortion he just pit-a-pat it all around Chris just say yes I fucking know and finally said I don't believe a woman should have an abortion I said that's fine but this is my vagina and I can do what I want to do with if I want to stick firecrackers in my vagina and turn it into the 4th of July Joe Rogan this is my vagina as long as I don't get no vagina juice on you that makes sense yeah Atlanta's got a problem now with that right isn't that Georgia just passed a new abortion law I think it's past year but if she just canceled her shows yeah yeah she's canceled her shows in Atlanta because I think it passed I think that was the idea that's why she canceled it now thank you pay a joke because all the TV people haven't pulled out yet oh you can't they would if it passed I think they would have I really think they got us money Atlanta got them in there because the tax money yeah I think they're leaving a lot of people lose their jobs

I don't think though I should be telling us what to do with our bodies I don't think so either yeah that means that you know I've been shot in the Tdap my woman is messed up so that's like you trying to tell me I should get my teeth fixed if I don't want my teeth fixed It's my prerogative I shouldn't have to have Mighty Feats right Joe how do you feel about late-term abortions that's where people get scared now I don't think squirrely yeah I don't think you should be killing don't have an abortion in 06298 months now and I don't think it should be Recreation either because I had an abortion or accurate get really just doing it for fun right I like oh I've had a few friends what are you gonna do today well I was thinking about riding a roller coaster but fuck it I'll get an abortion I've had a few friends that had quite a few more shows that I've had one myself I mean my in my situation I think everybody's situation is different my situation I was I already had my first baby at 14 my second child at 15 and it was by a married man well I got pregnant by his married man again and I just looked at myself I said here I am six

pregnant with my third child I cannot take care of to I got you know it was all of this stuff like what they tell you about birth control and safe sex that wasn't going on in the 80s you know people shed need those and talking wouldn't even talk about it well especially when you were a little kid your I'm 14 my little kid I was a kid so when I got pregnant with my third child I became emancipated minor in divorce my mom and I went and got an abortion because I knew he wasn't helping me with the first two that's so crazy so I told the story on the first podcast and it's still to this day sometimes I'll be doing something and I just think about your store in the school

sounds rugs as a teenager pregnant with two kids by the time you're 16 by Marilyn crazy in jail I mean I dropped out of school in the 8th grade you know all of that stuff and I just said I said I don't want my kids in them like me so I was like I can't keep having these babies and after that I got on birth control and I just prayed I said Lord I don't want no more kids by this bomb and I never got pregnant so I got married well that's good yeah so now I have those two you know I used to tell a bit about I got a set of Medicaid kids on the set of Blue Cross Blue Shield kids so I waited till they got older and I mean I got older and I became got a I started to learn about life he taught me a lot and so I had those last two a nighttime iTunes very very good move yeah I'm throws enough for more than that's a good number but you know Joe I'm black so my family smoke crack so they keep giving me their kids I had to tie my tubes and

rule for the crack baby they keep coming in and not my house I'm raising for right now really yeah I have my niece my niece my picked up my knees like five years ago to help her out oh she had a baby that was two weeks old and I have this thing like all kids deserve off solid foundation because I didn't have one so I picked this is my third set of kids I've raised and I'm just 47 so I picked my niece up maybe two weeks old and she got three other kids I said okay I got this big house in Indianapolis come live with me I got three four extra bedroom well this bitch ran off and left me with him kid now I have a 5 or 8 with her kids Yeah Anna 10 and 11 year old and I've had these kids for six years and I literally have not seen my niece and almost four years no phone call no nothing and you know I'm trying to build a career so I have a daughter who my home I all my kids who was at the house and I had to make a major sacrifice like my daughter

go off to college because you don't want to leave my husband with these four kids so she went to college in Indianapolis but she states she went mostly from you know home my son can go off to college because they at home helping raise the for kids that I called my crack babies but their home raising my crack baby because you don't want to leave my husband out for these crack babies body cells so you know where's the mother you want to hear some great the bitch blocked me on Facebook joke she won't even let me be a friend on Facebook what you're taking care of her children yeah he blocked you on Facebook watch your block you like Aunt Selma kill you bitch I thought I was ready to live my best life I was making some money my husband go to Hawaii getting naked flown in the water right bam for crack babies you can't do that when you can't you know how much a ticket to Hawaii you call I can't take them crack with me oh my God I love love crazy yeah so

I mean it changes changed everything and then you know my when she left and she didn't even give me Custer I had to go and hide his lawyer and go and get custody because she just ran off and I asked the you know the welfare system in Indianapolis I said can y'all just give me childcare costs childcare was gonna be like $800 a week because my kids was in high school when she loved and they was like no we can't give you that but we will give you Medicaid and $300

they get they didn't they didn't give me shit Jesus Christ so I just I just made a way myself and I said you know what I've had this baby since she was two weeks old how do you drop a baby that you've had since she was two weeks old especially your baby now yeah you can't I can't talk to you yeah it's so fucking crazy the mother blocked you I know where she is no oh my God no but we did make a secret account right of a nice fine man like yourself Joe Rogan nice fine black man and we friended her so she accept is a friend so she don't know that that's up and she only see a podcast so I can tell so we follow her like that so she's on the other side of town getting high never hit me up never talked about the kids you know I don't get a dime from nobody nobody and I don't ask for nothing I mean I'm just at this point I'm thankful that I can even take care of these kids because my sister was on drugs and I took here her keys my niece was on drugs now I told

room 14 years with my husband and she's on drugs now the door is on trouble my sister gun back and got them all on drugs like her oh Jesus Christ so I made sure that these kids can't go back to that situation now I call them my bujji crack babies they won't even eat McDonald's only Chick-fil-A there's no we don't eat McDonald's we eat Chick-fil-A and I was like I remember when your ass and eat at all baby give me great material but it is not easy but I'm do they know you call him crack babies no they don't have my damn kids crack crack babies come my God she did they call you mom they do and it's kinda weird but it just started calling me

out of nowhere don't don't call me fucking mum Aunt T and but now I just let him go it's beautiful well they go to school and they see all of you know I live in his white Community they say all these kids want Mom and Daddy and he's like well why don't we have and it just started calling me Mom and so with mom and my daughter who she just graduated from college but she's they got two moms and in my dad my husband is there daddy oh yeah I love that what thank you thanks that's a beautiful thing you're doing it really is even though the ladies can't stand under kids know in the black and she's a bitch yeah that's what she is kids got lucky they got lucky they really did it really took them on a Disney cruise last year Joe and oh my God they had the time or they live look at my crack babies they don't know what I don't say them from the crash what you say on a Disney cruise yeah the crews with matching outfit but I love them I mean amazing

in the really is I mean I know it's hard but it's amazing that you're doing that well you know like I said early every every child deserves a solid foundation start on unfortunately for me I didn't have that solid foundation I didn't have nobody to step in my life and you know snatch me from my mom but you know whatever I see a child in need especially a family member I always try to step in because I know I know when you don't have that solid foundation where you can end up in some kids in a you know fucked up even with a solid foundation but if you can give them a good start at least give them a good start and that's all I ever wanted to do that's beautiful yeah it's Evans Learning Center is killing me I'll put a black crack babies in this white Community kids been reading since day one to day when whooping my Blackberry ask you Joe Rosen did tutors hell yeah well I'll be glad when you crack babies catch up I'll be glad when y'all get to we gotta get this podcast take off yes yes yes well I don't

a TV show these days they don't you just need that podcast to keep going I know and I'm enjoying it too hard and you're perfect for it like that's what we were talking about The Comedy Store last time I saw you four o'clock in the morning I was like you got to you have to do you write you write it I really like it too I knew you I was like doesn't make any sense that you don't have one yep and I mean I'm enjoy 30 minutes they all Miss pett give me more I'm like excuse me I'm sitting here with no wig on no brain technobabble and Chris might be smelling me after 35 minutes this is all you gonna get plus you know he come over at for three o'clock and then my babies come in and do it for clocks on the search has down I'm screaming and hollering I got to go fix food and and I got a life I'm married I can't sit down for you know throw Max is fine and I like it as long as you're consistent that's the whole thing is like be consistent don't take weeks off like when people take like four weeks off I week so people forget and then the not interested in your podcast anymore but if

consistent you just keep doing it people will get it becomes a part of their routine and then they tell people you got to listen to this path podcast and the casino by Word of Mouth it just spreads yeah and I mean we have so many episodes in the bank I'm going to yeah I think we got probably 20 anybody level yeah it wasn't as good as the ones that I put out regular but you know when I first started I was kind of shy and alone what I'm sorry I'm something you don't have look how many times you have to say what the fuck did you do I was kind of shocked that's the last word I would ever use for you fight but I'm kind of shot Joe I mean yo cuz I'm contouring people like what the fuck did you say I did actually talked about you on my first one so when I first did your podcast it was a story out that Joe Rogan is a badass and you choked out of mountain lion and I was like I don't want to go talk to no white man has got a fucking mountain lions that's a made-up story I know but I didn't know at first and I was so scared

