80- How To Keep Them Interested During Quarantine

Apr 8, 2020

Kesha...The End .

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we're gonna let you guys interpret that however you want moving on moving on we are in a really deep dark mental state unwell unwell it's Alex and Sophia back added right for the second time actually today it's call her dad call her daddy I think it was last week or two weeks ago we uploaded our episode and the sound quality was complete shit so we had to throw

in the garbage and rerecord it this week we went to upload our episode I felt really really good about it only to see that the file said zero bytes BYT es what does that mean I don't fucking know guys wait wait recording literally for the second time today and it is so like I can explain know the pain when I took out the SD card

and I put it into my little editor I went to start editing this audio and I said wow my audio is there but Sophie has somehow Sophia's body on purpose I did it I you where I got my microphone oh because this puts me through pain to that I have to redo this so we're literally about to have to re-record another episode and it's like I don't want to let it out on them no but like I can't help but be frost you know what this is gonna be a complete different episode because I can't fucking sit here and say the same shit for another two hours

no we're just going to have to really go with this one it hurts I can't even explain it no podcast for two hours and then you look and it's like yes Alex just podcast it alone where is Sofia and the other thing is like when we saw the zero byte file we said what is a 0 by file we spent the next six seven hours being like no no no no we can retrieve this I was on the phone with Geek Squad we got on fucking up work we were trying to reach

out to audio technician and we were putting up her own money and we were like we will pay you $400 out of pocket if you can figure out what the fuck zero bytes you mean cause I don't fucking know and yeah nothing was recovered so here we are back at it again for another motherfucking episode of cod is Daddy but it's all right it's okay I think I'm losing it a little bit it's all right your eyes are bloodshot you thank you Alex is doing especially bad I'm not doing my best I'm dealing with a little thing

I would like to call sleep paralysis why is there a light I mean there are windows okay I'll probably hallucinating I am sleep paralysis what is sleep paralysis Sophia I'm going to take a quick nap you let them know so sleep paralysis is I've had it before okay it's a common phenomenon and what happens is you wake up in the middle of the night and you wake up completely petrified and you can't move your limbs

and you can't make a sound yeah and you're alive you lay there paralyzed and everyone experiences it a little bit differently like for some people it's like there's an evil spirit like up above them levitating yeah I mean how was it for you I literally last night or two nights ago I woke up and there I believed was a man sitting on the edge of my bed just staring at me sleeping and I was so fucking

you guys paralyzed couldn't move the whole thing and then for the next like now a few nights I haven't been able to sleep because this terrifying feeling of oh my God if I go back to sleep is this going to happen again yeah sometimes what happens is if you regretting this if you partake in partying like they're like drugs at the party and you decide to partake sometimes you will have sleep paralysis like a few days later well I'm not understood like specifically MDMA like a couple days later

I don't know her you from experience special discount so feels like so when I take MDMA I literally like all fucking off my rocker for a few days if anyone's taking ecstasy or Molly Please be aware that this could happen if you do you will disclaimer okay China slide that right by me okay well I'm fine I'm fine but I will say I think a lot of people are having bad dreams right now very vivid dreams because of Corona I actually tweeted about that because I had a dream when I was asleep that all have you ever had this dream all of your teeth

fall out yes I feel like everyone experiences that and I guess some guy wrote and told me that it's when you are experiencing extreme anxiety and going through a change either in a relationship or your job and I guess obviously right now it applies to Corona to like the unknown so I guess well actually you're reminding me of few how are your dreams over there so a few days ago this is really weird I had a dream that I was putting like living things in the microwave and

and I woke up in the middle of the night like so scared and like feeling horrible you were putting living things I'm microwaving fuck is wrong or whatever the fuck is going on over there from what I remember I was putting like babies and wild animals hey guys I'm not a serious I woke up feeling bad it was very strange I don't know what's going on someone DME and I don't fuck with you anywhere that's weird shit anyways anyways so so if you know we're thinking about this we feel really bad

yeah we feel really bad for all of the high school seniors and the college seniors because we see a lot of you are not able to partake her grad school and graduation and all those fun Senior Week activities yeah and it sucks and I think a lot of you are upset like I saw these Daddy and girls were having prom on Zoom like there's no getting in their prom dresses and they're getting on zoom and it fucking sucks yeah but I just want to say you know having gone through

high school and college and having made it out alive I know it seems like the most important thing in your life right now but life goes on it's really not we've never really talked about did you graduate high school are you fucking I'm not gonna type of person that would get their GED not that there's anything wrong with that but why do I feel like you got your GED and the fact that you just looked me in my eyes and asked me if I graduated high school we never talked about how I barely graduated there we go there we go so you were a Jenny and

high school oh I was so so that what kind of high school did you go to I went to a private Catholic High School I went to a this was a fucking twist I went to a private boarding school and I know people would look at me and be like oh you rich bitch no absolutely fucking not I got a scholarship to go there I okay soccer which sounds weird to play Sweet so boarding school yes a boarding school so like we had straight up borders and day students and like

would like fuck in the dorms and shit I was like a college in high school if I lived in the dorms and oh my oh you would be Del my doing with us I know you graduated but barely I barely graduated in high school it was like it was the type of thing that I started out with flying colors like I remember when I started out I was like in AP classes this is how bad it is I started High School to math classes