Joe was a mountain lion killer like I was out there choking line

so black people doing drive-bys who used to white people just took it out of Mountain line so I'm trying to figure out how the fuck he get up on the mountain lion and he got the hollow weapon sneak up on a mountain lion from behind and took the shit out of him he gotta be strong as fuck so I kept digging and I realize that story wasn't rasa I don't want to talk no white do the choked out of my foot you know I see you at that big old weight and shit that big old horse head while I know he killed that fucking mouth line but it took a while for me to realize that it took about two bottom mom before I realize that story was super freaky clown sister didn't think my own sister thought it was real really texted me she's because you really truck got him out - fuck is wrong with you what are you a badass you of me only you can sneak up on a mountain lion choke the shit out of it I don't think so well I run with a knife when I run I carry a knife with me just in case because there's mountain lions in my community really yeah

seen them then I run with my dog and Mountain Lion tries to Jack me or my dog I want to have something on me so you if he jack your dog you don't stabbing fuck you you know I was just telling the story about my you know I'm from the south right so back in the day in don't get offended people but you know dog fighting is big in the South so we didn't fight like no danger shit we just put them down later on the ground who have a dog get the best they went in there late my dog was named pump pump now or later you're like candy now and laters the candy candy so you have the dogs fight over candy yeah well we should I meet my dog is a split the candy whatever anything in my dog food so we would meet my dog will fight a lot but if you got the best of my dog I would jump in and whup your dog ass you was not gonna whup my old last German Shepherd then I'll be calling in because I'm out I'm abusing the dog because I don't know fucking dollars

fo crack babies and I don't have an Alum of this was back in the day and I was a little girl but that's what we used to do it is a big thing in the South period I knew a guy who had 30 pit bulls and his backyard he had these boxes like that he did the dogs live in these little dog houses and they were chained to a post and they were in his yard and I didn't see it my friend was telling me about it but I knew the guy yeah he lived down lived in Kentucky yeah we lived in Kentucky and they fought dogs well we only did we just key is we like what we I've been who of a dog get the best of a dog they that's the winning now right so if I thought pump put was about to get go down on his back I will jump in and put your dog in a Chokehold because I like wrestling I was thinking fuck yeah I will thicken for the shit out of your dog I was not losing them now Les dijo we didn't eat a lot I could lose my only meal that day your only meal was now or later some day it may pop up with that on the sidewalk below we whupped his ass do pop up and we'll split the now

wow there's a lot of people right now listen like is this lady for real and I can assure you assure them that you are I'm for real y'all had a crazy fucking life you know I mean there's so many people that are insulated from the kind of life that you've had they don't know anybody like you you know so I'm realizing that Chris my producer I scare the shit out of he's like why are you yelling at me I'm like Chris I'm not yelling you know in a black woman yelling she gonna twist and hugging and taking off on wig and unbuckling her bra I'm yelling I'm just talking my voice I have a deep voice and is it carries you know what's crazy cause like I said he's a little white kid from Indianapolis and so I'm talking to on the podcast and I'm teaching them about black pussy incense you ever heard of that black pussy incense yeah you know that she burned black people use about in the house I know about incense but if you like pussy suomi down it wasn't real so we put out the podcast about like my mama say black pussy is it was the best sent out there Joe okay

you look like what it is smell like I like incense yeah that was the name of and I told you I told him about me like what are you talking about I'm like I'm telling you black pussy isn't everybody listen to our Kelly and burnt black pussy incense on a Saturday morning clean the house everybody listen to our Kelly and burnt black pudding oh shit she's so every week every week I'm teaching them something that he is never heard of what do you think about all this R.Kelly shut

I think you did it Joe I mean what don't people just look at people just looked away you know it's I tell a bit on stage I was it something about a big dick man beep deep black man that can't read they put sit down they put it down my first kiss I couldn't read it when I ain't got no side teeth and they can't read they got the best sex because they practice all the time black man who can't read though don't have sex like black men who got a 95 who can't read the sex is totally different because of not tired because they practice all they do is practice on women but you got my husband got to go to work Joey got time to be flipping me over slapping me across the head

well you got a brother that Kate Reed and don't work the best sex now you know go to work but you going to watch The Young and the Restless and housewife of Atlanta but when you know when he get back that that dick is laying on that pillow for you let's go I know Whitney Houston went through everybody you know you have to work even harder because you had more money than him right yeah that's true so we had a meme they put up on the Instagram the other day of how every dude whose girlfriend is paying for everything stands and it's like a guy standing with his arm deep around the girl like deeper around holding on to her they're waiting in line for things baby I'm public always baby holding a hand you can't get my husband the hold my hand you know why can't you pay the mortgage I love you say thank you I'm in the bed

I was on the phone my friend one day my toe so I said listen to my husband my husband funny as fuck so I said hey I said baby you want some pussy he say not at all my friends I did he say not at all and I think is what he's snoring already we have that type of relationship hey I'm gonna fuck me on 14 because I think I'm ovulating I need to get some stuff off my chest oh my God he's a not at all Joe we bought a Sleep Number bed and he's like because his knee was missing embody Sleep Number bed I'm gonna put it out every night I'm like fuck yeah so I had just got a deal with Fox for my TV show so I walk in there I walking them all sleep now my like a real nigga grow when they get some mud give me the best fucking bad you won't because I'm going to fuck every night

$13,000 Sleep Number bed but I should have no he wasn't gonna do shit cuz he was a cyst don't get the measure that split down the middle you know the two matches the separate let's just split down the middle and now there's something I want to say I got em hey you want to come to America gets bullshit aside he know he'd always I fuck with you on that mattress to cell phone out come over here and in that we don't gave a we just fucking the middle and by the time we get mint through the fucking matches on fell off the bed can we in the middle of the whole lap and Heavens I'm just chips and shit just got the remote my wig everything I get my TV show

yeah I didn't like that sleep number bed I tried the thing else too confusing I didn't like it he loves Joe every time I come home he got his feet in the air like he had a gynecologist visit so it's one of those deals yeah heats up I'm like this measure is only good for heating your balls are we could have got your blow dryer your balls up they sell mattresses now the cool you mark Sisson was contacting or yeah yeah I'm gonna get one there yeah yeah system was just telling me about that I'm going through menopause I might need to get that through I'll be heating up Joe yeah and he Almighty I'm like I'm having a hot flash now and I don't want to drop my titties on your table but boss in here I don't feel it you know when you get her for you ack stop no high flat she's like five minutes I'm heating up now but yeah anyway yeah goes away what was that caused by I don't know you gotta ask Mary I don't know what Mary Did in the beginning it was Mary with Jesus yeah no ma'am

what Jesus wanted Jesus Mama only the Bible who do you mean Mary Mary who but who do you mean when you say in America I asked Mary no I'm sorry I'm to my Eve inhale start to hear you I'm sorry I get that oh that bitch she fucked everything up yeah every time I got talking snake you got it talk is late mean I'm cramps ain't no joke and now I'm having hot flashes off course this bitch bitter apple I can you give me an opportunity by the Apple I won't bite the Apple take the hot flashes I'll be on a plane or t to heat up and white man next to me don't understand why I got my tea and my lap I'm Fanning yourself off yes yes yes it comes and goes but how like last five minutes and then the last few minutes and then I go back to mom like I'm cooling down now so I don't know where you just get hot yeah and it hit you in different places like Mars is good between my titties on my neck some people's up on the day arms you know and so a spot like once my hit me right here my titties my titties heat up like if you

from that about 95 degrees don't touch him cause you married but I'm just saying don't you mind your fingers here goes more than two-thirds of North American women who are headed into menopause have hot flashes they also affect women who start menopause after chemotherapy or surgery to remove their ovaries well I didn't say anything on why it's North American that's what I was wondering it says what is a hot flash is a sudden feeling of heat sometimes a red flushed face and sweating we don't know exactly what causes them but they may relate to changes in circulation I guarantee if they happen to men they know exactly what caused them Odell fix that shit they figured out oh yeah they'll fix that job if they if they can fix a soft penis yeah they'll fix them and eat but they we can't do nothing with all body yeah exactly not fixing soft dicks and everything else will be solved

no ha ha ha I don't think that would work there any things that so they can't say stop fixing stopped picked it up silicon learn did have to unlearn Viagra look just let the man dick do what it do when it die let it die then that's that's at the point where the lady need to know what you need to put some cocoa butter up on the hippie slide across the thigh

I don't think that's gonna help either when is always all right I guess yeah yeah people like think that they would be happy when it's over like good finally so women are happy when they pierce don't come on oh my why can't me and be happy when a penis don't work because for men like your dick not working as a sign of you don't you're not real - yeah for sure oh yeah you feel like you're not a man anymore oh really yeah so I don't feel like I'm not a woman among my peers stop we be happy yeah but it's different if you pussies dried up and became useless like sealed up

like nothing you know like maybe you meet a man maybe you and your husband get divorced you met a man he's beautiful can't read so he's got good dick and you don't to put it in a flake salt just a mess down there oh yeah you know what sounds oh I'm Blackie grow real thick so it's always a mess down there I mean for some women it matters but I guess because I started really early I don't want to dig I want Health Care no dick you ain't gotta do that to me just take you on a trip I put four men though it's like a sign of weakness yeah it's a weakness that yeah yeah you don't feel like a man anymore but if you love that person I think you read it are you willing to deal with the softness hmm

yeah especially if you don't want any dick yeah if you want dick and his dick size print you put ice cream sticks around it oh like a brace someone a broken leg

fuck you you break your leg in the forest and have to fucking strap it to some Twigs what else would I was doing before Viagra came along don't know what they were doing did you get a mini freezer they would do all that's what that's why they kill rhinos you know Rhino horn they think Rhino horn get your dick hard really it doesn't do shit do you eat it they I guess they make a tea out of it oh really doesn't even work but guys have been taking Rhino horn forever to try to get their dick hard and so much so that it now that it's forbidden and it's expensive because it's forbidden it's like a sign of luxury like you're drinking Rhino horn T it's a big thing and apparently some Asian countries like up with like that only wealthy people could only have Dixon Asian they don't I mean I heard of small you hurt well I have a girlfriend yeah six Asian babies right but she don't have any scratch Mars well and I was just uh babies you know most women get stretch marks right but I don't think that has to do with dick but I'm saying agent means me

small babies so mmm I'm just assuming what would happen it's like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about the basketball player what's the the giant dude yeah yeah me yeah what about that guy if he has a normal-sized he got he to talk he ain't got no dick he's too tall I guarantee you he pissed on top of his pants

it so it's a way of a man Braun James is tall to he got a lot of dick I saw that Nick on TV today I bet oh my God when he went to go scratch I was like I'm not into young dick like that but that was nice and I've got a nice Nicki Minaj is ex-boyfriend Safari yeah he broke the internet with it he broke the in that was oh my God yeah it'll curve any joke you can fucking lipstick you can ask it could probably live a weight in this fucking weight room in here oh it was so big it couldn't fit on the iPhone it was only iPad action I was sitting it to everybody bitch look you blessed today you Blair oh my God and he made a little five minute video that thing was swinging like the American flag on top of a building it was nice that's a thing like you either have a big dick or you do not there's nothing you can do about it like there's operations at dudes get this somebody just died from that

a billionaire diamond seller a guy who is a thing it was in Europe somewhere in Europe some billionaire Diamond Trading data from a dick implant well they were doing the operation and when they put them under due to complications of anesthesia he died he was like 65 years old too I mean at when you're 65 wouldn't you think you're like suck my dick have I ever had this small thing all my life I'm a diamond dealer who's not going to turn this down probably have some young little floozies with and she's just such a few with dick was a little bit bigger maybe I'd be happy bitch you gonna be happy anyway your diamond dealer Maybe not maybe there's other Diamond dealers want to give her a bigger dick you know depends on how hot the girls you know some girls get a lot of offers I get no offers what's up Jamie we looked this up its that I remember it's thing they slide in there that piece of plastic oh that's right it's an implant it's like a mess they possess a website for it yeah and Numa wow look at

shit look they take like a look at that it's like a webbing yeah put the glasses on as that mean I'm a grown-ass woman large extra large and extra extra large who the fuck is going to go with large have large the fuck out of here you're gonna get put under and I'm gonna stick a rod new dick it's it apparent well let's play the video for you guys to see not the but new Mozilla yeah the people online are not gonna be able to see this but see the look at that that's a dick that's that's a regular deck now what they do is they do see if you have a dick like that Jesus Christ don't get it cut just deal with it just deal with it but some people there's never know you know like some people want wait kinds of crazy shit so they take this they like you they put A Slice Above the deck watch whoopsies hmm you like a C-section that's how they take babies out exactly the open that shit up like a change purse and then they slide this tube in a geek

Yin again and then they stretch that bitch out kapow so that's what that dude got well he didn't make it out of hospital and get it now he's dead now he's dead a big box of diamonds at home no you did what a big dick did they got to the big dick part so it makes you dig fatter and longer and the procedure takes approximately 45 minutes sexual activity can typically be resumed in four to six weeks patients are ambulatory the next day oh my God ambulatory and was this a return to routine daily activities in two to three days patients do not experience any issues with urination after the procedure possible risks complications Alternatives and benefits will be discussed by the surgeon prior to the procedure oh and you could fucking die wow yeah anytime you get put under I mean that's isn't that how Kanye's mom died didn't ya from plastic surgery I think she was getting a stomach Don I think a

that is just the oh my stomach done once I finish losing weight don't do it don't want my titties lifted you don't know my to is Joe getting put under his what I worry about well shit I mean I want my titty lifts it I understand it's hard when you got big titties and they all in your lap and shit when you bro come on do you want your wife to walk out the shower hunt it look like they've been in a drive-by I feel you I understand what you're saying yeah so I want a titty lifts that woman my stomach done I want you to stay alive mr. Palermo stay alive I love you I want you I love you too I'm gonna give me a Rejuvenation to don't do it don't do it don't get it tightened up I thought you said you don't even want anymore dick why hit the time out to panty liners like pimples oh my God but we'll Rejuvenation fix that I don't know but I got a leak that upon we can't fake Joan what's what's happening in there just call for the hook to I'm well

he's my friend oh that's all the reason I could tell about me pissing on myself that's all right I mean I don't want no I don't want no Kim Kardashian them nobody knows and I'm okay with my black nose only beautiful thank you so much he's pulling back but I would like Joe I would like to get my stomach done so I can see my vagina it's been a long time we've been disconnected for a long time have you ever gone on a diet yeah didn't like it there

hey wake up with energy lost a hundred pounds and it just stopped so I caught a not bears like it stopped he's like you got to go to the gym I'm like no you lost a hundred pounds just dieting no I will have weight loss surgery but two years ago I was real juicy those almost 400 pounds so you had the stomach stapled thing no I yeah my stomach could yeah it was it was it was easy as hell really yeah I allows I was almost ready at 4:00 wow it allows like so you lost a hundred pounds and then they told you go to the gym you like fuck you I'm just so busy I don't know there's no fucking excuse I mean watching the trainer that could be another podcast you complaining at the gym that shit would be hilarious yeah will be complaint that would be hilarious something crazy Mike is a fact because you live the pants is fat the kids are fat my son was four hundred and ten pounds joke and I ain't leaving this white neighborhood and they couldn't get no pussy and he literally

on a diet gel when I tell you this boy's 220 pounds and every night when we go to bed he go in the pantry throw away the junk and I said you got one more time to throw away my mother fucker he's like y'all can eat that he read everything he just go to the gym he was fat as fuck that's amazing pities his titties gone his stomach flat every day what does he do what kind of exercise I don't know I can call him his name Junebug Junebug yeah not his real name he's that's his nickname yeah Nick Knight so he's just a gym attic into the fucking gym it and he's beautiful he told he's like I'm going to make this whole family lose weight I said not today bitch so why are you complaining and talking shit or someone gets you to work out I'll be God damned hilarious Zumba we're going to do a podcast but he gonna try to kill me Joe but if you just listen to him and did it

a video I guarantee you that we get a shitload of use okay well me and Junebug do my week you're going to help my well actually I'm getting ready to move to LA for the pilot of my show you gonna move here I'm a movie or a little bit for how long well we gonna shoot the pilot so if the poly get picked up at Hulu so I'll be here doing this shoot and then I'm gonna go back home I can't take all these nice titties run around I'ma bring June bug out with me bring to train on start free to start filming video you ought to seemed like he had big titties like minds they're gone beautiful I love it you have stories like that and now he just did it I know it was he couldn't get laid well that'll be a motivator yeah and I asked him I said son because he told me said Mama because I mean I'm doing a little bit now I probably lost like 15 pounds since I've been dealing with Jimbo he say mama when you lose weight when you start to lose weight he just text me when he said do you come on your period what do you mean I'm your fucking mom he's like

room of these conversations are happening that's why are you asking me anything because when I help you lose weight your parent come back I said why fucking period is not going to come here it's not a doctor I don't know he just read out of someone Joe I lost like 12 pounds in my peer came as a billing there gaping he's like I know Mama you stopped up from all the facts that they can't work like this