Advanced from my freshman year grade okay senior year of high school I was one behind of everybody else like I don't even know how that happened huge drop-off okay so you really slid back you really really went back yeah that's great so what about you I didn't do great in high school either I remember my graduation specifically our dean of students had just like been so done with me and I was missing

my tassel for my cap and I was wearing the wrong gown and he just came up to me he was also so fucking hot and he came up to me and was like where is your tassel what is going on how are you wearing the wrong I don't know I don't know I don't grab your sister I don't remember I don't I know it's fucked up and he just looked at me and was like I don't care what you do anymore Alex just fucking graduate wow you wanted me gone not say he wanted well also kind of that okay so

then College what was your college situation did you go to your college graduation I did but it wasn't like what everyone imagines it to be like I literally was like pissed the whole time I like stopped through the whole thing and I like threw my diploma in the back of the car and I was like can we get the pie get all yo dude college graduation especially if you go to like a big university I remember not wanting to go to mine I only went for my parents I actually barely graduated college to okay good that's another one started off with flying colors ice

started this amazing wonderful College outside of San Francisco California incredible ended up at Community College and you shut up Sophia we love to see it why what happened too much too generous he's yeah just a I think I got like a ticket for underage drinking I don't fucking know yeah and your mom was like come home yeah she was like I'm not paying this tuition I feel like we had very different College experiences my college experience was

like I couldn't get in I had to keep getting in trouble on the down-low because obviously I would have lost my scholar right got in trouble I couldn't get an underage I couldn't like all that shit I will never forget I for a final exam I was really struggling in this one class and I knew he was a huge fan of the teacher the because they're one of the guy was dating at the time and I was a professional athlete and I bribed him and I got him a sign ball and tickets and in

change for me to not have to take the final exam and for an a like how pathetic am I also like come on hi come on Alex Lopez I showed up with a little bag you all in tickets and he's like here's your a you fucking cunt that's I think that might be the craziest thing I've ever heard come out of your you guys do what you gotta do yeah right wow that Professor is probably getting fired know like he's a great guy we still stay in touch actually but then with the rest of my college experience I know I have it I have never

never talked about this but well you know but the daddy can go isn't fully know my experience with college I had a full scholarship to play Division 1 soccer at Boston University you know something about brownbill brag I worked my whole life for it and I played only for three years though my senior year I got to keep my full scholarship but I did not have to play and I'm getting into no

now that is a story for another day okay I was gonna say like whoa no episode 2 hi no no we're will tell that story one day but yeah so I mean anyone that college high school life goes on I'm gonna get us I mean we almost flunked out of high school and college and look at us now with the most degenerate podcasters yeah we're like show your parents us now look at this they're like no that's the opposite of what we want our children to Aspire I know we're like every

parents were saying they're like doctor lawyer accountant podcaster no no podcaster welcome back to the show folks so I don't know we just wanted to say shout out to all of you guys happy graduation get fucked up with your parents get fucked up on zoo yeah other and just don't worry you'll look back and yeah you'll be like what I had so much fun graduating on Zoom that's so depressing all right moving on people are getting horny everybody is masturbating because we're

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okay this is the thing this segment is for people that want to keep their love interest interested during quarantine yeah that's what it is yes that's a big problem right big problem for example my cousin was talking to me actually about this the other day so my cousin met a guy at a bar that she really hit it off with a few days before

and she's extremely picky so this was like a really big deal okay and now naturally she's freaking out she's calling me and she's asking me for advice on what the fuck to do right this guy which I get because your cousin's wondering like how do I keep this connection lie because right now for the foreseeable future like we don't know and we'll ever see another human again if she's no fucking idea what to do right and you know what I want to say is I think a lot of people that

in this same bow or having the same exact ayat e and the problem is that because of the exoti there overdoing it they're scared this person is going to move on and so they're like blowing up that person's phone and making sure that they are in constant contact with that person and that is the worst possible thing you can do right now the the worst worse yes daddy gang if you take one thing from this episode the worst so so

so motherfuckers well the fucking daddy yeah I did a lot of trial and error we did research extensively on my life she's using me as the guinea pig and we believe that the answer and what you guys should be doing is disappearing disappearing and I know a lot of you are unhappy just hearing that they're hearing that growing their phone yes exoti went through the Rubik's hanok attack explain it to them okay I actually have an example

from my past okay I remember it was a few years back I met this guy during Sundance so for those of you don't know what that is it's a film festival that they have in Utah so it was the second I met him it was like fireworks we ended up spending I think it was like three nights back to back to back together you fuck Alex I don't kiss and tell we Hoops light what tell us I