London subway up Joe but my psychic came out what the fuck you do to beam up here kind that goes like Mom what the more I work with the mo you gonna flow so low he's right that's what's crazy yeah just reads a lot about fitness and health peas I'm telling you Joe how old is he he's 19 and what is he doing he works he works at Enterprise he is he should get together with you fuck Enterprise just you show together working out making YouTube videos it will be huge yeah especially if I can get out of like him he's like my mom Gonna Get You In Shape in my daughter is on a plus-size to he's like I'm whipping all y'all asses all because he just he just he just popped up and said I'm sick of being fat that's awesome he said he was sick of being fanned my baby if you go to my Instagram he's on the hill and he's even he's 220 now like Jumba stop he's like no wow I mean he got a chest joffe stomach flat he looks good

and I asked him I said son did you did get bigger because I remember being really small

is better Mommy you're fat your dick is smaller hell yeah go up in your stomach your name will become your dick when you real fat joke oh my God you should do that look I talked you into doing a podcast I'm going to talk you into doing this you have to okay Junebug I know you're going to see this mean bug please you and your mom at the gym it would be gigantic I'll help you I'll promote it I'll put it up on Twitter and Instagram please do this so he gonna kill me you know I gotta going to depend on we think it's you in Crazy shape if you get to like bikini shape seriously I ain't been like that since the third grade

I need a bikini shape I'm telling you Joe I'm not telling you could do that though he does that tell you don't know how happy I would be if I could just look straight down and see shit A lot of times the food that you crave is the food that you eat so if you eat food that's not healthy for it that's what you're craving all the time your stomach gets used to it the what they call your gut biome your stomach bacteria wants sugar bread and pasta as soon as you start eating healthy food your body starts craving healthy food your body start craving salads and lean meat and chicken and fish he started we don't drink water but I do now he makes me drink while he literally called me Mama cause I can do one later day I'm up to one liter that's enough what do you drink besides water I drink coffee in the morning and after that no more coffee I have to have one cup of coffees fine I do put sugar and cream and I got for crack baby I need something to calm my nerves so I told my son I can't give up

Alfred now so I drink coffee only in the morning and then I drink all day at work on our leader water and he literally go through the house and tell us what we can and can't eat which is I'll be want to punch him in the face but I am losing a few pounds with him like you know I got these I got the back Wing arms like Grandmama and he's like my mama get all of that off for you because he will hear fat arms to and big titties I mean he lost all of it then I'm so proud good you could do it too yeah because I was told not to look u19 your insurance or 26 they would give you weight-loss surgery he's like I don't want that I said Son go get the weight loss surgeon I get your titties taking off and your stomach to he's like Mom they don't sound like no manly thing because I had it all planned out I was gonna get his tummy tuck and his titties cut off any of them getting weight loss surgeon I'm a fat daughter she fat and I was I'm gonna get your tummy tuck I'm on me get your stomach cut and then I'm gonna buy you an ass because she have no ass so and then I told my husband he don't have no ass I was gonna

him IESA Jesus Christ but everybody else's my heart that you know people getting cancer from that asses yeah now when they take the fat from you know not only take the fat they're getting a lot of fat they're getting cancer from the implants what titties ass implants oh anal do now is in place is no issue but some people who get asked in Plants they're starting to get cancer I'll really lesson plans are only a few years old I you know what I don't understand I'm from the inner city of Atlanta when we was coming up Joe if you wanted titties and ass it had this thing called right and I did a podcast on I said we didn't people black people to know what plastic surgery was so the deal was you take that government butter and you rub it on your titties on your ass and they said it'll make it grow what yeah I'm not lying to you that's what we used to do back in the day what's up look at me yeah but look at look at me don't think it's from the butter ah everybody I know world but on there

you don't know that government but let's see it one minute left on the hot water jump they said to the ghetto to kill everybody no I gotta say these doors on one side of the tub and with my name was like just put the butter on your TV and your ass we put the ball on my mom away cause she said no you bitches ain't got my butt on y'all you know that shit gotta last me 28 more day she took the extension cord and she hit us in that motherfucker stuck in that bottle she gave us one of them wouldn't bullshit I scraped my shit off you bitches we're not scraping her bought all of us she put that shit back in the frigerator she beat the shit out of oh my God she scraped the butter off your tits and put it back in the fridge whoop all we can't waste all that good blow job oh my God that is hilarious she beat the shit out of us playing at her butter Magic Butter really did that all you have to do to get big tits and a big-ass just butter I've have to this is the fourth grade

that's when I did it like it's like you just have good genetics now Joe my mom and I have no titties yeah but sometimes it doesn't get your mom and it goes to you yeah I'm trying to sell this government but I don't do that educational shit yo don't break it all the way down for the lady let him try to butter before they try to poison okay so go out and get you some good old government butter than won't melt and just sit on it like a like a like a fucking bird trying to hatch eggs to sit on it yeah did rub it all over your booty and stuff that is have a seat on it like and hopefully it'll make your booties and titties grow it work for me but didn't work imagine that work there's a lot of questions on Yahoo people asking that does come on make your butt bigger and then I found the product on Amazon called but butter

yummy cream for smoother Fuller and firmer skin I don't know if that's what I had when I was coming up natural but enhancement cream for women and men plump booty enhancer lotion but firming and tightening cream sexy but was it ones so sexy butt lift or cream but in larger green this is horseshit there's most likely it's got four stars and ask a bunch of people that are assholes that work for the company they're reviewing it

364 customer reviews hold on click that I need to read this the good ones adding to my flat booty my family and my family I inherited flat but syndrome it's embarrassing it's embarrassing have you're butthurt because you have no padding when you sit and have no pants fall have your pants fall because there's nothing in the back to hold them up after week I def notice something extra in the back I'll keep using that's the people that you want to buy your butt cream because they're morons that's like people that give money to preachers that flying private jets yeah I think that's crazy that don't work but I'm telling government but the work Joe I'm telling you let's look at this who would have known a Works faster on your breasts that on your butt but it's work by no more this is not real it is real look at me I'm a four

hey look at you at the Cavs yelled at me okay see she does oh my God but listen these fucking the people that are writing these reviews not only does it works that's it works not only does it works it increase my breast size they probably should change the name to breasts and but enhancement butter I know it for the but I know it for the but so I figured let me see will it do anything for my breasts since it's in quotes all natural so I did so with within a week my breast was Fuller last time I seen them this size was right before it was time to breastfeed my baby is now nine years old so imagine what we was doing in the ghetto I'm telling you I think as butter I mean is it does work

it is black watch out many people who knows what I'm talking about from the South say Joe we did that and it worked I assume I grew titties and but we should have done unwanted he did it what just to see no Joe I wanted them to be E I know but there's only one way to find out if it actually works One Cheek 110 you bounce it out left cheek right to I'm gonna find that but butter and rub it on my crack baby one of her teachers and see if they grow and even just don't even know what you're doing just put it on one today okay I'm about to get her to do it I don't think I feel appropriate how old is she now she's nice too late no no she's no it for you can do it you have a five year I can test it out but she already got a big-ass booty oh yeah but I'm gonna get some of that to see if it work my husband will kill me she's I was just I don't know if it's true but I don't think it is it doesn't make sense but then again I'm not a scientist I'm telling you it's like that peanut butter that they used to send to the ghetto to choke Negroes out

I love you too what did they do that peanut butter that I used to send to the gut the government used to give black people peanut butter choke him out but he didn't want to talk about I think a peanut butter you had a heating the might you wanted Michael your heat it on the stove like you buddy cookers scrambled eggs for the thinning out so you can spread it on the sandwich really Gail did they find out later on if we're gonna kill those it was like a it was big as fuck it came in a can the government peanut butter googly do some dude on Instagram who was in school some kid in school and they were there they you know they feed him cheese sandwiches for lunch and he was lighting the cheese sandwich he was like look at this cheese look at the shit and he's lighting he's got a lighter to it would not melt it was just turning black I was just getting black and the smoke from the lighter it was not melting it wasn't the fuck kind of cheese is this yeah and what the real cheese

there's this part of America that the government ignores right yeah me yeah yeah you got through I got through you made it through the net yeah but didn't they only come to you when they when they need your vote they only come to the like black Pastor they like black pastors you know that's why I don't go to church I tell them all the time I taught at Churches Chicken you get more for your money Church's Chicken yeah yeah $2.00 Tuesday get you to these chicken in a Biscuit Aleta Popeyes alone on tools and go to churches yeah but do they have the spicy it's Jerry got bison yeah yeah that's the thing that pop not I'm not Givin no Pastor my money good for you and riding out there I mean if they the Bob is free then ever Hotel just did about a hotel like everybody else used to I'm not gonna give you my money then you are hereby bind Jets and shit and I'm struggling then you fucking assholes in church any sharing the holes in church no more

fucking I wasn't sure how daddy beats the fuck you I don't know I don't go to church rules go to church with no underwear on in the pasture no oh fuck the first lady they don't care about the first thing no more baling hay goes where no underwear in church to lower the pastor yeah really you ain't a must-have passes is sexy as fuck remember back in the day when you might not remember cause you're white but back in the day back in the day to pasture were ugly all the possible ugly like TD Jakes they was unfuckable but now they all sexy many all sexy me everybody want fucked up a signal that's what they said they make when they made Catholic cheat preachers become celibate one of the reasons why the men become celibate because the Catholic preachers were banging all the ladies the really yeah they were like rock stars because they were the ones who had the word of God and this is before anyone could read the Bible because it was all in Latin so they did not read Latin so they relied on these priests read it look at Joel Olsteen yes he's

lockable oh yeah I would imagine so kit yeah you think you got some uh give him some this and not in Jesus name either No One's Gonna fix it Joel Osteen shit only do white men wow I would do Joe Austin in the Pulpit do you think you got some he got a wife yeah but other than her hell yeah he gets one is a bitch not a fucking with me and I let him look at him look at him he killed and he aged at all look at that for here to help he's sexy he woke up yes 50 I bet he does have a six-pack right yeah hey and problems and his wife and upper right hand corner go back 56 looks good

it is for white men is that his wife she's hot yeah she hasn't planned for Thursday let's say it's his wife kapow yeah he could lat take that Jewel Joy is good luck not a goddamn Arena yeah church has got a date they are the new drug dealer they're the new pimps lemon pimps and hoes and they go on the corner slap they hold and get they money yep what the church like that now that's all it is he does it in Vegas at the same Arena where the UFC plays

I thought he was in Dallas it goes all over the place it goes on the road sometimes oh yeah he's in Houston or Dallas somewhere in Texas Houston so does that but he also does like giant Arenas on the road like he does he does the T Mobile Center where the UFC place look at that she has that place now you can keep that how many of those pitches in the audience have no underwear on Probert 60% great

Elation yes they try to hey that's how you have a baby by man like Joe on steep a child spoke on time yeah but imagine if you're the type of person that wants that much money right you want that much money you want private jets to on big houses you're gonna want some extra pussy hell yeah he'll get tired of paying the same plastic face white woman she looked good yeah listen you're tired of what he wants somebody like me with the TT that move on the inside move on the inside yeah you know I got the real titty so much It Go all over the place oh and hers her yeah they just firmly just one position up straight that's weird that people like that they like them Harden yeah I got them teach you how to pick up and dust off slap me around no does because everything I need in my bra oh God I like have gross you out

sometimes just the other podcast we've done with I'd stop in the middle of the day and go the fuck I think about me yes some of the shit that well mostly about the tragedies mostly about your childhood it's funny now Joey just that I took out you know I I say on stage I said when you when you when you can laugh at what you've been through then you got control of it it's only reason why I can laugh about being shot and I even my husband hate this bit I do I do a bit about my first kid's father you know giving me crabs gonorrhea in fleas

however he beautiful he's a game ball with no toy fucking fleas I mean people get crabs I get it but when someone gives you fleas like what the fuck but back in those days the health department will come and pick you up and say Hey you pussy on fire we need to put it out they pick you up at ease to pick you up at home run gave somebody else crap gonna release the report everybody he was missing with and I was always on the list Jesus come on so how can you tell people that I think it's funny that they used to come get me and me and the health department man had a relationship now we weren't sleeping together he just say pussy was on the list again but I was young you know who's good

it was simple shit gonorrhea shouting yeas and I remember they came one time Joe and they knocked on the door and I said oh my God you here I thought you were gonna let me burn it up he's like you put something this I'm here to put it out so my head he's not even saying what he actually money you pussies on the list pretty much it he was call it your pussy he was saying he's saying he puts it be reported on my kid's father was there I was like let's go together and get carries on I don't want to go somebody might see me so this is what he told me say look it was gonna rain when you have gone already to get a shot you take pills for seven days so he said look going to the health department but don't get the shot get the pill so we can split them so I'm so stupid I come back and split the same day pills when we still both got half an hour oh my God take the medication all the way so oh my God

walking what are you tell people this shit and everybody always think he gave me gonorrhea and got me and beat me like can you please anything but I didn't do this shit to you how does he deal with you having this act like when you go on stage and talk about all this shit how does he handle it does he cover his ears he he never he only see me once what he won't come see me Joe come on he wouldn't he came to see me weak at William accident when I was opening for Kat Williams and but that's the only time but he he's got to know oh you know funny as fuk look how does he not want to see that you don't want to see a Joe welcome to come to The Comedy Store tonight because you gonna be there for the 10:30 show hell yeah I'm glad he's in he's in Indianapolis you'll watch your fucking podcast and tell my daughter oh she was so fucking fun but he's not gonna directly to say to me you were so fucking funny but he's my biggest cheerleader I mean support I mean you know I've been doing it 17 years you know how many times I had to Max that man credit card out to go and do a guest spot so you know what he would not come see me like look I live with you

here you see every day but he gives me back like he's funny to me like I told you say not today I want to present today yeah not at all he say something funny as shit but he's he you know he can't lose only see you do comedy once the one time out of 17 years a good one though the open for Katt Williams are you still in touch with cat no but I love cat can't nobody tell me shit about can't wait for my daddy died man well my daddy died and I was I just got a job with Katt Williams he walked in and he's like what are you doing I said my daddy died like two days before he called me on a tour and I said we trying to I'm just trying to get this money together raising cat wouldn't go to the bank come out with a stack of money he gave me like 4 grand to Bear my dad and I was like you don't have to do this and I was like I work for he's like look no go bury our dead because before he did that I'm about to put my fucking dad in a potato sack and stick them in the ground because we have no money and I try to do fish frying the black community in a white neighborhood they don't know nothing about no fucking fish fry don't know

Tuesday and can't wouldn't gave me the money to bury him that's hot yes okay nobody tells me shit about can't we he's crazy but he's funny as fuck he's one of my favorites off time he tell the fucking truth to if you go to go back to like the Pimp Chronicles is your Prime that is those are some of the best specials ever yes he's a funny motherfucker and he's so original so original like that is him you know what I mean like his delivery has style everything I loved him can't nobody tell me shit about no I can't wait I can't wait and I was able to finish my basement after that tour he gave me some not gave me but he gave some great advice once about comedy one of the things he says don't eat before you go on stage and I was like yeah why would you you don't eat before a fight why'd you eat before you go on stage why is it causes your body to your body when you eat has to break down that food so it's using up energy like some of the energy that you would have to do stand-up is now breaking down that food in your body that's why

about to fall asleep on stage yes yes shit I gotta stop eating just don't eat right before you go on stage just eat afterwards okay yeah I mean I'll listen to him and I was like that makes so much sense and also he has a playlist of music that he plays right before he goes on stage like sets it up like he's like put some in the mood to go on stage yeah do that too I do that I do that too I like a lot of

I want to see Outcast but that ain't what I'm going for who the fuck can wrap all this Kali beat oh that little nasty thing that's what I would be if I had a body like that oh my God girl got a tongue that a dragon flow she might as you that person in my head and I want to be I listen to a lot of Carly be I like her maybe you can get that body ah maybe so maybe June bug okay you in that gym get on that elliptical machine come on doombot we're gonna need you to help your mom out and stop your mom from peeing on herself just just change up the diet I'm working I swear to thank you see meeting your son I'm gonna look like you if you go too hard I tell you a different doctor I'm lying but if you if you did that I'm telling you if you did a video with your son and your son getting you to the gym and did that