I did hold off until the second you're like I held off for 24 hours and then it was go baby please let me finish okay so sex was great it was amazing then he had to fly back to the east coast I was stuck in fucking Utah so you can imagine how depressing that was and it was one of those things where I could not stop thinking about him yeah and I started freaking out because I'm like no no no this is my husband he doesn't know it yet but like I really

this could be the one the love of my life then you know your last name he's like 100 he felt it too oh right right right yeah no of course so anyway so in the beginning when he flew back we were texting okay and then obviously we stopped yes and then what happened was a couple months would go by and then I would slide in or he would slide in and every time it was like we picked up right where we left off you two okay eautiful and the thing is

is that I did not see him for the next I think it was a year maybe two years wow and he slid in one day and was like hey you're coming here to come visit me I'm buying you a plane ticket I hopped on a plane and went and spent the weekend with that is so but that's so good what I'm saying is we would only talk every few months yep I did not see him in person for a year to two years and we still like rekindle that old flame that's so brilliant

you little quarantine bitches complaining about a few months so get out lived get out of here that's such a good fucking point Sofia yeah so you lived it you breathed it and there can be a fucking month there can be two months yeah if they like you you're gonna be fine and you can slide the fuck back in and that I think I want to highlight because I think specifically during this time the alternative to disappearing for bits of time it doesn't have to be as dramatic as he as was is talking to

them every fucking day with nothing substantial to say okay what I've been noticing is right now every single day is Groundhog Day oh it's so every single day I can't even to fucking look at you like face you look the same every day literally no but it's true guys it's like you're doing the same shit over and over right now and I can guarantee you motherfuckers that if you don't talk to these people

a month and then you pop the fuck back in and you ask them the same question that you asked them a month before hey what's up they're going to give you the same fucking answer they're sitting on the same couch cushion right in the same bag of fucking Doritos watching the same goddamn Netflix show yes they're not going anywhere so you forcing dumb conversation every day every day it's it's dumb it's diluting the relationship diluting the relationship that's what it is I'm dealing with this right now

now you know it's hard it's not like I'm high I know you're dealing with it because we're dealing with the yes so I'm dealing with this right now I am talking to this guy from LA and I don't really think I've talked about him on the podcast how do you keep track know a Kansas guy Canadian guy California guy in guy no we bought an L A guy so I have to

day I'm crushing on him hard I he's like the I think my ideal man yeah I've already talked to you about this when we were drunk from the physical aspect to the personality like he really is the full package and we're really vibing and so I began talking to this guy and we were at that point where the next step was for me to get on a plane and go see him yeah you are about to buy a ticket excuse that he was about to Pilot a Kerala and then quarantine hit right oh everything

kind of got fucked up and now where I'm at right now in quarantine is I'm just trying to figure out how to balance talking with him and then not overdoing it so right I want to kind of share my technique that Sophia and I have created for this it's but it's working it's working so I am doing the pop in and pop out every few days technique okay I like that so but only when I do pop in I'm sending something of substance that's

staying and that warrant conversation I'm not just texting this motherfucker hey what's up every morning hey I'm so glad you brought that up because listen if you are a bad texture I really need you to like look Inward and realize not about yourself and if you are about texter then you absolutely need to be the ghost yeah you need to be using this little disappearing occasion totally and actually even if he

is a bad texter you should ghost this is the thing is that generic conversations you're going to end up shooting yourself in the foot and it really does take two to fucking Tango right you guys both need to be interesting because that's a thing and it's not like he doesn't like you were you don't like him if you're a bad tax or there are people that are so good in person and Faith shitty text job may be texting isn't his strong suit but he's like a fucking animal in the sack yeah great either way

just disappear disappearing is better than having stupid conversation I agree and and I want to give you guys like concrete examples so what I was saying was when I do decide to side in every few days what I'm doing is I'm coming in with entertaining shit and what I mean by that is for example the other week Sophia and I we were playing Scrabble I remember it fondly and you and I had spelled out the words like sluts lie sex you know classical or

classic call her daddy Scrabble board and so we were laughing our asses off we were having fun and so what I did is I took a picture of the board and those words and I came up with a funny joke and I sent it to him and what was the job I kind of forget and then he ended up sending me back a picture of what he was doing and it was a great rapper Sation I'm pretty sure that you sent that picture with the joke to multiple men in your phone book right I remember

did you that but I think that's more so it just saved the brain power there's only so much content that could go around these days true you got it you got to maximize it honestly seven people right copy and paste that shit don't waste energy I battle that's another tip writer write do you make sure however to talk about what you guys are going to do in this whole quarantine is over just so that you're like putting that out into the universe and like you don't have to be detailed you can just say something simple like oh my