Leon on YouTube Junebug Miss Pat just do that the hell she would be hilarious if it's so funny because I cause you know I got my keys out what especially when they're making you do shit you don't want to do yeah working out like doing situps and shit and squats and I'll spread my legs why did I ain't never been used that way since the 80s my butthole exactly yeah do my we doing it do it do it definitely do it so you let you bring like I bring like one of those MP3 know my Bluetooth speaker things with me you know I have like one of those JPL extremes bring that with me and I put in the green room playing music now usually listen to music on my you tonight before performing ya know I listen to music yeah but you get yourself in the mood do you have a drink before you go on stage I don't drink alcohol at all no nothing what about weed I don't do any way you'll know drunk nothing I grew up in

as I said I just don't I mean I hate it alcohol does nothing for me it makes me sleepy and my mom was an alcoholic and I used to always say I'm gonna be nothing like this bitch and so so mission accomplished yeah so I don't I don't do it my whole family drink and I just don't do it yeah I don't I don't smoke weed I don't you know I was just telling them earlier like Junebug tried to smoke weed one time and it with his white friends but they were so stupid Joe didn't know how to roll the weed so they got that they got the copy of paper off the machine and roll the weed in there so God yeah and Tommy leading it is burnt and out of wheat fell in his chest and I beat the dog shit out of June bug and I told him I don't buy grocery for you to create an appetite you already fucking fat oh my God and I just tell my kids when I was young I say look I told my son I kill I said look I get food stamps and I don't get enough food stamp for your weed habit so we not going to do drug

we're not going to join gangs we're not going to do drugs it's awesome motherfucker so we're not gonna do it so but June bug is only kid I ever had that really try to dab into weed that's a weird way to do it though copy paper well then it's terrible for you they will go to the ghetto and by the weed out of the other where I live it they would go over to the ghetto sounds like jumik how much you know how much weed You by 1.5 grams what the hell is that I don't know and I called the police on him what are you I did I call the police on the shake him up right and I you know how the police yeah but I said hey we black so leave your guns in the car so come over here and shake my son up the police get over there the police and Junebug son go to school together this motherfucker come on and start crying we love you June but I thought I'd call you over the fucking cry no no I was crying so that didn't help but eventually I think he's gonna stop smoking now he's gonna stop or start I think he stopped after I ran off all his friends I told her I said look

hope your white sign just lost his only black friend I'm gonna fuck your white baby I'll bring them back over here with the weed and do more like everybody at my school say you'll sneeze that's a fucking my whip Them White Boys ass because I called I called out I caught a pair of that's ideal for smoking weed it looked at some little white girl pussy on the phone wants to do what you bless you not understanding it but his white pussy floating on the phones oh like a girl from the school yeah you get in trouble for that so I put the I put the Chromecast the picture and I caught a parasite who white baby pussies the oh my God you put it on the TV I put on that was pissed off at me look at these bitches away from June bugs you're welcome to grade it look dick is real real small right trying to kill my baby trying to get my baby locked up is white pussy dude you don't fuck a white pussy ain't got no dick you ain't got no sense oh my God so so you had the parents come over and yeah ditto

tell them to see what the fuck did they say I can't believe you did this what the fuck you mean it was on a phone yes I'm looking at it closely they stormed about it it fixed they wouldn't speak to me and no no football I don't need no friends oh my God that's why don't you ever in your life violate no good she gave to one of the football player he just passed it around every worse yeah and I saw lots of June bug think about do what you're supposed to carry on he's like Mama get around and get naked if they did come nobody see nothing oh Jesus yeah that is the stuff I went through what he's the only one that ever really tried me because my other kids you know I tell like I tell my crack baby I say look I'm going to take you out in public but you gotta option do you want to get oh Mom or do you want the soccer mom and they don't like to get oh Mom because it get on my more knock the shit out of him and public and I give my option and we get in public why people always coming to me like oh my God your kids are so well disciplined

that almost no fuck him up what do they say when you say they just look like what I said you should fuck your keys up to tell him I said that's it I will fuck you up don't play with me I Feit you when we was coming back from the Disney cruise they was all playing with those are things that separate you know when you had line so I told him like three full-time stop isn't the my grandbaby and it was the full crack baby so they wouldn't stop Joe I slept all of them at the same time pepper what the fuck are you looking at me for you want some too I asked him to stop by full-time don't play with me you know my nerves bad I've been shot a couple time y'all my fucking know I'm crazy and I just tell them that they good kids the good kids now oh they know I fuck him up I have a lot of bits of bottom because like the just like I do this bit about I used to do this bit about the teacher school calling me all the time white schools call you for anything and anything Joe I mean just dumb shit black school we told him look bitch that's your child at 2:30

you wake me up so one of the big one of these are used are they call me by my knees Yolanda because she was sitting at the crayon table hello white friends and they're talking about their daddies so Yolanda said what a next time I see my dad I'm gonna stab him in the neck and all the white kids started crying and they asked me to come up there an emergency to come up there to talk to them I get up there I'm like ma'am she can't stab out that in the neck then they can jail somebody else gonna stab him in the knee don't wake me up before the don't wake me up for this bullshit so they don't know how to handle anything and I had to set the school down I said look these kids are from the hood they only talk and do what they know you got to give me time to help them grow but then they wanted to put him on medication I said what we will Nation yeah because I didn't know how to deal with that there's so so much like a mom was into Hornet that it wasn't drugs that they will be no no Mom and they didn't know how to handle him and I said look we're going to help them grow together that's what we not gonna do we're not going to put these kids on medication what we gonna do is surround them with love they so good

now out of five years is maybe just now passing the ISTEP test it took a minute to get there but he's finally there what's up the I said those pump those standardized test they give kids the kids just wasn't ready right and you know I threw him in his neighborhood through an environment that they wasn't used to it and you know they talk their language you see how country I am what a talk Straight Street so cuz sometimes I what the fuck are y'all talking about We Bout It Bout another fuck you and you better set up by bus you cross your head without a body yeah they ready to rumble they ready to fight the LaBarbera I'm about about I said put your fucking finger now if I break it but I had to retrain him because what he saw in the hood it wasn't going at my nice little white school right no well they're adapting what a good now they're getting but imagine all the kids that don't and you can imagine because it was you but all the kids who don't have someone like you well my niece is are 20 years old 21 she six kids and she in jail for 20 years for knocking on people doing robbing them

so her keys is in a situation so just imagine all the kids I think about it all the time especially when it's my family member but yo I had to realize this I can't save the world you can't save everybody it's impossible I try to save one at a time and that's all I can do that's all you can do yeah that is all you can do I can't say the world I mean I can't live if I keep trying to save the world no well you won't be able to do what you're doing is helping people to one of the things is you're doing it's helping people's you making people laugh yeah and that that helps a lot yeah I do people fucking need that they needed so many so many people right now with their headphones on in their cubicle laughing her ass off right now I hope so fuck yeah they need it don't listen to the pat-down for sure they're going to subscribe guarantee you I hope so hundred percent let me you know I was did a show last night at the Virgin here in LA and a man came in to meet the mail my dog died today and I've been crying all day but I want to tell you how much you

help me fucking relieved I so I'm sorry about your dog did you burn them up

he actually started laughing whoo you know after they die you got a barn about cremated cremated him yeah like some that we actually started laughs but I mean I get that all the time and you know laughter is what healed me when I was able when I was able to write my book and you know started doing comedy especially like it was one story now about my mom a boyfriend who molest me and I never told that story over 30 something Year my husband didn't know only person knows me and my sister cause he's always happen to us at the same time with him and I never told that story and I remember when I was writing my book the lady who co-wrote my book she was like you got to tell the story and I said well I got to ask my sister and I get my sister on the phone Joe and I was like May pop that was on that's a name I said you ready to tell what mr. John did too and we both just boohoo and I we cheat we told some of the store we got off the phone and it took for me to tell

story took almost a week me and the writer cries so much because I had I had all of that built up in me but I'm so happy I was able to tell that story now because that was the only story I had never told public about how my momma boyfriend did me and my sister from the age of probably 6482 I was 11 years old cause I started my kid's father was 21 and I was 12 and I made him so I started having sex at 12 so when he started touching me like when I got a boyfriend my mama my mama boyfriend left us alone once you got a boyfriend yeah once I got a boyfriend Jesus Christ so that was the only story I had never told but when I told I felt like I lost 20 probably a hundred pound I felt like it but it didn't go anywhere but I just felt a relief yeah so I know laughter I just know laughter does a lot for me so I know it does the same for other people goddamn you had a crazy fucking and I laugh at every inch of it too well it's that's the

only way you can mean what you've done is you've done the ultimate take a negative and turn into a positive I try I try really hard but you mean you really high because your your sense of humor is so fucked up but it's because of your life that it's so funny I mean that's why it works if you had a cushy life and you were saying the shit that you saying it wouldn't be funny so it wouldn't be no and that's one of the things with my husband like when I was share with like my kid's father shot me and beat me you know most of your listeners kind of know who I am they know my background and one of the things when I started sharing my life my husband had that protective mode he didn't want me to you know he knew how negative the world could be when I started to share these stories so I can see what he wanted to step in and protect me right you know when people judge me and you know like I dropped out of school in eighth grade when my husband went to the military went on offer he had a mom and daddy are way better life than me so he would always be there to like be that protector like was or they think I'm stupid

but I think I'm nice and and I just I just he helped me grow a backbone to say fuck what people think about you because it was so much screwed up stuff in my he liked one of the thing my mama taught me about why people like I didn't kill white people let me let's be honest I'm from the hood there was a poll he's on the fucking all the caseworker my mama told me she said white people are better than you never look them in the eye and of the fucking devil so my whole life Joe Rogan I was scared of white people and when I when I wrote the book and I told the lady this when I was see why people out immediately look down well that's what the slaves used to do and that's what the book lady told me and I was like I can't look him in the eye and then she's like why and I told her the story I told my husband stories he's a pet he said we're all the same your fucking mom is stupid I used to feel a bit I said the only thing between me and you white woman is my titties is bigger than yours but I was in I was in my late

when he's when I learned it because you like I when I moved to Indianapolis I couldn't talk to you I fucking my words will stump and I would immediately say I'm stupid and I would look away and when I started doing coming in Indianapolis in my fan base turn white and I was like why the fuck y'all like me get away from me the shit out of you I say that to myself and my husband sent me down I was like pet we all the same your fucking mom is stupid I'm like we are and I was in my late 20s I had never ever dealt with white people like I dealt with when I moved into that community and I'm glad because it taught me a lot as a young girl out of it out of the inner city of Atlanta that we all the same the problem with the problem with these countries we don't fucking talk yeah we know communication well there's that and then there's that these communities stay the way they are like whether it's Baltimore where they had it set up or black people literally weren't allowed to buy homes outside of certain areas or any inner city like you know inner city in Houston or New York

or anywhere where the neighborhood stay the same yeah they stay the same for every generation to generation yeah crime poverty all the drugs everything stays the same and a duck you know so my kids and I might my kids are fucking they blessings they don't realize how blessed they are and sometimes I get so pissed off at them like they go to this really nice high school where I live in Indiana and they get a little laptops and you know they get new books every fucking Year Joe when I went to school it was so many niggas name rolling that same book what it had done checked it out every year you had to flip a page and you just see where my own Tyrone's I got out three pages of kids who had that book before you and it pisses me off because you know I look at it I was like what this is the old curriculum where you know these kids my kids are getting the new curriculum every year and it's still like that in certain parts of America and it pisses me off of like yeah you guys don't realize how bless you you come in through a fucking this fucking thousand

pay it on the float at this school and gave you take shift Grant like my daughter will literally hold up the school bus because she wanted to walk slow because she was fat so the lady called me was like Miss Pat every day I gotta wait on gear Rihanna to get on the bus and I've asked her several time to be at the bus stop when I get there and I said ma'am leave that bitch leave them you leave that motherfucker she'll get down time but you know you did they pamper them in my neighborhood I said don't you dare pamper my black key lead at because I Leave You Ain't Got You Ain't in the car when I get in the car bitch bye bye my kids know you better get in the car for Mama cause she Lea I fuck you in school I mean my daughter would come and house one time inside I need you to take me to Starbucks I'm like why cool kids come to school Starbucks I said bitch you better go to school you better I said it's night that's you crazy if you think I'm gonna get up at 6 o'clock in the morning take you to Starbucks you better take your fat as a Starbucks at night and get you a cup and put you some hot chocolate in the morning

I'm not going I'm not going up at no 6 o'clock to make you cool but they do that right cups of status thing yes a standard thing come bring me my lunch I left my lunch I tell my kids have you leave some you didn't fucking want it because I'm in the bed with no wig and no brought in yesterday pussy I'm not giving up yesterday's pussy yeah well how's that work cause I was I went to bed last night and he watched it before they call me oh so it's yesterday is yesterday pussy so I'm not getting up you crazy as hell I'm not nobody nobody gave me nothing they understand that no one gave you any thing like hell yeah they get it they get it yeah they get it but they like nobody want to hear y'all your poor story's true not listen that's not true look there's my man came on here thank you my cable got cut off one day right so I go in the house and my cable cut off and I tell my husband I was like did you pay the fucking KB 8 miles oh my god I've got to pay the cape go turn the cable before the kids get on like fuck these Keys you know how many time I had to look at a photo that even thought it was

one I'm not dumb not going I'm going to bed fuck the kids I don't care about the kids but he broke his neck to pay the cable bill because he don't want the kids to ever know it is like that not have like gas on the fuck tt-they fat they can miss a couple meal Joe I didn't cut that cable back on but he broke his neck he did he came home and caught it all I don't go out the way for you I love you but I tell you I don't love you like Jesus do he love you Uncle - I was stabbed the shit out of you I'll all my kids money you gotta pay me back my daughter called me she said can I borrow three thousand all I said bitch you got the wrong number 3000 yeah tomorrow I'll call I'm gonna do that shit I got my card yo Mike are paid off I drive a little oh last crew that McCracken with McCracken he's left I bought for her that's what I drive every day my ship paid off I'm not buying you know car well bitch I use on my phone bill for three years you never paid the phone bill so how you gonna pay me back $3,000

she said that I call you back I stopped by this is my money I wrote off of this money I know you were there when I was selling crack and forth and check but you had Joys and nice shit I don't know that your life is hard but if you have livid over again what I mean it made you who you are the name is that will change something yeah that's how I was going to ask you but it's fucked up thing to ask someone when they tell you their molested but your mom's boyfriend and that you know you had a baby with this guy when you were 14 and he's married another one and by the time you're 16 you're pregnant with a third ya know whatever they are right selling crack and shot in the tit no one would ever ask you to live that life again but you wouldn't change it I don't know Joe I mean it made me who I am I always I look at life like this

take out you know everybody couldn't have dealt with the stuff that I dealt with it like I dealt with it like some people commit suicide comforting people always depressed you know I kind of feel like I was a chosen one God take you through something so it can you know to make other people see maybe I was put maybe I took burden that everybody else was going through in life and now I was a chosen one then I bring it out and make it funny so I'm here to make people let people know it's okay yeah it's okay it's not about how you start is about how you finish right I don't dwell on shit I don't have control over I can't change the past but let's laugh today and I tell people every night on stage when you can laugh about it you got control of it that's a powerful thing to be able to look at your life like that and just take ownership yeah you don't like my first kid's father he hates me he fucking hates me you know why cause I'm not that little girl rabbit anymore that he had control of that he beat and it you know I

look girl searching for love in his whole situation I learned to love myself Joe D sound touch with him yeah I talk to him he because of me out he's not in jail yeah that's what I be telling how much dough is child molester I'm not a child molester I remember when I needed closure and I was I was out here in LA and I'm starting to tell these stories about my life and I just want him to apologize if you know you shot me in the back of the head fucking beat me so I want him to apologize if I was like why do you need him to apologize I just want to hear I just want to take rabbit I'm sorry so I called him up and I said there we started talk oh shit I said his name oh are you going so I call him and apologize and I said I said how can you fuck a 12 yo and you groaning you mayor you know what he said he said your mind and body wasn't 12 and then

he kicked me in my fucking chest like a horse and I boohoo and that day Joe I decided I was no longer going to ask him to ask for me to you know to ask me to forgive him I decided to forgive him I forgave my mama I forgave my mama boyfriend and everybody else that stepped on me and I said no longer I'm am ever gonna want to come don't come I know I say from that day on I'm never gonna ask y'all for forget I'm never gonna ask you again I'm I decided to forgive you and I that day I forgave him my mom and her boyfriend and everybody else that ever violated me because it was so many other people that I don't still don't talk about but I forgave him that's a very powerful thing and I'm happy a very powerful thing if you can forgive people who've done terrible things to you and you haven't done shit to them yeah the people that want them to apologize the chase them down they change it back the you're eating yourself up in yourself and I was eating myself because I just wanted him to say I'm sorry

rabbit and he never said once he told you that when you were 12 your mind your body weren't young you got to realize you're talking to a fucking idiot idiot and I call my husband and I was crying he's like Pat why you keep as I just want him to ask me to I just wanted to say he's sorry that's all I want him to say and he's like Paraguay and I remember hanging up the phone and I got on my knees and I rarely get on my knees job and I got vertigo so I don't get a piece of shit you know what I'm talking about so I just ask for forgiveness I mean I forgave him that day I forgave him and my mama because of him my mom and her boyfriend John is a three of the people that I hated the most because she didn't protect me and when we once tried to tell her that her boyfriend was doing it to us you know he wouldn't listen she wouldn't listen because this man was providing it was only time in my life that we didn't get evicted because he was touching me and my systems always say well if you tell your mama y'all gonna get put out y'all ain't gonna have no food so we always thought we