- like when this is over we better go for a walk on the water like Jesus walk across the log you never want him to talk to you again you can send um I'm gonna go ahead and say no we're gonna still try that again okay you you guys can come up with something better but you get my loyal Ally babe you got my point yeah I think that that is specifically smart and quarantine if you have one conversation about that it allows you then almost

more leeway once you do kind of disappear and fall back a little bit from right them because it's like you let them know you're interested post quarantine out but for right now I'm not interested in having this conversation that is the same every day yes I know that this is super hard right now because everyone is sitting at home bored yeah and so I get that but honestly pick up a fucking hobby instead you're fucking her pussy you're fucking her pussy you're like don't come don't come holy fuck it's coming it's coming out like lava you come

in her pussy you coming or you got her pregnant you end up with a kid you weren't even expecting it like that's fine but the issue is that you came and fucking under 30 seconds right so shit right not with Roman swipes baby guys clinically proven to make you last longer in bed plus they're effective easy to use and fast-acting and they don't require a prescription they also come in discreet unmarked packaging so when you whip it out you swipe it on your dick she's not gonna know what you're fucking up do she doesn't know no one needs to know you and the bed

and your dick and lasting longer yes so you guys go to get Roman.com daddy where you can get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a monthly plan that's get Roman.com Daddy okay all right we're moving on we have a few tips we're going to Rattle them off and these are good as tips for good ass hoes for good ask people for good as time in the good-ass days the first tip

if you got an STD okay happens to all of us happens to the best of us it really does no judgment here because you know really happens to all of us mmm so you get an STD and you don't want your boyfriend or your girlfriend or the person you're just hooking up with to know that you either a have an STD or be gave it to them yes

comes the threesome track

everyone let that sink in for two seconds threesomes threesome menage a trois oh Manoj ever again oh we really hit him usually this is where I would say you're all swerving off the road but no one's on the road oh just swerved off the couch like whoo yeah that's right the threesome tip listen motherfuckers this is the thing and it's beautiful and we always say it's okay to lie to okay to manipulate here on this podcast that's are you the one in your life getting finesse or you finessing people around call her daddy were finessing

out what you're going to do is all of a sudden when you find out you have that SCD you're going to go babe something just came over me yeah we got to have a threesome I want a threesome and I want it now and I want it tonight yep because God forbid you go and fuck him and then he fucking goes and gets tested for some reason right because he has chlamydia it's on you baby it's all when you bring that third in what happened Sofia oh you gotta blame all these on that third party that you invited in

so fucked up this is people are like this is so over the top I mean call her daddy like reel it back in but let me phrase it this way you decided to do a little cheat Scoot and Boogie and you cheated on your boyfriend no please listen Chase Kim duck and you cheated on your boyfriend and you got the clap what's worse you having a little threesome with your

then blaming it on the Hello or you having to go to your boyfriend and say hey I cheated on you and I gave you an STD I'ma go ahead and say three some up in this bit up in this bitch and this is the beauty I can see people being like but I don't want to normalize threesomes I don't want him to think I'm gonna do that all the time that's fine this is a perfect in and out move right here you are you through

losing it you throw the pussy you get the threesome and you drove the two pussies out of him and then once you guys find that she gave you guys both an STD you say we're never having a threesome again fuck that fuck this never mind that was to risk yet back to the two of us lock the door guys no one's ever allowed back in the bedroom guys you can backpedal after three stuff but what you can act like a backpedal After he finds out that you gave him fucking chlamydia no or right there's a couple things with this

okay yes so if it's a very serious STD like a life yeah if you're fucking with like HIV this I'm gonna go ahead and say absolutely not do this shit you can solve with like a pill engine yeah the minor STDs yeah second thing hmm some of you might have to do a threesome that night okay you see tell you been holding out sex for two weeks because you're like my God I am about to give him HPV or whatever it is right right right so

you have to hire an escort yeah like it's the only way the only way yeah that's how you're going to get a last-minute girl to come up or guy your boys and you could do a threesome with two girls two guys would absolutely your boyfriend might be like hey I think we got to wrap it up and use a condom respectable guy read a respected yes but that totally fucks your plan up it bugs you what do you do let me just say something a guy is never as vulnerable Alex you can agree

on this as when he is hard and he is horny and he is about to ejaculate so true he is never as vulnerable as that moment ever you quickly whip off the condom and fucking slam your pussy onto the deck it's like whack-a-mole but with your vagina and his dick is the mole you're like that look like you go right you swipe off the condom you pop down and then you put her on his dick and then he doesn't know

no and he either won't know or if there's no way you can get away with that right okay and you're not as smooth as some of the rest of us slick and smooth like us then what you can do is and this is so fucking easy because I know every guy I've ever hooked up with would fall for this okay babe babe her pussy feels so fucking good you could be fingering her pussy at Great it feels so good I want you to feel her