I was happy we always thought we was happened so you know what I forgave them I mean you know they was day was already dead but he's still alive he's still my kid's father still alive you want to know something crazy and I never told anybody this so people are like why you don't go to your mama gravesite you know a lot of people I don't like fucking with the dead I figure they want a rest leave me the fuck alone they don't wanna hear about it love these didn't Lively shit I don't go to her grave y'all because that motherfucker put himself next to her

he buried himself next to my mama so I said Fuck both of you I'm not going up there he's laying right next to her wow last time I was there before he died I was there cleaning off some ants on top of a grade and you know I'm young I'm probably she died when I was 16 probably 16 17 I go out there with a gas can pour it on top of light on fire to get the ant bed I'm on sent home

let's take care of the ants you pour gas on a fire Jesus fucking Christ oh my God I haven't been back Joe I've been back I don't need to go back I won't go back he's next door so he wanted that control so he got it fuck I'm never going back it's goddamn is pad every every time I talk to you I think I've heard it all oh shit Joe we needed give me some some aligarh wind I can tell you a hundred another fucking story but one Olive Garden they're gonna go yes I love that shit I drink a glass there and I tell you a million fucking so funny I was telling a story I just started writing a bit about how my momma used was a crap-shooter and before she shoot the dice she would light up or five kids and she would rub them on all vagina up on Artie that was good look for her

why should rub the dice on your vagina and you're kidding probably die so your pussy for good luck you called me you probably hit fuck oh my God what the fuck

I don't want to tell the whole story because I just wrote a bit about it so y'all wake up it's a fucking bitch is fucking hilarious if you're not gonna do it tonight now I'm not gonna do a nice not all the way down but mine but when I got my friends like pet you got to be like I said I called my brother I said Bo that's my older brother biracial right we say that my mom say we gotta say that but his mother got good health so we know we know that's didn't know Jerry curly so I said boom do you remember what Mama used to shoot dice she said yeah she's real my motherfucking nuts off you know some shit when black people goal I wound up for crazy oh my God I can't breathe

well oh my God I'm crying I can't breathe holy shit goddamn is Pat and in all honesty lad I love to laugh I fucking love it I know you do you make people laugh you want to funniest people I've ever met wow thank you Joe it's a fact fuck what a life you had goddamn it I've been so hard to listen to as a person who has kids you know it's so hard to think about you being a little girl having to go through that and you know it use of people say oh I'll pet you should get counseling but honestly comedy has been my counseling because it is a form of counseling for sure I was able to share with shit that I had I was angry about I'm no longer angry making people laugh I'ma make you look I'm fucking crying I'm literally crying yeah

and you know then you meet so many people who kind of have a story like you people zombies pet you telling my story thank you so much out of black ladies hit me one time she's like I had my baby at 13 how can you talk about that I said cause bitch I'm happy and my child didn't have the life that I had you so I'm happy you know what I only thing I ask for my keys I said I ask you College thing for everybody so I'm not going to force College on you but what you do owe me is a high school diploma and you do owe me to prom because I didn't have an opportunity to do none of that shit so all of them go to the problem went to the prom I picked that outfit and every one of them graduated from high school you know out my daughter was the first one in three generations graduated high school in the first one over go to college then she didn't finish but hey - my my youngest daughter just finished criminal justice you have associates degree and you know every time they do it they'll I'm going to the prom for you they graduated high school they gave me their high school diploma my daughter like well I just

College you'll heal your degree I like bitch you cool Lobby Claudia whatever the fuck it is you know it's a straight A's yes cum laude yeah that's what she wants I mean she didn't she didn't go to her graduation she she she she didn't want to go to graduation so she booked it she had two options so she booked it on a day I was out of town but she grabs she's my first child of graduated college and I look back here I am with an eighth grade education on his GED and I was able to keep my kids from going down the road that I went down and you know most most most kids try to make their parents proud I try to make my kids proud to let them know it's not about how you start this about how you finish you know I had to I had to admit to my oldest daughter and I sell drugs in front of school and I in you know I had to wake her on time and I said I want to apologize for being such a horrible mom in the beginning but I was

can 14 you know she was in housing what ahead shoot out of that she saw me sell drugs in front of her school I said I made a lot of fucking mistakes but I'm sorry because I did what everybody else was doing in my community trying to survive and that was one of the hardest thing as a parent because a lot of parents hot you know their past with a kid but I literally went to my daughter and I you know because she hated me Joe she fucking hated me she's like why do you have to sell drugs in front of my school was because I was here first bitch but you know I think you know we have we have a relationship now you know and then I went off to jail and I mr. going to kindergarten and then I grew up in a community where if he was gay something was wrong with you know my daughter she's gay as fuck you eat everything in Atlanta she packed man with the blue

I had to deal with that too because she ran out for a while when she when she wouldn't you know when I didn't want to tell me she was gay because I mean I had this thing where if you were gay with some roach I fucking hated gay women and I said I used to say this on stage when I say white men when you when you when you hate niggers as a good chance your white daughter going to come home with a big dick nigga over your foot my daughter came home and she was gay and it opened my fucking world to the gated community and now like I don't know my daughter came out of some others like you must be a shame that your daughter's guess um bit your daughter's a whole so your daughter will take way more dicks in my daughter do okay I love my daughter I love all of my kids and in and I told Ashley that's her name I said it's not about I had to learn it's not about your sexuality do what make you happy and I will support you too

in as long as you happy because you saw your dad stopped my face is shoot me and mistreat me so if it were to do what makes you happy just don't do drugs bitch but do what makes you happy what what made you not like gay women before that because I was raised in the black community if you was gay you know we had the biggest motherfucking black people who would throw up a gay child I'll tell you something wrong which we talked to hate you know especially that old school black community that's why so you know people you know why is that I don't know Joe that's just how we was raised the black church Drilling in your head you know if you gay you're going to hell and you know your mom so what happens with gay people in the black community a lot of them leave and never come back back in the day a lot of them wait till you know they fucking mental problems I don't know like I didn't I don't remember gay Uncle anybody so but you know I know we had the black community you have to hide you had to hide back in those days so

I was taught if he was gay it would you was it was something wrong with you and when my daughter came out to be gay it opened my fucking world up and I was like do I judge my daughter over sexuality or do I love my child because it's my fucking child and I remember not seeing her for three years she just running shit dropped out of college just go from state to state them they're homeless a lot on be homeless and I said look Ashley I said are you gay I just want to hear it for myself she was like yes ma'am that's what come on home you can eat pussy in Atlanta is cheap

and my child came home and we built the relationship and I asked you know I was wrong out because she heard how I talked about gay people and how it's almost like when you hear you're poor if you if you want to hear your pants I was nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga then you want to know why you told my nigga you get curious and you go outside him like that it ain't what you think it is so when she came out and you know she when she came out he opened my world and I'm happy I'm happy for my baby not tell anybody my daughter will eat the shit out you she would kick you down what grandma but she happy Joe and that's what is all about you know you can ask this all gawking at all I ask is that she get a bitch to treat her right that she's a hole right now but you know new girl every six my what is new girl she got she been sticking with her for a long while I like the last girlfriend we saw a Bigfoot but she got rid of big foot wide Swatch color Bigfoot if she was a boy she to play professional basketball big old feet you big old bitch

that big bitch bron James but I like to rely on new girlfriend she growing on me so but it's all about being happy is all about being happy you you've you've done an amazing thing with your life thank you you took terrible beginning and turned it into an amazing present you know you're one of the funniest people I swear to God you want the funniest people I've ever met you're like a big-time professional comedian people love you I mean I think what you've done is amazing the to come where you started from and to be who you are now it's amazing thank you I mean and I tell people all the time I'm a convicted felon and she does I can do either you laughs I'll rub you tonight but you're great at it you know it's it's not just that you had a hard life you had a hard life and you worked hard to become a great comic well I had a hard life and I wanted to say my key is in the beginning

I just didn't want my kids to go through what I went through so that was the biggest files like y'all ain't sticking your thumbs in my baby asshole that I'm sorry y'all are gonna do that to my children are you not going to jail you're not gonna drop out you know I just I just wanted my kids to have shit that I never had which was a life you know any my name you know one thing my book is about I was searching for something I wanted a family I never had a family I never felt love like I failed today you know I got a family I go home to her husband to see me two times a week but he still fucking love me even though he say not at all he's being funny yeah been funny but I know I'm Lovejoy yeah I know I'm not never had that as a child I knew it when my I plan vacationing lat all we gotta do the fuck are we gotta do this do you know you want to know what it is to be without a family fucking my mom we go on which we won't it won't we don't want to hear these horror stories like that Disney crew they was all pissed off but they had a fucking

all it was twenty two of us and we was there as a family and that's all I don't care to go when I go take him to the lake of take them out on care to participate I just want to know I just look at them and say oh my God I got what I fought for my whole fucking life a family to be loved and I'm love Joe that's beautiful then that's all I ever wanted that's beautiful give a fuck about a fancy call I care about a nice wigs but the listen you and June bug you're gonna start this YouTube series I promise to work out together and then the pat-down is available on iTunes available everywhere your book is still out there is doing really well yeah it's called rabbit rabbit right nominated for NAACP image award and we're working tonight tonight store thank you thank you goddamn it was funny

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