and then you could even turn to the bitch and be like I want you with your mouth to take his condom off turn it into sexual foreplay turn it into something sexy find he is ripping the condom off and cutting it up and blowing it up like a balloon and flicking it out of the window and Wallah there you go y'all got chlamydia and you gave it to who we don't know and it's not on you anymore and the whole thing is done so that's it

a little too that's just like a little tip that we wanted to give you guys know but like actually straight up if yous are really scared grow threesome at your boyfriend a girlfriend and then boom who night and you blame it on third door if you're like newly talking to someone telling him that you got an STD from Dirty dick or dirty vagina a month into like dating that's not a good look you know what is a great look threesome boom show him you're a king keep it so much you got okay next let's talk about facials yeah I have a lot of bitches

in the DMS hey girl hey girl wondering how exactly can you tell us what my face is supposed to look like a my body is yours look like when I'm getting a facial how do I receive a facial in the best way possible and it's and I respect you all for really wanting to give your man that show so here we are he's jacking off or you're sucking his dick whatever the fuck it is he's got to give you a facial yeah I want to make sure everyone understands open your

I think when a man is going to come on your face you open your mouth you want to make him think that you are hoping that you get it hate it all ice cream you want that fucking good ass milky ice milk you want it okay the second part is that I suggest you put your tongue out how far is up to you I personally just kind of have it cover my bottom lip a little bit like I only put it out a little bit right I'm not do you have a wife

wagging tongue no not the wagging peace sign like yo what's up I'm in seventh grade again but you could I also it depends what you where you are if you're on the ground or what not but what you're going to do with your hands is up to you push your tits together you could take your hands and like kind of pull your hair back you could lean back on your hands super hot so then what you're going to do is close your eyes close your eyes and now you're all wondering but when

I'm pretty sure it's pretty like you can see when a man is about to you know when he's about you know there's pulsating in the dick moaning is getting a little more intense the minute you think he's about to come close your eyes yeah and a lot of guys will announce yeah I'm about to yes and I think that thing that some girls are super self-conscious about is like looking dumb they're like wait so I'm putting my tongue out I'm closing my eyes and I'm under his dick looking up and just going like like also girls make that noise okay

not let me ask you this what would you rather goggles or what would you rather you sit there with your mouths closed eyes blinking just fuck waiting here in the hot side of the fucking eyeball I don't think so no I don't think so so you guys mouth open tongue out eyes are open until you feel he's about to come and then you close them the thing is is like go watch porn if you're at all confused it's going to be a way more intense version a lot of them are going to keep their eyes open because he's our profession they want to risk it

girls you will never look more beautiful to a man when his come is glazed over your face right Dona Krispy Kreme crispy mother the way you feel about that Dona is how he feels about you and then once he's finished take your fingers and wipe the come up put it in your mouth let him look at you and then you can go take care of yourself yeah I think I think sometimes girls are like well is he supposed to shoot it into my mouth or is he supposed to shoot it on

to my forehead over all over all over and you're just hoping that a little drip goes into your mouth that's what it should look like yep that no that's it that's it tip number 3 tip number mother and this is going to help you spice things up during Corona if you're already in like this sexting game with this guy there is this thing that you can do and it does not involve your vagina your tits or your asshole love it you guys are like what in the world what could involve

it involves your fingers and let me explain okay you sending a video to a guy a quick little clip of you licking your fingers and sucking on them like you are just imagining it's a dick is going to put him over the edge right over the way that I've done this well I'm like thinking about it and I sent a video like this pretty early on with soup man we're and I like were that's how that's how we know hey how I've done it is I

I will grab two fingers again this is like get creative I know some girls maybe you want to stick your whole fist in your mouth let him know you can take it to the bright for me personally I like to do the two fingers I take the pointer finger and the middle finger and I'll hold them up and there will be like a little slit in between like read between the lines bitches got it and I will lick up the middle so you can kind of see my tongue poking out and then I will go back down onto both of my

fingers with my entire mouth like it's a blowjob and then suck it back up usually you're going to want to make sure your fingers are wet before this yeah for example if you want to kind of ease your way into this or come up with a reason why you're sending this video what you can say is baby I've been thinking about you and I've gotten so wet and I'm going to lick my wetness off my fingers I want to show you so hot something like something like that send the video make him fall in love

lovemaking fall in love coronal of megaphone love baby baby but I know I can fall in love baby baby 101 Lexa fingers okay there you go I think that's so fucking smart Sophie and I appreciate you and I don't think it's very common for girls to do it so I don't yourself but try really hard to make sure that your fingers are wet and I do an another tip last for this one is I think sometimes girls get in their heads it's kind of similar to the face

thing taking a video sucking your fingers my biggest suggestion is we always say fake it till you make it but in these situations you can but if you can actually be like genuinely turned on yeah that will show through in this video and in your facial excetera so if you're getting a facial and you need to be rubbing your clit or if you're licking your fingers and you need to be masturbating right it's like method acting

a method acting I mean the Joker okay here we go yes Joaquin Phoenix yes he fucking got into that character so hardcore he said he went a little crazy yeah this is where you Channel your inner porn star make yourself believe believe that this your fingers are a day yet me yes because it will play off differently if you're looking at it like that and I think that's brilliant even if you are a married

if you're a sweetheart you can still turn out and be a freak on your fingers yeah you know what I mean not just believing is seeing kind of like the Santa the you know Santa Ana winds and so you know I wasn't a Santa Claus anyways moving on okay guys this is I'm excited our last tip and this is the biggest one we saved the best for last

this is a big fat huge reminder for you all that you are just a hole at the end of the day you are just a hole that sounds harsh but you are just a whole Pacific Lee your three you are just three holes and he's trying to figure out which one to put it in we've said it once and I'll say it again why are we bringing this up Sophia I would say the majority of submissions we get from Daddy gang are

from a girl saying my fuck-boy is just using me for sex right now how do I make him want a wife me up and the thing is you don't you don't you don't why are we get what have have we taught you nothing have we taught you not guys you don't you don't and if you want him to if there's any hope you got to even also act like you don't want him to thank you if you're acting like you want your if you have the mentality that you want your fuck-boy to wife

you up you are trash you are nothing at a through your fucking head guys this was kind of also brought up because on top of daddy being writing in Sofia and I were watching a reality television show Vanderpump Rules yes I want this is a little homework for you guys all right you guys are going to go to season 8 of Vanderpump Rules and you are going to watch the first two episodes in the season episode 1 and episode 2 of season 8 and you're going to specifically focus on this girl

named scheana Shay scheana's Shay is the definition of everything we do not want you to do here on call her that definition of a walking whole pretending she's not a walking whole okay that's a little yeah scheana and her mind believes every word that every fuck-boy says and then when they fuck her over she's the girl that shows up at the bar crying saying Geoffrey what but you said that you loved me not he wanted to fuck you and he wanted to

fuck you right and then you got annoying as fuck and you got clingy and you got in your mindset that you've got that you that he owed you anything other than dick so much so that the guys when the cameras are turned to them and she's not there they're all talking about how she's a stage five Clinger okay and you imagine if you were being called a stage five Clinger that should be your goal in life to ensure that you are never called that because I think of men that could be maybe possibly the worst fucking pencil and listen we're talking about scheana Shay we're talking about

the daddy game I I have forgotten my place in this world is a whole absolutely I don't know I've been in a situation where I've tried to convince myself that it the relationship was something more than it was I've done it Alex has done it we've all done it yeah but this sooner that you can accept that you're just a hole the quicker you can move onto a guy this is me being honest yeah a guy that will see you as a whole with a face

a hole with a face like you it's so fucked up but it's so also poetic and beautiful you're like he may see you have a face holy shit a glorious day for all of us daddy king yes it's so fucking true guys one of the scenes in the fucking show this guy that was a is a complete fuccboi fucks like the entire staff at the restaurant they all work at she got scheana got emotional and she now believed all of the sweet nothings

was whispering right I just care so much about you right she on in the scene she's she pulled up the text messages and started reading them back to him she's like but you said this yeah and he literally it's like no I didn't ya she starts reading a fuck boy the things that he was saying and you almost want to shake the girl and be like he said he liked you because he wanted right so fuck you play not a little more yes

what happens is this guy starts texting you stuff like I've been thinking about you all day I can stop think you're different you're different than all the other girls you're beautiful I just want to hang this chill I miss I miss you I love just laying and chilling with you like you're such a chill fun girl and then what happens is these girls take comments like that and think that there is all of a sudden a future and unfortunately

what it is is its them wanting to fuck your pussy fuck your pussy that's literally it guys will say anything to get in a girl's pants Milf Hunter has literally told us in the FMF Hunter episode we go okay what if a girl says that she loves you and he's like I say I love her right and we're like what he's like yeah I'm not ready to lose the pussy I'll say whatever I need to to ensure that I get the pussy these men are throwing around the l-o-v-e then our

only willing to lose pussy on their terms and so they are going to continue to say whatever the fuck they want in order to keep fucking you and it is your job to make sure is that every single thing that man says to you goes in one ear and out the other selective hearing selective hearing guys I'm not kidding like until this guy sits you down and is like I want you to be my girlfriend yeah I want to be exclusive I

to be in a committed relationship you gotta let everything else he says go in one ear and out the other absolutely I think that especially in quarantine I've been seeing bitches writing in like it's just so annoying he only answers me when like I sent him something sexual if you can't get it fucking text back in quarantine you are not shit your bottom of other fucking Barrel you're like half a whole half a quarter of what I'm going to just be very open and vulnerable and honest here because this

is what we do here on call her daddy when I was a sophomore at Boston University here we go here we go here she goes I've never I think I've heard this story because it's so fucking know well you know what it is to and I want everyone it is good to encounter a fuck it is because and there's a lot of times you can encounter them but there will always be that one that literally change the trajectory

how you look at men and sometimes you need that to wake you the fuck deal so I was a sophomore and I started dating a Red Sox player that was 30 years older than me 13 years older than little sophomore Alex I thought I had it all in my mind we were together living and loving and cherishing you were together every other Tuesday I'm

I'm sorry so pathetic he was a professional baseball player on the Red Sox and you were sophomore in college and you thought I thought that you guys were something I had not something I had nothing this is the thing like I remember that experience one I understand like it's hard sometimes as women especially how emotional we can be like yeah when you are infatuated with the fuck boy it's really hard to fucking see shit you've blinders on yeah and I have been there and Sophie and I are not better than any you know

what have done is we've learned from our experiences and that's why we have this podcast I remember with my fuck-boy yeah I was the girl he would text every time he broke up with his girl oh all that time would literally just be there waiting and you got my brush behind his house and I just remember I really believed I was like oh but one of these times I'll be the girlfriend I just know it you're like it's coming and it's

it's like night Daisy how he's made Seven Girls his girlfriend and not you so that's probably not going to happen through your fucking hell yeah and at the end of the day

until he looks you in the face and he says be my wife be my wife be my let's okay we can dumb it down a little be my girlfriend yeah and when I say that I need you to you need to be badge ER about please be my girlfriend at least it used to be the tenth time he's asked if you really fucking means it yeah if he's gonna work a little for it last thing I'm going to say sometimes you just gotta take the L and move on take the loss move on because a lot of

times to with fuckboys if you disappear your chances of the fuck boy coming back around our way fucking higher than you being the annoying ass cunt that way fucking leave his side and he's like Jesus Christ I could run this bitch over and she be like but I still love you isn't it right Johnny no Johnny to shoots fucking hates you yes we don't want to give you guys false hope but if you want even a fucking Fighting Chance then you gotta disappear go stick a move on temporarily take the L all right let's get into a little

a little take a trip to France we're gonna do a little thing I like to cook questions questions of the wind Barb questions of the motherfucker awake okay okay here we go this one I'm going to kick it off - Bob - oh God hey Daddy's

I thought this is just a quick little hack for girls in quarantine I thought this was cute and I think I've done this before she said sometimes on days where I feel like my body looked great I'll just grab some of my hottest underwear and bras and stuff like that and I'll take pictures in each combination of the lingerie stuff or just cute little outfits that look good together and then I'm set for pictures for weeks during quarantine I think that's so brilliant I have been so mad at myself at times if like I got a good

spray tan I got my hair done I'm like why the fuck was and I am a lingerie taking pics so that when he slides in at 2 a.m. and you're sexting and you're ready to send him picture and you look like a fucking degenerate discussed yep you could just go back to that neutral so I think that's a really good idea if you guys specially in quarantine if you guys are bored right Pig one day right now a lot of us have a ton of time on her hands where was just sitting in our room like have a little photo shoot that is such a

good subject yeah stock up greeting poppies I need some advice on dealing with ego issues I guess my ex and I broke up after two years in December the breakup was amicable and if anything I wanted it more I heard you started dating someone new at the beginning of the year and was happy for him however I just found out he's quarantining with this new lady because he posted a picture of them both together and she is a knockout 10 out of 10

and Victoria's Secret looking bitch I got so jealous and instantly obviously hated her how do I deal things okay really tough when you break up with someone I think that you should unfollow them I agree so that you don't even need to worry about something like this happening out of sight out of mind and obviously that for some reason because I know some people that would create a lot of drama you can mute people's posts and stories okay

never see their shit really a need to be doing that at least yes then on the flip side because I don't want to be a complete hypocrite yeah Alex and I both have been there where not only do we still follow them but we go and look for the new girls that they're dating up I've done that before and you just gotta be ready for something like this because if she went and looked at this girl and this girl would have been busted as fuck would you care would you laugh you would laugh you would feel better

that you would feel better about this is because she's fucking hot and it sucks yeah and I mean also girly you this is very superficial so what he's with like a super hot girl if it makes you feel better convince yourself that she sucks in bad yeah and she's an idiot boring as fuck and also everyone in fucking quarantine right now if they're quarantining with someone that they're not like fully in love with I'm sure that relationship is going to end regarding they're gonna break up yeah they'll be bored and also you to just think about it like

you know him so well you know what that girl is getting from him and it wasn't enough for you so it's probably who cares it what she's getting it wasn't enough for you and like that's that and you gotta just like oh not and like go focus on yourself but I get it I fucking got are you it is a stock like motherfuckers and it can hurt and then you honestly talk the way Sophie and I talked about it find a friend that will let you just fucking talk about it into a ground and then you gotta move on yes yep hi Daddy gang so

I have a new hack for the ladies hmm if you're insecure about the way you taste when a guy's going down on you or want to taste more sweet there's these vaginal melt that you insert inside of you and they melt and leave your vagina smelling and tasting great for hours it also gives you a lubrication from the oils the website is called finale finale and they have so many flavors to choose from guys you spell that Fe and

Mal La why so I looked up this website because I was like pulling this actually sounds fucking cool because who doesn't want their fucking pussy okay amazing and it gives you lubrication right I read reviews obviously I was like nervous because I'm like is this a fucking guy no meeting waiting to happen because I guess like yeah that's what I was going to say I read as many reviews as I could and a lot a majority of them were positive people being like

holy shit my vagina was like so wet and like smelled great tasted great okay something to try this I'm going to go buy them to I literally have it on my computer and I want to go by it they're the reason I love this is because I've heard of putting stuff on the outside to make it taste good this rate of goes in the angles inside and it melt out so you guys have to like lay on your bed and it's almost like yeah you're just waiting for it and then you do it like a little bit before your dick appointment yeah night before and then you go in there and it's

lubed up and it fucking smells great I mean amazing okay this is so smart Okay men need to listen this girl wrote in said hi Dottie's just wanted to say that as a single girl swiping on Tinder when a guy stands next to a taller guy in one of the pictures it makes him look short it doesn't matter if he's six one and the other guy is six seven the sixth one guy

still looks shorter and it's not attractive I've swiped left on multiple guys after thinking their faces work you because I was afraid they would be shorter than me just me love the podcast keep being sexy and amazing ladies brilliant brilliant if you have happened to me the other day right even if you're a short guy or a tall guy it's all about ratio and do not stand next to your fucking basketball player friend dude we've literally set it to girls on the other end like don't

fucking stand next to your friend that looks like Megan Fox and you look like a troll under a bridge less maybe pick an uglier friend or just be by your fucking self yes guys it's so funny you brought this up I was on the dating app the other day and I don't get this guy's first picture was him and he looked really cute he was a hockey player no fucking shocker there click on to the next picture he's walking down the rink hallway and there's two of his teammates with him and the

malware my favorite okay and I'm like holding this right like he's so and again there's nothing short with there's nothing wrong there's nothing short with short guys there's nothing wrong with short guys the issue is is there it's not making you look manly manly and masculine like why are you picking a picture right you that you look like the little guy come on when you're on a dating app it's all superficial at first and put your best foot forward okay I agree just that is a good tip for guys and

just as being honest yeah there's absolutely nothing fucking wrong with short guys just don't overemphasize right it's just that would just enter and if you're six one you're going to look like you're five five if you're standing next to like you know that's LeBron James right boom hi father's this question is honestly so gross but I desperately need an answer I spend the night at my boyfriend's house at least 5 to 7 days a week and I practically lived there

Lee if I really need to go the bathroom I just go back to my apartment and make an excuse however there's times where I just can't specifically obviously in quarantine this is usually not something I'm too embarrassed about but because we have been together for so long when it's the day after drinking or even worse I'm on my period we know how bad that can be lol there's no way around it I know everyone shits and it's not a huge deal but I lo que want to die

whenever I have to go at his house I just don't know what to do can I get your guys thoughts how do you go about this oh we love we talked about the infamous who situation at males places but I can imagine it never gets any easier and the post drinking oh yeah oh yeah so I'm not kidding you we've talked about it they should fucking sponsor us the Poo Pourri spray yes I actually ordered some off Amazon that are many per size ones yeah Casey

visit a guy when I tell you they were smell it smells like flowers will smack flour lemon scent and obviously girl I mean like haven't we said like well fuck what if they're like why does it smell like would you rather him smell lemons or your shit yeah and we'll leave that up to you that's up but Imma go ahead and say a little strawberry fragrance yeah cuter than a little bit of diarrhea and and you gotta just be patient because what you're

has to do is spray it into the toilet before you drop a deuce and then spray off right I mean listen especially pose drinking I like to call it the the code red Rumble the Code Red Ring pull the code word rumble is something that it doesn't matter if you're trying for dear life to hold that in when you gotta go you gotta go and if you've got this recipe has done and you've got the spray swear to God you won't you won't have anxiety yes and maybe it turned the sink on

my friend was telling me that she will light a match I think that's on that completely gets rid of the smell and I'm like redoing I'm like that is you're asking him to be like were you burning something in the bathroom lighting up in the bathroom without any you're like yeah I need to get so fucking high before I fuck you because my God there's yeah suck okay we love you Daddy we feel for you thank God I'm just with Sophia in here okay okay but I'm not thankful that covid Rumble code red Rumble I've been meaning to talk okay oh

all right Daddy's oh my gosh so go follow us on Instagram so feel than a Franklin of the why Alexandra Cooper you heard the beginning of the episode and we feel annoyed tune in next week yeah tune in next week that's it that's it that's it we love you tune in next week we fucking love you guys the fathers were out